Seconds before Harry cheerfully wipes the floor with the entire new batch of recruits after they express their doubts about the new Arthur’s (Harry!) abilities in the field. Eggsy came prepared with refreshments and is still dazzled by Harry’s peacocking graceful savagery, hah.
I know, I know, Harry is supposed to have a bitchin’ eyepatch BUT I’ve gotten so used to draw him with a scar so…
Toast and Ray Fucking Purchase are head to head (cough) in a voiceover session for European gay porn. I swear I don’t know how they kept a straight face for this. I would love to see the outtakes from this scene.
so you know how there’s the bear grylls show where he goes out adventuring with celebrities and he goes all over the world to test their outdoor/survival skills?
imagine one for where eggsy is bear grylls and harry hart is the celebrity.
eggsy knows that when he was younger, harry was a big action film star (harry now just does romantic comedy films or period films (EGGSY LOVES THEM TOO))
eggsy’s like “well that was just in the movies”
so eggsy spends his time preparing for the episode by thinking up ways to protect harry or help him out.
merlin is harry’s PA and best friend for life so like, every time he meets up with eggsy and his team, to talk about where eggsy will take harry for the episode (eggsy’s like DON’T WORRY I WILL TAKE CARE OF HIM I WILL KEEP HIM SAFE), merlin tries to keep his laughter in because it’s obvious that (while eggsy is a fan) eggsy doesn’t know of harry’s background in the military.
merlin relays all this info to harry and harry just shrugs and he’s like “i’ll show him then” and merlin is like “okay try not to break the kid, haz, he’s a fan *wiggles eyebrows*” and harry is like pffttt
(harry’s a fan of eggsy too because he LOVES adventurer shows and maybe eggsy but don’t tell anyone it’s a sECRET)
on the day of the episode (idk if you’ve watched the show, bear usually drops out of nowhere from a helicopter or something) like eggsy shows up in a helly and he picks up harry and his jaW DROPS!!!!
harry looks good in a suit but he looks damn beautiful in his survival gear.
merlin let’s out a cackle behind the camera and the crew also kind of laughs also
(ROXY DID THIS [she’s eggsy’s like ~*Assistant*~ but also in charge of the show], she set the whole thing up just to mess with eggsy cos she knows he has a crush on harry but she didn’t know it was this serious)
so the episode starts out with eggsy trying very hard to impress harry but
the whole episode is just harry peacocking for eggsy and eggsy’s jaw is on the ground the whole episode!!!! HE DIDN’T KNOW!!!! HARRY!!! COULD!!! DO THAT!!! DAMN SON
(there’s a scene where they have to climb a tree to see the landscape and eggsy is like “lemme do this” but harry is like “no, here let me try” and fuckin spidermonkeys up the bloody tree and eggsy’s on the ground with his jaw on the ground again (obvi the crew IS DYING because this is GOLD)
but anyway, when they’re done filming… harry is whisked away bc he did the episode as promotion for his RETURN to action films. eggsy pines 4 harry. merlin and roxy r facepalming bc how could they be so SILLY.
merlin has the big idea to invite eggsy to the premiere and have him walk the carpet too and roxy is like yessss
the episode airs and the most popular hashtag on twitter is: #HARTWINvsTHEWORLD and #HARTWIN and #JAWMEETGROUND
they don’t see each other til the premiere but when they do….
harry’s jaw meets the ground bc eggsy cleans up very well
eggsy is never going 2 be over harry in a suit
they want to talk but they’re both swarmed by reporters!!!! (they aSK ABOUT THE #HARTWIN and stuff and eggsy just blushes and harry is like “it’s natural chemistry, obviously” [but inside u know he’s dYIN TOO])
they finally get in 2 see the movie: harry is seated in front of eggsy in the theatre and he’s like oH SNAP and he’s like IM OUT I CANT DO THIS!!! THNX.
but merlin nudges him and roxy flicks him on the head (she’s behind him 2 lol) and he goes 2 follow eggsy
he goes and finds eggsy in an empty hallway (ORIGINAL YES I KNOW)
they don’t declare their love for each other BUT as harry is talking about the episode being wonderful and wanting 2 spend more time with eggsy doing that stuff…. eggsy blurts out “GO ON A DATE WITH ME PLEASE” and harry blushes and says “YES” immediately.
obviously they start dating AND
on their one year anniversary they do a follow up episode
harry and eggsy are very heart eyes at each other but are very competitive so they make it
-Scorpius loved playing with the dozen or so albino peacocks outside the manor when he was little.
-And even more so when he was older.
-One day when he was seven he volunteered to feed them for their house-elf and immediately fell in love with the beauty of their bright, pure-white feathers and light, strutting gaits.
-But he mostly loved them because of how playful they could be.
-He would chase them off the hedges and around the lawns and they would half-heartedly chase him back in what could possibly be interpreted as a game of tag if you’re seven and very, very lonely
-Though the peacocks could be somewhat aggressive at times they were always very gentle towards him.
-He ended up naming all of them: half after his favorite historical figures and half absolutely ridiculous things that would make Ginny Weasley’s “Pigwidgeon” seem reasonable by comparison.
-One of them was definitely named “Albus” after Albus Dumbledore, of course.
-Though later, during the lonelier parts of the summer holidays when they were apart, it might have been in reference to a different Albus.
-But when Albus Severus did visit the Manor for the first time and Scorpius showed him his beloved peacocks and quickly rattled off their names without thinking and Albus looked at him with his eyebrows raised, he immediately insisted that he only named it after Dumbledore, obviously.
-It wasn’t the status symbol of them that appealed to him, he told Albus, but their hidden softness and kindness and sweetness that was obvious if you got to know them.
-He explained that though the phrase “albino peacocks” gave off the image of money and pride and confidence to most people, they were really actually very silly and fun and quite playful
-Though Albus still thought they looked a bit over-the-top to any regular person, he loved that they could make Scorpius smile like that
-Not to mention he absolutely loved seeing Scorpius be so very gentle and careful with them while he tended to them
-And that’s why several years later when they were moving into their first home with a real garden and “plenty of peacock room” as Scorpius put it, Albus conceded and let his boyfriend move “Wendelin the Weird” from the lawns of Malfoy Manor to theirs
Ward My Heart (And Pull Me to You) by @alpha-exodus (12k) It’s an inexplicable pull that starts bringing Malfoy to Harry, but it’s the endless rounds of tea and a quickly blooming friendship that bring him back.
In Flight by @eidheann (4k) What a Malfoy wanted, a Malfoy got. And Draco Malfoy wanted Harry Potter.
Haute Allure by zeitgeistic (12k) Harry is famous for his menswear now. Malfoy is the inside leg that he loves running his tape measure up.
In His Nature by create_serenity (20k) Harry agreed to have sex with Draco once a month in order to keep him alive, what he didn’t agree to was Draco popping up all over the place and disrupting his life in more ways than one.
The Arrangement by create_serenity (15k) The arrangement was very simple really, and very convenient. Draco just hadn’t expected it to result in this mess. Written for the do_me_veela prompt: Harry and Draco help each other out during dry spells when no one else is around that they can have sex with. They unintentionally bond and well, it’s all Potter’s fault.
The Ugly Duckling by ICMezzo (16k) Draco is all atwitter when he wakes up on his birthday with a few unexpected feathers. Suspecting foul play, he enlists Harry to help him get rid of his unfortunate birden—er, burden.
A Choice of Wings by Lomonaaeren (18k) A Choice of Wings is Harry’s matchmaking business for Veela who have trouble finding mates. And Draco Malfoy is his most difficult client.
Of Veela, Gifts, and Slow Courtships by enchanted_jae (2k)
Draco Malfoy keeps showing up whenever Harry is in danger and saves the day! Only since Harry leads a rather quiet life he saves him from less than ‘mortal peril’ situations. Still, it’s the best he, Draco, can do to impress his mate!
Don’t Fight (What You Can’t Deny) by digthewriter (10k) Harry’s life changes when he comes across a book that no one else can seem to read. Except for Malfoy, of course.
Only in Hopes of Dreaming by leo_draconis (17k) When Harry wakes up blind and in pain, he relies on the help of the stranger who took him in - a stranger he is rapidly falling for. Except the stranger isn’t really a stranger, and what he’s hiding could tear them apart before they begin.
c r a v e by epsilonargus (11k) ‘You are pushing me away to what, protect me? You’re lying, Draco, and worse, you’re fucking lying to yourself. You’re scared. You’re scared of wanting me.’ He laughs, hollow. ‘Godric, why do I have to go and fall in love with a bloody Slytherin?’ – A story in which Draco is too scared to reach out for what he wants. Featuring Veela!Draco.
The Weight of Eternity by venis_envy (20k) Desperate for survival, Draco takes what he needs from others while avoiding the one he’s meant to be with. His newfound compassion will not allow him to trap the one he loves, even if it means his own life is the price paid for Harry’s freedom of choice.
There’s You by epsilonargus (19k) When Draco is attacked and turned into a Veela, he falls under the protection of Auror Harry Potter.
Honesty Is the Best Policy by beren (12k) Draco has family heritage to deal with and an obsession who is completely immune to his advances. He’s about ready to try anything, even honesty.,
A Delicate Arrangement by mindabbles (6k) Harry’s learned over time that a delicate touch is sometimes superior to a harsh grip. If he can remember that with Draco, he might solve the case, protect a dozen children, and he may, he may just get what he wants most.
Hopelessly, I’ll Love You Endlessly by zams (20k) Draco’s quickly running out of time to choose a mate, but how can he when all his potential mates are completely unacceptable? Pansy, Ron, his seventy-year old married boss… none of them are suitable. He’s just about to despair when he unexpectedly crosses paths with Harry Potter, who turns out to be another mate. But he’s just as unsuitable as the rest, or is he? A lot’s changed since the War and maybe Harry’s not so unsuitable after all.
A Life More (or less) Ordinary by Tari_Sue (22k) Harry is working at St Mungo’s as a student nurse and finds himself becoming a bit too attached to one of the patients – a dying Veela who won’t let anyone close.
Partners by megyal (5k) Draco (with glasses!) and Harry are assigned partners during Auror training; Veela!Draco with suddenly attracted and irritated!Harry.
A Healthy Obsession by fantasyfiend09 (7k)
During their eighth year Harry feels that Draco is up to something again. Ducking when he sees Harry, having his meals taken to his room, and even the leaving the pitch when he comes out. Harry can’t believe Draco decides to be up to something again. However, during their confrontation he’s surprised to know that Draco isn’t up to something. He’s avoiding Harry because Harry is his mate and he doesn’t want to mate with someone who hates him. Harry goes to set things right…
Shine, Even in the Darkness by raitala (41k) Harry hasn’t seen Draco for over fifteen years, but now he’s showing up everywhere and Harry is sort of weirdly attracted to him, but that can’t be right?
Not Less of Love by literaryspell (36k) The war changed everyone. Harry comes back to eighth year knowing exactly what he wants, and unfortunately for him, so does Draco. Is it just Harry’s imagination, or is his worst enemy harboring a secret? Harry finds out about Draco’s new side and definitely doesn’t want to help. But it’s not really up to him.
Angels and Devils by beren (52k) Harry defeated Voldemort: his act of heroism is famous throughout the wizarding world. He’s trying to finish his final year at Hogwarts in peace, but something peculiar is happening to him, something he never would have expected. It’s all rather embarrassing and making his life very complicated.
Sex, Happiness, Shiny Teeth and Other Things Worth Fighting For by Essie (12k) “Let me get this straight,” Harry peered at Dawlish over the top of Malfoy’s case file “Malfoy’s brewed a potion that, erm, bottles Veela characteristics, and has without proper testing, research or Ministry approval ingested it?” Harry paused, waiting for Dawlish to nod before continuing, “Now you want me to guard him from the sexual advances of hormonally crazed bystanders, while he works on making an antidote?” “Excellent, Potter. You were paying attention. That’s the second time this week.”
Veela Romance and the Literary Marketplace: A Case Study by fulselden (7k)
A series of bestselling Veela romance novels have been taking the wizarding world by storm. Harry Potter himself is a (secret) fan. But when the author of the series receives a death threat, Auror Potter discovers that he’s a lot more than that. Not Only Fine Feathers by fantasyfruitbat (8k)
The War went on for eight long years. Now, in the aftermath, a caged, mistreated, and completely inhuman Veela has been discovered. Harry is the only person it will tolerate… You can guess the rest, can’t you?
The Living Half by maab_connor (26k)
Six years ago, Draco Malfoy nearly died. To save his own life he fled to America. And now, Agent Malfoy of the DHS has Harry Potter sprung on him for a partner.
Animal Attraction by Tari_Sue (19k) A hex gone wrong turns Draco from one of the world’s most despised wizards into the Ministry’s most desirable Veela. Now all he has to do is learn to control Veela Allure gone haywire, try to find a cure and avoid Harry Potter.
Mate by LadyVader (15k) Obligatory Veela fic: Draco’s a Veela and does NOT want Harry for his Mate - well TOUGH.
The Garland Gay by Vaysh (35k) Draco Malfoy has it all – – sex, money, power. But a family secret threatens to become the undoing of the successful head of Malfoy Bank. His troubles bring him to private investigator Harry Potter, who lost it all – girlfriend, Galleons, Auror career – – over a tenacious obsession with a certain blond. Both become entangled in the vengeful schemes of a stranger from the past. As much as Draco tries to resist, in the end, he must make a fateful choice for the man he is destined to love.
Keeping a Secret by snugglemint (5k)
Funny how in the absence of his room mate, he begins finding mysterious feathers in unusual places. It might also be funny that he seems to be hoarding them.
At this point, Husband is pretty well-versed in many things 1D. He’s watched most of the music videos and some other miscellaneous videos, and he can recognize and name most of them. So I decided to ask his opinion on what animal each of the boys would be, and his thoughts were hysterical.
“Harry Styles would be maybe a lemur, something
with a crazy look in its eyes, like a bush baby. Or maybe a raccoon. He just
always looks shifty and alert. Like he could skitter off at a moments notice”
mention that I think he would be a peacock) “Harry Styles would not be a peacock. Peacocks are graceful and
coordinated. Harry Styles is not graceful. Nothing about him is graceful. He is
a train wreck. I don’t care how fancy he dresses. Harry Styles is a lemur.”
“Other Guy would be
some sort of a primate. Like a chimp or a baboon or something like that. But
not in an insulting way. He just seems monkeylike. Inquisitive, confused by
simple things, but he’s resourceful. That’s why I think he’s some sort of ape.
would be…I’m thinking a kangaroo. It just seems right. He seems nurturing. Like
he wants to put people in his pouch.”
“Trump Toupee would be like an ant or something. Because who cares about ants.
Maybe a fire ant, because they’re annoying and tiny and angry.”
“Zayn would be a Dodo bird because he is extinct.”
“I changed my mind. Harry
Styles is a goat. I feel like he gets into places where he shouldn’t be, he
eats things he shouldn’t be eating, he headbutts people randomly, he’s a bit
weird-tempered, he probably gets stuck on top of things and bleats for help.”
fashion sense doesn’t really match a goat in this scenario, but that’s okay.
You could dress a goat in weird clothing. The goat probably wouldn’t like it
very much though. So yeah the weird fashion sense matches a goat too I think.”
“Can you imagine
Harry as a goat, with hooves, trying to button his shirt but he can’t because
he’s got hooves, so he’s all covered in scratches, saying ‘oh damn, I just ruined another
Once again, Husband provides incredible insight into the boys of One Direction. He also told me which items of produce each of the boys would be. So I’ll post that soon.
y’know, we as a fandom really just assume that harry has no life outside of kingsman which i am ALL for because it is perfect for the codependence trope BUT i feel like we aren’t utilizing it completely
imagine a harry hart who isn’t used to having a friend and has no idea how to show that he cares at all (merlin doesn’t count, they’re work friends who have too much professional background to be really close). so here comes eggsy, who’s affectionate and teasing and pushy even before he becomes an agent, and harry spends awhile peacock-ing and preening to impress him but finally finds himself loosening and genuinely smiling and enjoying eggsy’s company at his own house (His own house that no other kingsman knows exists, may he add) until one day he realizes, “oh god i actually LIKE this brat wtf do i do now”
and so eggsy is bitching during dinner at harry’s about dean being a prick over the divorce and it’s stressing michelle out which is stressing eggsy out, so harry’s lizard brain goes: “eggsy’s sad. i’m a powerful man with a lot of influence. i can make him un-sad.”