he asked what a cooter is


Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp.

Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, “Nope, ain’t Stanley .”

The mortician thought this was rather strange, So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and said, “Yup, he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, “No, it ain’t Stanley.”

The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”

Gomer said, “Well, Stanley had two ass-holes.”

“What! He had two ass-holes?” asked the mortician.

“Yup, we never seen ‘em, but everybody used to say, there’s Stanley with them two ass-holes.”

anonymous asked:

You have gained a padawan hypa. Train me in the ways of Ignis thoting. I need your guidance

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You must always show your love and appreciation for our lord and savior by showing him his value. It can either be through simple compliments such as, “Your shirt looks good on you but it would look better on the floor,” or “come up with a new recipe in my cooter, daddy”, or simply physically showering him with affection by reaching over and grabbing his jun-

Ignis: Cease and desist, you madwoman.
Me: …what I do?
Ignis: You are prattling nonsense and suggesting to an impressionable person extremely inappropriate ways of interacting with me.
Me: Should I have told them to lick your collarbone first? I guess that’s better than going right for the D, my bad
Ignis: *takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, nostrils flaring* Why not instruct them to bring gifts of Ebony, or a detailed cookbook, or-
Me: Too SFW, I’m trash, so the D it is.
Ignis: … why do I bother trying to talk sense into you?
Me: I dunno, tbh


First hunt
I’m pretty sure it’s standard procedure for a falconer & her bird to go through this, right? Cooter’s first kill……..SKUNK!
I told him he did a great job hunting and I couldn’t ask for more. Except maybe a bunny or a cotton rat😁
But he did what Hawks do: hunted. Came to the fist from the tree a few times and even rode on the T-pole a little ways…not bad for his first day in the field!👍