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Piers Morgan got burned on ‘Real Time’ then dragged by JK Rowling in real time

  • The burn ward has a new entrant: Piers Morgan.
  • While appearing on Real Time with Bill Maher on Friday, hot mess journalist Piers Morgan tried to defend President Donald Trump’s executive order banning travelers from seven majority-Muslim countries from entering the United States.
  • After Morgan defended the ban by saying there was no ban, Australian comedian Jim Jeffries cut in and said, “Oh, fuck off! It’s a fucking Muslim ban!" 
  • Saturday morning, while Morgan was still in bed applying lotion to his burn, J.K. Rowling tweeted about how satisfying it was to see Morgan on the receiving end of Jeffries’ taunts. Read more. (2/11/17, 11:12 AM)

So at the end of Prisoner of Azkaban, Sirius says to Hermione, “You really are the brightest witch of your age,” with an emphasis on the “are,” implying that someone previously had told him that Hermione was super fucking smart and he was just then affirming it

But like, who told him that? He didn’t really get a chance to talk to Harry or Ron or Lupin between “I didn’t kill your parents” and “oh shit werewolf” and “I’m about to get the dementor’s kiss.”

So I like to think that it was Crookshanks who told him, coz Crookshanks and Padfoot were friends, right? I can imagine Crookshanks just going on and on about Hermione, like “My human is the best human, she’s so smart and lovely and perfect, just wait till you meet her, I love her so much”

- Draco scrubs the skin on his arm viciously every time he showers. The skin is always red and marked by scratches. He tries so hard to get the mark off of him. He wants to feel clean again.
- George can’t look in the mirror anymore. Not without remembering Fred. He smashes all mirrors in their home. He cuts his hair, he dyes it.
- Neville sees Nagini in his dreams. But in his dreams it reaches Ron and Hermione before he does.
- Harry has multiple wands all around his house hidden in places that only he knows. Beneath his pillow, beneath his bed, under the couch. Just in case.
- Hermione’s boggart is no longer failure.
- Draco and Blaise are afraid of fire.
- Someone accidentally calls George “Fred” once. No one knows who starts crying first.
- Headmistress Miverna Mcgonagall is fierce, powerful and kind. All first years are intimidated and amazed, she seems untouchable. However some nights she roams the school hallways and remembers every student she lost, every life that got taken away too soon, every soul that left them too early.
- Harry suddenly can’t stay in very small rooms. He feels trapped, his throat starts convulsing and his eyes sting.
- Hagrid still feels the weight of what he thought was Harry’s corpse in his hands. It haunts him.
- Hermione, Ron and Harry had gotten so used to spending months having one small meal per day that sometimes they forget they’re supposed to eat.
- Harry rolls in his sleep once and hits his forehead against the night stand on accident, when he wakes up with pain on his forehead his heart sinks and his whole body freezes. It isn’t until he sees the bruise that he’s able to calm down. Because Voldemort isn’t back.
- Ron dreams that he’s back in their tent, traveling and hiding, he’s changing the radio stations and he hears Ginny’s names as one of the victims.
- Molly always has “where’s Fred?” on the tip of her tongue, at all times.
- Harry spends the year post-war discovering who he is, what he loves, other than the Boy-who-lived and the Savior-of-the-Wizarding-World. Because there are things he never had time to think about, never had time to experiment, never had time to experience. Sometimes he wonders if coming back had been the right choice, because it hurt so bad on some days that he couldn’t take it.
- When Teddy is sad or scared and he’s crying, Harry tells him stories and shows him pictures of his parents, it’s then and only then that he calms down and his hair goes back to normal.
- Harry pulls back to himself when the date of his death nears every year, his friends do everything in their power to bring him out of it.
- Draco and Harry have talks about the war some nights, both saw what Voldemort was capable of, Harry in his dreams, Draco in his home. Both understand.
- Luna is quirkier and weirder than ever before. She always does everything in her power to lighten up the mood in the room when the silence is bitter and mournful. It’s like she can’t stop shifting and smiling and nervously twitching and saying random facts about things no one has heard of before. Everyone knows it’s her way of coping, of staying positive. So no one minds. It’s comforting.
- Harry gets the sudden desire to travel all over the world. Sometimes Ron and Hermione come with him, others he goes alone, once Neville joins him. Draco does too.
- Draco starts writing, he writes thousands of words on some nights and none on others. He’s good at it, too.
- Harry always, without fail, looks for Sirius’ constellation. He visits his grave too, tells him how things are going in his life, how he’s coping, how he isn’t.
- Hermione getting a tattoo of blooming pastel flowers on top of her “mudblood” scar, because she’s alive, many her friends are alive and she wants to remember that.

And maybe not all is well, maybe they have scars time cannot erase, but they’re together, their hearts are still beating, so it’ll be okay. They’re going to be okay.

Wizarding Tattoo Parlors.

I know it has been talked about before but I want to talk about wizarding tattoos and piercing again. Here’s just a couple ideas.

  • A tongue ring that you wear to ward off minor hexes and jinxes.
  • A Tattoo of a tree where the leaves change depending on the season.
  • A pair of matching tattoos of a piece of parchment that can be wrote on to send messages.
  • You see this dagger I have tattooed on my calf? It comes off into my hand as a real weapon when I’m in danger.
  • A little dragon that flies around your left forearm. 
  • A pin-up witch that winks and waves at you. 
  • A tattoo that starts off as a rune but once you fall asleep and wake up in changes into something that is similar to your patronus, something that symbolizes who you are.
  • A tattoo on somebodies wrist that warms up and changes color when they need to take their medications.
  • Ear piercings that translate everything around you into your native language. 
  • Lip piercing that do the same, except when you speak you speak the language of whoever you’re speaking to.
  • A small bird tattoo behind your ear that chirps and whistles to you when you’re anxious.
  •  A tattoo of your child that ages with them.
  • A tattoo for those that are hard of hearing or deaf and are unable to read lips at that moment that displays the words of the person speaking to them on their hand.
  • A nose ring that is charmed that long as you are wearing it you will never lose your keys.
  • A flower scene where some flowers only will bloom at certain times.
  • little nocturnal animal tattoos like raccoons that only show up on your skin after dark.
  • a tattoo of digital numbers on your wrist that tell the time.

Magical tattoos and piercings!!!

Modern Hogwarts Houses' Stereotypes

Ravenclaw:
-only uses the blue heart emoji
-say they like bitter coffee but is actually a bitch for sweet caramelly cappuccinos
-tell everyone they sucked at a test but gets an A
-Twenty One Pilots
-probably bi
-weed

Hufflepuff:
-watches anime
-owns a small cactus
-messy hair
-Ed Sheeran
-“I’m discovering myself!”
-studyblr
-gets talked into trying weed by their Ravenclaw friend

Gryffindor:
-sports merch
-most likely straight
-tea
-dog person
-forgets to water their plants
-whatever’s on the radio
-“the best things in life aren’t things”

Slytherin:
-what’s “straight”??
-bitter coffee, caramelly pancakes
-tattoo
-owns a journal
-Beyoncé, Arctic Monkeys, Hayley Kiyoko
-black
-aesthetic

if you’re ever feeling down just remember that Arthur Weasley would NOT BE ABLE TO CONTAIN HIMSELF IF HE MET YOU. literally, your phone: how does it work? what does it do? why do you have to tap it? why are you tapping so fast? wHY DOES MY FACE HAVE DOG EARS ON IT?? WHY AREN’T THEY THERE IN REAL LIFE? ONLY ON THE SCREEN? WHAT IS HAPPENING?? MOLLY I NEED ONE OF THESE DEVICES

  • what she says: I'm fine.
  • what she means: Ok, but, like...who owned the Potters’ house after they died? Why didn’t it go to Harry? James and his family were wealthy, and the Potters had been well-established in Godric’s Hollow for a long time, so presumably their modest little house was not bank owned or under mortgage. I feel pretty confident that they owned it outright. And there was a war going on, they knew they were targets...there’s no way they didn’t have a will. Why didn’t their house go to Harry? Did the Ministry just, like...take it? Because they wanted it to be held in stasis as a memorial? That's creepy af. But what gave them the legal right? Is it because baby Harry didn’t pay property taxes for a few years, so the Ministry used that as an excuse to claim it? Who was the executor of the Potters’ will? Why didn’t someone take care of that and ensure the house was held in trust for Harry until he came of age? Was it Dumbledore who screwed this up? I bet it was Dumbledore. It's always Dumbledore... And what about all of their belongings??? Harry might not have wanted the house, but you can be pretty damn certain that he would have wanted some of his parents’ things...James’s old quidditch gear, Lily’s jewelry, family recipes, old photo albums...where the hell did everything go?? Is it...is it all still there....? In the house....? Oh god, that's a terrible creepy thought! Is it all just sitting there, in Ministry-owned suspension, while Hagrid has to beg James and Lily’s old school friends to send pictures because 11 year old Harry doesn’t know what his parents looked like??? What the hell is wrong with Wizarding society, and why did everyone treat literal angel child Harry James Potter this way???!!
Shit Slytherins Say on Valentine's Day : #2
  • Hufflepuff: "Hi, did it hurt?"
  • Slytherin: "What?"
  • Hufflepuff: "When you fell from heaven."
  • Slytherin: "Did you just call me Satan?"