hardened criminals

Write Me Lovely part 7

Jughead woke up to sunshine and cinnamon. His eyes fluttered open slowly as he stretched his overly long limbs, his feet tangling in the fabric softener scented sheets. It was such a vast difference from the dirty mattress pad and barred walls he was used too, even at home he had never had a real matress, he slept on a pull out couch covered by an old fleece blanket. He could stay like this forever, tucked into this bed replaying memories of last night over and over.

Betty had cooked dinner, the most delicious meal he had had in years, who knew something as simple as pasta could be that mouthwateringly delicious. Then they had fallen together on her couch, an old nineties movie playing on her television, they didn’t talk much, it was comfortable. He knew it was strange, hell it was past the point of strange it was downright bizarre. This beautiful woman, her heart completely golden, and a hardened criminal sleeping in her home, eating her food, staring into her eyes, memorizing her smile. It wasn’t normal, everything she was doing for him, what could he offer her? Trouble. That was all. The part in his brain that told him to run was loud but there was a new voice now, soft and warm as it whispered

A knock on the bedroom door shook him out of his thoughts, the same voice coming from outside of the room.

“I don’t mean to wake you, I heard shifting. if you’re awake you can open the door, if not I’ll just pretend I’m talking to hotdog.”

Jughead couldn’t keep the grin off of his face as he made his way to the door, opening it slowly to find Betty standing in front of him, ruffled white apron around her waist and her hair pulled into a messy bun.

“Good morning” she whispered, dimples peeking through her Cheeks.

Jughead leaned against the door frame, a sleepy smile on his face.

“Good morning” he whispered back.

Betty’s eyes quickly scanned the boy in front of her, taking in his black tshirt and tight fitting sweat pants that had once belonged to Kevin. By the flush of her cheeks Jughead knew she approved of his newfound muscles and well rested being.

“I have to head downstairs, it’s gonna be a busy day. I made cinnamon rolls, they’re in the kitchen. I use cocoa powder so not even a little bit for Hotdog.”

As if the white sheepdog knew he was being talked about he let out a whine that had both Betty and Jughead laughing.

“Sorry buddy, bosses orders.” Jughead brought his eyes back to Bettys. “You don’t have to do all of this, I can find a place, I know I can be a bit much.”

Before he even had a chance to finish his sentence , Betty’s arms were wrapped around his waist.“I like having you here. I want you to stay.”

Jughead felt his heart speed up, those words had been the focal point of his dreams last night, but that is what all of this was wasn’t it? A dream, the most amazing dream he’d ever had. One day he would wake up and it would all be over but for now? He was plenty happy to stay sleeping. Resting his chin on his angels forehead he inhaled the vanilla and honey, his hands squeezing her back.


They stayed like that for a moment before Betty hesitantly pulled away

“Okay. So showers down the hall, I’ll see you later.” She stepped back and dropped a kiss to Hotdogs head before heading down the stairs and leaving Jughead alone.

Hot shower. Jesus Christ it was heaven, the perfectly organized array of scented soaps and shampoos were like something out of a store and once again Jughead found himself thinking of Betty’s vanilla scented hair, bringing the bottle up to his nose he surprised himself when the deep moan slipped from his lips. Truthfully it wasn’t his fault, yes Betty Cooper was definitely the best person the Former gang member had ever met but she was also the most beautiful and the way her hips moved and the slender curve of her neck did things to him, made him feel ways he hadn’t ever felt. Her lips were something he could picture perfectly when he closed his eyes, so pink and perfect, not to mention the way she bent down to pet hotdog or grab something from the oven, he couldn’t not look.

Sure there had been women, but he hadn’t felt anything for them, they were beautiful and they satisfied that itch but… they were no Betty Cooper. No one could come close.

Running a towel through his hair he sighed at the way his raven locks were growing far too long, he needed a haircut and maybe a shave.

He made his way down the stairs towards the bakery, grabbing a cinnamon roll on his way down. God that woman could bake. He chose to forgo his leather jacket this time, settling for his plain black jeans and a tattered white tshirt. He had to go shopping too. What a mess.

As soon as he reached the bakery he knew what Betty had been talking about when she spoke of how busy it had been lately, almost every table was taken and the line was nearly out the door.

Jughead spotted Betty behind the counter, frosting cupcakes faster than he thought humanly possible, her crew of workers were running frantically around the bakery.

Jughead walked cautiously towards the beautiful blonde baker, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he leaned against the counter

“Come here often?”

Betty’s eyes snapped up, instantly crinkling along with her smile when she saw the freshly showered boy in front of her.

“Well yes I do. I own this place so yeah…”

“Ah yes. I love a woman in power.”

Betty barked out the loudest laugh, drawing the attention of multiple tables and bringing the largest smile to Jugheads face.

Smacking her hand over her mouth Betty giggled
“What are you doing?” She questioned

Jughead pulled a napkin from the dispenser and pulled a pen from his pocket.
“I’m flirting with you.” He stated so matter of factly, Betty dropped the piping bag she was holding.

“And why on earth are you doing that?”

Jughead shrugged his shoulders still writing on the napkin
“I’m trying to woo you, is it working?”

Betty slid a perfectly frosted vanilla cupcake across the counter
“ I don’t know, ask me at the end of the day.” She licked the spare frosting off of her finger making direct eye contact with Jughead, two could play at this game.

Swallowing thickly the dark haired boy slid the napkin across the table, Betty grabbed it with a raised brow.

“I think I’m gonna go explore your town, I should be back before you close up for the day.” He started walking backwards, a goofy grin still on his face as Betty clutched the napkin. He could feel the eyes of all the bakery patrons on him, he didn’t look like he belonged in this town, surely his motorcycle parked proudly out front wasn’t helping his case.

Betty called after him
“Rumor has it Reggie is in town, I happen to know he hangs out around a certain bestfriends boutique, you might wanna say hello to an old friend” she waved delicately and headed into the kitchen.

Jughead smiled at a little girl, the toddlers eyes lit up and she tugged on her mom’s jacket, Jughead vaguely heard her whisper

“Like Danny Zuko.”

Jugheads hands flew to his hair, it was definitely time for a haircut.

As soon as his butt hit the seat of his motorcycle he sighed, sooner rather than later he supposed, pulling out his old fashioned cell phone from his side satchel, with held breath he glanced down

31 missed calls all from serpents

4 missed calls from his father

1 new text message

“You didn’t think you could really leave gang life that easily did you? Can’t wait to find you. You know what you owe us.”

Jughead slammed his phone shut and revved his engine.

Yeah, seeing Reggie was definitely a good idea.

anonymous asked:

"crazy detention stories"...go

They’re really not that crazy I don’t think but fine- but as I had detention at least once a week for 3 years you’re only getting the highlights here:

  • So again, I only ever got detentions because I was late to school basically every day. Every single day, the office wrote me a late slip with my name spelled horrendously wrong. Different spelling every day. The most famous butchering was writing my name as “Millie Hoagie”. On my very last day of high school, I was predictably late, and they spelled my name perfectly correctly.
  • So listen my ‘reputation’ in school was basically “quiet good girl who’s never done anything wrong, ever, in her life” and “teacher’s pet” and the like. And despite the fact I was there every time all the ‘Bad Kids™’ who were also always in detention were always incredibly surprised to see me??? Like they never got over it. Every time I walked into the damn room at least half the class would be like “MOLLY YOU DON’T BELONG HERE YOU’RE INNOCENT!!” 😂
  • Also despite the fact I was basically invisible in the school as a whole all the trouble makers knew me by name because, and I quote a kid from my 10th grade Spanish class who was trying to hook up with me at the time here, “Guys like me are afraid of you, Girl, we’re just plain out scared that we gonna corrupt you!” and I still don’t know what he actually meant by that???
  • Bu anyway, this apparent rep usually gave me an upper hand with the teachers monitoring the detentions. Because, you know, some were fine, some were bitchy, some were insane. But all of them were pissed about the fact they had to be there instead of heading home.
  • The rules of detention were literally just ‘stare at the wall and don’t talk’, depending on which teacher they might let the students do homework. But since I was apparently a great person and always had the class’ incredulous response to me being in the room, they usually let me get away with sleeping or reading a book lol.
  • Of course…no one said any of the other kids were inclined to following the rules lmao. These were like, all the class clowns™ shoved into one room. Things always got real funny real fast.
  • It would always start off with the coughing game. If you’ve ever stepped into a school you should know what that is.
  • It would then escalate to everyone in the room playing catch whenever the teacher looked away for a brief moment
  • Detention was always in the health classroom so someone always tried to steal a limb off the skeleton without being to obvious
  • Some teachers would let people talk ‘quietly’ so jokes were fucking abound
  • One time I was minding my own damn business and a kid slides me a note saying ‘in like five minutes ask to go to the bathroom but head downstairs to the English wing’ before he snuck out without the teacher noticing. I get down there and he’s at one end of the hallway and another boy is at the other end. Upon seeing me, these boys run full speed down the hall at each other, leap up in the air when they get to the direct center, high five with full force, both scream in pain, and then hit the floor, clutching their hands. I was cracking the fuck up and trying to convince them to go to the nurse but they wouldn’t listen. I asked the guy why the hell they did that. He told me ‘because we wanted a witness and no one will ever believe you’ 😂😂
  • One time my sorta-neighbor Mike comes in and the teacher asked why he had detention and apparently, the principal had asked him where to find his friend Jose, and Mike responded “he’s out picking cotton” and the principal flipped out at what he perceived to be a racist joke and gave him a month detention. But the thing was, Jose was in an agriculture class and he was literally outside picking cotton that they had planted there earlier. Jose found it fucking hilarious and refused to tell the principal to get his friend out of trouble.
  • As I haven’t been inside a school building for quite some time now I don’t know if turtling is still a thing but it was…quite an epidemic for my senior class.
  • It’s when you turn someone’s backpack inside out right? But it was a full blown war with these kids. Trust no one. Never leave the room. Never look away. Holy shit. One of the best moments of this occurred in detention, when a boy reached to get a book out of his backpack to find it was gone. After 15 minutes of searching the room, he found it, turtled, hidden in a filing cabinet in the front of the room. Everyone, including the teacher, was loosing their shit, because how did someone pull that off so quietly and invisibly without someone noticing??? No one fessed up. The class was in fear of the turtle ninja for the rest of the month, but they never struck again. No one ever discovered who it was.
  • Guys: It was me.
  • One time it was raining and the teacher was in a bad mood so he insisted all the windows stay open. He left for a bathroom break or something and this one poor kid, who was now completely soaked as he was stuck with a window seat, just said “fucking bye” and just…climbed out the damn window. Left his backpack and everything. Didn’t see him again for at least a month.
  • There was one guy who always sold ice cream out of his bag when the teachers weren’t looking. Where he was getting it from and how it stayed frozen is beyond me.
  • Oh my God sometimes all the indie singer kids would just come and sit on the floor outside the classroom and talk loudly to annoy us??? The hell were they trying to accomplish??? Your singing ain’t special and you won’t be famous, please let us die in peace.
  • One kid had detention because when we were running laps in gym class he jumped up to hit the arch of the ceiling and accidentally set off the fire alarm. The teacher that day insisted on continuously referring to him as ‘the delinquent’, as if no one else in the room had broken the rules or something
  • One time one of the gym teachers was in charge of it and long story short he started doing the jersey turnpike. True horror.
  • One time the teacher got a call and she had to go down to the office and the second she was gone this one kid’s friend runs in with a huge tray going “Y’ALL I STOLE THE LASAGNE CUPCAKES FROM THE FOOD AND NUTRITION CLASSROOM” and we dined like kings.
  • Everyone would sometimes just break out in song for no God damn reason
  • One time one of the guys in charge of the detention was A) Not someone anyone recognized as a teacher and B) Potentially Stanley Tucci. Like…I was about 80% certain that this guy was Stanley Tucci.
  • He refused to confirm or deny or even give a name
  • One time I was really absorbed in my book when all the sudden a letter flew onto my desk, an anonymous sender that just said “You have a soft, sexy voice.” Neither of which is true, I’m pretty sure, and I could not for the life of me figure out who sent it omfg
  • One time a teacher was freaking out because he went to a psychic over the weekend and was told there was a lot of activity around him so I looked him straight in the eyes and told him I’m a medium and I can see that the devil had marked his soul and he threw me out of the room and refused to take that class for detention ever again😂
  • It was a hot summers day. The ceiling fans were on their highest setting. A boy nudges me, with a small carton of ice cream in his hands under his desk. “What do you think would happen if I scooped out a huge chunk of this and threw it at the fan?” he whispered. “Jamil, no.” I pleaded, but it fell on deaf ears. Soon, the room was filled with confused screams.
  • Apparently all the other regulars™ had bought me candy grams around Christmas time so they were confused when I showed up to detention with no candy and apparently the student council member sent them all to the other Molly in the grade because she was the popular one and this lead to about 12 boys grumbling for two and a half hours like “The one damn time I attempt to be a gentleman” and “I know where she lives” and “Gonna gingerbread her fucking locker” I could not stop laughing
  • Oh God okay one time the teacher we had was literally. Off the charts.
  • Like there’s the chill teachers, and then the bitchy teachers. And then this lady. She literally reminded me of Stubel
  • So I didn’t even know who she was but I walk in and do my shy smile/quiet ‘hello’ thing and take out my book so she immediately zeros in on me as ‘the good kid’ as usual
  • But she literally seemed to think every other person in this class was a hardened criminal holy shit. She was all over the place barking orders and yelling. And of course, you’ve got a room full of class clowns, like they feed off teachers like this. So the madder she got the more ridiculous they got. I was literally almost in tears trying to force myself not to laugh because I didn’t want to risk her turning on me omfg
  • So she yelled and flailed about the room and they kept going with jokes and paper wasps and lying about their names and just doing literally every thing they could possibly do so this woman wouldn’t have the chance to rest
  • This escalated with every minute and came to a resounding end when the teacher decided the Australian Kid™ was chewing gum and picked up the trashcan and shoved his face in it, screaming at him to spit it out as he yelled back “YOU’RE ONLY DOING THIS BECAUSE IM AN IMMIGRANT
  • he was in charge of all the bullshit that day and it was hysterical but he wasn’t the one chewing gum loudly that was me
  • The vp came in to see what all the yelling was about to find a teacher shoving a boy’s head in the trash, one boy shirtless as another drew tattoos on him, the phone off the line with it’s cord wrapped around a kid’s neck, two boys dueling with skeleton arms, one kid with her leg out the window, a kid tying a skeleton foot to the ceiling fan, rubber bands and paper wasps flying from every angle, three people turtling backpacks, someone brandishing an epi-pen, sexual hangman being played on the chalkboard, someone eating ice cream and fanning himself with money, and me, crying into my book with my hand literally bleeding from all my efforts to not laugh at what I was witnessing
  • We never saw her in detention again😂
  • My one younger friend got a detention for being late and was really shaken up about it and I tried to tell her she’d be fine but then she got caught sliding me chocolate animal crackers during it, and subsequently got another detention because of this; somehow I was not viewed as an equally guilty party and didn’t get in trouble
  • This one guy came in complaining “You guys all told me to get a twitter and I get thrown in twitter jail my first day!” “That’s like a thousand tweets in one day, how the fuck did you mange that?” “Bitch I had a lot to say about McDonalds!”
  • One teacher came in and was like “I don’t feel like helping with homework but does anyone wanna learn how to hack a computer?”
  • Someone got caught pouring water out the window but when the teacher looked to see why she saw the youngest of the goats™ standing under the window with it’s mouth open waiting for more
  • One time the teacher wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom and after I asked for like the 5th time he said “It can’t be that important!” so I just pulled a pad out of my backpack and silently sat it on my desk while glaring at him and this 40 year old man looked like he was about to pass out and he finally let me go
  • I remember our final detention of senior year we were told that if we skip it we can’t graduate so everyone went into that room with a ridiculously nostalgic attitude and one guy finally stole the skull off the skeleton and we fucking tossed it around the entire time while singing and blatantly ignoring the teacher’s complaining lmao
  • I know there’s more but it’s 7am and this is long so all in all like…I do not miss high school but some memories are bearable lmao
...hold on a second.

So, the gang’s investigation of the cave they’re trapped in comes to a halt when they reach the obvious fake wall mysterious treasure chest at the end.

Inside the chest, a skeleton head with a microphone inside asks for the password, and they try a lot of pirate-y phrases to no avail. They’re completely stumped.

However, Shaggy then says:

“How about ‘yum yum yum and a liverwurst à la mode!’”

which promptly…

…is revealed to be the secret password.

Now, the episode immediately hurries on from this scene, but two implications really deserve due time to sink in:

1. This band of hardened criminals, who have tried to kill the gang in multiple ways, decided to set “yum yum yum and a liverwurst à la mode” as their official password.

Every single time someone has to come or go, they have to say that. Out loud. In front of everyone.

2. If Shaggy had not randomly said that exact non-sequiter, in that exact way, at that exact time, the gang would have been trapped in the caves until were dealt with by the bad guys or died.

Why exactly do the police in the Scooby-Doo universe give these kids credit for solving mysteries, again? 

Gimmie a plot where two people are placed into witness protection at the same time and end up having to pretend to be a cute married couple living in the suburbs. Give me a hardened criminal who sold out his boss for his freedom having to pretend to be a nice guy working at some cheesy nine to five job. Give me a pure, kind hearted girl who walked in on a murder and testified because it was the right thing and now has to deal with what she’d been through. Give me them trying to play house with annoying neighbors and forgetting their new fake names. It will be so cute and funny and I just want it ok

Imagine... Dean finding a Victoria’s Secret Bag

Originally posted by twoidjitsinthesalvageyard

Warnings: language, implied smut

A/N: quick little Dean drabble for you guys! For those of you who have seen NCIS, this was sort of inspired by the way Tony DiNozzo sneaks around when he’s prying into Tim and Ziva’s stuff. Hope you like it!

Keep reading

You don’t know passive aggression until you’ve been in Jack’s car when she’s pissed off with Geoff. Jolts and jerks and sudden brakes, hairpin turns and sickening spins, her face utterly blank as she tunes out their screaming. And there is always screaming, hardened criminals or not there is no fear like rocketing through incoming traffic at top-speed while the driver fumes in silence, no equivalent feeling to the alarm when she takes a sudden unplanned detour off road, bouncing overs hills and into ditches with reckless abandon, always right on the edge of losing control.

It’s a rare occurrence, thank the gods, Jack’s temper is usually loud and fleeting when it’s aimed at a crew-mate, but on the occasions when they really butt heads Geoff has always had a special ability to wind her up. Always had trouble admitting when he was in the wrong, refusing to just apologise, mocking any argument she comes up with rather than talking it out like an adult. So eventually Jack stops talking and Geoff, like a fool, always thinks it’s a victory.

Which eventually leads them here, crammed on top of each other and held captive by child locks and the inability to survive leaping from the speeding car, clutching at handles and handguns, at any part of each other they can reach, caught between fearing the end and praying for a speedy death. Because of course Geoff can’t help himself, has to press on open wounds even when the fight is over, has to poke the bear even when the bear is driving. Even when the bear has proven time and time again that at this point she’s prepared to drive them all straight into a grave rather than back down.

There is no pleading with Jack when she gets like that, not for the rest of the crew anyway, so when they’re caught in the crossfire it is always Geoff who catches their ire. As though sitting next to Jack in an arctic fury, being rattled around inside a little tin on wheels isn’t bad enough, Geoff inevitably finds himself dealing with a mutiny from the back seats. They make up for Jack’s silence tenfold, nauseous and unsettled their ultimatums are always particularly vicious, demanding his apology under threat of the unimaginable. Michael and Jeremy swear all kinds of bodily harm, Ryan has gotten halfway through upholding his promise to push Geoff out the window of the moving car, and once Gavin leaned forward and actually threw up on him.

When he does eventually give up, thoroughly disgruntled, legitimately worried for his life and snarling about the lack of respect in his shitty excuse for a crew, Geoff’s apology doesn’t lack sincerity. Jack, having not said a word throughout this whole exchange, lets him stew for a minute, speech rambling along with a distinct note of panic before she gives in, slows down, and laughs.  


20-year-old ex-cadet and barman Konstantin Ivanov of Saint Petersburg loved being a bad guy. He would tell girls all kind of cool stories about him being a hardened criminal and getting caught in a shootout with his enemies. On 5 June, 2016 Konstantin decided to make his dreams true and killed 31-year-old taxi driver by slashing his throat with a knife. Then he took a selfie, making sure his hand covered in blood were very visible on the picture, and send it to numerous girls. The trial started in the end of May, 2017.

Summing up the shows

Supernatural: Two brothers start hunting the occult end up in a soap opera that never ends

The 100: Showing that teenage girls make for far better rulers then old white men

Orphan Black: A precious little hobbit finds out she has sisters in the most unusual of ways. Also French bisexual puppy

Agent Carter: is perfection. Is everything

Legend of Korra: The Anthropomorphic personification of an uber powerful god like creature is going through her teenager years and doing all the usual things. Stopping communist, starting civil wars, bringing down tyrants and falling for a girl

Arrow: Up to season 3 a fun modern super hero show with a lovely core family. From season 3 aka the post Sara Lance period utter crap that barely keeps it together

Hawaii 5-0: There should be no laws for the police. The only way to get things done is to give them absolute power and let them do whatever they want

Sense8:  What will happen if instead of internet friendships we got telepathic friendships.

Legend of the Seeker: Basically Xena although the lesbians are not just implied but shown

The Flash: Precious cinnamon roll gets superpowers ends up doing well until the end when he screws up enormously

Faking it: Ever tried to help your best friend with something only to end falling in love with her,realizing you are a lesbian and embarking on a complicated and ridiculously weird journey

Dead Like Me: bored sarcastic aimless teenager is killed by a falling space station. Becomes a grim reaper. Is still a bored sarcastic aimless teenager but slightly more angry

Person of Interest: Ok here is the plan. We pretend that this show is your usual procedural with a  slight twist and then we lay down for a while till the network doesn;t suspect anything and bham. Social issues, well developed female characters, anti goverment messages, discussing humanity and so much more

Once Upon a Time: What happens if you combines amazingly rich and iconic characters with incredibly talented and charming actors and with horrible writers

Carmilla: Tiny curious gay hobbit falls for an useless broody lesbian vampire

Community: An accurate representation of college

IZombie: A sarcastic tiny zombie solves crimes by eating the brains of murder victims and absorbing their memories and personalities. Also has shirtless Arthur. if you have loved Veronica Mars you will adore this

Leverage: Hardened criminals look at how fucked up our society is and go “ Holy shit come on’ and start fighting for the people by taking down corporations and other assholes

Lost Girl: It’s like Buffy but the main characters uses her vagina significantly more. Especially on women

Fringe: Say why not break the universe and watch as things get really weird? Also there is a cow as a supporting character

Sherlock: An anti social …sociopath  whom everybody tolerates for no obvious reason gets a grumpy doctor to obsess over him. He solves cases that are so badly written that you cringe when you say them outloud. Is a crappy show but the actors are so charming and talented that you can’t help but watch it

Orange is the New Black: Tumblr chick goes to prison remembers how much she loves girls, realizes that she is engaged to a pie fucker

Teen Wolf: ridiculously buff boys in their mid twenties play teeangers who are constantly shirtless due to being werewolves. Women tend to get screwed over a lot. Guilty pleasure for a lot of people

Rizzoli & Isles: Come for the cool female friends who solve crime together stay for your lesbian headcannon

Penny Dreadful: You know how sometimes you imagine crazy things like Frankenstein and an American Werewolf getting together and hunting down Dracula with the girl who is being stalked by Satan? Yeah…you should watch this show. It has Eva Greeen and Billie Piper

Game of Thrones: Blood and Boobs. Also ice zombie(so far we haven’t seen female ice zombie boobs but it’s just a matter of time)

Merlin: A world in which  emotional readiness of Arthur is more important then continued genocide and the destruction of a poor precious woman who only wanted the good of everybody. Yes I am still bitter

Vampire Diaries/ Originals: Here we have some incredibly toxic people and relationships. Worship them

Haven:X-Files the small town version

Happy Endings: It’s like Friends if black and gay people existed there. And if Friends had much better writers

Outlander: A woman from the 20th century travels back in time to the year 1743. Can’t stop herself from constantly telling people to fuck off

Elementary: An accomplished woman helps a broken detective gets his life together and shuts the shit out of him down when he is rude. She finds detective work fun and becomes a detective herself. Natalie Dormer appears halfway through the show and fucks you up with her perfection

Misfits: What will happen if you get superpowers

Being Human: A werwolf, a vamire and a ghost decide to become roomates. Yes it’s exactly as hilariously awesome as you think  P.S : You will end up crying a lot

Powers: The first realistic representation of what the world will be like if things like Superheroes and Super villains have existed for decades

Doctor Who: Starts out with a sad ancient alien teaching his humans companions that everyone is special and everything matters . Halfway through it suddenly changes to pointless stunts that make no sense but look pretty

AU where Danny gets locked away in Warden’s ghost prison for 2 years. He thinks himself a hardened criminal, a total king pin, a badass, this is his kingdom now…

But when his friends and family bust through the wall with a “jacked” up (*wink*) Fenton RV he’s just like “Holy Clockwork, get me outta here!!!”

Maddie and Jack call up their old ghost hunting buddy Vlad like “V-man you won’t believe where Danny has been all this time!!”

And Vlaf doesn’t give a fuck at this point, he knows the jig is up, so he’s just like “Hm? And where would that be, Jack? Ghost Prison?”

“Wh… well, yeah, actually! How did you–”

“I would have paid his bail if only he or his friends had asked me. Really, they’re quite stubborn. And irresponsible. Wouldn’t you agree, Maddie? I mean, if it wasn’t for THEM your son–”


“Hm? Well yes isn’t that what I sai–OOF!”

“Talk. NOW.”

“Gah, I WAS going to calmly explain things to you and let Daniel fill in the gaps, but since you’ve escalated things I have no choice but to respond in turn…”

And with that the mondo cheeselord himself turns into Plasmius and it’s all out in the open now.

Write Me Lovely part 2

You guys seemed to really enjoy my prison Au so I wrote a part 2! I hope you guys enjoy, let me know what you think in the comments! I love reading your reviews!

“Really Betty, I don’t see why you even work that job. It’s not like you don’t make enough at the bakery, I’ve read your tax returns you almost make as much as Daddy and that’s saying something.” Veronica Lodge stared blatantly at her best friend as Betty shuffled a pile of schoolwork and the bakery key in her hands.

“It’s not about the money Veronica, if I didn’t teach the art program at Riverdale elementary then no one would. I love those kids and they deserve an outlet to express their feelings” Betty finally opened the front door, squeezing through and inhaling the sugary scent of pastries.

“Of course Ms. save the world.” Veronica smiled fondly at her best friend, grabbing the pile of art work and placing it on the table freeing up Betty’s hands to turn on the lights, sure she teased Betty but deep down she admired her friends kind heart and unwavering determination to make things better.

With a grateful smile the green eyed blonde, opened the curtains and stood for a moment allowing the sun to warm her bones.

“Sure is a beautiful day isn’t it?” She turned around, long, soft curls flying around her shoulders. Veronica nodded

“Definitely, Archie promised to take me to the city this weekend, I need to do some shopping.” The raven haired princess wiggled her perfectly manicured eyebrows.

“You always need to do some shopping. Speaking of New York, did I tell you about this new prison pen pal program the school has me and the kids doing? My penpal is in New York.”

Veronica looked up from the croissant she had snuck off the display Betty was stacking

“Prisoner? You’re writing to a prisoner? He could be a murdere B!”

Betty rolled her eyes
“Well it’s not like I plan on meeting him, I doubt he’ll even write back, but it’s kind of interesting. I’m sure he has a very interesting past.”

Veronica rolled her pastry in a napkin
“Listen Betty you’re my best friend and I love you but you’ve been mixed up with some pretty bad guys before and I don’t want a redo of what happened last year. These people are criminals.”

Betty winced at the reminder of her last boyfriend, it wasn’t something she was too fond of remembering
“Well you don’t know this man. You shouldn’t judge someone by their status, you should know that better than anyone.” Betty narrowed her eyes and Veronica threw her hands up thoroughly scolded.
“You’re right, you’re right. Just be careful that’s all I ask. Now I’ve gotta run, houses don’t design themselves.”

Veronica was a fairly popular interior decorator, she worked on homes all around the world.

“Alright Ronnie, see you tonight? Dinner at my new place? Kevin’s coming.”

With a dismissive wave of her hand Veronica stood by the front door
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Tah tah now love.”
She blew a kiss and swung out the door, leaving Betty completely alone in the bakery.

She loved moments like this, early dawn, the sun shining through the glass windows, cupcakes in the oven and strawberries ready to be sliced for shortcake. She was happy, content. But something was still missing, something had always been missing. Running her fingers through the sticky dough she realized she had forgotten to go through her mail from yesterday. Wiping her hands on a towel, she hopped the counter and landed firmly on a stool by the window, flipping through her letters she couldn’t help the huge smile that graced her face at a certain white envelope titled by “Jughead Jones”

His handwriting was more or less a scrawl, readable but all mushed together. Still it was pretty satisfying to receive a letter back, I guess the whole penpal situation was kind of cool.

Greedily ripping into the envelope Betty began to read.

“Dear Betty Cooper,
Or should I call you Ms.Cooper? You are a teacher after all. I guess I should say Thankyou for the letter, I don’t get much mail here so it was a surprise. As you know my name is Jughead Jones and yes Betty, I do find it weird that the school you teach at is having young children write letters to hardened criminals, but to each their own I suppose. As for me, I’m not nearly as ruthless as you would imagine, I’m sure you’re wondering if I’m a murderer? It’s okay, everyone always wants to know. The answer is no. I won’t go into further detail but you should know I’ve never killed anything, well maybe a squirrel, but I assure you that wa sour elf accidental. You teach first grade? That’s quite the year. If you don’t mind me asking, what is it that you teach? And to answer your question yes. I love sweets, I love all food but I have a pretty strong ass sweet tooth. You don’t have to send me anything but I wouldn’t hate it if you did. Don’t you want prisoners review for your bakeries website? I have a dog back home, his name is hot dog. I’m sure he’s with another one of my..friends. I may not know you but you can have Hotdog, he’s a great dog and my ..friends don’t quite care about him as much as I do. Anyway I don’t have much to say about myself I was born and ra in New York, it gets pretty exhausting. I think when I get out I’m gonna get out of this state, find somewhere small, get work and get out of the business I’m in now. Well that’s all for me. I normally don’t talk this much but I figured hey? I’ve gotta get it out somehow. Maybe you can write back? Maybe not. It’s fine. Anyway, Live a smart life Betty Cooper and stay good
-Jughead Jones”

Betty gripped the piece of paper tight in her fingers, he had written back and he was attentive, funny and witty. Betty felt her stomach tighten as she reached around for a pen and paper, she wanted to write him back now, ask more questions, get more answers. Suddenly the beeping of her oven went off and the smell of burnt chocolate filled her nostrils.

“Oh sugar!”

aww today i got a couple of acrylics because i wanted to paint on my jacket like the hardened criminal that i am so this is the test patch (,: unplanned freehand little daturas and orchid

Here’s a fun way to ruin half of the action movies you watch: When the hero is beating the shit out of a room full of evil henchmen, take your eyes off the hero and his current victim and watch what the other bad guys are doing. You are about to observe several stunt performers trying to look menacing or at least busy while actually doing absolutely nothing.

Take the massive fight scene in Kill Bill, when the Bride fights the Crazy 88. They are 88 hardened criminals, but they fight like they are politely waiting in line at a euthanasia clinic. Ignore the Bride and the guy she’s swordfighting with, and note the useless bastards in the background standing there watching it happen:

Uma Thurman has so long to screw around between attacks that at one point, she reaches up during a clashing of swords to pull a guy’s eye out. And while he’s screaming, the other 87 sword murderers stop to let her pose. One would imagine three or four of them would think to stab her, and 40 or so would think to throw their sword or go look for a gun.

Nonsensical Things Every Action Movie Thinks Really Happen

FP x Reader: Lonesome Bodies

Warnings: none
Requested: yes, this is a continuation to “Indecent
A/N: so I received a lot of prompts surrounding the idea that was brought up in “Indecent”, however I didn’t want to do 100 different versions so instead of picking just one, I just did my own original prompt.

Read the prequel, Indecent, here.

*your POV*

It’s been three months to the day since I was brought home by FP. To his home, now our home. The smell of cigarette smoke and alcohol was burned into the walls and now my nostrils as well. FP himself smelled of musk, an overwhelming sign of power in his eyes. It was a “manly scent” he claimed, and the more his colleagues and enemies could pick up his masculinity, the better off as a leader he thought he was.

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thisbirdhadflown  asked:

Hartwin, ass grab

“And…cheers to the new term!” 

Eggsy grins at his mates. Jamal and Ryan didn’t end up following him to uni, but they’d managed to keep in touch, cheering Eggsy on and even postponing their nights out in order for Eggsy to buckle down and ace his exams without so much as as a groan. In return, Eggsy paid for their drinks—thanks to work study, his shifts at the tutoring center, and the full gymnastics and academic scholarship, he had a little extra for his own—and brought along Roxy, who could kick their arses at Cards Against Humanity and drink them under the table.

Now, Roxy’s tapping her glass against his. “To our last term!” she cheers, relief slumping her shoulders, though Eggsy knows she’s got internships and fucking law school lined up after this. He himself hopes to land something that pays decently, especially if he doesn’t get any aid to go to a proper graduate program, and he really, really needs it. While Roxy had been drawn to throwing hardened criminals in the slammer, he’d been drawn to the foster system, already planning his thesis on the economic and social barriers that involved academically-correct words for officials with silver spoons stuck up their arses. 

But to even get there, he needed good grades—which should work out—and exam scores and letters of recommendation. He’d lined up his options with two other professors, scrapping even the idea of asking Dr. King for one and entertaining the idea for Dr. Hart. He was going to be in two of his classes this semester, and Dr. Hart seemed strict but fair and sympathetic to what Charlie—who seemed to think he was going to land a position in the House of Lords easily enough—disdainfully called the downtrodden. “Supports every bleeding heart cause out there,” Charlie had sneered when he’d spotted Eggsy looking through options for his next term. “Sob stories about single mothers from the estates and drunken deadbeat dads and chavs snorting every drug they can lay their hands on…yeah, he eats them up.” 

So, yeah, maybe Dr. Hart would be less of a snob than his other professors, but Eggsy hopes he can prove his worth instead of being another statistic for someone to sigh over. But now, he laughs with his mates, trading stories and knocking back a few pints, filling up with chips so he doesn’t get too sloshed, since he’s got classes in a few days. 

“…And I haven’t fucked in, like, five months,” Jamal’s groaning. “Fucking job at the fire station, love it and all, but it’s been a fucking dry spell.” 

“Not a dry spell for me,” Ryan declares, and when everyone turns to him, Jamal leaning forward hopefully, he shakes his head. “A fucking drought. Try getting it on in the storeroom at Asda with those bright green shirts and smells of some fucking idiot spewing his lunch and missing the bin.” 

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