I don’t know what I’m doing with my life anymore. I’m not living properly and it bothers me. I sit in my room all day, alone and depressed. I don’t feel like seeing friends, I don’t feel like eating, all I ever want to do is sleep all day. I can’t even sleep properly anymore. I always wake up and can’t fall asleep. I think it’s because of all my anxiety and stress. My anxiety has been sky high lately and my depression has been worse than usual. I don’t want to talk to my friends or family or anyone else, I just want to be in my room alone. Whenever I’m around people I end up getting extremely uncomfortable. I usually feel better when I’m around my friends since we’re laughing and being stupid, but even when I’m with my friends I just want to sleep and not leave their bed. I’m stuck in between wanting to be alone and wanting to be surrounded by the few friends that I have. Something’s wrong and I don’t know what. Something’s off. This life I’m living isn’t mine, this is not what I had planned. Right now, I’m laying in bed and I can hear the fireworks outside since it’s the day before the Fourth of July. I bet everyone’s staring up at the sky, watching the beautiful bursts of fire go off in the air. They’re probably with their friends or family’s or partner. I envy them. I wish I were out with my friends and my partner, but I don’t even have a partner because I don’t think that guy wants me like I want him. And it hurts, it hurts so fucking much. It starts in my stomach and goes up to my chest and fills my lungs, I can no longer breathe. Nothing’s going right again. I’m sad, filled with anxiety, and I have no motivation for anything anymore. Truthfully, I want to die. I almost got hit by a car last week and I didn’t even feel any sort of adrenaline or fear, I felt nothing. Maybe I wanted to get hit by that car. If they hadn’t stopped, I would’ve gotten hit. They shouldn’t have stopped. I’m miserable and I can’t take this anymore. I’ve just been falling back into my old habits and I hate it, but I can’t stop. I need help.