I’ve been thinking a bit and like
What if humans are really the only species to be hateful to members of their own species because of things they can’t help (Racism/Sexism/Homophobia/etc)
Like I’m just?? I don’t think I’ve seen that in any other species EXCEPT humans. All I’m seeing here is multiple conversations following along the lines of
Human: So then I said ‘Get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich!’ Hahaha
Alien: Why would she do that? Aren’t you perfectly capable of doing the same?
Human: No, it’s just.. she’s a girl, and a girl’s place is in the kitchen.
Alien: ??? Is are females of your species literally entirely dependent upon living in a single type of room in the houses you build??
Human: No,,, but,,,
Alien: If you aren’t capable of even making a simple ‘sandwich’ then I’m afraid we must’ve gotten the wrong guy on our ship. You’re a mechanic, surely you should be able to construct such a simple thing as a sandwich.
Alien: So your parents kicked you out?
Human: Yeah, they didn’t really like that I was gay.
Alien: Why would they do that? Humans are supposed to be really possessive and caring creatures, yet it seems that your 'parents’ go against most known laws about humans.
Human: Nah, it’s not that uncommon, sadly, I’m by far not the first nor the last. At least it’s better, they used to kill gay people LEGALLY for being gay.
Alien: 'Legally??’ You mean at one point it was LEGAL for you guys to kill people for an alteration in attraction?? People still do that on your planet, but just ILLEGALLY???
Various other conversations follow, and every alien is able to conclude one thing:
Humans can safely be assumed as the most BACKWARDS ASS species most have EVER found. They kill each other for fuck’s sake over something someone said in a book hundreds of years ago.
<b>Harry, at some point probably:</b> Ginny Weasley??? Isn't she so wonderful! She's so beautiful and good at Quidditch and— [trips] [hundreds of thousands of photos of Ginny spill out of jacket] Look! Look at her, my beautiful wife isnt she the best [gathering them up frantically, pushing then in your face] listen i just listen fuck [thousands of pictures of Ginny scatter across the floor] shit fuck shes just the best person I know and she makes me so happy just listen!!<p/></p>
I have this lowkey headcanon that Chris knew about the prank they were planning for Hannah. maybe Ashley told him about it, because “it’s just supposed to be funny.” except he doesn’t think it’s funny, at all, but he also doesn’t think any real harm will come of it, so instead of participating, he gets smashed with Josh and just lets it happen, figuring everything will be alright in the morning, because what’s the worst that could happen?
I propose: an au where Chris does tell Josh and the twins about what the others are planning, because he’s protective and as much as he loves a good joke, which this definitely isn’t, he doesn’t want Hannah to get hurt.
Hannah is understandably upset and both Josh and Beth are royally pissed, but while Josh just wants to punch Mike in the face and tell the others to gtfo, Beth has a better idea: she’s going to dress up as Hannah and give them all a surprise.
so with help from Josh and Chris, the twins switch outfits. their hair is a little tricky because Hannah’s is much longer and Beth has bangs, but bobby pins, hair clips, and hats are a godsend. Hannah recreates her tattoo on Beth’s arm with a marker and covers hers with Beth’s sweater, the finishing touches of makeup are applied, and by the end of it Beth is indistinguishable from Hannah to anyone who doesn’t look too close for too long.
Josh preemptively sets up an extra camera in the guest room in case anyone deletes the footage from Matt’s camera, everybody tries to act casual, and then it’s just a matter of time.
when the time finally comes, everyone think’s it’s working; Beth impersonates her sister perfectly, and no one suspects anything is amiss until she moves in like she’s going to kiss Mike…
…and promptly knees him in the balls.
she chews him out, threatens him with worse things if he ever tries to do something like this to her big sister ever again, flips everyone else the bird, and saunters out to roars of laughter from Chris and Josh (and questions from Sam, whom they did not inform for that extra bit of authenticity).
the video goes viral and Mike doesn’t hear the end of it for weeks.