So I’m chatting w @dramione-vincet-semper and we’re talking about young Lucius bringing a peacock to Hogwarts instead of an owl and getting in trouble and that sparked me to think of this:

Now I’m picturing in Lucius’ study amongst all the dark arts and ancient spell books he has a single book called “How To Care for Your Peacock” and then hidden even farther back in the recesses of his study is a book that just consists of pretty pictures of different peacocks. It calms him down.

Husband Reacts to 1D: The Boys as Animals

At this point, Husband is pretty well-versed in many things 1D. He’s watched most of the music videos and some other miscellaneous videos, and he can recognize and name most of them. So I decided to ask his opinion on what animal each of the boys would be, and his thoughts were hysterical.


“Harry Styles would be maybe a lemur, something with a crazy look in its eyes, like a bush baby. Or maybe a raccoon. He just always looks shifty and alert. Like he could skitter off at a moments notice” 

(I mention that I think he would be a peacock) “Harry Styles would not be a peacock. Peacocks are graceful and coordinated. Harry Styles is not graceful. Nothing about him is graceful. He is a train wreck. I don’t care how fancy he dresses. Harry Styles is a lemur.”


“Other Guy would be some sort of a primate. Like a chimp or a baboon or something like that. But not in an insulting way. He just seems monkeylike. Inquisitive, confused by simple things, but he’s resourceful. That’s why I think he’s some sort of ape.


“White Tips would be…I’m thinking a kangaroo. It just seems right. He seems nurturing. Like he wants to put people in his pouch.”


“Trump Toupee would be like an ant or something. Because who cares about ants. Maybe a fire ant, because they’re annoying and tiny and angry.”


“Zayn would be a Dodo bird because he is extinct.”

Harry (again…)

“I changed my mind. Harry Styles is a goat. I feel like he gets into places where he shouldn’t be, he eats things he shouldn’t be eating, he headbutts people randomly, he’s a bit weird-tempered, he probably gets stuck on top of things and bleats for help.”

“His weird fashion sense doesn’t really match a goat in this scenario, but that’s okay. You could dress a goat in weird clothing. The goat probably wouldn’t like it very much though. So yeah the weird fashion sense matches a goat too I think.”

“Can you imagine Harry as a goat, with hooves, trying to button his shirt but he can’t because he’s got hooves, so he’s all covered in scratches, saying ‘oh damn, I just ruined another dress shirt!’”

Once again, Husband provides incredible insight into the boys of One Direction. He also told me which items of produce each of the boys would be. So I’ll post that soon.

See all my other Husband Reacts posts here.

Funny outfits and even funnier stories in new 70s-set sitcom The Kennedys

07:30, 26 Sep 2015 By Sara Wallis

No, nothing to do with the US political dynasty, this is a comedy about family and friends living in the decade that style forgot

Nostaligia: The Kennedys is set in the 70s

Break out the cheese and pineapple hedgehogs and brace yourself for flared trousers and big hair, this family comedy takes us right back to the 1970s.

Loosely based on Emma Kennedy’s memoir The Tent, The Bucket and Me, this sitcom is about her childhood growing up on an ordinary British council estate.

Emma (Lucy Hutchinson) is a 10-year-old Star Wars-obsessed tomboy, happily tagging along with her mum and dad, Brenda and Tony Kennedy, played by IT Crowd’s Katherine Parkinson and House of Fools’ Dan Skinner.

Scatty: Katherine Parisnon as Brenda

Katherine’s real-life husband Harry Peacock - who some viewers will know as Matt Berry’s arch-enemy Ray Purchase in the award-winning sitcom Toast of London - also stars alongside Emma Pierson as their best mates, couple Tim and Jenny.

“Filming was so much fun,” says Katherine. “I really fancy my onscreen husband which helps… and of course, my actual husband as well.

“I’m ashamed to say that I actually like Harry’s look in this, although double denim is so wrong!

Married life: Katherine and real-life husband Harry Peacock

“We’ve got two young children so often we are just dealing with nappies and exchanging information about them. So it’s been really nice working together.”

Katherine reveals she was nervous about the role. “I was looking forward to meeting Emma’s mum but sadly she passed away before that could happen. But I do feel I know her through the writing. I wanted to have her big hair actually, but I was told mine would never do that.”

In the opening episode, Brenda wants to host a dinner party “because that’s what they’re doing in Cosmopolitan”. The only problem is Brenda has never cooked, except for the time she tried to boil an egg – in a kettle.

So she asks Tony to make a lasagne to impress their friends. “Where am I going to find pasta not in a tin?” he moans.

Meanwhile, Emma and Tony accidentally catch Tim “making love soup” with another woman, while Jenny is at home crying that she’s pregnant.

“When a woman cries, somewhere in the world a man is in terrible trouble,” says Tony. And that’s even before the dinner party from hell gets under way…

 Who’s Who in The Kennedys?

Emma (Lucy Huntchinson)

10 years old with a curious nature and huge problems, such as Julie, the playground bully.

Brenda (Katherine Parkinson)

New age mum to Emma – she doesn’t cook or clean and fancies herself a bit of a feminist.

Tony (Dan Skinner)

Emma’s dad, most often seen in the kitchen cooking or doing the dishes. Fantastic beard.

Jenny (Emma Pierson)

Brenda’s emotional and needy best friend, and also long-suffering girlfriend of Tim.

Tim (Harry Peacock)

Tony’s mate and Jenny’s boyfriend, usually found with a beer in his hand and his shirt off for no reason

Dee & David Palmer (Shola Adewusi and Clive Rowe)

The Kennedys’ unassuming and often confused new neighbours.

The REAL Kennedys

Actress, presenter and ex-MasterChef champ Emma, 48, on how it was thrilling and “slightly weird” to see her childhood on TV

“This was a brilliant time to be a child,” she remembers. “You’d have your breakfast, you’d go out the door and you wouldn’t come back until dark. No one cared where you’d gone.

"My abiding memory – mentioned in my book The Tent, The Bucket And Me – is of disastrous holidays. My dad never, ever gave up trying to have a nice time and there was a real sense of adventure.

“My mother very sadly died three weeks before we filmed the pilot. In her final weeks I sat with her and read her the scripts, because the show is really all about her.

"At one point she stopped me and said, ‘You’ll have to change that name, your father still sees them in Sainsburys!’”

The Kennedys, Friday, 9.30pm, BBC1


Yes, this is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a while, Clem Fandang– I mean, Dr. Jekyll. :-D



Toast and Ray Fucking Purchase are head to head (cough) in a voiceover session for European gay porn.  I swear I don’t know how they kept a straight face for this.  I would love to see the outtakes from this scene.