Eggsy was definitely not to blame. After all, Harry knew how competitive Eggsy was, he should have tried to stop him. Okay, he should have tried harder. Eggsy was never one to pass up a challenge.
Even if it was a challenge he thought of himself. That nobody has actually challenged him to do. So maybe it was just a test he brought upon himself.
But, he excelled at tests! So long as they involved jumping or shooting or finding two-way mirrors in a room that was filling up with water quickly.
Eggsy still wondered what the others would have done if he didn’t smash the mirror. Would they still be sitting there, sucking the air out of the toilets? Sucking air out of toilets. Eggsy laughed. These posh kids were actually ridiculous.
He wondered if Merlin had watched them through the mirror before, like a creepy stalker. But, Eggsy guessed, he probably didn’t need the mirror, he had definitely some sort of surveillance or CCTV. Which, now that he thought about it, was even creepier.
By the way, how did they get all the water out of the room so quickly? How did they get it in? Is there an indoor pool somewhere? Because Eggsy could think of a million scenarios in which Harry just happens to walk in on him, swimming, in the nuuude. Or, maybe, like four scenarios. But, in his defence, they were great scenarios, you could make a movie out of them! Or, like, porn. But where’s the difference, really? As long as he gets his naked pool scene with Harry, there’s none. Other than one ending in a montage of their future relationship and the other between sheets.
Oh, while we’re on it, who replaced their mattresses and sheets after the test? Do they have a sheet-person? ‘Hey bro, what you doing for a living?’ ‘Ah, man, I’m a fucking Kingsman (sheet changer)!’ which, Eggsy is sure, sounds only cool in their own ears. Probably because nobody knew of Kingsman unless you were part of Kingsman. And then “sheet changer” just really didn’t sound that cool. Huh. Poor person. Or probably not. Kingsman has pots of money. And expensive pots everywhere. And pots of expensive pots of expensive alcohol everywhere.
Which, actually, brings them to their current predicament.
It was entirely Harry’s fault. Clearly.
“So, are there like, stages?”
“You know, like, cherry popping in Fitting Room 1, sex against different surfaces in Fitting Room 2 and the kinky stuff in 3?”
“Eggsy.” Harry pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head; Eggsy always wondered what that did for him. Like, why do you have to hold your nose to shake your head? It’s not like it will just fall off.
“Harooooold.” He mimicked like a petulant child, grabbing the bridge of his nose and shaking his head. Harry sighed.
“It’s not Harold.”
“It’s not Haraford either, Eggsy.”
“Harriet?” Eggsy laughed and Harry just rolled his eyes. He picked up his tumbler unthinkingly, watching in horror as Eggsy poured himself another glass.
“Eggsy, I honestly want to suggest that you stop now.” He insisted.
Eggsy was never good at doing what he’s told. He downed the Booker’s at once.
“So, Harrison.” He folded his hands on top of the table, staring at Harry who muttered a helpless “It’s not Harrison either.” under his breath.
Eggsy stared at him. Or, at least at one of the three Harrys in front of him. Hmm. Maybe Fitting Room 4 is for foursomes? It would be a fitting room, for sure. Or, more like, for four! He was absolutely hilarious. Why didn’t he become a fucking comedian?
Oh, right. He was too funny for crowds; his hilarity was limited to one person at a time. Or that’s what Harry told him earlier, anyway. Eggsy thought he might be right - nobody laughed as hard over his genius jokes as he did mentally. Not out loud, though, because that would make him a psychopath. Speaking of, he kind of wanted a Big Mac. Or a milkshake. With a cherry on top.
“Harvey.” He began again, swaying forward slightly. “I want to pick you up on that suggestion.”
“What suggestion now, Eggsy?”
“About you, popping my cherry in Fitting Room 1.”
“… Alright, Eggsy.”
“Yes, alright, that’s it, you’re done with the challenge. You passed the test.” Harry put the bottle and their glasses away, while Eggsy followed him with his eyes.
“So you’re not going to pop my cherry in FR 1?”
“Nobody is popping anyone’s cherries anywhere. There will be no popping of any kind while you’re drunk.”
“Not even - whoo, whoo - popping champaaaagne?” Eggsy raised his hand in a motion, as if he was raising the ceiling.
“Especially not that. Now come on, let’s get you into bed.”
“Huh. You sending some mixed signals here. I always thought you’d be more subtle about it. I guess your urges must be running wild now that you’re faced with this level of temptation.” Eggsy motioned down his body and Harry was glad that he had started to record this challenge a few hours ago, because Eggsy’s face tomorrow will be priceless.
“Yes, Eggsy. I honestly cannot wait to get you into bed, now come on.” He dead-panned, reaching out to help him up and he had to actually drag him up the stairs. Eggsy was clinging to him but dragging his feet, staring up at Harry from against his chest.
He was rambling again, but Harry was too concentrated on getting them up the flight of stairs in one piece. Harry wasn’t exactly sober himself and the last thing they needed was to tumble down the stairs and explain various, mysterious bruises that apparently appeared overnight to Merlin. No, there was definitely no need for that.
Eggsy had grabbed a hold of Harry’s tie and started to pull him forward once they had reached the second story. Harry just let it happen; as long as Eggsy was lying in the bed, asleep, after all this, he was fine with it.
He didn’t even mind when Eggsy started to hum and sing “Do you want a piece of me? I’m Mr. ‘Oh my God, that Eggsy’s shameless!’ You want a piece of me!”.
He just rolled his eyes. Which was like, a default setting whenever it came to Eggsy + drinking alcoholic beverages.
Harry led him to the bed and sat him down on top of the sheets, helping him out of his clothes. Eggsy didn’t seem to mind, too preoccupied with watching Harry’s hands and muttering lyrics that probably weren’t even correct.
“I’m Mr. ‘He’s too big, oh he’s too thick’! You want a piece of me!”
Harry was crouching down by then, pulling off Eggsy’s shoes and socks and smirking when he heard Eggsy’s ‘singing’ and Eggsy managed to grab his tie at the first go. He was just holding it in his hand, staring down at Harry, suddenly awake and alert. He pulled at the tie slightly, which prompted Harry to look up, and he barely registered that Eggsy was leaning forward until he felt Eggsy’s lips on the corner of his.
Eggsy leaned back. “Wait, ‘s not right.” He mumbled, brows drawing together over his eyes and Harry couldn’t make a move before Eggsy’s lips crashed down onto his a second time.
The kiss was nothing but the touching of lips at first, Eggsy’s hand wrapped around Harry’s tie, Harry’s fingers on Eggsy’s ankle. But then, Eggsy tilted his head, drawing Harry closer with one hand, the other one sliding around Harry’s shoulder and Harry just couldn’t help himself. He might not have been as tipsy as Eggsy, but his mind had blanked out the second he felt Eggsy’s skin against his, Eggsy’s lips against his, Eggsy’s scent filling his nose, Eggsy’s taste filling his mouth.
He kissed back, lips sliding against Eggsy’s, wrapping around them, sucking on them, one hand tracing circles against Eggsy’s skin, the other grabbing hold of Eggsy’s chin, fingers curling around it tenderly. With his thumb, he gently pressed down on Eggsy’s chin, his lips opening with a quiet sigh. Eggsy tasted of Booker’s and warmth and Harry allowed himself a few more blissful seconds, revelling in the sensation of Eggsy wrapped around him, pressing into him, pulling him, dragging him closer, before he leaned back again, breaking the kiss. Eggsy’s lips followed his when he leaned back, and Harry just stared up at this talented, handsome, tipsy young man in his bed. Harry’s breath was laboured and his heart was pounding and Eggsy’s lips looked ravishing and ravished.
Eggsy was leaning closer again but Harry stopped him, pushing him down on the mattress instead. Eggsy didn’t protest, and Harry gulped, collecting himself and ignoring the way Eggsy was stretched out on top of his sheet, prying Eggsy’s fingers off of his tie before Eggsy wriggled his way up to the headboard.
Harry drew his blanket over Eggsy’s body, and Eggsy snuggled deeper into the sheets of Harry’s bed. By then, he was obviously struggling with keeping his eyes open and Harry’s heart thumped at the sight.
Harry was turning around and making his way to the door, then, satisfied that Eggsy was now safe and not in danger of falling down stairs or falling for him, when Eggsy’s voice stopped him.
Harry stopped, turning around in the door, waiting.
get me a milshake?” Eggsy asked, his lips curled into a sleepy smirk as he turned onto his side, folding his hands under his cheek so he could watch Harry go.
“Go to sleep, Eggsy.” Harry dismissed him, shaking his head and turning off the lights.
“With a cherry on top!” Eggsy called out, but Harry was already making his way downstairs and Eggsy never saw Harry’s fond and infatuated smile before he finally drifted off to sleep.
Eggsy’s face was red as the cherry he just ate when he watched the footage of last night. He had been drunk, had made a fool of himself, had fucked up when he tried to kiss Harry, had suggested that Harry should pop his cherry in Fucking Room 1 and he hadn’t even passed the test and beaten Harry at drinking.
And now he also had a headache.
He sipped at the chocolate milkshake with burning cheeks and a warm feeling in his chest.
It was entirely Harry’s fault. Obviously.
because I love a tipsy Eggsy and I’ll never get over the cherry quote :)