hated-you

After going through some tunnels hidden under the town inn, the party finds a hole in the ceiling of a dead end, big enough to fit through, but too high for any of us to reach

Me: “Before we leave, are there any loose rocks lying around?”

Dm: “Yes?”

Me: “I’m going to go ahead and toss a few up into the hole, so that if this cave loops around back to that room, we’ll know that dropping down the hold just leads back here.” *Does so*

Later, after the innkeeper reveals himself as mindflayer, and decides that, after being hit by three spells and losing what we later found out was half his health in one turn, runs away and levitates up through the hole

Me: “Does he at least slip on the rocks I threw up there earlier?”

DM: “I mean, not unless he rolls a 1.” *rolls*

Me: “Well?”

DM: “…You hear a loud thump from above you, along with a muffled ’fuck’.”

The angry dice

It was a bit before we started the session. I was the DM and the one that made everyone get into D&D. In my previous attempts to get them into it, i gave everyone their own dice sets.
DM: so does everyone has his character sheets?
All: yes
DM: pencils?
All:yes
DM:Dice?
All but player 1: yes
P1: i forgot mine.
DM: that’s like the fourth time in a row isn’t it? Well i’ll lend you a set. (Takes bag with 13 sets out and gives him one)
P1: can i get another? I can’t read the symbols on that one.
DM: sure (gives him another) well, which set to use today… I think i’ll use the ones you didn’t want. They want revenge.
All: laughter
In this session I rolled 12 nat 20s resulting in 4 near- deaths, 2 deaths and a chicken that could suddenly breath fire.

Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee: Abuse, Guilt, Amends, and Self-Forgiveness

Not long ago @lj-writes posted a gifset comparing and contrasting the ways the Fire Nation, Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee treat the Kyoshi Warriors and the ways Sokka, and later Ty Lee, treat them, in order to point out the differences between cultural sharing and cultural appropriation [Link].  This reminded me that I’ve been wanting to write a meta about one of the really unique things Avatar the Last Airbender gives us, which is an inside view of how abusers convince their victims to do things that hurt others and make them feel guilty.

This particular tactic of abusers has a couple of purposes.  The first is that it helps to isolate victims.  If other people know about the wrongdoing, they are often unsympathetic to the victim and unwilling to help them.  If an abuser has more than one victim, getting them to hurt each other can keep them from banding together.  We see Azula attempting this when she gets Ty Lee to help her humiliate Mai as children in “Zuko Alone.”  If the wrongdoing is secret, it can be used for blackmail purposes.  This is why abusive leaders will often bind their followers together with a shared act of criminality.  But lastly, it makes the psychological cost of leaving an abuser much higher.  The wrongdoing a victim has done at their abuser’s behest means that leaving their abuser, and admitting that what their abuser has been doing to them is wrong also means admitting that what they did for their abuser was wrong.

In canon, we see the last of these effects of wrongdoing done for and abuser most obviously with Zuko.  It takes him two and a half seasons to confront the fact that his father is terrible and the things he has done for him are wrong.  It’s only after he is able to internalize the idea that his father, and therefore himself, were in the wrong, that he is able to confront his father and leave to teach Aang and work to make right what he helped put wrong.

We also see this with Mai and Ty Lee.  Mai comes to her limit.  She cannot help Azula kill Zuko.  She helped Azula capture the Kyoshi Warriors and engineer the fall of Ba Sing Se, and even fought with Azula against the resistance in Omashu as they held her brother hostage, but she cannot allow Azula to kill Zuko.  With this breaking point, Mai is forced to acknowledge that Azula’s will is wrong out loud.  Later in the comics, Mai and Azula have a conversation about the time Azula manipulated Mai into stealing from Mai’s mother.  Mai lays the blame at Azula’s feet, while Azula, reminds her mockingly of how she took an active part.

As for the more noteworthy acts of wrongdoing Mai commits at Azula’s urging, we see her with the people she once hurt, Suki of the Kyoshi warriors, who she both captured and helped free, and the rest of the Gaang, in the city of Ba Sing Se. Given the hostility with which much of the Gaang greeted Zuko at first, and the lack of hostility she is shown, it is likely she and they come to some sort of peace off screen.  Mai is later shown asking the Kyoshi Warriors for help, and them giving it.  Ty Lee also goes to the people she hurt at Azula’s behest.  After she is thrown in prison for defending Mai and turning on Azula, she joins the Kyoshi warriors, teaching them how to use the chi blocking technique she once used against them.

Unfortunately, neither Mai nor Ty Lee’s acts of making amends to those they have wronged on their abuser’s behalf are shown explicitly on screen or in the comics the way Zuko’s are.  They are only heavily implied.  However, the fact that this process of doing terrible things at the encouragement of or on the orders of an abuser is shown for multiple victims, and those victims are shown to be redeemable and ultimately deserving of their freedom from abuse is as powerful as it is rare.

The Rope of Destiny

The party, with the help of a bunch of foreign soldiers, has just downed a large and rather terrifying creature we know only as “the night spirit” which has been giving us trouble for a while. When the night spirit finally passed out on the ground, it transformed into a young girl. After much debate about what to do, we agree to tie her up and wait to see what happens. Our very uncharismatic monk, who is both a thief and a hoarder and oddly has higher sleight of hand than our rogue, offers to do the tying, but refuses to use her own rope (see: hoarder).

Monk: I don’t have any rope.

Paladin: I’m literally looking at your rope. It’s strapped to the outside of your pack.

Monk: … this rope is special rope. It has a specific fate. Today is not the day this rope is to be used.

DM: Roll deception.

Monk: *nat20*

Party: WTF?!?!

DM: That totally works. Everyone around you believes that rope has a preordained destiny.

Fighter: *squinting at monk* Can I roll insight on that?

DM: Sure.

Fighter: *nat1* … goddammit.

Party: *erupts into laughter*

DM: You are completely and utterly suckered, you sad sack of shit. You genuinely believe this rope is powerful. You don’t know how powerful, or what its powers are, but you now covet it.

Rogue: I try to steal the rope.

DM: Fine. You’ve opened Pandora’s box with this shit.

Rogue: *nat1*

Party: *gasping for breath between bouts of laughter*

DM: You move to swipe the rope, but slip and wind up genuflecting before it.

Party: *has to briefly break to compose ourselves after all this absurdity*

Paladin: *looks somewhat disturbed by everything that has transpired* … here, just. Use my rope. (ooc) If you roll another nat1, I’m out.

Monk: Thank you! ^^ Alright, now I tie up the kid.

DM: Roll sleight of hand.

Monk: *nat1*

DM: (without missing a beat) You tie yourself to the child. You wear her like a backpack.

Paladin: *walks out*

Highlight Reel - Seokjin's Narration

(re-translated)

起 : The Beginning

“Some moments become more vivid with the passage of time. Many encouters and farewells existed for this moment. A moment that made me believe no matter which alley, which crossroad I walk through, it’ll lead to this place in the end.”

承 : The Elucidation

“The sound of cicadas that chirred like showers ends in an instant. In the abrupt silence, I realize how beautiful the world is. Just the fact that you are in it makes all the difference. Even if all of these moments are just a lie, I still want to remain here.”

“Why is it that the happiest moments suddenly usher in great fear?”

轉 : The Twist

“Looking back, I have already knew it. That underneath the sparkling world before my eyes lay my deception. That everything was a dream to be crumbled away with a breath of wind. I turned away, eluded, closed my eyes. I was scared, scared of not being loved for who I am.”

結 : The Conclusion

“If we can rewind time, where should we go back to? Once we reach that place, can we correct all the errors and mistakes, and can we then become happy?”

“There are places that can’t be reached no matter how many seasons repeat. In the end, what we have to face is breaking through yet another storm. Loving without fear. Hesitancy and farewell. Living as who I am.”

i acted like it wasn’t a big deal, when really it was breaking my heart.

Day 17

Failure

So i was playing a game of dnd with my friends and one guy somehow managed to roll 3 nat 1’s in a row.
This obviously annoyed him and then one of our friends says:

F1: id throw that dice away *says jokingly*
F2: you know what *stands up* ill be back in a moment

F2 proceeds to go outside and chucks the dice as far as he can. Giving it a salute as it flies away

100 Ways to Say ‘I Hate You’

I saw a post about 100 ways to say ‘I love you’, so I thought I’d make the anti-version if it doesn’t exist already. Roleplayers, send these to each other for angst reasons! Tw for emotional abuse, language, and some major rejection themes, though some  them are joking and could be used for friendly rivals or pals who play-insult one another. Change or add pronouns as necessary.

  1. “You’re a disappointment to me.”
  2. “I don’t care if you live or die.”
  3. “I used to care about you. Now? I regret every second I wasted.”
  4. “How do you think I feel? I’m pissed off!”
  5. “Go. Just go.”
  6. “If you come back, I won’t be here.”
  7. “I’ve never despised someone as much as I despise you.”
  8. “Ha! You think I care about you? What do you think I am, desperate?”
  9. “I regret ever saying ‘hello’.”
  10. “Leave and don’t come back, ever.”
  11. “Remember when we first met? I wish I didn’t.”
  12. “You’re the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”
  13. “Don’t touch me. Don’t even look at me.” “You took months/years of my life away. I’ll never get those back.”
  14. “I saw a trash bag on the side of the road today. Reminded me of you.”
  15. “I could have been doing so much better than wasting my time with you.”
  16. “You’re a sick bastard, you know that?”
  17. “I don’t care.”
  18. “Go ahead, leave. Don’t worry about coming back.”
  19. “You’re such a piece of shit.”
  20. “I didn’t think you could be any more of a shithead, but you just proved me wrong.”
  21. “You’re so stupid.”
  22. “Why do I waste my time with you?”
  23. “You’re not the person I thought you were.”
  24. “Hey! Just a daily reminder: you’re a piece of shit!”
  25. “I deserve so much better.”
  26. “We’re not friends. We were never friends!”
  27. “I pretended to like you because I felt bad for you! How did you fall for that?”
  28. “I never want to see you again.”
  29. “You’ve done nothing but make my life a living hell.”
  30. “Don’t apologize - you don’t deserve my forgiveness!”
  31. “No, I’m never giving you another chance!”
  32. “I wish you were never born.”
  33. “You’re the last person I wanted to see right now.”
  34. “I’d rather be working with anyone else in the whole world right now.”
  35. “When you get back, your shit’s gonna be on the front lawn. Take it and get out.”
  36. “Go ahead, choose them! You deserve each other.”
  37. “I don’t know what they see in you.”
  38. “You’re an embarrassment to me.”
  39. “You’re an embarrassment to all of us.”
  40. “I wish it was you. I wish it was you to die instead of them.”
  41. “God, why did I have to end up working with the biggest asshole in the world?”
  42. “How could you think I ever loved you? You seriously think I’d sink that low?”
  43. “Sorry, I just puked in my mouth a bit. I accidentally looked at your face.”
  44. “How can you even live with yourself?”
  45. “If I was your mirror, I’d break myself just so you would throw me in the trash and I wouldn’t have to look at you.”
  46. “Being with you was the worst time of my life.”
  47. “You’re a monster.”
  48. “Not a day goes by that I don’t wake up wishing I was dead because of you.”
  49. “I’m going to ruin your fucking life.”
  50. “You said you would change, but you never did! You never will!”
  51. “Some people are just born to fail. Sorry you’re one of the unlucky ones.”
  52. “You’re so worthless, you hardly even exist to me.”
  53. “I wish I could go back to the day I met you, and just walk away.”
  54. “If you give me that look one more time, I’m skipping jump-rope with your large intestines.”
  55. “Honestly, I’m embarrassed to even know you.”
  56. “Ugh, it smells like something died in here. Oh. It’s just you.”
  57. “You need to stop. You hurt everyone around you!”
  58. “Until you get your shit together, I don’t want to hear you complain.”
  59. “Look at you. You’re disgusting.”
  60. “Stop making me look bad.”
  61. “You have a face that makes me wish punching people wasn’t frowned upon in our society.”
  62. “Shut your mouth. I don’t want to hear your obnoxious voice.”
  63. “Go play in traffic.”
  64. “Fuck off.”
  65. “If I saw you in the ocean clinging to a log for safety, I’d save the log and let you drown. At least wood can become something useful, like toilet paper.”
  66. “How could I ever love something as terrible and hideous as you?”
  67. “I can’t even look at you right now.”
  68. “It was all a lie.”
  69. “I never loved you, and I never will.”
  70. “Don’t try to beg. It won’t work.”
  71. “You’re not worth the mud on the bottom of my shoes.”
  72. “Look at you. You’re pathetic. I’ve never seen a sadder sight.”
  73. “I’m going to hurt you slowly, and I’m going to enjoy every second of it.”
  74. “For what you did to them, I’ll do the same to you.”
  75. “An apology? You want to offer an apology? No. I don’t accept it.”
  76. “You’re everything I hate in a person.”
  77. “I wish you were dead.”
  78. “You’re nothing to me. Less than nothing!”
  79. “What a sad sack of shit you are.”
  80. “My life is in fucking shambles thanks to you!”
  81. “How could you? You bastard!”
  82. “I’d rather eat sewage than ever touch you again.”
  83. “Hey asshole, I’m here to ruin your day, just like I did yesterday and the day before that.”
  84. “You’d be more useful if you weren’t even alive.”
  85. “Hey, it’s my least favorite waste of space.”
  86. “Every day that I woke up next to you, I was tempted to smother you with a pillow while you slept.”
  87. “Love you? Don’t make me laugh.”
  88. “Just thinking about you makes me sick to my stomach.”
  89. “You deserve a slow and painful death for what you’ve done.”
  90. “I can’t stand people like you.”
  91. “Stop doing that thing. You know, that thing I hate. Breathing.”
  92. “If I could trade you for a nest of angry wasps, you would be long gone.”
  93. “I can’t wait to dance on your grave.”
  94. “If we were the last two people on earth, I’d be subtracting one.”
  95. “I never want to see the likes of your filth around here again.”
  96. “I’m disgusted by you.”
  97. “Fuck you!”
  98. “If I ever see you again, it will be far too soon.”
  99. “I have three words for you: Burn. In. Hell.”
  100. “I hate you.”

Shadowrun Context: I’m playing a (female) Shapeshifter Magician with middling Con Skills, I’ve been captured by a gang after being sent to pick up some taxes. I’m then being interrogated.

Interrogator: Who are you, who are you working for, and what do you want?

Me: *Lies* Lord British! (rolls 2 for con)

GM: *Guard rolls a 1* Oh god no, Edging that. *Rolls another 1*

*Group bursts into laughter*

GM: What do I owe the pleasure, your highness?