have i mentioned that this is one of my favorite movies

cocked & loaded [dwayne johnson/vin diesel]

okay, so if i were to write the academy award-winning and world peace-establishing screenplay where Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson and Vin Diesel slowly fall in love, this is what it would look like:

  • vin and dwayne would be bitter Rival Agents for an intelligence agency. both would be up for a Big Promotion.  they would both be working together (but against each other) on something something black market mafia.  the mafia would be involved.  they would be VERY CLOSE to cracking this case.  
  • whoever cracks the case gets the promotion! because things like this are always very clear-cut in movies.  and whoever gets the promotion is the Better Agent, and it’s settled forever.
  • what they don’t expect is when they finally go in to make the Big Bust on The Family is that the Big Players will still be at large–and there will be a BABY.  
  • the baby will fall into agency custody, and will require surveillance in a remote safehouse.
  • “i need YOU TWO to pretend and be this baby’s GAY DADS to protect the baby and keep The Family off our tail while we close in on them,” says Head Intelligence Captain Lupita Nyong’o.  
  • dwayne and vin and baby are begrudgingly moved to a suburb of provincetown, massachusetts. cut to shot of a FOR SALE sign being pulled down, a ford fusion hybrid pulling up behind a moving van.  dwayne and vin step out.  they are both wearing muscle shirts and mirror-lensed aviators.  dwayne grabs a baby bag, throws it over his shoulder.  vin grabs the car seat out of the back, and both of them walk-slow motion up the side walk to their new 800k beach house.  
  • here’s what they expect: passive aggressive co-existence for a couple of weeks, where they try to be the Better Dad in a bid for the promotion they both want.  dwayne will go jogging with the baby every morning!! vin will wear her in a sling when he goes to the farmer’s market and smiles at the vendors while feeling up avocados and selecting fresh caught filets of fish!! 
  • here’s what they don’t expect: their next door neighbors are going to be Channing Tatum and Idris Elba and their five beautiful, interracial babies.  they are the perfect Gay Family, but “also,” dwayne says, pushing vin inside from where he’s been grilling steaks and drinking MILLER out of a CAN in broad daylight for the Real Gay Family to see and call over from their patio!!! “these guys are the REAL DEAL.  they’re gonna know something’s up!  i know we’ve had our beef, but we gotta step our game up and work together if we’re gonna make this operation work.”  
  • “you’re right,” vin says.  he’s nodding, looking at a ground, but then up and meeting dwayne’s gaze. “you’re RIGHT.” they’re gonna make this partnership work!!! they are going to be the BEST GAY DADS.
    • CUT TO: vin and dwayne staring at the king sized mattress in the master bedroom.  “i can just–” vin says, but dwayne grabs him by the shoulder and shakes it playfully.  “no man,” he says. “it’s all in or nothing.” 
    • CUT TO: them jogging together with baby playfully squealing from her stroller early in the morning.  
    • CUT TO: vin playfully feeding dwayne grapes at the farmer’s market.  “it’s all or nothing,” he repeats, raising his eyebrows (???? eyebrow folds? idk man). dwayne rolls his eyes and TAKES THE BITE.  
  • CUT TO: channing tatum in monogrammed shorts and pink polo and boat shoes on their front door step with one of his many perfect, precious toddlers on his shoulders, asking them to dinner.  “uh yeah,” dwayne says, cool as a cucumber. he’s not freaking out (he’s totally freaking out!!).  “we’ll bring the wine.”
  • “we’ll bring the wine?” vin repeats, in a hushed voice so the neighbors and baby don’t hear them fighting. “do you know anything about wine? they probably have a second house in france!  i haven’t had anything that didn’t come from a box since–since ever! what were you thinking?” “i panicked!  it seemed like the right thing to say!” 
    • TIRES SCREECH as the ford focus hybrid drifts into the whole foods parking lot.  
  • they show up out of breath, foreheads glistening, with baby in her favorite babybjorn, feet kicking from the day’s excitement of wine shopping.  vin, wheezing, passes a bottle of red and a bottle of white.
    • “oh, a chateau coutet barsac,” idris says with a chuckle, showing the label to channing. “remember that time–?” and oh my GOD, they have inside jokes!! 
    • (”we don’t have any inside jokes!!” dwayne whispers when they immediately excuse themselves halfway through a tour of the house. “that’s because you are the least funny person i know!” vin replies. “god, i hate you!!!” they both probably hiss at each other.)
  • the worst and best part of the night is when they’re serving the roast veg salad, and channing says with the best intentions, “so, how did you two meet?”
    • “uh,” vin says.
    • “the gym,” dwayne says. which, actually turns out to be true.  they look at each other, smile soft and genuine for once at each other, REMEMBERING. before they were BITTER RIVALS, they met at the academy gym and were GYM BUDDIES.  they used to have FUN trying to beat each other’s PR on the treadmill, they used to LOVE shit talking each other when they spotted each other bench pressing, they used to snap towels at each other’s asses in the locker room and totally not check each other out or anything!!! and then they were both accepted to the same position at work and they stopped being friendly for whatever reason.  they stop smiling, they look away from each other.  “anyway.”
    • “we met building houses for habitat for humanity,” idris offers, because of COURSE THEY DID.
  • the second worst part of the night is when channing mentions during the dessert course that two weeks from now is the annual May Day Homeowner’s Neighborhood Block Party Crab Cookoff, and maybe dwayne and vin would like to host to get to know everyone else in the neighborhood! 
  • vin has had like, three more glasses of wine than everyone else, and with aid of liquid confidence, shrugs his shoulders and leans back in his chair and says, “yeah, man, we’d love to.”
    • “’yeah, man, we’d love to?’” dwayne repeats when they’re walking home, baby asleep in her bjorn. 
    • “sorry, did you want me to give ourselves away? what happened to being the best? we’re trying to be believable!” 
    • “yeah,” dwayne says, watching vin strip off his shirt and pants and toss them over his shoulder into their spare hamper before crawling into their bed.  it’s routine.  they both have their sides of the bed.  “believable.”
    • the bedroom is quiet as they face away from each other at the edges of the mattress.  eventually dwayne asks, “do you remember why we stopped being friends?”
    • for a second he thinks maybe vin’s gone to sleep.  but he turns over.  “no,” he says.  “or yeah, maybe. as soon as i realized we would both be seeing action, it became too much of a risk.  friendship.  it was easier to lose you as a friend on my terms than lose you as a friend because you got your dumbass killed.”
    • they decide to be friends again.  you know, for the baby.  for work. whatever.  
  • they get so caught up in planning the May Day Homeowner’s Neighborhood Block Party Crab Cookoff, making inside jokes and ignoring the increasing casual physical intimacy between them that they don’t realize they are BEING WATCHED.
  • the mafia is HERE and they want their BABY and they want dwayne and vin DEAD.  
  • the M.D.H.N.B.P.C.C happens and everything is going according to plan, and they are about to have dwayne judge the bisque portion of the competition, but no one has seen dwayne anywhere!!!!
  • are there warehouses in provincetown??? is there a bad part of provincetown??? anyways, that’s probably where the mafia took dwayne.  vin is FREAKING OUT, how does he save dwayne??? how does he protect the baby, who they are using dwayne as ransom for??? who will judge the bisque portion of the crab cookoff???
  • idris puts a hand on his shoulder.  he’s been watching the entire time.  “i’ll take the baby into our panic room–” OF COURSE THEY HAVE A PANIC ROOM, “and channing will judge the bisque portion of the crab cookofff.  you go save your man.”
  • CUT TO: vin getting geared up to go out and kick some mafia ass, entering their walk-in closet and grabbing GUNS and a BULLET PROOF VEST and lacing up his L.L BEAN MEN’S GORETEX LEATHER BOOTS.  
  • vin takes out the entire warehouse-or-whatever of mafia lackeys and comes across dwayne tied up and blindfolded.
  • “who’s there!” dwayne demands, like he’s ready to fight despite himself.  vin takes three strong steps forward and grabs him by the back of the head and pulls him in for a kiss.  “guess who,” he replies.  dwayne smiles.
  • just then the Final Boss shows up as dwayne is being untied and like, something dramatic happens or whatever, but it’s okay.  they die or go to jail or something, it doesn’t really matter, because dwayne and vin are in LOVE and they’re gonna adopt the hell out of that baby.
  • CUT TO: a month later.  Head Intelligence Captain Lupita Nyong’o is disappointed when vin won’t accept his promotion.  
  • “i would,” he says, heavily decorated for saving dwayne in the field and taking down the mafia family.  “but the code of conduct says that it would be a conflict of interest if i was my husband’s supervisor.” BAM! THE END.  THEY’RE MARRIED.  WORLD PEACE UNLOCKED.   DONALD TRUMP IMPEACHED.  EVERYONE LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

chaotic--cosmos  asked:

Please talk about the mummy returns

pristinepastel said: Hey, i know you like the first mummy, but what about the mummy returns?

I HAVE RETURNED…after like a day. 

but what the people want, the people get!

RIGHT SO THE MUMMY RETURNS!

aka the only sequel that is 1000% just as good as the first one. like holy shit. 

ten years later and we meet our heroes again. rick and evie are happily married, going on adventures, and evie’s dream of becoming a respected scholar has come true and they’ve made a tiny human! 

the only unrealistic part being that they only had one kid, i mean they are still all over each other ten years later and you’re telling me they only had ONE kid.

okay. sure jan. 

but boy o’ boy is that one kid awesome! 

alex o’connell. this kid is literally:

  • 50% evie super-klutz-genius. 
  • 50% rick screams-at-things-that-are-illogical-to-scream-at. 
  • 50% uncle jonathan’s sheer dumb luck and wit. 
  • 10% i’m really bad at math. 

you get the point. HE’S GREAT. also the actor passed on harry potter because, JUST LIKE ME, the mummy 1999 was his favorite movie and he just HAD to be in the sequel. alex is just such a smart-ass little shit. that much like his mother, accidentally brings about the apocalypse by opening something he shouldn’t have:

Originally posted by rafikecoyote

ARDETH BAY TIME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. he has a much bigger role in this one. GOD BLESS. (because he was supposed to die in the first one, but test audiences loved him as much as we do, so they kept his fine ass around) he still looks prettier than everyone and is still so done with white people once again. 

*after almost being killed on he bus* “this was my first bus ride.”
*after realizing they’re gonna make him fly again* “why can’t you people ever keep your feet on the ground?”

he’s just such an awesome A+ friend goals, because while he probably needs to go be with other medjai to prepare for battle against anubis’ army (yikes), he stays with the fam to rescue alex. it wasn’t even much of a thought for him really, rick and evie just batted their eyelashes and he was like: *sighs* “these white people are always messing my shit up, but they are my white people.”

Originally posted by lestatscherie

jonathan: still beautifully the same as ever. witty, clever, and would do anything for his family. 

“be quiet alex! if there’s going to be any hysterics, they’ll come from me!”

“if you see anyone come running out screaming, it’s just me.”

when he boasts about being a good shot and ardeth is internally like “i’m gonna die.” THEN HE SAVES ARDETH. hell yeah.

Originally posted by aurhireactions

rick: he’s still screaming at things. BUT IN DAD MODE. he’s the ultimate dad.

“you, lighten up. you, big trouble. you, get in the car.”
*sweetly* “honey, what are you doing, these guys don’t use doors.”
“knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever you’re about to do to him, but this is my house and i have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment.”

Originally posted by lmhotep

evie: still a super-klutz nerd, but with C O N F I D E N C E. little baby librarian is now a honey badger of ASK ME IF I GIVE A FUCK! and also a re-incarnated princess

“no harm ever came from opening a chest.”

rick: “i swear that kid gets more and more like you every day.”
evelyn: “you mean more attractive, sweet and devilishly charming?”

Originally posted by a-ripley

we meet izzy, another one of rick’s ex boyfriends, who is a much more reliable mode of transportation than previously mentioned murder buses. 

imhotep: still emo. still wants to make out with his gf.

anck su namun/meela: hella good villain. she bomb af and 100% wants to take over the world. amazing. she actually has like a really cool role this time too!!! like so much screen time. 

Originally posted by marimoody

the rock…i mean the scorpion king, he’s another emo villain with goofy cgi rendering and like 4 million terrible made-for-TV spin off movies that you are lying if you haven’t watched at least one of them and felt that utter disappointment. but who cares the rock is pretty. and this was his first acting role and the reason we have him where he is today. 

thank you mummy returns for giving the world actor rock johnson #blessed

Originally posted by charmander-ann

THE ROMANCE AGAIN:

normal action movie sequel romance: same guy. different girl. repeat of first movie’s romance. hehehehhehehehhEHEHEHEHHEHH. 

not here bitch. 

rick and evie’s love has only grown stronger. they still bicker like old ladies at bingo night. the still look at each other like they hung the moon. they’re still disgusting jonathan because they CANNOT KEEP THEIR HANDS TO THEMSELVES. one kid my ass. they still support each other and protect each other like crazy. they love each other so much and it’s so healthy and pure and there is some good in this world mr. frodo.

Originally posted by yocalio

the bottom line here is. what’s the point of watching the mummy 1999 if you aren’t going to watch the mummy returns immediately after?

JUST DO IT.

Originally posted by mummymovies

the-queen-sees-all  asked:

I was wondering, what if Harry and Hermione had met before Hogwarts?

The first time Harry Potter met Hermione Granger, she was standing with her chin up and her hands on her hips a few paces from the old olive tree in the schoolyard, glaring into the far distance. The wind was trying to twist and buffet her hair into her face, but mostly it was just tangling cheerfully with itself.

Dudley and Piers were busy kicking all the other kids off the play structure, so Harry had retreated out into the grass. He stood a safe distance from the weird girl who was pretending to be a statue and thought wistfully of lunch.

“There’s a fallen bird’s nest,” the girl said in a rapid and certain tumble of syllables. “The boys knocked it out of the tree, but I chased them off and I’m hoping the mama bird comes back. I’m Hermione Granger. We just moved here.”

“Harry,” he said.

“How’d you get that scar?” she said.

“Car accident.”

“That’s a weird scar for a car accident.”

Harry shrugged. “It killed my parents.”

She blinked quickly at him and even at that distance he wished vaguely that she wore glasses, too, because her gaze was something that really felt like it should have some built-in bluntedness. “Mine are dentists. Mum’s taking me to the library after school, want to come?”

-

Before they went into Diagon Alley, Harry asked Hagrid if they could find a payphone. Hermione picked up on the first ring.

“Harry! Where have you been? I’ve been trying and trying to call–”

“Sorry, yeah. Um, so, I’m not coming back to school next year, I…” Harry drifted off, staring at Hagrid’s massive moleskin shoulders. The giant man saw him looking and gave him a tentatively cheerful little wave. “It’s been weird, Herm.” He pressed his forehead into the phone stand, but not too hard. “I think you’re the only thing I’m really going to miss.”

“Harry,” Hermione said and Harry started to frown, because that wasn’t her stern and startled voice. That was the voice that meant she was off down a charging war path of other thought and might not have heard him at all. “I’ve been reading.”

“Of course you’ve been reading,” he said. “I’ve been being forcibly hidden from a swarm of post office owls–”

“You’re in books,” she said in breathless delight, squeaking over the telephone line. “First thing we did, of course, after the professor explained, was get her to escort us to a bookstore– a whole bibliography, Harry, a whole world’s bibliography I haven’t even touched– how am I ever going to–” She took in a little calming breath, and murmured, “Different infinities, it’s okay, Hermione, okay.” A sharp exhale and then she tumbled right back into her rushing rivelet of a sentence. “And I picked up a good dozen, besides the school books, of course, and Harry, you’re in books, in Dark Wizardwork of This Century and A Modern Wizards’ History and October’s End: A Biography–”

“Hermione,” said Harry with slow enunciation. “Are you a wizard, too?”

“A witch, I think,” she said. “But I’m still reading up on the sociology of it all.”

-

Hagrid wouldn’t say Voldemort’s name, but Hermione would. She came over with a stack of books up to her chin, gave the Dursleys her normal pointed little stare that said she’d like to set them a little on fire, and curled up in his cupboard with him.

He supposed she probably could learn how to set them on fire, now, if she really wanted to.

She gave him passages and excerpts with his name in them, with his parents’ names, a home he hadn’t known. There were pictures of a ruined house with the smoke drifting in little curls of ink. There was his mother, smiling and waving in black and white. There was his mother, laid out on the floor, with a sober little caption below it. That picture was still, except for curtains fluttering in the window.

Hermione finally dragged her face far enough up from the pages to see Harry holding his own hand very tightly, and then she closed the book and reached for one about which magical creatures you should pet and which you shouldn’t.

“Sorry,” she said.

“I wanted to know.”

“I’m still sorry.”

-

The Grangers drove Harry, Hermione, Hedwig, and their trunks to King’s Cross Station. Mrs. Granger kissed the top of Hermione’s head while Mr. Granger mussed Harry’s mop of dark hair affectionately, and then they swapped children and repeated the treatment. Hermione pushed her hair back out of her face and marched them all to Platform 9 ¾, the entrance mechanism of which she had read all about.

“Before you go,” Mrs. Granger said, “let’s buy you some sandwiches? I don’t know what sort of food they’ll have past that–”

“There’s a trolley,” Hermione said, but her parents dragged them off to a snack kiosk anyway, Harry happily in tow.

As they were on Hermione’s tight schedule, there were plenty of compartments open, and they took one all to themselves– well, to themselves, Hedwig, and Hermione’s books, which took up two seats. (Harry would wheedle Hagrid into taking him to Diagon Alley for Christmas shopping that year, where he would get Hermione a carry-all bag for her small personal library.)

Hermione took a long preparatory breath while Harry unwrapped his sandwich. “Harry? What if I go and sit down under the Hat and I just sit and sit there, and then it says I’m not a witch at all?” Hermione said, the words getting more squashed together and higher-pitched as she went. “I’m not magic, it just got confused, and they send me home? Harry, I don’t want to be a dentist. Other people’s mouths are disgusting–”

“You’re not going to get kicked out,” Harry said, chewing amiably on his sandwich. It was not good, but the Dursleys hadn’t bothered with any breakfast for him and he hadn’t wanted to bother the Grangers about it either. It was a bit dry on the way down, but it settled warmly in his belly.

“But what if I do?”

“I’ll stage a protest,” said Harry. “Refuse to do my homework til they reinstate you.”

“You’re not going to do your homework anyway.”

“See how dedicated I am to you.”

She made a dismissive little noise at him, wringing her hands in her lap.

“Hermione,” he said, and she lifted her bush of hair to look at him. “You’re the most magical person I know. It’s gonna be alright.”

She gave a long slow blink but whatever she might have said was interrupted by an uneven knock at the door. “Um,” said the pudgy boy standing there. “I’ve lost my toad.”

Hermione leapt to her feet. “Where did you see him last?”

Harry followed in the wake of her forward charge, but he brought the rest of his sandwich with him.

-

(Harry did not know this and would not know this until Mrs. Granger mentioned it casually over a Christmas dinner years and years later– but she and Mr. Granger reported the Dursleys for child abuse and neglect, over and over.

The reports got lost– minds scrubbed down, papers vanished– but they kept calling in reports. They considered kidnapping. They couldn’t imagine why the wizarding world might want to keep their chosen one somewhere so toxic, why they might want to keep this underfed child and his messy hair with those people.

“My mother left me a blood protection spell,” said Harry, whose scar had not ached in years. He poked at his mashed potatoes under the focused attention of Mrs. Granger’s stern little forehead wrinkle. “I had to live with family, blood family.”

“Then they should have made them treat you right,” Mrs. Granger said, as though it was that simple.

Mr. Granger gave Harry another helping of peas.)

-

On the steps of Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy thrust out his hand to the Boy Who Lived, who surveyed the open palm with amusement. “Thanks,” said Harry. “But I think I can tell the wrong sort for myself.”

The redheaded, freckly, hand-me-down clothes boy Malfoy had been bothering snorted. Harry slipped his hands into his pockets.

“You’re the kid with the rat from the train,” Hermione said. “And the spell that didn’t work.”

“It was a cool rhyme anyway, though,” Harry said. “Hi, I’m Harry, this is Hermione.”

“Yeah, she said, then. I’m Ron– uh, Ron Weasley.”

“Yeah, he said,” Harry said, rolling his eyes Malfoy’s direction. “Come on, you wanna stand with us? Hermione will tell you about the ceiling.”

“It’s enchanted!” said Hermione.

-

When Hermione founded SPHEW, Harry was not surprised. He had spent too many schoolyard days escorting spiders to safe spaces, keeping vigil over fallen bird’s nests, and watching Hermione stand up on her desk chair in heated pitched verbal battles with teachers. She’d driven at least two teachers to tears and taught most of them at least a few new vocabulary words.

-

Over summers and holidays, Harry and Hermione took Ron to the movies, to the seashore, to Hermione’s top three favorite libraries. Hermione’s Aunt Meg taught them how to whittle under a cloud of cigarette smoke that clung to Harry’s hair until he washed it out.

In this life, there were things in the Muggle world that Harry missed, that he wanted to see again. He loved Hogwarts, and he nominally went home to the Dursleys each summer, but he knew he always had a bed at the Grangers’. He knew the weird system they used to organize the books on their shelves. He’d pass Mrs. Granger the marmalade in mornings before she had to ask. He got free dental check-ups all his life, which was good because the Dursleys rarely bothered taking him into the dentist.

The whole Granger family tore apart newspapers every morning, calling article excerpts across the table and pointing each other to their favorite journalists. Before Hermione even first stepped onto Hogwarts grounds she got a subscription to the Daily Prophet. During Harry’s fourth year, Mr. and Mrs. Granger got Arthur Weasley to buy them an owl and then began an unending campaign of furious letters to the editor that never got published.

-

In a crumbling boat shed, Severus Snape died, but first he pressed a shining bundle of memory into Harry’s hands.

The fight was still going– Neville newly broad and certain; Luna whipping out quiet, barbed little curses; Ginny charging like an army in and of herself. Hermione had her arms full of basilisk fangs. Ron was moving people like bishops and knights. But Harry had a long damp walk before him, so he had time to wade through that life not his own.

Severus had been a lot of things– one of them was in love. Harry dragged his feet through forest mulch, seeing a little redheaded girl in sunlight, hands not his own offering her transformed flowers. It had been just them for so long. For Severus, for so long, there had been no one but him and Lily.

Even in Hogwarts, Severus had drifted through the classrooms and common room and library. He had believed in magic, in the cool slide of good knives through dried roots, and in Lily– always, always in Lily– Lily in sunlight, Lily chewing on her thumbnail over Transfiguration homework, Lily flicking soapsuds at him in her kitchen at home over summer, Lily pig-tailed and seven, wide-eyed as he showed her the first magic she’d ever seen, a leaf to a flower, a bit of sunlight to a bit of fire.

He had loved, and it had been a real thing. He had fucked up, and it had been a real thing, that heartbreak, that regret.

When Harry turned the Stone in his hand and saw his mother step into pseudo-life in that forest clearing, he thought I wish I’d known you. He thought about how she was in sepia and gray, here, just like in the pictures in the pages of Hermione’s books.

But he was also thinking about Severus. He was remembering Lily in sunlight, remembering her walking away, remembering her in that same cold photographed sprawl but in color–in grief–in bruised knees and heaving gasps.

Severus had been the first to find Lily’s body and it had felt like someone had cut the sunlight out of him. Harry was living through that grief, but he was also living through the wail of the child crying unacknowledged. His tiny pudgy hands were wrapped around the guardrail of his crib.

Harry was thinking about a girl standing in a field like a statue, hands on hips. He was thinking about Hermione’s raised hand ignored in Potions, or the way Snape had sneered that he didn’t see a difference in her cursed teeth. Love had made him brave, perhaps. It had killed him, but it had not made Severus good.

Harry wondered if his mother would have escorted spiders to safe places, if she would have stood guard over fallen bird’s nests, if she had worried herself to pieces that first time on the Hogwarts Express about the Hat telling her she didn’t really belong.

“I wish I’d known you,” he told the specter of Lily Potter. He held his own hands tight.

For Harry, for so long, there had been no one but him and Hermione. Even in Hogwarts, there were things only she would understand– parking meters, the cobweb ceiling of his cupboard, the silence of marmalade at breakfast. Harry believed in magic and he believed Hermione Granger was the most magical thing he knew.

“They’ll be alright,” he said. “I’ll be alright. I was alright, mum. I wish I’d known you– but I wasn’t alone.” He squeezed his hands tighter– Hermione showing him her favorite spots in her favorite libraries; Ron shyly showing them the Burrow like it was anything less than a magnificent masterpiece of warm rooms and patchwork architecture; Hermione standing in the field like a statue, bushy-haired and seven years old, jaw set. “She wasn’t alone, either,” he said. “And she’ll be alright. Ron will be alright. I have to do this, don’t I?”

“We are so proud of you,” Lily said.

“Thanks,” said Harry. “Sorry,” said Harry, and wondered if Hermione was going to be able to read the little passages and excerpts with his name in them, with those un-moving pictures and the sober captions underneath.

He dropped the Stone.

-

When Harry Potter died for the first time, crumpled in forest mulch, he didn’t go to a squeaky clean King’s Cross Station. There were no crescent moon glasses to twinkle kindly at him.

He stood under an old olive tree and a little girl looked up at him with those eyes that needed shielding, needed blunting, needed a manufacturer’s warning. “A wind’s coming,” she said. “You can just go. It will be easy.”

He stood outside Diagon Alley, a Muggle payphone tucked between his shoulder and ear. “You’re in books,” she said, with a breathlessness he’d barely heard for years. There had been too much weight on his shoulders, on hers. “You’re done,” she said. “You’ve done enough. Go on, tap three bricks up and two to the left.”

He stood in Godric’s Hollow, in the snow, holding her hand, looking at the ruined house. “You should have had this,” she said. She was seven and small, not nineteen and weary like she had been in life. The sky was overcast but there was sunlight glinting in her hair. “You can still have this. You can have everything.”

“You’re not real,” Harry said.

“But you are,” she said. “There’s a wind coming. It will be easy.”

“You’ve never done anything easy in your life,” he said.

She took both his hands– hers were so small against his grown fingers, his broad palms, and how had they done everything with hands that small? Basilisks and werewolves; shouting down teachers from atop desk chairs.

Harry was sitting in his cupboard in the light of its single bulb and he was too big for this space, his shoulders curling forward, his head bowing. She was standing there with sunlight still in her hair and her arms piled high with books. “You don’t belong here,” she said. “It will hurt. You won’t fit, if you go back. Everything can be easy. Everything can be fine. It doesn’t have to hurt, ever again.”

“Hermione,” he said and leaned forward, put his hands on her hands where they were gripping her books. “It’ll be alright.” He smiled and she was staring at him with those eyes, those goddamn eyes. “We never fit, remember?”

“We tried,” she said and Harry squeezed her small hands gently.

“Send me back,” he said. “I want to go home.”

-

After the battle, as Hogwarts rang with frantic healing, crushing grief, and raging celebration, the three of them retreated to the library. Hermione hauled them down narrow aisles until she found her favorite tucked-away nook and they all collapsed on sagging sofas that seemed to not have been touched at all by the war.

“Well,” said Hermione. “What now?”

Ron let his head flop back against the seat, hair tumbling all over his pale forehead. “I’m going to nap,” he said. “For a month.”

“That’s not physiologically possible,” said Hermione. “Or if it is, then it’d be a coma.”

“It’s a metaphor,” Ron said, then: “no, wait, a hyperbole.” Hermione beamed at him. He blushed a little and elbowed her gently.

“After this, you’ll be in books, you know,” Harry told her.

“Not– I mean–” Hermione rubbed at her nose furiously. Ron laughed enough to wake up and sit up, throwing an arm around her shoulders.

While Ron came up with outlandish titles for Hermione’s eventual many biographies, Harry pulled his feet up onto the sofa. He watched the candles float quietly between the shelves.

5 Reason’s Why Supernatural is the Gayest Show on Television (That’s Still Stuck in the Closet)

To start with, I’m not delusional.  I’m fully aware that the studio and execs have settled into a comfortable pattern with Supernatural, and especially considering it’s heavily mixed demographic (interestingly, it was ranked a favorite among republicans and democrats in 2016) they’re unlikely to rock the ship with a canonically queer relationship between two of it’s main characters.  

However, it’s important to understand exactly how much queerness is bubbling beneath the thick surface layer of “no homo:”  from the orgies of male-on-male eyesex to the inspiration for most of its main characters, Supernatural is queer to its very core. 

Here are five (blaring but stubbornly unacknowledged) reasons why:


1.  Dean’s gratuitously bisexual inspiration. 

Whenever someone claims a queer interpretation of Dean is baseless, I’m always happy to direct them straight to his flamingly bisexual source:  Dean Moriarty, his namesake and direct inspiration, a la the novel On the Road.  

Admittedly, I read On the Road and didn’t particularly enjoy it, as I found it to be a somewhat masturbatory reassertion of masculinity for its narrator, Sal Paradise.  Sal idolizes and fixates the charismatic Dean and his promiscuous lifestyle, openly having sex with and impregnating multiple women, and is all around a heterosexual power figure…right up until the point at which Dean propositions a male prostitute.  

Though he’s never shown doing anything gratuitous with male characters (since the book was published in the 1960s, it wouldn’t have been legal to) it’s clear that Dean is very much bisexual, not ashamed of it, and in terms of personality, very similar to Dean.  There are a few key differences (Dean Moriarty, for example, legitimately gives zero fucks about anything, whereas Dean Winchester is secretly a little ball of anxiety with the weight of the world on his shoulders) but it’s clear where Eric Kripke got his inspiration from.

Moreover, Dean Moriarty was in turn based off of the real life bisexual counterculturist Neal Cassady, who among other things had a twenty-year sexual relationship with a male poet.  Here, he is pictured in a Denver mugshot: 

So next time someone tells you the homoerotic subtext of Supernatural exists only in the imagination of rabid fangirls, remember that Dean is the direct descendant of two ragingly bisexual icons.

2.  Castiel (or at least his wardrobe) was also based off of a bisexual character.

For a show so aggressively devoted to a “no homo” interpretation, it has a real propensity to drawing inspiration from queer characters:  everyone’s favorite baby in a trench coat, for example, was modeled after the demon-busting John Constantine from the Hellblazer comics.  Yup, another bisexual.   

Though in true assbutt fashion, his love of men is censored in movie and TV adaptions, Constantine unabashedly swings both ways in paper form – a.k.a. where Kripke found inspiration for Castiel’s look.  Here, we see him platonically receiving a man-hug from one of his bros:

So I’m not saying the fact that two out of three main characters are modeled after canonically queer figures could have anything to do with Supernatural’s gratuitous queer subtext, but y’know.  It might.

3.  Cas himself is sexually complex (and literally cannot be straight.) 

Dean has made reference to the fact that he “doesn’t swing that way” (ironically, both of which times he was literally in the midst of blatantly flirting with men.)  

Cas, however, has no such reservations:  he’s never indicated, vocally or otherwise, a preference towards either gender, so much as outright declaring that he doesn’t give a damn.  

He reacts to male and female flirtation much the same way:  just try and tell me his suspicious glower and Mick wasn’t similar to Mandy the waitress (and try and tell me they both weren’t acting like they’d like to eat him for dinner.)

Moreover, the only time we’ve seen him ever achieve some kind of intimacy with female characters is when they’re literally throwing themselves at him.  Hey, he’s an aesthetically pleasing fellow – or rather, an aesthetically pleasing something.  

Which brings me to my next point that he isn’t really a fellow at all:  Cas not only gives zero fucks about sexual orientation, he also gives zero fucks about gender.  Sure, he’ll spend seven years in the same ill-fitting trench coat, but he’ll also rock a petticoat like nobody’s business.

I’ve discovered that the writer for “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets,” Steve Yockey, is a gay man, which honestly makes it all the more perfect:  not only does it establish the Orlando-esque flexibility (or nonexistence) of Cas’s gender, but it eliminates the possibility of his straightness.  

And I want Destiel to be canon as much as anybody, but am I opposed to Cas being a genderfluid lesbian?  No.  No, I am not.    

4.  Dean can textually be interpreted as bisexual (and probably should be.)

For anyone who questions whether Dean not being straight as an arrow, I’m happy to point out some very canon things that happened on the show:

(Examples courtesy of @some-people-call-it-tragic!)

And yes, when feeling threatened, he’s professed not to swing that way.  But you know how many queer people I know who have at one point felt compelled to lie about our sexual orientation?  Every single one.  And I live in the bluest of blue states – Dean was raised in Bible Belt America and spends most of his time in the Southwest.  Not to mention the fact that he was raised during the heat of the AIDS academic.

In other words, he has every logical reason to be wary at the prospect of coming out of the closet, or even acknowledging same sex attraction at all.

Moreover it’s been canonically established that Dean has a habit of lying about himself to protect his image of masculinity:  according to Dean, he doesn’t do shorts, chick flicks, cucumber water, skinny jeans and sunglasses, and Taylor Swift music.  You know how many of those things he loves?  All of them

Finally, not every member of the cast or crew might agree (though I know for a fact that some of them do) but their interpretations do not effect textuality.  And Dean can textually be interpreted as bisexual.  

5.  Dean and Cas make a better couple than any of their love interests.

I’m going to state something I feel is obvious:  Cas and Dean have more buildup, tension, chemistry, emotional connection, and romantic history than literally any of their other interests.  

Take Lisa, for example:  she’s Dean’s longest lasting introduced as female partner, and she’s introduced as the “bendiest weekend of his life.”  

Furthermore, I’d argue that sexual attraction notwithstanding, Dean was never romantically in love with Lisa.  To him, she epitomizes his desire for a mother figure, a home, and his lost childhood, as is best demonstrated in his fantasy from “Dream a Little Dream of Me:”  Lisa isn’t a seductive or romantic figure here – she’s a maternal one. 

Though since Dean has never had a long lasting relationship (or, to my belief, been completely in love with a girl) it’s easy to see how he’d misinterpret these feelings as romantic love. 

Then we have Cas, who’s introduced by pulling Dean from the depths of hell, who makes most one-on-one scenes with Dean look like a soft core porno, and who recently (canonically!) declared his love for Dean.  

I don’t dislike Lisa, but it’s easy to see which of the two relationships is more three-dimensional, more original, and more worthy of screentime.

My experience with the signs in my life
  • Aries female: so stubborn is incredible. A hot head. She knows what she wants and she'll get it. Yells a lot. Cares a lot about her family. Very concerned about her diet. She looks like a cinnamon roll but is a beast inside.
  • Aries male : very intelligent, probably the most intelligent. Can either have a very scientific mind or a very literary mind. Loves to read. LOVES to make puns. Horrible ones. Has the biggest laugh.
  • Taurus female: MY BIGGEST LOVE. Literally the cutest thing. She is so smart and caring and it's true: she loves to eat. Cares so much about everyone, not only her close friends. She almost never get angry but when she does. Ouch.
  • Taurus male: a cutie. Always ready to cheer you up. DOES NOT. BELIEVE. IN. ASTROLOGY. Likes scientific shit. Loves old movies. Always laughs at your jokes. The best friend you can find. Loves Shrek.
  • Gemini female: so strong and independent. Her hair is always on point, so is her outfit. Either very tall or very short. They talk a lot and they love listening to you. Geminis are actually very lovable people. Best companion for a boring class or for lunch break.
  • Gemini male: very bold and confident about himself. Does his own thing. It's not that he is a dick, it's just that he has his own problems to take care of. Except Trump, Trumps is really a dick. Im sorry Geminis that he is in your sign. The cool guy of the class who has a different girl every week. A lil fuckboy but fun to have a chat with. Loves videogames and perfect pal to get drunk with.
  • Cancer female: not a crybaby. Actually HATES to cry in public. More often than you think, very extroverted. Very passionate about what she loves. High ambitions, starts many things and then get bored. So many puns oh god.
  • Cancer male: oh boy. "Nightmare dressed as a daydream". Makes you feel so special. Boyfriend material. Usually dark hair and dark eyes. Not very tall. Adorable. Special laugh. Will do great things in life. Very creative but kinda introvert(?) WILL RATHER DIE THAN CRY IN PUBLIC.
  • Leo female: very close about her private things but she will open up if you demonstrate her she can trust you. Loves everyone. Not that confident about herself. Very confident about the world, tho. Wants to move someplace else and experience. People respect her.
  • Leo male: Stonehead™. Literally smokes all the time to forget about the pain he feels. Hides emotions and then explodes, usually with rage. Either very close to you that he calls you every day, or he'll completely ignore you. Smart even tho it doesn't look like. The lonely wolf.
  • Virgo female: so stubborn and independent. She knows what she wants and she'll get it. Can get very clingy to the people she loves but sometimes neglect other people she loves even tho she doesn't notice. Get mad easily for the little things. The queen. Just listen to her, she knows the shit.
  • Virgo male: cute but doesn't have his own personality. Sometimes gets involved in ugly companies and does things he doesn't want to. Very sensitive but tries to hide it. Actually cares about you even tho he wants to appear a tough boy. Pretends he doesn't care about school, ends up with all A. Probably very good at soccer.
  • Libra female: becomes part of your family if she isn't already. Amazing lipsticks. Always has great stories to tell. Lives in the clouds. Forgets about things easily but won't forget the important things. Has so many passions but get easily distracted when she is studying for an exam. Perfect person to binge watch Sherlock with.
  • Libra male: my everything. Pretends he's a gryffindor but deep down is a slytherin. Stunning. Gets high grade without doing shit. The teacher favorite. The one you can do stupid shit with. Will do anything for you. Listens to you 24/7. Loves tv shows. Very smart. Will probably end up doing something very important. Perfect dad.
  • Scorpio female: actually very sweet and caring, as much as cancer. Never shows off her emotions but you'll know when she cares about you. She's like a mama bear. She'll call you if she feels you are not happy. She'll call you constantly. Extroverted and kind. Best presents ever. Looks naive but very cautious.
  • Scorpio male: ok so my ex fwb was a scorpio and i gotta say they get emotionally attached. Pretend they don't care AT ALL and then calls u at 2 in the morning telling u they love you. Just be careful cause they don't know what they want. Obsessed with electronic things and sex.
  • Sagittarius female: literally on fire. SHE. TALKS. SO. MUCH. I have so many different feelings about her. Either i love completely or I can't stand her. She pretends she knows everything. She's so slow at doing everything, except talking. Laughs a lot. Very sensitive deep down. So loud.
  • Sagittarius male: Pretty introverted. The fire is hidden. He's a freaking badass. If he cares about you, he will show you. Most likely to call you at midnight for your birthday. Very sweet. Goes big or goes home, especially in love. Both a cinnamon and a sinnamon roll. Like if he ain't in the same political party as you, just don't mention politics. That's when the fire shows.
  • Capricorn female: so. she actually cares about you. but she has so much shit going on so she might forget to come at a place you invited her, she won't even apologize but when something happens to you, be sure she'll call. She's absolutely cute and she has been hurt so many times so it's hard for her to trust people completely.
  • Capricorn male: THE FUCKING FANBOY. He loves to travel and to try new things. He is so shy but with his friends he's crazy. Laughs at his own jokes. Extremely sensitive and when he loves, he loves hard. So intelligent and interesting. Absolutely adorable.
  • Aquarius female: the sweetest. she gets clingy to everyone but because she wants to have friends and do things and has a lot of problems but holds everything in and puts her friends first and she's hurt. The most precious human. She needs, she deserves to be loved the most. Learns very quickly and she's very honest.
  • Aquarius male: the devil™. Actually he is funny, like so many jokes, but sometimes it's just too much. He hates when people offend him. Gets on the defensive. Kinda selfish and cares a lot about like 3 people (?). Like he will kill for them. So much drama, boy. Probably failed history and algebra 2 twice.
  • Pisces female: such a badass and a cutiepie at the same time i don't even know how this is possible. she has such a strong personality and loves her friends. Determined and will fight with her teeth for what she loves. You need to have a pisces in your life. She always says she will kill a person but then she just like run away.
  • Pisces male: like just like the pisces female. Cares so much about his family and shows his emotions easily, whether is anger or sadness or happiness. Determined but also insecure about himself, but will do great things.
peter parker is a Clingy boyfriend

hi i know there are 4000 of these and i already wrote one but i need to scream about clingy!peter so here it is folks enjoy this long ass post lmfao!

  • LISTEN TO ME PETER PARKER IS THE CLINGIEST BOY YOU WILL EVER MEET
  • cuddling is intense because that boy will cling to you like a goddamn koala
  • omg his favorite is when you’re laying down and he’s resting his head on your chest and you’re playing with his hair all softly
  • he doesn’t even care that you’re totally messing it up because it feels so good
  • this boy is deadass like a little kitten
  • he will lean into your touch subconsciously like if u put your hand on the side of his face while you’re cleaning him up after his spiderly duties

Keep reading

Okay but what about the Avengers all being trapped by the Bad Guy and the Bad Guy is cackling about how he’s going to make them show each other their greatest fears and he points his Truth Ray at Tony and says, “We’ll start with the Merchant of Death. What do you fear, Tony Stark?” And the others are terrified because Tony’s face is stricken and then his shoulders hunch and he’s biting his lips against the words. What is Tony going to say? What horrible thing are they going to learn about him?

“Geese,” Tony says miserably. “I’m afraid of geese.”

Everyone has to just… stop for a second, even Bad Guy, and stare at him. Tony’s all flushed and embarrassed. “Geese?” Bucky whispers in disbelief.

“And I’m scared of water, and the dark, and I’m scared that someone will see me watching videos of kittens when I’m drunk and crying because I can’t protect all of them,” Tony continues, covering his face in humiliation. “I’m scared I’ll never be out of my father’s shadow and I’m scared of big dogs and little dogs but not medium dogs and I’m afraid to admit that Pepper’s schnauzer terrifies me.”

Steve turns to look at Bad Guy awkwardly. “Erm. This. This isn’t. Working. I think.”

“I’m scared of being handed things and Dum-E getting hurt and people finding out that Enchanted is my favorite Disney movie. I’m scared of losing everyone I love but I’m also scared that the reason I’ll lose them is because I’m too needy. I’m scared Natasha will get mad when I tell her that her sangria sucks because she doesn’t put enough pineapple in it. I’m scared—”

Bad Guy awkwardly turns his Truth Ray off. “Um.”

“My heart,” Clint says, clutching his chest. “He’s afraid we’ll judge him for liking Enchanted instead of the fact that he cries over kittens.”

“…Well we’ll just have to see what you think about the Hulk’s fears!” Bad Guy begins, but Thor punches him in the face and knocks him out.

“You couldn’t have done that earlier?” Tony asks him miserably.

Natasha begins marching toward him. Tony screams when she lunges for him but she just clutches him to his chest. “You stupid, precious idiot,” she hisses. “You only needed to ask for more pineapple. I would have put it in.”

“Um,” Steve begins awkwardly, but Natasha extends her hand to hold up a finger telling him to wait. “No. It’s my moment with Tony. I got here first.”

“Okay but no one is mentioning that the first thing he said was geese?” Bucky asks. Bruce punches him in the flesh arm probably harder than necessary.

OKAY KIDS LEMME SIT YOU TF DOWN AND TELL YOU ABOUT DAMIEN FRICKIN BLOODMARCH

(SPOILERS!!!!!!!! IF YOU HAVE NOT PLAYED HIS ROUTE AND DON’T WANNA BE SPOILED DO NOT READ)

OKAY, FIRST OF ALL 

DAT HAIR, DAT MAKEUP, DAT SWEET OUTFIT 

MY ACNE IS CURED, MY GRADES HAVE GONE UP, LIFE IS A DAMN DREAM AND IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF THIS GOTH PRINCE

HE’S V. PASSIONATE ABOUT EVERYTHING, LIKE ONE OF THE MOST ATTRACTIVE THINGS IN THE WORLD IS WHEN SOMEONE IS PASSIONATE ABOUT WHAT THEY LOVE AND HIS HEART IS FULL OF LOVE AND WONDER LET ME TELL YOU

This dude renovated his whole house by himself. 

HIS HOUSE IS SO BEAUTIFUL I  ACTUALLY HAD THE AUDACITY TO FEEL SLIGHTLY JEALOUS OF THIS FALLEN ANGEL

I WANTED TO STEAL HIS HOUSE FROM HIM

DID I MENTION THAT HE HAS NARUTO FANFIC IN HIS VICTORIAN LIBRARY? 

NARUTO X SASUKE SMUT NO LESS

TRULY A MAN OF TASTE

And this dude has A+++++++ parenting AND gardening skills. 

He is an expert on everything Victorian, including the language of flowers and arranging bouquets and writing beautiful letters. 

INSTEAD OF SENDING YOU A MESSAGE ON DADBOOK LIKE SOME PEASANT, HE WRITES YOU GORGEOUS HEARTFELT LETTERS IN FINE CALLIGRAPHY SEALED WITH HIS OWN SIGIL

HE OFFERS TO GIVE YOU A PERSONALIZED BOUQUET WITH YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER ON YOUR FIRST HANGOUT

GIVES YOU HIS HANDKERCHIEF LIKE SOME VAMPIRIC KNIGHT OF OLD

THIS DUDE IS EXTRA AF WITH EVERYTHING HE DOES AND I AM 10000% FOR IT, YES THAT’S SOME GOOOOOOOOOOOOD SHIT, SIGN ME UP

But he also has a sweet and joking side. Despite his Gothic persona, he is actually really scared by horror movies. He takes you out for a date in a graveyard and somehow makes it comforting, enchanting even. He’s always making jokes about things the Victorians COULD have done. 

Damien manages to handle his rebellious teen JUST FINE without making his son feel like he’s being patronized or controlled. He is diplomatic, calm, and loving. He’s a cool dad. 

AND WHEN YOU FINALLY GO ON YOUR THIRD DATE, OH YES YOU ARE IN FOR A SURPRISE. 

DAMIEN BLOODMARCH, MR. BEAUTIFUL PRINCE OF DARKNESS, IS ACTUALLY AN IT GUY WHO VOLUNTEERS AT AN ANIMAL SHELTER IN HIS OFF TIME. 

AND. HE. LOVES. DOGS. 

BLESSED IMAGE, REBLOG FOR GOOD FORTUNE

IF YOU WEREN’T SOLD ON HIM ALREADY, OOOOOOOOOO BABY, OOOOOOOOOO YES THIS IS THE KICKER RIGHT HERE

GOD WHAT AN ADORABLE DORK

IT TURNS OUT HE WAS ACTUALLY SCARED THAT YOU WOULDN’T LIKE THE FACT THAT HE’S NOT JUST A GOTH 24/7. THAT HE’S ACTUALLY A THREE DIMENSIONAL PERSON

AND THE REASON WHY HE DOESN’T FEAR DEATH IS BECAUSE HE BELIEVES THAT IT GIVES LIFE MEANING, THAT YOU SHOULDN’T LET GRIEF CONTROL YOU FOREVER

HERE IS A WONDERFUL, GORGEOUS PARENT WITH UNIQUE INTERESTS AND HE IS JUST FULL OF SO MANY SWEET THOUGHTS AND IDEAS AAGHHGHGHGH

Damien has lost people dear to him. Yet he keeps moving. He keeps finding ways to make his life interesting and beautiful. He is good with animals and kids, everyone really (except the cashier at Hot Topic). He has not let life make him bitter. I love that about his character. I think his connection with the Player Dad is really special because people judge him so quickly and the Player Dad helps show him that he’s more than just an archetype and he can be his own person. The pressure to be only a small part of himself 100% of the time was making it hard for him to enjoy his hobbies, or to feel free. And I relate to that, I really do. We all have something people expect us to be. 

And don’t even get me started on the GRADUATION PARTY

DAMIEN’S SON THANKS YOU FOR MAKING HIS DAD HAPPY

AND DAMIEN SHOWS UP IN HIS IT GUY CLOTHES 

HE HAS FINALLY ACCEPTED HIMSELF AND GAINED CONFIDENCE AND IT FEELS AMAZING

And then there is this

I have nothing to say. 

I think I almost cried when i SAW THIS GIFT FROM THE GODS

MMMMMMMMMM YESSSSSSSSSS THIS IS THE PUREST CINNAMON ROLL, 70% SUGAR, 20% GOTH, 10% BAD JOKES

I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BEEN CLEANSED AFTER PLAYING HIS ROUTE 

AND THIS IS MY INADEQUATE ESTIMATION OF DAMIEN MOTHERTRUCKING BLOODMARCH, MAY HE REIGN AS THE BEAUTIFUL DORK KING OF DARKNESS FOREVER

Missing Link

Missing Link (m)

Word count: 6.3k

Genre/Warnings: smut, angst, fluff, talk of masterbation and language

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Summary: You catch Yoongi playing with himself before a night out and some part of you wants to join him. That’s crazy though, he’s your best friend… Right?


“Yoongi~”

“Yes, Y/N?” Yoongi said as he watched tv, happy to be home after a long day with you. 


“Will you please go with me tonight? I don’t want to go by myself.”

Yoongi sighed on the couch next to you. “Y/N, i’m too old to be going to these college parties.”

Keep reading

I’m gonna go on a quick rant on feminism/femininity and Disney here.

Originally posted by disneylandwheredreamscometrue

It just riles me up when people seem to get the idea that femininity means a lack of feminism. When people take a look at the girl in the pants and the girl in the ballgown and says the one in pants is more feminist and empowering than the one in the dress. The whole point of one of the many aspects of feminism is that as women we have the right to choose to be and wear whatever we want. A woman in a dress is just as feminist as a woman in a burqa, and they’re both just as feminist as a woman in a suit or a woman in a bikini. And beyond clothing, a woman who’s married and in love is just as feminist as a woman who’s single. Here’s where Disney comes in, no one princess is a better more feminist role model than another. It’s important to have more than one type of role model yes, but just because one girl likes to fight and another girl likes to sew, it doesn’t mean that one is a better role model. All the princesses and other Disney ladies have good values to teach us and our kids in different ways and I’m gonna go through them with you.

Originally posted by badxbaby

Snow White:

For one thing this girl is 14. She is a child and her outlook on the world and her dreams in life shouldn’t be measured up to an adult’s. She’s kind, caring, and yes, she does dream of true love’s kiss. But she’s 14. When I was 14 I was dreaming of the same damn thing. But what we can learn from her is that when you care for everyone, even strangers, you’ll see that kindness returned. When she’s lost in the woods and scared for her life, she still finds the strength to be kind to the animals. In return they show her to the Dwarves’ cottage. She’s sweet and decides to clean up the place and take care of the dwarves out of the kindness of her heart and they return the kindness by giving her a home when she had none. At the end she’s rewarded with the true love’s kiss she wanted. We can even learn from the Evil Queen that vanity is a terrible thing. 

Originally posted by snowwhitecinderellaaurora-blog

Aurora:

The main thing to remember about Aurora is that for one thing, she met Phillip when she was a baby. The other thing is that while the good fairies did love her and take care of her, she grew up isolated and alone. She’s always had these dreams of meeting someone (anyone) else to break that isolation. But in that isolation she’s still strong, kind, and trusting. She loves her adoptive aunts, and for a side character(might make a post about that later) I would still count her as a good role model because of that kindness. 

Originally posted by goldensilverdisney

Cinderella:

Her, I’m definitely going to expand on in another post. But, she’s one of my favorite princess. Ironically, not one of my favorite movies, but she’s an amazing character and I love her. She’s a survivor of child abuse. That’s the very first thing that you need to understand about her. She doesn’t stay happy and content with a grin and bare it attitude, she got mad. She was snarky, and she only found happiness in the little free time she had and in her pets/friends. All she wanted that night was to go to the ball. All she wanted was one night to have fun and get out of the house. She wanted one night where she wouldn’t be berated and yelled at and ordered around. And when she met the prince, she didn’t even know who he was. She didn’t even mind that she would probably never see him again. And at the end she more or less saved herself. She didn’t wait around and sing a song from her tower to get rescued, she asked her friends to get the key and help her out. She was smart enough to pull out the other slipper. There’s nothing wrong with getting help from those around you and there’s no shame in asking for it. There’s nothing un-feminist about getting help, especially when you’re an abuse survivor. And that’s what Cinderella is about. Her fairy godmother coming to help her. Women helping women. 

Originally posted by disneymoviesanywhere

Ariel:

The one big thing that made the Disney renaissance so great is they decided to follow the rules of Broadway musicals. One of the trademarks of this is the “I want” song. That’s the motivation for the main character and it’s the driving force for the plot. 

Ariel wants to live in the human world. That’s her dream. She desperately wants to be a human. Eric was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. Ariel is strong willed and curious. She’s the undersea equivalent of an anthropologist. She’s 16, so of course she’s going to make stupid mistakes, but she gets to live out her dream in the end and become a human. The main point and what makes her a wonderful feminist role model is that she uses that drive and curiosity to pursue her passion. 

Originally posted by mkgaud

Belle:

I’m not sure I have to go into too much detail about her although I will mention, she is not a victim of Stockholm Syndrome. And to be honest how would being an abuse victim make her any less feminist? Anyway, of course she’s smart and loves reading. She loves adventure books and that’s what her “I want” song is about. She wants adventure and she wants someone who understands her and doesn’t think she’s weird for her interest. She’s a good role model not only for her love of reading but also of course for her kindness and seeing the good in people despite their appearance. 

Originally posted by moviewhorexo

Jasmine:

She. Is. Not. A. Prize. To. Be. Won. Moving on,

Kidding. But anyway she’s great because what she values is freedom and love. I feel like a lot of people forget is the line, “when I marry, I want it to be for love”. She wants to make her own choices in all aspects of her life and she decides to leave her life of privilege to pursue that freedom. You can hear and see it sprinkled in all around the movie (and the stage show). She sees herself as a bird in a cage and she’s happiest when she’s free and litteraly flying. And at the end she chooses Aladin. It’s all about her choice. 

Pocahontas:

Originally posted by anightmarefantasmic

So unintentional racism, stereotypes, white savior trope, erasing history, and pairing her with the horrible monster aside for a moment…

Let’s talk about 18 year old Disney Pocahontas as her own character. The main thing that comes to mind when I think of her is strength and bravery. She knows herself and she knows what she loves, and she’ll do anything to protect it. She also cares about the earth and environment. All of those are wonderful traits to have as a role model. 

Originally posted by magical-rasputin

Mulan:

Again, I don’t think I have to go into much detail about why she’s a great feminist role model. She’s usually who everyone thinks of when it comes to great feminist characters.

But what I will say is one thing not a lot of people mention in her great feminist role model-ness is that she doesn’t mind being feminine. She knows the ”perfect porcelain doll” isn’t her, but she doesn’t mind dressing up when she can make it her own. Another thing that I’m surprised get’s as ignored as it does especially since it’s scattered through the whole movie including her very first scene, she’s smart. She’s not a fighter, she’s a strategist. She makes her chores easier for herself. She wins the game of Go on her way to meet the match maker. She figures out how she can protect her dad. She uses the weights to her advantage. She does trigonometry in her head on the fly. She comes up with the distraction and using the fireworks. And the epitome of it all, she uses the symbol of femininity in the movie, her fan, to outsmart Shan Yu and take his sword. 

Originally posted by definite-disnerd

Tiana:

Can you believe I’ve heard people say Tiana isn’t feminist enough? Most people know how hardworking and practical she is, but she also learns a very important lesson that you’ll never be truly happy if you don’t let loose and have fun in reasonable amounts. She’s an amazing role model just as wonderful as everyone else in the line up and her morale is one of my favorites to try and live by. “Fairytales can come true, but you’ve gotta make them happen. It all depends on you.”


Rapunzel, Merida, Anna, Elsa, and Moana:

Honestly I feel like I don’t have to do much defending for these four. Everyone on this site has already pointed out what great feminist role models they are and many people regard them plus Tiana and Mulan as the “best” most feminist princesses. I love them all too, and of course they’re all great feminist role models, I just don’t think there’s much I could add. 

Anyway, I think a /lot/ of other Disney ladies are also wonderful feminist role models but this was supposed to be just the princess lineup. and I might make separate posts for them. But if you’ll notice I didn’t take relationship status, style choices, hobby choices, sexuality headcannons, or appearance into account when talking about what great role models they are because you shouldn’t. Of course women and girls deserve more than just one type of girl to look up to, but one type of girl isn’t any better or worse than another. You can be hyper feminine like Cinderella, Not feminine at all like Merida, or a little bit of both like Mulan. You can be smart like Belle, or naive yet kind like Snow White. All of them are wonderful. 

I’ll go ahead and leave you my favorite Disney feminist hero.

(she’s amazing. google her real quick)

PULP FICTION 📖

PAIRING: steve harrington x reader, billy hargrove x reader

summary: nancy breaks up with steve and he is a bit of a mess when you find him. being the new girl in hawkins you try to befriend and keep nancy off his mind. it backfires and now you have him falling in love with you, as you fight off the urge to fall in love with him, too. [THIS IS AN AU!]

warnings: swearing, sexual situations, violence

a/n: quentin tarantino is my favorite director and i really love old movies. so here’s this. lot’s of music in here. also, nothing too major happens now. just two characters meet. this is possibly the maybe first time i have such an independant/strong reader

if you like my stuff and want to support me, don’t forget to treat me to a KO-FI!

MASTERLIST.

music.

“Hey, sorry to bother you. I wouldn’t be if… if you didn’t look like you could use some company.”

Your statement is met with silence as the unfamiliar guy in front of you lifts his eyes up to stare at you in bewilderment. Late autumn wind blows past and ruins your neat hairdo. Your hand grips the strap of your purse; you note tears glisten in his deep brown eyes and decide to look away so he’d have enough time to collect himself. The guy sniffles, rubs his eyes before giving you a tight smile; He opens his mouth to possibly dismiss you, but you beat him to it, “There’s no shame in crying. If you’re sad, you’re sad, right? Nothing you can do about it.” He sighs, “May I sit?” You inquire. After a moment of consideration, he gives a curt nod. And so you do.

Keep reading

saltkettle  asked:

i wish you would write a fic where Alicia convinces Bitty to star in a film with her while he and Jack are still on the DL. Maybe like, the boy-toy to her James Bond.

For the record, and Bitty would like to be very clear on this, he did not set out to be any kind of actor. He liked talking to his little camera and he liked his youtube channel and, sure, he’d picked up a few tricks of the trade but he was never going to be an actor. Not a real one. Certainly not in a movie

Then came Alicia Zimmermann. 

(Okay, well really, then came Jack Zimmermann but the point stands. This is Alicia Zimmermann’s fault). 

It started during a snow storm over Christmas break during Bitty’s senior year. This storm meant that Bitty’s flight back to Samwell was cancelled and apparently, the actor they had hired to play the small (but speaking!) part of “shy, polite, yet oblivious barista who is caught in the shoot-out but somehow doesn’t realize it” in Alicia Zimmermann’s latest badass female action star spy film. 

“You’d be perfect for it,” Alicia said to Bitty when she heard the news the night before. “Just come in with me tomorrow morning. The director’s a friend. He’ll be fine with it. It’ll be fun.”

Yes, Bitty thought, as he takes a deep breath and prepares to open the door to the limo. It will be fun, she said. Just one day, she said. Maybe two depending on how the stunts go.

Because of course, the director for some reason agreed to this stupid plan and of course, Bitty was too relaxed (too “well this will be fun and then I can go home to my very hot boyfriend”) to be nervous, and, the kicker was that Bitty did have to go in for another two days and that gave him time to bake some pies which the whole crew loved so he’s pretty sure they made the sequence longer and then, in the greatest twist of all, he became a fan favorite

His character, who hummed as he made coffee and managed to drop things and duck right in time to avoid getting shot, was suddenly the subject of conspiracy theories (HE’S REALLY A NATURALLY GIFTED AGENT!! HE WAS JUST PRETENDING TO BE OBLIVIOUS) and was giffed and he thought the whole thing was a bit blown out of proportion by the team who loved to send him any article who mentioned him but fan favorites are important apparently.

And also, he is quite certain Alicia didn’t help. In fact, he is quite certain this is her fault. She is the one who talked about how important it is to have your own career and how you can work your schedule so you are working more during the season so you aren’t just sitting home alone and he was a bit confused, to be honest, because why is she telling him this?? 

Then she finally gives him the news. The script. The contract. 

And it turns out, she had been telling him this because he had been picked up for the sequel. And in the sequel, he is not “clueless Barista.” In the sequel, he is “Newest recruit training under the famous spy, Torri Ford” and he is not so much “in the sequel” as “co-starring in the sequel” and suddenly he has an agent and there are scripts and oh my god, he is becoming a movie star and–

“You ready?” Alicia asks him. She is taller than him even as they are sitting. In her heels, she is going to tower over him. He cannot believe this is his life now. 

“Oh lord,” is all he says. He is about to be on a red carpet

“Come on,” she says and when she grins like that, all sly and mischievous and delighted with his nerves, he wonders why he ever thought it was a good idea to date Jack Zimmermann when both his parents are certifiably insane. “This’ll be fun.”

Send me an anonymous ask completing the sentence “I wish you would write a fic where…”

Thor: Ragnarok Impressions

I really liked Thor: Ragnarok. I’ll put my cards on the table: I am probably going to like movies in this shared Marvel universe more than the average bear. It seems that the more pissed I get at Marvel as a whole (a long story), the better their movies get. 2017 dropped three of my favorites, as well as a non-MCU bonus in the form of Logan. I’m a happy nerd.

I also don’t really want to go over the high points again. Every nerd and critic has already done that. So instead, I decided to share a handful of entirely personal thoughts I had about the movie during and after. Here goes.

Chris Hemsworth did not just become funny
Inexplicably, I’ve heard a lot of chatter that Thor is finally funny in Ragnarok. I’m wondering where these people have been for the rest of the films, or for Chris Hemsworth’s career. Thor has been the most comedically versatile regular character in the MCU for a while. Yes, more so than Iron Man, who rarely veers from his arrogant-playboy routine, and more so than Cap, who relies on his man-out-of-time shtick for laughs. He’s even funnier than any of the Guardians. All of those characters are entertaining and play off each other well, but Hemsworth can do it all himself. He’s able to simultaneously make Thor a lovable lug and poke fun at his tough guy image. It isn’t that he becomes funny in Ragnarok, it’s that Taika Waititi takes off the cuffs and allows him free rein.

Did they just actually move Loki’s character forward?
NOTE: HUGE SPOILERS IN THIS SECTION
Tom Hiddleston has always been a gift to the MCU. For one thing, no two actors in the franchise play off each other as well as Hemsworth and Hiddleston. For another, he somehow makes the “Snake” character work. Most of the time, when someone continually changes sides (Miles Teller in the Divergent series, for instance), you wonder why the other characters don’t just off them and get it over with. By comparison, Marvel has done an excellent job over multiple directors of maintaining Loki’s character and relationship to Thor in ways that let us see why the God of Thunder keeps the God of Mischief around.
In this particular movie, Loki is literally given the task of destroying Asgard to stop Hela, and seems to have mended his relationship with his brother. But…did he take the Cosmic Cube at the end? Of course he did. Not only can I see no other way he could have gotten onto the ship to escape, but it actually makes sense. Otherwise, the Infinity Stone inside would have been left adrift at the site where the world it was known to be on just exploded, for anyone to amble along and pick up. That may not be Loki’s motivation, but Thanos did promise to hunt him down if he didn’t bring him the Cube. And according to descriptions of the unreleased Infinity War trailer shown at Disney’s D23 event, one scene pictures a kneeling Loki…handing Thanos the cube.
If you think Loki’s constant betrayals are getting old, there’s another wrinkle: perhaps he agreed to serve Thanos again in order to spare the survivors of Asgard.

The movie definitely delivered on the title
Going in, I did not expect the film would follow the comics, in which, last I read, Ragnarok really happened and Asgard as we knew it was destroyed. In fact, the movie followed that pretty closely, with the exception of Loki not being the one to initiate the apocalypse. Asgard is gone, and Thor is getting ready to re-home his people on earth, similar to the comics Thor. This seems like a pretty bold move for the movies, but really, the Thor series and character were too tethered to Asgard, in many ways. Ragnarok was obviously meant as a clear break with the dour and serious tone of the previous Thor movies, and severing the character’s ties to Asgard was a necessary step. Also, I know critics aren’t supposed to like final battles, but that one was pretty epic. I don’t recall a giant green monster fighting Fenrir in the original myths.

Throwing the cast together really works
There’s not much to elaborate on here. Tessa Thompson kicks major ass and is mercifully not set up much as a love interest. Loki and Thor work as well as they always do. The Hulk and Banner fit surprisingly well, with Mark Ruffalo playing off the proceeding as himself as well as he does when he’s CGi-ed up. Karl Urban seems to have had a lot of scenes cut behind those meaningful looks, but his role works fairly well. Idris Elba’s Heimdall finally gets more to do than stand there looking serious, and it’s about damn time. Several movies could easily be made out of this group. Even Benedict Cumberbatch’s brief appearance as Doctor Strange is fun. The only letdown is no appearance by Jamie Alexander’s Sif. It would have been great to see her and Valkyrie get into a drunken arm-wrestling match. I also need to mention that Thompson’s inclusion pisses off racists, which is awesome.

Marvel’s villains keep improving
I’ve never been on the all-Marvel’s-villains-suck bandwagon, but there’s no question 2017 has seen their best ones yet. The Vulture from Spider-Man still takes the prize, but Cate Blanchett’s Hela is deliciously dark, and Jeff Goldblum’s deliciously devious Grandmaster is a treat. It’s honestly hard for me to see how Thanos could top any of 2017’s baddies.

Taika Waititi!
He can do no wrong. Everybody run out and see Hunt for the Wilderpeople and What We Do in the Shadows, right now. I wouldn’t whine if they had him back for the next film.

BTS Reaction to S/O Sitting on Their Lap & Popping a Boner // Light Smut

~

Jin

Originally posted by toomanyjinfeels

He would be just finishing up with eating his plate of breakfast when you walked in. You were only wearing a large tshirt and underwear which to Jin was a fashion statement masterpiece. The sleepiness still lingered in your eyes when you came up to your boyfriend, so you rubbed them while taking a seat on his lap asking where your breakfast was. He wouldn’t be able to form a proper answer due to his body being frozen underneath you. You were driving him wild without even knowing it. He tried to control himself, but unfortunately failed. That’s when you felt something poking your thigh. You couldn’t hold back a smirk before you were lifted off of him, his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. He’d then try to cover it up, stumbling over his words.

“S-Sorry Jagi, your breakfast is in the k-kitchen. I’ll warm it up for you!”


Yoongi (Suga)

Originally posted by hoshiimochi

Usually he would scold you for interrupting his work; but this time he let it slide because he missed you. Upon walking into the studio, you would take a seat down on his lap, looking over his journal of lyrics and such with permission. While you were distracting glancing over the words, he was distracted by something growing in his pants with you being the cause. When you finally did notice his bulge poking out from underneath you; you would attempt to get up just to have Yoongi hold your hips in place. He’d lightly rock his hips, pressing up against yours while pulling yours down against him causing much needed friction.

“Where do you think you’re going kitten? You need to fix the problem that you caused.”


Hoseok (J-Hope)

Originally posted by hohbi

You would be wearing his favorite dress on you so the moment you sat in his lap with that dress. It would be over. Instant turn on for your Hobi. He would’ve already been watching you move from across the room. Noticing all your features accentuated and your curves wonderfully hugged by the dress. So when you sat on his lap, pressing down against him, he would instantly let out a low groan, moving his hands to keep your hips in place on his lap.

Hobi~..” you would whine as you felt him press himself up against you.

“I can’t help the fact that my jagi looks and feels so good.”

He wouldn’t even give you a chance to protest because he was up and carrying you to the bedroom two seconds after he said that.


Namjoon (Rap Monster)

Originally posted by simondismydaddy

It wasn’t an accident, or meant to be innocent when you walked  over to sit on Joonie’s lap. You wanted him to feel that you needed him now. So not only did you sit on his lap, but you straddled it, demanding his attention away from his work. Your abruptness and not to mention the sexy ensemble you were wearing instantly sent him into a frenzy. His hands glazed over the skin on your hips, looking up at you while he felt his pants grow tighter. It only took one swift motion of your hips for him to be bucking his hips up in anticipation.

“What do you need princess? Attention?”

You would nod, already whimpering and shivering at his touch as he would start to strip you down out of the little clothing you did have, giving you the attention you were craving.


Jimin

Originally posted by teenagehopless

This would happen around the other boys, so you already know. Instant embarrassment. You all would be sitting watching a movie or something, when you decided to get more comfortable and climb onto Jimin’s lap. While this made you more comfortable, Jimin got tense underneath you. He was now unable to focus on the screen, and his attention shifted to the pressure placed against his member, feeling it starting to grow underneath your weight.

His cheeks would begin to flush with embarrassment, wrapping his arms around your waist and hiding his face against your back. When you tried to move to get up, he would tightly hold you in place, refusing to let you go. At first you thought it was a cute gesture, which it still was, but then you happened to notice something poking from underneath you. You couldn’t help but smirk and look around to see if any of the other boys were paying attention in which they weren’t.

You became the ulTimAtE TeaSE. I mean, you would be grinding your hips in circles, causing small whimpers to fall from his lips. It wasn’t until his hands held you down against him roughly would you stop.

“You’re going to pay for this later Y/n.”


Taehyung (V)

Originally posted by girlmeetsyoongismixtape

Oh boy. Tae would basically wreck you. If you thought you were getting away giving him a boner and not fixing the problem you caused, you had another thing coming. Even if your intentions were innocent, which they were, he wouldn’t accept anything less than satisfying him. When you sat down on his lap and gave him a sweet kiss hello. You didn’t expect for him to get turned on.The moment you felt him grow beneath you, you knew what was in store.

Jagiya,” he would whisper with a playful smirk on his lips, “on your knees.


Jungkook

Originally posted by jkguks

When it came to Kookie; you were sitting on his lap for all of 2 seconds when he popped his boner. You didn’t notice at first, and he was too embarrassed to make you get off and you happen to see it, so he would just try to shift you in a way that you wouldn’t notice. That plan failed miserably and you felt your cheeks flush red along with his.

“Uh..kookie, are you?”

He wouldn’t know how to respond, leaning back to hide his face behind a pillow. You would think it was cute and flattering that your boyfriend was physically attracted to your body. The amount of kisses you would pepper him with was ridiculous as you chuckled at his embarrassment.

“Jagiya~ stop teasing me!”

Imagine watching your boyfriend Tom talking about you in an interview (Tom Holland x Fem!Reader)

warning: fluffy!! fluff fluff fluff, language

word count: 869

a/n: here’s a cute little imagine I wrote for u guys, i hope u guys like it xx Also, I’m trying something new with this so I’m so excited for u guys to read it!!


You opened your laptop, hoping to find some type of cure for your boredom. Tom’s only been gone for a week and you already missed him terribly. I mean, it’s kind of natural for you to want your boyfriend with you at all times. Or most of the time. Right?

You sighed, opening up YouTube and immediately letting out a little laugh as one of Tom’s interviews popped up in your recommendations. It was titled ‘Tom Holland talks relationships, romance, and more!’ Your eyebrows quirked up as you read it, curiosity getting the better of you as you clicked on it. As the video loaded, you briefly read the description and saw that it was pretty recent, only uploaded two days ago. A thirty-second ad popped up, causing you to roll your eyes in impatience.

Keep reading

On Camera

Or that one time Lance decided to live-stream when he really should’ve been resting. The (established) klance YouTuber AU that no one asked for, but you’re all getting. Domestic klance sharing an apartment is my jam, and throwing a little angst in there is a bonus.

I’m actually really happy with this, and if people like it I might do an actual long AU thing with this setting, so feedback is appreciated! For now though, just a one-shot. This is also proof that the best writing for me happens at 3 AM… oops. I hope you enjoy!!

Psst @taylor-tut this is that thing I not-so-discreetly mentioned in my tags, have a wonderful day.


Lance McClain was a rulebreaker in every way, except for one thing. He believed it was always necessary to have a routine, and never stray from it. If asked, he’d inform you that a steady routine was the foundation for a steady life.

Showering every morning, brushing his teeth every night, thinking of a cheesy one-liner for Keith each day without fail, the list went on. Little things.

One of his many routines was to live-stream, always on Sundays. Because who did anything besides sit at home, definitely not with a hangover, on Sunday?

New videos went up on Wednesdays, but the carefully edited ones on YouTube and his live-streams were very different. Many fans even preferred seeing him live, mainly because he couldn’t stop himself from making bad jokes, and was usually too lazy to straighten his bedhead.

And they would always ask him to go bother Keith in the next room, which Lance more often than not was obliged to do.

So when he woke up late one Sunday with a killer headache and a stuffy nose, Lance wasn’t about to let it get in the way of his routine.

He discovered a note from Keith on the kitchen table that said he’d be out running errands, and Lance lamented that he hadn’t been awake to tell Keith to get soup. After shooting him a quick text, the only response Lance got was “You don’t even like soup.”

Lance chuckled softly, which quickly led to a series of wet coughs. Clearing his throat, he began to set up his camera, wrapped himself up in blankets, and started the stream.

“Hey guys,” he said with a small wave, and winced at how raspy his voice sounded. He sniffled, and edged the off-screen box of tissues closer to him.

The chat was quickly flooded with “HELLO”’s and “LANCE!”’s. By now, all the fans knew when he went live. Lance was, however, surprised to see several inquiries about his health.

There were quite a few “Are you okay”’s, and even some “You seem sick”’s, with one of Lance’s personal favorites being “You look like shit.”

He read off the last comment with a short laugh. “Thanks, KeiththeKutie05.” Then, as an afterthought, he added, “Nice name.”

After a short pause of him continuing to scan the chat, he spoke again. “I’m fine though, just got a cold or something. Nothing could stop me from live-streaming!”

As the viewers seemed satisfied with this response, Lance wasn’t surprised to see the usual repetition of “Where’s Keith?” in the chat. He sighed.

“Mullet Boy is running errands,” Lance told them, rolling his eyes for effect. “Probably going out to buy a new pair of fingerless gloves.”

Keith and Lance had been sharing an apartment for some time now, and the Internet was very invested in their relationship, or so it seemed. Keith was annoyed by the whole thing at first, but Lance found it entertaining that his fans seemed to like Keith better than him. Lance could, admittedly, relate.

Eventually, the accidental publicity that came with dating a YouTuber inspired Lance to make a collab channel for them, though Keith never got his own. He insisted that he was too awkward to film anything by himself, which Lance secretly found adorable.

Numerous people began telling Lance to prank Keith when he came back, to which Lance grinned. Playing tricks on Keith during live-streams had become somewhat of a tradition in and of itself. “Maybe I will,” Lance tapped his chin thoughtfully. “You guys got any ideas?”

Lance read through some of the responses but saw nothing particularly appealing, then perked up at someone asking when he’d do a video with Hunk again.

“Actually, I got some good news for you guys,” Lance declared, sneezing into his elbow before continuing. “Hunk and I are going to be playing videogames on Pidge’s channel sometime next week, and Hunk has both of us coming over to his and Shay’s for a baking video. I haven’t decided what we should do for my part yet. Maybe a Q & A?”

Once again, Lance’s eyes scanned through the suggestions until his eyes snagged on one he liked. “Cards Against Humanity, huh? With YouTube’s shitty new rules it could get demonetized, but I do love that game, so why not? I’m positive Pidge owns it, and I can tell them to bring it over. Maybe I can even convince Keith to play with us.”

Lance couldn’t help but smile at the enthusiastic response that got.

“I think I’m going to get myself some more coffee,” Lance decided, looking down at the empty mug resting on a coaster. “Last night Keith made me watch this really scary movie, so I naturally had trouble falling asleep. Gotta have coffee to keep myself functioning. Do you guys prefer coffee or tea? Keith and I are both coffee people, but he likes his black. No sugar or anything, disgusting if you ask me.”

Lance almost regretted this comment as a war of opinions on black coffee slowly took over his computer screen.

“Well, anyway, I’m gonna go to the kitchen real quick. I’d bring my laptop but… I’d probably spill coffee on it, and we can’t have that.”

Lance stood, and was about to start towards the next room when his vision abruptly blurred and refocused. He knew immediately something was wrong.

His legs felt like jelly, and the room seemed to spin as he took a single step forward. Had he only been fine when he was sitting? Lance had half the mind to sit right back down, but his brain was growing muddled, and direction simply didn’t make sense.

Lance’s migraine flared abruptly in intensity, and then suddenly the wood floor was rushing up to meet him. Everything went dark.


Keith glanced at his phone as he moved around to the back of the car, where he’d stored the groceries, and had to repress a fond smile at the Twitter notification on the screen. Lance was, apparently, live-streaming. Keith thought he might actually miss his time-slot for once, but he figured by now he should be used to the Cuban boy’s dedication to routine.

Lance’s channel got some negative feedback from more ‘sophisticated’ YouTubers for being… all over the place. A dedicated beauty guru, or PrinceLotor as his channel was called, had dragged Lance on Twitter on more than one occasion.

Lance was anything but consistent when it came to videos. He did whatever he felt like doing that week, and the fans loved it. Sometimes he played songs on his guitar, sometimes he did prank-calls. He would film Q&A’s, or tell stories about all the interesting stuff that happened in his life— Lance’s bad luck was rather famous. He recommended TV shows, did hauls of what he got for holidays, vlogged on occasion when he went to stores, you name it.

But Lance’s favorite thing to do were collabs.

Hunk, an incredibly smart engineer, had a baking channel as a hobby, and Lance was his favorite assistant.

Pidge was a newer gaming channel, but their obsession with theorizing about the game’s lore while playing and busting other fan theories made them grow in popularity quickly. For two player games, Lance was ideal.

Allura was an extremely popular beauty channel, and Lance let her give him makeovers whenever she wanted to. Shiro could use extra actors in his short films.

And Keith… well, the two of them had a channel together that had no pattern whatsoever, much to Lance’s dislike. Absolutely spontaneous and random, usually doing things by popular fan request, like dancing or karaoke. And uploads were by no means regular.

Keith was surprised at how much he had started to enjoy it. Lance had been telling him he should start an art channel, with animations and speedpaints and the like, and Keith wasn’t… that opposed to the idea. It could be a useful source of income, to help with all the debt he would come into after graduating college. But he’d never tell Lance.

Without thinking too much of it, Keith swiped right across his screen, taking him to Lance’s tweet about the live-stream in order to like it. He was about to close his phone again and begin taking groceries up to their apartment when his eyes snagged on something odd.

Lots of the replies to Lance’s tweet mentioned him, particularly the recent ones, even tagging him in it. Keith couldn’t fathom why they would be talking about him if he wasn’t on the stream, unless Lance was complaining about him live again.

Keith bristled. Lance better not be still annoyed at him for the movie the last night. Signs wasn’t scary at all, and not even a real horror movie! Lance simply stated that ‘he didn’t mess with aliens.’

But when he looked at all the mentions, Keith felt his irritation give way to confusion, and then panic.

“KEITH GET TO UR APARTMENT”, “YOU BETTER GO CHECK ON LANCE”, “HOLY SHIT HES COLLAPSED KEITH HURRY YA ASS UP”, and the one that really sent Keith reeling “UH GUYS IS IT JUST ME OR DID WE WITNESS LANCE’S DEATH ON CAMERA?”

Keith slammed the trunk, all groceries forgotten as he sprinted into the apartment building and ran for the stairs. They only lived on the third floor, and he was not about to wait for the slow, crowded elevator.

He fumbled to fit his key in the lock and opened the door to the living room, only to spot the live-streaming set up, with no Lance. Keith rushed forward, but drew up short when he realized that Lance was in fact passed out on the floor in front of the couch.

“Oh my god— Lance!” Keith sank down beside him, turning his boyfriend over. “Lance, are you okay? Can you hear me?”

Lance’s eyes opened slowly, and Keith felt relief flood his system, despite the uncharacteristically pale skin. “K-Keith? Wha… I thought you were shopping?”

“I’m back,” Keith answered shortly, wincing as he pressed a hand onto Lance’s forehead. “Jeez, you’re on fire. Why didn’t you tell me you were this sick?!”

“Are you a fire?” Lance mumbled under his breath, and Keith furrowed his brows in confusion.

“What? No, Lance, I was saying you have a fever.”

“Because you’re hot and I want s'more,” Lance continued, as if he hadn’t heard him at all. Keith was suddenly painfully aware that the live-stream was still going, and that his face was even more flushed than Lance’s, and not because of a fever.

Keith glanced at the computer sitting on the coffee table briefly, noting that most of the chat was full of random keyboard smashing. He smiled apologetically. “At least he’s conscious,” he shrugged, hoisting Lance up off the floor and propping one of his arm’s around Keith’s shoulder. “I’m going to take this idiot to the hospital, he’s way too hot.”

“So you finally admitted it,” Lance’s voice was barely audible, and Keith glanced back down to see him grinning up at Keith tiredly.

“I meant your temperature, dumbass. Next time, tell me when you’re not feeling well.”

And with that, he shut off the stream.

Shapely🍑

Summary: Bucky and Steve will never let you know that they’re the heads of your booty’s fanclub.

Authors note: It was so hard to find old timey slang for butt. Like we have so many words now I was surprised lmao.

Warnings: None, Bucky and Steve appreciating that cake


  Your jeans only make it halfway up your thighs before they refuse to budge. You groan.

‘And this was my favorite pair too’

You sigh, before peeling off the jeans and rooting around in your dresser for something that you can wear. You never were the skinniest person, especially when it came to your hips and thighs. But then again you never were exactly bootylicious either. So when you became a SHEILD agent you thought your body would kinda slim down into a  svelte mass of lean, toned muscle like the other female agents.

 Boy were you wrong. 

You gained muscle, and a lot of it too. Every single inch of you had at least some definition and your thighs had bulked up considerably. As for your butt….You sneak a peek at it in the mirror ‘I swear it gets bigger every day’ . Since you had joined the Avengers last year and your training had gotten even more intense you swear your booty had doubled in size. Your body was very… in your face nowadays. Wanda kindly described you as ‘shapely’. You pull out a pair of denim shorts that have some slight stretch to them.

You look at yourself in the mirror sighing. ‘ If I get anymore shapely I’m gonna have to buy an entire new wardrobe.’ 


“Pal, why is ya oatmeal always so…” Steve makes a face “…Soggy?”

Bucky and Steve are sitting eating breakfast, at a table that’s situated slightly back and across from the kitchen, next to an open door. Bucky snorts.

“It’s oatmeal Steve, it’s supposed to be soggy.” Steve rolls his eyes but takes another bite of his oatmeal, making a mental note to make breakfast himself the next morning.

Bucky lets out a soft, low whistle. Steve turns his his head, slowly. He knows what that whistle means. He watches as you enter from the other side of the room, cross the kitchen and start rifling in the cabinets. Or rather he watches your ass cross the kitchen and start rifling in the cupboards. You Steve, and Bucky were pretty good friends. You had surprisingly befriended Bucky first, and then Steve. Bucky had been making a good recovery, but was still kind of shy, except around Steve and Sam, and then you. Your sense of humor and openness kind of disarmed him. The three of you would always hang out, watch movies, and talk about anything and everything. But the one thing that Bucky and Steve would never mention is that they both agreed that you by far had the best body they had ever seen. And they were low-key its fan club. The super soldier’s eyes track you as you gather your cup of tea and cheese danish in one hand and exit the room.

“Now ain’t that a beautiful sight to see in the morning?” Bucky says, smirking and sipping his coffee. 

“Yes,” Steve smirks back “As I always say,the lady is truly blessed.”

“Amen.” Bucky says raising his coffee mug. “I mean have you ever seen such beautiful gams on a dame?”

“No,”  Steve pushes back his bowl of soggy oatmeal and crosses his arms over his chest. A devious grin forms on his face. “But that’s not the only thing that’s beautiful.”

Bucky’s grin widens to epic shit eating proportions. “True, Y/N’s a bit broad in the beam, ain’t she?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 Your voice coming from behind them nearly stops both super soldier’s hearts. They turn, mouths slack, to find you standing in the doorway behind their table, tea and cheese danish in one hand, the other perched on your hip.

“Ah-um-I-um” Steve splutters, unable to form words. Bucky, on the other hand, decides distraction is the best course of action.

“Y/N! Sugar, sweetheart, you look lovely today. How’s that cheese danish? I heard the weather’s going to be nice , maybe we should go to the park?” He exclaims, red slowly creeping up his neck until his whole face is scarlet. You silently look from Steve to Bucky. ‘Well if they’re not gonna spill, Google will’

You pull out your phone and look at it. “Well looks like I have somewhere to be so I’ll see you boys later.”

You turn, hearing twin goodbye’s being called out after you, with at least one voice cracking in the middle.


You retreat back your room and fire up your laptop. Bucky and Steve were always using obscure old timey slang that no one understood. ‘they better haven’t been throwing shade…’ you shake your head. It seemed like they were talking about something physical about you, and not in a bad way. You feel warm and kind of insecure at the same time. You couldn’t deny that the two super soldiers were very attractive.

You open google and type “gams meaning” into the search engine.


gam

/ɡam/

noun,informal

plural noun: gams

  1. a leg, especially in reference to the shapeliness of a woman’s leg.

A giggle escapes your mouth. ‘oh my’ you think.

You type the next phrase into Google, and click on the phrase dictionary that comes up.


Broad in the beam

Meaning:

Having wide hips or buttocks


You stare at the screen for a moment and then  recall the overheard conversation. Your mouth falls open as you choke out a laugh ‘Oh my god’


Later that day you find Bucky,Steve and Sam sitting outside. You join them, and they all greet you, but you notice Bucky isn’t looking you in the eye and Steve’s ears are pink. Sam doesn’t seem to notice the tension and dives into a story about sweeping a girl off her feet in the local coffee shop.

“…then she gave me her number.”

“That’s great!” Steve says “You gonna take her out soon?”

“Yeah this weekend”

“That is great,” Bucky smiles “What does she look like?” he asks curiously.

“Man she had the cutest laugh, and those dimples…” Sam pauses, smiling to himself. “She had short dark hair, and was so curvy…..like damn.” Everyone chuckles a bit at this, and after the chuckles stop you pipe up.

“Curvy? Sam get with the times, you don’t call women curvy anymore, its called being broad in the beam.” You say and smirk at the two super soldiers. They promptly turn bright red, Bucky choking a little bit. Sam whips his head back and forth between the three of you.

“Am I missing something?” he asks.

 Steve clears his throat, holding out his hands imploringly.

“Y/n, sugar, listen. I can explain”


tags: @stephie-senpai @chamongangae

@iamwarrenspeace
⇁ tessellate | 01

Originally posted by bangtannoonas

sequel to nudes, not flowers with more angst and more filth

pairing⇁Hoseok x Reader x Jungkook

genre⇁smut, slight angst || fuckboi!au

warnings⇁public indecency, cumplay, exhibitionism, rough sex, dom/sub undertones, dom!junghope, jealousy, mentions of infidelity, sex in front of a mirror, oh n light daddy kink 

word count⇁15k

“ Triangles are my favorite shape
Three points where two lines meet.” (tessellate)

Triangles are supposed to be the strongest and most stable of all geometric shapes. You wonder how true this statement is if applied to real life situations. The way you see it: triangles aren’t a reliable structure for relationships, especially if the parties you’re involved with find commitment to be a foreign concept. 

or : a fuckboy’s guide to polyamory 

start | 01

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YA Books With Queer Girls

This maaay be stemming from anger, as all my best ideas are, but I figured it might help someone find a really awesome book, and so I shall be your unofficial librarian for a sec. 

I can vouch for all of these books; yes, some are better than others (I mean, yes, Of Fire and Stars has an overly simple plot), but they are all very much enjoyable, especially if you’re not in constantly book-reviewer mode like I am whenever I read. 

Also, I’m focusing this specially on books with queer girls, because I feel like YA has a bit of a problem with wlw. They tend to fly majorly under the radar, while books like Simon Vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda and Carry On get majorly hyped. Don’t get me wrong, I love both those books to bits, but still. I want to read all the books about girls who love girls. 

-

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman: I need to put on of my all-time fav books here, first, don’t I? But, seriously, this book is fucking fantastic, and I love it to bits. It’s got all the amazing things: podcasts, nerdy people being nerdy, geeking out over sci-fi, it’s fantastic. Bisexual female MC/narrator + demisexual male MC + gay male side character + gay female minor character. 

When The Moon Was Ours by Anna-Marie McLemore: Guys. GUYS. This book is gorgeous. One of the most beautiful books I’ve read in a long time. Anna-Marie McLemore is already one of my top ten favorite writers and she’s only written two books, and this…I love this book and I want everyone to read this amazing book SO JUST GO READ IT, OKAY? AND it’s about QPOC, AND it very much respects and embraces true magical realism, AND the author is literally the sweetest person ever. Queer female MC + trans male MC.

Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Cordova: This book is like a mix of Alice in Wonderland and a crazy fever dream. BUT IN A GOOD WAY. And can I mention the worldbuilding??? I’m in love with it. Bisexual female MC + queer female MC

Everything Leads to You by Nina Lacour: THIS BOOK IS FREAKIN’ ADORABLE. I mean, it’s about romance and movies and mysteries and it has a beautifully built slowburn romance and everyone is adorable and the romance is adorable and just ALL THE YES. Gay female MC + Gay female MC

Tash Hearts Tolstoy by Kathryn Ormsbee: This book is all about the internet! I mean, if you exist on a creative plain of the internet, you’ll see yourself in this book. PLUS all the amazing and totally important conversations about asexuality. Asexual romantic female MC.

Little & Lion by Brandy Colbert: I am SO ANGRY about how much this book has flown under the radar, because it’s amazing and so important and it addresses so many amazing things, and I just…Brandy Colbert writes the most fantastically realistic, flawed characters and I love it. Bisexual female MC + queer female side character.

Of Fire and Stars by Audrey Coulthurst: I need to mention the cover of this book, first, because OH THE GORGEOUSNESS. Also, can I say NON-HOMOPHOBIC FANTASY WORLD??? Gay female MC + gay female MC

Lumberjanes by Noelle Stevenson, Grace Ellis, Shannon Watters, and Brooke A. Allen: I shriek about this graphic novel/s every single time someone asks for a comic recommendation. It’s ridiculous in the best way and lighthearted and has the most lovable characters and can I mention the cast is ENTIRELY FEMALE? Gay female MC + Gay female MC + Trans female MC

As I Descended by Robin Talley: Gay modern day Macbeth retelling with ghosts. Want to hear that again? LESBIAN MACBETH. WHY HAVEN’T YOU READ THIS ALREADY? Gay female MC + Gay female MC

10 Things I Can See From Here by Carrie Mac: Okay, yes, this book has an awful cover but don’t let that sway you because I love this book to pieces. For one, it’s set in Vancouver, and I love Vancouver, and also it has probably one of the most realistic portrayals of anxiety I’ve ever read, AND THAT ANXIETY DOESN’T GET CURED WITH ROMANCE. Gay female MC + Gay female side character

The Cursed Queen by Sarah Fine: Okay, yes, this is a sequel, but I had to add it to the list because I’m in love with this series and this world and I LOVE IT SO MUCH. It’s gloriously stabby. Bisexual female MC + queer female MC

Queens of Geek by Jen Wilde: This book is a love letter to fandom and nerd culture and everything, AND I LOVE IT TO PIECES. I’m so, so happy this book is getting so much hype because it stands up to the hype and crushes it and I just love it, okay?? Also, I love all the characters. ALL OF THEM. They’re so fantastically written and adorable and I REALLY, REALLY LOVE THEM. Bisexual female MC + Queer female side character.

Get It Together, Delilah/The Flywheel by Erin Gough: It’s set in a bakery/cafe, which is enough to get my heart beating, but this book is just straight-up adorable. Also, if you don’t think I’m making panna cotta gelato the first chance I get YOU ARE SADLY MISTAKEN. Gay female MC + Gay female MC.

BONUS: These books don’t have queer girls as MCs, but they do have queer girls and are just overall fantastic. The Upside of Unrequited has a sideplot about the MC’s gay sister and her pansexual girlfriend, plus the most adorable moms in YA, The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue has a female character whom I’m like 99% sure is asexual, A Tyranny of Petticoats has a couple of stories that are about queer girls, as does Meet Cute

Also, did I miss any important books??? Tell me if I did because I want to know about ALL THE BOOKS with queer girls. 

Loki’s Very Special Girl

It’s Kinktober.  I am doing day 1 prompts:  Spanking, aphrodisiac, sleepy sex

Request:  I had two requests for Loki non-con, and one for Loki/Virgin, so using these.

Warning:  Non-con/rape. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS OFFENDS YOU. Also, turns into dub-con. Kinks. 

Pairing: Loki/Reader

A/N:  Loki is my muse this evening.  This is more like 3 drabbles (all about 1000 words).  Pre Avengers movie. 

Tags: @thecynicalnerd @marauderice @mac5323 @idonthavehusbandsihavelovers @negan–is–god @kellyn1604 @roschelesworld @taintedgenre @screeching-pterodactyl-fangirl @purplemuse89 @blondesouthsquad @xbergiex @bellaballanda @theariel85 @fashun–deevah 

Aphrodisiac

Your head was pounding as consciousness returned.  All you could see was pure blackness.  The first thing you did was take a deep breath.  You knew to stay calm.  S.H.I.E.L.D had trained you for hostage situations.  It never occurred to you that this particular training would come into play on your first mission, but as inexperienced as you were, there was no way you would flip out.  They had chosen you to be an Agent because of your natural talents, letting them down was not an option.

A few deep exhales calmed you enough to assess your situation.  The room itself was not black, there was a bag over your head.  You were seated in a chair, your ankles cuffed to each leg with about an inch and a half of chain, your hands to the arms with even less leeway. The chair was metal and bolted to the ground.  The only chance of escape meant the picking the cuffs.  You could feel the spot for the key, but without eyesight chances of setting your hands free was slim to none.  While it was unfavorable, you knew you had to wait until your captor arrived.  

This was not supposed to happen.  You were on a surveillance mission, looking into a possible terrorist threat in England.  Nobody should have noticed you, since your cover was the date of a diplomat.  You sipped champagne and wore a beautiful black dress, the satin still rested against your bare chest, and you wished you had opted for a more conservative look.  The target hadn’t even arrived yet.  You walked away to freshen up when there was a sharp pain in your neck.  It didn’t feel like a shot though. The blackout was instantaneous. What sort of drug had they used on you?  

Before you could dwell on the thought the sound of the door opening filled the room.  You rolled your shoulders back and tried to show no fear.  If they planned on torturing you for information they had no idea who they were up against.  You would choose death long before betrayal.  

Originally posted by loptrlaufey

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