he beats himself up

Alec Lightwood 2x09

I get Raphael is trying to help Izzy and she definitely manipulated him, and that needs to be acknowledged, but she’s Alec’s baby sister, the one he would go to the ends of the world to protect her, like we saw in season 1, especially with that trial, he did everything in his power to make sure she was ok. Although, he has no excuse to hit Raphael  he won’t be listening to reason or logic, he will not only be beating himself up for not seeing what was happening to Izzy but he’ll be lashing out.

I know Raphael is not to blame, NOT at all and Alec should know that, but he’s gonna make mistakes. He’s young and hot-headed and so so so scared for his little sister. 

And Alec will realize his mistake, he just has to process it first, he did fuck up for sure, for lashing out at Magnus and Raphael but he needs to learn. That’s the beauty of it, seeing a character learn and grow and understand.

Family is everything to Alec and the idea that one of them is hurt terrifies him, he’s gonna blame himself and he’s gonna try and compensate by doing everything he can to fix things and because he feels guilty he’s gonna sabotage so much going on around him, like when it comes to fighting with Magnus, logically he knows it isn’t his fault but he’ll fight anyway, unconsciously pushing him away, unconsciously thinking that he doesn’t deserve him that the relationship might not be good because he let himself get lost in it and he didn’t notice Izzy spiraling.

Alec Lightwood isn’t perfect, but he is a good person, he’s just doing his best.

Also: (I have siblings and I know for a fact that  they wouldn’t hesitate  to punch someone if they hurt me, No matter the circumstances and vice versa)

anonymous asked:

Hello love! I have a request for you ❤️ I'm working my way through chapter 13 of FFXV to rescue Prompto and it's making me sad lol. Could I get little AU scenarios of the Chocobros taking care of their s/o after saving them from Dumpster King (Ardyn)? I say AU because I'm gonna stay in dreamland where Noct doesn't get sucked into the crystal 😅. Thanks a bunch! ~3^

Hello love!! Ahh my first request!! Also, yes, I also like to believe that no one was hurt/blinded/died because mY BABIES.


  • Noctis thanked the Six for keeping his s/o alive. Ardyn had taken them in the confusion of the train. He was already beating himself up for not keeping an eye on them. He held them close for hours, letting them cry on his shoulder. They wouldn’t stop shaking. Even as they slept. 
  • He let them sleep on the bed alone, let them have their rest. The boys had gone out in search of food. Noct stayed behind. He didn’t want to leave them alone again. 
  • He heard them muttering in their sleep. He went to go to pull the blanket back and check to see if they were awake.
  • But their hand shot out so fast, gripped his wrist so hard- where did they get that strength from
  • S/o is panting so hard, fear etched into their eyes. Shaking even harder.
  • Then they meet Noct’s eyes and they feel so guilty, they nearly attacked him.
  • Sobs are choking out and they put their fists in their eyes, trying to stop the tears, the flashbacks, the pain.
  • They lean against him and he wordlessly places them in his lap. He wraps his arms around them as tightly as possible.
  • “It’s okay, its over now. He won’t hurt you again. I promise you.”
  • Whenever they wake up crying or when he feels them shaking, he asks if he can hold them, and they nod every time. He holds them and talks to them, about his dad, about his time in Tenebrae, anything to get their mind off things. The soft rumble from his voice in his chest calms them down and they eventually stop shaking.


  • “It should have been me, they should have taken me!”
  • Prompto would be the most emotional. He would cry as soon as he saw his s/o again. He would hold them and kiss them, make sure they’re not injured. Cry some more.
  • Back at the hotel, he’d never leave their side. He’d ask if they were okay every half-hour. They would nod and ask to be held. He’d grab a blanket and wrap it around him and his s/o. 
  • Sometimes, they won’t ask to be held. He’ll ask anyways and they say, “No, I’m okay for now. Being touched makes me feel claustrophobic.”
  • He’ll understand but he’ll be so sad. Sunshine needs his cuddles.
  • But then he’ll just start sending memes to their phone. They’ve been spending most of the time on their phone, trying to get their mind off things, especially when they cant sleep.
  • He’ll send things funnier than the last. He’ll feel 10x better, seeing them smile. He’ll feel even better once they seek contact again but he’s taking it one step at a time. 
  • He gets them a chocobo plushy. Its perfect, because now the nightmares are becoming less frequent. All thanks to Mr. Kweh! 
  • “Mr. Kweh, huh?”
  • “Short for Kweh-ton Tarantino!”
  • He’d want to cry with how much progress they’ve made. He’s so proud that they’re so strong.


  • If he could see how broken his s/o was when they were saved, his heart would have broken and he would have stormed up to Ardyn and murdered him.
  • But he could feel it anyways. They’re trying to be strong for him, they don’t want to burden him. But he knows something is off.
  • He’d ask them to sit next to him. He wants to take their pulse. But even as they’re just reading a book next to him, he can feel their pulse quickening. He can hear their erratic breathing.
  • “I’m going to make some tea, Ignis.” 
  • And as they’re making tea, banging around, he could hear them sighing, pacing. Tapping their toes, fingers. 
  • “Darling?”
  • They’d nearly drop the leaves. He walks over to them, putting a hand out to them. They’d take it and he’d pull them in for a hug.
  • “Please, don’t suffer alone in this. I’m here to help you. Talk to me, sweet.”
  • S/o would start crying, saying that they don’t want to burden him, that he has enough to worry about, they’ll be fine-.
  • “You are not fine, you’re in a right state! Please, darling. Let me help.”
  • And that’s how Ignis begins doing what he can do again. His s/o helps with his cooking, and he relearns how to do everything without his eyesight. His s/o puts out the ingredients and spiced, makes sure everything is perfect. He’ll instruct them with how to do things. And once he’s confident to do things by himself he’ll make them their favorite whenever possible.


  • He’s so fiercely protective of his s/o. The fact that they were somehow taken right from his hands still angers him and he has to take a few breaths to calm down. 
  • He noticed a change right away. They weren’t as chatty or cuddly. They smiled less often and appeared to be deep in thought. They’d chew on their fingernails more often. Actually, he doesn’t think he ever saw them bite their nails. 
  • What would really get him was when he would hear shushed sobs. Or them sniffling. Growing up with his sister, when he would hear sniffling, something was always up. He asked and asked but his s/o would say nothing. They’d shake their head and say it was silly.
  • “I guess I’m still dealing with the whole Ardyn thing.”
  • He’d have to swallow down the bile coming up his throat and take a deep breath. 
  • He’d bring them to their lap and talk to them. Ask them what they were thinking about. Whatever it was, the nightmares, flashbacks, he’d be patient to help them through it. 
  • “My arms and ears are always open to you, baby.”
  • He’d give them the sweetest kisses. 
  • He’d teach them more self defense. Especially on days where the adrenaline and anxiety is extra high. 
  • They’ll run relaxing baths when they were done sparring and he’ll hold them close. 
  • He’ll be more relaxed when they laugh. When they laugh, everything in the world is good. 
  • He’ll thank the Six each and every day for them.

Ahhh okay!! I hope i did okay!!! eeeee my first request!! I hope you like it nonny, I hope you’re having a really good day! I hope they aren’t too different in length or substance. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Can someone please write a fic about Bitty getting diagnosed with ADHD in college?

Like maybe Dex takes a psych class to fulfill a credit and we all know you’re not supposed to try and diagnose family and friends (and yourself) when you’re a student but everyone does it anyway. And Dex is trying really hard not to pass any judgment on Bitty but now that he’s living at the Haus (got Lardo’s dibs) he can’t stop making connections between Bitty’s behavior and some hallmark ADHD symptoms.
So one weekend Bitty is nearly in tears because this paper isn’t finished and writing is like pulling teeth and he just can’t get himself to get it done. Dex brings him a sandwich and water and gives him encouragement but is also tied up in knots because if Bitty actually has ADHD getting a diagnosis might help a lot. At least he’ll probably beat himself up less about academic stuff and maybe find a coach to help him with life. And maybe meds if he’s open to it.
So finally (after Bitty turned in the paper and is feeling sweet relief) Dex decides to mention it in passing. At first Bitty is like “who does this crazy northerner think he is”, but after he sits on it a bit and does some research he concedes that Dex may have a point.
So he goes to student health services and is referred to the mental health clinic where they can do testing. Then he finds out that formal testing would cost him $500 (which is the reduced student rate, normally its 2gs), and he almost starts crying again right there at the office because he doesn’t have $500 just lying around and he doesn’t want to ask his parents, but he was really looking forward to the possibility of getting extensions on papers and extra time on tests, etc. and he can’t have that anymore…
He tells Dex about the situation and Dex feels so let down because??? Psychology is supposed to help people and ??? Not turn them away if they don’t have the money?????
So with Bitty’s permission they decide to do a bake sale fundraiser. Jack buys the ingredients (he offered to pay for the testing but Bitty decided it didn’t feel right to do that) which costs about $100. And Bitty bakes two dozen pies selling at $4 a slice. He thinks the price is a bit steep for college students to pay but Dex assures him that “if you bake it they will come”. They sell out in an hour and a half.
Bitty has enough to not only pay for testing but also pay Jack back for the supplies. (And maybe a treat for himself too bc he earned it damnit).
After all of that, Bitty finally make the appointment.
He almost has a breakdown because what if??? He doesn’t actually have ADHD? And all this work was for nothing, and he doesn’t have a diagnosis and he won’t get accommodations and he’ll just be a struggling suffering student and that’s it????
The testing take five hours and he feels like he wants to die afterwards. His brain is mush. His body is exhausted. He can barely form coherent sentences. He just wants to go to Annie’s and then lie down forever.
Three weeks later he goes back to the clinic to get his results. They tell him he has ADHD (combined type) and ask him about how he wants to go about getting accommodations and if he’s interested in therapy or coaching or meds?
And Bitty just starts laughing hysterically because??? for some reason he’s still surprised?? Like he can’t really wrap his mind around the fact that he actually has a disability and he isn’t just lazy or stupid. It’s a lot to process.
He tells them he’s interested in all accommodations and they set appointments with a psychiatrist and a therapist and with someone in student services. He doesn’t know yet what will be most helpful so it’s just researching all of it.
Jack tells Bitty he supports him no matter what and they talk about Jack’s experiences with therapy and meds (the good the bad and the ugly). It helps Bitty to process everything and start to feel more normal again. He’s so grateful that he has Jack both as a resource and a source of support while he finds his own footing.
It’s going to be a long road, but for the first time he feels like he can actually get there.

He’s Dangerous, But Not Around You: Part 3

A/N: This sort of ends abruptly, but if I didn’t end it here the imagine would have been extremely long so I’ll be posting part 4 within the next three days x 

Part 1 Part 2

Masterlist linked in bio

Three months after Harry called off his relationship with Y/n, it was his birthday, and just like every other year for the past five, the boys decided to spend his birthday weekend at Louis’ family lake house. It was one of the few times a year they’d go- only saved for special occasions. It’s secluded, far from the city, but close enough so that it’s not too much out of their way.

Their tradition when it comes to Harry’s birthday weekend has remained the same for years now. A bonfire, a couple of poker games, countless amounts of beer, and occasional midnight skinny dipping. However, this year, the only change in tradition is Y/n not being there.

The second Harry steps foot out of his car, the whole idea of spending his birthday without Y/n makes him feel sick to his stomach. This was their favorite place to be together. They didn’t know why, but something about the privacy and the exclusiveness of it enhanced their relationship in unimaginable ways. They have had many occasions where they would flee from London without a word and spend a couple days alone here. 

The guys scurry out of the car in excitement, absolutely stoked to be back in the grand Tomlinson lake house. Harry sighs, slamming his car door shut before half-heartedly making his way inside.

He can’t blame their excitement when it came to the celebration weekend, however, they hadn’t seemed to notice how off Harry became the first couple of hours upon their arrival. But what else did he expect? He didn’t tell them, he didn’t tell them any of it. He didn’t want to. He knew they knew, anyways, but he had constantly beat himself up, blaming himself for destroying the one thing in his life he felt was genuinely worth fighting for. If he had told them what he did, he would never hear the end of it. He didn’t need anyone else to remind him of how much he had fucked up.

But ever since Y/n had left, something in him changed. He had no desire to fight anymore. Three days after he broke it off, he was worse than ever. Getting himself into numerous fights multiple times a day. It was his way of coping the loss of her, the loss of his only true humanity. However, when the fourth day came, and Harry started to really understand the fact that he was never going to see Y/n again, was when the pain really set in. He felt himself suffocating in a horrendous amount of guilt. 

She had tried so hard, she pushed him harder than anybody else had. Nobody put as much faith in him as she had. She stayed with him in times he truly didn’t deserve it. Hell, there were even days where she was so mad at him that all she could do was yell and yell and yell, and even then she still slept in the same bed as him. He couldn’t live with letting all of that go- letting her go- so he decided to prove himself wrong

It was the biggest fight of his life, the one against himself; when half of him wanted to inflict his pain onto other people and the other half wanting desperately to change himself for the sake of his relationship with Y/n. But he knew he was stronger than the monster inside of him, even though he believed he was weaker. What made him strong was Y/n’s relationship with him, he would stop at nothing to get her back.

It didn’t take Y/n more than a couple days to tell Zayn what had happened. He called her, asking what was going on since Harry had been a complete wreck with no sign of her in his life. She explained, in the best that she could between her harsh sobs and broken whimpers that Harry had left her. He broke up with her, tried to convince her that they didn’t belong together, and eventually confessed that he wasn’t willing to change for her. 

Y/n made him promise not to tell anybody else because she felt that this was Harry’s responsibility, not anybody else. Of course, Zayn kept his promise and never said a word about it to anyone. 

The rest of the guys tried to get it out of him, though. They never forced it, but occasionally mentioned her to see what he would say or do, but he just ignored them. The mention of her name killed him on the inside, and he, truthfully, still couldn’t face the reality that they aren’t together anymore.

To say the guys have been concerned for him is an understatement. Yeah, he’s stopped fighting, but he’s still not the same Harry he was when he was with Y/n. He’s constantly thinking, his mind always somewhere not where it’s supposed to be. He drinks more, too, which used to spike up his anger, but now only spikes up his sadness. He has no motivation to do anything besides stay in his house and dwell on the guilt he’s carried.

Getting him to the lake house is one of their ways of getting him to heal. They just don’t know how much this place kills him, though. God, he can’t even look at a single square inch of it without seeing her in his head. How the hell is he going to get through the weekend?

The boys begin to notice how hurt Harry is when he begins to prepare for the bonfire they planned on having later that night. This is Harry’s first birthday after his break up with Y/n, and instead of telling them how truly heartbreaking it was for him, he avoided that topic of conversation completely. He was already depressed enough, he didn’t need to bury himself in it on his own birthday.

While Harry sets up the firewood needed for the bonfire, he’s distant. He’s distracted, not consuming himself in any of the boys’ conversations. They know Y/n’s already on his mind, she’s the only one who gets him daydreaming.

Harry sighs, lifting heavy piles of wood and constructing them into a setup for later. He’s finished now, has been finished for a while, but he just can’t stop. All he can think about is how Y/n isn’t with him, how she’s probably in her new home, sulking, hating him for ruining her life. It’s his birthday, and she probably hates him.

He sighs, placing his hands on his knees and leaning forward, eyes trained on the ground. He just can’t get her out of his head, no matter how much he tries to distract himself, almost every waking moment he’s thinking about the first time they met.

They were at a party Zayn’s aunt decided to host. It was a casual-formal event, just something special for her close friends to feel welcomed to upon their return to London after being in the states for a while.

Zayn was, obviously, invited. His aunt even insisted on him bringing his best friends, which he probably would have done anyways because he wasn’t too familiar with the family the party was for. The only member he’s ever really talked to was Y/n. She was super shy, very introverted, but was extremely sweet nonetheless. She had talked to Zayn a couple times when they stayed at his aunt’s house simultaneously. Other than that, they didn’t talk much.

“C’mon, you’re just gonna stand in the corner all night?” Zayn approached Harry, a glass of vodka held loosely in his hands.

Harry was pissed he was even in the situation he was in. Social events weren’t his thing, never something he found entertaining. He didn’t care about this stupid family’s return, he didn’t even know them.

“This is the last goddam place I want to be right now” Harry seethed, “I’m pissed off at you for even fucking forcing me here, don’t force me to try and mingle too.”

He let out a slight grumble in Zayn’s direction before making his way to the mini bar. On his way, in the midst of his aggravation, he felt a body collide with his. He groaned, a slight growl in the mix, definitely not in any mood for people to get in his way.

“Watch where you’re-“

“Oh, sorry” the girl gasped, “didn’t see you there.”

Harry’s body immediately froze at the sight of her. She was the most stunning woman he’s ever seen. Her eyes were sparkling with sorrow, lips parted slightly due to the impact. Her outfit complimented her body shape beautifully, leaving him absolutely speechless.

“I- It’s okay” he stuttered, eyes never leaving her, “are you okay?”

She nodded slightly, completely captivated by the most handsome man standing in front of her. God, how he was so beautiful, she would have never known a man like this could ever exist in this world.

“I’m okay” she softly spoke, “thank you.”

Harry insisted on buying her a drink as a way to apologize for not exactly paying attention to where he was going. They chatted for a while, mainly about the party. Come to find out, she was the daughter of Zayn’s aunt’s friends. She hadn’t gone to the states with them, however, she didn’t really make too much of an effort to go and see her in her stay in London.

They were talking quite well, considering Harry definitely did give her an attitude at times and somehow made her feel extremely intimidated whenever he did so. But he had to admit, it was one of the best conversations he’s had in a while, despite his unfriendly character.

“What’s your name, by the way?” Harry finally asked.

She blushed slightly.

“I’m Y/n. And you?”


“Oh, you’re Harry.” Y/n said quietly, a hint of realization in her tone of voice.

Harry didn’t like the way she said it, as if insulting him in a way. Which, for him, was a bit of a let down considering there was a moment where he genuinely believed she was different.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Harry snapped, his voice somehow rougher and more raspy than how it was before, “Like you’re any better?“

His fierce stare upon her made Y/n feel belittled. When he spoke to her, he made her feel as if her existence was the dirt beneath his shoes. No wonder Zayn had warned her, no girl like Y/n could survive five minutes with such an intimidating man.

“Oh- um- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that Zayn had told me to stay away from you.” She stuttered, her voice barely above a mumble.

She still refused to make eye contact with him, only for the sake of her safety. She was too afraid to look at him now, when his body seemed tense and eyes filled with aggression. She was an easy pray for people like him to feed on- to get a good kick out of.

“I should go” she muttered, “It was lovely to meet you.”

Almost too quickly, she grabbed her bag off the bar and began to make her way back to where she was before. However, before making it too far, she felt a hand grab ahold of her wrist.

He didn’t know why, but when he had seen the fear set in Y/n’s eyes, an overwhelming feeling of guilt set upon him. It was strange, to feel so much of it hit him over one girl’s reaction. He had done this many times to many people, all of which having a moment of complete vulnerability during his encounters with them. But they didn’t necessarily make him feel anything more than the slightest bit of regret.

“Hey” he whispered softly, delicately pulling her back to where he was standing, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

Y/n looked into his eyes as he spoke, giving her the reassurance she needed. He was genuine, she could tell, his eyes screamed sympathy.

“It’s oka-“

“But Zayn is right,” Harry continued, slowly letting her arm go “you should stay away from me.”

Before she had any time to react, he had walked away from her.

The rest of the night, Y/n was determined to speak to him again. After meeting him for the first time, she had an innumerable amount of questions she pressed Zayn to answer. Why is he always angry? Is he dangerous? But why was he so nice to me when I walked away?

Zayn explained that Harry wasn’t someone she should be concerned about. All he told her was that he had been hurt one too many times and it caused him to become violent towards those who threaten potential pain. He doesn’t apologize to anybody, and told her that it was quite strange how he had to her.

Harry couldn’t stop thinking about her. He didn’t know what it was, exactly, that intrigued him so much. Besides the fact she was the most beautiful woman he’s ever laid his eyes on, she was so easy to talk with. She was quiet, and apart of him liked that about her. The moment he hurt her, he just felt so bad, like it was the last thing he ever wanted to see.

Which is why he walked away from her.

When he saw Zayn later that night, he had asked about her. He asked how they had known each other, asked about her life and where she lived. He was determined to know more about her. It wasn’t even that he just wanted to, but it felt like he had to, like he was being compelled to feel this way toward her.

Right as he was about to leave the party, he had heard her voice behind him


He slowly turned to look at her. She was looking as shy as ever, fingers fiddling together, cheeks blushed, eyes unsure. She didn’t know exactly what she was going to say, but she wanted to try.

“I want to get to know you.” She spoke softly, her hand reaching up to tuck some of her loose hair behind her ear.

He swore his heart melted. The second the words fell from her lips, he was willing to do whatever it took to get to know her.

“I know you said I should stay away from you, but I don’t want to.”

“Harry,” Zayn mumbles, snapping Harry out of his thoughts, “do you want to talk about it?”

Harry didn’t realize he was near tears until Zayn snapped him out of his trance. He didn’t look at them as he returns to placing the logs in piles, contemplating whether or not to disregard his statement or not. Of course he wants to talk about how much mental pain he’s in from not being with Y/n anymore, but he just can’t talk about it. They know that, too, because if he were ready, he would have already.

“Can you stop asking about her, please?” He groans, tossing the last piece of wood onto the top of the pile, “I know you guys know, so please, don’t make me say it.”

He doesn’t bother to look at them, instead, wiping off some of the sweat off his forehead with the sleeve of his flannel before making his way inside the house to change out of his sweaty clothes. He didn’t want to seem rude, but he’s completely and utterly broken, if he has to be questioned about her again he swears he’ll actually become ill.

Half-heartedly making his way to the bedroom, Harry opens up the duffle bag that sits on top of the bed, that he has yet to unpack, searching through the folded clothes to find his plain gray t-shirt he plans on wearing for later that night. Slipping off his flannel and sliding off the now dirty white tank top underneath, he puts on the t-shirt, throwing the dirty clothes into the laundry bin.

Once changed, Harry begins to unpack the remaining clothes out of his bag. His hands are shaking as he does so, breathing heavy when he sets his clothes down on the bed. His stomach twists with sick at the idea of sleeping in this goddamn room.

This was the first place they made love. It was within the first month of being with each other, filled with beautiful romance and bliss. It was the best night of his life. It was the first time he had touched someone so delicately before. The first time his violent hands spread love throughout her body. He said words he never thought he’d say again. Words that he actually fucking meant, words to express how his once cold heart felt warm for what felt like the first time in his life. 

It was her first visit to the lake house. She had just finished cleaning up the remaining dishes, insisting that even though she was the guest, she had to contribute to the clean up after having a barbecue. Harry was sitting by the kitchen table, just watching her, observing her as she hummed an unknown tune, her hair messily tied up on her head. He could hear the boys playing poker in the living room, which he would have played if Harry hadn’t already planned on taking Y/n out near the lake after she had finished cleaning up.

“Alright, Harry, all done.” she smiled, “Now what was it you wanted to show me?”

She made her way toward his sitting frame, taking a seat right on top of his lap. Combing her fingers through his hair, she planted a delicate kiss on the tip of his nose, making Harry’s face blush the color of roses. He reached his arms around her waist, nuzzling her body against his.

“Hm,” he hummed, kissing the exposed skin on her shoulder, “was gonna show you the lake, but almost considering just cuddling you all night long.”

Y/n smiled as Harry leaned in to press a hard kiss against her soft lips. She breathed out heavily, fingertips moving to caress his cheeks, his unshaved stubble scraping against their pads.

“Gross!” they heard Niall call from the living room, “I call the room farthest from yours!”

They both laughed, Harry rolling his eyes at the comment.

“As fantastic that sounds” Y/n smirked, raking her fingers on his back under his shirt, “this is my first time here, and it’s your birthday weekend. I want to explore it with you.”

She leaned down to quickly peck his chapped lips, which soon turned into a wild smirk. His green eyes looked into her brown ones, his fingers dancing along the nape of her neck.

“I can do that for you.”

Once they were by the lake, they sat in silence together. She was cuddled into him, sitting in between his legs, her head rolled back onto his shoulder, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist. They admired the nature they were surrounded by, overwhelmed by the feeling of each other’s company under the moon. It felt like a dream, every bit of it did. It was such a surreal moment for them. They didn’t need to speak about anything for a while, being this close to each other, feeling each other’s bodies against one another was enough for them. They felt closer than ever.

They kissed, and kissed, and kissed. So much so that Y/n ended up on top of him. Her legs were straddling his waist, hands roaming under his shirt, nails scratching at his ribs. Harry had his hands all in her hair, as if trying to pull her closer to him, as if it were even possible.  Her lips traveled down to his neck, kissing every bit of the exposed skin. She just couldn’t get enough. They both couldn’t.

“Y/n.” Harry whispered.

“I love you, Harry.” She muttered against his skin.

“So in love with you.“

It was the first time it was said. They both knew they loved each other once they met. Hell, it was obvious. It didn’t need to be said, but she said it anyways. She said it like she meant it, too, like her heart was blooming as she spoke. God, he even felt her tears against his neck. She was so overwhelmed by their love, the words just slipped out in the moment, but oh how she meant them.

In that moment, he was a weak man. He completely surrendered himself to her love. He was willing for it to have all control over him. He made a promise to himself, to devote his life proving his love for her, proving that he will be the man she deserves in her life, not the man he had other people see.

“Y/n,” he whispers again, fingers gliding down her waist, “I’m so in love with you. I always will be.”

That night, once he had taken her to their room, they made love over and over and over again. It was their first time, opening up to each other in a completely different way than they usually did. His lips captured hers perfectly, his hands fit in hers as if they were, quite literally, made for each other. His name became a mantra, her body became a temple. It was an entirely new level of trust. It was a night that they could have re-lived every day for the rest of their lives, easily, with not a complaint in the world.

Fuck” Harry spits, reaching the back of his hand up to eyes in an attempt to wipe the tears threatening to spill.

He can’t sleep in here, there’s no way he could, not without Y/n. Not without her in his arms, not without making love to her beforehand. His bed at home made him sick enough, but here? He just can’t fathom it.

He begins to shove the clothes he’s started to unpack back into his suitcase. He can’t stay in here another minute. He’ll lose his goddamn mind.

While zipping up his bag, he hears the front door open. Niall’s laugh fills the silence in the house upon his entrance, which gives Harry an idea on how to fix his sleeping situation without raiding the couch.

“Niall!” Harry yells, slinging the bag over his shoulder.

Niall makes his way up the steps toward his voice.


“We’re switching rooms!”

“Oh hell no!”

Niall goes into the room Harry’s in, his face strict and serious.

“You and Y/n have fucked on that bed way too many times. I don’t even think you washed the sheets last time you guys did it on there, either. Pretty sure this room has a permanent stench of sex because of you two.”

Harry’s jaw clenches. Normally, he’d have a rational conversation until he got his way, but he isn’t taking this situation lightly. So, instead, he grabs Niall’s wrist harshly, eyes narrowing down at him as he takes a threatening step closer to him.

Niall’s eyes widen as he looks up at him. Not even because a small part of him felt intimidated, but because this is the first time Harry has shown aggression toward anybody within the past couple of months. There is a chance the part he’s been hiding is becoming unleashed, but Niall knows it was easily set off by Harry’s many failed attempts to get Y/n out of his head.

“I don’t think you understand, Niall” Harry seethes, “I may have not laid my hands on anyone in months, but missing Y/n doesn’t only make me sad, it makes me dangerous. I will not hesitate to do whatever it takes to be as far away from this room as possible. Now I will not tell you again, we are switching rooms.”

Niall rips his hand out of Harry’s grip, shaking it around a bit from the amount of pressure Harry was gripping it with.

“Alright, Jesus,” he groans, “but you better wash those fucking sheets. I refuse to sleep in a bed full of sex.“

Harry lets out a breath he was holding in, somewhat relieved that he doesn’t have to be spending three nights in his own personal hell. 

Adjusting the strap of his bag onto his shoulder, Harry slowly nods as he continues to look at Niall. He feels bad for treating him in the way he just did, but the idea of becoming more hurt than he already was is something he wouldn’t be able to live with. 

“Yeah, yeah I will.” He mutters. “I’m sorry, by the way, for that. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I can’t be in this room for another second without losing my mind. I really can’t.”

Niall sighs, slowly reaching up to wrap his arms security around Harry. Being like his brother, he really has felt so bad for what he’s been going through. He can’t imagine the heartbreak, or how he’s even surviving the breakup as well as he has. 

Harry reaches his arms around Niall’s body, hugging him back.

“It’s okay, bud. I get it, you don’t have to apologize. I’ll even wash the sheets for you.”

Harry lets out a slight laugh, shaking his head briefly before detaching himself from Niall and making his way into his room.

Once settled, Harry makes his way down to the kitchen to grab a couple of beers and take some time to himself. If this weekend is going to haunt the living shit out of him, he might as well try to make himself relax the slightest bit.

With a bottle of beer held loosely in his hand, he opens the sliding door that leads to the porch. Leaning his body against the doorway, Harry admires the sun setting on the lake, watching as the wind moves the leaves in small dance.

For the first time since the breakup, he actually feels at peace.

“She broke up with you, didn’t she?” Liam asks, suddenly joining Harry on the porch as he sips on a bottle of beer, slinging his arm around Harry’s shoulders.

Harry rolls his eyes, the accusation of her leaving him must have been the topic of all their conversations. Of course that’s what they thought, it must have been so convenient for them to think Y/n could live a great life without him while he would be a danger to the streets. That’s how much he needed her, but they never seemed to notice how much she needed him, not how Harry noticed.

“Why is everyone so convinced that if we were to ever break up, she’d be the one that called it off?” Harry snarls.

“I was the one who ended it.” He continues, “It wasn’t working out.”

He takes a swig from his beer, eyes still trained on the view of the lake. He doesn’t want to continue this conversation, doesn’t want to relive the night that tore his life apart. Most of all, he doesn’t want to talk about it here, at this stupid fucking lake house, and have to dwell on the pain he wishes he could erase. He doesn’t want to be reminded that he was the one who did this to them.

“C’mon,” Liam sighs, “she was the only thing you had. She was the only one to get this Harry back. You were just afraid she’d leave you first.”

Harry decides not to answer, not knowing how to respond. Of course that’s why he ended it, that’s how he operates. He pushes those away just so that nobody pushes him away. He could deal with anybody else doing it, but if Y/n had left him first, there was no way he’d ever make it through that. Not a fiber in his body doubts that for even a second.

“Have you spoken to her at all?” Liam breaks the silence.

Harry looks down at his beer, circling it in his hands. Why does he keep asking him questions he clearly doesn’t want to answer?

“She said she never wanted to see me again.” Harry mumbles, “I haven’t spoken to her since she left.”

Jesus, Harry.” Liam whispers. “Are you okay?”

Something about that question makes something inside of Harry twist. Is he okay? How can he be okay? He hasn’t seen the love of his life, hasn’t talked to her, hasn’t even heard the sound of her breathing in months. Every part of his body hurts every time he thinks about her because the feeling of being away from her is the most painful feeling in the world.

His life was consumed by her love. His entire world changed when he met her. Nobody else could he lay his hands so sweetly on, could his voice speak so softly to, could his heart swell so greatly for. She changed him, even though he was too scared to admit it to her, she changed him. She gave him hope- gave him a reason to hold onto himself.

Since she’s left, in times when he’s at his all-time low, all he can think about is how his arms felt holding her, how his lips felt kissing her, how fucking relieving and beautiful it was to talk to her, and how he let all of that go.

How can he be okay?

Tears cloud his vision, his hands begin to shake. Oh, God. He thought he was over this. He thought he was over the emotions, he didn’t deserve them. He did this, he caused all this, this was his decision. Yet here he is, again, fighting back the tears that have been so desperate to be released.

“I mean” Harry begins, his voice shaking as he speaks, “I mean, I fucked up everything. I had everything I ever needed and I was the one who let it go. I was starting to think that her leaving me would be worse but now-”

He’s choking back sobs, face wet with unwelcomed tears, “now I can’t stop thinking about how much she hates me right now. She has a home without me, she lives her life without me, she is falling asleep at night without me. And the worst part is that she didn’t want it that way. That was all me, everything is because of me!”

Liam rushes to wrap his arms around him, pulling Harry’s head down onto his shoulder so that he has a place to cry. Harry’s holding him like it’s his ever last bit of hope, almost as if grasping for reassurance for his relationship with Y/n.

“Harry.” he whispers.

“Trust me, Liam, I didn’t want this, either” he continues, words scrambling out of his mouth, “but what else was I supposed to do? And now I’m at this stupid fucking lake house where we talked about getting married and she’s not here with me and I can’t do this anymore!”

He’s completely helpless now. His body is weak, shaking against Liam’s tense frame. He’s in so much pain, so much heartbreak that he’s almost screaming, begging God for some mercy because he can’t take this anymore. The constant thought of her, the constant reminder that he’s never going to see her again rips his heart out every second of every day.

“I just really don’t want to know what it’s like to live another day without her” his voice quivers, “I never do.”

Harry’s wet eyes meet Liam’s sympathetic ones. Liam opens his mouth, preparing to say something, but Harry simply shakes his head. He can’t do this anymore. 

He pats Liam’s shoulder- thanking him for being by his side- before turning around to walk away. He slides the glass door open, walking inside the kitchen to replace his now empty bottle of beer with a new one.

“Wait,” Liam mumbles, “wait, Harry, I have to tell you something.”

Harry stops in his place, slowly turning his body around to look at him. He cocks his head to the side, eyebrows furrowed, seeming confused.

“Y/n- she’s- she’s coming here tonight.”  

For all those new ToppKlass out there who just wanna know the basic outlines of Topp Dogg… Enjoy~ (tag urselves I’m P-Goon)

Control freak but means well
Will not let you beat up his friends bc he wants to do it himself

Jenissi (former)-
Never sleeps
Lives on coffee
Old af
Kinda drunk
SoundCloud enthusiast
His dog hates him
Hot af
Won’t take his shirt off
Wants to be a chef but can’t cook noodles
Once made a banana pasta
Called it Brnrnr prstr

Can do the Robot
Prettier than you
Best dressed
Better than you

A legit camel (Nakta means camel in Korean)
Real name is Yooncheol
Loves frogs
Really awkward
Probably has killed a man

Gohn (former)-
Voice of an angel
Bruno Mars
Large hands
Loud af but also awkward af
Low key made out with Yano
Very passionate about everything he does
Joined the military

Kidoh (former)-
Potty mouth
Really cute
Bffs with Jin from BTS
Loves Poland
Questionable life choices

Seogoong (former)-
An actual angel
Has the meats
Really cute bottom teeth
Likes jumping on beds
Picks people up a lot

Bipolar little fuck
His laugh tho
Cuter than you
Art freak
Likes mannequins
His dog
Loves B-Joo and nobody else


An actual baby
Swears a lot
Smells bad

Can’t decide on a fucking hair style
Can’t sing
Spits fire tho
Rap god
Speaks pretty good English
Second youngest
Gets pranked a lot
Conceded little shit

So pretty
But also dumb as fuck
Dance prodigy
Likes minions
Aesthetic but not as aesthetic as Hojoon
Barely knows how to read

An actual sweetheart
His smile can cure cancer
Sings lullabies
Sneaky little fuck
Has cute ears
Ashamed of everyone

Lost Track of Time pt. 2

|| Pt. 1 || Pt. 2 || Pt. 3

Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst/Fluff (just a pinch of fluff)

Summary: You were angry, he had no more patience and when you left, he was broken. He wanted nothing more than to mend the cracks that had split his heart in two.

Word Count: 1680

Warning: curse words…that’s it

Originally posted by kookiesforjimin

Jungkook sat on the floor clutching onto the platinum watch for what seemed like eons. He sat there on the cold, hard floorboards throughout the entire night going through the argument you two had in his head. He mentally beat himself up every single time the image of your tear stained face popped into his mind. 

Night turned into day, and Jungkook still sat there on the ground. He felt like he just lost his entire world. You, his everything, left and it was all his fault. Never in the span of your two-year relationship, did an argument ever escalate to the point of you leaving. You disappearing and the absence of your belongings gave Jungkook a giant wake up call. He never realized just how easily you could fall from his grasp until you had slipped away.

Keep reading

the fact that kai physically hit himself for missing a few of the dance moves in lightsaber makes me so sad. he must be under so much pressure but has to understand that no one will ever dance perfectly and there will always be times when some parts are forgotten. I hope he knows we still love him even if his dancing isn’t the best. I wish he wouldn’t beat himself up about it because he is still the amazing kim jongin.

no but like curly is definitely into soc’s because he likes how well kept they are and how they all seem to have their life together. he dates soc’s because they make him feel like one day he’ll have his shit together too and he can have a nice cushy life one day outside from gangs and the drama of his shitty childhood. he dates them because they smell pretty, they talk sweet, and they would make his mom proud if he brought one home. he dates them because when he does he feels like he’s a step further into bettering himself. he likes the stability that they provide even for a little bit of time

I love Mrs. Katsuki

Okay like MAJOR love to Yuuri’s mom

because during the grand prix final when he makes a VERY MINOR flaw towards the end of his routine, and he completely beats himself up about it: 

and even the cheering squad at home is freaking out about how many potential points he could lose from the error

they’re all worried and trying to calculate score deductions. 

but his mom. 

none of those technicalities matter, her son has made it so far and she couldn’t be any prouder of him. no matter the competition, the mistakes, no matter where he is in life, yuuri’s still her son and she’ll always be unconditionally loving and supportive. above all else, i’m so happy that yuuri has such a wonderful and loving woman as a mom. she’ll always be his biggest fan through thick and thin

BTS Reaction to their s/o flinching during an argument

Remember, as of now requests are open. Please check my Request Guide to know what I write and for who I write! :)

Seokjin- This poor guy, he would be so hurt that he made you flinch, he would want to beat himself up so bad, you trying to make it not a big deal would hurt him even more. He would instantly apologise to you ‘‘Oh my god, Jagi, I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m so sorry,’‘ saying he was really sorry for scaring you, that he didn’t want to scare you, how mad at himself he was.

Originally posted by jinatetae

Yoongi- I feel like Yoongi would also, obviously, be really mad at himself for scaring you. He would even hate himself at that moment, at least, thinking about what kind of a boyfriend he is, scaring his loved one. He would apologise to you ‘‘Y-Y/N…..I’m sorry……I didn’t mean to…..,’‘ he wouldn’t be able to look at your face, even with you trying to make it not a big deal, because he would be so ashamed of himself. So I feel like he would apologise and maybe even leave, since he would need some time.

Originally posted by yooingi

Hoseok- He would completely drop what you were arguing about, forgetting the point of the whole argument. As soon as he saw you flinch and try to play it off as if you didn’t flinch, he would instantly curse at himself. He would get really serious, apologising for scaring you, saying you did nothing wrong ‘‘You did nothing wrong, I have all the right to be guilty for scaring you,’‘ that he should be guilty for making you flinch.

Originally posted by hob-e

Namjoon- Boooyyyyyy, would he be mad af at himself. I feel like he would hate himself at that moment as well. With you trying to play it off as nothing, he would be even more mad at himself, the guilt would be eating him alive. He would definitely, like all of them, apologise for scaring you, he would also probably say that he is really not pleased with himself. ‘‘Ugh, I’m such a freaking idiot, I’m so sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean to scare you.’‘

Originally posted by kimdaddynamjoon

Jimin- The guilt he would feel though. God, you can’t even imagine how mad and disappointed he would be in himself. You trying to laugh it off would probably make him feel even worse, I feel like he would definitely say how extremely disappointed he is in himself, while obviously he would apologise. Expect him to hug you for a long time.

(You’re Yoongi, also imagine that both of you obviously are not smiling)

Originally posted by jeonsexuals

Taehyung- As soon as you flinch, he would shut up. He wouldn’t say anything, since he would be so mad at himself, he wouldn’t be able to comprehend the fact that he scared you, one of the most precious human beings to him. The atmosphere would turn so depressing and quiet, he later, after he would be done beating himself up, would apologise to you.

Originally posted by saintminyoongi

Jungkook- I feel like Kookie would have a reaction similar to Taes and Yoongis. When you flinch he would instantly shut up, forget that there even was an argument. You trying to not make him feel guilty, would, honestly, fail miserably. He would be literally, killing himself in his head, he would be so mad at himself for scaring you. At the same time he wouldn’t really know what to do in a situation like this, so he wouldn’t say anything, only later would he be apologising to you 25/8.

Originally posted by koiyomi

~Admin Soul~

anonymous asked:

is there any concrete indication of how many years it's been IN-UNIVERSE between im 1 and civil war? because if we just go by movie release dates it would be around 8 years so like peter would be 7-10 yrs old when tony stark becomes iron man and i'm 100% sure he'd have tried to get his autograph somehow. maybe he actually did and he's got it carefully preserved and tony doesn't know but someday he's beating himself up and peter tells him because tony's always been his hero he should know that :)

I have no concrete idea of the specific timeline they follow within the MCU, but OH MY G O SH THIS HEADCANON IS PERFECTTTTT

LIKE I CAN SEE IT SO CLEARLY IN MY HEAD. Peter finding Tony, who’s looking so fucking tired because the world never stops throwing some new bullshit at him, and he just… he’s so worried about tony, about his mental health, and he feels so helpless because what the fuck can he do to help this man who seems to carry the whole world on his shoulders?? 

But he tries to comfort Tony anyway. He thanks him for doing the thankless job of trying to keep people safe. He tells him how much he admires him, how much he’s done for him. 

And it’s just??? too much??? Tony can’t cope because here’s peter smol tiny peter who must be protected because fuck if someone else will die under his watch, and this boi is actually so sweet and pure and he seems to actually give a fuck about tony??? 



※ When he first found out about your…weak spot, it was by accident. He was showering you in kisses on your face when you had craned your neck and, oop, did he just kiss your collarbone?

※ Your first reaction was to flinch away from him and he was scared that he did something wrong. His eyes showed much concern and he looked like he was already beating himself up about it.

※ You were stumbling over your words when you tried to explain the situation.

※ When you finally got the words out both you and him were blushing. You more than him.

※ He apologizes immediately and makes a mental note to not touch you there unless given persmission.


※ Woo, boy, does this cowboy love PDA. That’s actually how he found out about your sensitivity.

※ You and him were messing around, making jokes with everyone, when you told him to look at you and, when he did, gave him a gentle kiss on his cheek.

※ He took this as a challenge, and the others took this as their cue to leave.

※ Soon, you were a laughing and blushing mess with all the affections he was giving you. Giving you kisses on your cheeks, nose, forehead, and lips.

※ Unfortunately for you, he started trailing kisses down your neck and onto your collarbone area which ignited a small gasp noise to leave you and for you to quickly move away from him.

※ He was confused at first, wondering if he did something he shouldn’t have, but it quickly faded away when he realized just how badly you were suddenly blushing. Sure, he’s seen you blush many shades but this was…new.

※ You had to silently explain what happened and hope that no one was listening.

※ When you told his about your “problem” a grin spread across his face as he put a hand over his heart, the other in the air, and promised to never kis you there again…unless you wanted him to.


※ It was a bit awkward when Zenyatta found out about your secret. Why? Because he wasn’t the one who found out.

※ Let me explain; you had heard from someone that Genji, despite being made of mostly metal, is good at giving massages. Now, your shoulders and back have been hurting a lot due to all of the missions you’ve been taking and that left you with little time to relax.

※ So you made a mental note to ask for a sick-day and went to Genji. Which, might I add, was fairly embarrassing for you since you weren’t sure how he’d react to such a request.

※ Genji reacted positively though, much to your fortune, and you both agreed on a day when you were both free.

※ When the day came, you and Genji met at your room, he wanted you to feel more comfortable since he knew how shy you were, and he got everything ready.

※ The awkward part? Well, since you never let anyone know about your secret, Genji thought it would be okay to go near your collarbone, but not too far, and around that time is when Zenyatta came in to check up on you.

※ The reason Zenyatta knew where you were? Genji may or may not have told him that you took a sick day to get a massage from him.

※ You were swift to flinch away from Genji and move away from him, a heated blush covering your face, as you looked between the two robotic males.

※ It was awkward. Very awkward. But Genji and Zenyatta didn’t seem phased at all. Instead, they seemed a bit curious.

※ After you explain why you reacted that way Genji was bowing to you and apologizing, feeling somewhat guilty for something he didn’t know. Zenyatta, on the other hand, just laughed, saying how he would make sure to stay away from that part of your skin.

Amortentia (Newt x Slytherin!reader)

Title: Amortentia
Words: 900+
Request/Summary:  can we have one where newt is too busy pining over a slytherin that he doesn’t notice said slytherin’s blatantly obvious attempts at pointing out that she likes him? thank you!
Warnings: minor injury, some blood (Newt accidentally nicks himself with a knife in potions)

You caught Newt staring at you over breakfast one morning, even with the Ravenclaw table between yours and his. You winked at him and he blushed, looking down into his oatmeal. Sweet Merlin, why is he so adorable? you thought.

           Across the Great Hall, Newt was berating himself. Knock it off, he thought, she doesn’t like you. He had to stop staring at you at meal times. He had the worst habit of it, but couldn’t seem to shake it. Get over her—she clearly doesn’t fancy you.

Keep reading

Who's in the mood for some angst?

Guzma will go to great lengths to avoid shedding any tears when he’s upset. He’s definitely conformed to the ideal that men don’t cry, or show fear, or any kind of weakness like that, and while he *almost never* gives in, when he does finally cry, he cries hard!

It’s usually accompanied by beating himself up. Literally. Pulling on his hair, digging at his arms and face, punching himself, as well as walls, smashing things, etc… it’s dangerous for anyone to try and comfort him when he’s like this, because he might lash out at them as well.

The only person who can get near him in this state is Plumeria, and it’s not necessarily because she trusts that he won’t lash out at her. She just isn’t scared of the possibility. He hasn’t struck her yet, but he’s super tense, like he’s doing his best to restrain himself, and he still tells her quite seriously to leave him the fuck alone.

He HATES it when people feel sorry for him. Guzma didn’t ask for your goddamn pity! And yet he doesn’t push her away when she kneels down beside him and pulls him into a hug.

She doesn’t have anything to say. No “it’ll be ok” or anything like that. All she really does is just stay with him in silence, and let him get it out of his system, while at the same time preventing him from doing any more harm to himself.

Eventually he calms down enough to fall asleep. She’ll stay with him still, just in case he wakes up, but after a while (as long as he’s remained asleep) she’ll step out. When he does finally wake up after a long rest, he’ll be a bit disoriented, but otherwise ok. After a shower and some food he’ll be back to his old self again like nothing ever happened.

That’s Guzma for you… acting cool and tough while suppressing all that inner turmoil until it builds up too much and he overflows again.

Due to my sudden obsession with Galra Keith: Here's some Keith Angst and maybe some Klance

After the battle when Keith you know started showing purple skin, a rash started above his heart and has been slowly spreading. Keith of course panics about this and starts spending an abnormal amount of time in the bathroom each morning.

Shiro is obviously the first person to start noticing Keith’s change in habits. Especially during training, when Keith nearly breaks Lance’s arm.

Keith realizes he has significantly more strength than before, and beats himself up over every little injury he caused his team. Lance getting a concussion during their last early morning spar was the breaking point. And Keith ended up shutting himself in his room for an entire day.

Lance was the first teammate to notice the physical changes in Keith’s appearance, pointing out how Keith’s eyes seemed yellow in the light. Also Lance accidentally bumped into Keith one morning and noticed a weird purple rash on his left arm. Lance points out Keith’s sudden interest in Lon sleeve shirts: “Afraid to show off your muscles Mr. Modesty??”

One night Keith wakes up due extreme head pain. Goes to the bathroom and notices his ears were pointed and he now has pointed teeth. Of course he locks himself in there and immediately turns on the shower thinking he’s hallucinating. Lance for some reason wakes up: “Intuition man, be glad it was me and not Space Dad you know how he gets.” and finds Keith shivering in the shower fully clothed with purple skin, yellow eyes pointed ears and general Galra appearance. “Dude, you’re gonna die of hyperthermia if you stay in here any longer… Come on get up you lump of meat.” That night Keith spends curled up on Lance’s bed, crying much to his embarrassment. Lance never brings it up afterwards and was silently comforting him by rubbing his back. Also preventing him from getting hypothermia.

Lance is the only teammate who doesn’t react differently to Keith’s change of appearance. Shiro may or may not have had a panic attack. However immediately afterwards he went and found Keith and they had a huge bonding moment with lots of hugs. Hunk kinda freaked out. And ended up dropping several plates of the green goop. He still sometimes is surprised when Keith suddenly appears out of nowhere behind him. Pidge literally treats him like a science experiment and is fascinated with the changes, Keith however is not the biggest fan of needles so yeah. Lance is Lance, and pokes fun, but he also shows 0 reaction to Keith new appearance.

Lance likes to rub/scratch Keith’s ears cause they’re super soft. Keith pretends to hate it but really it feels nice.

Lance also discovers one night that he has a biting kink. Especially if the one biting is Keith, and if the bite leaves a permanent scar all the better: “it was an accident and oh my god you’re bleeding shit!”

Keith can control his appearance when calm, however when he’s angry he does go into full Galra mode and berserks. Lance is the only person who can calm Keith down from this mode. And Shiro is pretty good at preventing Keith from entering that mode in the first place.

It’s Friday night and he’s watching Netflix
like every other Friday night
and you’re guzzling drinks to forget his name.
It’s Saturday and he won’t get out of bed
because he’s heartbroken over the girl he left you for
and you want to invite him out with you,
but you stop yourself before the phone even rings.

It’s not your place anymore,
but you wish it was.
Because you miss him.
Because you gave him an excuse: The boy was sad.
The boy was so sad and insecure and tired,
so tired, he took the first opportunity he could
to double-cross you, took the first girl out
that he found while beating himself up
over not being good enough for you.
Kissed her, even. Kissed her knuckles bruised,
touched her tender, loved her even,
the same way he tried to love you.
Left you for her. Blocked your number, too.

But the boy was sad.
The boy just wanted to be wanted
and you couldn’t stop yelling
and she made him feel a little more whole than you did-
how could you blame him?
He was so insecure, he needed two
to prove to him that he was of worth;
one wasn’t enough-
your love wasn’t enough.

So the boy was insecure
but he made you second-guess every other
relationship you’ve ever been in,
made you insecure too,
made you insecure for a goddamn good reason.
So the boy screwed you over because
he was afraid he wasn’t good enough for you.
It’s because he isn’t.


Your sadness doesn’t mean shit

After Fortesa Latifi

Parenthood (Daryl Dixon imagine)

imagine: when it is revealed that your son was put in extreme danger, daryl’s paternal instincts kick in. (2,164 words)

an: someone requested a part 2 to fatherhood and i also really wanted to write it so here it is!!!! (PART ONE HERE) hope u enjoy daddy!daryl and angry!daryl all in one ;))) - gabby

Originally posted by reedusgif

I’m sure the last thing Daryl expected when he arrived at Alexandria Safe Zone was to be awkwardly reunited with an ex-girlfriend and his nine-year-old biological son. At first I thought he’d run away again, the same way he did all those years ago, but I was surprised to find that in actuality, he was more than willing and almost excited to take on his fatherly role.

He’d never verbally admitted it to me, but he really wanted to be a good dad. This was evident in the way he beat himself up over every small mistake he made, like when Nathan broke his bike and he raised his voice at him. He’d only ever spoken to Nathan in soft tones since then, terrified of making his son cry again.

Every parent makes mistakes, though, and for the most part, Daryl was an amazing father to Nathan. Occasionally I’d catch him giving Nathan piggyback rides around Alexandria early in the morning, my son’s gleeful squeals ringing out and reaching my open bedroom window from where I watched, still dressed in pyjamas past 9:00 AM for the first time in nine years. Then, if I was lucky, I’d catch sight of them playing with action figures as they ate breakfast, Daryl trying to hide his crimson face as he poured a bowl of cereal for me, mortified that I’d caught him putting on funny little voices for each character.

It had taken multiple nights of accidentally falling asleep together on my couch to realise that Daryl may as well move in with us. And similarly, it had taken multiple nights of accidentally falling asleep together in my bed to realise that Daryl didn’t need to be sleeping on the couch. Nathan accepted Daryl’s new presence in our daily routine as though it had always been the norm, even to the extent where he wouldn’t brush his teeth unless Daryl brushed his alongside him. They’d both stand in front of the mirror, baring their teeth as much as they could, and I’d watch and shake my head in amusement. I’d wipe the toothpaste out of Daryl’s beard as he made his way out to meet Aaron, and couldn’t help but feel elated at how normal our relationship was. We weren’t just putting it on for Nathan, either; it was totally natural. 

Daryl went recruiting with Aaron and I had a daily two hour shift on watch now that Sasha had taught me to shoot. I enjoyed sitting alone, watching over the scenery that lay outside the gates; Jessie watched Nathan for the duration of my shift, allowing me a couple of hours of serenity. It was as though we were ordinary parents, and I loved it.

Nathan had been acting strange since I picked him up from Jessie’s. Usually the two of us would kick a soccer ball around Alexandria or play a board game, but all Nathan wanted to do was take a nap. So, I read a book in silence before getting started on preparing dinner, something Nathan and I did together while we waited for Daryl to get home. The absence of Nathan meant that I couldn’t shake the idea of Daryl never returning; the thought always prodded the back of my mind but today it was more intrusive than ever. I knew Daryl loved recruiting and it was the perfect job for him, but I couldn’t help wishing he could remain safe inside the walls every day. That way he would always be there and his introduction into our lives wouldn’t be a waste. Of course I hadn’t admitted it to him yet, but each time I looked at Daryl I regressed back into that naive nineteen year old girl who had fallen in love with him all those years ago.

“Hey,” a familiar voice called out, accompanying the slamming of the front door. “Y’alright, Y/N? Where’s Nate?”

“I’m okay; he’s upstairs,” I replied, chewing on my lip as Daryl pulled me in for a limp hug. “Something’s up with him, but he won’t tell me.”

“I’ll ask him,” Daryl replied with a small yawn, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. I smiled anxiously and glanced at his slightly parted mouth for a second, somehow still tempted despite the dry blood ground into the cracks in his lips. The beeping of the oven distracted us, and Daryl made his way upstairs to find Nathan.

“You’re quiet tonight, lil’ man,” Daryl asked Nathan as we sat at the dinner table; he had been uninterestedly pushing his food around his plate for the past ten minutes, listening silently as Daryl and I discussed our days. “Got somethin’ you wanna talk ‘bout?”

The unnecessary scraping of silverware on Nathan’s full plate was the only response to Daryl’s question. I watched closely as Nathan reached underneath the sleeve of his shirt to scratch his arm, and even more closely as I noticed a small trickle of blood making its way towards his elbow.

“Nathan, why are you bleeding?” I asked, throwing down my cutlery and grabbing his hand in mine. Pushing his sleeve up, I revealed a small but deep cut on the soft skin of his upper arm, and a lump formed in my throat.

“Where’d ya get this, buddy?” Daryl asked, his tone of voice soft and encouraging, although there was an hint of alarm in the way his voice wavered. “You ain’t gotta keep secrets from us.”

“I went outside and cut it on a wire,” Nathan replied timidly, his gaze avoiding ours and focusing on his nervous hands which lay on his restless legs. Our confused expressions encouraged him to keep talking. “Outside of the gates.”

“You what?” I exclaimed, shuffling closer to the edge of my chair and closer towards a terrified Nathan. “Why would you do that, Nathan?”

“Ron and Mikey made me,” Nathan sobbed; upon switching my attention to Daryl briefly I noticed his face was reddening. “There was a walker and it… it almost got me, and they laughed at me.”

The legs of Daryl’s chair scraped loudly across the floor, the harsh noise enhancing the livid look on Daryl’s face as he stormed out of the door and towards the Andersons’ house.

“Daryl, wait!” I yelled, the whole of Alexandria surely hearing me as I dragged Nathan out of the house. “Daryl, stop!”

“What’s going on?” Aaron asked from his porch, but I ignored his question and chased Daryl down the road, a bewildered Nathan in tow.

Daryl’s furious knocking on Jessie and Pete’s door lured pretty much everyone out of their houses, and they joined me and Nathan in watching from the sidewalk. Denise came up beside me and rested her hand on my shoulder; her presence calming me only slightly. Tara ruffled Nate’s hair in an attempt to cheer him up, but I was too focused on Jessie finally opening her door to thank her.

“Daryl, what’s happening?” Jessie asked, nervously glancing around at the waiting crowd. 

“What’s happenin’?” Daryl exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air. “Your prick of a son has scared the shit outta Nate, that’s what.”

“Excuse me? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jessie replied, her voice barely audible from this distance. 

“Maybe you should ask this little shit here,” Daryl spat, gesturing bitterly towards Ron who had come to see what all the commotion was about. “Wanna tell your mom what you did to Nate today?”

“Daryl, calm down,” Jessie urged, taking a step closer to Daryl, who was quickly shuffling his weight between his feet as if he were stood on hot coals. 

“Nah, I ain’t gonna calm down,” Daryl hissed; I squeezed Nathan closer to me as I realised he was clinging onto my waist. “Nathan ain’t ever seen a walker before, an’ today your kid almost got him bit by one.”

Jessie went to open her mouth to reply, but Daryl took a step closer to her, his face threateningly close to hers. 

“I ain’t ever trustin’ you with my son again, you hear me?” 

Daryl practically flew down the porch steps and towards us, battling through the crowd of people asking him ‘what’s happened?’ and ‘are you alright?’. Once he reached us, he exhaled deeply before grabbing me by the back of my head, hastily kissing my forehead and scooping Nathan up into his arms.

“Come on buddy, let’s get outta here.”

Although I was facing away from Daryl, I was sure of the fact that he lay awake staring at the ceiling, the same way I was vacantly boring my eyes into the wall. Just as I was about to turn to face him, he threw the covers off and got up, sneaking quietly down the hallway towards Nathan’s room to check on him for the umpteenth time. I switched the light on and propped myself up, groggily rubbing at my eyes and waiting for Daryl to return. 

Once he did, he flopped lazily onto my chest, draping one arm across my torso. I ran my fingers comfortingly down his spine and rubbed his back; something I recalled as always calming him down during the numerous teenage fights with Merle. He grumbled incoherent words and I shushed him gently, smiling to myself at the small romantic gestures we’d been using more frequently.

“You’re an awesome dad, Daryl,” I whispered, and he exhaled in amusement, slowly turning to lay on his back and look up at me. “You are.”

“Awesome dads don’t go yellin’ at other people’s kids,” he scoffed, rubbing excessively at his face with the rough palms of his hands. 

“Awesome dads stick up for their kids, and that’s what you did,” I replied, daring to run a hand through his slick, long hair. “Even if you did get a little angry.”

“He coulda died, Y/N,” Daryl whispered, his voice a little choked. “They shoulda kept a closer eye on him.”

“I know; we’re lucky he’s safe now,” I breathed, letting my thumb roam over his cheek and towards his lips. “I’m so glad you’re a part of Nathan’s life.”

“Really? Seemed to do fine without me for nine years,” Daryl murmured, sitting up and yawning. 

“I spent so long hating your guts,” I laughed, letting my head roll back and rest against the headboard. “I always thought you’d be useless and I was better off without you. You’ve proved me wrong.”

Daryl abruptly sat up and clumsily pressed his lips against mine; the kiss was slow and passionate, distinct from the rushed, lustful kisses we’d shared so far. His hands settled on my hips and mine reached for his neck, a squeal of a laugh escaping my lips as he unexpectedly pulled me closer and onto his lap. 

Of course, one obstacle of parenthood is never being able to share a moment without being interrupted by your kid. A knock on our bedroom door disrupted the intimacy; I was virtually thrown from Daryl’s lap as he darted towards his side of the bed.

Nathan poked his head around the door and I gestured for him to come and sit between us. He clambered over Daryl, giggling when Daryl pretended to shove him back off. He lay between us and pulled the covers up over his small body.

“D’ya have a nightmare or somethin’ lil man?” Daryl asked; I admired how similar they looked. Glenn was right, Nathan really was a mini-Daryl. 

“Walkers are scary,” Nathan whispered, flinching as I dimmed the light.

“Tell me ‘bout it,” Daryl replied. “Almost as scary as your mom when she first wakes up in the mornin’.”

I rolled my eyes and couldn’t help but grin at Nathan and Daryl’s laughter. I grabbed a pillow and threw it at Daryl, which soon proved to be a bad move as I now had two immature boys ganging up on me. Once the pillow fight came to an end, Nathan boldly snuggled into Daryl’s chest, something very new for all of us. Daryl’s body went visibly rigid, and he shot me a panicked look, his hands awkwardly floating in the air. I widened my eyes and nodded, prompting Daryl to cuddle him back. 

Daryl hesitantly wrapped his strong arms around Nathan and he almost immediately relaxed, resting his chin on Nate’s head and closing his eyes. I lay on my side and admired the pair of them, the image before me being one that, nine years ago, I never thought I’d see. I was reluctant to turn off the light, never wanting to stop witnessing the moment. 

We were all slowly drifting into sleep when Nathan’s quiet voice broke the nighttime silence. 

“Daryl?” he asked, to which Daryl jumped back into full consciousness with a sleepy grunt. 


“Can I call you dad?” Nathan asked, and Daryl happily exhaled, a smirk visible on his dimly lit face as he protectively wrapped his arms tighter around his son.

“’Course you can, Nate.”