hate to see you heart break

i never did (stan uris)

anonymous asked:

27: “i wish i’d never met you.”, 5: “why do you hate me?”, and 59: “you own my heart.” with stanley uris and reader pls

happy thanksgiving my wonderful readers and followers! thank you for 406 followers! love you all and i hope you have a great thanksgiving or day/night if you don’t celebrate it :)

psa: i want to start doing headcannons so leave requests :)

pair: stan x reader

warnings: lots of cussing, breaking down, angst

prompts | request here

it masterlist


you didn’t see the fall of one of your best friendships. you weren’t prepared for the hurt and betrayal or the tears and bloody knuckles. it just happened. the day before was great, you two went to the movie theater, shared popcorn and a large drink, going out for a walk, not even getting home until midnight. then the next day, he spat insults at you. of course you were hurt and taken aback but you retaliated by insulting him back, as any normal person who hangs out with richie does.

every time you hang out with the other losers, you try your best not to make things awkward between you and him but without fail, stan calls you out on it and makes it a huge big deal, spewing the most colorful words that you’d think would only come from richie’s mouth.

slowly, you distance yourself from the group, only coming to hang out every once in a while. today was one of those rare days.

“o-okay, r-richie, m-mike, a-and i will g-go t-to th-the st-store t-to g-get th-the f-food, e-ed-eddie a-and b-ben w-will g-get th-the o-other s-supplies and s-s-stan and y-y/n w-will g-go t-to th-the q-quarry,” bill handed out the assignments for the picnic day he insisted to have and of course, because the world despises you, stan is your partner.

“wait bill-” you start but richie cut you off. “everybody got it? okay great.”

everybody split into different directions, leaving you and stan standing there. “come on, let’s go bike over there so we can pick a good spot,” you say, picking your bike up and looking expectantly at stan.

“don’t tell me what to do,” he grumbled but still walked over to his bike and mounted on it. “well? hurry up or i’ll leave you here, which sounds pretty compelling right now.”

you frowned and mounted your bike, pedaling off. it was a quiet bike ride there, you were not far behind stan and you were just drowning in your thoughts. what terrible thing did you do to make him despise you so much?

“y/n! hurry your fucking self up!” you hear stan yell out and your face turned into a hard scowl.

“you haven’t even turned around you fucking asshole!” you scream back, pedaling faster so that you’re right beside him. “there, better?”

stan grimaced at you which caused your heart to sink a bit, “no, you’re too close to me.”

you groaned and pedaled even faster, ignoring the burn in your calves. stanley uris is just a glorified asshole. i can’t believe i ever called him my best friend. you ended up getting to the quarry first and you threw your bike down on the grass, storming off.

“y/n? stop storming off, bill will have a fit if he found out i lost you,” stan calls after you and you whipped around, your face red and your nostrils flared. “i’m not your fucking responsibility, stanley. why do you care anyway?”

“what do you mean ‘why do i care’“ stan mocked, which only riled you up even more. is he that fucking insensitive? 

why do you hate me? huh, stan? we were best friends!” you lash out, your hands flying everywhere. you couldn’t hold it in any longer. everything you kept bottled up, all the pain you felt from the constant arguments, all the sadness you felt from your broken friendship, all the anger and resentment you had towards stan for just switching up on you like that, came bubbling up and you had to explode.

mad? oh, i’m not mad,” stan stepped forward, his voice in a sneer. “i just wish i’d never met you and i live with that thought every. single. day.”

you felt your throat start to constrict, tears should be coming any minute now. “i-if th-that’s what you want, stan, y-you can have it.” then you slapped him hard. your breaths were starting to get heavy and tears were starting to blur your eyes so you ran. you ran to your bike and you swore you’ve never mounted and pedaled off so quickly from a place before until now.

as you were rapidly biking back home, tears were steadily streaming down your face, your chest heaving in and out. when you got home, you were thankful that your parents weren’t home and you screamed. you screamed all your sobs out, your lungs were on fire and your throat was becoming hoarse. you felt yourself get lightheaded but you couldn’t stop your cries. 

this is what you get for trying.


“hey stan! i just saw y/n biking down the road like a fucking maniac!” richie said as he trudged down the grassy slope.

“she looked like she was crying,” eddie frowned and that drove needles through stan’s heart. he made you cry again. he shouldn’t even be doing it in the first place! he was supposed to mend your heart, not break it.

“what the fuck did you do, stan?” mike crossed his arms, feeling extremely protective over your well-being. he was the brother you never had.

“i s-said bad-d things,” stan’s voice came out shakier than he expected. he was being overwhelmed with regret and sadness and he doesn’t know what to do about it. he was fully aware that he was being the world’s #1 asshole towards you and it hurt. what normal person does this to someone he loves?

“w-what d-did y-y-you s-s-say?” bill asks, sitting down on the grass.

stan rehashes the words he told you to the others and when he finished, they all looked at him with the utmost disgust on their features. stan felt his frown grow deeper. he really said some fucked up shit to you.

“you know what? i’m going to make this right,” mike got up and walked towards stan, grabbing his arm. “we’ll try to be back but it might take a while.”

“it’s fine, i’ll live,” ben chuckled and richie tried to protest but bill cut him off.

“g-good l-l-luck.”


stan and mike biked over to your house and mike went over the plan of action.

“okay, i’ll go in and i won’t lock the door. you come in and you listen to what she says, don’t come out until i give some kind of signal. got it?” mike whispered and stan nodded. mike was about to knock but stan had one more question.

“tell me, is she really that hurt?” stan fiddled with his thumbs, scared of the answer.

“she really loved you,” was all mike said and then he rapped on the door. stan heard the door creak open and hid from your view.

“oh, hey mike,” you sniffled. “i thought you’d be over by the quarry with the others.”

“well, i saw you crying on your bike and i got concerned.” stan heard the door close behind them but instead of being met with silence, he still heard your voice and mike’s perfectly clear. you didn’t go back inside but rather sat on the steps of your front porch.

stan caught a glimpse of you and he could feel his stomach clench. you looked- in lack of a better word- horrible. your eyes were so red and puffy, your nose was red as well, an your hair was in a messy bun with all the baby hairs sticking out.

“i don’t know why he hates me so much mike, we had a great friendship then it turned upside down so quickly. i thought about whatever i could’ve done to provoke it but i’ve done nothing! and i-” you had to take a breather and blink the tears away. “and it sucks because i thought we had something. not just a friendship but more, you know? oh god, that sounds so stupidly cheesy.”

mike rubbed your back in comfort, “i’m pretty sure he doesn’t hate you, y/n.”

you scoffed, “that’s bullshit and you know it, mike. you’ve heard our arguments, he definitely hates me.”

“well, would you give him a chance to explain himself? you know, if he wanted to?” mike raised his eyebrows and you sighed. you never really thought about that, probably too consumed with the fit of sobs and shouts you were in.

“well, maybe.”

“okay great, stan? come out,” mike called and you whipped your head towards mike in disbelief.

“mike? what the fuck?” you gawked at him and then you saw stan walk out from the side of your house, looking down at the ground. “no, get away, both of you.”

stan looked at you and met your gaze. you never seen his eyes so sad before. instead of a bright brown color, it looked murky, kind of like the water in the sewers by the barrens.

“please y/n i just-”

“no! you said it yourself, you wished that you’d never met me!” you raged at him. you saw stan wince and you saw mike slowly backing away. in your head, you apologized to your neighbors and made a note to make them some cookies.

“y/n just let me explain,” stan started to walk towards you and you backed away in response. “y/n, stop walking away please. just let me talk to you.”

you backed into your wall and stan cornered you there, leaving you with no place to escape. “stanley uris, get away from me or so help me god.”

“not until you hear me out,” stan mumbled, his voice low in an effort to calm you down.

“don’t you understand? i don’t want to talk to you,” your voice cracked but you refused to cry again, not in front of him anyway.

“then don’t, just listen.”

you press your hands against his chest and push him back but you had little success. you started to beat on his chest, putting as much anger as you can to each blow. stan groaned at the force but took it anyways, he wanted to at least take away some of your pain. but he had enough and grabbed your wrists and held onto them tight, determined to not let go despite your struggles.

“let me go, please stan. just let me go,” your voice was quiet, broken, your words meaning it both literally and figuratively. “let me go and we can forget about all of this.”

“but i don’t want to, y/n. i can’t just drop any connection with you.” stan began to tear up himself.

“you know what, stan? right from the moment you turned on me, i knew i lost you. it was weird because i’ve lost so many friends before and i never cared. less responsibility, right? well that wasn’t the case with you. i cried myself to sleep. why? i didn’t know,” you cried, looking him dead in the eyes. you didn’t even notice that he let go of your wrists. “then i realized, you weren’t just any friend to me. you were the first friend i let myself get attached to and that was the worst mistake i’ve ever made.”

stan felt a tear roll down his face and he sighed, “y/n, there are no words to explain how much of an idiot i am. but i still back up what i said earlier. i wish i’d never met you but not in the way i said it before but because i didn’t want to fall in love and it happened with you. love brings pain and sadness and i didn’t want that. but i was willing to take that risk and it scared the shit out of me. don’t you get it? you own my heart, y/n.”

you couldn’t speak. it was as if your brain shut down and you just looked at stan, staring holes into him. “please say something.”

you struggle to get words out but you manage, “so you think declaring your love for me will make things better? you hurt me stan but i’m also undeniably in love with you too that i’m willing to work on it.”

stan’s eyes shone with a glimmer of hope, was this really happening? he decided to go for it and placed a kiss on your lips. his heart was beating so hard, he thought it would just leap out his chest but you kissed back and stan felt so much weight get lifted off. he pulled away, his cheeks tingling and your ears ringing.

you wrapped your arms around his neck and he wrapped his around your waist and held you tight. you two slid to the floor and stayed like that, tangled in a hug, feeling all the tension slowly lift away. 

everything felt so right with stan again and you couldn’t help but thank the heavens above for your curly headed boy for you knew that he was a keeper and you knew that you and him would do everything in your power to keep each other close, no matter the damage.

anonymous asked:

I do this thijng where I begin to cry but I try so hard to make it so that no tears fall so when someone is like what's wrong you're crying I'm like DO YOU SEE TEARS I'M NOT CRYING when it's so obvious that I am or I'm sad rip Harry 👏 would 👏hate 👏 me

Hey he would NOT!!! He would think that was adorable but it would also break his heart.

He’d poke at your quivering bottom lip and give you a worried little look. “Heyyy. Can’t fool me, bug. C’mon. S’wrong?”

You’d shake your head and your voice would crack. “Nothings wrong!”

“You’re crying.”

“I’m not crying! Do you see any tears?! No! You don’t! Because there aren’t any! I’m fine. I’m not crying. I’m-“

While you’re rambling on and on, trying to convince *yourself* that you’re not crying, Harry simply pulls you into his chest. He wraps his arms around your back, scratching lightly, and he just holds you until you finally stop rambling and let a single tear fall. And after a few beats of silence, he looks down at you and wipes at your tear with his thumb.

“There we go. Now will you tell me what’s goin’ on?”

Aries —
oh, my sweet, sweet child, what has the world done to you? you were a bright promise,
the tomorrow we had hoped for, holding flowers in your mouth without crushing them
and trusting blindly in those around you. and then came the blood; and now your fire
is a quiet thing, a crackling murmur hidden in the shadows. you’ve curled into yourself
like a newborn babe, held your heart tightly to your chest and began the tedious healing.
and all the salt in your tears made the deep wounds sting; was it this what kept you pure?
I wonder, oh, I wonder. before you, I had never seen an anathema so full of innocence.
(the world tried to cast you down from paradise; and it succeeded. but the fall couldn’t
maim you, for fire cannot kill fire – it simply shrunk you, much like a mimosa bloom.
I hope one day you’ll feel safe enough to flower, for there is so much beauty in you.)


Taurus —
I wish I could wrap my hands around your shoulders and hold you close for a while,
because oh, what sad things they are, your bones. I am so sorry, beloved; so very sorry.
and I am well aware these apologies cannot change anything, but I want you to know
that there is someone who sees you as you are – even when all the others see is your
superfluous frivolity and your desire for riches, I see the thoughtful mind, the gentle
gestures, each and every of your heartbeats. the song of you is imprinted into my memory
as the change in seasons is; you are unforgettable, something so precious and so very dear.
(don’t let them shame you for your greed – those who try to do so cannot wrap their
all too little minds around the fact that sin is not necessarily negative. your love for gold
has root in the same place as your love for others; you only want it so you may share it.)


Gemini —
it’s lonely, isn’t it? not being the way all others are. they tell you you’re a forgery, that your
smile is a mask and your composure an act, simply because they cannot accept the idea
that people are supposed to be multidimensional. on and on they go, pinning their ignorance
to you under the name of blame, seeing in you only that which they wish to see. sometimes,
you wish you were like them. I know you do. you shouldn’t. it might be lonely where you are,
but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing; lonely doesn’t mean secluded. there are others like you,
with minds like diamonds. others like you, who are only habitual in their tendency for change.
(you will find someone who can make sense out of you, one day, you know. they’ll know you
better than you yourself do – every single aspect of you, every single frantic facet and feeling.
and when you do, the wait will be more than worth it. I promise you won’t die nor live alone.)


Cancer —
you poor, poor, poor thing. it’s been a thousand years since you’ve curled into yourself, hid
your heart deep in the cradle of your ribs and let yourself sleep; then the time came for you
to awaken, and you found the world unchanged – it was as if everything had stood still.
reality swept into you like saltwater into gaping wounds, and every fiber of your soul wept.
fearful, you took the broken glass road still, walked it fully aware of what laid in waiting;
like a bride the night she is wed to a stranger, you swallowed your terror and saw it through.
often, those ignorant make you out to be such a bumbling coward. you’re not. you just aren’t.
(in fact, you’re on of the bravest people I know; it takes so much courage to let the world
see you weep – and it takes even more of it to wipe your tears and keep moving forward.
above all, it takes immense courage to allow yourself to love even when you know it’ll hurt.)


Leo —
the size of your heart puts to shame both Jupiter and your own pride and ego; to this day,
I am not sure if you would have been better off with one much smaller, but I know for sure
the world would have been emptier by far. you see, your touch is one of gold; whomever
you decide to invest your time and love into grows the size of Atlas, and so, without you
as you are now there would have been much less in the world. that is your downfall, isn’t it?
always has been. the way you’ve always put others first, giving them all of you, never asking
for anything to be given to you in return. you are a gardener, dearest, and people are your roses.
(it breaks my heart that all your selfless effort was almost always repaid in hurt and sorrow;
know that you are not to be blamed for any of it. you have done nothing wrong – sometimes,
things simply fall apart. don’t shut your heart. I’d hate to see your love rot and turn to hatred.)


Virgo —
you have endured well the contempt of others, my dear; you have taken every blow with open arms.
they have called you frigid and prude and arrogant and everything in between, but you knew better.
tell me then: if you can endure so well the slander of others, if you don’t care what they make of you,
why do you worry so? why do you see only blemishes when you look at yourself in the mirror?
your hesitance to trust others stems in your fear that if you let them in they’ll see your ugliness, all
the imagined imperfections you see in your reflection. you can’t trust others because you don’t trust
yourself; and I wish so badly that you would have a little more faith in who you are, in your beauty.
(being unable to forgive, jealousy and lust do not make you terrible. hate is human nature as much
as love is; emotions, be they bad or good, are intrinsic to mankind. you are such a passionate being,
despite your outward delicacy, and that, my dear, is simply stunning. please try to love yourself.)


Libra —
darling child, didn’t the gods tell you the mob sees dancers as something of the devil, especially
when their preferred stage is the sharp edge of a sword? few in this world love truth, and fewer still
are fond of things like righteousness and justice. your ability to remain indiscriminate in the face
of contradictory realities and deny none of them is both a blessing and a curse. your mind, I fear,
is the Pandora fate has crafted specifically for you; a beautiful gift that hides such doom and sorrow.
and you are aware of all of this – how you were meant for greater things, with your noble mind
and your true heart, yet on you dance, fighting against the windmills of adversity. how brave you are.
(know that your effort will not go without reward. know that you won’t be forever unloved, nor
will you be forever misunderstood. there will be those whom, like you, have the makings of just men,
and they will understand. keep your eyes open and search the crowd; that is what you do best.)


Scorpio —
I look at you and my heart grows small; there is so much sadness in you, from the flower
of your eyes to the slouching arch of your shoulders. you have been misjudged
and falsely accused for so long: whore, they said; monster, perverter, sickness of the soul –
and all of it because you like sex, as if somehow they are the virgin mary reborn,
the goddamn hypocrites. this, too, is something they have misunderstood; it is not sex
that you crave or are interested in. it is intimacy: it is the vulnerability that comes with having
your soul completely bared and lain before another; you crave love, in its’ purest of forms.
(and I know they have convinced you that someone of your kind is not “worthy”; fuck that.
your love is priceless, and one day someone will call your battle scars a masterpiece.
one day someone will love you as wholly as you deserve to be loved. they will love all of you.)


Sagittarius —
there is such wanderlust in you – you’ve made a home out of the long, long roads,
walked the earth to its’ ends and bathed in the oceans of the horizon; the sky was
your sole companion, its’ stars your map, the wind a spellsong to ward off the passing
sadness and melancholia that threatened to dim the flame of your heart. oh, my child;
how very wonderful you are, a barefoot nomad forever in awe of the world. the feeble
minded call you rootless; how wrong they are. having a voyager heart does not make you
afraid of commitment. it simply means your roots lie elsewhere, splat across the world.
(do not let their malice plant doubts into your mind’s garden; your gypsy heart is worth more
than all their empty ones combined. keep daring the world, sate your thirst for journeying;
only exploration can ever lead to discovery, so let your feet and head both walk the world.)


Capricorn —
good god, you’re so tired. life has worn you down to the marrow of your bones,
took everything from you until you were bare-handed; and yet.
and yet you’re still here, standing before me, your spine hardened to titanium,
a delicate thing that can withstand even the most apocalyptic of sieges;
you still find it in you to smile, bitter-bloody-all-teeth and still happy, somehow.
know that I am proud of you; of your bravery, of your resilience,
of how you’ve clung to life by the skin of your teeth. I am proud of you.
(and know that you deserve happiness – you may feel like you don’t, you may feel
that it is above the likes of you, but you deserve it; you have earned it.
know that one of these days, the sun will shine down on your lane, too.)


Aquarius —
there’s so much of you inside your skin I am often surprised it has yet to come apart at the seams;
there’s so much of everything inside your skull I am left in awe of your bones – often I wonder,
how are they strong enough to contain the exploding universe inside? my god, this world of ours
has seven wonders and you are all of them. the fortitude of your bright mind ceaselessly
surprises me; I know what to expect, and yet I am still thrown off by your ingenuity and your
ability to remain rational in your abstract ways. nobody but you is open enough to accept it all;
nobody but you can see through the prism of all eyes and walk away with their sanity intact.
(I know they call you “cold”, an ice queen of the Siberian tundra. let them be. those who cannot
see your white-hot warmth are not worthy of your brilliance. you are the brightest star, my dear,
someone accepting and embracing of it all. do not settle for anyone that is blind to your light.)


Pisces —
and how terrible it must be for you, who lives always halfway, to be stuck in a world
that demands certainties which you will never have to give. it is not to say you don’t want
to be resolute – you simply cannot. your world does not have truth, nor does it have falsity;
all that your world has are colors, swirling, forever mingling anew like the clouds in the sky.
one day you are overflowing with everything that blooms inside of you, and lilies
are spilling out of your ribs; the next, you’re empty, and you can’t for the life of you
find something that is all-encompassing enough to fill the growing abyss south of your sternum.
(know that it is okay. the most humane thing you can be is full of contradictions;
as maddening as it can be, each paradox gets you closer to the entity your peers call god.
it was never the devil that built his home on the crossroads, you know. embrace your nature.)

—  poetry for the signs: the “you’ve done well” edition, L. Schreiber
Sad Rock Songs

here are the songs that I listen to when I’m sad they’re ranging from alt to post hardcore so a little bit for everyone
Listen here (https://open.spotify.com/user/1178564415/playlist/68q6lTQWt6yQD907WcXAcD) on Spotify thanks to @chrondodite
“Ten”- Yellowcard
“Sing For Me”- Yellowcard
“What a Catch, Donnie”- Fall Out Boy
“The End of All Things”- P!ATD
“The Light Behind Your Eyes”- MCR
“Fake Your Death”- MCR
“If It Means A Lot To You”- ADTR
“Stone Walls”- We The Kings
“Just Keep Breathing”- We The Kings
“I’ve Given Up On You”- Real Friends
“The Messenger”- Linkin Park
“Coffee Break”- Forever The Sickest Kids
“The Kids Aren’t Alright”- Fall Out Boy
“MSK”- Yellowcard
“Missing You”- All Time Low
“Future”- Paramore
“Last Hope”- Paramore
“The Only Exception”- Paramore
“Demon Limbs”- PVRIS
“King Of Anything”- Beartooth
“Mt. St. Joseph”- A Loss For Words
“Hate To See Your Heart Break”- Paramore
“Legendary”- The Summer Set
“Better Off Dead”- Sleeping With Sirens
“Lead Me Out Of The Dark”- Crown The Empire
“Call Me”- Shinedown
“Therapy”- All Time Low
“Pieces”- Sum 41
“Snuff”- Slipknot
“How to Save a Life”- The Fray
“Remembering Sunday”- All Time Low
“Monster”- Paramore
“Hated”- Beartooth
“Disenchanted”- MCR
“Bullet”- Hollywood Undead
“Hate Me”- Blue October
“Hold On Till May”- Pierce The Veil
“The World Is Ugly”- MCR
“This Is Gospel”- P!ATD
“Crash”- Sum 41
“Believe”- Mumford and Sons
“Demons”- Imagine Dragons
“Only One”- Yellowcard
“California”- Yellowcard
“Lift A Sail”- Yellowcard
“This Song Saved My Life”- Simple Plan
“Golden”- Fall Out Boy
“Human Interaction”- Tonight Alive
“Amelia”- Tonight Alive
“Only Love”- PVRIS
“Empty”- PVRIS
“Clairvoyant”- The Story So Far
“Dark On You”- Starset
“Jenny”- Nothing More
“Take On The World”- You Me At Six
“Placeholder”- The Story So Far
“Sleeping At The Wheel”- Matchbox Twenty
“Beacon Hill”- Damien Jurado
“I Of The Storm”- Of Monsters and Men
“Paper Walls”- Yellowcard
“COMA”- Issues
“The Lines”- Beartooth
“Save You”- Simple Plan
“Terrible Things”- Mayday Parade
“Stay”- Mayday Parade
“Miserable At Best”- Mayday Parade
“Roses”- Against The Current
“Paralyzed”- Against The Current
“Monster”- Starset
“You Found Me”- The Fray
“Where The Story Ends”- The Fray
“Third Eye”- Florence + The Machine
“I’ll Be OK”- Nothing More
“Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes”- Fall Out Boy
“Hear Me”- Imagine Dragons
“Lonely Girl”- Tonight Alive
“Let It Die”- Starset
“End Of Me”- A Day To Remember
“Reassemble”- A Day To Remember
“Crash”- You Me At Six
“Little House”- The Fray
“For You”- All That Remains
“Never Too Late”- Three Days Grace
“God Went North”- Nothing More
“Heaven”- PVRIS
“If You Wanted A Song Written About You, All You Had To Do Was Ask”- Mayday Parade
“(The Symphony of) Blase’”- Anberlin
“Half”- PVRIS
“Fireworks”- You Me At Six
“Winter”- PVRIS
“We Are Broken”- Paramore
“It Seems”- Nothing More
“Waving Through A Window”- Dear Evan Hansen
“Just Say When”- Nothing More
“Alibi”- Thirty Seconds To Mars

Wanna know the truth behind Girls like Girls?

I have been working on finding my voice for years. As an artist, I always want everything I create to represent what my soul feels and sounds like – whether it’s a video concept or a lyric or melody.

Two years ago on a rare rainy day in Los Angeles, in a songwriting session with Owen Thomas and Lily May Young, I was venting my frustration about my music not connecting the way I wanted it to. Lily looked me in the eye and asked, “Tell me something nobody knows about you, something you are afraid to sing about?“ I immediately thought, well I like girls and that’s what I want to sing about, but even then I struggled to say it out loud. Finally, I told Lily that I always say “you” and “them" and never the pronoun “her" in all my songs because I was afraid it wouldn’t connect. We talked more about concepts and my experiences, and how I loved the idea of stealing another guy’s girl because that was always a fantasy of mine. Growing up, everything I did was always about girls. I took dance because of girls. I got involved in student council because of girls. Not that I ever expected any of them to like me back, but I just felt comforted being around them, even if I could never date them. So there we were. The song “Girls like Girls" was born.

I imagined a very emotional, heart-wrenching but real music video to go along with the song. When we shot the music video for “Girls like Girls,“ I felt like I was finally telling my story for the first time. The yearning feelings I had and also the feeling of being so alone. I think that’s why people connected with the music video. Not only because they too have experienced deeply liking someone, but also the sadness and longing that comes with it. You could be around so many people, and still have the feeling of being so alone and misunderstood. It’s that fear of rejection and uncertainty of whether the person will like you back that makes you question everything. I struggled with these feelings so much growing up. I’d fall in love with girls who would never give me the time of day, or if they would, they had no idea I had other intentions. I had my heart broken over and over again; I never felt good enough. My life was led by these crushes as far back as first grade, when I had a crush on my teacher. That was the first time I realized I liked girls. But the problem is you feel like you can’t share these true feelings with anyone for fear of outing yourself and facing judgement. So you struggle. And feel alone. Growing up, there were some [out] celebrities who were much older than I was and I wondered if I had to wait until then to be happy. I didn’t have role models who I could relate to at the time, where I could think, if they can do it, I can do it.

Most of the time, you become confident after years of struggling during your young adulthood. I want to encourage the youth to find that confidence now. Not later. For them to know their own self-worth at an earlier age. It’s been really cool at my concerts to see all of these young fans showing up alone, and then leaving with friends. The music and stories I create have built this judgement-free safe zone. But most of all, they have inspired me to be comfortable with myself, and to let them in. They unintentionally gave me a gift that I am forever grateful for. Most of my music isn’t necessarily about heartbreak or other people, but more so everyone’s personal journey and falling in love with yourself.

I think that’s why my fans and I relate to each other. My music reassures them that they aren’t alone – that their feelings are valid, that they are enough and they will find someone to love them back. I didn’t have that hope growing up, so I get emotional and inspired (or encouraged) every time I meet a fan who looks at me that way.

It’s hard sometimes, especially after this election, because I feel a responsibility to these girls. I know they are looking to me for guidance and comfort. It breaks my heart that fear is so present in our world right now. School is hard enough and it breaks my heart to see these kids under attack by hate crimes and bullying.

Hope. That’s my cause. I strive to inspire hope through human compassion and through music. Hope leads me through my lyrics, stories, and melodies. You must continue on, and know in your heart you are not alone, and have confidence that love will find its way back to you.

Envy

Originally posted by darkness-on-me

Loki x Reader

Part Two

“You cannot come any further.” A voice drifted through the dull air to greet Loki who had given up on figuring out who was coming and going.


“I will not let him out I just wish to speak with him.” The sound of your voice sent a jolt through Loki, eyes wide and alert as he listened to you.


“We cannot let you in.” The guard insisted.


“And I will not leave until you do!” You sounded furious which amused Loki, recalling the few occasions growing up when he had irritated you to anger, each time you’d missed him by a considerable distance which only made it more infuriating when he teased you.

Keep reading

Drarry Headcanon

for anon (because I couldn’t wait to post this… I’m still on hiatus…)


  • Narcissa and Harry thanking one another for what the other did during the war over letters
  • Narcissa telling Harry that Draco still fawns over him
  • Harry learning more and more about the real Draco
  • and soon, falling for his personality
  • Narcissa setting them up without telling Lucius
  • because she knew he’d be going insane with even more ‘Potter Talk’
  • Draco becoming super flustered when he finds out about what’s happening 
  • because he totally doesn’t still talk about how bad he wants to be Potter’s friend
  • and how they’ve hated each other since the beginning
  • the most awkward first date
  • and an even more awkward second
  • but bonding over old stories from their days at Hogwarts 
  • them finally telling each other about their feelings towards each other during school 
  • Draco breaking down in front of Harry while telling him how bad his rejection felt
  • “I felt as if someone had ripped out my heart and tore it into a million pieces…“
  • Harry describing the guilt and pain he felt after using sectumsempra 
  • “I didn’t mean to hurt you…”
  • Them feeling they need to see each other at least 3 times a week 
  • Harry teaching Draco about muggle things 
  • Draco falling in love with movies
  • Harry putting his arm around Draco as they watch one together 
  • Draco laying his head on Harry’s shoulder just after
  • That first kiss they don’t know who started 
  • but knowing they can’t be apart for very long
  • Draco always staying at Harry’s flat
  • because he’s is afraid to live alone
  • and he’s not quite sure what his father would think 
  • “I don’t think my father will hear about this”
  • During their time off of work, they just like to hang out
  • whether that be visit the shops, make a homemade meal, play a 1 on 1 Quidditch match, or just lay in bed until noon
  • Little inside jokes about each other
  • Draco teasing Harry about his horrible eyesight 
  • “At least I’ll have you to help me around if I ever lose my glasses, Malfoy.”
  • Falling asleep while snuggled up together 
  • Harry visiting Draco at work every chance he gets 
  • and Draco doing the same for Harry
  • Him finally gaining the courage to show Harry his scars
  • Harry tracing over each line with his fingers as he feels the guilt come back
  • “I’m sorry”
  • Draco still warming up to the Weasleys and Granger
  • The Weasleys taking him in as their own and treating him like they did Harry for all of those years
  • both of them being afraid to say what’s really on their mind
  • because they think the other won’t feel the same
  • but Harry gives in first
  • “I love you”
  • Draco feeling butterflies in his stomach 
  • “I love you too”

VIRGO: So, you’re finally figuring out where the pieces of your life are supposed to fit together and ‘relief’ is a bit of an understatement. There was a time in which your existence felt a lot like trying to finish a puzzle while blindfolded: all of the parts within reach yet, still so far away. But you kept going and you found yourself again and I hope that you’re proud. I hope that when you go to sleep at night you feel comfortable with your decisions and all of the things you’ve been strong enough to overcome. I can’t promise that you won’t find yourself faced with broken things in need of fixing again, but I can promise that you’ll be able to put it back together. You always do.

LIBRA: It seems like every time you leave the house nowadays you brace yourself for impact, which is another way of saying that you’ve had to abandon being soft in order to survive. You’ve had to use your voice to ask for things that your earlier self would’ve shoved under the carpet. And while that’s definitely something to be proud of, the strength you’ve found within yourself, don’t let that close you off to all of the joy that accompanies being kind and open. It’s possible to stand your ground with open palms; asking for what you deserve and embracing the gentler aspects of life aren’t mutually exclusive. They never will be unless you let them.

SCORPIO: I know that it’s hard to refrain from comparing yourself to every person you meet, but you have to remember that not everybody has had the same background as you. Not everybody understands the feeling that comes with being told you’re not good enough, or the feeling of realizing that the people you thought were friends had been bringing you so far down that your back was flat against the floor. You haven’t fallen behind or lost your way just because you’ve had to take a few detours in order to find yourself. You’re trying your best, and your best is more than good enough. Someday you’ll be grateful that you kept on fighting.

SAGITTARIUS: Recently you felt the spark that can only ever mean something is beginning; it’s unfortunate that sometimes this also indicates that another thing is ending. And while that’s typically sad, an event you’re bound to mourn, every closed door is an opportunity to turn yourself around and have an experience that you wouldn’t normally. Eras will end as you continue to grow into yourself, and that doesn’t mean that they’re THE end. Be self-aware and work some more on loving yourself as you embrace these fresh starts and their accompanying lifestyle changes; there’s nothing shameful about being a fan of yourself.

CAPRICORN: One of the hardest things you’ll ever have to learn is that sometimes people leave and there isn’t a reason or a motive behind it, they just go. And that doesn’t mean that you did anything to instigate this, or that you push where others pull; it just means that because of whatever external reason, something wasn’t quite right. There’s no reason to make lists of all the people that you feel you’ve driven away when there are others beside you that are supportive, wanting only to shower you in the affection that you dole out so generously. The way that your peers choose to exit your life is always going to be a choice that they make themselves. You are not a burden.

AQUARIUS: You don’t have to treat every beautiful thing that waltzes into your path as if it’s temporary, bound to disappear as soon as you look away. I know that it’s hard to take good fortune with anything other than a grain of salt after everything you’ve lost, but perpetually being in a state of worry when you have no reason to be so is ridiculous. Your potential for happiness is so much greater than you’re allowing yourself to have. There aren’t limits or rules when it comes to the progress you make and the people you invite into your life. If you spend all of your time walking on eggshells, you’ll never able to leave your mark. Be bold. Be genuine.

PISCES: You’ve been taking happy vibes to the next level lately and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I know occasionally you start thinking that maybe you don’t deserve to be feeling this light, or that there are more pressing aspects of your life that you should be devoting your attention to, but what you’re doing right now is more than okay. It’s encouraged, in fact. Try not to hold yourself to a higher standard than you would hold the people that you love to. The perfectionist that shows up within you very once in awhile to make unnecessary comments about your progress isn’t the boss of you, you’re the boss of it. Allow yourself to be happy without any strings attached.

ARIES: It always takes time to adjust to a situation that you’ve never been in before, especially when you’re doing it all by yourself. Don’t forget that you’ve seen and conquered cities much bigger than this one. I know that everything in you wants to make a snap judgement regarding whether or not you like the direction you’re walking in, but try to refrain from doing so too soon as it could change your perception of an otherwise lovely experience. Give this road a chance before re-routing and switching courses altogether. Listen to your gut, you know more than anybody else what will benefit you most in the long run.

TAURUS: Are your days really blurring together, or are you so afraid of feeling something new that you’re hiding behind the safety of monotony? Sure, you’re stuck in more than a couple of ways, nobody’s denying that you’ve faced more than your share of quicksand. But something you should consider is how your actions play into that. I think there’s a sort of comfort in being stationary, as you know exactly what to expect, but I also think that you deserve a better quality of life than you’re currently getting and some of the responsibility for changing that rests on your shoulders. Try something new this month and see what happens next.

GEMINI: The heat of summer has peaked and descended and you’re finally able to leave the house without getting burned. This means that it’s time to refamiliarize yourself with your surroundings, because in the midst of life and all its trials I think you’ve forgotten about what’s in front of you. Examining the ground that your feet touch day after day, with eyes that are wise and observant and actually looking, can lead to revelations about yourself. I know that you’ve felt the holes in your life as of late and you’ve been looking for something to fill them, and the materials to do this are closer than you think. You might already be holding them.

CANCER: It’s really easy to overthink your choices when you’ve become accustomed to exposing the soft parts of yourself only to be handled roughly and without the right amount of care. And yet despite your history of hurt you’re still choosing to try again, which says a lot more about you than other people’s actions ever could. Nobody is going to hate you for laying bare your heart and soul, and if they do then that means they don’t deserve to see it anyways. You are allowed to feel proud of your accomplishments and you’re allowed to be vocal about it. Don’t be hesitant with self praise and accepting it from others. Everyone’s rooting for you.

LEO: Your environment lately has been hectic, to say the least, and that’s starting to take a toll on you more than you can probably see. I know that it feels as though you don’t have time to take a break, and that in order to cross-off every task on your never-ending to-do list you need to constantly be on the run, but that’s just your anxiety talking. While time is a constant wave that we’re all riding, that doesn’t mean you can’t lay back and enjoy the view as you float. Caring for yourself will never be detrimental to your progress, as the health of your mind and body are crucial when it comes to success. Give yourself a break for not being a superhero.

Harry Hook - Salty Kisses

Originally posted by heather-l-wood

Just a random idea I came up with!

Feel free to send me some requests! :)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

“Why would you do that to me, Uma? I had her!”  You exclaimed, your words dripping in venom as you pushed through the doors of Ursulas Fish and Chips and threw yourself into one of the booths. 

“You and I both know you had nothing on her, Y/N.” Uma persisted, not even giving you a look as she made her way past you. “You’re too emotionally attached.” 

You gave Uma a daring glare, your eyes traveling over her unfazed figure as she nonchalantly made her way up the stairs and behind the bar. 

“Of course I’m emotionally attached! Mal was my best friend!” 

Uma gave you a small scoff, her leather covered hands gently reaching out and retrieving a cloth to clean her sword. “Yeah, she was. That’s the point, Y/N. She was your best friend, but she’s not anymore.” She explained. “She abandoned you. She abandoned us. You didn’t accept that 6 months ago, and you still haven’t accepted it now. If I would have let you fight her, she would have destroyed you, and if she would have destroyed you, you’d be even more useless than you are now.”

You let out a laugh, the feeling of disbelief and anger taking over your body. “You know what, Uma? How about you go -”

“Ladies, ladies!” A voice called out, the smooth sound of their scottish accent immedietly making you register that it was Harry. “What’s done is done. There’s no point in fighting about it. Right, Y/N?”

You sighed, the sound of your boyfriends words ringing in your ears and calming you nerves. “Yeah, whatever.” You exclaimed, gently digging the heels of your hands into your eyes and letting out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry, Uma.”

Uma gave you a slight tsk, her eyes looking at you with disappointment as she and the fellow crew mates made their way through the doors and out onto the deck.

“Starting a fight with Uma? Are you serious, Y/N? If it was anyone but you she would have thrown them overboard.” Harry lectured, his hand reaching out and gripping yours as he sat down next to you.

“I know.” You proclaimed, squeezing his hand in reassurance. “I just…I just can’t believe it. Mal was my best friend, my sister, and she just left me on this Isle like I was a piece of garbage ” You stuttured, tears immedetly beginning to fall down your face. “And then for her to come back here and not even apologize? Are you kidding me? Did our friendship mean nothing to her?”

“Mal isn’t worth your tears, okay?” Harry whispered, a slight trace of anger lacing his voice as he kissed the thick droplets of water off of your cheeks. “She doesn’t deserve to have you as a friend, and they sure as hell don’t deserve to have you at that school.”

You gave him a small nod, your eyes looking at nothing but the black table in front of you. “Maybe you’re right, but that doesn’t change how I feel.”

Harry let out a sad sigh, his free arm gently wrapping around your waist before pulling you into him, his hand resting in your hair and softly combing through it. 

“I know you’re sad, Y/N. But please, don’t cry. I hate seeing you cry.” Harry comforted, his hand leaving yours and lightly tapping your chin.”Your beautiful face is breaking my heart.”

You rolled your eyes, your boyfriends cheesy attempt at cheering you up having a slight affect as you cuddle yourself into him. 

“I know. I’m sorry.” You apologize. “You’re probably tired of hearing me whine about it all the time. I mean, no wonder Uma thought I was too emotional to fight.”

“No, that’s not it!” Harry exclaimed, “I really just hate seeing you get hurt, especially when it’s over something as overrated as Auradon Prep.”

You gave him a knowing nod, breathing in deeply as you finally began to slow your tears. “I know, Harry. I just….I can’t live here. I can’t survive here. I’m not good enough.”

Harry shook his head, the disagreement evident on his face. “You, my love, are stronger than every single person in this crew combined.” He began, his hands cupping you face and bringing you closer to him. “If anyone can survive on this island, it’s you, and you have to believe me on that.”

“You’re wrong, Harry. I -”

“Believe me.” He interrupted, gently connecting his lips with yours and giving you a soft kiss.

You kissed him back, the feeling of his lips molding with yours warming your heart and fogging your mind from any negative thoughts that were coming your way. Smiling against his lips, you leaned further into him, the simple words ‘believe me’ lingering in your head as you kissed him deeper, the all too familiar taste of your boyfriends lips heavy on your tongue.

He tasted like reassurance.

He tasted like tears. 

He tasted like home. 

Taylor : That’s always the coolest thing about hearing what Hayley writes is that she’s being honest. There’s so many love songs that say ‘hey man, everything’s perfect and beautiful and everything about you is awesome and this is all great’ but Hayley always writes for the people who can’t relate to that. I love this person but I am dark, this feels dark. I always love that because that’s real…

My thoughts on 13 Reasons Why Characters (Contains Spoilers)

Hannah Baker: I hate everything that happened to Hannah.Those terrible scenes just grabbed my heart and crumbled it into dust. She went through so much and felt like she had no one to talk to. Majority of her friends just betrayed her except for Clay Jenkins. The only thing about Hannah that I found messed up about her was that she pushed away the one person that actually wanted to be there for her. 

Clay Jensen: I felt bad for him, having to hear about the awful things done to the person he loved and watching him struggle to try and get justice for her. I just wished he was able to overcome the fear he had when talking to Hannah and told her how he really felt. There was that moment where he was a dick to her when she tried to talk about the car accident and he completely shut her down. 

Tony: Ever since the beginning i got this mysterious vibe off Tony and i didn’t really like it but i realized it was all for Hannah and honoring what she wanted, I’m really glad he decided to show Ms. Baker the tapes even though I was dying for him to tell her sooner.

Jeff Atkins: OMG WHY?!? JUSTICE FOR JEFF TOO! He had absolutely nothing to do with the tapes and all he wanted was Clay to be happy and to be with Hannah. He was such a sweet guy who definitely didn’t need to go. 

Jessica Davis: I loved her, then i hated her, and then I felt really bad for her and like Hannah I hope Jessica gets the justice she deserves. I really liked her at the beginning, she was such a cool person and her and Hannah were so so similar. They had that friendship, where you can consider each other sisters. But then I hated how she automatically blamed Hannah instead of Alex for the list that he made and then blamed her for end of their break-up. She didn’t even try to listen to Hannah. And I hated that she didn’t want to see justice for a girl who was once her friend. But then it all started to make sense and it was because she was fed a soup full of lies by her boyfriend. 

Justin Foley: I feel like Justin Foley actually does have a good heart but he just didn’t make the right decisions. I loved how much he cared about Jessica but what he did to her was completely awful. But, it killed me when he called out to his mom after her boyfriend just choked her son and she just walked away. And what really also got to me was when he told Jessica about almost jumping and said he couldn’t because he was thinking about her almost made me forget about what he did but then Jessica told him off, and I remembered the pain he helped cause her. It’s clear that what he did was eating him up inside (as it should) and now he just has to live with that

Bryce aka dickshit: FUCK HIM. HOPE HE CREMATES IN HELL. If you watched the show, i’m pretty sure this is all I need to say about that disgusting animal. 

Courtney Crimsen: Hate her. Hated her. And still hate her. I understand she didn’t want people knowing she was lesbian but that was no reason to throw Hannah under the bus. Coming out is hard, especially when you go to school with a bunch of judgmental, immature idiots but that’s still not a justification for what she did. And then i absolutely hated her when she tried to stand up and protect Bryce like he wasn’t a rapist who raped not only Hannah but Jessica too. I get she was lying to herself about him not be a rapist so she wouldn’t have to consider herself a lesbian but she just needed to finally admit the truth to herself. 

Sheri: I liked her and….. i don’t hate her. She should’ve called the cops but I understand her reasons her hitting and running a stop sign. She was scared. But she should’ve never left an slightly intoxicated Hannah there after she offered her a ride. But i do feel like Sherri has her heart in the right place by hanging around the old man who got in the accident and by finally going to the police. 

Alex Standall: I hated him for making the list and letting Jessica be mad at Hannah for it. But he was the only one who actually had a brain in the ‘lets take Clay down so the world won’t know about all the horrible things we’ve done” group. He was the first one to actually wanted to tell the truth and accept the punishments. He was also a sweet character and I really hope he isn’t dead. 

Zach: I thought he was sweet too. But i didn’t like how he didn’t speak up for Hannah and actually take into consideration that she needed help, but i can’t really blame him for the fact that he was scared and it’s hard to know that there’s something wrong with someone and actually being able to help them. Knowing that there’s something really dark about a person and just freezing up with fear and not knowing what to do. And what people do in situations like this is they take the easy way out and just ignore it and act like it never happened. But i truly think he actually liked Hannah. 

Tyler: Fucking creep. Seriously he should have his camera shattered into a million and one pieces. And i know this is just a theory but i just wanna put this out there and most of you are probably thinking this too but i’m pretty sure Tyler shot Alex. He had all those guns and he took down Alex’s picture. It makes sense. Anyways, i don’t understand why he was trying so hard to try and get into the  ‘lets take Clay down so the world won’t know about all the horrible things we’ve done” group. I think he’s a psychopath and that side of him will unravel in season two of this show.  

Marcus Cole: I thought he was actually a nice guy when he asked Hannah to go out with him and then once he came and hour late and sexually assaulted Hannah that’s when I hated him. He cared wayy to much about his reputation. 

Ryan: self-centered douche bag. The only moment i’ll applaud him is when he shut Courtney down when she tried to deny Bryce was a rapist. I saw his point on having her poem open to the world and about her struggles reaching out and connecting to other people’s problem but it was personal and he should’ve asked for permission. 

Mr. Porter: What’s the point of having a guidance counselor if they’re not going to help guide you out of your problems?? I’m happy he felt bad for not being able to stop what Hannah did to herself. Out of all these people, he was the only one that actually gets paid to help people out of their problems