harry-with-hat

So my English teacher sorts us into Hogwarts houses based on a test she’s created (using elements from pottermore and other sites) and here’s what the houses are like in my class:

Gryffindor: SO. LOUD. Trouble following directions. Always so confident about answers even when they’re wrong. Silly as heck. Goofs of the classroom. Come in with stories to share every day. Constantly losing a lot of points at one time.

Ravenclaw: Timid and calm. First to have answers but the last to actually raise their hand. MeSSy as heck. Don’t really like to share but enjoy discussions. Always get work done before class ends. Dont gain or lose points all too often.

Slytherin: Quiet until they get fired up. Strict rule followers. Shit talk other houses and then get salty when insulted. Get super weird and deep in discussions. Brutal memers. Gain more points than lost.

Hufflepuffs: Literally never shut up. Sweet and snappy. Never get any work done. The most welcoming house. Really into goofy humor. Always eating snacks and yelling at each other. Lose points most of the time but when they gain them they gain a lot.

Houses During Pride Month
  • I am a shit who never posts and I'm only posting now because I signed up for a summer class at my new school that starts on Tuesday and I have 40 pages of homework problems. Yes.
  • Gryffindor: They are into everything happening, they're showing up at every fricking event. Would totally punch a punk in the face for making a homophobic comment. Just like a giant party. Pride colors all the way.
  • Ravenclaw: Has made so many signs. Why so many signs? You don't know. They don't know either. Signs everywhere. And stickers, but mostly signs.
  • Slythein: Wearing the most obnoxiously overdone clothing possible just to piss people off. If not, literally doesn't talk about it at all until someone makes a comment to their face that's homophobic and they just smile and stare into their eyes while they reveal their sexual/gender preferences.
  • Hufflepuff: Is hosting all the best house parties, has stickers all over their car. Might do something really cute like make pride cupcakes or wear a custom shirt.
The Sorting Hat
  • Sorting hat: </b> you belong in Slytherin, bro
  • Harry: </b> no, pls anything but Slytherin
  • Sorting hat: </b> no drarry is my otp
  • Harry: </b> but Gryffindor-
  • Sorting Hat: </b> did I FUCKING STUTTER
  • Harry: </b>
  • Sorting hat: </b>
  • Harry: </b>
  • Sorting hat: </b> SLYTHERIN

how the hell exactly did the legendary four founders of Hogwarts decide that houses were going to be sorted with a HAT

Salazar : what about we organise duels and the winner–

Rowena : no, are you crazy?? they’ll have a writing test, that’s it–

Helga and Godric, bursting through the door, completely drunk : A TaLkiNG hAT

The other day, I wondered how the world of Harry Potter would be different if all students were sorted every year, rather than only in their first. So I wrote this.


Little is changed from Harry Potter’s first year at Hogwarts. Still he sits under that hat, thinking, not Slytherin; still the Hat considers his potential before sending him to Gryffindor. Still he is joined in Gryffindor by Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, still the Slytherin he so feared to be in will hold Draco Malfoy. Little is different about the placement of the older students, for all the Sorting Ceremony is made longer, and the Hat’s song a little changed, with their participation. Fred and George Weasley, like their younger brother, are still in Gryffindor. Ambitious Percy Weasley may be in Slytherin by now, maybe not yet, but he is a Prefect regardless. Oliver Wood or someone like him will still be Harry’s first Quidditch Captain.

In Harry’s second year, he and Ron are in more trouble than ever for missing the Sorting Ceremony. Now the Hat must be got out again to Sort these two boys who have caused such a stir, to confirm what surprises no one: both will remain in Gryffindor this year. (This time, Harry is once again thinking his wishes to the Hat, but instead of not Slytherin, he is pleading, Gryffindor, Gryffindor – picturing the warm Gryffindor common room that is the first home he has ever known, the first place that has welcomed him rather than shut him away. The hat, once again, obeys his wishes.) Both boys are relieved to find their House much the same as they left it; Hermione Granger is in their midst again, joined by Ron’s shy little sister Ginny.

Neville Longbottom, who had been plagued throughout his first year in Gryffindor by doubt as to his right to be there, is with them again, too. They missed his silent drama at the Ceremony, too, as the boy sat under the Hat that could see into his mind and reflected on the end of term. He had remembered standing up to the three classmates he thought he could call his friends, only to be left behind – hexed, as he so often was, ridiculed. More proof that he did not belong in the brave House. But he remembered, too, Dumbledore’s voice at the end-of-year feast – praising him for doing what was hard. He remembered being awarded House points for this simple act, and with the meagre sum, winning Gryffindor the House Cup. That heady feeling of being, for just one moment, a celebrated hero – that was like nothing else. That was worth a year and more of self-doubt. So Neville now unpacked his bags in the Gryffindor dormitories again, and, like Harry, he felt for the first time that he was home.

Harry has grown complacent, all his friends staying with him from his first year to his second. He hears the warnings of the older students on his Quidditch team (some of whom go from one House’s team to the next from year to year), the reminders that he will need to make new friends soon, but he does not really believe them. He cannot imagine his world changing even more than it has.

This is why he feels as though his stomach has dropped out of his body, as though he has fallen into some bottomless pit, when things change in his third year. He is still in Gryffindor, yes, and still with Ron, thank goodness for that, but Hermione Granger is no longer of their House. Hermione, who spent the last term of her second year as a statue, whose research was the only part of her that got to be a part of the battle in the Chamber of Secrets, who scrambled and sweated when she was unpetrified to pass all her courses in the remaining days of term – despite the promises of the administration that classes missed by the basilisk’s victims would not be held against their grades. Hermione, who had been called an “insufferable know-it-all” so many times that it had almost stopped hurting, who had felt so frustrated with the cavalier attitude her fellow Gryffindors took to classwork. She was now a Ravenclaw, the blue insignia on her robes matching that of Ginny Weasley, who seemed to have shrunk in on herself after the events of last term. (Ginny, like Harry in his first year, sat under the Hat in her second year thinking not Slytherin, not Slytherin, but then she had paused, and thought, not Gryffindor, too, because Riddle had possessed her despite her red-and-gold robes, and because she did not feel brave.)

Ginny, Hermione, and Luna Lovegood (here is one girl the Hat cannot imagine placing anywhere but Ravenclaw, though it will surprise itself in years to come) soon find each other in the Ravenclaw common room, and form an odd, but tight, bond over the first few weeks of term. Hermione finds that it is nice to have close friends who are girls; she never had this in her two years in Gryffindor. She still finds time to talk to Harry, to help him with an essay in the library or to keep him company on restless Hogsmeade weekends or to walk with him to Hagrid’s hut. They are still friends, and good ones; no disparity of House can change the bond forged in fighting a mountain troll together, and all they have been through together since.

She explains this, at last, to Ron Weasley in the days before Christmas vacation, when the dark looks he has been sending her all term finally come to a head in a shouting match outside the Divination tower. Ron, too quick to view matters in black and white, had seen her Ravenclaw badge as a betrayal, a defection. Had imagined that this was her choice, rather than the honest assessment of the Hat. Had felt left behind, discarded, second-rate, dismissed like his brothers’ hand-me-down robes that he wore. With Harry to remind him not to be an ass, to remind Hermione that Ron was always like this, they made up soon enough. Hermione laughed and called Ron an idiot, but fondly; and he laughed back, and told her that the blue and silver only made her look more the nerd. The trio were reunited, even if they were in different houses.

And, after that fight at least, perhaps the difference of house was a blessing in disguise. Crookshanks could not worry at Ron’s rat when they lived in different common rooms. There was no fight between Ron and Hermione about their pets; when Scabbers went missing, there was no talk of foul play, only an agreement between the three friends that they would try to find him. The three were still present in the Shrieking Shack, two Gryffindor children and one Ravenclaw, to bear witness to the true identity of Scabbers, to bear witness to the reunion of the three living Marauders. They still saved Buckbeak; they still lost Pettigrew.

Keep reading

I’m imagining the epilouge but with Neville’s kid instead of Harry’s.
  • Sensibly Named Child: Dad, what if the hat puts me in Slytherin?
  • Neville: Then it means you really are a Slytherin. Do you have any idea how hard I begged to be a Hufflepuff? How hard I argued with the hat against Gryffindor? And you know what, it turns out the hat was right and I pulled the sword out of the hat and killed the snake. It's a magical hat and you're an eleven year old who thinks Axe works to attract girls. You know nothing, listen to the hat.
Harry Hook - “Make-out and Takeout”

Originally posted by psychopierce


Request: “Can you do a harry x reader where they always have really sarcastic and funny greetings and arguments which sometimes esculate and everyone can feel the sexual tension between them so they get locked in a room on deck and end up in heated making out”

Pairing: Harry Hook x Reader

Warnings: Profanity, Heated Making Out


“Why are you acting like such an idiot! I totally had him!” You exclaimed barging through the doors of Ursula’s Fish and Chips, seething.

“Well excuse me miss, it seemed to me that you were more concerned with flirting with the brute than actually fighting him.” Harry shot back sliding onto a seat on the bar.

“What happened this time?” Gil whispered to Uma as the two continued to argue feverishly.

“Harry and Y/N had a simple mission to steal a few swords from the Scarlet Skulls, but they had a bit of trouble.” She answered with an annoyed sigh.

“It was not any kind of trouble. I was trying to move the theft along with distracting their captain, but the grump over here got all hostile and got us busted.” You argued ignoring Harry mocking you from behind a menu.

“Listen darling, I was just trying to help you. Your charisma skills are below average at best.” He smirked moving the menu from between you, causing you to slap his pirate hat right off his head.

“You’re gonna pay for that, Y/N.” He exclaimed as you skipped away cackling at his blushing face.

Gil turned to Uma with a confused expression.

“Weren’t they just fighting?” He said shoving a handful of fries into his mouth.

“That’s Y/N and Harry.” Uma stated smirking as Harry chased you around the restaurant playfully.

A Few Days Later…

“You’re back again, Harry? Thought me beating you in the sword fight yesterday would damage your pride.” You taunted as a single drip of sweat fell from your forehead.

The past few days were unbearable in terms of Uma training everyone to basically their breaking point. Yesterday was the start of partner “battles”, and you were of course paired with Harry.

“Please, Y/N. I always love a challenge.” He smirked brandishing his sword and pointing it at your neck.

You tried to keep your eyes on his mischievous smile, but Harry had decided to train shirtless today. The sweltering heat seemed to be too much for him, but you knew he was only doing this to distract you.

Turning the tables, you pushed his sword away from you and held your own blade at his torso threateningly.

“Well, you’re definitely in the right place, Hook.” You muttered getting closer to his face. He smiled slightly and hit his sword with yours, causing a loud clash to sound.

This went on for a while, each of you having your short turn to overcome the other. But these were short-lived, as both of you were excellent fighters, not willing to back down.

“Give up yet, princess?” Harry breathed as you stumbled slightly. “Never, princey.” You exclaimed regaining your balance and jabbing at Harry’s leg.

He quickly dodged it though, which was to be expected. What you didn’t expect was for him to put down his sword in surrender and move closer to you.

“What’re you—“ You started glaring into his blue eyes.

“Shh, don’t fight it.” He said placing his index finger on your pouting lips. Harry began to lean in, and being completely stunned, you didn’t move.

He saw your shock and took the opportunity to swipe your legs and pin you on the dock, your wrists held above your head by his hook hand.

“Challenge accomplished.” Harry whispered with an innocent expression.

“Hey, get a room, will you?” Uma said folding her arms over her chest at the sight of the two of you. You glared at Harry’s signature smirk and pushed him off, tossing him his sword from off the ground.

“Fuck off.” You growled as Harry blew you an innocent kiss, winking at you as he did so.

“Gladly, babe.” He chuckled watching your fuming figure exit to your quarters below deck.

“What are you two, anyway?” Uma questioned as she watched the scene in front of her.

“No clue.” Harry stated placing his hat on his head.

Later that Night…

You had avoided Harry since the morning’s “incident” successfully until Gil pulled you to participate in the crew’s discussion on the main deck.

“Gil, I don’t want to play a stupid game.” You groaned whipping your hand away from his grip and beginning to walk away. “What’s wrong, Y/N? Can’t take a challenge?” A Scottish accent teased as he was dragged in at the bicep by Uma, who had a devious look in her eyes.

“Never back away from one.” You mumbled plopping down on the floor hesitantly. “Okay everyone, so me being the gracious captain that I am, I’m having a small game of Seven Minutes in Heaven!” Uma exclaimed cheerily as Harry took a seat next to you.

Your face paled, praying that you didn’t end up embarrassing yourself to any more extent than you had that day already.

Uma’s little game nights were required, and if you refused she made your life a living hell for the next week.

Last time you had boycotted Truth or Dare, toilets were cleaned by only you for five days straight. Shuddering at the thought, you turned your attention back to Uma as she excitedly explained the game.

“Now, any volunteers?” She finished with a bright smile. Crickets were heard for a few seconds before Harry’s hand went up slowly.

“Just to get it over with.” He sighed getting up tentatively. Uma smirked, you had no idea but her plan was going perfectly.

“Alrighty then, Gil, who should join Harry in the basement this evening?” She asked the blonde pirate as he looked up. “Y/N seems to be a bit lonely.” He answered pushing you towards the two of them roughly.

You turned a deep shade of red and stuttered an excuse to not participate. “Uh-uh, Y/N. Toilets are already being cleaned by Gil this week.” Uma sighed pushing both yourself and Harry below deck and locking the door.

“She’s such an…ugh!” You exclaimed pounding on the door violently. “I guess it’s not so bad, at least you’re not down here with Dan, he only has two teeth.” Harry joked sitting down on the ground.

You rolled your eyes and groaned, “At least Dan wouldn’t embarrass me in front of our entire crew.”

You slid down onto the floor next to Harry as you saw his eyes linger on your lips. “Why’d you do it, huh?” You questioned referring to the little stunt he pulled earlier.

“You know why.” He scoffed throwing his hands in the air dramatically. “Maybe I would if you fucking tell me!” You shot back angrily getting in his face to seem menacing.

“Because…” He started quietly. Your face held an adorable confusion that he decided he couldn’t resist any longer.

Placing a gentle hand on your cheek, Harry pulled your face closer and connected your lips with his.

In shock, you didn’t realize what he was doing exactly before he pulled away quickly.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—“

“Kiss me again.” You breathed interrupting him.

“What?” He asked quickly. “Kiss. Me. Again.” You stated sternly staring into his eyes.

His smirk returned on his face as he leaned forward and placed heated kisses on your lips.

You kissed back feverishly, lacing your hands in his hair as he pulled you onto his lap excitedly.

Giggling into his lips, you hold his jaw in your hands, attempting to deepen the kiss even more. This earns a groan from the pirate and you smirk.

“Looks like they’ve finally got together.” A voice states as the doors open. You don’t jump from Harry, just face the crew at the door in shock.

“Seven minutes was up ten minutes ago.” Gil chuckled as the two of you got up, blush-faced and embarrassed.

“Why don’t we ditch this and order takeout, my treat.” Harry mumbles in your ear once everyone had settled down.

Smiling, you nod and take his awaiting hand.

Later that night, kisses were exchanged and Harry fell asleep on your stomach, a box of noodles in his hand.