havent posted myself in a while

nightmaredark0926  asked:

Soft brush rowl looking at stars? :'>

i think the best move i made this year as far as making external adjustments to my life is surrounding myself with people who like….genuinely feel good about themselves? like people who are sure of their positive strengths. not that they’re completely sure about what theyre doing and where theyre going in life but people who can say “i dont know what youre talking about, my outfit looks great today and i am living my full life so fuck you lmao”. i think that was realyl important for me to discover is that i needed to be around people who knew what they had to offer because now i actually see what i have to offer, you know? like i think saturday at todrick’s show kind of made me realize that. after being surrounded by so many people who were just trying to smile as much as possible in life and didnt give a single fuck about anyone who wasnt contributing to their happiness, i felt like ‘wow……..look at how great you can feel about yourself’. so i think that’s why such a large part of me is so grateful for having todrick and the whole atmosphere of his careless dancers and even the happy, genuinely caring fans who just know that haters dont mean shit and your worst thoughts about yourself aint shit either. it’s amazing. and honestly i think this has really had an affect on how this whole t&a situation is playing out fam. like after saturday ive just been like “lmao wow dude im like great af so like why am i so fixated on this low hanging fruit when i deserve so much better?” like he’s not a bad guy but………..,,,i shouldnt feel all of these random things all the time and having this constant uncertainty. he kind of makes my insecurities like bubble to the top in the worst way because he doesnt have to say anything to make me question myself. me not being able to read him is what fucks me up even though i can read him!! he’s too fucking mysterious and he doesnt make any fucking sense. i deserve someone who’s actually introspective and knows what they want and how to vocalize what’s going on with them even if they dont know. i cant force him to talk about shit because im not in the position to carry his emotional weight but still…..id at least like to not feel like im annoying the shit out of you when i ask you what’s on your mind. this is why ive taken a step back. i am great. i am self aware. i am caring and empathetic. i am creative. i am /somewhat/ intelligent. i am selfless as shit. i am vocal, though in unusual ways, i am expressive. i have scars but theyve made me more inclined to be someone for others that i knew i needed once upon a time. if you cant see how wicked i am and treat me like my feelings and concerns actually mean something then fuck you homie this is a big ass world and i have things to do. im not like mad at him or anything at all like no way. i just am tired of being so up and down about this whole situation when i know i really and truly shouldnt be. i dont deserve to be. id rather put him back at arm’s distance than let him keep making me soft and only letting me have designated parts of him………emotionally. because im that kind of friend. 

ok. i know no one cares and i dont expect anyone to and im sorry i keep posting like this. but i just feel so hopeless and depressed and just like a waste of a person and i cant believe im 22 and havent established a healthy social circle for myself and that im willingly allowing myself to suffer alone and that it will probably be this way until i die. and im gonna just shut up for a while bc using this blog as an outlet for my depression and loneliness just makes things worse honestly. it seems so transparent


i feel like i havent posted a selfie in a while, so here’s 3 at once !! lol the first is from the ariana grande concert i went to and i love it because i feel like i’m giving off iskra lawrence vibes and i love her, and the second two are from my prom this year and tbh the lighting was shit but i love them.and i like the last one because i went to take a pic but my friend made me laugh and i think the result is so cute:)

anonymous asked:

HEY JEN I CANT BELIEVE WE WERE BLESSED WITH A YOONGI SELFIE AND THAT JIMIN POSTED A PHOTO OF HIM TODAY I WANT TO FLING MYSELF OFF A BRIDGE BC HE IS SO CUTE I JUST REALLY LOVE YOONGI! How are you? :) also its been a 100 days of Dreamcatcher and i havent watched the vlive yet but they all look so so so cute!--crying 5 times



Originally posted by keepingupwithbts

YO its Asagao day, and I mean, I cant even info-dump but here’s what i know.

A super long time ago, after the kick-starter but before the game was released, I heard about it, was relatively semi interested (Oddly enough I think I was ready to sign up over Jon and Ian cameo) but I started trying out different youtubers from the game, just to see what their channels were like.

I fucking forgot about the game, m8.

I don’t even remember how I got reintroduced to it,(i think I had managed to catch a post or a reblog from the official tumblr) but I started to play it! Ofc my first route was hb bc I was a hb f o o l but then I got Satch!! And while I havent gotten all the endings (I have no intention or making myself get a bad ending) I really enjoyed the game!!

I also started watching some other youtbers play it, I think mainly Jirard/Alex, Jared/Heidi, pbg did it for a tiny bit, and I watched GT too, as well peeking out some of Continue’s run, and not only did I get to finally see people enjoy a game I personally had and enjoyed, I ended up meeting alot of rad people along the way!! The discord jung noots got me to speak up, and really treat myself every once in a while, what with self inserts and stuff, and most importantly to me, I got to write again.

I began writing, online in particular, back in 2006 I think?? And writing was all I can do- it was my escape. And though up until recently, I had been rping, that had been on a steady decline, and it wasn’t the same as writing something for someone, or getting feedback on what you wrote. Asagao single-handedly got me back into writing things for my enjoyment, whether it was self-insert, angsting to hell and back, or actually shipping satch with everyone, ironically or no.

Ive felt very welcomed in this fandom-type party and I don’t know what I would have done without asagao, tbh. Not having this much fun for sure. I love working on aus, getting asks, doing requests, all that junk, and I met some people that really helped me find stuff about myself that I honestly didnt know or hadnt thought about, and I super appreciate that.

I love u guys, seriously. Happy asagao day

Introduction post to the neotag

Hello! Im not new to the neotag ive been watching the neotag for  few months now and recently decided to expose myself, I havent done it sooner ‘cause im an anxious ball of anxiety sorry ;-;

My name’s Otaru and i have 5 loving neopets.My fav neopet is the ixi and i also like draiks, lupes(my frist neopet btw), aishas and many more
 i post lots of my own neopets related drawings or at least i try too hehe.

ive started playing neopets when i was 8 and been playing since on and off for years but now im 18 and addicted to it bc its stress releving to restock my shop and just playing it while having this cute community

hopefully ill make some friends that understand my love for neopets :>

and to finish do visit my shop for some great food ítems on my account Kyllah52 (yes im self advertising, 'cause my ixi demanded it, he works very hard as a shopkeeper)  :p