Claire tossed the newspaper aside, sighing in frustration.
Joe had stuffed the copy in her locker, attached to a Post-It with a question mark and a heart drawn on it. It was a daily gossip rag, featuring a picture snapped at the restaurant before Christmas. Jamie was featured at an angle, smiling at Claire, and then a smaller picture beneath that showing Claire’s face for all to see.
The article labeled Claire as Jamie’s new squeeze (God, who even used that word?) and included accurate details of her work and past. She guessed it wasn’t that hard to Google. She ran a hand through her curls, and with the other clutched at the chain around her neck until she touched the ruby ring, for comfort.
She felt her privacy had been invaded, obviously, but also that protective bubble they had formed around them, separate from Jamie Fraser the rock star. This was reality seeping in. It was relatively harmless, but still…
The room was dark; a faraway streetlight cast a glow through the window so their features were faintly outlined. Jamie gave a brief laugh, and his hand never stopped tracing patterns on her back.
“I ken how ye feel. On the one hand, I would like nothing more than to stay wi’ ye. On the other, there’s the second thing l love most – music.”
“The second, huh?” Claire kissed his shoulder and snuggled in closer.
“The writing, composing, working with my mates… it’s such a part of who I am. I’m blessed many times over.”
Claire made a small noise of agreement and held him closer to her. There had been a couple more pictures Claire and Jamie walking around London. She had taken to wearing thick woolly scarves to wrap around the lower half of her face, obscuring most of it from view of the constant, clicking paparazzi.
Her flat and Jamie’s had become a sanctuary away from curious eyes who sometimes believed that because Jamie was a public figure, they were entitled to touch and scream at him. And that because Claire was dating him and therefore ‘hers’, she deserved vitriol and hatred.
Was he worth it too? The small inconveniences? Joe had had hospital security escort her as she left work. She plainly ignored the photographers who regularly camped outside her building. She refused to take calls from various morning shows who wanted to interview her or get her opinion on various celebrity topics. She got hate e-mail from spurious accounts and the occasional mean glare from random strange women.
“Call me when you land.” Claire swallowed against the lump in her throat as she gripped the front of his jacket.
“Ye ken I will, Sassenach.” Jamie wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his forehead against hers. “I’ll be back before ye notice. We’ll talk every day. We’ll both be busy as bees, and time will fly by. Dinna fash, alright?” He bent his mouth to hers and lost themselves in each other, ignoring the blaring airport announcements and the racket of other passengers awaiting flights.
Claire held him tight, a small thread of fear weaving into her heart. She didn’t know why she felt so emotional, so clingy – she who was usually so practical and sensible. Perhaps because her heart understood how much it stood to lose if Jamie ever left for good.
Jamie gave her discreet pat on the bottom, making her laugh, and the somber mood was broken. He kissed her nose with a whispered I love you and shouldered his carry-on backpack. Claire crossed her arms, holding herself as he walked down the gangway. Jamie turned and waved, then marched around the corner out of sight. Until three weeks.
“What makes it go faster, Sassenach, is that I had many song lyrics written down. We’re here fine-tuning and coming up wi’ music to accompany them,” Jamie said, his face crystal clear on the screen.
“I’m glad,” Claire replied, sipping her coffee one-handed as she held her phone to video chat with him; she was still in her robe and pajamas, enjoying a rare morning off from the hospital. “What else have you been doing?”
“No’ much. We’ve been out to dinner a few times, me and the lads, and yer friend Geillis and Rupert are really something, let me tell ye.” Jamie wrinkled his nose and laughed.
“I hear that too. She’s been texting me a lot the past week.” Geillis had been thrilled to be in the same city with Rupert for once, and both had been out and about frequently. Rupert was not as high profile as Jamie, so reporters and paparazzi seemed to leave them alone. Geillis had, however, been discussing Claire’s new public persona frequently via phone, asking her how she felt about it and offering much-needed reassurance.
“And ye, mo nighean donn?”
“Work. Study. Work. Study. Medical school is hard, but I love it,” Claire said happily, nestling into the corner of her couch. “I’m preparing for my next class this afternoon, and I have a lot of notes to go through.”
“Then I won’t keep ye. It’s good to see ye, hear yer voice. I miss ye. We’ll talk tonight, aye?” Jamie grabbed his own phone and seemed to be walking down a corridor. Claire recognized it from pictures as the recording studio.
“Of course. I look forward to it.” Claire smiled coyly and drew a finger down the edge of her robe, past the ring on its chain, following it with the camera on her phone until she heard Jamie gasp.
“So do I, Sassenach,” he growled as Claire pulled the phone up and blew him a kiss goodbye.
Claire was focused at the hospital that weekend, intent on helping out an immigrant family whose child had been admitted with a fever. They spoke little English, and Claire had made it her personal mission to help them navigate A&E and support them through this uncertain time.
She was nervous about an upcoming test in her biochemistry class, wanting to do well and prove herself to her professors. She was scheduling study time between her work hours and days off, even using her break time to peruse her textbooks and notes frequently.
So Claire didn’t notice the looks and whispers some of the other staff were giving her, particularly the female nurses. No one had spoken to her directly about any problem or incident, so she ignored it for the most part. Until Dr. Abernathy approached her at the end of her shift.
She wound around her neck a beautiful blue, red, and green tartan scarf; a gift from Jenny in Fraser colors. She was about to step outside when Joe called out.
“Lady Jane? Do you have a minute?”
“Sure,” Claire said, confused. “Is it a patient? Should I change again?”
“No, it’s—personal. Please, LJ, come with me.”
Claire was instantly alert, sensing tension in Joe’s tone. Perhaps she had made a mistake in one of her charts. She started going through a mental list of her patients and their care as she strode briskly next to Joe down the hall to his small office.
Dr. Abernathy let her in first and shut the door firmly behind him and sat in his swivel chair, facing Claire. She sat down herself and gripped her purse, still confused as to what was so urgent.
“Claire, I asked the staff not to mention anything since I overheard the talk in the hospital lounge, because I thought it would upset you,” he began.
“Upset me? About what?”
“I suppose you haven’t seen it. I’m sorry, Lady Jane.” Joe sighed.
Claire exhaled in a huff. “Joe, I don’t understand it. Seen what? All this drama—”
Dr. Abernathy reached into a drawer and pulled out a folded newspaper. He flattened it out with the briefest hesitation on the desktop so Claire could read it.
Jamie Fraser, lead singer of The Clan, caught in secret rendez-vous with famous French pop star Annalise de Marillac.
So after Juno Steel and the Train From Nowhere I was thinking about the names Peter choose for them, especially Juno’s, like ever name he choose had some meaning, right? Well looking into it I found this and I didn’t pay too much mind to the last meaning, but everything else was a spot on to Juno. Foreshadowing at its finest, huh? Well I just finished season one and lemme say, well done penumbra. Foreshadowing to the audience this subtle, I’m super impressed.
I’m here to give you a warning. Leave me and the people around me alone. And what if I don’t? If you don’t, I’ll come and find you, no matter where you may be. I’ll end our first encounter with just this warning but if I ever come to see you a second time, you will die.
Twelve Things They Won’t Tell You After Your First Heartbreak:
1. it will hurt the worst the morning after it happens. you will wake up, and have forgotten, and then you will remember. it will feel like you’ve experienced it all over again. it’s okay to cry as soon as you wake up in the morning.
2. the nights will be the hardest part. you may realize it when you wait for a call thats not coming or reach for him in your sleep, but the nights are when you will most evidently notice his absence. it’s okay to cry before you go to bed at night.
3. there will be days that you ache for him from the deepest part of yourself. you will call out his name in empty rooms and his voice will be stuck in your head for hours, no matter how much music you make yourself listen to. the important thing about these days is getting through them. you must learn to survive the ache so that when it leaves, you will not feel empty. when it leaves, you must be prepared to fill yourself up again.
4. it will not be like in the movies. you will not wake up someday and suddenly forget that you miss him. you will not realize that your “true love” actually lived next door the whole time. the hurting and the missing will not disappear overnight. your healing will be a slow, steady process.
5. the day that you accept the fact that he’s not going to take it all back is the day that you will start to feel free. you must be honest with yourself, and know that he’s not going to show up on your doorstep in the pouring rain, begging to have you back. even if there is hope for the two of you in the future, you cannot let that hope consume you. you cannot count on him to come back. if it is meant to be, it will be, but that doesn’t mean you have to wait on him.
6. it’s perfectly okay to miss him. in fact, you’re supposed to miss him. that’s how you know that you truly loved him. rather than letting your missing him make you upset, decide to use it as an opportunity to be thankful for the love that you got to experience. you are lucky to have gotten to experience something that is worth missing so much. acknowledge it.
7. if you loved him, and he loved you, you both were a part of something beautiful. regardless of the hurt that you are feeling now, remember that you both were lucky to love and be loved in the way that you were. be grateful for the beautiful, genuine love that you had. be excited about the next one.
8. your heartbreak will be unlike anyone else’s. don’t think that I’m telling you to ignore all of the advice that your friends give you. write all of it down; look over it every now and then. however, do not expect to experience this in the same way that any of your friends have. in the same way that your relationship was different from anyone else’s, your hurting, grieving, and healing process will be unique to you and you alone. let yourself learn how to get through this in the best way that you can, so you’ll be prepared for next time.
9. it will help you immensely to write everything down. prayers, song lyrics, poetry, letters to him, any tiny bits of progress that you make along the way. there will be words that swim inside your head for hours on end, and it is better to put them on paper than to let them crowd your mind for so long.
10. you don’t have to hate him. if you force yourself to hate him, knowing that deep down you still love him, all that will leave you with is bitterness. it would be unfair to the love that you once gave him to replace every happy memory with bitterness and regret. love is never something that you regret.
11. the hurt that you will feel will seem as big as the love that you had for him. this is not true. the hurt cannot compare to the love. do not forget this.
12. you will learn just as much from your first heartbreak as you do from your first love.and you will grow, as much as you let yourself. don’t lose sight of the beauty that comes with the love that you hold in your heart, and the hurt that you can’t help but feel. feel all of it as deeply as possible, and use the experience to flourish. you will get through this, and you will be stronger,
This episode in its entirety is so weird. The way the story is set up, with Alison asking a question, Charlotte answering it, and Ali moving on, just seems too formulaic. It’s a little too perfectly executed, with Ali knowing exactly what to say to keep the story moving…almost like it was rehearsed ahead of time.
Why does only Ali get to actually be in the room with Charlotte, interacting with her and questioning her? The others are relegated to a television screen far away, where they’re unable to do anything but silently observe. Why didn’t all six of them get to be in the room with Charlotte? Or why wasn’t Alison with the rest of the girls in the space lair? It seems convenient to me that Ali is the only one who actually gets to speak to Charlotte and question her. How would the story have changed if they were all there in the room? It wouldn’t have…except the other girls would have been able to question her and point out contradictions. And notice that Ali doesn’t call out any of her inconsistencies, including the big ones. Why is that?
So Alison and Charlotte were supposedly as close as could be, and yet Ali never thought to question why her best friend’s last name just happens to be the same as her mother’s maiden name? Sure, people can have the same surname, but it’s a bit of a stretch to think that she wouldn’t even comment on it or find it strange.
In her 4x24 tell-all, Alison claims that she could hear Jessica, clear as day, crying “what have you done?” to someone unknown as she was being buried alive. And yet she didn’t hear Charlotte, who was only sitting five feet away, sobbing and begging for forgiveness? How is that possible? There’s no way she could hear Jessica that clearly without at least being aware that someone else was talking as well. She has to be lying.
Going along with my theory that this whole episode is a big show that Ali and Charlotte are putting on for the girls, this scene seems fake as hell. Charlotte’s over dramatics when pushing the button, Ali’s lackluster protests, her weak reaction to the possibility of being blown up...are we seriously supposed to believe this is real? They’re both so clearly acting this whole time.
So Alison gives up leaving Rosewood, decides to stay in the town that she has only bad memories of, just so she can dedicate the next five years to taking care of Charlotte? That’s pretty damn forgiving, considering all of the terrible things Charlotte did to her and her friends. Has Ali really become with a forgiving, loving person, or is there another reason why she doesn’t seem to hold a grudge against A at all? Like, perhaps, because she was on her side the whole time?