I am so happy I got to speak to you for a while. I was so touched to find out that I was your wish. You brought a huge smile to my face. I wish that we had got to meet at the concert in Philly as it would have been a pleasure to spend some time with you. You are a joy to talk to and I am a huge admirer of your bravery and attitude during a time that must be so incredibly difficult.
I’ve lost count in how many letters I’ve wrote to you and the amount of times I was too shy to put them out. I was about to give up these emotions I still have for you, but then I saw your blank posts. I knew you were coming back and thank God you did. I need you more than ever to make me forget and feel something again. My love I’m glad to see you again.
Okay Behind The Album was so amazing!!! Getting to see Harry so comfortable and being his weird, dorky, creative self just…. warmed my heart?? Like seeing how happy and relaxed he was with his band and with Mitch and his producer? Getting to hear him talking (as slowly as he wanted to with no interruptions) about what he wanted the album to be?? Seeing him giggle like an angel and swear like a sailor and be so unguarded?? The performances? KIWI??? Those pants?? Stripping naked with joy the first time he heard Mitch play? The look of pure shock and admiration for his gospel choir?? “Do you have the lid to the pot? I have to put it back in the kitchen.”???? How adorable??? How endearing?? And talented??? Can one person be??????? Listen, I cried like a baby. Not to be dramatic but I would walk through fire for Harry Styles. This album, this promo, this music, the way he’s done it all with us in mind??? He’s given me everything I hoped for and more.
This is sort of a Part3 to the Cheating Series however it can still be read as a stand alone too. If you want to read them first, you can find them on my blog.
As promised, this has two endings. The four little stars indicate ending Nr. 1, anyone who wanted a different ending can then just keep reading.
Warnings: It indicates some dirty bits.
Gif isn’t mine but I love it so much :D
My mouth had found the skin of his neck as I’d leaned forward, settling my lips against it so I could kiss him there. Harry’s entire body had gone rigid and he’d responded by wrapping his arms around me tighter, making me giggle into his neck. My legs had been locked around his waist and I’d forced him down lower so his crotch was on the same level as mine, leaving us both with an excited feeling in our stomachs. My hands had wound into his lovely hair and I’d enjoyed the softness of his strands. He’d groaned when I’d scraped his scalp.
“You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?” he’d moaned against my jaw.
I’d laughed again and nodded, pressing myself against his chest some more. I had let my lips trail down and to his collarbones, suckling and biting softly. “What can I say? I missed you badly.”
“Was only gone for a few hours, sweetheart,” Harry had hummed lowly and he’d pulled away from me long enough to take of his shirt.
“Still too much,” I’d whined, my arms already open to welcome him back into them, “want you with me all the time.”
I’d grinned proudly when I’d noticed the love bite I’d left on his neck and Harry’s chest had rumbled in a low chuckle. It hadn’t been something I did often, leaving marks on him. But I’d strangely found a liking of it recently. His fingers had then reached up and gently caressed my cheek and the green of his eyes had been full of sparkles and shone warmly. Harry’s cheeks had been a light shade of pink and his breathing had been faster than normally. He’d looked so happy.
“You know I’m yours,” Harry had whispered, looking at me intensively, “S'never gonna change.”
“I’m yours, too,” I’d promised, reaching up my own hand do stroke his jaw, “It couldn’t be any different.”
A hum had left his beautiful lips and he’d leaned in, pressing his now naked chest to mine and coming closer so he could kiss my lips. My heart could have burst of happiness, the feeling of his lips driving me crazy. Harry had felt like home as he’d allowed me to cuddle into him. I had been home. I’d loved the man hovering above me so deeply, especially in moments like this where we could just enjoy each other fully.
That all had happened so long ago, when really I’d believed it wouldn’t ever stop.
“Is he going to be there?”
Kate glanced at me through the mirror as she fixed her hair for the third time, her eyes finding mine from where I sat on her bed. I peered up at her with guilt tugging at my heart, knowing she wouldn’t like me having asked that question. I was to never mention him again, she’d ordered me shortly after I’d broken up with Harry, he wasn’t worth my thoughts. My fingers clenched and unclenched before I quickly brushed the sweat forming in my palms off on my tights, my heart beating wildly in my chest. It had been two months since I’d erased his number from my phone, three months since I’d last said his name and four since I’d seen him as he’d walked out of my life, after I’d told him that I couldn’t forgive him for sleeping with someone else. And still, there was no sign I was even close to moving on or getting over him. The mere thought of the possibility of seeing him tonight had me tingling with fear and a strange sense of excitement.
“I don’t know,” Kate admitted quietly, giving me a gentle smile. “But it’s possible. He gets on well with Joan and David and they’re coming for sure. They might bring him along.”
“Huh,” I hummed and nodded, my brows furrowing.
I wondered what he looked like. I’d seen him in the papers, of course, but he’d been all wrapped up in his hoodie and had worn sunglasses to cover his eyes. Though he’d honestly had had better days, he surely hadn’t seemed like he was miserable. Surely not as miserable as I was without him. A dinner with friends was different though. He’d have to dress up a little and leave those stupid glasses, which were preventing me from seeing those eyes I missed so much, at home.
“Will you be alright?” Kate asks as she hooked in her earrings before turning to me, “If he’s there?”
Her tall and slender figure sat down in front of me and I quickly nodded, meaning it. Or at least, trying to mean it. Kate surprised me with her soft gestures and quiet words, as she sensed my my discomfort.
“We can always cancel, sweetie. No one would blame you as they’re all pissed at him since the truth about your break up came out.”
I whimpered at that, thinking back to the horrible moment when I’d walked past a magazine which’s cover said in big letters: Harry Styles cheating scandal - truth revealed. After Harry and I had declared our break up to the public, there had been many stories flowing around, speculating as to what had happened and often painting me as the villain. In one article it said I wanted him to give up his solo career to be home more, in another one I supposedly hated his fans and wanted Harry to neglect them and in the last one I’d read, Harry had dumped me after finding out I’d spent thousands of his money on cloths and shoes. From there, I was too fed up with those lies and quit paying attention to them. It still hurt to know I was being insulted and talked bad about every day, but I tried to accept it. However, Harry didn’t. Those rumors were put to a quick end once Harry had had his second TV appearance since ending our relationship. The interviewer hadn’t even pushed him on the subject, hadn’t mentioned my name or our relationship, and had only asked if Harry was doing alright. To this my ex-boyfriend had said:
“You know what? No. I’m not.”
And with that he’d told them everything. How he’d cheated on me, how I’d found out and that I was in no way to blame for our break up as it had understandably become too much to bare for me. Harry had stated how he regretted it all and that he wished it were different, but that he respected my decision and wished me the best. He also asked the media and his fans to leave me alone and to not harass me as the bad guy and paint him as the victim anymore. To my great surprise, as well as relief, they followed his request and left me alone. It was now Harry who got the nasty stuff and who was painted to be an asshole. I had to admit that it made me feel bad for him. All the negative publicity he got hurt his image, I knew that.
“No,” I protested, “We promised to go and they’re expecting us. He’s just my ex-boyfriend. I have to get over it eventually.”
Kate shrugged and slipped on her shoes. “I’d understand if you spat at him should he dare coming to dinner.”
I let out a giggle at her words and brushed my fingers through my hair one last time, fixing it a little before I got up to put on my shoes too. I wrapped my scarf around my head and put on the thick coat I’d brought along to Kate’s place, before quietly asking:
“You’re not too harsh to him, are you?”
“To Harry? Well, he does have to take a joke once in a while, but it isn’t too bad I think. They’re all still his friends, except for me.”
Kate pulled at her long hair so it fell perfectly and grinned at me, as if expecting my praise.
“That’s not quite fair,” I said quietly, “he cheated on me and not on you guys. You shouldn’t be punishing him as well.”
“I don’t see how you’re punishing him,” Kate said and motioned for me to follow her out of her bedroom, “as your friends we have taken it upon ourselves to defend your honor.”
I rolled my eyes at that and waited for her to find her keys.
“Also, stop justifying what he did, Y/N. He doesn’t deserve it.”
I didn’t argue, knowing she was right. Harry didn’t deserve my loyalty anymore, and neither did he need it. Though my heart still behaved silly whenever I thought about his beautiful eyes, my tummy turned when it occurred to me that he might as well have found comfort with his lover again. After all, he didn’t have me holding him back anymore and could do as he pleased.
I loved Harry. Him and I had been so connected with each other I’d even believed our hearts beat at the same rhythm. Looking at him had given me such a rush of relief and happiness, just stepping into our house to see him would have cheered my mood up and had instantly set me at ease. How hadn’t it been the same for him? Why had he needed someone other to fill an empty space I’d apparently left uncovered? I wondered if he was subconsciously relieved about us breaking up. Perhaps he just hadn’t had the courage to do it, but was glad he didn’t have to feel bad anymore. I’d given him the chance to devote himself to his lover completely and to be with her officially. Maybe, he loved her already anyway and had simply been too nice to tell me.
“Ready?” Kate asked and looked at me expectantly.
Ready to face the guy who broke your heart?
“Yes.” I quickly followed her out of her apartment and pulled the door shut behind me.
When Harry had kissed me, it was the kind of kiss that had my heart beating fast, my fingers shaking and a rush of dizziness flooding through my body until everything, even my toes, tingled. I wondered if I’d ever find someone who could kiss me like that again.
My knee knocked against the leg of the table and I cursed under my breath before scooting further down the bench to where Kate sat already, chatting with her boyfriend. The atmosphere of the restaurant was relaxing and though I was still buzzing with worry, the presence of my friends began to slowly ease me.
My friend Graham chuckled as he’d seen my clumsy incident and I giggled before motioning him to scoot closer so he, too, sat on the bench beside me. Soon we’d successfully fit six people to sit around the table, leaving enough space for the four chairs, awaiting the guest who had yet to come. I really hoped Harry wouldn’t show up and that those chairs would be occupied by anyone other than him.
“I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages, Y/N,” Graham said after he’d settled down, “How have you been?”
“Quite good,” I replied quickly and was about to ask him what he’d been up to himself, when my eyes landed on a much too familiar figure that had appeared behind Graham in the doorway.
He was so beautiful still. It was silly to be surprised by it, but that’s exactly how I felt, even when I wasn’t supposed to think of him like that anymore. He stole my breath. His soft brown hair was still short, but it stuck into every direction just as if he was trying to grow it out again, making him look all fluffy and disheveled. His strong upper body was dressed in an unusually simple, white shirt and his long legs were clad in tight black jeans. Everything about him was so familiar. My Harry. He looked so much like my Harry, even if he wasn’t that person anymore.
The reason I doubted that I’d ever find someone who could kiss me the way Harry had done, was because I’d seriously had my doubts about every falling in love again. Maybe I’d care for or like someone in the future and find someone who’d make me happy. But to find that toe-curling, all consuming love I felt for Harry again with someone else? It seemed impossible. Partly because I hadn’t let him go yet, even after everything that had happened.
The moment his green eyes found mine they widened and his pink lips parted in surprise. Harry hadn’t expected me to show up, I realized. It almost pleased me a little, knowing that I’d caught him off guard. Just as Kate had predicted, he had his friends Joan and David by his side, a couple I only knew briefly. I didn’t mind them, but I would have appreciated if they’d left their tag-along at home. Sensing my sudden discomfort, Graham turned his head and his entire torso tensed the moment he realized it was in fact Harry who’d showed up. He quickly turned to look at me.
“Will you be alright?”
“Sure,” I muttered and lowered my gaze. I could feel everyone’s attention shifting onto me. They all wanted to see how I’d react to his presence.
I didn’t want to see Harry, I couldn’t bare it. Though I’d told Kate that having dinner with him present would work out alright, I felt sick and as if I was going to cry. Who’s hands had given his hair this look? Had it been the same woman he’d allowed to pull at it or was it somebody new already? My heart was beating so fast I believed I could hear it. The blood rushed through my veins and I prayed it wouldn’t show by flushed cheeks. I didn’t want Harry to know how uncomfortable he made me feel, it’d be like admitting he had won.
“Oh look who it is!”
My head shot up by the sound of Kate’s voice and I frowned upon noticing how she’d fixated her gaze on Harry. A challenging smile pulled at her mouth and I grimaced, knowing she’d jump to his throat if they were alone. Kate was “more” than me in a lot of ways. Prettier, older, more out going and much more self confident. I’d known that when she’d said “Harry has to take a joke once in a while”, it meant she taunted him whenever she got the chance.
“Kate, don’t,” I warned but she ignored me.
“Didn’t think you’d show up,” Kate continued, “you shouldn’t have.”
Harry was about reply when his eyes shot back to mine, nothing but guilt and regret evident in them. His mouth fell shut. I shuddered and lowered my gaze instantly, uncomfortable with him seeking my help. He didn’t deserve it and it angered me how he thought he did.
“Don’t look at her,” Kate growled angrily.
“Kate,” I begged, “leave it. Let us all just have a quiet dinner, okay?” Finally she turned her attention to me before rolling her eyes, then she turned her attention back on her boyfriend Adam.
I dared to focus my gaze back on Harry and was both, relieved as well as sad about him not looking at me anymore. Harry visibly swallowed and his eyes lowered to the floor. I noticed a sudden rosiness on his cheeks as if he were embarrassed and I bit my bottom lip, guilt crawling up my throat. I didn’t want him to be humiliated in front of all the people he considered to be his friends. Though Harry had humiliated me as well, but at least it hadn’t happened in front of people. David by his side clapped Harry on the shoulder and muttered something to him, before pulling out two chairs and motioning Harry to sit. He looked as if he was going to decline, obviously tensed and uncomfortable. But he didn’t and I scooted further back and to Graham, trying to take my mind off of my ex-boyfriend who took a seat opposite to me. I was going to have dinner with the man who still haunted my dreams.
The rest of our group arrived and soon all the seats were taken, giving me a chance to hide in the crowd.
I couldn’t stop myself from peering at him every now and again. A sickening feeling rushed through me when I remembered how there had once been a time where we wouldn’t have ever sat this far apart from each other. We would have insisted on sitting close, holding hands and kissing sometimes, even when we annoyed the others by it. He didn’t look that different from the person he’d been back then and I even shuddered when I felt the familiarity, and at the same time, felt as if I had no idea who he was anymore. I didn’t recognize any of his clothing articles and my mouth went dry when I noticed outlines of a new tattoo peeking out from his neckline.
Graham’s expression turned from a smile to one of concern but I shook my head and motioned for him to let me through so I could rush through the restaurant and to the back of it. I found the bathroom and quickly locked myself inside a cabin, just in time before any of the other girls present could see me cry. Soon sobs wrecked through my body and I shook my head. What had I been thinking? That I would be able to look at him, without it stabbing me in the heart again and again? That I’d somehow forget what had happened?
I loved him. I truly loved Harry with every bit of me and I could hardly bare it.
“In here,” I sniffled, wiping my nose with some toilet paper.
Then I reached for the door and unlocked it, moments later Kate barged in.
“Oh sweetie,” she cooed upon seeing my tears.
Her hands found my cheeks to brush away the drops before she wrapped both arms around me to hug me close. The comforting gesture made me cry some more.
“We’re going home, okay? Adam said he wouldn’t mind driving us.”
I shook my head and brushed away the wetness still slipping from my eyes after untangling myself from her. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not,” Kate spoke calmly, “How could you be? Everyone will understand and know that-”
“That I can’t even be in the same room as him after four months! Kate that’s ridiculous and stupid!”
More tears slipped down my face and I faintly wondered how many times I’d cried in the last few months because of him. I’d lost count long ago.
“They’ll think I’m embarrassing. He should just be some guy to me by now and not have this fucking effect whenever he’s only as much as mentioned to me!”
“Who cares what they might think?”
Kate’s gentle eyes looked at me with such kindness it shut me up. Gone was any trace of the anger her face had held earlier and the only thing left was my friend who wanted nothing but to take care of me.
“I understand, Y/N. You loved him. That doesn’t just go away and despite what you think, no one expects you to be over it already.”
“I still do,” I whimpered quietly, “I love him so much my chest could burst.”
Kate nodded and brushed my hair from my forehead. “That’s fine.”
She smiled gently.
“You love him and that’s okay. We’re going to fix you up and then leave. You’re going to get your bag and say goodbye to the rest of the group and then we’re out of here. It has nothing to do with weakness, honey, but maybe you guys just need to stay separated some more.”
How surreal, I thought. Kate was right. Harry and I needed to be separated still. It felt so wrong to even think about it.
Still, I allowed Kate to pull me to a stand and make true to her promise by she drying my cheeks and brushing her fingers through my hair, fixing it as good as she could. Then she grabbed my hand and began to lead me confidently through the restaurant.
“Graham!” she called over the table, “Her bag, please.”
Graham hurried to hand it to Kate and I looked away, too embarrassed by feeling all of their eyes on me once again. My cheeks flushed and I was glad when Kate pulled my arm so I would follow her to the door and outside, escaping the awkwardness.
My body tensed when I heard his oh so familiar deep voice and my feet hurried to catch up with Kate who didn’t slow down.
“Y/N, wait!” he begged and my heart ached, “Please!”
Harry was fast and though he’d hesitated to run after me he managed to catch up quickly. My body went rigid when his warm fingers wrapped around my wrist and I gasped when he pulled me to face him, forcing me and Kate to a stand. His green eyes were wide and he looked pale in the soft light provided by the street lamp. His hair was a mess and I whimpered when I noticed the swell of his eyelids, indicating that he’d cried only recently. So he really had tried to hide something by wearing the sunglasses each day he went out.
“Let me talk to her,” Harry spoke sternly and though the sentence had been directed at Kate, his eyes were only set on me. He locked his gaze with mine with such intensity as if he planned on never looking away again.
“Kate, I can deal with it. Give us a moment, okay?”
She glance at me as if I’d lost my mind, but I had only eyes for him. Harry. His closeness both, freaked me out and made me feel happier than I’d been in a while. My eyes were watering and my stomach fluttered, the entire situation becoming too much. Harry sighed in relief at my words and I saw something sparkle in his eyes. Hope, maybe? Kate let go of my hand and took a few steps back, giving us space but remaining close enough to jump in.
“Where’s Cici?” I asked, crossing my arms and swallowing down the lump in my throat.
Harry’s face fell instantly and all emotion I’d recognized as hope drained from his eyes. I raised my brows at him and bit down on my lip hard, keeping the tears back.
“She told me you haven’t been calling her lately. Said she misses you.”
Harry’s mouth fell open and he shook his head. “No, I- How do you..?”
“Know that? I had a chat with her!”
Anger settled in my veins as I thought back to my rather unpleasant shopping experience only a few months back. I’d noticed someone had been following me once I’d entered Sainsbury’s, but never had I expected it to be her. She’d stopped her cart next to mine and had grinned up at me in a way that still haunted me now, all white teeth and fake. She’d been pretty, beautiful even. With her full lips and hair as red as a flame, she fit much better to Harry’s side than I did and it made sense he’d slept with her when she offered herself to him. Cici had laughed, before she went on to explain that she’d recognized me from seeing me on a picture Harry had kept as his phone lock screen.
“I knew you were pretty but not as much as you are in reality. You’re not very photogenic.”
“How’s Harry?” Cici had went on, “He hasn’t called me in a while and I miss him.”
She’d rolled her eyes and pulled up her perfectly plucked eyebrows, as if she hadn’t understood at all how he could have possibly gotten tired of her.
“Does his absence mean you finally found a way to please him then?”
Cici’s mouth had pulled into such an ugly smile then and she’d tried to lay a hand on my arm, before I had quickly pulled away.
“He likes it when you roll your hips whilst straddling him,” she’d advised me before I’d turned away with disgust.
That’s what I’d felt. Pure and raw disgust for what this woman was.
“She’s lovely,” I continued and tried to push away the memories, focusing back on the man standing before me.
Harry’s face was hard to read, all I could see was how deep in thought he was. I’d caught him off guard completely.
“Y/N,” Harry whispered and reached out as if to caress my face, but then he hesitated and let it fall back to his side.
“She let me be after informing me about how you were the biggest she’d ever had. You fucked her good, apparently. Does that please you, Harry? Knowing that?”
“No.” Harry’s head shook rapidly and his hands brushed away the few tears who slipped from his eyes.
It didn’t feel good to see him cry. It didn’t bring me any sense of victory or triumph over him. All it did was sadden me further. It saddened me, because from wanting to exchange nothing but words of love, we’d gone to this. Inflicting pain on the other as if in a constant battle of who could take more.
“It doesn’t make you happy, that the woman who was worth ruining our relationship over, thinks you were good at fucking her?”
“Stop saying that,” he whispered, “I haven’t seen her in months, Y/N. Not since you…”
“Oh, does it warm my heart to hear you stopped sleeping around with her after I found out about it!”
“You never used to be so cynical,” he observed quietly and I hissed at his words.
“Yeah, well, I suppose I changed too.”
He nodded and lowered his gaze, staring at his feet. His ringed fingers clenched by his side and I watched his tense shoulders slack even more.
“I love you.”
Air left my lungs and my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. I stared at him, unsure if I’d heard him right, though I knew I couldn’t have imagined it. The way he said it… the familiarity of the sound almost mocked me. How dared he being so unfair? He couldn’t say those words to me anymore, not when they didn’t mean anything to him.
He nodded before sniffling noisily. “Yes, I do. I never stopped.”
“If you loved me, truly and with all of your heart, then you wouldn’t have been able to touch her like that, Harry.”
My voice broke and for the first time I wished for Kate to back off even more. Her presence was starting to make me feel uncomfortable as I didn’t like for anyone to see just how far under my skin Harry was.
“I don’t know what possessed me, Y/N,” Harry confessed, “I cannot understand my actions when I look back. They make no sense.”
He was cold. I noticed how his skin was covered in goosebumps and I swallowed down the words shooting to my head, as I wanted to scold him for not wearing something a little warmer. It was almost a habit. I’d taken care of him for too long to now do anything else.
“I can’t be around you,” I whispered, suddenly aware of how he was still holding on to my arm. “You make me feel insane.”
He shook his head, the curls falling into his face. “We can fix this. We don’t have to end our relationship, Y/N.”
He shook his head, the green eyes now swimming in tears. His fingers shook and tightened on my wrist when I tried to pull away.
“Y/N, we can still safe each other, I promise! I’ll do-”
“No, Harry,” I cried and finally managed to pull myself free and taking a step back, “I don’t want your stupid promises that you know you can’t keep!”
Harry stared at me, his cheeks just as wet as my own. I stared back at him and for the first time, it felt like we were connecting again. The bond between us, pulling us together was still there and I had to take in a deep breath so I wouldn’t be dizzy. Bringing together all the courage I could fathom, I reached forward and touched both hands to his shoulders. He visibly relaxed under my touch and his own palms found my hips to settle on. I shrugged him off though once he tried to pull me against him and he instantly let go. His eyes sparkled and it hurt me to know what I had to do next. I’d craved his touch so badly, but selfishly I wished I wouldn’t have to see him from this close when I broke his heart.
“It was too late to safe us the moment you lay down in her arms, Harry,” I whispered.
His face grimaced and he let his head hang. I pulled away and gasped when I heard the faint sound of him whimper.
“I’m sorry,” I promised, my own voice breaking as I cried, “but It has to be this way.”
Harry’s Point of View
She just drove away. Her friend and the boyfriend just took her away from me, no hesitation. Nothing. They took my Y/N away without a second thought, as if it wasn’t like they’d ripped out my heart and left me stranded on the side of the road. You brought this upon yourself, a quiet little voice spoke inside my head, everything that’s happened is because of you. I knew that was true. I’d thrown away the love I’d known would be the only thing I’d ever need for the rest of my life, so easily and without even noticing it. And yet, I still felt like I couldn’t let her go. All of this mess, it had been brought by me, I knew that well enough, but couldn’t that mean I could bring us back?
I’d meant it when I’d said that I wanted to safe our relationship. Y/N’s solution was to just run away, but who was to say that was the only solution there was?
I’d get her back. There was no life to build up when she wasn’t in it. Any other life wasn’t one I wanted to lead. Y/N had called all the shots so far and I couldn’t bare it anymore, not when her every move was to push me away. This couldn’t continue, I decided. She had to give me a chance. I couldn’t go on without having at least explained her just how deep my remorse went, as she had so far always interrupted me. Maybe if I could just remind her of how good we were together, she’d accept and give us another chance. I needed her to like I didn’t need anyone else.
A cab pulled up by my side and I quickly jumped into the backseat. I told the driver Y/N’s address and urged him to drive as fast as he could, promising even to pay extra. When he finally pulled up on the curb of her street I almost jumped out of the vehicle. My feet hurried up the stairs before I hammered against the door with my closed fist. I must have looked like a maniac, still only dressed in a light shirt even though it was fucking freezing and I wondered what her neighbors thought. Once again she had me running after her and knocking on her door.
“Who is it?” my girl’s quiet voice spoke, strained and full of worry.
“I’m not giving you up,” I called, “Not again. Not ever.”
“Oh, for god’s sake, Harry.”
My heart squeezed painfully as I could clearly hear her cry. The door was pulled open and I pushed her aside so I could enter before she had time to refuse me. I wouldn’t ever let her refuse me without giving me chance again. Her rejection was something I’d experienced three times now and I was sure I wouldn’t survive a fourth time. Y/N hadn’t changed her clothing yet and my head felt clouded by how cute and adorable as well as breathtakingly beautiful she looked. Even the tears straining her cheeks couldn’t change that. Before I could think about it properly, I reached forward and took those soft cheeks into my hands.
“M'never gonna let go,” I swore, my eyes looking into her beautiful ones, then I connected my mouth to hers.
She whined, pressed her hands to my chest and I suppressed a gasp when her feet kicked my shin. I responded only by moving, one hand pushed the door shut and with the other I pushed at Y/N’s side, forcing her to stand up agains the wall. My lips still moved against hers and I could have rejoiced when I felt her kissing back, just when I was about to pull away. I craved nothing more in the world than her being close, but I wouldn’t have ever forced myself onto her if she showed so clearly that she didn’t want me to touch her. But she kissed back. Her lovely hands freed themselves off my hold and found their way into my hair, fisting and pulling at the short roots.
“I’m growing it out,” I moaned against her mouth, “Know you liked it better when it was longer.”
Y/N only responded with a hum, equally eager to connect our lips as I was. She didn’t mind when I pressed her harder against the wall so she was trapped between it and my body. We kissed for so long I lost track of time, until she suddenly shook her head, forcing me to disconnect from her and her body began to jerk as she tried to pull away.
“No,” she whined, “let go.”
“Y/N,” I gasped and closed my eyes before obeying and pulling away.
I pushed myself off the wall and took a step back. I watched as she brushed her hand over her lips and my stomach dropped when I noticed how her lovely eyes began suddenly swam in tears.
“What are you doing? Haven’t you tortured me enough already?”
I shook my head. “I’m not trying to torture you, Y/N. Quite the opposite in fact.”
“What are you talking about?” she asked and crossed her arms over her chest.
My hands instantly found her wrists and I held onto them, giving in to the crave of touching her. From the moment I’d met her it had been hard not to reach for her whenever we were close.
“You love me,” I whispered and went on before she could deny it, “I see it in your eyes. I see how your breathing quickens when I’m near and I can feel myself being drawn to you. We’re it for each other Y/N and you fucking know it!”
She stared at me, her lips slightly apart.
“We can’t separate, my love,” I told her and squeezed her hands gently, “you’d kill us both if you force me to go.”
Y/N lowered her gaze and shook her head tiredly, “I can’t, Harry. You don’t understand. I don’t think I could ever trust you again.”
“I don’t expect you to blindly forgive me, Y/N,” I swore, my voice barely above a whisper as I feared I’d scare her away otherwise, “you can doubt me. And question me. Everyday for the rest of my life if that’s what it is. I love you and I’ll fight for you always. I will bare it as I deserve you to second guess my every move.”
“How can you want a life like that?” Y/N argued and weakly pulled at my hands, trying to free herself.
Yet she only did it lightly, as if she wasn’t sure if she really wanted me to let her go.
“Because I have never been as in love with someone as I am with you,” I promised.
Y/N’s lips fell apart and her watery eyes stared into mine. Her rosy cheeks tingled and could almost hear her heartbeat.
“I love you too,” she confessed so quietly I thought I’d missed it.
A smile pulled at my lips. Warmth spread through me and suddenly I felt as calm as I hadn’t in a long time.
It was all the encouragement I needed to lean in and kiss her once more, only this time I pressed my lips to her only gently, waiting to see how she’d react. My heart swelled when she reacted the way I’d hoped she would; Y/N leaned in and kissed me back with such intensity my breathing stopped. Her wonderful smell took over my senses and all of a sudden I was drowned in luck and happiness. She was here and she wasn’t pushing me away.
“I need you to devote yourself to me and only me,” I heard Y/N whisper against my cheek.
Her breathing came out rapidly and she whimpered when I caressed her cheek with the back of my hand.
“It’s only you,” I whispered before kissing her softly, “It will always, only be you. I am so sorry for what I did. But it will never happen again, I swear it.”
Y/N’s gently eyes met mine and my tummy danced when she smiled. I hadn’t seen her smile in much too long. Her hands clutched me close to her, fisting my shoulders and breathing me in by trailing her nose alone my jaw. My head leaned in to rest against hers and I sighed.
“It will be only us from now on.”
That’s it! Hope you all liked this little series. :) Feedback is always welcome. Requests are currently closed as I have some to catch up on.
Also called: A Million Love Letters, Just in Time. Prompt: Saw a little concept that went : “love letters make a comeback.” Decided to make it a thing.
In which love letters seem to be the only way Harry can tell you you’re his world
It had been a hard few months. You didn’t really want to admit it, but it had been a hard few months. His face was everywhere, popping up to remind you of the night when your relationship fell apart. At first you were mad, but then you went numb, and nothing else.
You found comfort in the routine you’d made up, living in it as a repeat cycle, and nothing else. Not letting anyone in, not wanting any other comfort than your words at night, and wanting no other console than writing on your journal endlessly, and writing letters that would never be sent.
Here is an illustrated tracklist to Harry’s debut album. I am proud to be a fan of his and I think his new music is impressive. He could have created generic, rushed songs but instead he made music that was honest to him and in the style he loves.
The last picture is my hand lettering paired with a photo from The Sunday Times Magazine, shot by photographer Mary McCartney.