hawkward!

Hawkward - Avengers x Reader

Words: 1039
Pairing: Avengers x Reader (mainly clint and sam)
Featuring: Sam Wilson, Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers
Warnings: Swearing, there are s o m a n y p u n s
Requested by anon
Reader has the gift of flight (with or without wings, you choose) and hanging out with the Bird Bros! Constant bird puns optional.
Authors Note: you wanted puns, you got puns.

Avengers Masterlist. Masterlist.


“You think Clint would like these?” You asked Sam as you walked down the random store aisle with him. You went with Clint and Sam to get groceries for the facility, but Clint was the only one who seemed to actually be on task. You and Sam found yourself in the opposite side of the store, making jokes with whatever you found.

Sam nodded, completely serious. “Get them. Are there two more? We all need a matching pair,” Sam said and started to sift through the slippers on the shelf. Yes, the three of you needed matching bird slippers. You have rebranded the “Bird Bros” as the “Bird Buddies” as you were now a member of their all inclusive group since your owl-like-self fit the requirements.

“Why does he put up with us?” You asked Sam as you held the three pairs of slippers.

“I don’t know; I think he secretly finds it entertaining,” Sam offered. “We should probably find him-”

“Put the damn shoes down; we have work to do!” Clint’s voice walked up behind you.

You shot around and gave him a weird look. “I’m joking; these slippers are the best things I have ever seen. Is three enough? Should we get one for every person in the base, or just keep it exclusive?”

Keep reading

Why Revali hates Link; A Headcanon

link: hey revali! are you having a pheasant morning? i sure am!
revali: what?
link: anyway, swanna go on a one-on-one competition in archery later?
revali: dear goddess link-
link: am i ruffling your feathers with my request? i really do apologise!
revali: ha ha.
revali: your jokes are funny and all, but wren will you stop???
link: huh. well this is hawkward, but toucan play it that game. i would go on, but owl admit, i can see that you aren’t enjoying my fowl jokes about your race.

that’s why revali hates link.

  • Clint: Hey (Name) can I borrow your phone? I left mine at the-
  • (Name): That depends, are you planning on making a long-distance CAW?!
  • Clint: Damn it (Name)!!
  • -
  • *(Name) sees Clint half naked*
  • Clint: Oh shit! *puts a towel on*
  • (Name): Well this is HAWKWARD
  • Clint: Really?
  • -
  • (Name): Hey Clint!
  • Clint: Back off (Name)!
  • (Name): You're looking pretty good Clint,
  • Clint: Stop it right there (Name), I swear to god
  • (Name): Do you-
  • Clint: No!
  • (Name): EGGCERSIZE!
  • Clint: I hate you.

ghostori  asked:

I hope im not ruffling your feathers by being in your inbox... this is pretty hawkward... but i noticed that you're a featherly pleasant person (but toucan play at that game, im featherly pleasant too)! It must be pretty lonely being tumblr famous, because you're owl alone against a flock of fans. Good luck! Have aviary good day!

HAWK YOU.

Daddy - Bucky x Reader

Requested - REQUESTS OPEN

Hey. I loved your HATE story! Could you do bucky/reader where he has a daddy kink, and one day her parents come over to the tower to have dinner with them and the avengers, and she says “daddy pass me the salt” or smth, both bucky and her father reaches for it and its awkward as hell or smth. They try to manage it off and once her parents leave, the avengers tease both of them like hell! include pietro, sam, tchalla and basically everyone pls! THANK YOUU! **anonymous**

Note: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) -Aly( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Warning: hawkward™ af situations, language, mentions of sexual stuff

Originally posted by thespoilerwitchblog

“Bucky do you have that shirt on yet?” You holler, peeking out of the bathroom with a strand of hair clamped in a curling iron.

Bucky shuffles out of the walk-in closet holding a black tshirt and navy sweater. “Which one was it?”

You sigh, ducking back into the bathroom saying, “The navy blue with the thick bumps on the shoulder.” Bucky makes a sound of understanding and you focus your attention on placing your curled hair in it’s place and using generous amounts of hairspray. You’re working on applying the perfect lipstick to match Bucky’s sweater when said man comes in. He’s got his sweater on with a pair of dark wash jeans and some black boots. “Give me a second and I’ll do your hair,” you mumble, swiping one last coat of the liquid lipstick on. You stand back, double checking that your wings are even and that your eyeshadow is perfectly blended and that your lipstick has clean edges, before grabbing a comb.

“Why are we all so dressed up? I mean, your parents have seen you naked,” Bucky say against your chest as you comb his hair back into a nest bun.

“Babe, I was five when they gave me my first cocktail dress and diamond earrings. My parents have always been the rich snooty type.” When you’re satisfied that Bucky looks good, you tell him to stand. “Good, okay, let’s go make sure everyone else is presentable.” You pull on your formal black cocktail dress, some stockings, and black pumps before checking the time. “Shit,” you hiss, pulling Bucky out of the room and to the dining area. The whole team stands there, looking as formal and snotty as can be, and you smile.

“I hope the food is to your liking,” T'Challa says, “Clint and I may not be the best chefs but-”

“-Tony is a dipshit and let the cooks off early,” Clint interrupts and you sigh in dread before putting on a smile.

“I don’t doubt that it tastes wonderful, thank you. Okay everyone, no cussing, no sighing, no laughing loudly, no talking about weapons or fighting, and never ever bring up Netflix or sweatpants or anything that has to do with wearing less than Ralph Lauren, okay?” Everyone nods and you send Bucky to stand by Steve before turning to the elevator and pressing the button to go down.

“Miss, your parents are waiting for you at the bottom,” FRIDAY informs and you squeeze the bridge of you nose and sigh one last time.

“Thank you,” you say as you wait for the elevator doors to open. They reveal the faces of your parents, standing tall and proud. You smile, stepping forward and air kissing your mother’s cheeks and hugging your father. “Hi ma, hi dad,” you say. Despite how uptight your parents are, they’re your parents and you love them.

“Hello dear,” your father greets, his teeth shining through his perfectly manicured mustache.

“Dinner is waiting, if you’ll step in.” When the three of you get to the rest of the team, greetings are exchanged and everything is going swell. Once every body is settled at the dining table and the dishes are spread open for a help yourself serve style, things get hawkward.

Bucky and your father sit right next to each other, and you hope that they get along, but instead your parents chat with Tony and you about money and stocks, you’re kind of just spectating and throwing in a few comments while staring at Bucky and Sam and Steve whom seem to be having a good time.

You pick at the chicken, deciding it needs some salt. It’s sitting right between Bucky and your father, so you say, “Can you pass me the salt, daddy?” Bucky turns from laughing at Sam (with a lust filled smolder at the use of his kink) at the same time your father turns away from Tony and it’s then that you know you fucked up. Both your father and Bucky reach for the salt, both pausing when they see the other man’s hand. The room goes dead silent as everyone stares. “Shit.”

“Oh, uh, excuse me, sir…I-I thought she said… um, Bucky,” Bucky pulls his hand back and coughs awkwardly. “Sorry, I’ll uh…” You clear your throat, rubbing your arm.

“Uh, it’s getting late,” you say upon seeing the scandalous look on your mother’s face. It’s the look of utter disappointment. Your father just stares at you, eyes wide. You stand, “Well, it was good having you two over, visit again soon,” you rush them into the elevator. As soon as the door is closed you turn around to face the amused Avengers and blushing Bucky.

“Sooo… Daddy kink, huh?” Pietro says, earning chuckles as you sit in your seat.

“Good luck getting out of this one, big boy,” you say, glancing at Bucky before opting to stare at your plate in embarrassment.

“Uh, no no no… I thought she said Bucky and…- Yeah, whatever. I like when (your name) calls me daddy,” Bucky sighs, rubbing a hand down his face and you snort to yourself.

“Well good luck getting me to do so tonight,” you mutter, sending him a glare through your lashes.

“Oh, Daddy!” Tony says, standing up to lean close to Bucky, “Spank me harder! Oh yes, yes!” His voice is falsetto, trying to imitate you.

“Oh, daddy is going to, baby,” Sam joins in, standing up to grab Tony’s shoulders. His voice is deeper than usual, imitating Bucky. You roll you eyes, leaning back in your seat and rubbing your neck.

“Jesus Christ, guys,” you say as the other join in. T'Challa begins cracking some knock knock jokes with the daddy kink theme, Pietro zooms around Bucky repeating daddy over and over again, Sam and Tony continue their gay reenactment of how they imagine you and Bucky to have sex, Nat and Wanda smirk at you mouthing things, Clint is bent over the table and slapping his own ass, Vision is watching in wonder at how so many people can be idiots at once, and even Steve is hovering over your shoulder asking about the daddy kink. He’s morbidly curious.

“Oh, for fucksake!” Bucky stands up. “I happen to know that Nat is a dominatrix, Steve is a sub, Wanda uses her powers, T'Challa does some kinky positions, Pietro uses his speed, Clint likes it semipublic, Tony passes out before he climaxes, and Sam has a bird theme.” Everyone freezes as Bucky blurts out the list of things they like.

“How do you know?” Nat asks suspiciously.

“I’m an assassin and spy… also you guys have loud conversations with each other about it. Or are just sloppy and loud in general.”

“I gOTTA JET!” Tony dashes from the room, the others scattering before leaving. You grin once you and Bucky are alone.

“Let’s go, daddy,” you say, grabbing Bucky’s hand to lead him to your room.

“NASTY!”

Suspense

Requested by anon.

Pairings: Bucky x F!Reader

A/N: Y/N is either very oblivious or is pretending because she wants to be 100% sure.


Y/N has created a chatroom.

Y/N has invited Tony, Clint, Nat, Sam.

Y/N: Listen up. We have a mission. That mission is to get a date for Bucky.

Nat: Sam volunteers.

Sam: I don’t!

Clint: hahaha

Tony: Ugh

Y/N: This is serious! He looks like a lost puppy most of the time.

Y/N: He needs a date!

Tony: 1. Bucky looks fine. 2. Why don’t you date him?

Y/N: Me?! Don’t be ridiculous.

Y/N: He doesn’t like me.

Y/N: CANDIDATES?!

Nat: He’s only like a lost puppy when you’re not around. And when you are, he just follows you everywhere, like a puppy.

Clint: I think Steve might even be jealous of all the time you spend with Buck The Pup.

Tony: No, just no. Call him Bucky.

Sam: What I’ve learned here today is that, James Buchanan Barnes, former soldier of the 107th Infantry Regiment and the Howling Commandos, the deadly Winter Soldier, our very own RoboCop, a highly trained Hydra assassin, the man who tried to kill me, Steve, Natasha and many others… is a puppy.

Y/N: Yes.

Clint: Pretty much.

Sam: I’ve never laughed this much before. Thank you.

Tony: Y/N, do you still want us to find a date for him?

Y/N: Yes…

Clint: I know someone. She’s Bucky’s type.

Y/N: Who?

Clint: She’s A LOT like you. Similar personality and she could pass as your sister. Well, ALMOST his type. BUT A VERY CLOSE MATCH.

Y/N: She seems nice! So can you ask her?

Nat: Flew over her head like Sam. Gone. Just like that. She didn’t even notice.

Tony: And we call Thor the oblivious one.

Y/N: What?

Nat: Nothing

Tony: Nothing

Y/N has added Steve.

Y/N: Any ideas?

Steve: Y/N NO, CAN’T YOU SEE THAT YOU’RE THE ONE

Steve: uh

Y/N: …?

Steve: I mean you’re the one to find him a date but, Bucky likes someone already.

Tony: Nice save there, Cap.

Tony: Not.

Clint: It’s fine, she won’t even notice.

Y/N: What are you guys talking about?!

Clint: See.

Nat: Why doesn’t Tony just throw a party and we take it from there?

Tony: Y/N, you can’t come though.

Sam: Yeah, if you come then Bucky won’t even try to flirt with anyone. He’d just be by your side the whole time.

Y/N: Fine I won’t come!

Pietro has joined the chat.

Pietro: HELLO!

Clint: Nobody invited you!

Pietro: You don’t say?

Pietro: Ooooh we are finding Bucky a date? Earlier Wanda and I met this girl who has a big crush on him!

Pietro: She was flirting and even asked him out!

Pietro: But he turned her down. Which is surprising because she was very cute!

Y/N: Interesting…

Nat: Do you think she has finally realized?

Y/N: This just means that we have to work harder to find him a date!

Clint: Nope.

Nat: Thought as much.

Pietro: But then he became very grumpy when he heard Y/N cancelled their usual training.

Pietro: So Wanda and I asked him about it and his whole mood changed! He lit up when we mentioned Y/N. He wouldn’t stop talking about her! I’ve never run away so fast.

Y/N: …Really?

Pietro has added Wanda.

Pietro: Let’s show them our snaps.

Sam: Wait, I have you two on snapchat and I saved your snaps to tease Bucky with later. I’ll show them.

Sam:


Sam:

Sam:

Sam:

Sam:

Wanda:

Pietro: Sam was not supposed to send the last two snaps.

Wanda: We should go.

Pietro: But before we do, add us on snapchat.

Wanda: But we’re removing you, Sam.

Pietro has left the chat.

Wanda has left the chat.

Steve: … I don’t always give lectures… Right?

Nat: You kinda do.

Sam: I loved their snaps… THIS IS BUCKY’S FAULT!

Tony: Anyone else dying from Bucky’s expressions?

Clint: That was me when Pietro came back from the dead.

Y/N: MY SWEET, SWEET BUCKY

Y/N: I AM LAUGHING BUT AT THE SAME TIME FLATTERED

Y/N: But it still doesn’t change the fact that we are still going to find him a date.

Tony: I’M GOING TO TELL HER.

Steve: NO WE PROMISED BUCKY THAT WE WOULDN’T!

Tony: THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR TOO LONG, STEVE!

Steve: DON’T YOU SAY IT!

Tony: I HAVE RESISTED MAKING JOKES OUT OF COURTESY TO YOU AND BUCKY BUT I CAN ONLY HOLD BACK FOR A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF TIME.

Steve: I’M WARNING YOU!

Tony: Y/N BUCKY LIKES Y

Tony has been disconnected.

Steve has left the chat.

Y/N: BUCKY LIKES…?!

Bruce has joined the chat.

Bruce: Why did Steve just tackle Tony to the ground?

Sam: Beautiful. They in the lab? I’m on my way.

Sam has left the chat.

Bruce: I would intervene but I don’t want to hulk out so if someone could come separate them, I would appreciate it.

Nat: Isn’t Sam on his way?

Bruce: It’s Sam. He’s just going to video it.

Bruce: Does Tony look like he could fight Steve without his suit? Steve is holding him tightly on the floor while he struggles to grab his phone. It’s so close but yet so far.

Nat: … I want to video it too, plus take selfies in front of them, then help. It’s not like Tony is in real danger and I doubt Steve would hurt him. So do we have a deal?

Bruce: Deal.

Nat has left the chat.

Bruce has left the chat.

Y/N: I’m not sure if I should be worried…?

Clint: It’s Steve, it probably looks like he’s just hugging Tony. On the floor. Like a koala. Don’t worry.

Y/N: So who does Bucky like?

Clint: None of us were supposed to tell, but I guess I will.

Y/N:

THANK YOU, YOU ARE MY FAVORITE ARCHER ON THE TEAM!

Clint: I’m the only archer… But, moving on.

Clint:

No one can know I told you, okay?!

Y/N: Okay!

Clint: Let’s see… One day Nat and I were training the twins and then Bucky barged in, followed by Cap.

Clint: It was so weird… Seeing Bucky not with you. Like I entered some strange dimension.

Y/N: Try to stay on topic Clint.

Clint: And you know, I was having such a good day that day, but Cap just HAD TO RUIN IT.

Y/N: Clint.

Clint: What was I saying? Oh yes. So they looked like they were arguing and they had not noticed us yet. So I did what I do best.

Clint: I eavesdropped.

Y/N: You can just say WHO the person is and NOT HOW YOU FOUND OUT. Please.

Clint: Cap was all like, “BLAH BLAH TELL HER OOOH I’M CAPTAIN AMERICA, I AM ALWAYS RIGHT, BLAH BLAH.”

Clint: And Bucky was like, “BUT MY FEELINGS UGH WOE IS ME, WHAT IF SHE DOESN’T LIKE ME?!”

Y/N: … Yeah you’re exaggerating.

Clint: And then Steve was like, “WHO WOULD RESIST YOU, MY LOVE?”

Y/N: Really now, Clint?

Clint: Okay so maybe they didn’t say exactly that, but you get my point! Let me have some fun!

Y/N: Are we nearing the end of the story?

Clint: Nope. Then the rest of the team arrived and Bucky blurted out who he likes, clutched his chest and fell to the floor.

Y/N: … Go on.

Clint: Tony started laughing and Steve got really mad so Steve made us all promise to not tell the person who Bucky likes about this. “LISTEN HERE, I, THE BEAUTIFULLY CHISELED CAPTAIN OF THIS TEAM, FORBIDS ANY OF YOU TO SPEAK OF THIS, EVER AGAIN. OH MY GOD THOR PUT TONY DOWN!”

Y/N: Wait, Thor and Tony?!

Clint: Yeah, Tony wasn’t paying attention and decided to annoy Thor.

Y/N: I believe that part. BUT YOU STILL DID NOT TELL ME WHO HE LIKES! So… only 1% of your story was true. Can you just tell me who it is now?

Clint: BUT THE SUSPENSE!

Y/N: CLINT.

Bucky has joined the chat.

Clint: Okay, okay! So the person who Bucky likes

Bucky: Hello, Clint.

Clint: Is uh…

Bucky: Nice day, isn’t it, Clint?

Y/N: Who is it?!

Clint: Hi… Yes… It is um

Bucky: You know, I haven’t used any of the guns in a long time.

Y/N: WHO?!

Clint: this person.. is..

Bucky: I should practice my shooting.

Clint: NAT WOULD KICK YOUR ASS IF YOU DID ANYTHING TO ME SO I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY, BARNES. IT’S YOU, Y/N. YOU!

Clint: HAWKWARD!

Clint has left the chat.

Bucky: WILL YOU GO OUT ON A DATE WITH ME, Y/N? I WAS PLANNING TO ASK YOU AND I HAD THIS WHOLE AMAZING DAY PLANNED JUST FOR YOU BUT I GUESS THIS WILL HAVE TO DO.

Y/N has been disconnected.



Clint has joined the chat.


Clint: Oh look. Disconnected. As if someone jammed the signal. Who could it be?

Bucky: I’m telling Steve!

Clint: This is what you get for threatening me! By the way, Y/N says “Yes.”

Bucky: You had no right to tell her!

Clint:  If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have known that she liked you too nor would you have a date with her!

Bucky: True…Thank you. But you better start running because you ruined my moment with her!

Clint: YOU’RE WELCOME!

Clint has left the chat.

Bucky has left the chat.

What do you call it when Ionian soldiers try to fight Xayah and I?

Hawkward! What? Do my bird puns not quack you up?

You’re not emused?

I mean I’m just winging it up here!

I’m surprised you’re still all able to stay seeded with how funny I am, you should be flying out of of your seeds!

Of course, this is just an eggsample of one of my numerous amazing talents!

….I have no egrets.

ladyxgilex  asked:

Lix: I Invoke Conn! to made this Hawkward!

Jack: *drags connor out*

Connor: what? 

Jack: so Hawkward four eyes. 

Connor: oh god it’s the punpocalypse!

Jack: oh good one!

Connor: I’m not joking! *runs off* 

mischief-rei  asked:

Cause I wanna be the awkward af person! #10~bodypillow question thingy

Hawkward…

10) Be honest, have you ever wanted/do you have a body pillow? If so, of who?

“Never had interest in them before. Sure they look neat, but they’re just really large pillows.”

“…though, I might get one of Kay, if anything just to see him get flustered as fuck by it. Heh. If I knew of one down here, and had the money since I know those things can get expensive, I’d go get one!”