hawaii books

An excerpt from a story I'll never write #1

“For once just be something more than ordinary. Goddammit,” she heaved, exasperated, “speak up for once, take a stand for once. Don’t let the world blur by in a flurry of excitement and opportunity while you sit by twirling your thumbs. Instead of stopping to smell the roses, plant some. Take an actual leap of faith, go skydiving! You can even sleep around if that’s what it takes!Do something– do anything to get that overwhelming bubbling in the pit of your stomach.” She stared at him, her breathing ragged and labored. The absence of her profuse screaming was defending, like hearing the sound of your own heart beating in your ears.
“Please, I beg you, just do something to let me know the boy I fell for in the 4th grade is in there somewhere. For once, just allow the world to notice you. Why are you so afraid of being someone people take an interest in? ” She whispered, her tear filled eyes finding his empty ones. He stared at her a few moments longer; their gaze seemed to be locked in place, if was almost as if their unspoken words were materializing in the air and space between them. In their last moments, his eyes dropped, and she exhaled a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. Turning her back to him and all she’d ever known, she picked up her keys and the duffle she’d packed and placed by the door. And with an unspoken goodbye, she left.
As her taillights began to fade, the silence was louder than the sound of the rain pounding the pavement outside and the beating in his chest drowned out the white noise of his solidarity.


My boyfriend keeps trying to get me to research what I want to do while on the family (his) vacation to Hawaii, but all I’ve planned so far is a rough sketch of the books I want to bring.

So if anyone has some recommendations for things to do and places to visit (*cough* bookstores) on the Big Island, do share!

Have you ever cried on a beach?

Have you ever cried on a beach? Sat on the sand and shoved your red, blistered feet into its smooth grains. Watched the waves crash onto the shore and retreat back again, only to build another monstrous wave that would continue to crash. All while forming tears in your eyes that dripped down into the sand just as the droplets of mist hovering above the water collected and fell on the ground. Emotions pounding in your head as the sun creeps above the trees and pounds into the warm earth. Your tears practically resembling the ocean, coming in waves that crash and build up again. Have you ever cried on a beach?

I have. 

You may be wondering how, why, when, and what triggered me to produce tears on a beach. A beach! The place that makes everyone relaxed, calm, and blissful. The place that people can laugh and smile and have fun with those they love most. Well, it’s almost that complete and utter peace that killed my spirit. In that moment, on that beach, I was so totally and absolutely calm and relaxed that my body formulated tears because I couldn’t remember the last time I actually felt any sort of calm in my life at all. Like rainstorms that occur even with the sun in the sky, my tears flowed out of elation. I couldn’t bring myself to get up and walk off that beach. Watching the surfers waiting for a wave, seeing the sun sneak over the edge of the palm trees’ leaves, and gripping the coarse sand in my fingertips just made the tears flow ever so smoothly and quietly.

 I was at peace.

Crying on that tropical beach is what made me realize that I could not leave. And when I was obligated to walk off that beach, the tears reminded me of how I needed to be back on that beach. I would sob every day on that beach if I had to. I need to be there.

I need to be there.

In essence, this story has some purpose (if anyone has continued to read through the whole thing..) You’ll know when you find the place you belong. Whether you’ve already found it or you’re still searching, you will encounter a situation that will make you know that you belong there. Maybe you’ll see signs along the sidewalk, or run into a certain special someone, or even cry on a beach in Hawaii. Whatever it is, listen to the message. Pay attention to the signs. You’ll know when you find the place you belong. 

5.5.17 / post-vaca dreams