hawkeye-state

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i am the p a i n in my mind and the d e s p a i r in my heart // k.s. || click this to choose which fmab gif I should do next

Every Single The Onion Headline That References Iowa Or An Iowa City

After reading this piece, which was amazing written and accurate and a little bullyish the way you’d expect it to be, I wondered about the history of The Onion’s love affair with picking on Iowa.

Here are all the headlines that call out the state by name (or city), scraped from a simple site search:

  • 600-Pound Butter Cow Sculpture Wins Iowa Caucus
  • Award-Winning News Team Keeps Southern Iowa Man In Touch With Southern Iowa
  • Clinton Dropping Out Of Iowa?
  • Computer-Generated Talking Cat On TV Delights Iowa Woman
  • Dept. Of Labor Reports It Could Be Nothing, But They May Have Spotted Job In Iowa Strip Mall
  • Despite Lack Of Natural Disaster, Thousands Flee Des Moines, Iowa
  • Everclear Faces Iowa Ban
  • For Gay Couple, Fulfilling Lifelong Dream Of Marriage Not Worth Moving To Iowa
  • Fully Validated Kanye West Retires To Quiet Farm In Iowa
  • Iowa Board Of Tourism Launches ‘Des Moines Is DesPerate’ Campaign
  • Iowa Boobs-For-Grades Scandal
  • Iowa Fashion Week Begins
  • Iowa Resident Has Opinion Month Too Late
  • Meat Shelf Breaks Free Of Iowa
  • No Luck In Muscatine
  • Obama & McCain Have A “Tip-Top” Time In Cedar Rapids
  • Santorum Won Iowa Caucus
  • Security Beefed Up At Cedar Rapids Public Library
  • Smoking Now Permitted Only In Special Room In Iowa
  • Stoner Regales Friends With Tale Of This One Bong He Saw In Iowa City Once
  • Supreme Court Cock-Blocks Iowa Man
  • Town Of Davenport, Iowa Descends Into Hell Following Gay Marriage Ceremony
  • Voting Begins In Iowa
  • Zoo Orangutan Feels He Really Connected With Iowa Woman

A U.S. Air Force B-52 Stratofortress from the 20th Expeditionary Bomb Squadron at Barksdale Air Force Base, La., leads a formation of two F-16 Fighting Falcons from the 18th Aggressor Squadron, Eielson AFB, Alaska; two Japan Air Self-Defense Force F-2 fighters from the 6th Tactical Fighter Squadron, Tsuiki Air Base, Japan; two U.S. Navy EA-6B Prowlers from Electronic Attack Squadron 136, Carrier Air Wing 5, Naval Air Facility Atsugi, Japan; and a JASDF E-2C Hawkeye from the 601st Squadron, Misawa Air Base, Japan, over Guam during exercise Cope North.

Just finished Hawkeye #15 (THANK YOU SNOWY) and Birdie pointed out something truly mind-fucky.

Kate’s dad’s the one trying to buy the building, right?  

Kate’s dad was trying to get her out of town.  They don’t have a very close relationship, but when she was upset and needed to get out for a while, he asked her to come with him ON HIS BOAT.  Where he could’ve, y'know, controlled whether she could even get to land.  She said no, went to the other side of the country, and the MOMENT SHE ARRIVED AND NO SOONER, her credit card ends up cancelled.

Madame Masque knew where she would be, and knew about the card, and we’re led to believe that she had the card cancelled, or at least had the guy at the hotel say it was.  But the fact is that it’s never actually SAID that Masque was the one who did it.  She just knows about it.

Clownface McHitman had been gathering info on Clint, obviously.  He had pictures of Clint’s girls.  He’s MET KATE, and works for her father.  Her father stands to earn a LOT of money on this project and LOSE a lot of money if it falls through, same as the Russians.

You guys - what if Kate’s dad was the one who cancelled her card once he had word she’d hit California?  What if Kate’s dad is - if not ‘in on it’, which I doubt - at least AWARE that they’ve been trying to solve this problem… we’ll say “unconventionally”, and that his daughter was a regular visitor to the building?  And that she’d be in danger if she happened to be there when they decided to solve it?

What fucking if?

I finally rounded up the designs of my FMA: Mutual Bonds babies so I think there’s no better way to celebrate it than a pseudo-poster thing ♥

It has been a GOOOOOD while since the last time I drew the 4 of them together <3 I’m so happy right now!