harry feelings made me do this

5

“I was with an amazing group of people making this album. It’s hard going into a room with people you don’t know and being honest. I think it’s hard to do that. I feel very grateful that the people I was with allowed me to do that, and made an environment where I felt like I could say what I wanted to say, and I wouldn’t have made it without them. This is my chance to be like ‘yes it was all me.’ But it was amazing. Jamaica was great for me.” 

HARRY STYLES: BEHIND THE ALBUM - MAY 15

Harry's interview on Quotidien
  • I: Can you hear me?
  • H: Yes
  • I: Welcome to Paris!
  • H: Thank you
  • I: How are you? Can you answer in French?
  • H: Good! A little bit. A tiny bit. Très bien et toi ?(very good and you?)
  • I: Very good, thank you. We start our interviews with “can you give us your five favourites words in English or French. Or a French sentence”. Someone told me you knew a French sentence.
  • H: Comment vous faites un café si délicieux? (How do you make such a delicious coffee?)
  • I: OK, that’s good.
  • H: That’s all I have.
  • I: Do you say it very often?
  • H: No... Yes
  • I: What does France mean to you? Is it something, someone etc...?
  • H: Best people I’ve known... I think her, *shows a fan* I guess. Fabien Barthez.
  • I: Yes, Fabien Barthez. Harry, you’re 23 years old and you’re one of the best known pop-star in the world. Everybody has expectations with your new album and single Sign Of The Times. Why did you choose that song? This is not what people were expecting.
  • H: I think I wanted to.. I've always liked music that made me feel something. You know I think writing it I could feet something I wanted to bring it out. I think it's a good indicator for me of what the album is to me. That's why I wanted to go with that first.
  • I: Billboard wrote that the single was "one of the more ambitious opening statements in pop this decade". Not bad, isn't it?
  • H: Thanks!
  • I: Do you have friends working at Billboard?
  • H: I don't know anyone at Billboard.
  • I: When we listen to the song we think of David Bowie, Queen, who else did you think of?
  • H: I mean, I think everyone, anything, any song you've ever listened to growing up or throughout your life or you've enjoyed, inspired you. There are a lot of different things. I wanted to just write and see what came out. I didn't know what I sounded like to make an album. So this process was as interesting for me as I think it will be for people listening to the album for the first time.
  • I: Do you know French singers other than Serge Gainsbourg? That's a tricky question.
  • H: I know Woodkid. He directed my music video.
  • I: Why him?
  • H: I think his videos are amazing, he's a really talented guy and I love French people so I worked with him.
  • I: When you're in Spain, do you say that you love Spanish people?
  • H: No!
  • I: It seems like everything has been easy...
  • H: Great tie.
  • I: You think so? It's French.
  • H: It's not a Spanish tie, isn't it?
  • I: Can I see your loafer? Oh yes! What is the brand? That's not French, isn't it? It's Italian.
  • H: No.
  • I: That's from the European Union!
  • H: Probably yeah.
  • I: It seems like everything has been easy for you, is it true?
  • H: Was what simple?
  • I: Your life, everybody wants a life like yours, with One Direction...
  • H: I mean, I feel very lucky to be able to make music, I feel very lucky to be able to make this, I feel very lucky today being in France and performing my song. I love this song. I can't complain.
  • I: What were the unpleasant things?
  • H: *thinking*
  • I: I don't know, say only one thing.
  • H: I think when you care so much about something, it's hard to get to the point where you feel like it's finished and it feels like you're adding and it never ends and it adds up. So I think the hardest part was getting into that point and be like "ok that's finished."
  • I: You said to the Rolling Stone magazine that most of the album was inspired by a woman. Really?
  • H: No I think, honestly, the album is much more about me than it is about anyone else. I think if I said the album is about a woman it kind of feels like, I don't know, I put a lot of work into this. I don't feel like it revolves around woman. It's a lot about me and things I've never said before. It's more about me.
  • I: How did you start with a boy band and end with a solo career? Is it complicated?
  • H: It's been a lot of fun. You know we were very lucky to get to do some amazing things and at the moment in our lives, we're in a time where everyone is trying their own thing and have a good time. It's been amazing to see everyone doing their own thing as well. If I can do as well as the others, it'd be amazing.
  • I: Do you call them everyday or text them? Do you use What's app?
  • H: I don't have that.
  • I: Why?
  • H: Yes we talk, absolutely. And everyone is bringing stuff out. It's been a lot going on. It's been a good time.
  • I: This is the album cover! Can you describe it? Why did you choose this picture?
  • H: Yeah. So, I don't know. I worked with photographer Harley Weir, I'm a massive fan of her work. And that's amazing and I was lucky enough to work with her. I felt like this was what I wanted.
  • I: Why is it pink? Why the water? Why your back? Why? It's beautiful but why is it pink?
  • H: I don't know, man!
  • I: Really? You don't know?
  • H: I don't know. I don't think I want...
  • I: Apparently pink is Rock'n'roll's colour.
  • H: Apparently so. I don't know. I think it means something to me and if it means anything to anyone else, I wouldn't want to take away from that by explaining it. I think the cool thing about stuff like photos and art is you can just leave it. You don't have to explain it.
  • I: Everybody sees what they want to see.
  • H: Yes exactly.
  • I: Have you seen this?
  • *video of people reacting to Harry's single*
  • I: Your fans record themselves while listening to the song for the first time. You can hear relevant analysis and apparently they all really liked it. Do you read what people say about you on social media? On Youtube, Twitter, Instagram? Do you use Instagram?
  • H: Yes I use it a little bit.
  • *The public disagrees with Harry*
  • H: Yes I use it a little bit. I mean I wish everyone was having as good time as the girl who was like that with her hands. That's what I do when I listen to the song.
  • I: Are you the one using your Instagram? Do you use your own fingers or someone else does it for you?
  • H: Yes, I do mine.
  • I: Do you still vote in Redditch?
  • H: In?
  • I: Redditch!
  • H: That's where I was born?
  • I: Yes.
  • H: I don't live in Redditch.
  • I: So you don't vote there. Where did you vote?
  • H: London, yeah.
  • I: What do you think of the Brexit? Welcome to Europe!
  • H: Thank you very much, thanks. I mean, I don't really comment on politics. To me, anything that brings people together is better than things that pull people apart. That's ... yeah.
  • I: Yet, you are in favour of equality of rights, men, women, gay people, straight people... That's politics.
  • H: I don't know. It doesn't feel like politics. I think stuff like equality feels much more fundamental. I feel like everyone is equal. That doesn't feel like politics to me.
  • I: Your fans are fetishists. They know all of your tattoos, piece of jewellery, they have heart attacks when you cut your hair. Right now you're playing with their feelings. Do you know that?
  • H: Oh ok.
  • I: Yes! What is your favourite tattoo?
  • H: I think... I have a.. probably. I don't know, actually.
  • I: Which one is the latest?
  • H: The latest is this one there. *shows Arlo* And this one. *shows Jackson*
  • I: Jackson? All of them?
  • H: Yes.
  • I: What's the story behind your haircut? How much did you spend on hair products with One Direction?
  • H: Yeah, like a lot. I used a lot, yeah.
  • I: You're in Dunkirk, Christopher Nolan's new movie.
  • H: Yes.
  • I: How did you do?
  • H: I auditioned.
  • I: Look at you there.
  • H: I am, that's me.
  • I: Yes.
  • H: I auditioned and it was great. It's going to be a really cool movie.
  • I: Harry, it feels like we know you since you're a baby. The whole world discovered you in 2010 on X Factor.
  • *video of Harry's X Factor audition*
  • I: You auditioned alone but Simon Cowell had an idea... he put you in a band with Zayn, Louis, Liam and Niall. You became One Direction. You found the name One Direction and you sold millions of albums. One Direction are soon considered as the new Beattles and you filled the biggest stadiums. The whole world was talking about you. When you go out we prayed for your eardrums. You became UK's pride. David Cameron is in one of your music videos, your sang for the Queen. But in 2015... bang! Zayn left the band, fans couldn't get over it. But don't worry, their favourite is now on the cover of the Rolling Stone magazine, he's in Christopher Nolan's new movie, he's Mick Jagger on SNL... What you don't know is that we've met in 2012. You were in France to promote an album and now I have questions. First one! When you're in a car and fans are all around you, do you see that?
  • *video of fans around a car*
  • H: I think I've actually lost my shoe there. When I got in the car... I got in the car and I was like "how many shoes do I have?" Yes I lost my shoe.
  • I: I have another question! Do you still do that before going on stage?
  • *video of Harry and Lou*
  • I: Can we do it?
  • H: No.
  • *does it anyway*
  • I: What is the weirdest question someone asked you?
  • H: I think it was actually a French interview. I got asked if I would pee in a sink... Yeah.
  • I: Ok, that's weird!
  • H: It was the first question, the first question.
  • I: It puts you in the mood.
  • H: Yeah.
  • I: What is the question you never want to be asked ever again? Did I asked you that question?
  • *Harry asks the public*
  • H: Which one? Oh crush.
  • I: What?
  • H: Crush.
  • I: Oh ok. I didn't ask it! Did you know that a French author wrote a novel about you. It's called "Styles", it's about his obsession with you. It's in French. You can translate it.
  • H: Oh! Is that true?
  • I: Yes it's true. He dedicated to you. It's called "Styles" and it's a really good book. Read it!
  • H: Thank you.
  • I: Thank you very much Harry Styles for coming tonight. His first eponymous album comes out on the 12th May. Thank you Harry Styles.
  • H: Thank you.
  • I: Have a safe journey home.

anonymous asked:

I completely understand why Harry wrote Sweet Creature for his boy. At such a difficult time in their lives. And If I Could Fly, god. Even the sad songs on HS1, I can see myself in Louis in that we don't say much when feeling down, and H probably really just wants his boy to feel loves and confident. They're a team, they love each other. The quote about Harry re. song writers too, I didn't see it as bitter but rather as pride that my boy is doing that, and i hope i can too kinda thing

Even the interviewer said that Louis never said it in bitterness. I honestly think Louis still sees Harry as the curly headed 16 year old he met at XFactor and asked for his autograph. 

Louis always believed Harry was born to be a star, and he supports him fully in that, but I don’t think Louis believes in himself the same way and I think the way Harry writes lyrics about Louis is almost to say, 

“I’ll believe in you enough for the both of us!”

Flowers

Whenever Draco has a bad day, Harry buys him flowers. 

The first time it happens, Draco comes home from work with a scowl on his face. He just got some really bad news and knows the next few weeks will be hell for him. When Harry asks about his day, he doesn’t say anything. He knows, if he opens his mouth now, he will only snap at Harry and he really isn’t in the mood to fight. Not after the day he had. So he sits there, throughout their dinner, saying nothing.

When he gets up to take a shower, he catches Harry gazing at him sadly. Draco knows Harry is only worried about him, but this gets him even more irritated. Because now, on top of his bad mood, he feels guilty for making Harry feel this way.

Taking a shower normally relaxes him, but when he walks into his and Harry’s bedroom, his muscles are still tense and the scowl still won’t leave his face. The crease between his brows deepens even more when he sees something odd on his bedside table. That bouquet of peonies wasn’t there before. When he hears Harry enter the bedroom, Draco doesn’t turn around.

“Do I look like a girl, Potter?” he grumbles through gritted teeth. Why would Harry get him flowers? Harry doesn’t reply. Instead, Draco feels his arms wrap around his waist from behind. When Harry starts nuzzling his hair, Draco sighs and puts one of his hands on Harry’s.

Harry is only trying to cheer him up. And although Draco would never admit it out loud, getting flowers from his boyfriend is… kind of nice.

From this day on, whenever Draco comes home grumpy or moody, Harry will excuse himself quickly and return with a bouquet of sunflowers, or daisies, or hydrangeas… sometimes Draco doesn’t even know the name of the flowers Harry gets him. The only thing he knows is, it warms his heart when Harry is standing in front of him, smiling almost shyly, with a big bouquet in his arms.

So now, Draco isn’t that irritated anymore, when he had a bad day at work. He’s still moody and grumpy, he can’t control that, but he also knows that Harry will buy him flowers. And while they’re beautiful and Draco always admires and appreciates them for as long as they’re on his bedside table, it’s about so much more than just the flowers.

It reminds Draco of how thoughtful Harry is. It’s a sweet little gesture that reassures Draco.

Harry will always be there to cheer him up.

To make him feel loved.


Part 2

Gorillaz songs as told by my father

DARE - ‘OH! IT’S DARE’
19-2000 - 'It’s the Shoe shine song’
Dirty Harry - 'Didn’t this get played at the BRITs a few years back?’
Feels Good Inc -'Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh Duuuhhh Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh Duuunnn’
Meloncholy Hill -’ This is the cutest song I think has ever been created’
Saturnz Barz -'ALL MY LOIFE’
Clint Eastwood - 'Someone edited this with Thomas The Tank Engine didn’t they?’
She’s My Collar -'This is a tad kinky isn’t it?’
Do Ya Thing -'This has the funniest video because you’re literally 2D when you wake up’
El Manana -'The video to this made me hate Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett’
Ghost Train-'I don’t care what he’s saying, but I will join in everytime he sings Ghost Train’

Whipped...friends??

Y/N would have never imagined the amount of attention being Harry’s best friend would bring. There’s also always speculations, suspicions that the two might be more than friends, given the fact that when they go out, it’s like they might as well be joined at the hip. Where Harry is on a day off, Y/N is sure to follow, and the paparazzi gets pictures of it all. But Y/N’s always been just a friend. It’s not like she trails behind him like a puppy, no. Harry just always loves having her around, finds comfort in the way she talks to him without a hint of glorification. Tracing back to the beginning of their friendship, Y/N didn’t tip toe around Harry, trying to make sure to not say the wrong thing, never really made impressing Harry a priority. And Harry really appreciated that.

And the relentless bother and questions of “are you two dating?” doesn’t end with the public, no, it continues, and probably gets more intense coming from their group of friends.

Whenever Y/N steps away from Harry’s side, there’s always one of the boys whispering to him about how they’re sure she’s got him wrapped around her pretty little finger. How at the call of his name, Harry never thinks twice about dropping everything and tending to her wants and needs. They make it sound awful in a way, as if Y/N is always needy of Harry and demanded his attention. But they don’t mean it like that really, just like bothering him about it, specially because he gets all worked up in trying to defend her.

They even comment about how they’ve taken notice to the fact Harry’s smile can stretch for miles at the mention of her name, which Harry has never denied. Only nods his head in amusement at the fact others notice.

And maybe their secret little escapes to what they refer to as “friend dates” are no help. They’ll be having a night in on the sofa, Harry sat at the edge of it, elbow propped on the arm rest, mindlessly scrolling through texts and thumbs swift on the screen, typing replies to friends. And obviously Y/N’s with him, lying down and feet resting on his lap, her head flat on the cushion, eyes shut because she quite enjoys just lying about in a silent room, knowing Harry’s there. And it’s not until he shuffles to stand up, pushing her legs off him in the process, that she opens her eyes and follows his body across the room where he doubles over to slip on his YSL boots before he goes for his coat. With a small whisper of “ye’ comin’?” Y/N is sure to follow his steps. Most nights like that they end up in some random bar or restaurant, sat on a stool or a booth, laughing and eating. Harry will often opt to sit next to her rather than in front, taking the chance to lay his head on her shoulder. Even kiss at her neck sometimes.

And when the boys catch a glimpse of the paparazzi photos taken of them all cuddly on a random Tuesday night at a local cafe, Harry’s phone just about overloads with texts from Niall going on about “I knew it!” And “just ask her, man!”

So no, it’s not out of the ordinary for Louis to make a ‘wuh-PSSSH’ sound followed by something snarky like “so whipped, mate. And she’s not even ye’ girlfriend,” when he notices Harry’s stare trailing to where Y/N goes as she makes breakfast for the lot. Harry tries to disregard the comment as Louis takes a seat next to him at the kitchen island.

“What’re you guys going on about over there?” Y/N asks, giggling to herself, “got Harry blushing and all.”

And of course with no chill what so ever, Liam pats Harry on the back, a devilish smile playing on his lips, “Harry here has found himself head over heels.”

Y/N can’t deny that her heart sinks a little at that, but she doesn’t let it faze her, or at least she doesn’t show it. “Really?? Oh who is she??”

“Yeah, Harry! Tell our lovely Y/N who’s the lucky woman!” Harry would hope Niall would be the one not to indulge in his current tormenting.

But Harry can only look at Y/N, her eyes locked on his from across the room. And Harry swears he’s never seen her look at him the way she is right now.

And the boys don’t mean to over tease him this time, just wish he’d finally let it out and tell her because they’re rather sure Y/N feels the same. It’s hard not to notice the way she looks at him, eyes full of adoration and dare they say, love.

When the air has fallen silent for far too long, Liam decides to change the subject for Harry’s sake and stands up to give Y/N a hand with the pouring of the beverages.

“You two have gotten to the point where you grocery shop together.” Liam starts again when Y/N steps away for more milk, “you cook together. You do laundry together. You’re always going on dates. You go with her for manis and pedis, and I’m sure you enjoy it, too.”

“So wha’?? I like spendin’ time with her.” Harry doesn’t really see why that’s so bad, being whipped and all.

“You sleep together,” Louis chimes in, “hell, wouldn’t be surprised if you showered together.”

Now that’s just nonsense.

“Sod off ye’ prick.”

***

It’s been a few weeks since the day Y/N found out Harry’s interested in someone. And she’d be lying if she said it doesn’t keep her awake at night. Awake while she’s lying next to Harry because of the fact that they’d much rather sleep together than alone. But when she looks over at him, she can’t help but smile.

She’s lying on her side, eyes tracing his, rid of any wrinkles they get when he smiles or frowns. They trace all of him. From his eyes to his eyebrows, then his cheeks and to his nose, where she kisses lightly, careful not to wake him. He only crinkles it for a short second, to which she only smiles. Her eyes linger down his neck, tracing every muscle and crevice until she’s looking at the tattoos on his chest, the steady rise and fall of it has her breathing adapting to his.

It’s when she looks at his parted bubble gum pink lips that she raises a hand, her index finger ghosting over his bottom lip. The touch has Harry stirring, eyes open for a moment before he puckers his lips to peck her finger, a smile on his face. He flutters his eyes shut for a second before resting his hand on her waist and rubbing his thumb gently on the exposed skin. He moans in content, pulls her body closer to his and rests his lips on her hair line.

“Go t'sleep, pet.”

And why oh why did she ever think some friendly flirting and bed sharing with her best friend could never lead to any emotional attachment.

***

The cuddles haven’t stopped. Harry’s lingering kisses and hugs haven’t stopped. The boys teasing on Harry behind Y/N’s back hasn’t stopped. Y/N sleeping in Harry’s bed hasn’t stopped. And Y/N’s constant self reminder that Harry might just be in love with someone else has not stopped.

If she’s being quite honest, she’s not liking the way the boys snicker and whisper to Harry when she walks off. And she really doesn’t like how whatever and whoever they’re whispering about is making Harry blush and smile sheepishly like crazy. Wishes she knew what they’re always being so secretive about. But giving it a second thought, maybe she doesn’t wanna know. It’s all the same to her now though.

The movie on the telly doesn’t seem to distract her anymore, not from her thoughts which are taking over her mind the more time she spends in Harry’s home. And to add to that, the second she steps back into the room with a bowl of popcorn the boys go silent. It makes her feel awful…left out, but she’s sure they don’t mean to do it. She should be thankful right? At least they’re nice enough not to talk about Harry’s girl in front of her, or maybe that’s just something she wants to believe.

“Oh popcorn.” Niall’s first to reach out and grab a handful before she’s even had the chance to get to her seat next to Harry.

“Thanks, love.” Harry whispers, kissing her cheek the second she sits down.

She notices out of the corner of her eye how Louis smirks and nods his head when Harry wraps his arm around her shoulder. What’s so funny??

The moment Harry presses another kiss to the top of her head is the moment she realizes she’s had enough. It’s the moment she realizes she can’t keep pretending and letting herself fall even more. Not after what Liam said.

“I have to go. It’s getting pretty late.” This catches everyone off guard, especially Harry.

When she stands up to leave, his fingers around her wrist are quick to make her stop and have her look down at him, still sat on the sofa. “Wha’ do ye’ mean? Ye’ always spend the night, poppet.”

His brows are furrowed now, grip tight on her wrist, fearing that if he loosens it she might just slip away.

Of course they can’t ignore the other people in the room though, so when Y/N’s eyes avert to the boys, Harry is quick to stand up and lead them away.

“Everythin’ a'right?” His eyes scan hers for answers, his hand now cupping her neck, thumb rubbing soothingly at her jaw.

The cool of his rings on her skin keep her at ease. But the uncertainty in her eyes has Harry feeling all types of useless.

“Tell me wha’s wrong, little one. Wha’ can I do to make ye’ feel better?”

And those words would have made no sense if it wasn’t for the sudden feeling of Harry wiping away a stray tear she didn’t notice she’d shed.

She can’t. She can’t break down. Not in front of him. What can she say for him to let her go??

“Nothing’s wrong, Harry.”

But she’s sure he doesn’t believe her, not one bit. He knows her too well.

And she can tell he’s about to say something else, and she knows if she lets him, she’s sure to fall back into whatever they have.

“I’ve really got to go. I’ve got a date in an hour and I have to go get ready.”

As much bullshit of an excuse as that is, Harry’s grip on her wrist loosens, and the hand on her neck falls.

And she takes the opportunity to slip out the door.



Whipped…friends?? Or.. (Part Two)

Things Draco has definitely said at some point
  • “Harry, if you don’t stop molesting me with your eyes I’m going to throw you out of a second story window”
  • “If one more person mentions my hair I swear to god I’m going to commit first degree murder in front of like a hundred witnesses”
  • “That shirt is atrocious and I am ashamed to even know of its existence”
  • “What the fuck made you think that was okay on any level?”
  • “I hate you all”
  • “No, you plebeian, I do not want one of your germ-infested free samples they’ve probably been on that tray for years anyway”
  • “Oh god it touched me I’m going to have to cut off that foot now”
  • “I’m not a cat and the next person to compare me to one will find out what it feels like to have my entire foot up their ass”
  • “Coffee is god’s second most important gift to mankind, with the first being me, of course. Harry, stop laughing”
  • “I can’t tell if that’s a picture of a barf stain or your dog”
  • “Why would you ever”
  • “This conversation has officially bored me to tears, so I’m going to go do something more entertaining, like watch grass grow. Draco out.”
Active

Word Count - 4250 words
Not proofread

WARNING: Mature content, very smutty.

Based on the request: pls write where y/n and harry have sex a lot and end up getting pregnant but are happy about it.


You woke up with a moan at the back of your throat and strong hands digging into your hips. This was how most mornings were spent; one of you waking the other with your mouth of their body. Your back arched as he sucked on your sex all while two fingers were moving inside you.

His moans vibrated through making the fire in the pit of your stomach burn brighter. Your hands were thrashing around you, gripping the sheets just wasn’t enough. After a deep fuck of his tongue into your throbbing sex, you came, hard, with a yell.

Harry drew it out as long as he could, stopping when you had recovered your breath. You turned you head to the alarm clock of the bedside table seeing the time; 9:07 in the morning. You had plenty of time before you had to be up.

Harry’s face appeared in your vision as he collapsed on the bed next to you, his breath heavy. Your eyes were drawn to the rock-hard bulge in the boxers; your mouth watered at the sight. When you looked back up at his face, his smirk was a combination of smug and confidence.

“Your turn, love.”


“Babe, you want some lunch?” You called to Harry from the kitchen to where he was sprawled across the couch. You were both dressed and ready for the day despite having no plans to leave the house. You had to be in the same room as him to hear his response.

“Think I’m still full from my little snack before breakfast actually, thanks tho’.” With a little knowing smile, he turned to look back at his phone, leaving you with the thoughts of your wakeup call.

Keep reading

The Train - Part Three

Pairing: Y/N and Harry

Word Count: 4500

Prompt: Y/N walks in, and Harry notices she’s wearing yellow again, this time it’s a yellow sweater with a pair of dark skinny jeans and brown ankle boots, her hair is pulled back into a pony tail with a white scrunchie with little smiling suns and he swears that he has to squint to look at her. “Oh! I know you-you’re the guy from the train,” Y/N beams, “Harry, right?” she sets down the tray of muffins.

“I didn’t tell you my name,” Harry snaps.

Y/N pouts, “well yeah, but I’m also not stupid,” she says.

“Are you joining us today Harry?” the man asked, “I’m Seth, I run the group.”

“Why else would I fucking be here,” Harry grumbled.

Y/N grabs a muffin, ignoring Harry’s sour attitude, “here, they’re made with love,” she smiled, holding out the blueberry muffin.

“Fuck off,” Harry says. He watches as her smile fades and the glint in her eyes seems to disappear, for a split second Harry feels like a dick, but then he realizes he doesn’t care and Y/N should just shove the muffin up her ass.

Part one Part Two


Y/N was fifteen when she first realized that what she felt wasn’t normal.

Y/N grew up in a big family, and she was the middle child, so no one really focused in on her. Her parents focused on getting her older siblings into college and the youngest what they needed, forgetting about Y/N. It seemed like she was invisible in her house hold, and she knew it. It had taken her parents a little over two weeks to realize Y/N ran away one summer. Y/N got away with a lot, since no one bothered to ask how she was feeling.

When Y/N turned seventeen she got her first job, and with her money she bought everything in the color yellow. Y/N hated the color yellow, but yellow meant happiness and she had convinced herself that if she wore it enough, looked at it enough, she would be as happy as the sun.

Y/N hated the way she felt, and she wanted no one to ever feel the way she felt. So she tried helping others, baking for them, laughing with them, taking them out, spending time with them, anything she could to make them feel happy. She believed if they were happy, if she could make others happy, she would eventually become happy herself, but it didn’t work that way.

Keep reading

You love me, right?

A/N: Maybe not exactly what you had in mind, but I hope you enjoy. 

“Don’t touch me!” you giggled. But Harry didn’t listen as he continued to reach for you, narrowly avoiding the bicycle kicks you were sending his way.


“Oh, come off it, m’hands aren’t that cold,” he said with an eye roll as he finally got you to settle beneath him. His hands rested on your sides, and while your flesh was protected from his chilly fingers by the thick fabric of your sweater, you could feel the coldness hovering above.


“They are freezing, Harry.” You looked around best you could with Harry keeping you still, trying to find some way to escape. But you were trapped in the middle of the bed like a raft out to sea with no sight of shore.


“Fine, fine. Won’t touch you.” His shoulders slumped in dejection, bottom lip protruding pathetically. You looked for signs of movement; you’d been in this relationship long enough to know Harry never gave up without a fight. “But yeh know, love, cold hands mean ‘ve got a warm heart.”


Your eyebrows raised, mouth in a hard line. “That is the biggest load—”


The words hardly left your mouth before Harry’s hands infiltrated your warm sweater. He roamed the expanse of your warm body, squeezing and tickling all the spots that made you squeal. Maybe it wasn’t his cold hands, but the sound of your laugh echoing throughout his bedroom did make Harry swell with warmth.


“Harry…Harry, please,” you pleaded through heavy breaths, tears leaking from the corners of your eyes. “My tummy hurts…think you’ve given me a cramp.”

Keep reading

emhahee-deactivated20170506  asked:

drarry hc: Weird habits Or dancers AU Or the one where Harry loves watching Draco do the dishes Or or or Ahhhans

Draco didn’t need to turn around to know that he was being watched. The only thing he just couldn’t figure out was why.

At first Draco was sure he was imagining things, but in the weeks since they’d first moved into a flat together his suspicions had been wholly confirmed.

Harry liked to watch him do the dishes.

Draco couldn’t understand why Harry was constantly staring at him when he did them. At first he’d been defensive, snapping at him that first night that he could certainly do some things without magic and how Harry didn’t need to stare. Only instead of getting angry Harry had looked embaressed before mumbling something unintelligible and leaving the room.

A few days later he’d caught him staring and tried to make a joke of it, “Got a kink that involves yellow dish gloves and a sink of dirty dishes, Potter?”

Harry had just blinked a few times, before closing his eyes and disapperating with a loud pop so sudden Draco had dropped his favorite teacup.

Which is why, despite the fact that he can feel Harry’s eyes on him once again as he cleans up the remnants of the steak and kidney pie they’d had he doesn’t make any funny jokes or snide remarks. Instead he stays silent despite the curiosity burning a hole in his brain.

It’s a few weeks before the subject is broached again.

Draco is puttering around the kitchen, placing the dishes from tea in the sink when Harry comes up behind him, wrapping his arms around him and squeezing him in a firm hug. There’s something shaky in his voice when he whispers “Do you want to know why I like watching you do the dishes?”

Draco is almost too nervous to speak, so he nods instead. He’s almost afraid Harry hasn’t noticed his nod though because he doesn’t speak at first, but then Draco quite suddenly he feels Harry press the side of his face against Draco’s shoulder inhaling deeply before he starts to speak.

“I never thought I’d have this…someone to share things with like this. Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon were always so angry. She used to slam the dishes into the sink like she resented having to cook or clean for us, or she made me do them. I used to think that was just what family was like. Then I met the Weasley’s and I remember the first time I saw Mrs. Weasley doing dishes without magic…she told me she didn’t mind because it meant she had a family to take care of. You….you look like that when you do them; as if it’s not a chore. It makes me feel,” and at this Draco can feel Harry’s hands begin to shake. “It sounds stupid I know but….seeing you so happy even doing our dishes makes me think you’re happy with me. That we’re gonna make it. That…you won’t ever leave.”

Draco swallows, feeling like his entire world is spinning because they don’t do this….this talking about feelings things often. Both of them have always been better with actions than words. But for once he knows actions won’t be enough.

So Draco turns, placing his hand on Harry’s chin and tilting his head up just a bit so he’s looking him in the eye.

“I’m not leaving, Harry. Not ever. I want this life and I want you.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

2

“I was always welcome at the Potters’.”

-Sirius Black


just done watching the fifth movie today, and felt like I wanted to make something like this again.. I did a redraw of the third movie here, while Sirius was asking for Harry to stay with him (first pict). And I think somehow it can be related to the fifth movie where Sirius told Harry that he was at James’ when he ran away from his house. besides the fact that Sirius was Harry’s godfather, I think he wanted to stay with Harry because he didn’t want Harry to feel any worse than what he’d ever felt before. he just wanted to welcome Harry just like James and the Potters welcome him. to feel a real home, to feel a real family. and that second pict, I made it shows Sirius went home with James.

and oh, thank you for not posting this without permission. please do tell me or credit me when you’re going to post it somewhere.

I saw someone share my artworks without telling me, and it’s a no good:(

Love can be a miracle, darling

Pairings: Harry x reader in the beginning, Draco x reader in the end

Word count: 2281

Requested: Hey, can you write a Harry Potter x Reader where they have been dating for a while but the reader caught Harry cheating on her with Cho and they have a huge fight. After that, she keeps crying and Draco tries to cheer her up and they kiss. Pleaseeeee <3 by @partyiinthedungeons

A/N: I hope you like it and sorry for posting it so late. I did my best to finish it today because of my full schedule. Sorry for the mistakes because i am sure there are and let me now what you think ♥ 

Originally posted by crystelgreene

Being Harry Potter’s girlfriend had it advantages and disadvantages. The good part was the loyal friends you got by your side and the bad…well the bad are the slytherins always trying to offend you somehow. Well, they were mostly hostage toward Harry not me but the fact I was ready to kill everybody who had said something bad about him was enough for a way the others to mockery him.

But besides the bad attitude we got in fifth year, I was more than happy to be with him. Half of the school thought he was a liar, a boy wanting an attention and I were just a chick using him to become famous and so on. However, Harry never paid so much attention to those words but I did. I tried not to but it was hurting to hear such lies. Harry was so nice to stay hours after curfew to calm me down, to say he loved me and that’s all that mattered. He even said that if I wanted we would break up so he could see my smile again. I, of course, punched him slightly always exclaiming that he was much more important than some stupid students.  

We were going to Hogsmeade on dates, drinking butterbeers, shopping at Zonko’s, we basically tried everything there for such a short period. I did my best to stay focused when helping him with his homework but usually ended making out on the sofa in the common room. That led to an angry Hermione who didn’t skip an opportunity to remind us we were falling behind with it. But let’s come to the present where the interesting part is.

Today was just an ordinary Saturday. We had finally finished another rough week. Early in the morning I woke up and after dressing up, I headed towards the library. There was an hour till breakfast so I decided to spend it while searching information for Snape’s essay.

“Hey (Y/N)! Why are you awake so early?”, Hermione’s voice ranged through the empty library.

“I just want to get something done. I don’t want to fall and spending time with Harry isn’t helping me.”, smiling I sat down next to her.

“You managed to find the truth! Only for that I will lend you my notes, but don’t tell the boys.”, we both laughed and after promising I would not each one of us continued her work.

“If we don’t hurry we will miss the breakfast. Come on.”, I packed my things and with my friend we exited the room going straight to the Great Hall.

There weren’t a lot of people but our boys were already on the Gryffindor table. Harry was reading something while Ron was eating…a lot, as usual. A smirked appeared on my face as I went to my boyfriend as quiet as I could. He was facing me with his back so I used this opportunity to cover his eyes, well specifically his glasses. The boy jumped due to being surprised. His hands left the newspaper and touched mine trying to identify the person messing with him.

“(Y/n)!”, my boyfriend exclaimed seconds later and turned around to face me. There was a smile on his face which caused me to smile, too. I sat down next to him placing a kiss on his cheek.

“Don’t tell me you are still reading those lies.”, I took the newspaper from his hands but Hermione did the same to me, making the research instead of us.

“Well, you were late, so we had to take it.”

“You two are disgusting.”, Ron noted as he continued to eat.

“You will be too when you find a girl, oh my pardon, if you find a girl.”, Hermione retorted as she closed the paper and put it in her back.

We all laughed while Ron gave Granger a dead look.

“What are we doing tonight?”, although it seemed as an ordinary question, it wasn’t. Since some weeks, we were training spells in out secret group, or so called D.A.

“We have a studying session at 8 pm. as always (Y/n), how can you forget about it?”

“Oh, sorry Harry but when I see you I forget everything.”, we usually played this game of being so in love only to make no suspicions but we did enjoyed it, it always amused us.

After we finished our lunch we went to the lake. The weather was fantastic and neither one of us wanted to spend the whole day locked in the castle. We sat down next to a tree trying to stay in its shadow and began doing our homework. I can’t say we desired to do it but there was a trip to Hogsmeade tomorrow and I didn’t want to miss it because of stupid two meters long essays. Harry and Ron were complaining instead of working, Hermione used her energy to quarrel with Ron while I and Harry laughed at their ‘family problems’. The time was passing by and soon dinner came. After we were done, we agreed to go to the Required room separated so Umbridge won’t be able to catch us.

“What are you going to teach me today, Mr. Potter?”, I teased my boyfriend as we were heading towards our wanted direction.

“Someone is eager for knowledge? You should spend less time with Hermione.”

“Oh, shut up!”, I punched him slightly and laughed, “You are just jealous that I’m coping with school, while you might be failing.”

“That huts. That’s it! You made me cry, what kind of a girlfriend are you?”

“Come here and let me kiss you, you’ll feel better.”, leaning closer we shared a kiss that would had definitely turned out in a heated one if it wasn’t somebody’s cough to make us separate.

“Hey there lovebirds! You can continue that later, we have a work now.”, Fred Weasley smirked and entered the Required room. We followed his actions.

This time Harry showed us some others spells. I was with Neville who surprisingly was doing much better than me. I was doing well to be honest, practicing with Ginny, Ron, Harry, but maybe like 30 minutes later I didn’t fail to notice something. Cho Chang, a ravenclaw girl Harry used to like in his fourth year, was now watching my boyfriend carefully, trying to get his attention. That made me mad and that’s why I got hit my Neville’s spell that paralyzed me for a moment.

“I hit her, I did it!”, Neville screamed at top of his lungs happily, “Sorry (Y/n).” He then came closer and helped me stand.

“No problems. I am happy you did it, Neville.”, he was so happy that I couldn’t tell him I wasn’t paying enough attention to block the spell.

No matter what I did afterwards was, to put it mildly, horrible. I tried to practice but my eyes were glancing and Cho and Harry. I knew he was helping her but I didn’t like she was doing poor just for his attention. Harry was observing everybody and when he saw my actions he came closer and gave Neville time for a rest.

“What’s going on? Are you okay?”, I could read the care in his eyes and it made me feel a little better. Besides everything Harry was with me, not with her.

“I’m fine now.”

“If you wanted to train with me you could have just asked.”

Till the end of the lesson I was actually getting more and more capable of using the new spells. Deep inside me I felt pleasure to show Cho I was better that her. When the ‘class’ was over we were heading out by three. I wanted to stay and help Harry to clean but he refused, telling I’d better go and rest. I listened to him and left the room with Hermione and a tall Hufflepuff boy. We were already on the stairs when I realized I had forgotten my barrette.

“Wait for me, I’ll be back in a minute.”, after notifying Hermione I ran upstairs.

The door was slightly open. Cursing the stupid people who left it that way I entered the room but stopped where I was. My eyes widen when I saw Harry and Cho kissing in front of me. She had put one of her hands on his face, while Harry had placed his hands on her both sides. My eyes were filled with tears by now.

“How could you?”, was the only thing my mouth let out. I felt a strange feeling in my throat, not letting me to breathe or talk anymore. Harry and Cho jumped away from each other, both looking at me as a deer looking at the headlights coming towards her.

“(Y/n), I-”

“Don’t!”

I exited the room and ran in some direction not caring where I was going. Suddenly I felt somebody grabbing my hand and spinning me around. It was Harry with his messy hair and sad face.

“Stop.”, he said softly.

“Let me go, please. Let me go!”, I managed to find my voice again and screamed at him.

“It’s not what it seems.”

“Oh, really? Because it seems you still love Cho and was messing with me the whole time!”, he didn’t know what to say, he did try but nothing came out, “Have you ever loved me, Harry? Have you?”

“Of course I have, I still do.”

“Do not lie to me! Do not!”, licking his lips, the boy was about to talk but I interrupted him, “I cannot believe you used me like this.”

“I-I didn’t, I-”

“Are you sure because stuttering like this now shows me I am right.”, I bit my lips trying to prevent the others tears to roll down my face, “Look at me, look at my eyes and say you did not use me to forget Cho or to fucking make her jealous! Look at me for god’s sake and say it!”

But the boy was still looking at his feet ashamed.

“I loved you, Harry. Everything I have ever said was true. I showed you my feelings, I gave you my heart…and for what? To be your little toy!? To be the girl you would go to if Cho didn’t like you back?! To be the second option?! Fuck you Harry!”, I screamed at his face, spun around on my heels and attempted to get away from him.

“No, (Y/n), wait!”

“Don’t you dare touch me again or call me, Potter. Don’t you dare!”, this time my voice was low, almost calmly but I felt how he trembled from it. I didn’t mean to threaten him but his presence was no longer wanted around me.  

After minutes of walking I ended in the Astronomy tower. I sat down and let myself cry out all the pain inside me. How could he do this to me? I believed him when everybody thought he was a liar, I was beside him every time he was bullied…and what did I get? A knife in the back! As I was sobbing a voice spoke beside me.

“I see there are troubles in heaven, huh?”

“What do you want Draco? I am not in the mood for your stupid jokes”, but as soon as I turned to face him, his expression changed. With some steps he came next to me and kneeled down.

“Hey, hey. I’m sorry, I didn’t think it was that serious.”, he spoke with a soft and caring voice, something I’d never thought I would hear from him.

“Don’t act as you care.”

“I do care if you haven’t noticed, darling.”

Looking at him, especially at his eyes, some moments ran through my mind. He had always been good to me, never saying bad about me, helping me in Potions, not gloating when I fail… For the first time I felt I could tell him what happened, what I was feeling and he would care about it. All those small details were showing something deeper and complicated to be explained.

“I-Ha-Harry cheated on m-me.”, saying those words out made me sob again. Draco wrapped his hand around me, getting me closer for a hug.

“Hey, look at me.”, with his forefinger he lifted my chin up so now I was facing him, “He doesn’t deserve your tears.” He remover some of them, “He doesn’t deserve your love. You have to stand up, smile and show him what he has missed. Show him you are happier without him. You are the one who deserves better – somebody who would do anything for you, and by anything I really mean anything. You are so kind, funny, just amazing. I cannot explain it but each time I see you, my mood changes. I become more gleeful just because of hearing your voice, laugh or seeing the spark of joy in your eyes. You deserve somebody that can make you feel the same way you make me feel… ”

Without thinking I leaned closer and connected our lips. The kiss was salty due to my tears but was enough to make me feel butterflies in my stomach. I didn’t feel it only with my body; I felt it with my soul. It warmed me up, made me feel loved. That kiss wasn’t like the kisses I’d shared with Harry. It was kind of passionate but showing things that could hardly be explained even from the hand of a skillful poet. It was something not to read about but to feel it.

“I’ve never thought you could be showing such emotions.”

“Love makes miracles with everybody, darling.”, he smiled and leaned for another kiss.  

May the Best Kiss Win

An 8th year Drarry ficlet by OhSoDraco

AO3 Link: May the Best Kiss Win

Things were winding down in the 8th year common room and Harry was feeling rather drunk and well snogged after playing alcohol fuelled Spin the Bottle and Truth or Dare for the last few hours. Almost all the 8th Years had happily agreed to play the muggle party games that Hermione had suggested and Harry felt like he’d snogged at least half of them. Now it was after midnight and most of the students had retired to their dorms, leaving only a few stragglers lying or sitting around the common room, enjoying the buzz from the Firewhisky Seamus had provided and the warmth from the crackling fire.

Harry leaned back on his elbows from his slouched position on the floor and thought back to the two kisses of the night he’d enjoyed the most. Seamus had been the first to really get into it with Harry. He had felt a hot tongue push into his mouth almost as soon as their lips had touched and then Seamus put his hand on Harry’s arse and squeezed firmly while continuing the passionate assault with his lips and tongue. Harry had been left pink cheeked and slightly out of breath after that kiss and Seamus had looked rather pleased with himself as he sat back down in his place.

Keep reading

  • Draco: I've gotta say something, because I don't think I've made it clear. I'm in love with you. Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do, the way you think, the way you move... I get excited every time I'm about to see you. You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life; like a man.
  • Harry:
  • Draco: I just thought you might like to know.
  • Harry: *rips off his clothes*
In Sickness - A Drarry Ficlet

493 words, G rated - EWE - Post-Hogwarts - Established Relationship

Summary: Healers make the worst patients.

In Sickness (Or read on AO3 or FFnet)

“I’m dying.”

Draco looked at the shaking lump under the blankets.

“Touch dramatic, don’t you think?”

“Make it stop.”

Draco sighed, and sat on the edge of the bed. “You just have to ride it out, Harry.”

“Dying.”

Shaking his head, Draco placed his hand on top of the shivering lump, and gave it a pat.

“Do you want another blanket?” he asked, not really knowing what else to offer. He was no good with sick people. That was Harry’s job.

“Get under with me.”

Draco shuddered. He’d tried that, and almost passed out from the heat. Instead, he clambered onto the bed, and lay next to the shivering lump of blankets. It shifted, and Harry peeked over the edge of the sheets. His teeth were chattering.

Draco sighed, and brushed the back of his hand against Harry’s forehead. Still burning.

“Maybe you should go to­—”

“I’m fine!”

Draco raised an eyebrow. “Really? I could have sworn you were dying.”

“Fuck off.”

“Language, Potter,” Draco said with a smirk.

Harry made a pathetic groaning sound, and turned to face away from him, pulling the sheets back over his head. He was still shaking.

Draco cast about. He’d had enough water, he’d managed to eat something. Draco didn’t know what else to do. Harry was the Healer, not him. He felt completely useless.

Shuffling closer, he lay behind him, and put his arm over the shivering mass. He could feel the heat through the blanket, and shuddered.

“Just ride it out,” he repeated. The shivering would stop soon enough.

“If you tell me that one more time, I’ll infect you. I swear.”

Draco snorted. He’d heard Healers made bad patients, but this was ridiculous.

“If you want me to leave, I will.”

Harry was silent, and Draco smirked. “That’s what I thought.”

“In sickness and in health, wanker!” Harry snapped. “You leave, I’m divorcing you.”

Draco rolled his eyes.

“You are so bloody dramatic when you’re sick,” he muttered. “Why does everyone think I’m the dramatic one?”

“Just make it stop!” Harry moaned.

Draco sighed, and held the overheated, shivering mass tighter. “I would if I could, love. You know that.”

Harry whined.

“Do you want another fever potion?” Draco asked, wincing as he felt himself start to sweat.

“I’ve had the limit today,” Harry said, his voice muffled from the blankets, and shaking.

“Harry, go to—”

“I know how to treat a bloody fever! I’m the bloody Healer! Just shut up and hold me!”

Rolling his eyes, Draco pulled the sheets down a bit, and pressed his hand to Harry’s forehead. Not as hot as he’d been that morning, but still burning.

“I’ve got you,” he murmured.

Harry made a mumbling sound. He was still shaking, and Draco closed his eyes. He hated seeing him when he was sick, and not just because he was an irritating, overly dramatic git.

“I’m here,” he said softly.

“I’m dying.”

“Oh, for the love of Merlin!”

Surprise!

Based on this prompt.


Harry couldn’t help but snicker at the outraged expression on Draco’s face.

“What in the name of Merlin is going on?” he grumbled as he wiped off the confetti of his shoulder.

“Well,” Harry began, trying hard not to laugh out loud. That would only make Draco angrier. “It seems we walked right into a Muggle parade.”

Draco huffed, grabbing the hem of his shirt to shake off more confetti. Harry’s eyes immediately fell to his exposed stomach, making him gulp. The urge to touch Draco was getting stronger every day now.

Keep reading

We need to talk about something.

And that something is the way Harry would behave when you get home from the gym.

You get back, absolutely exhausted from a hard workout, your gym clothes cool and damp with sweat, sticking to your skin. And Harry’s in the kitchen cooking some “protein” noodles or maybe they’re zoodles or squoodles, and for whatever reason he’s only got a pair of tight joggers on, his chest completely exposed to the boiling pot.

“Don’t burn yourself,” you sigh, remembering the last time he cooked nearly naked and little grease spatter burns were across his belly for at least a week. You kick off your shoes, bending to remove the sweat-soaked socks from your feet. A sharp hiss escapes you as you feel the burn in your thighs.

“S’the matter?” he asks, turning the stove top off and removing the pot before crossing over to you.

“My thighs burn,” you mutter, slowly easing yourself up. Harry’s closer now, arms outstretched with his hands running over your shoulders. His fingers twist around a bit of damp hair before he pulls them back, brushing them lightly beneath his nose. “Are you trying to smell my sweat?”

“Yeah,” he grins unabashedly, taking a fist full of your wet hair and inhaling deeply. He growls in pleasure, before placing a kiss on your neck. “What do they call it? Natural musk?”

“I do not have a musk, Harry!”

You stomp away from him, but the ache in your thighs keeps you from achieving the desired dramatics.

“Yeh do, love, and it’s sexy,” he says, easily closing the distance between you once more as he slithers his arms around your waist and rests his head atop yours, swaying you gently.

“Well, I think I’m smelly and would like to take a shower.”

“Can I help yeh with that, love?”

Turning in his arms, you give him a hard look. “No,” you answer firmly, “because to you helping is fucking and I’m just too exhausted for that right now.”

Keep reading

1. I should’ve bought more flowers for you, now I buy flowers even if today isn’t Valentine’s Day or a day with a specific meaning, in a way, every petal is imbued with an apology and every time someone leans in to smell it they can feel the parts of me that you’ve forgiven far long before I could

2. I didn’t start to feel better until I started to take better care of myself, a constant whisper of you saying “i was just worried about you”

3. You can’t let someone be your only source of happiness because once they’re gone, you’re all alone again and there’s nothing worse than starting all the way back over with yourself: square one of a broken heart multiplied by the intensity of she’s not coming back, let her go

4. Music will never betray me

5. Poetry is thinking that you’ve got it figured out and a metaphor is just your way of saying I don’t

6. Art rules the world and I am a masterpiece in progress; how can I love myself like how you did if I can’t see that little bit?

7. Lust isn’t conducive for growth, it’s like an addict trying to get his fix– some day, he’s going to break and not even the drug can help him

8. I buy myself nice things, but I can’t fill this emptiness inside of my heart– I guess some nights, I just miss being next to you

9. I still can’t get used to sleeping alone

10. Sometimes I wish I would’ve picked up your phone calls during the first few months, I broke my promise and you know something? I regret it

11. I threw away our love letters and memories two months ago, I cried the whole time– yeah, still a fool for you, but baby, we’ve changed so much, I’m happy with my unhappy

12. You once told me to go on many adventures without you, did you account for my depression? You know, I don’t blame you for any of this. In reality it was always an us thing, a too young thing, a stupid, mad love thing– as always, I still love you, I just don’t know what love is anymore

13. They were right, soulmates touch you and they change you forever– the moment a colorful paint filled brush hits the water and the figments of colors flow into the cup, you left my soul with so many seasons, I’m still raking up the leaves from last fall

14. The last time I saw you we shouldn’t have had sex, I think that night really broke you– I think that night really broke me too

15. I should’ve laid my head onto your chest and counted your heartbeats more often, I’m sorry

16. Sometimes when I talk to people and tell them random facts that you’ve filled my head up, I swear I can hear your voice echo in the back of my head– “baby, check this out, you’re gonna love it”

17. I always do

18. I still remember your favorite Harry Potter line

19. After all of this time? …Always.

20. I smoke cigarettes to think about how to think less, the fucking irony

21. I take painkillers and my excuse is that my right hand still hurts, in truth, I’m just another addict that believes if I take another maybe my heart might just start to sound like it belongs to me

22. I didn’t cut myself because I wanted to die, I cut myself open because I wanted to feel how often I made your heart break, each scar on my shoulders is a time when I’ve made you cry

23. And each night that I can’t sleep, I stay up wishing that you’re doing okay

24. I don’t pray often, but when I do, I always prayed for your mom, although she hated me, I’m so glad that she put you on this earth to allow us to meet– I have changed so much since I’ve met you

25. The crazy part? You still change me everyday

26. You know the renaissance era? Falling in love with you was like that

27. My favorite photo of us were those two kids eating a banana split at the New Orleans mall, I miss those two innocent kids, oh, how we’ve changed

28. We are destined to have this eternal flame kind of distance– the brighter I burn, the more you’ll read, the only thing that keeps me writing some days is knowing that somewhere, somehow you’re always reading, no matter who you’re with or if you’re laughing or crying or smiling

29. My number one fan was always you first

30. I’ve made so many bad decisions, you were never one of them

31. I’ve written so many bad poems, you were in every single one

32. I’ve written some pretty great ones too tho…!
You were also in those

33. I miss cleaning your eyes for you

34. I have met some amazing people because of what happened to us

35. I can’t get you by Fallbrooke the acoustic version is no longer on the internet, the funny part? The very last day that it was on the web, I downloaded it right before they removed it. It’s still my favorite song of all time, our song

36. Hold your tears by Clazziquai too

37. Sometimes when I get off from work, I sit in the car and cry, some tears don’t have meaning, they just need to come out

38. I claim to write poetry, but I feel like they’re just love letters sent to no one in particular

39. It’s not that I’m not over you, I’m just trying to get used to not needed you

40. It’s not that it hurts to the point where I can’t breathe, I’m just trying to light my own path to self-love and healing

41. The fact that your favorite color is orange, it makes the fruit taste some type of way

42. Sometimes I want to call you, but I don’t

42. Sometimes I want to text you and I do

43. Sometimes I want you to answer, I’m glad you don’t

43. Sometimes I just want to say fuck it all and call, I’m glad that I don’t

44. You stopped writing when we first met, in some way, the girl that waits by the shore has left a million pens near my desk and to this day– I wait by the shore too, just in case inspiration hits, right?

45. Our little codes of love finally decoded enough for me to not be blinded by you

46. We were both messed up people, I think we knew that about each other and maybe that’s why I always know when you’re not feeling okay

47. I still don’t have love figured out, but damn I’ll open every fucking door in my heart even if I have to go down the sewer to find every key

48. Someone says that she’s falling for me, I’m legit afraid to hurt people now– like it’s a real fear, I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore

49. I should’ve given you the stars, but instead I left your heart scattered across the universe

50. It’s been almost two year and I’m still writing about you, but at least it’s less often, right?

51. You’ve always been kinda self-centered, I think you enjoy it when I write about you. Like if I write about you in some way, maybe I’m still yours

52. We were just too damn young to realize how destructive passion, love, romance, stagnation, betrayal and pain is when mixed together

53. Sometimes I go to the places that we used to go just to create new memories without you

54. Sometimes it works

55. Most of the time, it just flicks me off

56. My brain is constantly telling me that I’m a fuck up and the more I try to get it right, the more I keep getting it wrong

57. I am trying to master the art of letting go

58. And this list is a step towards better things

59. And this life is going to be alright

60. Without you, I am still me

61. Without you, I can still breathe

62. Without you, I am still alive

63. Without you, I am still poetry

64. I can barely remember your face, I guess being around a lot of different people at work helps out plenty

65. This world is filled with pain, I hope you look back and smile about us some day

66. Maybe when you’re old and grey– you’ll remember those two young kids who slow danced in the dark

67. If we were made from the same star, I want to return home some day

68. I want to shine bright enough for the two of us

69. You’re still my best friend even if we no longer talk

70. You’ll always be my best friend

71. I still care about you

72. A whole fucking lot

73. The world is full of mysteries, I’m glad that we’re in the known, I’m glad that we’ve met

74. I hope you never regret me, you wanna know why? I could never, ever, ever, ever regret you

75. I don’t know how to open up to people anymore and I’m not sure if it’s my fault or yours– maybe this one time, it’s our fault… are you like this too?

76. I’ve been told that I’m too hard on myself, I firmly believe that one of the reason as to why we split was because I wasn’t hard enough on myself– I got too fucking comfortable with your promises and I took you for granted

77. Life waits for no one

78. I let an ex of mine break my red and black ring– she said that if I was over you, I’d let her break. I let her break it, but jokes on me, it didn’t change a thing about how I still feel about you

79. I keep writing and writing and writing because one of these days– it’ll stop being about you

80. Sometimes it works, but deep down, I know in some way, you’ll always find a way to sneak back out

81. I can’t get you out of my head sometimes

82. It’s even harder because you’re still inside of my heart

83. I saw this cool picture on Tumblr with someone cutting a piece of herself off that resembled two lovers splitting up, that shit looked like it hurt

84. Love hurts because even eating cotton candy ice cream really fast will give you a brain freeze

85. You didn’t like my rat tail idea, I grew one out just to fuck with you. Jokes on me, I love it now.

86. You never really supported the idea of me being anything, tbh, it’s not your fault. None of it is. I should’ve been my own motivation. I guess by supporting you through nursing school, I wanted to hear you say that I could do it even when I was at my lowest point.

87. I realized a few thing about loving you.

88. When you hit rock bottom, few will be loyal enough to stick it out with you

89. Money rules the world, since I’m not wealthy in any way– one day when I am, I can laugh a little about all of this

90. I think you loved our memories more than you loved me, in truth, I did too

91. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to get close to people

92. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to let you go

93. Maybe that’s why you still read

94. We had something raw and experimental, young and dumb, mistakes on top of mistakes

95. It was a perfect compass to point us to our future selves

96. I know a great many things now– although I am depressed, with or without you

97. I am great, I am strong

98. I am my own happy before anyone else’s

99. I can love myself enough to let you go

100. I had to hurt you to really, really grow–
I think to this day, that’s the thing that hurts me the most. That I had to hurt my best friend in this whole wide world, to make you crumble, to make you cry, to make you hate me– I had to do all of that in order to love myself. And it’s sad because here I am, still trying to figure it all out.



With or without you, I will be a better person.
—  100 things I figured out when we broke up