when i’m sad i think of the time two-face kidnapped robin and he takes him to the getaway car which he has been so meticulous about defacing only half of it and jason who has been so chill the entire time is just like omfg you’re tacky and i hate you
Idea: the bats give the villains a way to contact them after they realize that since many of the villains compete for resources, it would be in their best interests to report their competitors.
This is a very important idea because it comes with the image of Two-Face and Penguin yelling at each other in a back alley, deciding to report each other at the same time, and diving for their phones. Cobblepot frantically scrolls through his contacts while Harvey screams HEY SIRI CALL BATMAN into his speaker. If only they had put Batman on speed dial
do you ever think about the strain on bruce having to deal with the batfamily…and rogues gallery…simultaneously…like “we gotta work together for the sake of gotham!!1!” but bruce can’t even deal with the city-shattering event because damian made a disparaging comment and now two-face is down to fight a 10-year-old. will bruce ever get to arkham without a migraine? who knows jason just said freud was wrong and started a screaming match with scarecrow in the back of the batmobile. stephanie needs stitches because she made a plant fucker joke. and bruce is just tired..he’s just so tired…
Edward Nygma:He whole-heartedly and unironically hates minions with a fiery passion. It's the source of many fights with Harley and Jervis. He also collects Rare Pepes.
Bane:Just...just DO IT! Break Batman's back! Rule Gotham! DONT LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS
Jonathan Crane:he INVENTED the gothic meme, don't even tell me otherwise. It creeps the other inmates out when he reads them out loud, mainly bc he does so in the dead of night.
Killer Croc:Arkham is calm (enough), until, out of nowhere, Croc runs into the room roaring "John CENAAAAAA"
Ivy:"Why the fuck you lyin?" meme. In particular, whenever the Joker says anything. She has the audio saved on Harley's phone and plays it while he talks. She's also a fan of the "gal pal" meme for obvious reasons.
Deadshot:he likes a lot of memes, especially "mmmm watcha say", but it's still hard to-
Harley:"What are THOOSE?" Literally nowhere is safe. Sometimes she combines it with her old favorite meme, the dress meme, for terrifying "what color are THOOOSE?" results. She's always a slut for good memes
Joker:There's nothing like a good old-fashioned Rick Roll! Especially when you use it as a countdown to piss Batsy off while he's detonating that bomb! Also the Mcfreakin lose it meme, he tries to reenact that once.
Râs Al Ghul:Talia, stop telling everyone he's dead.
Selina Kyle:"Hoe, don't do it!" bc those are often words said in her presence and it's practically about her now. She also sends the Rihanna winking gif in any situation.
Harvey Dent:"Breadstick" meme, whenever meeting up for deals he makes sure there's breadsticks, so if things go badly he can flip to see if he grabs the bread and runs or not. He also firmly believes in the Berenstein/Berenstain multiverse theory...or half of him does, at least.
Jervis Tetch:"I lo-" meme and "X and chill". "Yes Jerv, we know, you love Alice so much, you want to read Lewis Carroll and chill with her-GOD DONT DO THE LOOK"
Talia Al Ghul:"Bitch, where?" meme bc Talia relates to being flawless on a deep and personal level.
Victor Fries:You've heard of giving life back to your unconscious wife, now get ready for years of disappointment and bitterness!
Oswald:Penguin, there's no need to feel down, I said, Penguin, steal those birds all year round,
Clayface:"you're a kid you're a squid" bc he can be both a kid AND a squid
The Joker:You should fight the Joker but don't. He's always got some dirty trick up his sleeve and he's smarter than you think. Even if you win and don't die, he'll probably come back with some horrific retaliation against you and your family.
Poison Ivy:Don't fight Poison Ivy. She might not be the best hand to hand but she's got all those strangling vines and giant venus fly traps to feed you to. If you win, you're never going to be able to leave your house again and if you have a garden, you're fucked.
The Riddler:You should absolutely fight Riddler. He's an arrogant, patronizing nerd who thinks he can get away with talking smack. Fight him and shove him in a locker. Asshole.
Mr Freeze:I mean, you can fight Freeze but why would you want to? He's done some bad things but give the guy a break, okay? He's just trying to help his wife. Don't be a douchebag.
Catwoman:Why would you want to fight Catwoman? She's just here for your stuff, which is probably insured. She's got a lot of hungry kitty mouths to feed, okay? Just calm down. Plus, she's x10 a better fighter than you'll ever be. Don't be fooled by the tight-fitting spandex.
Scarecrow:Fight him, so long as you have a gas mask. He's an asshole. He got his "violent dancing" but it's 99% most likely bullshit.
Two-Face:Oh yeah, fight the scarred guy. Does he deserve it? Well, yes. I mean, he beat up the first Robin with a baseball bat and has killed a bunch of people but his life is HORRIBLE. Do you know how hard it is to find a date looking the way he does? He'd probably just shoot you before you could land a punch, anyway.
Bane:Don't fight Bane. It's not a good move, ask Batman.
Harley Quinn:Lots of people have tried and failed to fight Harley Quinn. Why would you want to? She's so adorable. And she's got enough on her plate as it is. She'd probably kick your ass but give the girl a break, jeez.
Ra's al Ghul:DON'T FUCKING FIGHT RA'S AL FUCKING GHUL. A FEW WEEKS OF TRAINING WILL NOT BEAT AN IMMORTAL ASSASSIN WHO IS THE LEADER OF A LEAGUE OF THEM. LEAVE RA'S TO THE PROFESSIONALS.
The Penguin:Fight Penguin. He's a pompous prick who needs to be taught a lesson. Watch out for the sharp end of that umbrella, though.
Man-Bat:Don't fight Man-Bat. Poor guy can't control it. Just leave him alone.
Killer Croc:What the fuck is wrong with you? Don't fight Croc. Dude eats people, which should be motivation enough to stay away from him but apart from that he's a chill guy. He gives people a home in his sewers. It's fine, don't fight him.