hawkeye-state

8

i am the p a i n in my mind and the d e s p a i r in my heart // k.s. || click this to choose which fmab gif I should do next

Every Single The Onion Headline That References Iowa Or An Iowa City

After reading this piece, which was amazing written and accurate and a little bullyish the way you’d expect it to be, I wondered about the history of The Onion’s love affair with picking on Iowa.

Here are all the headlines that call out the state by name (or city), scraped from a simple site search:

  • 600-Pound Butter Cow Sculpture Wins Iowa Caucus
  • Award-Winning News Team Keeps Southern Iowa Man In Touch With Southern Iowa
  • Clinton Dropping Out Of Iowa?
  • Computer-Generated Talking Cat On TV Delights Iowa Woman
  • Dept. Of Labor Reports It Could Be Nothing, But They May Have Spotted Job In Iowa Strip Mall
  • Despite Lack Of Natural Disaster, Thousands Flee Des Moines, Iowa
  • Everclear Faces Iowa Ban
  • For Gay Couple, Fulfilling Lifelong Dream Of Marriage Not Worth Moving To Iowa
  • Fully Validated Kanye West Retires To Quiet Farm In Iowa
  • Iowa Board Of Tourism Launches ‘Des Moines Is DesPerate’ Campaign
  • Iowa Boobs-For-Grades Scandal
  • Iowa Fashion Week Begins
  • Iowa Resident Has Opinion Month Too Late
  • Meat Shelf Breaks Free Of Iowa
  • No Luck In Muscatine
  • Obama & McCain Have A “Tip-Top” Time In Cedar Rapids
  • Santorum Won Iowa Caucus
  • Security Beefed Up At Cedar Rapids Public Library
  • Smoking Now Permitted Only In Special Room In Iowa
  • Stoner Regales Friends With Tale Of This One Bong He Saw In Iowa City Once
  • Supreme Court Cock-Blocks Iowa Man
  • Town Of Davenport, Iowa Descends Into Hell Following Gay Marriage Ceremony
  • Voting Begins In Iowa
  • Zoo Orangutan Feels He Really Connected With Iowa Woman

A U.S. Air Force B-52 Stratofortress from the 20th Expeditionary Bomb Squadron at Barksdale Air Force Base, La., leads a formation of two F-16 Fighting Falcons from the 18th Aggressor Squadron, Eielson AFB, Alaska; two Japan Air Self-Defense Force F-2 fighters from the 6th Tactical Fighter Squadron, Tsuiki Air Base, Japan; two U.S. Navy EA-6B Prowlers from Electronic Attack Squadron 136, Carrier Air Wing 5, Naval Air Facility Atsugi, Japan; and a JASDF E-2C Hawkeye from the 601st Squadron, Misawa Air Base, Japan, over Guam during exercise Cope North.

Just finished Hawkeye #15 (THANK YOU SNOWY) and Birdie pointed out something truly mind-fucky.

Kate’s dad’s the one trying to buy the building, right?  

Kate’s dad was trying to get her out of town.  They don’t have a very close relationship, but when she was upset and needed to get out for a while, he asked her to come with him ON HIS BOAT.  Where he could’ve, y'know, controlled whether she could even get to land.  She said no, went to the other side of the country, and the MOMENT SHE ARRIVED AND NO SOONER, her credit card ends up cancelled.

Madame Masque knew where she would be, and knew about the card, and we’re led to believe that she had the card cancelled, or at least had the guy at the hotel say it was.  But the fact is that it’s never actually SAID that Masque was the one who did it.  She just knows about it.

Clownface McHitman had been gathering info on Clint, obviously.  He had pictures of Clint’s girls.  He’s MET KATE, and works for her father.  Her father stands to earn a LOT of money on this project and LOSE a lot of money if it falls through, same as the Russians.

You guys - what if Kate’s dad was the one who cancelled her card once he had word she’d hit California?  What if Kate’s dad is - if not ‘in on it’, which I doubt - at least AWARE that they’ve been trying to solve this problem… we’ll say “unconventionally”, and that his daughter was a regular visitor to the building?  And that she’d be in danger if she happened to be there when they decided to solve it?

What fucking if?

I finally rounded up the designs of my FMA: Mutual Bonds babies so I think there’s no better way to celebrate it than a pseudo-poster thing ♥

It has been a GOOOOOD while since the last time I drew the 4 of them together <3 I’m so happy right now!

A/N- This was fun to write haha x 

“No way man I’d be Iron Man, you’d be hawkeye” Dean stated as he opened the slightly rusty door of the 67′ chevy.

“In your dreams Dean… Cas would be a better Iron Man than you” Cas and Sam exited the car, entering into the cool night of Lebanon Kansas. Dean rolled his eyes and walked towards the bunker.

“He’s right Dean, I have the capabilities of the man made of iron” Dean dug out the keys for the bunker in his pockets while he rolled his eyes. Dean was about to retaliate when he got cut off by your wounded body falling in front of them from thin air. Dean jumped back in shock and reached for his gun in instinct knowing it was still useless. You lifted your head so your features were visible during the moonlight and immediately Cas recognized you, pained expression or not.

“Y/N!” Castiel exclaimed as he ran over to you picking you up in his arms, you weakly smiled at your brother while he pushed away your hair from your bloody face.

“Hey Cassybear”You hoarsely whispered, drained from the battle that just occurred. You were told only 14 demons were gonna be there, not 34. Cas looked behind to the two unmoving brothers who waited for the angel’s command.

“Help me get her inside” Castiel effortlessly picked you up while Dean cleared your path and opened the door to the bunker. Your vision became blurry and slightly red as the blood seemed to make its way into your eyes. You cursed under your breathe when you felt as if you were dipping in and out of consciousness. Dean walked ahead, leading you to a spare room.

“What have you done, Y/N? I knew you shouldn’t have left heaven so early! You were suppose to prove you can survive! ” Cas authoritatively said but you heard the hint of affection in it, brotherly affection of course.

“I thought I could take out a bunch of demons and hey I did damn good Cassie.” Cas looked down at your drowsy smile and the anger arose quicker than smoke. He hated knowing filthy demons had their hands on you.

“And?” Cas questioned as they entered your temporary room.

“I was wrong” You laughed but immediately stopped as you viciously coughed up blood. Cas examined your body and noticed the bruises covering your once untouched skin and your face was black, blue and red.

“You’re an absolute child, you’re too weak to heal yourself, Y/N…Just lay back.” Cas sighed as he sat on the chair next to your bed, he rolled up his sleeves and touched your forehead.

He felt the energy flow within his body and through his arms, the light touched your face illuminating your lethargic skin and you drifted off into a deep sleep. Cas saw your wounds closing as if he pressed the rewind button, your skin slowly became the untouched canvas it was and your swollen lips had returned to it’s original size.

He concentrated, searching for further injuries towards your vessel and he sensed your right leg had been fractured completely from the hip to the knee. He sighed and pressed further into your forehead until the mistake had been fixed. After a few moments he removed his hand from yours and noticed the blood on your clothes.

“Dean?” Sam and Dean didn’t leave the room, they heard so much about you from Cas so they felt like they knew you, like you were already family.

“Yeah Cas?” Dean stood up from his chair and walked over to the exhausted angel.

“Can Y/N borrow a shirt and a pair pants from you, please?” Dean nodded with ease, replying with an ‘of course Cas’ before walking off with Sam, leaving you two alone.

“What am I to do with you, little one?” Cas had taken away all traces of blood from your face and hair which made it easier for him to move. He pushed it away from your face and watched you sleep peacefully.

Dean entered with the clothing and set them on the table beside your bed while Sam set a water bottle with it. Cas kissed your forehead and appreciatively smiled at the boys as they walked out the room together, leaving a sleepy angel behind.

LIKE AN HOUR OR SO LATER

Your eyes fluttered open and your body stiffened. You remembered what had happened and you didn’t want to move your body drastically incase you’d get hit with a massive wave of pain. You slowly moved your arms and you felt fine, you moved your head and you felt fine and lastly you moved your legs and you were fine. You unravelled your wings stretching them and they also felt intact, you hummed in pleasure as they unfurled fully, extending themselves fully. You got out of bed and noticed your drenched in blood shirt, you groaned until your eyes landed on the spare clothing beside your bed.

“Fucking sweet” You quickly changed into the shirt noticing it was long enough to cover part of your legs, so you didn’t bother with the pants. You exited the room walking towards the noise of three men chatting. A library suddenly came into your view and you saw a distress Cas sitting with a beer beside him.

“Chill, Cas she’ll be fine” You heard what you thought was Dean, Cas never introduced you to the boys so you guessed what they sounded and looked like.

“Yeah Cassybear, I’m fine” Cas heard your voice and he jumped out of the chair while it scraped the wooden floor of the library. He rushed over to you and enveloped you into a comforting hug. The sudden impact caught you by surprise but you still laughed at your brothers antics.

“Y/N Y/L/N You! young lady have a lot of explaining to do” You were about to talk when you heard someone choke on their beer. You looked behind Cas and saw two brothers gawking at you, Cas turned around and he noticed what they were staring at and he immediately covered your body with his.

“Dammit Y/N. They gave you pants for a reason” You looked down to your legs and wondered what the problem was until you realised you could see your butt perfectly through this shirt. You shrugged your shoulders which earned an annoyed eye roll from Cas. He shrugged off his trenchcoat and made you wear it while he hid your body from the Winchesters. He led you to the library while you tried not to trip in his extremely large coat.

“So Y/N explain!” Cas folded his arms while he sat on the table and you sat on the chair.

“Cas don’t be rude, Hi Y/N i’m Dean and this is my little brother Sam” Dean extended his hand and you gladly took it, he winked at you and Cas coughed loudly, breaking you two apart. You shook Sam’s hands next and Cas stared down at you with his authoritative eyes.

“Okay I swear to dad I thought there were only 14 demons…turns out I miscalculated” You shamefully sighed.

“By how much?” Cas asked

“20” You said and mumbled really quickly which Cas didn’t get.

“How.Much.Y/N” Cas asked yet again.

“Fine 20… I miscalculated by 20 damn demons! Ya happy, flappy?“ You exasperated. The boys eyes widened in shock and Cas got up out of his chair and paced around the room.

“I am going to send them to perdition, then raise them from it only to smite them” Cas’s menacing tone scared you for a second but you ignored that part of you. You got out of your chair and shrugged the annoyingly large coat off of your body and stood next to your dramatic brother.

“Cas… i took care of it. They’re all dead, I swear” Sighing, Cas held you at arms length then kissed your forehead.

“I just want you to be careful, go rest up and we’ll talk tomorrow, okay?” You smiled and bid the boys goodbye. On the way back you heard Cas yell.

“SAM AND DEAN WINCHESTER, DON’T YOU DARE CHECK OUT MY BABY SISTER’S BEHIND OR SO HELP ME GOD, I WILL SEND YOU BACK TO PERDITION” you smirked and giggled. He may be overprotective but you wouldn’t have it any other way after all you were his fledgling.