When someone finds out you love one direction then asks how you’re dealing with “the break up” and you know they aren’t worth the whole tortured explanation and your belief system re: The Hiatus™ but you can’t figure out what to say other than “fuck off, becky”:
Harry James Potter never got to crawl into his parents’ bed to be cuddled and comforted after a nightmare.
So, naturally, he was a little confused when his own children began to seek comfort from him and Ginny in the night, but she seemed comfortable enough with blankets and lullabies and sweet words that Harry never asked if it was out of the ordinary or not.
Harry Potter and His Complete Lack of Shower Etiquette.
Harry tossed his uniform over the back of the sofa as he flicked open the top few buttons of his shirt and entered the kitchen to get himself a long drink of water. He was hungry; Draco had already ordered Chinese. The take-out containers sat on the table, neatly arranged in the centre under a Stasis, with two plates, forks and the paper-wrapped chopsticks laid out ready.
But it was a sudden craving for something cold and sweet that hit him and after pointlessly digging around in the freezer for a few seconds, he gave up and went looking for his boyfriend. He could hear the shower running now, as he walked further into the flat and the muffled humming that seemed strangely magnified as it echoed off the wet tiles.
The bathroom door was ajar and Harry elbowed his way in. Draco was a long, blurred form in the tub behind the curtain, his hands in his hair as he lathered. He hummed the chorus of the song for a fifth time - he was pants at memorising the rest of the lyrics.
Snorting softly, Harry curled his fingers around a fistful of the damp curtain and pushed it aside with a careless, “Hey, are we out of–”
But his question was drowned out at Draco’s vague humming morphed into a severely high-pitched shriek as he turned around to face Harry, both hands flying down between his legs to cover his bits. Sweet smelling suds of shampoo ran down the sides of his face and his hair was sticking up in wet bunches. The shower was still running, pouring onto his shoulder and back, the steam rising around him like a cloud. His eyes were huge and round with shock and his mouth was open in a scream that went on and on.
He was frankly completely adorable.
“Stop screaming.” Harry rolled his eyes. “For fuck’s sake, Draco, it’s just me. Are we out of ice cream? I saw a tub in there last week–”
“GET OUT!” Draco shrieked, lifting one hand to violently point a soapy finger towards the door, spattering Harry with streaks of apple scented water. “YOU ILL-MANNERED WRETCH! GET OUT!”
“Oh my god, I fucked you in here only this morning!” Harry reminded him incredulously. “I’ve seen you naked literally every single fucking day for over three yea–”
“HARRY, I WILL STAB YOU IN THE FUCKING EYE!” Draco bellowed, eyes bulging manically, hands curled into fists. “I HATE YOU! GET OUT! GET OUT!–”
“Fine!” Harry was already backing away. “Jesus Christ,” he muttered under his breath as he exited the bathroom, shutting the door firmly behind himself so that the continued screams of have you no sense of propriety whatsoever and how is it that I’ve ended up with a shamelessly indecent, completely uncouth piece of shit like you faded away to muffled screaming coupled with the steady gush of the shower.
Harry was walking back to the Gryffindor tower when he saw it, a corn snake, the thickest part of it was about as round as his thumb and it was only about a foot long. It was pale almost white, an albino, but the pale yellow-orange markings along it’s back had been charmed to a vibrant green.
Harry glanced around for the owner but the hallway was empty, there wasn’t even the sound of retreating footsteps.
He dropped into a crouch next to the snake doggedly slithering along the stones and hissed a quiet greeting, “Hello, little one, are you lost?”
The snake lifted its head, looking as startled as a snake can to be talked to by a human. The snake seemed to think a great while before she answered in a prim tone, “No. I am certain of my way but I am cold. I would warm myself with your heat.”
Harry held out his hand and the little snake slid into it, her small little body was chilled from the stone floor. He stood and leaned back against the wall, cupping the snake in both hands, “Where are you going?” he asked.
The snake flicked her tongue, “You would know my business without even asking my name or offering your own? Are all humans so rude?”
Harry blinked and then grinned, “No, just me probably,” he hissed apologetically, “May I ask what your name is?”
“You may,” the snake said bobbing her head slightly in something like a nod, “Among my own I was known as Little White. My human calls me something like Morning, it is not a name I recognize or could pronounce in the proper tongue.”
“A pleasure to meet you, Little White. I am Harry Potter but you may call me what you like,” Harry said.
Little White raised her head higher, turning her head this way and that to get a better look at him.
“Would you like any help?” Harry asked again now that the introductions were complete.
Little White flicked her tongue out furiously, “It appears I require no more help as it was you I was looking for, Hairy Pot-Maker.”
Harry winced, he really did not like the literal representation of his name in parsel tongue.
“I was headed to your nest,” Little White said, “I thought perhaps I could do something, as hopeless as it is to try and do anything with most of your kind. You are all intolerably stupid. I am pleased to know you can at least manage the true tongue.”
“Thank you?” Harry said, grinning in something between amusement and disbelief at this little snake’s cheek.
Little White regally dipped her head again, “You are most welcome, Hairy Pot-Maker.”
Harry winced again, “I would rather you didn’t call me that. Really, anything else would be better.”
“Then should I call you raven-locked or emerald eye or perhaps hearts-desire?” Little White asked archly.
“What?” Harry blinked in surprise.
Little White shifted in his palms to a spot with more warmth, “My human calls you those things, amongst others in the silence of his den. I do not understand ‘love’ and 'desire’. It makes little sense to me. A snake seeks the company of other snakes only to mate and then they separate. Yet you humans seem drawn to one another often.” she cocked her head slightly, “Perhaps it is your warmth, I can understand that. Human warmth is very desirable, a pair of humans might share warmth together.”
“…So you wanted to help your human?” Harry asked, feeling a little flushed that someone, a Slytherin someone, had a crush on him.
“Yes. He is heart-sick for wanting you yet he will not speak his desire. He believes you would be opposed, to the point of anger or even violence.” Little White said, watching him intently.
“I wouldn’t do that,” Harry hurriedly assure her.
“I believe this of you,” Little White said, thoroughly unimpressed with him, “Despite his wanting of you I find it unlikely that you are worthy. My human is very warm and provides fine mice for me. He calls me beautiful. I would not share his warmth.”
Harry’s brow furrowed, “but weren’t you coming to try and help him?”
“I have changed my mind,” Little White said. “Put me down.”
“I could take you back to him?” Harry offered, mostly out of politeness.
Little White turned her head away, “I would not have him look upon you, ever again.”
Harry felt a little dumbstruck. He was about to kneel and put the little snake when he heard running footsteps and turned to look. Malfoy was running down the hallway, his robes flapping around him, his swept back hair falling down around his face. He had his wand in his hand, doing what appeared to be a point me spell.
Malfoy zeroed in on Harry and his cupped hands immediately and stomped over as if he wasn’t a flustered, faintly flushed mess, “Did you find a snake, a white snake with green markings?”
Harry silently lowered his hands so Malfoy could better see.
“Morgana!” Malfoy cried in relief, he reached out to take her and then pulled back as if he didn’t want to touch Harry.
Before Harry would have interpreted that action in an entirely different way. He felt a little dizzy.
Malfoy held his hand out, “My snake, if you please, Potter.”
Little White was flicking her tongue furiously at Harry, “You do not look at my human like that! I have decided and will not share!”
Harry glanced down at her, feeling a smile on his lips. He looked back up, Malfoy was looking rather cute. He dropped his cupped hands onto Malfoy’s warm palm, letting Little White slip down and wrap around securely around Malfoy’s wrist. Harry curled one hand around Malfoy’s tracing his fingers over the back of Malfoy’s hand. He watched Malfoy’s face flush faintly, a shiver going through his hand, the rest of him seemed to be frozen in place.
Harry said, “I was was thinking-”
Little White lunged out, biting Harry’s thumb.
Harry jerked his hand back, mostly out of shock. The little snake couldn’t really hurt him.
She pulled back, her body still raised high in warning, “I said No!”
“Morgana! Why did you-! Don’t do that!” Malfoy hissed looking a little panicked and telling Harry, “She’s never done that before. You must have just startled her.”
“I’m sure,” Harry said glaring at her. He smiled at Malfoy, “As I was going to say, do you want to go out sometime?”
Malfoy flushed even pinker, “What?”
“On a date,” Harry said, tempted to reach out and touch Malfoy again but deciding against it, “I thought maybe we could share some warmth together.”
Malfoy searched his expression and then hesitantly nodded.
Little White muttered, “I’m going to shit in your shoes.”