have faith sarah

glitter on the wet streets; an orphan black spy au

Super Secret Spy Organization that has wickedly talented teenage assassins is being infiltrated! Also, teenage assassins with girlfriends.

Written for sharkodactyl

Read on AO3!


“I got fifty on Sarah,” Cosima Niehaus says after a moment, practically resting her head on the window to the training room as she watches to the two figures throw punches, dodge swings.

“No way,” Art Bell says next to her, sipping his cup of coffee. “Beth’ll get her. She hasn’t missed a single mark in, like, years.“

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And it continues….the Tayvin breakup, also known as The Moment I Knew part 3.  

I’m excited that @hiddleswiftplease will be taking over the reins for part 4 but we do ask that you PLEASE be patient.  These parts aren’t so easy to write and there is a great deal of work and collaboration that is put into each one. 

Part 1: http://lonelyandgone.tumblr.com/post/147960173691/the-moment-i-knew-a-hiddleswift-short-story

Part 2: http://lonelyandgone.tumblr.com/post/148060914371/when-i-posted-the-moment-i-knew-i-had-no-plans-to


The Moment I Knew Part 3: Destiny


She glances at the clock on the table before turning her body slightly to view Adam sleeping peacefully beside of her.  She watches him for a few moments, allowing her eyes to roam over his face, taking in his features and embedding them in her memory like it’s the last time she will ever see him.  She’s caught herself doing that several times lately, primarily when he’s asleep, when they aren’t fighting or, better yet, ignoring, each other. 

She remembers doing this when they first started dating, when she was too excited to sleep and she would just watch him for hours on end.  She wasn’t memorizing his features then as she was convinced they would be together forever so there was no need.  She’s no longer convinced of that.  Actually, she’s pretty convinced of the opposite.

He used to sleep cradled as close to her as he could get, his arm always protectively around her waist.  She adored the way she felt there, how warm and strong his arms felt, how she never wanted to leave them.  Now the inches away that he sleeps feels more like miles and his touch only comes when they are feigning intimacy. 

His breathing is soft and steady as she continues to watch him sleep and she sees a gentle smile form across his lips.  She smiles silently in response.  This is the way she will choose to remember him, she tells herself, peaceful.  Happy.  Content.  It saddens her that he is only this way anymore when he is suspended in unconsciousness.

She thinks back, trying to remember a time when he wasn’t so angry, when she wasn’t so unattached.  It saddens her that she actually has to concentrate on remembering those moments, remembering a time when they were completely and unequivocally happy.  It seems like it’s been a lifetime, even if it’s really only been a couple of months.    

Looking back now, she realizes that she sensed a problem long before she admitted to herself that there was one.  Back when he started spending more time in the studio and with his friends than with her, when he seemed uncomfortable and distant regardless where they were or what they were doing, when he stated that he never saw himself working with her even when he already had.  She knows now that she subconsciously tried to make herself more vulnerable, more open, even going against her own rule and publicly thanking him at the iHeart awards, that moment seeming to just make him more distant and uncomfortable.  She chose though to continue to look through rose colored glasses. 

Until those glasses were smashed at the met gala. 

She rolls back over in the bed and glances once more at the clock.  It’s 5:34 a.m. and sleep has yet to find her, regardless of the exhaustion she feels in every part of her body.  She figures that it is useless to even try at this point so she pushes herself out of the bed and grabs her plush robe from the nearby chair.  She glances once more at Adam as she starts to leave, her eyes scanning over the entire length of his body before she heads out of the room toward the living room.

She’s ended up here the last four mornings, wrapped up in her robe as she watches infomercials or old movies on the couch, Adam sleeping a room and a million miles away.  She knows he doesn’t even notice her absence, or at the very least, isn’t concerned about it.  She wishes she could say that it bothers her but strangely it doesn’t. 

Bringing the warmth of the robe closer to her skin, she lifts the remote and starts searching for something to occupy her mind.  She knows it’s a useless process; it has been for the last four days, because she knows what is coming next. 

He is. 

She stops pressing the channel button the instant Tom’s face enters her mind, allowing her eyes to flutter shut as she leans back into the couch and props her feet on the table in front of her.  She feels as if she is floating as images of the alluring gentleman who swept her off her feet just two weeks before dance slowly through her head.  She’s aware that she shouldn’t be doing this, that she shouldn’t permit herself to be thinking of Tom while her boyfriend sleeps just a mere feet away, but she can’t control it and part of her, or all of her, doesn’t want to. 

She has relived every moment from the gala over and over in her head since the moment the elevator door closed and Tom’s handsome face was taken from her.  Even now, she feels his hands on her back, feels his warm breath on her neck and the scent of his cologne still tickles her nose.  It’s all she has, she thinks, of the serendipitous night where she met the man who brought life to her words, the man who met and exceeded every lyrical picture she has ever painted of the perfect love.

Part of her has felt like she has gone mad, chasing the memories and feelings that he left with her.  Part of her curses herself for not stopping the elevator door and running back into his arms to stay there forever.  All of her has accepted the guilt she has for feeling this way for a man she doesn’t call her boyfriend.  Accepted, she thinks, she’s accepted the guilt.

Four days ago, she hadn’t accepted it.  Four days ago, she asked Adam to come here, to come to paradise, to see if there was any way she could feel with him even remotely what she feels for Tom.  She knew it was in vain, knew it was unlikely, but morally she felt like she needed to try.  Instead, this trip has only strengthened her belief that her connection with Tom is magical and extraordinary.  Once in a lifetime.  What she’s written about her entire life but needed Tom to truly understand. 

Reluctantly, she forces herself back to reality and she absent mindedly grabs for the remote control again before her vision latches onto the television screen.  She instantly recognizes the movie playing before her and it brings a knowing smile to her face.  Serendipity. 

Serendipity.  A word she equates so much to Tom.

Her heart warms as she acknowledges the appropriateness and she settles back into the couch, lost in the magical love story playing out onscreen.  It’s not long though before her mind finds its way back to Tom and their single remarkable night.

She contemplates if she understood the magnitude of that night, of Tom’s entrance into her life.  If she fully understood what was going on between them in their silence, watching each other disappear behind an elevator door.  She doesn’t believe she did.  She’s unsure if she fully does now.  But as she settles further back into the couch, the words of the movie she is watching fills her ears. 

“You don’t have to understand.  You just have to have faith,” Sarah says to Johnathan.  “Faith in what,” he questions.  “Faith in destiny.”

Destiny, she smiles.  She likes that word. 

She glances back at the bedroom door, thinking briefly of Adam, the man she has given 15 months of her life to, before her mind shifts back to Tom … the man who gave her a glimpse of the love she longs for.  She knows that only she can control her destiny and that it’s time for her to take steps to do so.  Regardless of how difficult she knows it is going to be, she realizes that it is time to truly let go of the man who let go of her long before.


She makes breakfast a couple hours later, setting plates of scrambled eggs, wheat toast and fruit on the balcony table just as Adam wakes.  He lazily kisses her cheek, the entire interaction devoid of emotion, before he sits down and starts pouring himself a glass of orange juice.

She watches him eat for a few moments before she turns her gaze to the ocean before them.  She loves how the waves sound as they crash against the shore, loves how the fresh saltwater cleanses her senses.  It’s not lost on her that the entire atmosphere of this beautiful island screams romance and desire yet she has felt none of that since they arrived.  She knows that he hasn’t either. 

He finishes his breakfast without her even touching hers and they both sit in silence as they take in the beautiful Bahamian morning.  “We came here to fix things,” she says, finally, her gentle words sounding more like a sledgehammer as it breaks through their silence.  He moves his gaze to her but she keeps hers away from him.  “We didn’t fix anything.  I don’t know that either of us even wants to fix things.”

“Taylor,” he starts but she turns to him and holds a finger up to stop him. 

“Please … . just let me say this.”  She can feel her tears burning at the edge of her eyes and she fights to hold them in.  She knows she needs to be strong for these words need to be said. 

“I was so impressed with you when we met.  Impressed that you didn’t go running at the mention of my name, that you weren’t scared of what being with me meant.”  She removes her eyes from his and, again, rests them on the ocean in front of her.  “I was at a point in my life where I was convinced no man would ever be able to deal with my life.  I even understood that.  I understood, and still understand, how difficult it is to have your name constantly in the headlines and to have false stories created about you simply because I’m your girlfriend.  I loved that this didn’t scare you.”  She takes a deep breath, contemplating her words, before she continues.  “But I think it scares you now.”

From the corner of her eye, she sees him lower his head, and she instantly knows that her words are affecting him.  “I think, perhaps, we got wrapped up in things.  In the excitement of this new romance, of how well we meshed together physically and we kind of lost sight of how a relationship is supposed to work.”

She hears him laugh as he scoffs, “And how is that, Taylor?”

“Like a team,” she states firmly as she glares at him, “you know that we never worked that way.  But it didn’t matter because I was on tour and gone so much that we didn’t have to face it.  We allowed our relationship to survive on the excitement of simply seeing each other again after being separated for a while.  And that was ok, because we loved each other, we loved being with each other.”

As her eyes rest on him, her tears start to spill over and stream down her face.  She quickly wipes at them before she continues.  “I couldn’t wait to get home to you when I was on tour.  I couldn’t wait to see the excitement in your eyes when she saw me.  All I wanted was to kiss you and hold you and be with you.  You felt like home to me.  You were home to me.  You were what I longed for when I was thousands of miles away.  And you longed for me.  I saw it, I felt it every time we came back together.  It was real.”

He turns his head slightly so that he can see her and she sees the hint of tears starting to well up in his eyes.  It pains her because tears are something she never saw from him in all of the time they have been together.  “It was real,” he repeats as he nods and quickly wipes at a tear that escapes down his cheek.

“It’s not real anymore,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper as she fights to keep her tears at bay.  “I don’t know what went wrong.  I’ve analyzed, probably overanalyzed, everything for the past few months to try to pinpoint the moment when it changed.  But then I realized that there wasn’t a moment.  It was just a culmination of many moments.   I was home from the tour.  You were so busy in the studio.  The pressure you were under was insane.  It took me a while to even realize that you were distancing yourself from me.”

“I didn’t fucking mean to, Taylor,” he says, his voice low but gruff, “I just didn’t know how to deal with it all.  I thought … I told myself … that I could deal with being labeled as Taylor Swift’s boyfriend.  I did deal with that for a long fucking time.  But then I started working on this new music and I start reaching out to all of these people I’ve worked with before and I start realizing that nobody even fucking knows my name anymore because I’m just Taylor Swift’s boyfriend.”    

“That’s not true,” she says, shaking her head. 

“It is fucking true, Taylor.  You know that.  It’s the entire reason you didn’t want your name on that song.  Because you are well aware that your name will always come before mine.” 

“I didn’t want to overshadow the song.”

“Exactly,” he scoffs as he shakes his hands out in front of him, “you didn’t want to overshadow the song.  And I thank you for that.  For real, I do.  But that’s exactly my point.  You knew, you know, that in this industry, I will never compete with you.”

She shakes her head, “But it’s not a competition, Adam.”

He quiets for a moment and she can tell he is mulling over his words.  “It shouldn’t be.  I didn’t think it would be.  But then here I am, working on new music, trying to find this amazing sound, and at every corner I’m having to deal with the knowledge that my girlfriend is a Grammy winner, my girlfriend writes amazing lyrics and melodies, my girlfriend is the fucking standard in the music industry … . how in the hell am I supposed to live up to that?”

She takes in his words, feeling the pit form in her stomach as she processes them.  “So you resent me?  Is that what this is?”

She sees the breath hitch in his chest and he shakes his head slowly before he looks away from her.  “No … yes.”  He lowers his head, still shaking it slowly as he does.  “I don’t know, Taylor.  I didn’t expect it to be like this.  I wasn’t really working on much when we started dating and you were on tour and yeah, everything felt so right.  I lived for the days when you were with me.  It was like I couldn’t fucking breathe when you were gone and then you would come storming back into my life and everything would be new and exciting again for a few days and then you would leave again.  I got twisted up in that cycle, the highs and the lows of it.  It sounds crazy but it was like a drug, you were a drug, that I couldn’t get enough of.  And it didn’t matter because I didn’t have anything else that I needed to focus on.  I only had to focus on you.” 

He leans back in his chair and she watches as he rubs his hands down his face.  “Taylor, I know it may not sound like it but I’m so very proud of you.  I know how fucking hard this industry is.  I know what you have been through, how you’ve busted your ass to get what you have.  And I’m amazed at everything you’ve accomplished.  I mean … . look what you’ve done and your just 26 years old.  But for one second, just one second, put yourself in my place.  And you will see that no matter what I do, no matter what I bloody accomplish, it’s not going to be enough.  I will never live up to your standard.”

She can’t hold back her tears anymore as she listens intently to his words.  She closes her eyes, pushing the salty liquid over and allowing them to spill down her cheeks without any attempt to stop them.  She takes in his words, listening to, and even understanding, all that he is saying. 

“Why didn’t you just leave,” she asks solemnly, her eyes stinging as she opens them on him, “why did you drag me along, clinging to some hope that we could make it.  Adam, it’s been months.  You’ve been gone from this relationship for months.  Why didn’t you just leave?”

“Because I love you,” he says bluntly, throwing his hands up in the air, “because I may not be in love with you right now but I still fucking love you.  I still think you are amazing.  I still see that you tick boxes that I didn’t know existed.  I’m well aware that there isn’t another Taylor out there.  So I couldn’t leave.  Because part of me still clings to some bloody hope that I will stop feeling this way and start being in love with you again.  But let’s be honest here, Taylor.”  He moves his gaze fully to her, locking his jaw as he stares for a few moments.  “Let’s not act like I’m the only one who checked out of this relationship.  Because part of the reason I couldn’t fully let you go was because you were still hanging on.  But you’ve changed.  You’re not the same person anymore.  You let go.”

She looks at him, nodding her head as tears burn hot streams down her swollen cheeks.  He’s right, she knows that.  Two weeks ago, she let go.  Without even truly acknowledging it, she gave up the fight.  When one magical night, and one extraordinary man, made her realize what she had been missing and made her feel more alive and more wanted than she ever has in her life. 

When Adam no longer felt like home to her. 

“You didn’t come here to fix this, Taylor,” he says softly, breaking her from her thoughts, “you came here to end this … . . And so did I.”

She tries not to watch the tears fall down his cheeks, tries to ignore the pain she hears loud and clear in his voice.  She knows that neither of them ever expected their relationship to end up like this, for him to resent her because she overshadows his success; for her to resent him because he’s not the man who consumes her thoughts.  

She glances at him again before lowering her head and rubbing her hands together in her lap.  “We both deserve to be happy, Adam.”  She sees him nod from the corner of her eye.  “And that’s not going to happen with each other.  We’ve become stagnant.  We aren’t a team, the way we should be.  We aren’t a priority to each other anymore, we just exist in each other’s lives.  It’s not right.  It’s not fair.”

“I know,” he says softly.

“But I want you to know how unbelievably thankful I am for you.  Because you showed me that I’m not a lost cause.  You showed me that someone will stay.”

He laughs uncomfortably, “Just not long enough.”

“Long enough for me to realize that I don’t have to be the crazy cat lady.”  Her words elicit another laugh from him, this one real and meaningful. 

They allow the laughter to dissipate between then and then he turns his head to the side and smiles at her.  She takes not of how genuine it is and she realizes this is the first genuine smile he’s shown her in months.  “So what do we do now?”

She contemplates his question, keeping her eyes on him as she bites at her bottom lip.  After a few seconds, she shrugs.  “I guess we go home.  And we live.”

“Those are some pretty simple words,” he laughs, “for someone who writes with the complexity that you do.”

“Live is a simple word but living sure is a complex process.”

He nods, a gentle smile forming on his lips, “that I agree with.”

She sits with him in silence for a few minutes, both trying to navigate the new territory between them.  She’s been with this man for 15 months and it took 15 minutes for them to finally admit that it was over.  After a while, she watches him leave, saying that he wanted to get a quick workout in before they head back to the States.  He stops just before he enters the door, turning and telling her that he hopes they both find their happiness before he disappears inside. 

As her eyes slip away from where he was, she knows that she already has. 

They fly home a short time later, discussing plans on how to release information of their breakup and agreeing to wait a short time before Tree informs People magazine.  Adam then settles into his seat and places his headset on as she turns her gaze to the airplane window and watches the passing clouds.  

She wonders where he is.  If he is in London, back in the States or maybe elsewhere in the world.  She wonders how often he thinks of her, briefly wondering if he still thinks of her at all, but quickly dismisses the thought after a vision of his face appears reminding her of how broken he was the moment she left him.   The connection she felt with him that night has never weakened and, even without any words, there is no doubt in her mind that he still feels it too.

The music escaping from Adam’s headset touches her ears and she turns to look at him once more.  She knows there are going to be difficult waters to navigate soon and she’s unsure how Adam will respond to it, she’s unsure how anyone will respond to it.  She bites at her bottom lip and moves her gaze back to the passing clouds as she starts to consider how she will approach the next steps in her life, in the destiny she believes so much in. 

Without instigation, her mind goes back to the Tumblr image that popped onto her phone screen moments after she left Tom in the hotel lobby. 

Love.  Is.  Patient. 

Love is patient, she smiles to herself, but she knows her destiny awaits her.  Wherever in the world he may be right now. 

Empire of Storms: The Fifth Book In The Throne of Glass Series!!!

First off, let me just say


Originally posted by l-azu-li

Originally posted by marcys-mareep

There is something I noticed, however that is a little weird. Empire of Storms is only about half the size of Queen of Shadows. It’s 384 pages, guys. 

Originally posted by giffoldersoyeah

Originally posted by writingfeathers

I’m not gonna lie, it worries me just a teenie tiny bit. Just a little. But I have faith in Sarah and although it’s a lot of pressure of her, I know she won’t give us anything less than her all and satisfy our ToG needs. 

Maybe I didn’t feel the most loved today or the happiest. But I did feel like I was growing up. I felt peace in the middle of a storm. I felt like I still believed beautiful and wonderful things could happen, and they would happen, I just needed to have a little more faith.
—  Sarah el