hating-on-me

10

And I’d choose you;
in a hundred lifetimes, 
in a hundred worlds, 
in any version of reality, 
I’d find you and I’d choose you 

I have BPD and I want you to know this:

• I will never be satisfied, I always feel empty..

• I don’t want to push you away, I’m just really insecure.

•I just want to be loved, but I’m scared you’ll leave me. So I leave first..
• I constantly feel like a burden, which is why I ruin relationships. I feel like you’re better off without me.

• I hate myself more then you could ever hate me.

• When you say something to me, you’ll forget about it .. but it sticks in my mind and haunts me.

• You may not understand my ways, but my feelings are very real to me.

• I’m not looking for Attention.

• BPD is not like most mental health issues, there is no cure. You can’t drug me with meds and except a change.

• Don’t judge my ways, unless you know exactly what it’s like.

• I suffer more then you’ll ever know- mentally.

I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me I hate me

anonymous asked:

I absolutely HATE it when people lecture me on how I need to forgive my abuser for whatever letting go healing fairytale bullshit reason they give me. It's only been 6 months since leaving. I was verbally, physically, and sexually abused for 2.5 years. I'm still working on forgiving myself for the amount of guilt I feel thinking it was my fault so I'll be damned if little hippy miss flower crown swoops in and says "the only true way to heal is to forgive him" like absolutely not. Leave me alone.

FORGIVENESS IS NOT NECESSARY FOR HEALING and ESPECIALLY not so early on, let survivors take time to feel their feelings and process everything ffs!

  • Me *exhausted*: Yeeees, sleep! Finally!
  • Brain: ...
  • Me: Ah, this is nice.
  • Brain: ...
  • Me: ...
  • Brain: Right about now
  • Me: What?
  • Brain: The funk soul brother
  • Me: WHAT?
  • Brain: Check it out now
  • Me: No!
  • Brain: The funk soul brother
  • Me: Noooo!
  • Brain: Right about now, the funk soul-
  • Me: I HATE YOU!
  • Brain: Me too! ❤️
when you... kind of meet zendaya coleman

pairing: tom holland x reader
requested: no
warnings: curse words

“i haven’t slept in three days, i’m pretty sure this stress is giving me an aneurysm and i’m going to die, but god hates me, so i won’t die until after my maths exam.”

you sit in silence, eyes scanning over your textbook as tom’s mouth opens and closes. his face is a little pixelated on your third hand mac.

“i was pushed off a very high building today.” he informs. as if he wasn’t pushed off high things everyday.

you scoff. “you have wires. i’m free falling here into a pit of papers and deadlines. i win.”

you listen to tom’s laugh and smile a bit. it good to hear him laugh. you continue to read through your textbook in silence as tom continues going through lines or arguing with literally anyone. boy could argue with a wall. boy HAS argued with a wall. he was drunk but, you know, point. you barely notice when he leaves the screen and someone else takes his place. not until a pointed cough is made. you glance up to see-

“you’re zendaya coleman.”

“i am!” she answers brightly. “hey, sis. how are you?”

you blink. you breathe. you say, “you’re zendaya coleman.”

zendaya’s smile grows. her make up is flawless. her hair is flawless. she is flawless. you’re in your pajamas and your hair hasn’t been brushed in like, three days. that’s shit is fine in front of tom, tom loves you. but zendaya? she’s an untouchable queen who deserves nothing but the best.

“i literally love you,” you blurt.

she throws her head back in a laugh.

“no, like. say the word and i’ll leave my boyfriend for you. you’re goals everything.”

she laughs harder, “wow! uh, thank you. but please, don’t leave tom. i don’t think i could handle broken hearted tom.”

you nod seriously. “yes, of course. but only because you asked me to.”

zendaya snorts. she runs her fingers through her, again, flawless hair and smiles.

“tom says a lot about you.”

you grimace. “oh no. look if he tells you i mean to him, it’s because he deserves it! i swear i’m not cruel-”

“no! no,” she chuckles, “he just… he talks about you. he sounds really, really happy when he talks about you.”

the nerves that you hadn’t realize took over your body fade. your shoulders slack. you smile softly.

“yeah.” you breathe, “he makes me really happy, too.”

zendaya’s smile mirrors yours.

“so, you’re in college? he says you’re wanting to do really great things. help a lot of people?”

“yes!” you light up.

and before you know it, you’ve forgotten all about the stress of school work and due dates and you’re discussing your goals and dreams and aspirations with zendaya like she’s an old friend. somewhere along the line the conversation flows to politics to snapchat filters to puppies, as it does naturally.

you’re both deep into discussion about maltese vs. pugs when tom returns. he’s sporting his full spiderman gear minus the mask.

“hey z. hey, babe. miss me?”

“no, not really.” you answer distractedly.

he doesn’t even bother to look offended as other people crowd around him. he disappears behind some folding doors for a moment before returning in a pair of loose jeans and a half buttoned shirt.

“can i have my girlfriend back?” he asks playfully.

he gets a playful glare from both you and zendaya before she hops up from her seat. he takes her place as she looks over his shoulder at the screen.

“have tom give you my number, we still have to hash out this whole “pug filters are cuter” thing.“

then with a sweet smile she’s out of frame.

"babe,” you hiss.

tom leans back in the chair and raises an eyebrow.

“yes, my love?”

“i just kind of met zendaya coleman,” you breathe. “oh my god.”

tom chuckles, “yeah, she’s pretty great!”

you’re still lowkey reeling over the conversation in awe. then you realize. tom looks worried as your face falls into your hands with a painful groan.

“love?”

you groan louder.

“i made a fool of myself! my god- i. oh no…”

you can’t see him, but you hear some shuffling before tom whispers, “don’t worry. i got a little star struck too when i met her. she has that affect on people.”

“yeah, sure,” you snort. “butdid you offer to give up your boyfriend for her?”

you realize your second mistake when you look up to see tom’s wide eyes.

“what?”

“nothing,iloveyou,bye,besafeonset,callyoutomorrow,loveyou!”

and then you hang up the phone.

7

Captions aint my strong point; I leave that to Mahli Pt 2

Soo as Y’all can see were back up at the centre where we got down to briefing and business… Kind of. Not only can you see me and my pretty face but Anasia and @heroicseoul joined us. Sadly Zephi and Jeru were sick as hell so they couldnt make it… But it was still good!

I was gonna write some more stuff but I know @bourbon-creamss and her emotional ass has something to say so let me shut up haha 

Once again thank you so so much to @danaifromtheway, @bodhimurray, @babynoriii, @helloitzkeetz and  @trvllinese for coming out today and a shout out to @ashter-blank, @ezekiel-larkins and @desiijackson for Joining the team. @prince-habesha gets no shout outs smh. I cant wait to work with yall x

-Kennedy xo

OOC: I promise you if my computer didnt hate me there would be a lot more photos and stuff. But technology hates me ya know? I apologise in advance x

Just to let you know...

I have decided to take a few weeks off from Tumblr. I still have a few posts in my queue so I am going to let those run their course for a few days. 

After yesterday’s ‘discussion’ I feel that I need a bit of time off. I am still going to be around but not as much. 

A huge ‘THANK YOU’ to everyone who took the time to sent me a nice message. And a huge ‘GO F*** YOURSELF’ to anyone who sent me hate messages. 

See you soon. 

Your friendly neighbourhood art historian. 

AAAlso sorry but uhhh I’m gonna casually clear my inbox and delete any “Nya-related” stuff sent because getting like 20+ asks with “Nya” jokes out of the blue made me a bit upset… I do like my online alias/name “Nyaps” because it sounds cute and all but honestly the jokes just stopped being funny like a year or two ago and these jokes are starting to make me hate all of my urls… 

mm could u guys interact w this post (if ur able to of course theres no pressure!!) if u dont hate me/think im a bad person thank u

anonymous asked:

(i was never diagnosed with ADHD but I think I might have it and I wanted to know if this is a result of it) ok so whenever I'm talking to someone and I think of something to say I get VERY VERY ANTSY like I HAVE TO SAY WHAT IM THINKING OR ILL FORGET AND ITLL DRIVE ME NUTS! But I can't interrupt bc I have a HUGE fear of being rude, and I hate when people interrupt me so I try not to do it. but it's so hard to pay attention to what they're saying bc all I can think about is what I want to say.

The wanting to say the thing right away is a common ADHD thing.

-J