i never did (stan uris)
27: “i wish i’d never met you.”, 5: “why do you hate me?”, and 59: “you own my heart.” with stanley uris and reader pls
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pair: stan x reader
warnings: lots of cussing, breaking down, angst
you didn’t see the fall of one of your best friendships. you weren’t prepared for the hurt and betrayal or the tears and bloody knuckles. it just happened. the day before was great, you two went to the movie theater, shared popcorn and a large drink, going out for a walk, not even getting home until midnight. then the next day, he spat insults at you. of course you were hurt and taken aback but you retaliated by insulting him back, as any normal person who hangs out with richie does.
every time you hang out with the other losers, you try your best not to make things awkward between you and him but without fail, stan calls you out on it and makes it a huge big deal, spewing the most colorful words that you’d think would only come from richie’s mouth.
slowly, you distance yourself from the group, only coming to hang out every once in a while. today was one of those rare days.
“o-okay, r-richie, m-mike, a-and i will g-go t-to th-the st-store t-to g-get th-the f-food, e-ed-eddie a-and b-ben w-will g-get th-the o-other s-supplies and s-s-stan and y-y/n w-will g-go t-to th-the q-quarry,” bill handed out the assignments for the picnic day he insisted to have and of course, because the world despises you, stan is your partner.
“wait bill-” you start but richie cut you off. “everybody got it? okay great.”
everybody split into different directions, leaving you and stan standing there. “come on, let’s go bike over there so we can pick a good spot,” you say, picking your bike up and looking expectantly at stan.
“don’t tell me what to do,” he grumbled but still walked over to his bike and mounted on it. “well? hurry up or i’ll leave you here, which sounds pretty compelling right now.”
you frowned and mounted your bike, pedaling off. it was a quiet bike ride there, you were not far behind stan and you were just drowning in your thoughts. what terrible thing did you do to make him despise you so much?
“y/n! hurry your fucking self up!” you hear stan yell out and your face turned into a hard scowl.
“you haven’t even turned around you fucking asshole!” you scream back, pedaling faster so that you’re right beside him. “there, better?”
stan grimaced at you which caused your heart to sink a bit, “no, you’re too close to me.”
you groaned and pedaled even faster, ignoring the burn in your calves. stanley uris is just a glorified asshole. i can’t believe i ever called him my best friend. you ended up getting to the quarry first and you threw your bike down on the grass, storming off.
“y/n? stop storming off, bill will have a fit if he found out i lost you,” stan calls after you and you whipped around, your face red and your nostrils flared. “i’m not your fucking responsibility, stanley. why do you care anyway?”
“what do you mean ‘why do i care’“ stan mocked, which only riled you up even more. is he that fucking insensitive?
“why do you hate me? huh, stan? we were best friends!” you lash out, your hands flying everywhere. you couldn’t hold it in any longer. everything you kept bottled up, all the pain you felt from the constant arguments, all the sadness you felt from your broken friendship, all the anger and resentment you had towards stan for just switching up on you like that, came bubbling up and you had to explode.
“mad? oh, i’m not mad,” stan stepped forward, his voice in a sneer. “i just wish i’d never met you and i live with that thought every. single. day.”
you felt your throat start to constrict, tears should be coming any minute now. “i-if th-that’s what you want, stan, y-you can have it.” then you slapped him hard. your breaths were starting to get heavy and tears were starting to blur your eyes so you ran. you ran to your bike and you swore you’ve never mounted and pedaled off so quickly from a place before until now.
as you were rapidly biking back home, tears were steadily streaming down your face, your chest heaving in and out. when you got home, you were thankful that your parents weren’t home and you screamed. you screamed all your sobs out, your lungs were on fire and your throat was becoming hoarse. you felt yourself get lightheaded but you couldn’t stop your cries.
this is what you get for trying.
“hey stan! i just saw y/n biking down the road like a fucking maniac!” richie said as he trudged down the grassy slope.
“she looked like she was crying,” eddie frowned and that drove needles through stan’s heart. he made you cry again. he shouldn’t even be doing it in the first place! he was supposed to mend your heart, not break it.
“what the fuck did you do, stan?” mike crossed his arms, feeling extremely protective over your well-being. he was the brother you never had.
“i s-said bad-d things,” stan’s voice came out shakier than he expected. he was being overwhelmed with regret and sadness and he doesn’t know what to do about it. he was fully aware that he was being the world’s #1 asshole towards you and it hurt. what normal person does this to someone he loves?
“w-what d-did y-y-you s-s-say?” bill asks, sitting down on the grass.
stan rehashes the words he told you to the others and when he finished, they all looked at him with the utmost disgust on their features. stan felt his frown grow deeper. he really said some fucked up shit to you.
“you know what? i’m going to make this right,” mike got up and walked towards stan, grabbing his arm. “we’ll try to be back but it might take a while.”
“it’s fine, i’ll live,” ben chuckled and richie tried to protest but bill cut him off.
stan and mike biked over to your house and mike went over the plan of action.
“okay, i’ll go in and i won’t lock the door. you come in and you listen to what she says, don’t come out until i give some kind of signal. got it?” mike whispered and stan nodded. mike was about to knock but stan had one more question.
“tell me, is she really that hurt?” stan fiddled with his thumbs, scared of the answer.
“she really loved you,” was all mike said and then he rapped on the door. stan heard the door creak open and hid from your view.
“oh, hey mike,” you sniffled. “i thought you’d be over by the quarry with the others.”
“well, i saw you crying on your bike and i got concerned.” stan heard the door close behind them but instead of being met with silence, he still heard your voice and mike’s perfectly clear. you didn’t go back inside but rather sat on the steps of your front porch.
stan caught a glimpse of you and he could feel his stomach clench. you looked- in lack of a better word- horrible. your eyes were so red and puffy, your nose was red as well, an your hair was in a messy bun with all the baby hairs sticking out.
“i don’t know why he hates me so much mike, we had a great friendship then it turned upside down so quickly. i thought about whatever i could’ve done to provoke it but i’ve done nothing! and i-” you had to take a breather and blink the tears away. “and it sucks because i thought we had something. not just a friendship but more, you know? oh god, that sounds so stupidly cheesy.”
mike rubbed your back in comfort, “i’m pretty sure he doesn’t hate you, y/n.”
you scoffed, “that’s bullshit and you know it, mike. you’ve heard our arguments, he definitely hates me.”
“well, would you give him a chance to explain himself? you know, if he wanted to?” mike raised his eyebrows and you sighed. you never really thought about that, probably too consumed with the fit of sobs and shouts you were in.
“okay great, stan? come out,” mike called and you whipped your head towards mike in disbelief.
“mike? what the fuck?” you gawked at him and then you saw stan walk out from the side of your house, looking down at the ground. “no, get away, both of you.”
stan looked at you and met your gaze. you never seen his eyes so sad before. instead of a bright brown color, it looked murky, kind of like the water in the sewers by the barrens.
“please y/n i just-”
“no! you said it yourself, you wished that you’d never met me!” you raged at him. you saw stan wince and you saw mike slowly backing away. in your head, you apologized to your neighbors and made a note to make them some cookies.
“y/n just let me explain,” stan started to walk towards you and you backed away in response. “y/n, stop walking away please. just let me talk to you.”
you backed into your wall and stan cornered you there, leaving you with no place to escape. “stanley uris, get away from me or so help me god.”
“not until you hear me out,” stan mumbled, his voice low in an effort to calm you down.
“don’t you understand? i don’t want to talk to you,” your voice cracked but you refused to cry again, not in front of him anyway.
“then don’t, just listen.”
you press your hands against his chest and push him back but you had little success. you started to beat on his chest, putting as much anger as you can to each blow. stan groaned at the force but took it anyways, he wanted to at least take away some of your pain. but he had enough and grabbed your wrists and held onto them tight, determined to not let go despite your struggles.
“let me go, please stan. just let me go,” your voice was quiet, broken, your words meaning it both literally and figuratively. “let me go and we can forget about all of this.”
“but i don’t want to, y/n. i can’t just drop any connection with you.” stan began to tear up himself.
“you know what, stan? right from the moment you turned on me, i knew i lost you. it was weird because i’ve lost so many friends before and i never cared. less responsibility, right? well that wasn’t the case with you. i cried myself to sleep. why? i didn’t know,” you cried, looking him dead in the eyes. you didn’t even notice that he let go of your wrists. “then i realized, you weren’t just any friend to me. you were the first friend i let myself get attached to and that was the worst mistake i’ve ever made.”
stan felt a tear roll down his face and he sighed, “y/n, there are no words to explain how much of an idiot i am. but i still back up what i said earlier. i wish i’d never met you but not in the way i said it before but because i didn’t want to fall in love and it happened with you. love brings pain and sadness and i didn’t want that. but i was willing to take that risk and it scared the shit out of me. don’t you get it? you own my heart, y/n.”
you couldn’t speak. it was as if your brain shut down and you just looked at stan, staring holes into him. “please say something.”
you struggle to get words out but you manage, “so you think declaring your love for me will make things better? you hurt me stan but i’m also undeniably in love with you too that i’m willing to work on it.”
stan’s eyes shone with a glimmer of hope, was this really happening? he decided to go for it and placed a kiss on your lips. his heart was beating so hard, he thought it would just leap out his chest but you kissed back and stan felt so much weight get lifted off. he pulled away, his cheeks tingling and your ears ringing.
you wrapped your arms around his neck and he wrapped his around your waist and held you tight. you two slid to the floor and stayed like that, tangled in a hug, feeling all the tension slowly lift away.
everything felt so right with stan again and you couldn’t help but thank the heavens above for your curly headed boy for you knew that he was a keeper and you knew that you and him would do everything in your power to keep each other close, no matter the damage.