harold how dare you

LOUIS AND HARRY’S ACTUAL INTERNAL DIALOGUE

Louis: God, this is fuckin boring. Where’s Ha-

Harry: I wonder if she wants to hear my knock knock joke.

Louis: Motherfu-

Harry: Imma tell it. Mmm, should I tell it? It’s pretty clever…Imma tell it.

Louis: First of all, Harold - how dare you. Second of all, how. Bloody. DARE you.

Harry: “Knock knock!” 

Interviewer: “Who’s there, Harry?”

Louis: Just, be cool Tommo. Act natural…How fucking old is she? Seriously. Harry’s turning into a right OAPeado. 

Harry: “Hula!”

Louis: He’s not telling that fucking knock knock joke again is he?

Interviewer: “Hula who, Harry?”

Harry: *laughing to himself* …Oh. Oh I suppose she didn’t get that.

Louis: That bitch didn’t get it and Harry can tell. Yeah no one bloody gets that God awful joke, love. I’m literally the only one who laughed and that’s only because you were wetting yourself laughing at it. I was laughing AT YOU HAROLD. This bloody woman can’t even do him the courtesy of laughing at lovely Harold’s beautiful, thought out, albeit ill-conceived, joke. WELL I’LL TELL HER A THING IF SHE’S NOT EVEN GOING TO FOOKIN LAUGH AT *MY* BOYFRIEND’S BRILLIANT JOKE. THAT’S YOUR JOB, LOVE! THAT’S YOUR FOOKIN JOBBBBB. LAUGH AT HARRY’S JOKES!

Harry: She really didn’t get the joke. How come Louis is the only one who ever gets my jokes? Thank God he’s here. I’m done with this woman and her terrible taste in humour. Oh! Great more older women jokes. And THAT she laughs at? What the hell, man? Just RUDE, really. My joke was way funnier. Although I guess on a whole, Lou is funnier than me. What am I even bringing to this relationship?

Louis: Yeah, that’s right, BITCH. OLDER WOMEN. YOU OLD AF. Don’t fuckin laugh at me, Grandma. Oh, great. Now you’ve hurt his feelings. Way to go. Yeah, Haz, just walk away, baby. She doesn’t deserve to hear the sound of your angelic voice making jokes that she’s not worthy of.

Harry: I jus- I just need a moment alone. I wonder if Louis will let me tell him my new jokes on the bus.

Louis: Woman, don’t even try to talk to me after that shit you just pulled. Thanks to you I’m gonna have to sit up listening to the entire bloody library of Harry Styles ‘Knock Knock’ jokes. Zayn’s read ‘em all and apparently I’ve already heard the only two out of TEN FUCKING PAGES OF JOKES that are funny.

(True Story, Hansel.)

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