he beats the shit out of that guy

Game. Set. Match.

Some guy texted me a rather profanity and hate filled message demanding that I never talk to his GF again or he’ll find me and beat the shit out of me and that he knows she’s been sending me naked pics.

Well, having received no naked pics from anyone ever (insert frowny face here cause … ya know… it’d be nice to get them now and then but I digress…) … I told Mr Angry pants that he has the wrong number.

He replied back that he did not believe me, he has the texts, and he’s gonna come and find me and rip my mother fucking head off.

I sent him a pic of my badge, handcuffs, and gun and replied back “I’m easy to find, I’m wearing these.”

10 mins later I get a message back saying “Sorry man, I had the wrong number”

Uh. Huh.

According to her My moms new boyfriend

Seems nice. Runs a motorcycle shop is a gentleman helps out has a sweet country accent would beat the shit out of my dad for what he did to us. Will teach us stuff and treat us like his own kids since he doesnt have any. Im excited to meet him. No guy has really made my mom seem like this. :)

"Go to hell Sherlock. Go right into hell and make sure you mean it. Pick a fight with a bad guy, put yourself in harms way. If he thinks you need him I swear he will be there."

Ignoring Sherlock, blaming him for something he didn’t do, not wanting to help him although he asked for it and admitted to fucking NEEDING it, leaving him alone with the ‘bad guy’ he picked a fight with and BEATING THE SHIT out of him,

How guilty

On a scale from one to ten

Did John Watson feel after hearing this?

ok but au where shiro and allura are both students at the garrison
  • allura is an exchange student who’s been accepted at the garrison, and immediately singles shiro out as the top of their class
  • shiro being like “who is this amazing beautiful girl - wAIT DID SHE JUST BEAT MY PILOTING SCORE”
  • just imagine them being highkey rivals trying to act lowkey
  • “you’re staring again shiro-” “i am not!” matt rolls his eyes
  • allura having a totally amazing squad tho, and her bestie is some guy name markus
  • (matt and markus have crushes on each other & share commiserating looks over their ridiculous friends)
  • shiro is officially Starstruck when he sees her benchpressing in the training room
  • a group project where they’re the only two who actually do shit brings them together as friends
  • long nights with lots of coffee cups and sharing study notes
  • allura falls for him slowly over little gestures (him memorizing her coffee order)
  • one day she doodles his name in the margins of her tablet notes and then remembers they always compare notes, freaks out and erases it
  • when shiro gets sick and has to miss class allura is the only one he trusts to take his notes (they just think on the same level), and vice versa
  • still having a healthy competition with lots of friendly flirting teasing
  • always giving each other compliments
  • they graduate top of their classes, tied neck and neck
  • they kiss for the first time when shiro is going to leave to go to Kerberos and they’re all stumbling over each other and he’s super flustered when trying to confess when allura just kisses him
  • “come back to me in one piece, takashi”
  • he doesn’t

no offense but my favorite story of billie’s is the one where some dude was driving by when he was standing on the street and just screams “fuck you billie joe!” out his window so then when the car stops in traffic billie literally dives into the car through the window and starts beating the shit out of this dude, and the whole time he’s on the phone with adrienne in the middle of some big fight with her. I could not make this shit up what a wild guy

what pentagon member should YOU fight

jinho
who wins? nobody
why would you?? just don’t. he’s been through enough already. i have a theory he actually could beat your ass, but let it remain just a theory. he’s the kind of guy who would ask if your fist is okay after you punched him.

hui
who wins? you
hui is an easy target, let’s be honest? but you would have e’dawn on your ass trying to avenge hui so maybe don’t? be more ambitious.

hongseok
who wins? hongseok
his hobby is working out, it’s a bad idea trust me. prolly he would also give you lecture or some shit on some random historical event so don’t even waste your time.

e’dawn
who wins? e’dawn
he’s like smoller than the rest and wears light up shoes but… he’s also really loud and my-way kinda? one moment he’s pretty chill but then suddenly he has zero chill. if he’s told ‘don’t shoot’ he’ll do it in spite so… hard to predict what he does. also he likes to shout randomly. kinda dangerous type, avoid.

shinwon
who wins? you
this guy is scared of popping balloons, go for it.

yeo one
who wins? yeo one
he may look like a stick with low body fat but there’s the thing he also does boxing, apparently. he probably took it up to protect himself from scammers? maybe just leave him alone.

yanan 
who wins? ??????
he may seem to be an actual clueless five year old but he’s legit competitive. prolly doesn’t even think of beating people as possible activity? but if you start a brawl with him, it’ll get ugly just because he’s not really into the concept of losing. at all. but he’s also the type would suddenly fall on his ass while walking a straight road so… better just don’t do it.

yuto
who wins? yuto
bad idea. he’s more into sports than white people into mashed potatoes. one time he and wooseok pretended to be thugs and yuto straight up cut wooseok’s throat with imaginary knife. don’t.

kino
who wins? kino
don’t do it. i bet he twirls while throwing punches. not to mention he’ll have a smile of a geniuinely nice person on his face, like he’s doing you a favour. he’s that guy in shoujo manga that picks up dropped pens and even substiute teacher has a crush on him, but tbh he could attend suzuran and be like a top or something.

wooseok
who wins? you
he may be 188cm tall (and growing) but his masculinity is fragile af. can’t help it! you don’t even need to rise you hand, just say something passive agressive and use no homo as finishing touch. 99% he would break down crying. just don’t let him shout and you’ll win.

Fun Concepts for the upcoming TF2 Comics:

-Scout’s Ma & Brother’s kicking down a fucking door to rescue the baby of the family

-Medic Ubercharging Miss P out of fucking nowhere (from her perspective), and she demolishes the bad guys while the mercs applaud

- Heavy beating the absolute, I mean no holds barred, SHIT out of classic!heavy before I have to climb into the comics and do it myself

-Demo & Sniper reconciling after the whole ‘tried to kill you’/ ‘I watched you die’ thing

-Finding Engineer safe and well, Pyro adoring reuniting with the Texan

-The Administrator fucking deadlifting Saxton Hale and THROWING him into the Classic!Mercs, killing them all instantly

-Sniper realises his bio!parents are assholes, but his team loves him ffs let the man be happy, he legit died

-Archimedes being totally fine

-Medic making the Bonesaw Face while ramming said weapon through Classic Heavy’s chest

-The whole Spy is your Dad thing, with Scout

-Whoever has the Scout-choking fetish at Valve gets sent to see a counsellor, and stops torturing the poor kid

-Heavy’s sisters come into play, somehow. His Mamushka kills a man, with a humble smile on her face, eyes dreamy as she says, “Ah, that takes me back…” nostalgically.

-Pyro being allowed to give the robots… RAINBOWS.

-More interactions between team members, that end favourably.

-The Administrator praising poor Miss Pauling.

-Miss Pauling flirting with Zhanna, no real reason, it just might be fun considering the odd hostility the Russian has towards the poor PA from the get-go.

-Maybe BLU can help out.

-Some degree of vaguely heartwarming group adventure, and then they go out on the field to kill others again.

-Something fun.

  • Oikawa: Iwa-chan! Iwa-chan! Who's cuter in glasses? Me or Tsuki-chan? *does his stupid peace sign thingy you know the one with his tongue n shit*
  • Tsuki: please don't call me tha-
  • Iwa: Tsukishima
  • Oikawa and Tsuki: ???!!!
  • Tsuki: *blushes*
  • Oikawa: IWA-CHAN!! WHAT ABOUT ME??
  • Kuroo: *comes out of the nowhere* come on man look at him!
  • Tsuki: Kuroo-san? *gets redder*
  • Iwa: *shrugs*
  • Oikawa: you guys are mean!
  • Bokuto: it's not his fault he's cuter than you dude
  • Tsuki: Bo-
  • Akaashi: I agree
  • Iwa: where are you guys coming from?

Headcanon: at the wedding, Victor and Yuri (or just Victor) throw the bouquet. Phichit catches it and turns, immediately meeting Seung-gil’s eyes. Seung-gil gets this look. “Fuck no.” Phichit gets this look. “Oh fuck yes.” He had lightly been crushing on him before but now it’s FATE.

Spends the next year chasing Seung-gil around the world. Supports the fuck out of him at competitions. Always sends him the cutest little stuffed animals for the kiss and cry. Actually cries when Seung-gil places he’s so happy for him. He always crashes practices trying to get Seung-gil to dance with him.

At Leo and Guang Hong’s wedding, Seung-gil ends up SOMEHOW catching the bouquet (more like Leo punted it at his face). PHICHIT MADE DAMN SURE HE WAS RIGHT THERE.

THEY get married the next year. Live happily ever after. The Squad is complete and happy. Leo and Guang Hong lowkey high five whenever they see these two DORKS kiss.

The End.

(Bonus: Yurio and Otabek marry three years later. It’s the lamest wedding. Lasts like ten minutes before Yurio tells everyone to fuck off. But these losers are happy so The Squad doesn’t care. Victor does. He’s pissed. He wanted Yurio to ride in on a horse. Yuri tells him not every skaters wedding can be as crazy cool as theirs was. Yuri and Victor get married AGAIN bc Victor is so upset by the snooze fest Yurio’s wedding was)

You know what’s currently missing from Supernatural? A character that sees Crowley as a friend. Someone who thanks him when he helps out. Someone who’s happy to see him. Someone who wonders if he’s ok, who worries. Someone who accepts him, flaws and all. Someone who plays along with his innuendos and laughs at his jokes. Someone who loves him.

Because I’m getting tired of this whole, Crowley volunteering to help and getting the shit beat out of him and no one ends up caring, routine.

He deserves so much better.

Lots of people have done things at age 13 that wound up following them the rest of their lives, but it’s rarely anything good (most likely an event that resulted in a crude genital or feces-based nickname). Well, Zack Ward made this little Christmas movie 33 years ago, and still gets stopped on the street. He probably always will.

“It happens all the time, it’s bizarre. I’m 47, I wear glasses, and still everywhere I go, two or three times a week. Johnny Depp came up to me once, Snoop Dogg came up to me and was like ‘Hey, man, aren’t you that guy I wanted to beat the shit out of when I was a kid?’”

Keep in mind, when A Christmas Story was released in 1983 it only made $19 million (for comparison, the long-forgotten helicopter action movie Blue Thunder, made 42 million that year). But now it’s impossible to get through the holiday season without seeing at least a clip of it (TNT does a 24-hour marathon of just this movie on Christmas Eve every year). It took the cast a few years to realize they had something iconic on their hands.

My Bizarre Life After Playing The Bully In A Christmas Story

How my great-uncle Siegfried saved his entire family by punching a Nazi

So, my family were assimilated German Jews living in southwest Germany in a little town called Reinheim. And my great-uncle Siegfriend was both physically huge and also kind of a hot-headed young punk. It’s the mid-30s, and someone on the street calls him a “dirty Jew” so, naturally, Siegfried beats the shit out of the guy.

That evening, a mob starts to gather, wanting to lynch Siegfried for laying hands on a non-Jewish kid. The police come by the house and say “we know he was provoked, we’re not arresting him, but we’d like to take him into protective custody for the night to let this blow over.” He goes.

That night, someone at the police station lets the mob into his cell. They beat him nearly to death. When the police dump him at the family home the next day he’s caked in blood and nearly dead. The story I’ve heard always includes the line “his shirt was so full of blood it stood up on its own.”

And, of course, the mob is still coming for them.

That was the wake-up call they needed to get out of the country, early. It saved their lives.

i wonder if gov. kaelan had the same revenge fantasy that magnus had, like i hope he was still obsessed with finding and killing magnus even though he already destroyed his home

like they meet again some day and he’s like “magnus burnsides, at long last. its time to face our destinies” and magnus is just like

“um sorry who are you”

then taako and merle come out of the shadows cracking their knuckles and grinning wildly, about to beat the shit out of him while magnus is still like “guys what are you doing, who is this person”

guys… I just realized that the omnic from the Hero short is more human than most people out there… look at this

he’s making the peace sign guys… he could have beat the shit out of those assholes (because he’s made out of metal you know) but no… he just wants peace, he wants to show that omnics are good

look at this poor thing

look at him guys, just standing there defending the idea that humans and omnics can live together in peace, he could kick their asses, but he doesn’t

Confession

I really want to take a bat and beat the shit out of this stupid white boy on Twitter. He was bitching about a black girl saying she doesn’t like him because she doesn’t like white boys. He calls her racist, so I stand up for her and now he took my picture and is now trying to talk shit about my braids and my skin. I reported him. Then some white bitch said “she must get curved by white guys.” Bye. I don’t like dog smelling shrimp dick. He’s just mad because she didn’t want his disrespectful, white ass!

Guys, gals, and gender nonconforming individuals, I’m writing a Les Mis Brooklyn 99 AU and I’m having issues deciding which to choose.

Irritating but talented Dectective Grantaire with overly hardworking (but terrible at cooking) Enjolras who is mad he won’t take his job seriously. While intimidating detective Eponine, (Diaz) who could beat the shit out of you, is dating the sweet adopted daughter of Captain Javert and Valjean. (But they don’t break up at the end)
OR
Terrifying detective Enjolras (Diaz in this scenario) having extreme sexual tension with extremely paranoid Grantaire who just returned from working undercover. While uptight Feuilly is angry at Bahorel who threw away a law in career to fuck around as a detective.

Dating Modern!Edmund in High School would include:

• First off, you guys probably met on the debate team and hated each other’s guts.

• It was when you two were set up to work on a project that you really bonded and somehow familiarised yourself with the fact that you liked him.

• He kissed you at the state championships after you guys won, and you didn’t give a shit that you were standing in front of about a hundred people.

• You guys meet up after school to ‘study’ at your local library. You were kicked out two weeks later when the librarian found you making out in the non-fiction section.

• You would tease him about his reading glasses, but found it hot.

• And he knew so that’s why he wore them.

• In a test, you would always try beating each other with your final scores.

• KISSING YOUR FOREHEAD OR NOSE EVERYTIME YOU GET STRESSED OUT AND TREATING YOU TO CHOCOLATE/CANDY OH MY GOD

• When you guys had a free period, you would usually find an unoccupied class and well….you get the idea.

• When either of you has a problem with a teacher, the other goes to back them up and the teacher just gets downright intimidated.

• You both proof read each other’s assignments and if there are any grammar mistakes, neither of you will let it go.

• “Hey, Ed?”

• “Yes, love?”

• “Remember that time when you spelt jurisdiction wrong-”

• “IT WAS ONE BLOODY TIME, (Y/N).”

• If Edmund finds you in the hallway, he’ll wrap his arms around you for a brief moment and kiss your shoulder before taking off to his class.

• When he’s sitting beside you in class, you’ll hold hands underneath the desk or he’ll have his hand on your knee, drumming his fingers whenever he got bored.

• You won’t easily get jealous of girls trying to flirt with Ed, because you know it annoys him more than you.

They better make Golisopod the most badass pokemon in the anime like I’m expecting a fucking Jojo attack rush from him. If the pokedex says he uses all 6 arms to fight I wanna see him beat the living shit out of something with those six arms. First Impression may be a good move but he’s got 5 more impressions that’ll fuck you up real good.