You were so amazing tonight and seeing you live helped me realize a lot. You are a real person with real feelings and I fucking love you so much. I was in the balcony but I really thought you noticed me, guess not. I hope one day I’ll be the girl backstage or the girl you notice in the crowd… So I’ll be hoping.
Once again, this miniseries is dedicated to @stylesunchained. I love you, B! This time around, the ever-so-lovely @chrissy22787 helped me out, and I thank you - immensely - for that, my dear friend.
Let me know what you think! Happy reading.
Even if Nick did piss him off, Harry couldn’t help but be proud of his best friend whenever he was awarded opportunities. He worked hard, and it was nice to see that hard work pay off in the end. So, when Nick mentioned that you were having a viewing party for his appearance on The Big Fat Quiz of the Year, Harry feared that he wouldn’t be able to celebrate the milestone with him.
“Ask her,” he demanded one afternoon.
Nick laughed, his eyes widening at Harry’s insistence. After little pleading from his friend, Nick sent a text asking you if Harry could be his plus one for the dinner party. Once he’d sent it, Harry forced Nick to show him the text for proof, figuring that it was just like him to say he’d asked you when he didn’t, instead showing up to the party with Harry anyway, thinking it was funny to throw both of you for a loop. Nick’s phone dinged minutes later, your name lighting up the screen. Your response of “Sure.” had caused Harry to go into an existential crisis, the wrinkle in his brow deep as he pulled at his lips.
“She doesn’t want me there,” he grunted. “‘m not goin’.”
I am so happy I got to speak to you for a while. I was so touched to find out that I was your wish. You brought a huge smile to my face. I wish that we had got to meet at the concert in Philly as it would have been a pleasure to spend some time with you. You are a joy to talk to and I am a huge admirer of your bravery and attitude during a time that must be so incredibly difficult.
I’ve lost count in how many letters I’ve wrote to you and the amount of times I was too shy to put them out. I was about to give up these emotions I still have for you, but then I saw your blank posts. I knew you were coming back and thank God you did. I need you more than ever to make me forget and feel something again. My love I’m glad to see you again.
Okay Behind The Album was so amazing!!! Getting to see Harry so comfortable and being his weird, dorky, creative self just…. warmed my heart?? Like seeing how happy and relaxed he was with his band and with Mitch and his producer? Getting to hear him talking (as slowly as he wanted to with no interruptions) about what he wanted the album to be?? Seeing him giggle like an angel and swear like a sailor and be so unguarded?? The performances? KIWI??? Those pants?? Stripping naked with joy the first time he heard Mitch play? The look of pure shock and admiration for his gospel choir?? “Do you have the lid to the pot? I have to put it back in the kitchen.”???? How adorable??? How endearing?? And talented??? Can one person be??????? Listen, I cried like a baby. Not to be dramatic but I would walk through fire for Harry Styles. This album, this promo, this music, the way he’s done it all with us in mind??? He’s given me everything I hoped for and more.
This letter isn’t like everyone else’s. You didn’t save me. You didn’t heal me. You never even met me. I wish I could say these thing but I can’t. I never had anything to be saved from. I wasn’t broken or depressed. I was fine. I am fine. But what you did was make me stronger. Better. Happier. You helped me see the good in people and to not judge a book by its cover. You taught me to not listen to the people who tried to break me down. You taught me to always be positive no matter how bad the situation. You helped me be more selfless and put others before myself. You helped me find the person I always wanted to be.
You provide a distraction from the real world. Whenever I feel anxious or overwhelmed I think about you. I think about your voice and your laugh. I replay all your stupid jokes. I think about what it would feel like to have a hug from you. I imagine the way I would feel when I look up into your green eyes for the first time. How my stomach would get butterflies when you stare into mine, even if just for a second. I imagine what it would be like to meet my idol. They say to never meet your idol. I think about if you would live up to my expectations. But then I realize that there is no way you couldn’t. I love you for you. Just a dorky guy who loves music and has the cutest dimples in the world. I’m not hoping to meet the celebrity Harry but the real Harry. The one who loves to laugh. The one who loves to make others smile. Not the womanizer or the bad boy.
After writing this I realized you kind of did save me. Not from death but from myself. I was my worst enemy but you helped me get over that without me realizing it. So thank you, Harry, for being you. I love you more than words could ever explain. Way more than I will ever comprehend. So one day when you’re old and have grandchildren and are reminiscing the days when you were famous just know you still own a piece of my heart. Know that if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be the person I am today. That you have changed my life and many others around the world.