darling, you are the one
born with galaxies and supernovas like fireworks in your eyes.
your fingers hold strength that mine will never know.
your bones carry prophecies that mine does not dare dream of.
i was only born
with flower petals staining my cheeks pink
and strange songs murmuring faintly in my heart.
i was only born
with snatches of fool’s good trapped in my hair
and gossamer tangled somewhere between my lungs and my ribs.
and darling, i do not mind
if your light is brighter
your voice is louder
your steps are stronger
i have always known, after all,
that your fate soars much higher than mine ever will
and it does not do to envy a demigod
or an angel
or a hero
or a friend.
but darling, this i swear:
when they come for you
(and they will, my darling,
let’s not lie to ourselves
to each other)
i will grind my teeth into bloodlust fangs.
i will file my nails into tigers’ claws.
darling, this i swear:
i will make poisons of the flowers in my cheeks
and spiderwebs of the gossamer torn from my chest.
i will teach my heart to beat to the rhythm of a battle drum.
and this, this i swear:
i will make them all face
the thin-edged broken glass
s h a t t e r e d p i e c e s
gods should fear when pretty little things goes to war ( j.p. )
• NO self blaming.
▪ if you have negative voices telling you that you aren’t good enough, whether they are from yourself or from a past abuser, acknowledge them, write them down, and know that they are false.
• Learn from mistakes, forgive yourself for them.
• Tidy up one room/drawer/mess a day.
• Do one hour of “me time” a day.
▪ Journal, read, listen to music, do makeup, crafts, go thrift shopping, get a massage/do self massage.
• Do one yoga video a day. Save favorites to a playlist on youtube. Look up specific ones for specific body pains/mental troubles.
• Hatch one egg per week on Pokemon Go.
• Wash bed sheets one a week.
• Write in journal daily.
• Read one chapter of a book or more daily.
• Study a foreign language on Duolingo at least 15 minutes a day. (OR American sign language)
• Have an orgasm once a day. Use the energy to help complete daily tasks or other self care items.
• Vacuum Daily.
• Say “NO” and mean it. No apologies.
• Take a 30 minute nap.
• Take a multivitamin daily.
• Write one new story/Draw something new at least once a week.
• Watch a documentary. (Stay away from triggering subjects.)
• Collect change in a jar and save up to buy seeds/plants once a month.
• Do guided meditation.
• Reach out. Call someone. Write a letter.
• Create a music playlist for your mood or moments in your life.
• Go to instagram/Tumblr and leave sweet comments on girl’s pictures. Spread positivity.
• Use a lip scrub / Spray your face with rose water. (Look up diy videos on how to make each of these.)
• Lay in the sun. Use sunscreen liberally.
• Write down your creative ideas at night on a notepad by your bed and then do creative things in the morning when you are rested.
• Clean/disinfect phone screen and case once a week. It breeds bacteria and makes your face break out.
• Blast music and dance and sing with no embarrassment.
• Play video games if you have the energy.
• Ask for help. Write a list of things you need help with. Reach out.
• Set reminders on your phone for everything. Appointments, pills, water breaks, self care goals, etc.
• Create a mental space that resembles a container with a functioning lid to set your intrusive thoughts and memories in when they get too overwhelming. Visit them only when you are in a safe place or at your therapists.
• Acknowledge feelings and emotions as they come. Separate yourself from your emotions. Know that you’ve felt differently before and you will again. Write them down to help process.
• Be in the moment. Practice mindfulness.
• Focus only on the things YOU can control. You can only control yourself. Let go of the idea that you can control others/their actions.
• Do Maintenance on boundaries in every relationship you have. Every human relationship needs healthy boundaries.
You all deserve the best in the whole world 💕 Keep on fighting!
He’s fifteen years old and tired. Sitting in front of the trailer he calls home, he lets himself feel it for just a second. Allows himself to acknowledge the heaviness pulling at his limbs, his drooping eyelids getting pulled down by some invisible power; allows himself a moment of anger and exhaustion. Feeling sorry for himself and letting his misery take over his senses isn’t something he necessarily likes to do. He knows his life sucks, there’s no use dwelling on that. He also knows there are people who have it worse and that he will get out of here. One day one day one day. It’s a song that replays itself inside his head when things get rough, when he feels alone and his father tells him he’s worthless, with his fists and words alike, when his mom looks at it all with pursed lips or ignores it altogether. When the trailer park is suffocating and the dust invades his lungs, makes it hard to breathe. Sometimes doubt creeps in and then it’s almost impossible for him to believe it will ever happen; he’ll be stuck here for the rest of his days, become a copy of Robert Parrish because it’s his fate, it’s in his blood and he’ll have a son sitting in the exact same position, singing to himself one day one day one day.
Snapping out of that depressing train of thought, he suddenly remembers the free magazine he picked up at the grocery store earlier. From the rack next to the entry, filled with daily news and picked up by the busy fingers of housewives and old people taking their weekly stroll. He’s passed it numerous times and never felt the need to take one with him, until today. He doesn’t know what came over him, just that he desperately wanted to pretend to do something normal. And why not?
He takes it out now, from under his thin jacket, unfolds it and looks at the picture of some actress he vaguely recognizes posing on the front.
It’s been so long since he read something just for him. He used to go the library when he was younger, used to spend full days there, befriending the old, sweet lady behind the desk, reading everything he could get his hands on. But when he realized there’s a way to escape this, that the world is so much wider than the name double-wide suggest, that maybe there’s a way for him to not only read about magical places and people going on adventures, but actually live those things and see them for himself, the library turned into the last item on his list of things to do. He picked up several jobs and poured all his remaining time and energy into studying and getting A’s; the library was forgotten. At times, when the night is too heavy to sleep and the walls are too thin to not hear what’s playing in the bedroom next to his, he thinks of the old lady with her white hair that gave him pieces of her chocolate sometimes and wonders what happened to her. If she still works there, if maybe at times she wonders about him too after he abruptly stopped coming, if she’s even still alive.
Now he opens his magazine and pictures the one his father reads and notices the stark difference between the two. He rifles through it, not particularly caring about the content or finding it exceptionally captivating, but enjoying himself nonetheless. Skimming through it, he abruptly lets it fall open on some ad, perfume he thinks, featuring a man, a car and the gray sky above. The man is leaning against his expensive, fast car, wearing expensive designer clothes. Adam’s enthralled by how casually powerful the man looks and by the quiet authority he radiates. Like nothing can hurt him, like he’s above pain. At first, it’s just the power that evokes Adam’s wonder, then he pays closer attention to the guy’s face; zooms in on his high cheekbones, the strand of dark hair falling on his forehead, his pronounced jawline. The way his clothes fit him just right, accentuating the right things, the right way and Adam is in awe.
There’s a mixture of several things going through Adam’s head, the most prominent being want. Which he shuts down immediately without realizing why and replaces with one day one day one day. He looks at the car again. Without giving it second thought, he rips the picture from the magazine and folds it carefully, stuffs it into his pocket.
The picture is burned in his memory now and he thinks he’ll use it as motivation, to try to become that person one day. Because that’s what he wants. That’s the want overpowering his thoughts. Being that man, radiating the same power, being able to dress like that, owning a car like that and doing it all as effortlessly as if he’d been born into it.
He takes it out sometimes, from under his mattress. He’s not sure why he feels the need to hide it like that, it’s not like there’s something bad on there. He just doesn’t want his dad to find it and realize that Adam wants to be that man, he tells himself. He doesn’t want his parents to know that that is his goal in life, he tells himself. And he tries not to think of the why’s to much. Why he decided on that picture, why he hides it, why it makes him want.
Years later he’ll realize that maybe it wasn’t just the power the man radiated and the effortless way he looked like money and success and was everything Adam wanted to be but wasn’t. He’ll think that maybe it was a mixture of those things, combined with the fact that he was extremely attracted to the guy, but just didn’t realize it. That the want to be him, could’ve easily also been the want to be with him among other things. He’ll think that there have been so many more instances in his life where he interpreted his own feelings wrong, or simply repressed them and twisted them so that he didn’t have to face the real thing. Subconsciously of course, until Ronan started looking at him and the pieces all fell in their place and he realized something about himself that had been there for a long time, but was never allowed out.
When he gets together with Ronan, he analyzes the feelings he had for Blue and he realizes they were just as real as the one he has for Ronan. Maybe they weren’t as strong, but they were there. And something clicks inside him, because he knows now that Ronan wasn’t the first boy he was ever attracted to, which is what he thought in the beginning, and he knows that he’s still very much into girls too, but that it’s all fine. He’s got time to find himself and figure out what that means for him. Which he does in great detail. Adam Parrish, a man of science, likes to understand things, approaches this objectively, eyes on his goal.
He doesn’t doubt his attraction or love for Ronan because he is absolutely sure that those things are there. He does not doubt his feelings for Ronan once. He just wonders whether he’s the only boy he’s ever liked or if there were others.
When he was younger, he didn’t give his sexuality much thought. He always thought he was straight so there was no real reason to think about it and anyway, living under his parents’ roof, the possibility of being something else than straight, stepping out of line of what his dad thought was right, wasn’t much of an option. He liked Blue, he had a girlfriend before that, when he was fourteen. She gave him his first kiss, but other than that it wasn’t anything exceptional. She was a girl from his school he had to work with one day. She was pretty and she smelled nice. She had a gap between her teeth and he remembers finding that charming. They worked on the chemistry project in the library, she kissed him one day, he liked it, she asked him to be her girlfriend and eventually she broke it off, no doubt expecting dates and time spent together, but Adam simply did not have the money or time to spare. He didn’t like her that much that it really hurt or anything, but it stung a little. Knowing dating just wasn’t for him, yet another thing on his seemingly endless list of one day, something he’d do when he got out of here.
If he was being honest with himself, he was a little disappointed. It’s not like he expected butterflies to fly around and the sun to start shining just for them, but the couple kisses they shared didn’t really do anything to him. That didn’t stop him from wanting more of them, though. Her lips were soft and brought him affection he had missed his whole life. The feeling of her hands on his hips warmed his skin in a way he was not familiar with, so even if real feelings were missing, he also definitely didn’t want her to break up with him .
He figured it was better anyway. He put her out of his head and forget about her quickly enough, only sometimes allowing her to open the doors in his mind and wondering that if he could’ve been able to show her a little more attention, she’d have stayed longer.
Then he met Blue and he really liked her too. Her originality and fire drew him in and did things to his head. It was easier with her somehow because he saw her in the company of Gansey, because she was pretty affectionate herself and wasn’t afraid to say what she thought or let him know what she wanted or didn’t want. She took his hand and it was easy to lay his head in her lap. It was nice and he knew that if he were to kiss her, it’d be different than the kisses he shared with his former girlfriend. He thought maybe he’d feel something else than simply that’s nice.
It was good. While it lasted.
Because of course it didn’t last. He was Adam Parrish, why would he be able to love someone the right way? Maybe love was a big word, but why would he be able to – to be enough? Because that was exactly what it was. He was not enough.
The words it’s not going to be you echoed through his mind for days on end and the fear that he would end up exactly like his father encased him, held him captive. When those words came out of her mouth, he knew. He just knew that if it wasn’t him, it’d be Gansey. Because of course. Of fucking course.
When he gets together with Ronan, everything is great and his anger doesn’t matter because Ronan has his own anger inside to match Adam’s. They get together and every touch, every word shared between them leaves a trace in his skin, strikes a match until his insides are burning with want and need and love. Finally he can feed his hunger. Ronan doesn’t mind if Adam kisses him fiercely, barely giving him space to breathe, all but attacks his mouth with his own. He doesn’t mind Adam taking of his shirt and tracing the warm skin, following the trail of his tattoo with his mouth. Doesn’t mind the hickies on his neck, the scratches on his back.
The physical aspects of the relationship is explosive and wonderful. But that’s not all. Ronan is the first person to ever be truly gentle with him, the first person that looks at him as if he deserves everything.
He makes Adam laugh harder than anything ever has, sometimes so much he literally cannot breathe, until he has tears in his eyes. Ronan knows when to crack a joke, make fun of Gansey, draw out a grin with force if he has to after a shitty day at work. But also knows when to leave it alone and simply let Adam lay his head on his lap on the couch and gently run his fingers through his hair when he’s feeling down. Because the truth is, while Adam Parrish has always thought of himself as unknowable, somehow Ronan Lynch has managed to know him.
He knows him. He understands him. Like no one ever has. And Adam realizes that, even if he didn’t notice before, he had always understood Ronan the same way. Back when he couldn’t stand being in the same room with him for more than five minutes before one of them made a biting remark. Even then, they’d understood each other on some level.
So, no. If there is one thing in the world he is absolutely sure of, it’s his love for Ronan. While figuring out his sexuality is definitely confusing, that is not. It’s the surest and realist thing in his life at the moment.
Once, when Adam was about ten, he had a friend. Called Jason. The boy had curly black hair, dark skin and piercing brown eyes that glittered in the sun and made Adam feel warm and fuzzy inside. It was the first real friend he’d ever had, or as real as fleeting friendship at that age can be anyway and Adam cared for him deeply. When Jason smiled, he had a dimple and for some reason having it directed at him, filled Adam with an indescribable pride. There was something about him that made Adam want to be around him as much as possible and never let go. Seen as Jason was his first friend, he didn’t think much of it and figured that’s just what friendship was.
The whole thing was over pretty quickly, Jason moved away. Adam is pretty sure he never even knew his last name.
When he thinks back to that now, he wonders if it wasn’t something other than just friendship. And then he thinks back to the first time Gansey had laid his charming eyes on him and shown Adam his electric smile and the feeling that had evoked inside him and wow. That’s a whole other realization.
Now lying on his small mattress above the church that’s his home, next to the boy he thinks of when he thinks of home, he wonders how he never noticed what really, was there all along. He thinks it’s probably a mixture of wanting to survive and homophobic bullshit shoved in his head by the people that raised him.
Now, lying on his small mattress above the church that’s his home, next to the boy he thinks of when he thinks of home, he lets himself feel and think and understand something about himself.
‘Why the fuck are you thinking this hard? It’s two in the morning’, Ronan mumbles into the crook of his shoulder, sleep already pulling at his senses, one hand wrapped around Adam’s waist.
‘I’m not.’ It’s a lie, automatically leaving his mouth. Adam spends his life thinking too hard, over analyzing every little thing. He’s never had to share the inner workings of his mind with anyone.
‘Yes, you are. You’ve got that little crunch between your eyebrows. That means you’re thinking too hard.’ But this is Ronan and, again, Adam is taken aback by how good Ronan knows him. The inner workings of his mind may be a mystery to most people, but Ronan has never been like most people.
He doesn’t say anything for a little while, lets the silence fill the room. Ronan kisses his shoulder and Adam can feel his eyelashes fluttering against his skin. Soft as a confession whispered in the dead of the night.
‘I’m bisexual’, he says then, finally, shattering the quiet.
And it’s out there. The nervous flutter in his stomach has nothing to do with fear or dread. He feels most comfortable around Ronan and this is nothing new really. It’s just that it’s the first time he’s ever said those words aloud, the first time he knows with a certainty they’re real. And that sensation is new to him, it flutters in his stomach, but a good kind of fluttering. One that’s as pleasant as the spring sun warming his skin after winter has gone to sleep.
Ronan makes a noise that could be interpreted in many different ways, but the way he pulls Adam closer to him and nuzzles his nose to his temple and drops a kiss on his ear, indicates it’s most likely one of encouragement and support. The gesture fills Adam’s body with warmth and his heart beats with the incredible love he has for this boy.
‘What brought this on?’
‘I don’t know. Just thinking back on my life. I have this ad in my car, for perfume or something. And I always convinced myself I kept it because one day I wanted to be the guy. But now I think I kept it because I was ridiculously attracted to him even though I didn’t realize it.’
Ronan lets out a small laugh. ‘Well, I’m fucking gay. I think I always sort of knew though.’
Adam wonders if Ronan has ever admitted to that before and he’s pretty sure he never has. He simply got together with Adam and that was enough for them. But here, in the safety and comfort of this room and each other, it’s okay.
He thinks of how Ronan used to hate himself so much and that, some of it at least, was tied to his sexuality. How he used to be so angry and scared and hidden from everyone. How self acceptance was a long and painful process for him. He thinks of how proud he is of Ronan, of how strong he is and of how far he’s come. To say those words without shame above the church he visits every Sunday. The church where he belongs but for a long time felt like an intruder, like he was wrong.
Ronan shouldn’t have to give up parts of himself because others won’t accept him. He shouldn’t have to hide. He’s gay, but he also believe in god with an intensity that Adam saw reflected in his eyes the few times he has accompanied him to church.
Adam himself is not religious, but he respects it and can see the beauty of it in certain things. But more importantly, he’s aware of how deeply rooted it is in Ronan’s life and how it’s a part of him. Adam loves all parts of Ronan, wants him to be able to love all parts of himself too. He’s glad Ronan feels comfortable enough saying those words above his church.
‘I’m glad you finally figured it out. ‘M proud of you,’ Ronan mumbles then, almost asleep, saying things he maybe wouldn’t have said wide awake, but that Adam would’ve gotten anyway.
Adam plants a kiss on the top of his head and closes his head. ‘I’m proud of you too.’
And that’s how they fall asleep, entwined like vines and trusting someone, finally, to accept them for who they are.
They’re growing still. And discovering themselves, but now that they’re safe and relatively happy, most of the time, it’s a process Adam actually is kind of looking forward to. Maybe he doesn’t have to be unknowable. Maybe he can just be Adam Parrish, loved by his friends and boyfriend, safe, attending Harvard in the fall, bisexual, in love and proud. Of who he is.
Proud of being Adam Parrish. He decides he rather likes that thought.
Thanks for reading! Title from Chanel by Frank Ocean, because that song is almost as Bi™ as Adam Parrish is
just a note: i’m not going to be creative with this soulmate stuff, just use the “you’ll know it when you see them” concept (i’m so sorry @ asker idk if you wanted me to create a whole au)
i feel like youngmin is a lowkey dreamer about all this soulmate stuff
like he’s always wondering who it is and worrying about how he’ll meet them and his first impression
but also being cheesy like imagining your life together and all that
but lowkey about it because he’s supposed to be a Cool Rapper and doesn’t want to get teased
once he got caught sleeptalking and woojin never let him live it down
“youngmin hyung, remember when you were practicing your marriage proposal to your soulmate in your sleep? i sure do.”
“shut up or i’m telling rhymer you’re slacking”
“i should have taken a video of it, dang”
he would totally be the type to write notes to his future soulmate
but ever since woojin caught him sleeptalking he started hiding it like,,,,,, at the bottom of his laundry hamper or something
googles “how to deodorize a book”
he’s forever beating himself up about the day he met you because he just came from practice and he had like 2 hours of sleep the night before and he just got out of a fucking dogpile with the other bnm boys because they were fighting over who had to go out and buy them all dinner
later on you tease him about it but like he still looked cute cmon
you can probably guess who ended up at the bottom of the dogpile
so you’ve been sitting in the store for a while alone eating and don’t notice him walk in at first because you’re on your phone
and then you hear a nice voice ask for 10 boxes of chicken to go in this cute busan accent and ur just like
“,,,,,ok who needs 10 boxes of chicken how fast is ur metabolism” not out loud ofc
so that catches your attention and you look up from your phone and your food
and that’s kinda when you feel it
you realize your soulmate is in this very room
youngmin feels it too and he goes into full panic mode
thank god he already finished his order because with his luck he would’ve been so nervous he would’ve ordered like,,,,, boxes of ketchup instead of chicken or something
so you two start looking around the store for one another (because you don’t really feel it until you actually see each other that’s how the soulmates thing works)
it doesn’t take long because he’s just right next to the ordering counter
i don’t wanna be cheesy and say it was Love at First Sight or anything
but like it was cmon let’s get some cliché in here
and youngmin was going to wait at the counter for his food but now he’s walking to where you’re sitting
he’d get there and the whole time you two are kind of staring at each other
a few other people around the store are watching you two
“yeah you bet those two are soulmates should we get out before any sappy shit happens”
youngmin stays standing and stares for a couple more seconds after getting there
you’d have to get him out of his daze
“hello,,,? my name is y/n”
“oH RIGHT HI my name is youngmin…… uh i think that,, i think you’re my… uh…….”
adorable nervous lil paca would probably blush and if he has long sleeves pull at them or ruffle his hair
you would have to break the truth to him
“soulmate? yeah i am, or at least i think so.”
youngmin would say something stupidly too straightforward like “oh,,,,,, i’m really glad you’re my soulmate- wait is that weird is it too soon i’m so sorry”
“oh no, it’s okay….uh,,”
honestly the whole ordeal would be so cringe
but endearing enough that you two laugh about it later
you two are interrupted (but you can’t really be interrupted when you’re not speaking can you) because youngmin’s order is ready
so he excuses himself and returns with like two huge plastic bags of chicken box sets
even though the tension is so thick between you two you don’t want him to go and he doesn’t want to leave you
but he knows the boys are going to get on his ass soon if he doesn’t bring them dinner soon i mean they are like starving lions all of them
you were just sitting there with your almost finished food and he was standing next to your table with his bags having a staring contest or something
so youngmin is finally able to think rationally after another minute
“if it’s not too far from your place, you can come with me to my agency–i forgot to say i’m a trainee–and meet the other boys??? i was kind of here to grab them dinner but then i saw you and- well maybe afterwards i can take you back home,,,, it shouldn’t be too far from here right?”
he’s so nervous he doesn’t know if you’ll agree
but of course you do because i mean you should get to know him better
the walk there is short, a little over five minutes but as soon as you get out of the store the conversation never stops
it’s amazing how much you can learn about someone in five minutes if you talk really fast
by the time you two get to the practice room you two are like best flirting friends or something (does that make sense)
you helped him carry a bag and he held ur free hand how cute
you two enter the practice rooms and oh god hell breaks loose
the rest of the bnm boys are YELLIN at you two and chasing you down to crowd around you it’s actually really scary
they’re just really energetic together and excited for their hyung and you learn to love it
you get bombarded with so many questions
woojin is a kind enough friend not to tell you everything he knows on the first encounter and youngmin is so grateful he gives him extra chicken
but don’t worry you’ll learn all about it soon enough
but yes you sit and talk to them during their dinner and youngmin walks you home afterwards
you two exchange numbers the whole schbang
gonna stress the fact that i don’t think youngmin is the type to do first date kisses a kiss on the cheek is the most ur getting sorry not sorry
but yes dating him is fun and you guys are together forever like soulmates are
So you’ve decided to write a spell, great! Everyone has the capacity and capability to write a working spell. This is a list of some beginner tips for new spell writers, or for experienced writers who feel they need to go back to the basics.
1. Don’t be afraid of your own style.
Some spells are super flowery with long words and Shakespearian phrases. Some spells require 18 ingredients and 3 days to cast them. Some spells require specific times to cast them and the perfect astrological conditions. Some spells are simple, consisting of a single phrase.
Don’t be afraid of your own individual style. A spell written by you, for you, should be a personal experience. Just because your spell doesn’t flow a certain way doesn’t mean it’s “wrong” or won’t work. Spell writing is a form of self expression and each spell will be as individual and unique as the person writing it.
2. Don’t think too much.
Spell writing (for me anyway) is more of a spiritual experience than an intellectual one. I usually sit down with my pen and paper. Then I meditate for a minute thinking about what I want to achieve. Then I just let the words flow out onto the paper, without thinking about what it all means. You can always read it after and make adjustments. If you just sit down and let it happen, you may be surprised by what you come up with!
3. Make your own associations.
Don’t feel like you have to research the meaning of every ingredient or color that you use. I may think red is a color for lust while you see it as a color for anger. Both associations are right. If something doesn’t feel right to you, or you personally feel different about something. It’s ok to use an ingredient in a different way than what is “traditional”.
4 Do research on any ingredients you use.
This may seem contradictory to my last tip, but this time I’m talking about physical properties. Will your gemstone dissolve in water? Is that herb you want to use toxic? Could you have an allergy to that essential oil? It’s important to do your research because some of the ingredients used in spell craft can be very potent.
5. Have fun!
If spell writing is stressing you out, try taking a break and coming back to it later. Whatever energy you have while writing your spell is going to show up in the casting of your spell. If you’re angry while writing a healing spell, it probably won’t work as well as you wanted it to. Don’t get frustrated with yourself. You’re new at this it will take some time. Just have patience with yourself.
I hope these tips are helpful for any new spell writers!
Anonymous asked: “I’m starting a book and whenever I sit down to write I never know what to put down. Do you have any advice for getting focused/getting ideas flowing? Or just getting in touch with what you’re trying to say?”
Sometimes it can be a struggle to get words on the page. This happens to everyone - most often, when we’re rusty or feeling out of practice. Sometimes, we just procrastinate. There’s no rush to write that scene, so why not put it off until tomorrow? We have all been there.
The short answer on how to avoid getting into this habit is to simply stop. Easier said than done. I’ve been there many, many times. I was there this past week after I stopped writing for about a week to recover from a virus. Here’s a few techniques to get back into good writing habits:
Start with writing prompts. Then, don’t work on an ongoing project, either write out something by hand or even just type a short scene spurred by a prompt. This will help get you back into the swing of things and thinking again like a writer. While I find good prompts just about everywhere, my favorites are Deep Water Prompts (@deepwaterwritingprompts) and Writing Prompts that Don’t Suck (@awesomewritingprompts).
idk if ur still taking fic requests but: kanej anastasia au (inej wants to find her family, we all know kaz is /only/ there for the money)
okay but this def calls for a multichaptered fic just bc i can’t smush everything into a oneshot bUT have some headcanons first (consider this a layout for the actual thing?? maybe??) - inej’s a lost suli princess, obviously - kaz as dimitri, jesper as vladimir, there’s a badass girl they meet on the train right before it break and she literally saves their asses and that, ofc, is nina - matthias is bartok except he’s human /the Big Bad a.k.a rasputin is jarl brum (i considered pekka rollins but honestly?? jarl is way way more terrifying simply bc he’s an actual literal nazi fanatic and he has no remorse/ and matthias grows more and more unsure about his ~mission~ everyday - inej: constantly trying to convince kaz he shouldn’t maybe,, deck people with his cane at the first minor inconvenience kaz: YOU LITTLE- inej: ? :) kaz: [storms off] jesper: ah yes young love nina: jesper you’re young too jesper: who me?? nah i have wylan in paris, i’m cool - okay but imagine inej dancing to once upon a december except she doesn’t know HOW or why she knows it, she just does (that’s before she figured out her medallion was actually a music box) - imagine kaz walking in on her twirling and she doesn’t notice him at first so he gets all red and then she sees him and it’s super awkward but inej smiles and makes everything better (it is a known fact that inej’s smile can make flowers grow) - jarl brum sending his evil minions after her (also bc he has old hatred for nina and inej helped her escape that burning train) - matthias tries to convince jarl brum to like,, chill the fuck out maybe but fails miserably - kaz’s ptsd is still present bc it’s an essential part of his character (no matter what au this is), his background, his persona and so he can’t grab inej when she wakes up from that nightmare on the ship - so he just tells her to pretend there’s a net, and he reminds her how much she hates nets and that she’s stronger than that so she climbs back up all on her own bc she’s inej mothereffin ghafa so eat a cactus jarl brum - they get to paris and wylan’s like. blushing like an actual pepper (as wylan does) so jesper immediately seizes the opportunity and starts calling him little devil bc yknow red pepper hot yadda yadda yadda - meanwhile nina actually acts like sophie and takes them out for waffles, shows them around paris, somehow gets in touch with the queen before wylan could even open the door - IMAGINE THE DRESS - KAZ SEEING THE DRESS - WITH INEJ IN IT - INEJ WEARING THE DRESS - KAZ SEEING INEJ!!!!!!!! IN THE DRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!! ajksdjkask - his fingers barely brush during the ballet scene at the theater but it’s like electricity (for both of them) - INEJ FINDS HER MOM AND IT TURNS OUT HER DAD’S ALIVE TOO AND THEY’RE CRYING AND YOU’RE CRYING AND WE’RE ALL CRYING - kaz, who has spend so much time babbling about his precious kruge, the $$$$, the green goodies, just smiles at the happy reunion and retracts into the shadows - the big battle has a lot of knife throwing on inej’s part and ofc kaz tries to talk jarl brum out of it and somehow persuade him to drop it - then he tries to make a deal with him but that plan flops too - and then inej plays it dirty and literally creeps up on jarl, giving him a good kick in the ass so the
rolls out of his pocket and then it’s a stiletto death bitch bye bye - kaz? dying? all inej had to do was whisper “kaz, KRUGE” and he was up and running, fresh as a cucumber - inej’s parents see that her dream is to actually have her own ship and crew and help people who have to deal with assholes like jarl brum so they let her go and kaz goes with her under the pretext that he could get a lot of $$$$$ out of it - last scene is matthias perched on a hotel’s balcony and suddenly nina appears (turns out she got the wrong room) and it’s the happiest ever after
“Do you want kids?” Hunk asks suddenly, the curiosity weighing on him. It’s not like it matters, at least right now. It’s hard to raise a baby when you’re constantly preparing for battle. And even if they weren’t in the middle of an intergalactic war, they’re too young for kids.
But Hunk still wants to know. For the future. For if they ever make it back to earth. For if they ever win the war.
Keith is silent next to him, and Hunk sneaks a glance, noticing the way Keith’s eyebrows furrow together, like he’s considering it. Hunk waits, doesn’t say anything else, just watches while Keith works through his thoughts.
“I don’t know,” Keith answers finally, catching Hunk’s eyes. Hunk smiles, soft, and he reaches for Keith’s hand, running his thumb over it.
“I wanted kids, before everything happened. I wanted a family.”
“Do you not want that anymore?” Keith asks, and it sounds confused and… maybe a little sad.
“No I—I still want it,” Hunk tells him, “But who knows if we’ll ever get to go home. Who knows if we’ll ever get to even see the families we already have ever again, you know?”
Keith nods, and he looks sympathetic. “I don’t know if I’d be a good parent.”
“Keith,” Hunk says, and now he’s shaking his head. “Dude. Babe. You’d be an awesome parent.”
Keith’s lip pulls up, but he casts his eyes downward. “You don’t know that for sure.”
“You’d probably read them bed time stories before they went to bed,” Hunk says, smiling as he imagines it. “You’d make up stories about mothman.”
“I’m not making them up!” Keith cuts in, and Hunk’s smile grows.
Hunk does his best attempt at a Keith voice. “There once lived a prince named Mothman—”
Keith rolls his eyes, but he’s grinning. “I’d never lie about mothman.”
Hunk fakes seriousness. “But,” he makes a small gasping sound, “that’s not a lie, because he is a prince… the prince of your heart.”
“I hate you,” Keith says, smile wide and eyes shining.
“I love you,” Hunk says back, because it’s true, because it feels right, because he wants Keith to know.
Keith’s eyes widen, and his smile fades, and Hunk starts to worry that he’s said the wrong thing, but then Keith is leaning in and, “I love you too,” is whispered against his lips before they’re kissing.
He hopes that one day, he’ll get to start a family of his own.
people who come at the penumbra podcast claiming that it ‘fails to be as diverse as it pretends it is’ are kind of. missing the point, i think? the team are writing stories about people who don’t get to see themselves in stories otherwise, but there’s no way in hell they could write a single good story that perfectly represents every single person underneath this umbrella at once.
right now, the team is running a longform series about a black, nonbinary, bisexual man slowly learning to come to terms with his past and survive the mental illness that tells him all the good he accomplishes is worthless and all the bad that he sees is his fault. juno is the primary character in this series, and while there are countless other lgbt+ characters, characters of color, characters with traumas and characters with disabilities in this series, their stories are not front and center because the story is about juno steel. this is especially true given that juno has yet to overcome his tendency to paint himself as the hero or the villain, and always the center of attention. he’s selfish.
right now, the team is running a longform series about a whole slough of people who want to be knights and are constantly told they aren’t good enough. a man who uses a horse or crawls instead of walking. a woman who’s constantly belittled and underestimated by her peers because of her gender. a man who battles both anxiety and internalized homophobia. all of them manage to be some of the most competent and deadly fighters in the land. and presumably, there’s more about this group of people we don’t know yet. more people will get to see themselves represented in the second citadel stories, too, because of the ensemble cast.
in the past, the team has written a story about two women falling in love, one of whom was nonwhite and genderqueer. it’s not a longform series, but the arc of the story itself was over in one episode. the conflict was resolved. when stories last longer than their conflicts do they stop being good stories, generally
the team has spoken up saying that they can only be what they are. they won’t write stories that they don’t know how to tell well, because they’re dedicated to writing stories that constitute good representation, rather than token representation for its own sake. these stories can only be what they are, too. they can’t be every story at the same time
and i know it’s hard because there are so many different kinds of people who don’t have the chance to see themselves in stories, but speaking as someone who comes from both a privileged group and a disadvantaged one (ie a white nb lesbian): just because a story isn’t about you doesn’t mean that it isn’t important, or that it isn’t ‘diverse enough’
half the point of fandom is that we can fill in those gaps, if we want to, right? we can do a better job of allowing the writers to tell the story they’re working hard to tell right now, and if we have the time or energy, write some of the stories we want to see ourselves! or look for that content in another place! creators committed to this kind of diversity are few and far between, but there are more of them out there and maybe some of them are writing what you want to see right this minute
this ideological standard that a truly diverse story has to center around the whole spectrum of the human experience at once means that no story can ever measure up! and it’s harmful, especially when media that makes no claim of being diverse gets away with worse every day. above all, it belittles the amazing efforts this team have made to show people stories about themselves!
Anyway. Unfollow me if you support the exclusion of aces in LGBTQIA spaces. You’ve aligned yourself with the radfem, gold star lesbian, biphobe, racist white gay boy side of the community and I want you the fuck off my dash. Oh and feel free to message me so I can unfollow you too. Thanks.
The only thing I wish for is for happiness to come easy.
I wish I was like other people, and I could just get past the negative. I wouldn’t want to cry over the little things and I’d have the motivation to try in school. I’d laugh with my friends more and talk about nothing. But I’m so consumed in sadness that I can’t do anything, I’m just numb and I don’t have the energy to even try and fix it.
you tell me you love me and i laugh. this is not love, this is a power struggle. this is not love, this is a staring contest: i will not blink and you will not blink and we are left looking nowhere but at each other. clasped hands mean we’re grappling to see who ends up on top; lips on lips is a warzone, biowarfare with the chemistry between us. this is not love – it is murder.