DO YOU KNOW WHAT HURTS ME SO VERY MUCH?
The thought of how Obi-Wan must have been looking forward to the end of the war, not just for the end to the fighting and the stress, but that he could show Anakin what the Jedi were supposed to be.
That Anakin could finally see the Jedi in peace, that Anakin could finally see Mace Windu smiling gently at the younglings, that Anakin could finally see Jedi Masters teaching their students without a war hanging over their heads, without all that darkness. To see the days when the Initiates had no more worries than their upcoming exams, the Padawans not having to deal with the threat of their Master’s death to an unreasonable degree, to long days spent in meditation because they had the time for it.
That Obi-Wan was looking forward to the Jedi clearing away this darkness once and for all, that Anakin could know what it was like to live in a galaxy free of that darkness that had spread everywhere.
That Anakin could live in a galaxy with Jedi who weren’t caught up in the war and instead could separate themselves from the Senate and politics, so they could help people, like they were meant to.
That Anakin could be made a Jedi Master when he was ready for it, not when the war pushed them into things none of them were ready for.
That none of them would have to push themselves beyond their limits because the Senate wasn’t ordering them to battle after battle after battle, because Dooku and Grievous were trying to enslave another world. They wouldn’t have to make the choice between this one more piece of themselves vs an entire world being enslaved. They could take time for themselves again.
That they could be the Jedi that Obi-Wan remembered them as.
There were still bits and pieces of it that Anakin got to see. It wasn’t that rare to see Master Yoda teaching a class of younglings and being silly while he did it–but that darkness was there the entire time Anakin was at the Temple.
He never got to see the lazy, happy, sweet days that Obi-Wan grew up with. They always had battles to fight, but they could feel a true sense of setting things right in the galaxy.
That must have been what Obi-Wan hoped for as he went off to Utapau, that this would be the final days of the war, the final days of this darkness, that it would get better from here on out, that Anakin would finally get to see the Jedi as they had once been.
And then none of it ever came true.
I've seen you say a couple times that you don't see or that you're disabled. Do you mind talking about it? I ask because I am an aspiring writer and it is really hard for me. I wanted to know how you managed or what it was like?