hey dads I accidentally hurt a good friend very badly and I'm really scared that I'm never going to change or do the same thing again because this has happened before in the past. is it really possible to outgrow hurting others intensely?
Hmmm. Well, to put it simply: yes. That said, I think you might be looking at this the wrong way, champ. Y’see, all people are individually capable of doing hurtful things. Sometimes we get scared and defensive, sometimes we act poorly because we ourselves are hurting. Sometimes we’re just bored. It’s not our intentions that matter, however- it’s how we behave once we have recognised that we are doing something wrong.
Now I think you’re a good kid. You’re clearly showing remorse for what you’ve done, which tells me one of two things: you have either done something wrong but understand that your actions, which have impacted another person negatively, need to change, or you have made a mistake and are now beating yourself up for it. Or both, really. Either way, it seems like you’re judging yourself pretty hard here, kiddo. Accepting yourself and your actions without judgement is exceptionally difficult when you feel you’ve done another person wrong, but unfortunately, it’s a big part of the healing process.
I feel like you’re focusing your energy on punishing yourself for what you’ve done. Obviously I could be wrong, but that’s what my dad senses are telling me right now. My advice would be to focus your energy on 1) understanding your actions for future improvement and 2) working on apologizing to the good friend that you feel you’ve hurt. Depending on what you’ve done, this may take awhile- and that’s okay! That’s more time for you to reflect and learn how to not make that mistake again! We all deserve the redemption that we are willing to work for, we just have to, y’know, work for it.
And if hurting others is a chronic problem for you? Consider seeking whatever professional help is available to you. In my experience, people very rarely act in hurtful ways without some reason or another. Remember how I said that you should focus on understanding your actions for future improvement? Finding out your reason is a big part of that, and may help learn to recognise when you are doing something that you believe will hurt another person.
This was a very long reply so I’m gonna stop here for now. Remember that we love you, remember that you’re still a good kid. Your dads believe in you and your ability to become the person you want to/ deserve to be!