hating myself

I wish that no one cared and moved on easily with their lives if I died but I know my death would affect people so I can’t be so selfish and take my own life so I wish that something would make me die already …

Suffocating

Sometimes it just gets too much. I’m suffocating under the pressure of you, exams and daily drama. But you especially. You make me happy, so happy, but when you make me upset or angry I hit rock bottom. You don’t listen. You don’t understand. You make me feel like nothing sometimes… If I get angry and tell you that you’re being a jerk you ignore me until a couple of hours later until I have ‘calmed down’ and act like nothing was ever wrong. I know I can be a bitch but ignoring our arguments won’t change anything. I prefer to sort them out straight away and be fine again. I’m suffocating because of you but if I’m away from you, I can’t breathe. So what am I supposed to do? :’(

I admire the people who have a good self-esteem. I mean, how do you do it? How do you not hate yourself? How do you not cry because of all the flaws you have? How do you consider yourself special, worthy, or good enough? How do you not cry yourself to sleep because of all the things you wish you could be? Because I just can’t do it. I would love to be able to like myself, I really would. I just wish I knew how..