You woke up the next morning to the sound of things moving around in your kitchen. Panic instantly began to take over your chest as you racked your brain on who it could have been. Your mind traveled to the night before. Jaebum had tried to get you to stay, both with your job and with him. It was inappropriate though and as badly as you wanted to know what it felt like to have your body pressed against his in the heat of a passionate kiss, you just couldn’t do it. You had left like you had came, alone in the black SUV after telling Jaebum you were handing in your apron.
Your turned the corner and another sound came from the kitchen so you grabbed the first thing you could find, which in this case happened to be a meat mallet you had revived as a present and never moved to the kitchen. You spun it once in your hand before rounding the corner and swinging at the first body you saw. You came in contact with a stomach, a loud growl was let out of the body as it hunched over and then you realized who you had just hit.
“Oh my god Yugyeom!” You said dropping the mallet and kneeling down next to him. You looked up to see BamBam and Jackson laughing hysterically at the youngest who was now purple in the face from being winded. You got him to stand and propped him against the counter before lifting up his shirt to expose the large red rectangle that centered his abdomen.
“Shit I’m sorry, you guys scared me.” You said running your fingers over it.
“You sure do have a swing on you.” He tried to laugh.
You just gave him a sorry smile before making your way over to the freezer to get a pack of frozen corn for him to press onto his stomach. Once you got him to hold it you turned back to the others and crossed your arms, now trying to hide the fact you were braless under the over sized shirt you slept in.
“So we were sad to see you weren’t there this morning, are you sick?” Jackson asked reaching into the box of cereal he helped himself to.
“Oh, Jaebum didn’t tell you?” You asked hugging yourself tighter, the memory of his lips against yours surfacing once again.
“No?” Bambam answered, his eyebrows pressing together.
“I uh.. I quit.” You said quietly, all eyes barring down on you now.
“Why did you quit?” Yugyeom asked.
“It just wasn’t the right job for me.” You lied.
“Not the right job for you? But we’ve all got so close? I’m pretty sure it was you who said you’d rather be working for friends than anything else?” Jackson said slamming the box of cereal on the counter, making you jump slightly.
“That’s not the reason. You’re lying.” BamBam said pointing a finger.
“Bullshit, y/n!” He yelled as Jackson and Yugyeom shot him warning looks to calm down.
“I don’t know what you-”
“Tell us the truth!” He said running hand through his red hair.
“Did something happen with Jaebum?” Jackson asked.
“I’m going to kill him if he hurt you.” BamBam said earning a smack on the head from Jackson.
You couldn’t focus on that though. Hearing his name made tingles run down your spine and the thought of him made your cheeks flush. They all noticed before it was too late and all rounded on you.
“What happened with Jaebum, y/n?” Jackson said with an amused grin.
“It’s nothing.” You said trying to avoid their eye contact.
“Did you and he… do it?” BamBam said, all anger gone.
“Oh no no…” you said biting your lip. “I had a little to much wine and kissed him.”
“On the mouth?” Yugyeom asked wide eyed, they all seemed to be more shocked at the news of kissing him than the two of you sleeping together.
“How else do you kiss someone?” You asked making BamBam chuckled loudly.
“Oh my god… I don’t know wether to be happy or worried!” He said turning towards Jackson. “That’s so great oh my god. Alright, go get dressed we should get going the guys are going to be hungry.” He said still laughing.
“No, BamBam…” You said causing them all to look at you again. “Im not going back. I can’t I’m mortified.”
“Y/n, listen.” BamBam said walking over and putting hands on either side of your arms. “You owe it to us to come back, we’ve all kinds started to see you as family. Plus, we’ll starve.” He said making you smile slightly.
“Im sorry B.” You said before backing out of the kitchen and going back to your room where you shut the door.
You listened intently for the front door to close, and when it did you sighed in relief. You knew you had just disappointed all of the boys and you wish there was a way for you to apologize face to face but there was no way you were going to go back to the house and you didn’t have any of their numbers to meet up else where. You felt like a coward, you weren’t afraid to admit it. But if your father knew you kissed your boss? Thats just a conversation you did not want to have to deal with.
‘Where’s y/n?’ Mark asked walking in last to the office everyone was sat in. 'I just went to go get food and no ones there.’ He said like it was new news.
BamBam just looked at Jaebum, half expecting him to tell everyone what happened but wasn’t surprised when he didnt. It would have been less awkward if he did just tell everyone. The way he changed the topic made everyone skeptical.
After you had left the night before Jaebum sat at the table for the next four hours, just thinking about you. He didn’t actually think you weren’t going to come back the next morning so when you didn’t show up, and then didn’t show up again when BamBam had gotten back his mood spiraled down. He couldn’t concentrate on the speech he was trying to scare into the men around him. He kept forgetting what he was saying every time he thought he heard one of your pans hitting itself below him and when the other boys spoke back all he could think about was your lips against his.
He finally had enough of the stares everyone was giving him so he waved his hand indicating that they needed to leave, and they did. But not before openly talking about going to see you.
'You’re the one who needs to go see her.’ BamBam said, still sitting with his feet on the large desk.
'What are you talking about.’ Jaebum spat, his face softening slightly when BamBam rose and eyebrow at him.
'She told me that she kissed you. Kiss you- your mouth.’ He said sternly, mainly so Jaebum knew he wasn’t going to turn this into a joke.
'Whats the big deal?’ Jaebum snapped again.
'The big deal is you don’t do that. You’ve never done that for as long as I’ve known you.
'You don’t know that for a fact.’ Jaebum said with a sharp chuckle.
'Really? Jaebum, I know you. We all know you. 'never let the women know you care’ your dad basically drilled that into all of us.’
Jaebum just stood there, knowing perfectly well that BamBam was right. That he never let his lips touch another. It was a sign of power loss, a gateway into the heart and he wasn’t ever going to put his power at risk.
'You need to go to her. Like today before she really leaves us.’ BamBam added standing up. He threw Jaebum a worried smirk before starting to walk out of the room.
'I can’t bring her into all of this.’ Jaebum said sitting harshly in his chair before rubbing his face.
'Then don’t? We’ve kept her out of his this long. I would just be conscious that it will eventually find her. She’s a tough girl though.’ BamBam said with a soft smile now as Jaebum nodded.
'You’ve always been one of the smarter ones. Despite you being an actual psychopath.’ He said making BamBam chuckle before leaving the room
It hadn’t even been a full 24 hours since you last seen the boys and you already missed them like crazy. Especially BamBam. You found yourself laughing at things on the tv and immediately think about which boy you were going to tell that too, but only to get sad when you realized it probably wouldn’t happen.
You felt terrible by the time dinner rolled around. You hadn’t changed out of your large shirt or sleeping shorts and you were pretty sure the hair tie that held your hair in a messy bun was now apart of you hair. You decided it wasn’t worth cooking tonight, it would just make you miss the boys even more. You groaned loudly, it was stupid that you felt that way. You barley knew them there was no reason for you to pout. Still, takeout sounded a lot better than your own food.
You were just about to press call on the number you saved for lazy evenings and drunk nights when there was a quick two knocks on your front door. You looked at the phone before tossing it to the couch and stumbling sleepily over to the front door. You swung the door open almost a little to hard and froze. In all his glory was the one person you had been actively trying not to think about. Your heart fluttered as a light laugh followed by a blush touched his face as he took in your attire.
'Jaebum…’ You said biting on your lip nervously before realizing how rude you were being.
'Um, come in.’ You said stepping to the side.
You slowly closed the door and held the handle for a good few seconds before taking a deep breath and turning back to Jaebum. He was already facing you, a nervous smile set on his lips as he tried to figure out what to say to you.
“The boys were all sad you didn’t come today.” He said, internally kicking himself.
“Yeah, um… BamBam, Jackson and Yugyeom stopped by this morning.”
“Gyeom has a nasty bruise thanks to you.” He said making you chuckle lightly. “Look, y/n… Im sorry about last night. Kissing you was unprofessional and I shouldn’t have done it.” He said with sad eyes.
“Im the one who kissed you.” You said biting you lip again, the thought of his lips against yours making every nerve in your body stand at attention. “I don’t think I’m sorry about it though.” You added.
His smile faltered but was soon replaced by an even bigger one. He opened his mouth to say something but then closed it, all he wanted to do was kiss you.
“I was just about to order in. Would you like to join me?” You asked biting your lip, not quite sure what it was you were doing, only knowing you’d kick yourself for not doing it.
“I would love to.” He said shrugging out of his jacket and placing it over the nearest chair. “But only if you agree to come back tomorrow.
It was like being with a friend. You sat together poking around at the food you had ordered until it grew cold, laughing at the comments each of you made. He didn’t mind watching the show that had been rerunning all day, in fact he found the whole TV mafia crime plot very amusing, and your comments made it even better and he found himself thinking 'If you only knew.’ quite a bit.
"Okay but how stupid is this guy, like yeah let me just go check on my wear house stashed full of drugs because I think someone might break in with no gun and no back up like please.” You said shaking your head as you placed the empty plate on the coffee table by his feet and brought your knees to your chest.
“So stupid.” He laughed shaking his head.
“Right! This show makes me so mad its so unrealistic.” You laughed, looking over to see him smile.
You felt your cheeks flush with his stare as he looked at you with a soft smile. You took your hand and pushed on his shoulder, trying to turn the attention back to the show you were watching, but the feeling of him still looking at you made it hard to focus. You turned back to him and the two of you laughed. You couldn’t stop looking at his lips, but didn’t want to make another first move, so instead you settled with resting your head on his shoulder and pulling the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch over your cold legs. You looked back to the Tv and felt him soften as his hand reached out for yours.
Your mind raced so fast that you could hardly focus on the fight scene that was happening in front of you. You tried so hard not to look at him again, but the feeling of his thumb stroking the side of your hand made it hard. You gave in, trying as discreetly as you could to raise your eyes to see as much of his face as you could. You blushed, he was already looking at you. You brought your head back to see him more clearly, everything about him from this distance was so different. He was so much softer, his lips were so much pinker and his eyes held this shine to them that made your cheeks tingle.
“I’d like to ask you something.” He said softly shifting slightly so he was half facing you, his arm finding its way around the back of the couch. “If I were to ask you to dinner, just the two of us what would you say?”
“Are you asking me on a date?” You said biting your lip as you smiled, your heart felt like it was going to burst out of your chest. You watched as he laughed and looked a way for a second, the tops of his cheeks turning slightly pink.
“Yes. Yes, I am asking you out on a date.”
“And a date where I don’t have to cook!” You said making him laugh now.
“No, you don’t have to cook.”
“I’d love to.” You said softly while giving his hand a light squeeze.
“Can I kiss you now?” Jaebum asked biting at the corner of his mouth.
You didn’t even respond, you just let him lean over to you, one hand resting against your hip while the other still laid across the back of the couch. The moment his lips found yours you melted. It felt so natural to be kissing him with the way your hands slipped so easily around his neck and how soft the ends of his hair was against the tips of your fingers. He pushed into the kiss till you were laying on your back. He hovered above you, your mouths moving in sync as one of his hand traveled up to your hot cheek. You wrapped one arm around his supporting arm, smiling softly at the muscle that bulged from his position.
“Why are you smiling?” He asked breaking away from you slightly. You didn’t respond, just squeezed his arms and giggled again before pulling him back down to kiss you. This time he was smiling into the kiss, leaving soft small pecks all over your mouth and face until you were smiling too.
“Stop you’re so weird.” You giggled hitting his chest lightly. He laughed softly and looked at you before kissing you one more time, this time it was more serious. It wasn’t a short kiss but it wasn’t a complicated one. It was just perfect.
When he pulled away he pulled you up with him and gently helped you crawl until your head was resting on his chest and both of your attentions were turned back towards the tv. You breathed in taking in the sweet scent of his skin, you’re eyes starting to feel heavy.
“You know this could technically be out first date.” You said. He wrapped his arms around your back as he chuckled, the vibration in his chest making you bite your lip.
“I guess we did have dinner and a movie. Even if the movie totally sucked.” He said, mocking your words.
You chuckled again and blinked slowly. The two of you fell quiet, his hand rubbed your back softly as your eyelids started to get heavy. You yawned softly and his arms tightened around your again, encouraging you to fall asleep, and you did. You fell asleep to the sound of his breathing and the soft beat of his heart as he held onto you like his life depended on it. The moment you relaxed into sleep he smiled. He never realized how much he needed you to be there laying across him, your hand softly grabbing to his shirt in your sleep. He wanted to close his eyes, sleep was so close to him but there was something about how soft and cute you looked that made it hard to close his eyes. He prayed you would stay that way. That you would continue to bring him this new feeling of giddiness and comfort.
I live inside my own brain but love to step outside of it. I have dreams
of travel, and becoming a writer. I am going to college and plan on
studying linguistics and languages. I study French, and plan on studying
German. I would love to meet new people and write letters, were we make
fiction stories, or debate, and maybe become friends. I LOVE packages
and would be into sending them to someone.
“The problem is, you’re in my fucking head and I didn’t ask you in.”
“So what? So what? Really. What, you think I’m going to see something I shouldn’t? I’m going to learn some deep hidden secrets, something important? Yeah well, relax. I could care less. Frankly, there’s not much here that’s, uh, even interesting.”
“I don’t fucking care. You’re inside my mind. MY mind. You wanna talk to me, get the fuck out. Come and see me like a normal person. Or whatever you are.”
The man cocked his head slightly and seemed to almost smile before turning away. I was aware that he wasn’t what he was trying to be. I knew his appearance was simply a projection. Because he was without doubt the most nondescript, ordinary looking man I had ever seen. Plus he was in my goddamn mind like some poorly written sci-fi plot device.
“Oh, I’m not a person,” he said calmly, “ and you’re not even real, so an actual face to face meeting? Well, you’d need to have a face for that to happen.”
“I’m the one who’s not real?” I replied, and glanced around the bland conference room that had been chosen for this little talk. “ I see. You’re real. I’m not. So you’re NOT in my head. I’m in your head pretending that you’re in my head.”
“I’m not real either, you small minded, thought crippled, self centered delusion.“he said and turned abruptly to face me. An odd trick of light made it appear that he had no eyes.“Humans. Why do you even have brains? You refuse to use them. You’re a traveler. You’ve seen the multiverse. Even your fractional awareness must have an inkling of what infinity means. But you, like every single human ever, persist in harbouring this arrogant childish notion that it was all made for you. It all revolves around you. Because you’re so special.”
“Hmm. Apparently I don’t have to worry about what you’ll see in here. Because you obviously can’t see shit. I’m the last person, or uh, whatever I am, that thinks there’s anything special about me. Or the human race for that matter. Which, since I’m not real, must not be real either.”
“You don’t even understand what reality is, do you? Of course you don’t.” he said and stepped closer. His eyes remained hidden.“ To yourself, you’re real. Those around you, they’re real. In this specific fragmented layer. I’m the same. But nothing, not one single thing, that anybody in your or my reality ever does will mean anything. As far as true reality goes, we’re all a single rain drop falling into an ocean.”
“Nice metaphor. Poetic even. Mind if I steal it?”
“Just curious.” he said softly and for some reason I found myself trying to lean away from him,“ Why are you lying? Not to me. To yourself.”
“I’m not. I’m…”
“When you discovered you had the talent to manipulate Urdoji energy, you realized you were dual realm.” he said and I wanted him out so fucking bad and that meant shit.“ Here, you idiots who’ve never even conceptualized the possibility of another realm have it undeniably introduced to you, and the only one who can read both lines is you? Oh, don’t even pretend you didn’t get that jolt. A middle capacity mule who’s got a trick the hottest riders don’t?”
“So fucking what? It’s done what for me?” I asked, and tried to will myself to step back but I couldn’t.“So I can hear. Big deal. Big fucking deal. It makes me a wiretap. Not a hero. Not special.”
“God, seriously. Do you ever listen to yourself?” he leaned forward. Still no eyes. Creepy as fuck.“ You know, you say that so often. Even when it’s not necessary. But you, ordinary nobody that you claim to be, have been thinking about how to cut the Urdoji line. Yeah, see, I can see what’s going on in here. You want to be the hero. You just don’t want the responsibility that comes with trying. You’re not even afraid of failing. You’re afraid of trying. Because then people will expect you to keep trying. People might even…rely on you.”
“Okay look, I’m not Matt Damon and you’re sure the fuck not Robin Williams. So save the fucking critique of my self esteem issues and character flaws. I’m not real, you’re not real, which means what the fuck is this other than an opportunity for you to be a big bag of dicks?”
“The Urdoji can destabilize your realm.”
“My tiny weak little fucking brain already figured that out.”
“This will destroy your realm.”
“Gee, thanks Fox News but I got that figured out too.”
“This will, in turn, destroy the Urdoji realm.”
“Well hey, silver lining.” I said and finally stopped fighting to move away. “So we go, we take them with us. Sorry if I’m missing out on the boo hoo factor here.”
“That will start a chain reaction.”
“Chain..” I found myself leaning towards him. Trying to see eyes. “How many realms are there?”
“More than two, and that’s all that should matter.”
“Ah, yeah okay. I got it.” I said and smiled without actually smiling. “The chain reaction will reach YOUR realm. Good. Great. So do something about it. Us humans are too short bus. YOU can do something then, genius.”
“Really. Yeah this is..”
“Where is home?”
“What? The fuck? I’m a traveler. Noplace is home. Everywhere is home.”
“Where is home?”
I stopped trying to see his eyes. Something told me that whatever eyes were watching me, I didn’t want to see them. Not now.
“Terra Prime Main-Chaotic.”
“I didn’t ask you where you started.” he said and his voice seemed to come from everywhere at once.“You don’t want to answer. Because you don’t want to HAVE an answer. So I’ll answer for you. This is home. The place you don’t believe you can have. The place you’re terrified of wanting. Because you’ve never belonged. Anywhere. Ever. And you’ve accepted it because you’ve been told that’s how it is. How it has to be. A bunch of pseudo-scientific quasi mythological bullshit to justify a very simple truth. Having no home means having no responsibility to a place. To people. There’s no obligation to do better, make things better. Save the denial. I see you know I’m right.”
“Yeah? Once again, so what?” I said, but somehow my voice suddenly sounded like the scared sixteen year old kid saying yes to his first step. “ You’ve told me how stupid I am. Now you’re telling me how inadequate I am. None of this means shit. If my danger is your danger, then my fight is your fight. You’re so much better than I am, start fighting.”
“We would if we could.” he said, and oddly enough I believed him completely. “We can’t physically reach here. In fact, we can’t non physically reach here. Well, we haven’t been able to. Until now.”
“Oh great.” I said, almost punching his eyeless face.“Another stupid reason that I’m a special little flower. I’m just a fucking mule, remember? Nobody will believe, or give a shit what I tell them, no matter what you tell me.”
“I know.” he said and smiled grimly.“ I know you can’t do it. Trust me, you’d be hard pressed to find anyone in ANY reality with less faith in you than I have. But this is your home. You’ve found your home at last. And it’s the place that will burn first. So fight for it. If you’re going to finally fight for something, for the first time ever, home is a good choice. Fight for it. Prove me wrong.”
It was impossible to not feel manipulated. But it was also impossible to deny the truth.
DErs: Damon suffers the most! He just got the girl, now he lost her! It’s not fair! Stop torturing our baby!
SErs: Damon forced himself on Stefan’s girl and eventually succeeded, he killed Stefan’s best friend (who was always there for him) on his birthday, Stefan drowned for 3 months, ended up having ptsd and amnesia, got fucked in the brain by the travellers and continues being tortured even though he’s one the most selfless people on TVD.
Some people say that night is a dark time, but not me. I see the forgiving reflections off the traffic signs. I see the bold streetlights, like a lighthouse in the sea, casting their light for my sole benefit. I see the glimmers of the moon. I see the stars.
The mix CD I’ve played for myself four dozen times again gets to my favorite song. The voice washes over me, and the crescendos of sound smooth my mind. I sing along, somehow still not knowing the words, my mouth producing the sounds but not the language.
I lose track of distance. How far have I traveled in this moment of bliss? Has my brain prevailed amidst its own distraction? I wake to check my surroundings. I’m that much closer to home but, for some reason, tonight I don’t want to stop driving. I guess I don’t want this feeling to end.
Forty-five miles an hour is the worst speed to travel. My foot begs for sixty, my mind cautions forty. How many times have I driven this same route unaware of the limit, never once seeking out the law’s verdict? I shiver as I worry about my risk.
My mood degrades rapidly as my least favorite song on the album begins. I could skip it with a brief click of my finger, but I don’t. I take pity and let it play its notes, devoid of emotion, vanquished of soul. Have I gained anything for giving it its three minutes of time? Has my self-discipline increased, has my character emerged victorious? Or have I, in my infinitely insignificant choice, merely caused myself a glimpse of grief for no purpose but my own punishment?
The streets grew darker now, as I approached my house. Were it not but for my lack of adventure, my fear of the unknown, I might have pushed my car forward down the straight streets that night, missing my turn to abandon my goal and start another. But I didn’t. I slid into my driveway, released the key to my hand, and opened the door to the freezing wind.
I’ve seen so many positive reactions on the “Eruri” scene in the latest chapter and I’m gonna add my own thoughts to this. Not really the ship Eruri, more on the way fans percieve SnK and how Isayama writes the story. The way this chapter was written and the reactions to the Eruri scene really sums it up.
This is the scene people are praising, like something good is actually happening. I’ve asked myself so many times if I actually read the same story as many of the fans here on tumblr, and I think I got my answer today. Yes, ofc I read the same story. We have the same manga in front of us, so there is an illusion of “we are experiencing the same story” when we actually aren’t.
Most of us have eyes we watch the pages with, but that’s about all we have in common. The signals the eyes send to our brain travels through layers and layers of programs, programs created since we were born. I talk about childhood traumas, that toy your sister broke, parents that didn’t know how to show love, abuse, abandonment, fears.. All of that are codes running in our minds, codes that twist whatever signals comes from our senses and creates what we percieve is happening in front of us. That’s why we all have so different experiences, even if we are standing in the same room witnessing the same scene. That’s how different opinions are created.
But can we talk the women in this episode. Even with Tamika and her armyout of commission, women did all of the heavy lifting in this episode.
Maureen must have some serious brains to have figured out the whole “alternate dimension travel” thing, but what really excites me is the female leaders of the revolution.
Dana rescued Cecil. Dana, so excited that she may one day be great, but not seeing her current greatness Dana, who survived the dog park and the desert, has a freaking army. Those tall figures - her army.
Mayor Pamela Winchell is fighting for her town.
And Old Woman Josie is back, and she still has her angels.
Look at these woman. They are woman of color. They range from children to the elderly. Some are warrior-like, some philosophical and caring.
They are leaders. Tamika, Dana, Josie, they inspire others to follow them, even into war.
AN: So this turned out to be a bit more of a beast than I thought so I apologize for the excessive length…and all ridiculous typos I probably missed. I hope you enjoy!
Still the One
“And in the end, we were all just humans drunk on the idea that love, only love could heal our brokenness” - F. Scott Fitzgerald.
Movement across the jungle gym caught Jennifer’s eye as she sat on the playground bench and kept a close watch on the fair haired little boy that owned her heart these days. He skipped around chatting animatedly with a few of the other children after telling his mother that he wanted some independence, sounding much older than his five years would suggest.
It had been 9 years since she had last seen his face.
The face of a broken man.
The face of the man that she had broken.
And here he was, in front of her after 9 long years.
How irreparably changed their lives had been in the years that had passed when she let the love of her life walk out the door.