Celebrity - The Joker x Reader
So this is something I wrote a long time ago, but since I feel horrible about not having written a lot lately, here’s a little peace offering for yinz. I originally wrote it as the Arkham!Joker, but you can read it as whatever Joker you please. I hope you all like it as much as I do.
It’s honestly one of my personal favorites. Enjoy! -J.xx
“Oh my god, it’s really you!” someone screamed as I tried to very discreetly turn down an empty alley to get away from the bustle of the street. The last thing I needed right now was someone alerting the Bat to where I was. Or so I thought.
Turning towards the sound of the screams - stupid mistake, might I add - thinking that I don’t know, someone like Bruce Wayne had been spotted on his monthly escapade from his damned mansion, but no. There was no Bruce Wayne out today. A girl, maybe about eighteen, was looking directly at me. And pointing. Dammit.
Acting as if I didn’t notice the screaming and pointing, I picked up my pace down the alley, hoping to get away from the girl as quickly as I could. I really, really didn’t need Batfreak knowing where I was. Not with the big plans I had brewing just for him.
“Hey! Wait up!”
Grumbling, I walked even faster, sliding a hand into my jacket and wrapping my slim fingers around the pistol I had nestled in its pocket. If this girl was stupid enough to not get the message of leave me alone, I would quickly take care of her.
“Excuse me, Mr. Joker, sir?” she shouted from almost behind me.
Sighing, I pulled the gun from my jacket, turning on her and pressing the barrel of the gun against her forehead. Her eyes immediately went wide, but then a smile appeared on her face.
“Wow! Getting shot by the Joker! Ain’t that a dream come true?” she said almost too happily.
Caught off guard by her enthusiasm of potentially getting killed by me, I paused for a moment. Isn’t this the part where most people start crying and pleading for their life? That’s my favorite part, why wasn’t she doing it!
Pushing the metal further into her flesh and drawing blood, which didn’t even make her flinch, I frowned, “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“My parents had me tested, there’s nothing wrong. Even though they still make me see a psychiatrist every week. Stupid head doctors,” she spoke with a look of disgust.
At that moment, I decided that I wouldn’t kill this girl, no matter how annoying she seemed. No matter that she could’ve gotten me caught by Batboob. Looking her over, I was right about her age. She looked young, but not too young. Her hair was dyed partially green at the ends. And it looked like her shirt had a poorly spray painted red smiley face across the front.
“Why are you following me?” I asked, putting the gun back in its pocket.
“Because I was looking for you.”
“And why would you do something like that? Don’t you know who I am?” But then I remembered that she called me Joker, she must know who I am.
“Of course I know who you are! Who doesn’t! I just wanted to meet you,” she smiled giddily.
“You wanted to meet me? Ha, you must have a few screws loose. People usually run away from me, not toward me, sweets,” I laughed before adding under my breath, “Unless you’re Harley. Or the Bat.”
At the mention of Harley, it couldn’t have been because of Bats, her face contorted into a deep frown. Raising a brow at her reaction, I decided to probe further. What could she have against Harls?
“So. Anyways, why exactly did you want to meet me? I’m not really the meet and greet type. Well, we usually meet, but never get past a greet,” I laughed again.
“I’m fascinated by your work, Mr. Joker! You’re so funny and creative, always thinking of new ways to beat that stupid Batman. He has nothing on you, you outweigh him in every respect!” she explained, the smile never leaving her face, “I’m your biggest fan!”
“First, don’t call me that, call me J. I think we’re on good enough grounds to not be so formal…” I trailed off, not actually knowing her name yet.
“Oh! I’m such a complete dunce. I’m Y/N!” she said, sticking her hand out.
Taking it, I gave it a small shake before continuing, “We needn’t be so formal, Y/N. And also, I think Harley would be very displeased to find out that she’s no longer my number one fan.”
“Well, screw Harley. I never liked her anyways, I think she’s using you. You showed her the greater life, and now she’s using you for publicity,” Y/N said, crossing her arms, obviously perturbed that I still kept Harley around. Me too, kid, me too.
“Oh, you think so? And what do you propose that I do next?” I asked, leaning against the brick wall and staring down at her.
“Easy. Get rid of her.”
“Tried that, she keeps coming back.”
“Um… kill her?” she offered.
“Doesn’t seem to work either,” I shrugged.
“Tie her up and give her to Batman as a present. On the tag you can write, ‘No backsies!’” Y/N giggled, pleased with her idea.
Looking her over again, I thought of all the outcomes of bringing her back to the hideout. For sure, I knew that Harley would mad as a hatter if I brought another girl home, but… if Y’N’s idea did work out… Ah, fuck it.
“I think you and I are going to be great friends, cupcake,” I cackled, wrapping an arm around Y/N’s shoulders and leading her down the alley.