have a safe day to all of you

8

“Hey. You saved my life today, and you may be a total ass half the time, but I need you. We all need you. None of us would’ve survived this place if it wasn’t for you… You want forgiveness? Fine, I’ll give it to you. You’re forgiven, okay? But you can’t run, Bellamy. You have to come back with me.”

Bellamy. If you can hear me, if you’re alive — it’s been 2199 days since Praimfaya. I don’t know why I still do this every day. Maybe it’s my of staying sane, not forgetting who I am. Who I was. It’s been safe for you to come down for over a year now. Why haven’t you?”

anonymous asked:

So i used to have to fight to not eat, like it was a struggle and I was always craving shit. But lately I havent even been thinking about it or wanting anything, like theres a breakfast sandwich sitting in front of me and i dont think i could eat it all if i tried. Im wondering if its because im fucking up my body or if its possible it could be linked to depression? Have you experienced a loss of appetite on bad days/weeks? Its just weird, not that im complaining lol

I’ve found the more I convince myself that eating is disgusting and the more I’ve restricted, the less inclined to eat I am. On bad days/ weeks food doesn’t really even register. Stay safe and drink some water.

anonymous asked:

Are you ok? Been thinkin about you and wanted to check in

I really appreciate all these messages.
I’ve lost 3 people now in about 3 weeks, got dumped 2 days after the funeral, and have my thesis due in a month. Staying safe & sober but some days are better than others, my heart hurts. I’ve grown more in the past few weeks then I could have imagined, but really I’m waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel.

Shoutout to anyone going through loss or struggling right now. I’m sending you all my love.
Detective (Y/N) interrogates Stefano

•Requested by @yenbeilschmidt:  Do one where a detective thinks Stefano is suspicious and could be behind the murders in Krimson City so the detective decided to investigate on Stefano.

_______________

You were a detective at the Krimson City Police Department. Dare I say the best? Well, definitely a skilled one, for sure. You were responsible for solving many cases that the police couldn’t solve because *cough cough* they were dumb *cough cough* and didn’t think you were capable enough of solving them. This lead to today, where you were looked up on by many people, hoping to be like you one day, or were glad that you were keeping Krimson City safe by putting an end to criminals.

Thinking about all of this, you headed to the Police Station, because of a new case. A lot of models have been disappearing lately and found dead and missing body parts. It was creepy, yes, but, as a detective you have seen things far more morbid than this one. So, this was a piece of cake for you.

As you walked into the Department, you were greeted by various police officers who admired your work and other envious glances. Shame, these people will be spending the rest of their years here judging you, instead of actually doing their job. Greeting the receptionist, you asked where this fellow suspect would be. You only had a few leads on this case, seeing at the serial killer was quite an intelligent one and didn’t leave any traces behind. You had interrogated three more suspects, but none of them looked like they were responsible for all the murders. The only left was one that went by the name Stefano Valentini?

Exotic name, you thought. Must be Italian or something. Anyways, you headed towards the Investigation Room, where you would meet the suspect. You stared into the two-way mirror that was installed and observed the suspect being questioned by another police officer before you. You had to admit, he was quite handsome, but that’s no reason to get distracted. You decided to listen in a bit more, but after a few minutes, concluded that the suspect wouldn’t confess anything important, unless you stepped in. So, you knocked on the door, which clearly caught the attention of both the people in there. You dismissed your co-worker and said you could handle it from there. Stefano was interested in you, to say the very least: 

•When you first entered that door, he thought you were art.

•Simply art. A masterpiece

•You started asking him questions, which always resulted in pick-up lines or flirting

•He thought that with a few winks here and there paired with his charm would definitely distract you

•Turns out that wasn’t the case, as you continued interrogating him normally

•He had to give it to you, you were one of the few women who could resist his charm

•I mean look at that sexy bastard

•When interrogating him, about the missing models and their corpses, he answered your questions so smoothly and so damn calm and collected? 

•Like a bit manipulative?

•For a second there, you even wondered if he was a suspect, seeing his calm demeanour

•As a detective, you knew how to study people. It’s something you specialized in

•Being a detective means that you question victims and suspects properly, trying to pick on something suspicious they might say, but it also means to carefully study someone’s appearance and how they’re acting to your interrogation

•Pretty much being an expert in body language

•And you were trying so hard to find something suspicious about this guy, you were practically checking him out

•He even wondered himself and smirked

•”Detective, are you perhaps fantasizing about me?”

okay calm your italian tits stefano mister what the heck, you thought

•Of course, you didn’t say that out loud

•You continued interrogating him and he was answering really vaguely and changing the subject

•That of course pissed you off, cause heY you were there for a reason and that was to interrogate this sexy man

•That’s when you decided you’d call your meeting short, cause this guy was getting on your nerves

•”Detective, are you leaving so soon? But we were having such fun together~”

•You notified the police officer waiting outside the room, you were done and that this whole thing ended up being pretty fruitless

•You ordered him to keep a close eye on Stefno, and report anything suspicious back to you

•You glanced back at Stefano and your co-worker leading him out

•He, of course, noticed you glance and winked at you

•”Till our next meeting, cara mia

_______________

cara mia: ‘my darling’ in Italian

hope you guys enjoyed this drabble/headcanon about detective y/n and stefano!

i have a few more requests, i need to finish, so they might come out a biiit slowly, but all means request away and i will try to get to your request as quickly as possible <3

THE SIGNS AS DAN HOWELL QUOTES
  • Aries: “Sometimes, when you intensely dislike a person due to something, you just have to take comfort in the fact that, one day, they will be dead.”
  • Taurus: “It's so important to know you should be happy and proud of who you are.”
  • Gemini: "My only regrets are the moments when i doubted myself and took the safe route. Life is too short to waste time being unhappy."
  • Cancer: "I wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone."
  • Leo: "You know, people ask me. They say 'Dan, three years later do you really want to be drawing cat whiskers on your face?' but they don't understand. The cat whiskers, they come from within."
  • Virgo: "I'm the living embodiment of 'it could be worse'."
  • Libra: "That’s why I’m here, I’m here for two reasons. To entertain you with stories of my life so , you know, you can find them entertaining. But then maybe compare them to your own lives and not feel so alone with the issues that you go with, go through..."
  • Scorpio: "And the other half of it is me kind of like articulating my own profound observations on the universe, which is really just an excuse to give myself a therapy. Apparently other people enjoy watching it too."
  • Sagittarius: "Actually believe in your potential. You spend all day and all night daydreaming and sometimes talking to yourself... out loud, which people can see by the way so maybe consider stopping that, about all the things you wish you could be and do, but instead you doubt yourself and say its impossible."
  • Capricorn: "This happens all the time with sports results, but — I shit you not — I once got a notification from the BBC News app saying that a character in a show I was watching had just died! I thought that news notifications are supposed to be for impending natural disasters, not for just ruining my bloody afternoon."
  • Aquarius: "You can't expect a kid to be smart enough to realize they can do what they want with their life before they've been pushed through the school system into having an average life.”
  • Pisces: "To me, the meaning of life is to be happy, it's to achieve happiness right now. It's to make sure you're happy in the future and that generally when you look back on your life you're like; yes, that was satisfactory."

hello there!! have you been doing well, angel? if not, this is a gentle but firm reminder to get your shit together. but hey, why shouldn’t you be proud of yourself? you have conquered so many years of your life and - no don’t you dare try to be modest, every single tiny achievement matters. + I’m here to tell you that failing is NORMAL. everyone fails at one thing or another but succeed at another. And if you feel that you aren’t successful at anything, then darling you haven’t tried hard enough.
alright alright, before I begin ranting out of the topic, let’s get started.

note: this is a part of the get your shit together masterposts. To view the other articles in this category and to view the topics in this that I’ll be covering in future, go here.


avoiding negative feelings

the biggest reason why I don’t have that many negative thoughts (note that I said “many” and not all. I too have bad days once  in a while) now because I realized that I, and only I, am completely on my side. I’m there for me at all times, throughout my life. And doesn’t it sound stupid to be against the only player on my team?

once i realized that, it become so much easier to work at par with myself and to love myself. I became more patient with myself, started embracing my flaws and loving the person that I was. sounds pretty cringy? that’s only because we don’t talk about these things and we feel they aren’t worth talking about. However if you really want to conquer life, loving yourself is the most important layer in this many layered cheesecake and yes, i like food.

cheat code: so how do avoid negative feelings? the answer lies in realizing your worth and capabilities and being on the same team as your own self.


dealing with negative feelings

now we come to the part when you are having negative feelings. Everyone has bad days and negative feelings but you can deal with ‘em in a better way than feeling low and wasting your entire day. and here’s way number one -

figure out what triggered you. when I have a bad day I sit down and list down what exactly provocated the bad day. these were my reasons -

  • someone said I was being annoying
  • I didn’t get much done that day
  • I felt gross and untidy

then, find solutions to those problems.

  • hey, everyone don’t have to like you. you are proud of yourself and that’s enough.
  • Make a list. Do those things. I don’t care if you’re tired, do those things. If you don’t do them, you’ll feel guilty and that’s never fun.
  • god, just go take a shower again. (taylor, you stink.)

as you see, the problems were really petty and solutions are pretty simple. but remember that these problems aren’t negligible. this method works bc once you figure out solutions to them, you figure out a method how to fight them so that the same problems to affect you again. Now I know that when I feel gross I need to take a shower and not roam around like a stinky animal. See what I mean?

lastly, realize that these things are not worth you losing control of yourself and walking around like a dead zombie #rip.

sometimes I have negative feelings because I feel under confident or not sure about something. when this happens, which leads me to way number two - I have a convo with myself.

ok mate, why do you feel down? um I don’t feel sure about this presentation. what if I screw this up? what if the teacher is like this is so shit?? what if I never get to eat donuts again???

seriously? well, I can assure you that donuts aren’t going extinct. as for this interview, listen child. you have prepared for this shit, you can do it. doN’T freak out and don’t think you can’t ace this. you can, trust me.

talking to myself not only helps calm me down but also gives me a sense of purpose. That I have promised myself to ace this and I cannot let myself down. 


loving yourself

  • understanding why

why should you love yourself?

bc you yourself crave the feeling to be loved. isn’t being in love simply magical? Well, so is being in love with yourself. it is even more magical tbh. this is bc you are with yourself 24/7 and when you start loving yourself you become much more aware of yourself and you have able to work much better since you are able to identify your flaws and strengths. Remember when you used to bitch about that girl on whom every guy had a crush and you none? (same fam #LongLiveTheHobos) Turns out that someone does have a huge crush on you. Love yourself, your brain craves for you.

  • take yourself out on dates

raise your hand if you think dates are great. I agree. They are even better when you go out to a restaurant bc like food is great. it is super important that you take your own self out of dates and not only bc you are hungry but bc a conqueror (yAS THOSE ARE MY PEOPLE) knows the value of taking time off for himself. These are not simply slogging through the weekend and binge watching Netflix, mind you. That’s a huge waste of time, froind. A conqueror makes a date official. cheat code: remember that your dates have to be memorable and most importantly, well earned. Here’s a checklist to make your dates more special.

  • positive energy, check.
  • more smiles and hugs, check.
  • a happy mindset, check.
  • and how about a list of things that you can do for yourself?

the turn a bad day around challenge

here’s the first challenge of the get your shit together series! I introduced this bc readers said that the topics on here were easy to say but harder to carry out.I do agree with that but hey, I never said that getting your shit together would be easy. by completing the challenges you can implement the ideas I’m trying to propagate here and also get a feel of having that particular area under your control.

  • task one: when you are having a bad day, sit down. list down the reasons why it was a bad day and why are you feel down. it can be as simple as not getting enough sleep and feeling grumpy.
  • task two: list down the solutions that you can use to overcome those problems.
  • task three: remind yourself that these petty problems cannot cost you your valuable time and that you are a badass bitch and you can handle everything.
  • task four: make a to-do list. I know you haven’t done no shit today so now is the time to shine. don’t put like a thousand things on the list tho lmao. three - four would do enough for the moment.
  • task five: do those things. seriously, do them.
  • task six: (and this is the nicest one) treat yo'self!! you have literally turned around a bad day and done so much shit! you have successfully conquered this day, a day which would have been spent lamenting and getting nothing done. maybe go treat yourself to some delicious pumpkin pie from a bakery (share with me pls); you really do deserve it!! I’m so proud of you :^)

and that’s it, it’s a wrap! if you have any questions/suggestions regarding anything I said up there (or maybe you just wanna talk about food), feel free to send in a message! my other masterposts are here and to request a masterpost, leave your question in my ask box!

I hope you all are well, stay safe and conquer life, you amaze conqueror :“)

Mental Health Month Reminder

To Take Care of Yourselves.

Drink water
Eat
Sleep
Even if it’s just a little bit.

Getting out of bed is an accomplishment.

Take your medicine

Discover a new healthier/positive coping mechanism (seriously look into stimming toys & gadgets, I personally prefer magnets, slinky’s & slime)

P.S. baby steps still count as moving forward😊😊😊😊 YOU GOT THIS, YOU’RE NOT ALONE & I LOVE YOU!!!!

Yom Kippur

To all my Jewish mutuals:

I wish you all a safe fast if you are fasting! If you can’t fast due to medical reasons, please don’t feel bad- safety and health is the first priority! 

Yom Kippur is the day of atonement, and so I hope you are able to forgive and be forgiven by G*d for anything that occurred during the past year.

Also, for goyim:

Yom Kippur is the day in Jewish faith where we fast in order to have the sins of the past year wiped clean in the eyes of G*d. Yom Kippur gives us a fresh start for the new year. Please try to avoid wishing someone a ‘good’ or ‘happy’ holiday today as this is the holiest day in the year and it is taken very seriously and isn’t a celebration. Please be respectful to your fasting Jewish friends and tag food, nsfw or leather if they need it! 

“Does it hurt anymore?” A tribute to Cody Christian’s character Theo Raeken.

Plenty of people were convinced that Theo Raeken would not make an appearance in the final episode of Teen Wolf. Plenty of them thought that Theo Raeken was going to die in episode 19. However, he was neither in episode 19 nor died whilst taking a bullet for Malia with Stiles shouting her name, as so many spoilers indicated. This merely proves that we should not be too keen on believing what we read on the Internet.

We see Theo in his truck, talking to Scott on his phone. The Alpha asked the chimera for help. That’s why he is on his way to the hospital. Old Theo would not have done so. Old Theo would have long been gone, selfishly only saving his own ass. However, Old Theo literally is gone. We will learn what that means later on, once Theo has arrived at Beacon Hills Hospital.

Liam is there, confronted by several hunters with guns aimed at him. His situation seems hopeless, but the elevator doors fling open and Theo pulls the beta inside. The doors close before the hunters’ bullets can do any harm. This certainly brings the Thiam scene in 6x09 to mind where Theo pushed Liam into the elevator and became the bait himself, ready to risk his life lest the beta was taken.

This time, however, they are both in the elevator, staring at each other.

What are you doing here?”  Liam asks.
“I was just asking myself the same thing,”

 Theo simply replies. The chimera wants to help. He is ready to fight the hunters, to keep Scott’s pack safe. He is ready to keep Scott’s beta safe. We can literally feel the tension between Theo and Liam in these few seconds inside the confinement of the elevator.

A heads up for Thiam-fans: Jeff Davis actually was wondering himself why they did not kiss in the end. Khylin Rhambo mentioned that during the screening, everyone thought that “they were gonna do it”. Cody and Dylan obviously enjoyed working together and their chemistry is amazing, no matter if you would like to see Theo and Liam as an actual couple or friends. They were definitely bonding. Cody and Dylan loved the fans’ response to their bromance. Dylan is like a little brother to Cody and the only thing we could possibly regret is that Theo and Liam did not have the chance to develop their friendship a tiny bit sooner.

I’m not dying for you.

–– I’m not dying for you either. But I will… fight with you.

Okay. That’s fine.

 Although they do not say so, we just know that they care about each other. They would probably not even admit that they do. They are a team and respect one another. The doors open and we finally see these two in action again. Their eyes glow, razor sharp fangs and claws emerge. THIAM are ready to fight. And they fight in unison.

Their fighting scene is yet another highlight of the finale. As I said in one of my previous articles, Theo and Liam are strong alone, but lethal when they join forces.

These two, who were so reluctant to even be in the same room together at the beginning (just think about their scenes in front of the hospital and Liam wanting to use Theo as bait), slowly began to trust each other. Everyone needs someone they can count on, someone who does not question anything they do.

However, both are injured in the fight. One of the teenage hunters, Gabe, takes several bullets by mistake. He is in excruciating pain, moribund. The teenager is bleeding to death. 

And here comes Theo’s triumphant scene. Theo approaches Gabe, who’s lying in a puddle of his own blood. “It hurts,” he says. His voice is brittle.

Theo takes Gabe’s arm. “You can’t take the pain if you don’t care,” Mason told him in episode 18. This time, however, Theo shows kindness. Dark veins emerge on Gabe’s arm, drawn to Theo’s hand. He takes Gabe’s pain away. He knows what it is like to care. 

Does it hurt anymore?
-       No.
Good.
 

The chimera’s redemption arc is completed. He proved how altruistic he has become. Theo does not only care about himself anymore. Theo has a heart. Cody Christian shows that he does.

Now I am not surprised that this was Cody’s favourite scene. It was emotional, sad but also an act of kindness. Theo hardly knew Gabe at all. Gabe was one of the hunters. Yet, he proved that he cares.

Now we have allies that used to be enemies. We have protectors, we have friends willing to fight for us.

Theo has proven himself. He is an ally the pack can count on. It is a bit sad that quite a few questions remain unanswered. I would have loved to find out more about Theo’s childhood. How he ended up with the dread doctors. How he became the first chimera, why he stopped caring. I would have loved to see Liam offer him a place to stay since he can’t stay in his truck forever. Or Theo helping Liam handle his anger issues. 

Nevertheless, Theo Raeken is fine. He is out there, safe and sound. Driving around in his truck. Maybe he even joins Liam, Mason and Corey to play some video games from time to time. He’s still a teenager after all. Sometimes you just need to have some fun, right?

Thank you, Cody, for bringing Theo Raeken to life. It was you who assured with your outstanding performance that this character was not killed off, as originally intended. I cannot wait to see what’s next for Cody. He is destined for greatness and people just need to realize it. He, as so many others out there, inspires people every day. He creates something we can indulge in. Something we will never forget. It is not only the story that made us adore Teen Wolf, but the actors behind it all. People who make you feel better when you have a bad day. Thank you for all these amazing years.

When I saw that the death toll in Las Vegas was over 50, my first thought was, “Is that big for one of these shootings?” So I looked it up, and it is the biggest in modern American history. But I shouldn’t have any concept of ‘one of these shootings.’ Mass shootings should not be so normalized to me that I have so many others to compare it to in memory, the way one would think, 'Is that big for a Ferris wheel?’

I was barely 7 when the Columbine shooting happened, and I learned about it in church. I was horrified but, in the way that small kids do, I accepted that this must be something that happens sometimes and moved on. Two years later, at age 9, I learned after a very strange day at school that terrorists had crashed airplanes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. My first reaction was, “I hope nobody in the plane got hurt.” I had never heard the word 'terrorist’ before.

Barely a year later, we were kept indoors instead of playing outside or trick-or-treating because a sniper was driving around the DC metropolitan area and shooting people. I was quickly realizing that murder was just part of the backdrop of my life, never directly affecting me, but there all the same. Virginia Tech, Fort Hood, Tuscon, the Oslo murders… I started to confuse them in my memory, and so did my friends.

I saw it happening to the next generation, too. James Holmes attacked a movie theatre showing the newest Batman movie while I worked at summer day camp for elementary children. It was horrifying, sobering, but nothing I hadn’t heard of before. I almost didn’t realize how upset I SHOULD be until my little campers came in crying, scared of being shot, drawing disturbing art to deal with their fears, coming to me with questions about what we would do if a gunman came in to summer camp. “You’ll be fine,” I told them without even thinking. “This camp is in a school. We’d have a lockdown like we practiced and we’d make sure you all stay safe. If anyone tried to hurt you, I’d get in front of you. You have nothing to worry about.”

A few months later, I heard the news of the Sandy Hook shooting at an elementary school. I imagined the scared faces of my summer campers, imagined myself in the shoes of the classroom teachers, really pictured myself putting myself between the shooter and the kids, and hated myself for being so dismissive of the threat of a shooting.

But so many mass killings have happened since then– the Boston Marathon bombings the day before my birthday, the Navy Yard shootings down the road from a preschool where I’d once worked, Charleston, Colorado Springs, San Bernardino, Pulse (while I had friends living and vacationing in the neighborhood), all of these intervening years peppered with stories about bombings and terrorist attacks and shootings in other countries and cities… mass killing have become something that occurs so regularly that posting a message of concern and horror on facebook feels like a rote responsibility like commemorating the birthday of a friend every year– muscle memory takes over and the statuses type themselves.

Growing up in the age of internet and 24-hour news, hearing about mass killings is just part of my life as a millennial. But 50 lives being taken, over 200 people injured should never be normal.

Tears for Fears

Castiel takes the kids out for trick-or-treating. Dean has the scariest house on the block.

3.5k

It’s not that Castiel doesn’t like holidays, it’s just that holidays stress him out to a tremendous degree.

When it was just him and Claire, at least he wasn’t outnumbered. On days like Halloween when kids swarmed, he could hold her hand the entire time they were out trick-or-treating. He would never have to lose sight of her because there was no one else to watch. He could inspect all of her candy by the end of the night to make sure it was safe to eat.

But now that Jack is in the picture, Castiel has to divide his attention. Claire’s getting older, but not too old for Halloween, mind you. He doesn’t feel comfortable letting go of her for very long, much to her frustration, but he also doesn’t want to neglect Jack.

Particularly because this is the boy’s first Halloween without his mother.

And how unfair it is that he has to spend it with Castiel of all people, his boring new legal guardian in his boring suburban neighborhood with his boring Constantine costume, the least festive person ever to walk the face of the earth.

The two children are extraordinarily different from one another, which makes family coordination difficult. Claire is loud, boisterous, adventurous, and squirmy. She wants to work her way through the cul-de-sac as quickly and efficiently as possible as to maximize her candy yield for the year, Batman cape flying behind her as she speeds from one house to the next. The younger and smaller Jack, on the other hand, is more content to hold Castiel’s hand and take his time, less interested in the candy than he is in the people watching. He’s quiet and never fusses – the plastic devil horns perched over his ears stay in their proper place for the entire evening, a feat that even Claire has never managed to accomplish in all her eleven years.

Apart from the tightly wound ball of anxiety that manifests itself in Castiel’s chest – and which he is sure also manifests on his face – the night goes relatively well. Claire and Jack both have impressive stamina for such young people, and they manage to venture far further outside their comfort zone than Castiel would have liked for a first Halloween together. But Amelia isn’t with them this year since the custody decision came through and Kelly has just died, and Castiel is unwilling to deny these children anything. So he reluctantly trails after Claire while also giving her space, trying his best to keep his eyes on her while holding as tightly as he can to Jack.

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Subtle Witch Tips - Samhain

The witches’ new year is almost upon us~

Once again I’ve created a list of subtle witch tips for folks who are looking to celebrate the holiday in a more low-key manner. 

🎃 Jack-o’-Lantern Spells - There are a whole bunch of them all over witchblr these days, but here are a couple you can do with herbs found around your house: add rosemary to your candle to protect your home, add allspice to attract money and good luck in the new year, use cilantro for a peaceful home, and mint can be used to promote positive energy. Mix and match to create custom blends / spells - but be sure not to burn anything toxic - especially if you’ll be keeping your jack-o’-lanterns inside. Alternatively you can carve sigils into the candles instead of (or in addition to) using herbs to the same end.

🎃 Cook a deceased family member / friend’s recipe or favorite meal. If you’re unable to do a full dumb supper, this can be a great way to connect with those who have passed on. Light your hearth candle, get cooking, and who knows - you might even have a few unseen visitors stopping by to see what’s cooking.

🎃 Put a little extra TLC into the mementos / photos of the deceased around your home. Maybe this means dusting grandma’s wedding photo, or bringing your great aunt’s embroidered throw pillows out for a night on the couch. Either way you can subtly surround yourself with these items without having to formally set up an ancestor altar or give explicit offerings. 

🎃 Make a playlist of songs that remind you of those you’ve lost. Take time to dance and remember all the wonderful moments you got to share. Pay attention and you just might notice that you have a captive audience beyond the veil. To everyone else it’ll look like you’re just jamming out to some of your favorite tunes, but you’ll know that on this special day it’s something more.

🎃 Take time out of your busy schedule to have a quiet meditation session. Perhaps you can spend the time trying to connect with your ancestors, or you could use it as a time to reflect on the past year and set intentions for the new year.

Wishing you all a safe & happy Samhain! 

BTS Scenario | Fight [One]

A/N: Hi guys! It’s Admin Sunshine, thank you for supporting me. I’ll be re-posting my reactions & scenarios on my blog.

PS: All of my reactions/scenarios and fictions will be fixed and there will be new things added in.

Requested from Anonymous.


Warnings: Angst


One | Two


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Today (11/10) is Coming Out Day!!

For this day, rememember:

  • Don’t come out unless you’re sure you’re not gonna get in trouble for it or even get kicked out, especially if you’re a minor. Stay safe and closeted!!
  • You don’t owe your coming out to anyone: not you parents, not your friends, nobody. Put yourself and your comfort first. Come out in your own terms, when you feel ready and safe to do so!!
  • You don’t have to come out to everyone you know all at the same time, either. Pace yourself, value who you trust with this and who you don’t. It’s ok if you prefer to come out to your close friends first and then your family, or viceversa, or another scenario entirely. You’re not doing anything wrong!!
  • Don’t out anyone. It’s doesn’t matter how well meaning you are, nor if you know they’re not gonna get in trouble for it, nor if you’re gay/trans yourself, don’t out anyone.

Have a happy coming out day everybody ❤

What You Couldn’t, Shouldn’t, and Don’t Need to Know Before Becoming a Sugar Baby...(and What You Do Need to Know!)

Girl. Let me just tell you I might don’t make it with this post (and if “I might don’t make it” isn’t a phrase you use in everyday conversation no matter your mood I encourage you to try it. It is the kind of phrase you don’t need to understand-but I know your beautiful black ass does- and that immediately makes you laugh). I’ve been working like crazy on The New Money Girls. Can you believe it’s going to out in the world in a little over two weeks? I’m planning on having a Beyonce and white wine spritzer party again on release day. Yes, if you were wondering, I will spam @lustington and @brownstatuesquesugarbaby with video again. 

This week, I want to talk to my sisters and best friends entering the bowl for the first time or after a hiatus. I remember the first (and second) time I entered the bowl. I remember the uncertainty. Hell, I remember the first time I went freestyling. I wasn’t new to sugaring but I was still almost paralyzed with fear. I would like to say to you all of the things someone would have said to me because I love you and if I can ease your mind even a fraction then everything I’ve revealed about my journey is worth it.

What You Couldn’t Know

You can’t know the future. I know that, intellectually, you are aware of this. But it’s a problem, isn’t it? Not knowing whether we are going to be successful in a new endeavor is an excellent way to keep us from doing new things. It is the impetus we need to find a different way, a safer way to try and meet our goals. While I want you to protect yourself and be concerned with your safety, in fact, I want it to be your number one priority, I don’t want you to play it safe because safe often equates to lazy and afraid. What am I really trying to say? Best friend, the thing that I’m always trying to say. GET OFF SUGAR BABY SITES. Would life be easier if you could just have a straightforward conversation with a POT about allowances and how much he’s willing to give you? Yes. It would. But you’re capping your potential.

Think about it. You are limiting yourself to men who have a) heard of sugar baby websites, b) are comfortable admitting they are sugar daddies, c) can weed through all of the messages they receive each day (we outnumber them I think 6 to 1 on the sites) and compete with women who are probably accepting less than you. You are also opening yourself up to the frustrating process of weeding through men who just don’t want you because of the color of your skin. 

My best experiences in this bowl have been with men that would argue you to death about why they are not sugar daddies. They are just men taking care of the woman they are interested in. And you know what? That’s just fine because, to be honest, sis, you aren’t looking for a sugar daddy. You are looking for a man with money who is willing to help you accomplish your goals. Let me say that again because I really want you to get it. You are NOT looking for a sugar daddy. You are looking for a man with money who is willing to help you accomplish your goals. 

Take a deep breath of relief because you already know men. You have already interacted with them. You have already dated, fucked and sucked men (or maybe you haven’t. Maybe I’m the only wild girl out here). You are not changing what you do. You are changing who you do it for. I’m going to repeat that again too. You are not changing what you do (dating). You are changing who you do it for (no more broke boys). That’s all sugaring is: deciding that your time is too valuable to give to men who can’t compensate you for your effort financially.

Does that mean you need to have an allowance? No. I’ve watched my sugar sisters finesse men out of hundreds of dollars, thousands actually, not because they have an allowance but because they have a connection and when you have a connection a man has a reason to take care of you. 

What You Shouldn’t Know

What other girls think of you, whether they approve. Are you being safe? Are you comfortable with your decisions, what you’re offering, and what you’re receiving? Good. That’s all that matters. Sugaring is about stepping stones. You will probably not land a whale on your first go round. That’s okay. You probably don’t want to because you’re going to do what I did and fuck this sugaring thing up six different ways from Sunday. Do you want to do that with a man that makes more money than your mind can even conceive of? The answer is no, in case you’re wondering. 

You’ll look back on your sugar journey and realize that you have incrementally improved the caliber of men that you are with. You will find that the more comfortable with who you are as a sex worker the more you get. You will notice that you still make mistakes but it’s easier to recover or let that man walk out of your life. You will also realize that it’s more important to meet your goals than it is to get the approval of internet strangers. If you have questions and after doing the extensive research you still don’t have an answer, it is perfectly okay to message a sugar sister and ask for help. But do you need them to approve a man, an allowance, an arrangement? No. And if it doesn’t feel good to you, if you’re in doubt, don’t bother messaging someone. Get out. You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Ever. Sugar on your terms or don’t do it at all.

What You Don’t Need to Know

What you’re going to say or do in every possible scenario when you go freestyling (because dammit best friend you’re going to get out and freestyle even if I have to talk about it until I’m blue in the face). Do you know what having pre-prepared responses is? Scriptwriting. Do you know what the problem with having a script is? They only work if the other person knows their lines. When you enter this here sugar bowl, I want you to be yourself. I know everyone talks about having a sugar persona, hell, I even allude to the idea of having one, but what I really want is you to decide who your most confident, natural self is and to be that woman because again you’re not changing what you do. You’re just changing who you do it for. 

What Do You Need to Know

This is easy and important: you need to know who you are and where your boundaries lie. If you don’t know, please, believe me, the sugaring world will teach you quickly, aggressively, and painfully. If you aren’t sure who you are let me get you started because I know. We are best friends after all.

  1. You are not desperate for money. I don’t care if you’re down to your last $100 and rent is due (I’ve been there) you aren’t desperate for a man or money. You attract good fortune and opportunities no matter where you are or what you do because you’re a hard working bitch that doesn’t take no for an answer and refuses to be satisfied with anything but the life she wants.
  2. You are a woman with goals. Even if that goal is just to get a new pair of shoes, you have a goal
  3. You are a woman that is unafraid to open her mouth and ask for what she wants. 
  4. You are a woman that gets what she wants because she works hard for it.
  5. You are a woman that works hard.
  6. You are a woman that can say no and watch a man walk out of your life because you know another is coming. 

Your boundaries do not have to make sense to anyone but you. Only want to see a man on Mondays because every other day is unlucky? I ain’t judging. Get those Monday dates and that Monday money. The point is to feel safe and comfortable with who you are and how you’re moving in these sugar streets. Fuck what anyone else thinks.

We’re here again, sis. This is the time when you tell me whether you agree, I forgot to add something to the list, or you think you might don’t make it because this whole post was ridiculous and wrong. Let’s chat in the comments, boo. And a big thank you to everyone that has commented or messaged me this week. I loved reading every single thing you sent me and I love you. Every black ass thing about you.

Hey Voltage fans!

Remember that “something big” we mentioned? Well, it’s our new pay-to-play app, Love 365: Find Your Story!

We’re sure some super sleuth fans are already curiously eyeing the Japanese version, so we’re here to answer your burning questions about the English release and what it means for you and your beautiful ikemen!

Tap on “Keep reading” to find out more!!

Keep reading

How can I tell if I’m awake or dreaming?

I did a post earlier about waking up extremely dissociated from a nightmare and being unable to tell if I was awake or not, it got a lot of notes so I figure I make a small list of things that help me tell if I’m awake or not. 

So a little context - at one point I had tried lucid dreaming (big mistake) because I would wake up from one dream, and be in another dream. Full blown inception mode, waking up several times into a different dream and being unable to tell what was real. Eventually it went away on it’s own, but it didn’t make it any less scary. 

  • Look at your hands and feet. When I used to lucid dream, I would do reality checks. These reality checks can be applied even if you aren’t lucid dreaming - things like your fingers (the number of your fingers), your palms (the details of your palm prints / finger prints), your nails (size of your nails, condition), they don’t translate over when you’re in a dream. It’s why another reality check is looking at a clock, because the hands of the clock and the ticking are another set of details that won’t add up in a dream. You might not be able to see your hands in a dream, or the time on the clock won’t be visible. 
  • Temperature. Just like breaking yourself out of a dissociative episode, feeling a change in temperature can indicate whether or not you’re awake or not.  Make yourself a cup of hot water, or a cup of hot coffee - now set it on the counter and go watch a video, let yourself get absorbed in that video. All done? Now go back to the drink. If the video you watched was all of 4mins long, but your coffee/water is ice cold, it could indicate you’re dreaming. Things like temperature change during dreams in an illogical manner, or sometimes aren’t evident at all in the world. 
  • Taste test. Carbonated drinks, vinegar, mint, things with a strong taste can help your body wake up in a sense - you might be feeling numb so a blast of flavor might be able to get your gears rolling and help you realize you’re awake. Activating your five senses is also a good idea - smell those old socks, feel the pages of that book, trace the outlines of grass in the yard with your finger. 
  • Story Focus. In dreams the focus of the story tends to move and shift around a lot, you know, you’re in the store one second but the next thing you know you’re at school failing a math test. If you’ve got your phone or a watch on you, it’s time to set a fifteen minute alarm. In fifteen minutes if your viewpoint, the things happening around you, haven’t had an unexplained shift in environment/story, you’re awake. The alarm will go off, and you can keep resetting that alarm. 
  • Social Media. Go watch the news, like I said before, fine details have a hard time translating in dreams, and sometimes seeing current day events where the date / time / weather is repeated by the spokesperson can help reaffirm that you’re awake. 

In all, just remember to remain calm - in a dream, you are safe. In the event that you aren’t safe in your dream, that’s okay! Because it means you’ll wake up. If you’re awake and you can’t tell if you’re awake, you’re still safe. Because you wouldn’t do anything to put yourself in harms way. Asking yourself is this logical can also be reassuring - logical things don’t always happen in a dream, and it’s up to you to be able to notice them. These things can take practice, but rest assured it’s better to be doing something then not doing anything at all :) 

i don’t even have words. i made this blog just out of boredom about half a year ago and i never would’ve thought that people would actually care about me and my content here. it feels surreal to imagine a number of people like 800, y'know irl and it truly means the world so thank u all sm for sticking around. i did do a ff when i reached 300 too, but i just rly felt like i wanted to show my gratitude somehow so yeah. enough being sappy so here r some of my favs (my lovly mutuals are bolded):

a-e

@aforeverhome 💞 @angelicboylester 💞  @arcticlester  💞 @asleepyphilly 💞 @astronautdan 💞 @birbhowell 💞 @birdphil 💞 @boncasphan 💞  @buttercuplester 💞 @celestialesters 💞 @creamphilled 💞 @crescendohowell 💞 @cringe-attacks 💞 @crisshowell 💞 @dangoghs 💞 @danieldaily 💞 @danisnotoffice 💞 @dannyhowell 💞 @danslester 💞 @dansucc 💞  @dantichrist 💞 @dantlers 💞 @dawniel 💞 @demondannie 💞 @doinganap  

f-l

@forgetfullittleguy 💞 @fuckinlester 💞 @furryphil 💞 @gloaminghowell 💞  @glowinghowell 💞 @goincrazyfast 💞 @heckdan 💞 @howellscrunchynuts 💞 @huphilpuffs 💞 @incaseyouart 💞 @just-a-touch-of-phan 💞 @kissmyphan 💞 @lcssamazingphil 💞 @lesterz 💞 @loveablehowell 

m-r

@musclester 💞 @okiwillleavenow 💞 @oops-phan 💞 @peachou 💞 @phanarchy 💞 @phantasyprone 💞 @philester 💞 @philipslester 💞 @phillesterdaily 💞 @philslesters 💞 @phiru 💞 @phtl 💞 @phursonas 💞 @pseudophan 💞 @pugjumper 💞 @qanhowell 💞 @ratinof

s-z

@sadimples 💞 @serenehowell 💞 @shinyphan 💞 @singaporeditl 💞 @softdan 💞 @starcatcherphan 💞 @sunflowerphilip 💞 @theanomex 💞 @themostfuniveverhad 💞 @useernamesuck 💞 @writerdan 

i just hope that everyone knows that like,, harry does this specifically for closeted ppl.. whether you’re closeted by force or by choice, w/e the situation may be, he does this for YOU. i can sit here as someone who is out and on the whole in my daily life quite safe as an openly queer person bc of the environments that i live/work/etc in, and i can acknowledge that seeing all that harry does feels rly fuckng amazing, but i know that it feels 100000x more amazing for ppl who dont have the same privilege that i do, of being safe. so to any closeted person who sees this post, i hope you know that harry does this for you so that you can feel like this every day, so that you can feel *this* proud, all the time. remember this feeling, this is why he does it