To say it had been a long day didn’t even cut it. It was nearing 3 am and Harry was just getting back to his room. He threw himself down on the ottoman in the middle of the room and sighed. Harry loved his job, he really did. He got to travel from place to place, do what he was passionate about, and see his fans. And if he was being honest he would much rather be busy then bored.
But sometimes it was just too much. Too much flying from place to place. Too many days of continuous work from sun up till way past sun down. He especially hated that work took away time from other important things. Like sleep, and family and friends. Or more importantly it took time away from you.
God did he miss you. It was driving him insane. He missed your soft sweet silvery voice, your radiant eyes that he always got lost in, your soft lips as they pressed on his. He missed the way you clung onto him like a koala when he’d get back home and the way you two slept intertwined at night. God he just missed you. Everything about you and everything that came with you two being together.
Harry honestly couldn’t remember the last time he heard your voice. Between flights, work and timezones interfering, calls were rare. You were his girlfriend for fucks sake and he couldn’t even remember the last time you two had a conversation that was more than small talk. Or that wasn’t over text. With how busy he’d been lately your relationship consisted of lots of missed phone calls, longing for one another and I miss yous.
He knew you were getting tired of it. He could see, well hear, how much it was taking a toll on you. It was present in the last voicemail you left him before you went to bed tonight. He could hear your voice break mid word followed by your silent sobs that you were trying to hide. It broke his heart, completely shattered it, to hear you like that.
And if he was honest he was worried you would eventually decide the pain and missing him wasn’t worth it anymore. That would be it, you’d be gone, and he honestly wouldn’t be able to blame you. He didn’t want that, he couldn’t handle that, thinking of you leaving made it hard to breathe. He laid there trying to calm himself back down, exhaling shaky breaths and wiping at his eyes.
When he finally had calmed himself down, and was near drifting off to sleep an idea sparked in his mind. He jumped up, reached for his phone and dialed a number he knew by heart. “Hey Jeff, I know it’s late but uhm I’ve got nothing really on my schedule for the next few days right? … Perfect! Then can you book me a flight back to London? I’m going to see my girl”
Middle child syndrome is a thing. You knew this because you lived it. You were the middle child. You were always compared to your siblings and when compared to them you were never good enough for your family. No matter what you accomplished, how you lived your life, who you dated, none of it was ever good enough.
This always had you dreading any trip back home to be around your family. This weekend was your brother’s graduation so that meant you had to go back home, and be surrounded by your family for 2 almost 3 days and you did not want to go.
Harry walked into the room to find you sitting in front of your suitcase staring at the half folded tshirt in your hand.
“Love, ya alright?” Harry came to stand in front of you, crouched down and took the tshirt out of your hands.
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Sorry I must of zoned out.” You tried to act normal and brush off his concern. You didn’t want to get into it, didn’t want to bring him down with your dread and worrying.
“Hey, c'mere.” Harry pulled on your hand so you would come around to him. He sat down on the floor and pulled you into his lap. You wrapped your arms around his neck and buried your face in the crook of it.
“Love what’s wrong?….You’re dreading the trip back home aren’t ya?” Harry ran his hand up and down your back as he spoke. He tried to pry you away from his neck so he could look you in the eyes, but you wouldn’t budge.
Him correctly guessing what was bothering you was all it took to for tears to start. You began sobbing and crying, clinging onto harry as you did.
“Hey, woah hey. Love, it’s okay. Ssssh, sssh. It’s okay. It’s all gonna be alright.” Harry softly stroked your hair and held you tight as you cried and sobbed. He continued to whisper “you’re alright” and “ssh it’s okay” while he stroked your hair. He waited until you had calmed down for the most part before he pulled your face away from his neck. He took his thumbs and wiped the tears from underneath your eyes and placed a soft kiss on your lips. He knew you were holding things in, that you felt a lot about this particular subject so he just waited for you to speak.
“Why am I never good enough for them Harry? Nothing I ever do is enough. I’ve got a successful career that I love. I have a place to live, I’m not struggling for money. I have a fiancé who is the kindest, most caring man I’ve ever met. But is that good enough for them? No. Nothing I ever do will be good enough” You weren’t sobbing anymore but tears were still running down your face.
Harry sighed as he wiped the tears from your face again. He pushed a strand of hair out of you face and tucked it behind you ear. He reached down and grabbed your hand and intertwined it with his, rubbing small circles with his thumb.
“Ya know, this happens every time you have to go back home. And every time it breaks my heart a little bit more. I sit here and watch you freak out the week or so building up to it, then watch you breakdown and sob the night before you’re to be there. I hate it, and I don’t hate very many things love. I’m a lover, not a hater. And yes I really said that” Harry chuckled and when he saw your lips form a small smile, he smiled, dimples and all.
“That’s ma girl, always laughing at my stupid jokes. She never lets me down, better yet shes never not good enough for me. For some crazy reason love, your family pits you against your siblings and makes you always feel not good enough. But they’re wrong. They really are.” Harry looked you in the eye as he said this. He had to make sure you knew how much he truly meant and believed this. He hated you feeling like this.
“You are good enough love. I believe so, your friends believe so, my family believes so. I mean go back and look at the accomplishments you listed that you’ve achieved. You’re in a successful career that you love, which is hard for many to find. Some may find a successful career but they don’t love it. You provide for yourself, you’re not struggling for money. You got this house and everything else you have by yourself with no help from anyone. Hell ya won’t even let me pay for things half the time or spoil ya!”
You rolled your eyes at him. “Harry you do spoil me, just not with material things. You spoil me with kisses, cuddles, and unfortunately an endless supply of puns…” You heard him whine out a “heeeeeyyy” which made you giggle. “Ooh and you spoil me with lots of baked goods! Oh my god, so many baked goods, think your mom will give me the recipe for them?!”
Harry just chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Mum has nothing to do with those baked goods love, it’s all me. Ya know I used to be…” but he didn’t get the chance to finish that sentence because you cut him off with a hand to his mouth.
“A baker, yes I know. How could I forget with you reminding me all the time?!” You giggled and removed your hand from his mouth but gave him a small peck on the cheek.
He huffed dramatically but smiled a small smile. “Fine fine whatever love. But I bet if you do give mum a ring she’ll agree with me. Actually I know she will, she loves ya more than me I’m pretty sure.” He chuckled.
Hearing how much he loved you and cared for you. How much he thought you were good enough and how much his family felt the same way made you feel so much better. You didn’t always need to have him build you up or comfort you till you felt better, but sometimes it was just a nice reminder to hear it from someone other than your own thoughts. It was that last little push and self confidence that made it all okay.
“You’re right H! I am good enough, I can spend a few days with my family and it will be okay, I’ll have you by my side and it’ll be okay.” You smiled at him and pressed a kiss to his lips.
Harry gave you a small smile back but it was accompanied by pure love in his eyes. He leaned in and put his forehead to yours “I’ll always be here for you love and you’ll always be good enough to me”