I’ve seen some posts talking about the words Alec used in this moment, specifically about the word “fights”. Posts talking about how Alec called their separation from Magnus a “fight”, not a “break up”, but a “fight”. How Alec maybe couldn’t even stand thinking about the possibility of a “break up”… Or how, maybe, Alec just never considered it a break up, because, again, he couldn’t stand the sole idea of being apart from Magnus.
I think the word “fights” is the most important of this dialog, too. But for another reason.
Because Alec said “fights”. Not “fight”, but “fights”. He used the plural form.
Do you get it? In this scene, Alec apologized for not telling Magnus about the Soul Sword… But, at this point of the dialog, he wasn’t talking only about that; Alec was talking about every fight he has had with Magnus along their relationship. Fight, disagreement, whatever you want to call it. And I think about Alec letting “Valentine” to die while having doubts, Alec asking Magnus for a DNA sample, and of course, Alec lying about the Soul Sword…
And I think it’s important that Alec used the plural form (”fights”), because with that, Alec is telling us that, every time that him and Magnus had a fight, Alec cared. “I can’t think straight”, he said. Alec, the perfect soldier, the one who always follow his orders, is admitting that, everytime he fights with Magnus, he just can’t think clearly. Which means Alec had to think a lot about what happened everytime to clear his ideas, to decide what to do.
Which also mean that, everytime that Alec apologized to Magnus after making a mistake, it’s wasn’t an empty apology: it had a lot of thinking behind.
And yeah, I know, that didn’t stop Alec from making new mistakes based in the same ideas, despite the thinking.
But I’m just… So glad that Alec has explicity told us that he cares, that he has cared everytime. Even more, that Alec has told Magnus about it.
It gives me hope, for the future of their relationship. And I really like that.