I wish that no one cared and moved on easily with their lives if I died but I know my death would affect people so I can’t be so selfish and take my own life so I wish that something would make me die already …
rewatching 12x11 and in the “then” section there’s a clip of dean looking at a dead rabbit and saying “I hate witches why does the rabbit always get screwed in the deal” as if I needed more reasons to love that moment between dean and the bun it’s fine I’m fine
I want this to be over. I beg God to let me die tonight. Just let it be okay for me to kill myself. Just let me go. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow. I don’t want to go through this anymore. Things never get better, they only get worse, and I can’t take it anymore.
Sometimes it just gets too much. I’m suffocating under the pressure of you, exams and daily drama. But you especially. You make me happy, so happy, but when you make me upset or angry I hit rock bottom. You don’t listen. You don’t understand. You make me feel like nothing sometimes… If I get angry and tell you that you’re being a jerk you ignore me until a couple of hours later until I have ‘calmed down’ and act like nothing was ever wrong. I know I can be a bitch but ignoring our arguments won’t change anything. I prefer to sort them out straight away and be fine again. I’m suffocating because of you but if I’m away from you, I can’t breathe. So what am I supposed to do? :’(
I admire the people who have a good self-esteem. I mean, how do you do it? How do you not hate yourself? How do you not cry because of all the flaws you have? How do you consider yourself special, worthy, or good enough? How do you not cry yourself to sleep because of all the things you wish you could be? Because I just can’t do it. I would love to be able to like myself, I really would. I just wish I knew how..