“This isn’t a crush, it’s obsession.You are never not in my thoughts. Your scent carries across a room and paralyzes me with longing. I don’t want to hold your hand. Part of me wants to set you on fire and hold you while the flame consumes us both, to eat your heart so I know that only I possess it entirely.”
Dean studied you from across the table in the library. You were only a few feet away from him, yet you seemed to be a million miles away.
He reached his foot over and gently nudged your leg. You looked at him, your eyes seeming haunted. One corner of your mouth lifted but the smile was fake and was nowhere close to reaching your eyes.
You didn’t hold Dean’s gaze very long, dropping your eyes back down to the book in front of you. Dean could tell your eyes were simply running over the print.
Dean could tell that something was bothering you, worrying you. But as to what it was… he couldn’t tell.
And that thought worried him.
Usually, he could read you just like the book in front of him—you were so expressive, so open. You could give Dean thousands of different messages with the tiniest of glances, the minutest of facial expressions.
But now… watching you was like watching the static channel in every crappy motel he and Sam had ever stayed at. Sometimes, when looked at just right, the faintest outline of a person might be seen through the flickers of black and white. But in the blink of an eye, it was gone.
After a few moments, you stood and wandered off. Dean waited, seeing if you had gone to the bathroom or the kitchen. When you didn’t reappear after ten minutes, Dean stood and headed down to your room.
He knocked on the door. After a few minutes of no response, he tried the handle. It turned and he pushed the door open.
You were sitting on your bed in the dark. By the light of the hallway streaming in behind Dean, he could see you had a pillow in your grasp. Your eyes found him, pinpricks of light. He could see, even from here, that they were glistening with tears.
Dean shut the door and made his way to your bed, knowing the path like the back of his hand. He clicked on your bedside lamp. Then he sank down onto your mattress and wrapped himself around you. He felt you shaking in his arms, vibrating with the effort of holding back tears.
“Shhhh,” Dean whispered, pressing his lips to your hair. “Shhhh, Y/N. It’s okay. I’m right here.”
You let out a small wail and shook your head.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Dean began to rock you back and forth. “Hm? What’s on your mind?”
Your words were so soft, he barely caught them. “What can’t you do, sweetheart?”
“What do you mean?”
You shook your head. “I have nightmares… you’re dead… I can’t save you.” You sniffed. “I can’t save anyone.”
Dean knew that feeling. “Sweetheart, you have saved so many people. You’re one of the best hunters I’ve ever met.”
You shook your head.
“You don’t think so?” Dean asked.
You shook your head again.
“Well, you’ve certainly saved me. Numerous times. Physically, you’ve saved my ass from witches and werewolves and vamps. And mentally, well…” Dean paused. He felt you holding your breath, listening intently. “You know you’ve made me a better man, right? A good man. I was in a dark place before you came here, Y/N. And now…” He wrapped his arms tighter around you. “Now I’ve got the brightest light in my life.”
You said nothing but at least you’d stopped sniffing and shaking.
“I know this is hard, Y/N. And it hurts me that I can’t take this away from you, that I have to watch you suffer. But you know that I’m here for you, right, baby?”
You were still for a moment before you nodded.
Dean was quiet for a few moments. “Baby, how long have you felt like this?”
You shrugged. “A few weeks.”
Those three words broke Dean’s heart. He gripped you tighter and buried his face in your hair. “Baby,” he whispered, trying to hold back his own tears.
“No, sweetheart, you don’t have to be sorry. But next time you feel like this, you come tell me, okay? Don’t wait, don’t hold back. I can’t help you when I don’t know what’s going on with you.”
“I didn’t want to burden you.”
“Sweetheart, you’re not a burden. You’re never a burden.”
“You have enough to worry about.”
“I can handle it. You matter more than anything else. You’re priority number one.”
You reached up and placed your hand on Dean’s arm, giving him a gentle squeeze. The two of you stayed there, locked together, for the next few hours, squeezing away each other’s sadness.
Request: OMG your imagines are on point!!!! You should do a hayes imagine where y'all get cough making out by all the guys and then get lectured that y'all are to young!!! AND OMG I LOVE YOURE BLOG!!!!!!!!!
thank you so much for the compliment.
Hayes Imagine (Guilty Pleasures)
You, Hayes, Cameron, Nash, Matt, and Aaron were all in Nash and Cameron’s apartment. You guys were just spending the day there. Well you weren’t ‘officially’ invited but Hayes had asked you to come over and you couldn’t say no to your boyfriend. You had come over in basketball shorts and a tank top with the assumption that you wouldn’t be going anywhere special. Even if you guys were going out you didn’t really care what you happened to be wearing, unless you were going to meet the queen, in that case you would need a wardrobe change.
You all were cramped onto Cameron and Nash’s couch finishing up one of the large Q and A videos. You loved being in their videos, it was always fun to watch how they interacted with each other on camera.
“Alright last question,” Cameron announced as he read from his phone and everyone turned their heads towards him. “What is one guilty pleasure that you enjoy too much to give up?” He asked looking around at everyone and his eyes stopped on mine. It didn’t phase me.
When I first met Cameron I was quite intimidated by him, mainly because of the age gap but he is actually really easy to get along.
“Food!” Matt shouted breaking the intense eye contact between myself and Cameron. I laughed at his answer, it suited him. “Food is way too good to give up, you need it to survive,” He points out.
“But you need water more,” I state.
“Stop being so smart,” He teased which only resulted in me sticking out my tongue at him. Childish I know but come on I am 14, I still have a right to be.
“Music,” Cameron says after a few seconds and I look at him. How is music a guilty pleasure? I didn’t say anything though. Aaron went next.
“Netflix,” He says and I laughed, I loved Netflix too.
“I am with Matt on this, food it is,” Hayes agrees.
“My phone,” Nash says.
“That’s not a guilty pleasure, that’s an addiction, there is a difference,” I point out with a smirk which caused a few chuckles from the guys.
“Be quiet Y/N, what’s your guilty pleasure then?”
“I don’t have any,” You replied smoothly.
“Don’t lie, everyone has guilty pleasures,” He counters.
“No. Why should I feel guilty about something that I enjoy, if you don’t like it that’s not my problem and we don’t have to talk about it. Not everyone has to agree on everything. I don’t feel guilty about any of the 'pleasures’ I have,” You tell him while the rest listened intently.
“And on that note of Y/N once again demonstrating her smartness,” Cameron says breaking off the tension in the room.
“You mean intelligence?” You ask with a pointed look and he chuckles.
“Yeah that. On that intelligent note we will end this video, see you guys next week, don't forget to like this video if you liked it and subscribe for weekly videos!” He says with a smile and then he gets up and stops the camera. “I’m going to edit this later, did you guys want to drive down to the beach?” He asked. You shook your head.
“Yeah I think I will stay here,” Hayes said with a yawn. You rolled your eyes and laughed quietly to yourself.
“Alright, don’t do anything while we’re gone,” Aaron says in a teasing manner and you could feel the heat rising up on your cheeks. You spread out on the couch now that there was more room and Hayes did the same.
“We will be back around 4:00pm!” Nash shouted and then you both herd the door to the apartment close. You looked at Hayes and you could already feel your cheeks heating up.
While you could keep your cool around the other guys, you completely lost it when you were with Hayes. He gave you butterflies, in a good way of course. He came over and sat closer to you, snaking his arm around your waist in the process and you snuggled up into him and he kissed the top of your head. You looked up at him and smiled before giving him a kiss. It wasn’t meant to last longer than a second but something kept you there and before you could process what was happening, you were both in a full on make out session. Hayes’ hands were tangled in your hair as he kissed you roughly but his lips were soft so it felt more passionate.
“What the hell!” You heard a voice shout and you two instantly jumped a part. Well Hayes jumped away you fell off the couch, quite gracefully with a small scream but you instantly got up and saw that it was Nash who had yelled.
“God Nash,” You said as you sat back down on the couch still slightly embarrassed at what he had walked in on.
“Don’t 'God Nash’ me,” He says harshly. Queue everyone else and I rolled my hands letting my forehead fall straight into the palm of my hand.
“What’s going on?” Matt asks Nash.
“I walked in to get my wallet and I find these two practically having sex on the couch. You two are way too young for this kind of stuff,” Nash says.
“Okay first of all we were not having sex, it’s called kissing I’m sure you have heard of it somewhere. If not go look it up in a dictionary. Second of all I can honestly tell you that you were doing the exact same things when you were 14 years old. Hayes and I are not going to sleep together,” You argue, your blood boiling a bit at how he was over exaggerating everything.
“Yeah Nash, Y/N has a point,” Hayes says. “We are 14 the most we are going to do is make out,” He said with a small blush creeping up on his neck.
“You’re kind of dramatizing this,” You say as you gesture to the area.
“Whatever,” Nash says with a sigh and he grabs his wallet off the kitchen and he before you heard the door close he shouted.
“Look’s like I found your guilty pleasure. My brother,” He said and you could tell it was with a smirk. You instantly blushed and you could feel Hayes’ eyes on you but you refused to meet it. You were going to kill Nash.
“Don’t worry your mine too,” Hayes whispered as he came over and hugged you tightly.
I hope it was to your expectations and I am sorry for the wait.
Magcon + sammy &nate preference: his favorite thing about you
Nash: your laugh. He thought it was the cutest thing because it was rare. Yeah you would giggle but your actual laugh itself was rare. You were once told your laugh was ’ obnoxiously annoying ’ when you were younger and ever since thing you tried to hide it but it was hard around Nash, everything he did made you laugh.
Cameron: your nose. He always said it was small and adorable and that was the first place he’d kiss as well is pinch.
Matt: your twitches. It wasn’t major twitches it was just a small lip twitch, an eyebrow twitch, and even a small nose twitch. Sometimes your arm would twitch outward if you were in deep concentration. He loved it.
Sammy: your stomach. It wasn’t bony nor was it complete flub. He loved it. He could pinch it and play around with it. The guys thought it was weird because he would always have his hand on it, whether he was rubbing it or it was just laying there.
Nate: how dramatic you are. He could sit around and listen to your stories all day and never get bored. You always put exaggerated details into your stories, and sometimes you’d even act it out for him. Your nick name from his was drama queen.
Hayes: your eyes. They had a unique color. You would always find hayes just staring at you. Or when you would talk to him he would never take his eyes off of yours, which sometimes got awkward but you could care the less.
Carter: how you you defended yourself. You had known from the very beginning being with him, some weren’t going to ship that boat, so whenever you got hate, you would always have a smart ass comment to come back or you would just kill them with kindness. Yeah it got to you sometimes, but you never showed the haters weakness. Haters are just fans who are scared to admit it. 😉
Jack J: he loved how shy you were. Your face always got cherry red when you got embarrassed and you’d even get shy around jack. He would always pinch your cheeks when they got red as well.
Jack G: how confident you are. You were one of those girls who knew they weren’t a model but wasn’t afraid to show of their lovely curves. When you had first met jack, you had told him you didn’t care if he didn’t like your size, that you would marry yourself if you were allowed. You were also confident enough to stand your ground against anything and everything.
Aaron: he loved how big hearted you were. You would always put others before you, no matter what the cause of it was.
Taylor: your sense of humor. You never took anything real serious. All the boys could play around with you and you’d never get offended. One time you had sat on his lap and he jokingly said for you to get off that you were too heavy. Of course he regretted it the second it came out of your mouth but you didn’t think anything of it, you just laid across him, telling him you were gonna smoosh him.
ur taste is a+++++ so could you recommend me some historical novels ?
For somebody that’s read the amount of historical fiction that I have, I really don’t have that many recs for you because honestly, there’s so much absolutely horrendous historical fiction out there. But let me see what I can do. I’m assuming you mean historical fiction but I’m also including some plain old history books in here.
An Inconvenient Wife by Megan Chance: Victorian American society and all about female madness and what it truly means to be crazy
Bitter Greens by Kate Forsyth: a historical retelling of Rapunzel taking place in Renaissance Italy
Helen of Troy by Margaret George
Land of Love and Drowning by Tiphanie Yanique
A Touch of Stardust by Kate Alcott: a story of Hollywood’s golden age with Clark Gable and Carole Lombard
Mistress of Rome by Kate Quinn (and Empress of the Seven Hills, the sequel)
All the Little House books obviously
The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare: Salem Witch trails and such a great protagonist
Fever 1793 by Laurie Halse Anderson
ALL of the Royal Diaries books by various authors, they totally made my life when I was first reading them and I honestly learned so much because of the research I did on their subjects because of being exposed to them
The Luxe Series by Anna Godbersen: total trashy Gossip Girl in Victorian New York but so great if you know what to get out of it, aka Penelope Hayes is queen of everything, and you deal with Diana Holland’s second wave feminist mess of a characterization and realize that Henry is Nate except if possible, even more useless
The Tea Rose and The Winter Rose by Jennifer Donnelly
The Twelve Tribes of Hattie by Ayana Mathis
A Great and Terrible Beauty (and sequels) by Libba Bray
Across Five Aprils by Irene Hunt
Pirates! by Celia Rees
Wolf by the Ears and The Last Silk Dress by Ann Rinaldi
Inamorata by Megan Chance: more fantasy than historical fiction but it’s so great I have to recommend it.
The Sealed Letter by Emma Donoghue: lesbian fiction taking place in Victorian London, enough said
Wench by Dolen Perkins-Valdez: slave mistresses take center stage and honestly one of the most important books I’ve read in a long time
Mistresses: A History of the Other Woman by Elizabeth Abbott: take with a grain of salt because honestly it’s so mean to people like Diana, Princess of Wales to the point it disparages her eating disorder and mental illness but still definitely a worthy read for its historical account of mistresses
Girl With a Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier
Roots by Alex Haley: classic classic classic everybody should read it ASAP
What not to read: Phillipa Gregory’s account of the Tudors; her Plantagenet stories are slightly better but not if you’re a Elizabeth of York and Henry VII shipper and by all historical accounts, we ought to be. Nobody’s Princess series because seriously, fuck the idea that Helen of Troy had to be some sort of bow and arrow wielding tomboy in order to be a worthy woman. FEMININITY ISN’T TO BE SCORNED. There’s probably so much else but those are the first few that came up in my mind because I hate them so much.