hardboiled!!

4

I found these comics and instantly thought of you 😂 I hope they make you laugh 😊

These hit uncomfortably close to home. A few years ago, my friends and I decided to head out for a “noir night” with big coats, hats, and cigars. Then we hit up an all-night diner around midnight. I’m terrible at smoking, drinking, and ordered a salad… my friends just shook their heads and called me out for being a hardboiled poser.

Fav lines from BTS fanfiction (pt.1)

“He’s delicate! He won’t survive in there!”
“He’s not delicate, his biceps are bigger than your goddamn thigh.”
“HE DRINKS BEER WITH HIS PINKIES OUT, HE’S DELICATE.”


Yeah, that’s right, we’re not even dating and I still paid, whuddup. Gentleman level wildebeest right here.


and for christ’s sake Yoongi touch his ass at least once you vanilla piece of shit. remember the you-know-whats are in those kitty socks i keep in the back of our closet❤ have fun being a Gaylord no matter what jesus loves you!!1!1!


“12/10 would quantum smash into the fourth dimension,”


“you know what i think? you should date someone that ruins your underwear and not your makeup”


“I don’t believe in vanilla cheesecake unseasoned hardboiled eggs shit if it’s just a quick fuck,”


“Just you wait Min Yoongi. You will rue the day you insulted my weenis.”


“Don’t you dare put your meat juice in my cereal,”


“He looks like he belongs in heaven, right next to the giant bowls of lollipops and the Cat Fancy magazines.”


i’ll send u my address in like 2 sec i have to go look @ the mailbox bc i forgot it


Jeongguk hiccups out a sob. “Oh my God,” he sniffles, letting the tears run down his face in hot, wet streams. “Your dick is so cute.”


[MIN.Y has removed KIM.N from the group]
KIM.S: Yoongi-yah I’ve told you so many times you can’t just remove people like that it’s rude!
[MIN.Y has removed KIM.S from the group]


“I would sell you to satan for one cornchip,”


“YOU ARE AN IMPURE CHILD, REPENT AND PUT YOUR TONGUE BACK IN YOUR MOUTH,”


“I am going to get out of this chair specifically to kill you, you little shit,”


“I’ve been in a relationship with my hand for the past 23 years,”


“Silence, peasant number 5,”


“I am a good bean, so please take care of me”


“Jeon Jungkook is, in fact, a living meme.”

“But here’s some advice, boy. Don’t put your trust in revolutions. They always come around again. That’s why they’re called revolutions.” 

Trying something new with my art style!

I finally started reading Discworld and oh my gosh, please talk to me about sam vimes, my bitter human espresso, my lawful good cop who is as angry as i am, the kind of person who /chooses/ to be good and kind and steadfast. 

//wheezes he’s the hero i didn’t even know i needed/was looking for but this is it, this is the character i’ve been waiting my entire life for, game over, my favourite forever and ever

Spring Time Legends & Lore

Hare

The Easter Bunny is of German origin. He shows up in 16th century literature as a deliverer of eggs, in his own way a springtime St. Nicholas bent on rewarding the good.

In Celtic mythology and folklore the hare has links to the mysterious Otherworld of the supernatural.

The Celts believed that the goddess Eostre’s favourite animal and attendant spirit was the hare.

Many Buddhist and Hindu texts describe the hare as a creature of fire, but not just any fire, the same consuming sacrificial fire of the phoenix, then to rise again out of the ashes.

To the Romans, the hare is an emblem of fertility, abundance, sexuality, lust, rampant growth and excess.

Eggs

Eggs have forever been associated with spring time. Ancient Egyptians, Persians, Romans, Gauls, and Chinese all embraced the egg as a symbol of the universe. 

Druids buried eggs dyed red, the color of menstrual blood, in freshly plowed fields to draw the goddess of spring from her slumber and to ensure abundance and fertility for the year.  

In Egypt and Persia eggs were decorated at the beginning of the year. The decorated eggs were exchanged at the equinox, the eggs symbolizing creation and fertility. 

Early humans thought the return of the sun from winter darkness was an annual miracle, and saw the egg as a natural wonder and proof of the renewal of life.

As Christianity spread, the egg was adopted as a symbol of Christ’s resurrection from the tomb. Hardboiled eggs were dyed red in memory of Christ’s blood, then given to children as a talisman to preserve their health over the ensuing twelve months.  

Pace eggs are kept year-round in British households for luck.

The protective qualities of the scarlet-dyed egg are still invoked in parts of Europe to guard fields and vineyards from lightning and hail, one is usually buried on the property for that purpose

According to European superstition, once an egg is consumed, its shell must be broken up lest a witch use it to gain power over the person who ate from it. A witch might also make a boat from an intact shell, then set sail in it and wreck ships at sea. Discarded eggshells should never be burned because doing so will cause the hens to cease to lay. 

Spring Deities

Anglo-Saxons worshiped Eostre, the moon Goddess of spring and fertility. 

The Druids worshiped Blodeuwedd, the Goddess of fertility, magick, and dawn.

In Roman mythology, Flora is the goddess of flowers and of the season of spring.

The Ancient Greek goddess Persephone is associated with spring.  

The celtic Goddess Brigit is honored at the festival of Imbolc which celebrates the first stirrings of Spring.

Freya is the Nordic fertility Goddess associated with spring growth and flowers. 

Spring Flora

Clover and other three-leaved plants were once considered spring gifts from the fairies to protect us and bring us luck.

Easter Lilies symbolize purity and spring time.

Other Wives tales

An old wives tale says  a wind that blows on Easter Day will continue to blow throughout the year, and that a shower of rain promises a good crop of grass but little hay. 

Children born on Easter Day are deemed especially fortunate. Those born on Good Friday, however, are doomed to be unlucky. 

References: motherearthliving.com, snopes.com, irishabroad.com, druidicdawn.org


May the moon light your path!

Moonlight Academy

“She’s supposed to be vegan,” Golden-eyes said without lifting her eyes from her textbook.

Her roommate had gone a few days before. The burn mark on her arm from where she had touched a stove-top coil was in the wrong place when she stumbled back through the door one night. That was how Golden-eyes knew in the first place. The moment the being that looked like her roommate had walked in the door, she’d known.

Mark one up for belonging somewhere other than Humanity.

This was her second semester at school, a different roommate this time, and both of them had been taken. It was like they were trying to keep an eye on her, the calling-home getting louder each time. Golden-eyes the Changeling. Made for an interesting story, she did.

But back to the current happening.

Her roommate, the one that was replaced, she was eating whole eggs. Not hardboiled. Just…Raw. In the shells and uncooked. Out of the carton.

It was frustrating.

“I was going to bake a cake tomorrow,” she added, putting the cap of her highlighter in her teeth. Her next words were muffled but understandable. “Rather rude of you, eating my ingredients. I was going to share,” she spat the cap out, finally looking up. “Freely given.”

“…?” her roommate made a questioning noise, her two-shades-wrong eyes tracking the movements Golden-eyes was making.

“Yeah yeah, just…” Golden-eyes sighed, shutting her highlighter in her book and standing up. “I have too much free time tomorrow, I hate not having something to do. And she’s supposed to be vegan.”

The questioning noise again.

“It means she doesn’t eat eggs or dairy of any kind.” Golden-eyes held out a hand. “I need those back. We’ll get you set up with something that probably tastes better. Again, freely given. We can swap it out for the carton of cream I have specifically for you. I also have honey. And,” she looked at the clock. “She has about nine hours until her next class. She took morning ones. So unless you can get all the rest you need, it’s going to be you drinking the cream with the honey and then sleeping. She needs her grades to stay up.”

Slowly, her roommate handed over the eggs, following when Golden-eyes waved for her to.

“And if you really do like eggs like this, just tell me.” She continued scolding, making her way to the mini-fridge they kept in the corner of the room. “I’ll buy you more and mark them for you. Just leave mine alone. If I have ingredients, it’s because I have something planned. It’s just rude to eat someone’s stuff without permission.”

She handed over the cream and honey, putting the eggs back in their place. With that done, she moved back to her bed and resumed studying. 

(Sorry, the return of Golden-eyes who will one day be a teacher naming herself Drummis. Watching a baking show, felt the urge to return.)

x

anonymous asked:

Do you have a recommended reading list for early era sci-fi stories? Like, what you think helped define the genre in its infancy? You seem to know so much, and I want to try and maybe become more knowledgeable of geeky literature roots.

Well, here’s a few recommendations to get you started on reading early pulp-era science fiction: 

Slan by A.E. van Vogt (1940). This one is about a young boy who is a Slan, a member of a tendril-headed race of telepathic mutants who, in the future, are hunted and hated to extermination by normal humans. Our hero’s parents are murdered in front of him, and he is forced to go into hiding. It’s a great premise: you’re running in the night, and the wolves are after you. The book is really worth reading for the villain, Kier Gray, dictator of earth, a man described as “magnetic and tigerish.” A huge part of the book deals with him outsmarting all the people who want his job, and you grow to actually admire him. Like Julius Caesar or Napoleon, he’s a great man…but not a “nice” one. 

The Black Flame (1948). Anything by Stanley G. Weinbaum is worth reading; his career as a scifi writer only lasted 18 months, before he died of cancer, but in that time, he totally transformed the genre: his “Martian Odyssey” changed scifi because it had truly alien and incomprehensible aliens. Black Flame is one is one of my favorites because it’s actually a scifi romance, in that the romantic story is the “A-plot” and not a subplot. Our hero is a beefy modern-day Chris Hemsworthian engineer who wakes up in a post-apocalyptic future ruled by immortals. The most memorable is Princess Margaret, the Black Flame. Her moods turn on a dime, and she can go from the most achingly alluring woman ever, the kind you’d sell your soul to have, to being cruel and pitiless in an instant. Despite that, you get the feeling she is actually vulnerable, isolated from mankind by her immortality. I don’t know your gender, but in general, all the women I’ve lent this one to love it, because it’s a love story and the Black Flame is so cool.

Galactic Patrol by E.E. Smith (1939). This is not the first space opera, but the first space opera that had everything in play as we know it. It features the Lensmen, space-police assembled from dozens of races. It’s great, pure adventure stuff, and is the first book to have platoons of marines in strength-boosting power armor. It has imagery like the hyperspacial tube that lets you cross 20,000 light years in seconds, if you survive. “The Hell Hole in Space.” Mind battles where the reflection and parried mind powers make hundreds of innocent bystanders fall down dead. Space battles with literally millions of starships. Assembled from thousands of races, the Lensmen are the predecessors to multi-species hero organizations like the Jedi Knights and the Green Lanterns. The alien lensmen are really alien; my favorite is a telepathic dragon, and another is a psychologist from a planet of cowards. None of it is schlocky, it’s all deadly serious. The Lensmen have a kill-count that would make Brock Sampson blush, and the villains are frighteningly ruthless, cold, and competent. My favorite is the blue-skinned, cold, supergenius leader of the pirates, Helmuth, who was such a frighteningly effective villain. You figure out he’s not the usual bad guy when he refuses to accept the hero’s apparent death at face value, and because a body wasn’t found, assumed the hero faked his own death and continues looking for him.

“Shambleau” and the Northwest Smith horror-space opera stories by C.L. Moore (1933). If you ever want to see where Han Solo came from, read the Northwest Smith stories, published by C.L. Moore, about an amoral, pragmatic and hardboiled space smuggler and criminal, in adventures that are moody, dark, and more like horror than like adventure stories. The best of these is Shambleau, where Northwest Smith discovers an alien creature that may be the inspiration for the legends of Medusa.

A Princess of Mars, Gods of Mars, Warlord of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs. The most influential science fiction writer of the early part of this century, Edgar Rice Burroughs’s Mars/Barsoom stories are set on old, dying Mars of endless warfare, flying navies, swordfights, and beautiful princesses in need of rescue. They’re romantic stuff about heroes, gallant deeds, and daring and villains. The books have giant apes who live in crumbling lost Martian cities, and a beautiful girl who mentally controls lions.

The Hand of Zei by L. Sprague de Camp. De Camp is wonderful, but read this book right after the John Carter of Mars stuff. It’s kind of like Army of Darkness, in that it’s both a satire and also a great straight example of sci-fi planet romance stories at the same time. The hero is a neurotic oedipean ghost writer. The evil sinister mesmerist who commands the evil pirates is a velociraptor creature who is a germaphobe and spooked by loud noises. It’s absolute great fun and has a wonderful sense of humor.

Sinister Barrier by Eric Frank Russell (1939). This horror-tinged scifi novel has an amazing premise: imagine if the earth had been conquered and ruled in secret by invisible energy beings in another plane of existence who feed off our sensations of fear, pain, and terror, using the human race as cattle. Our hero is a scientist who discovers the existence of these beings, and has to flee for his life when he realizes the true nature of the world.

Incomplete list of things Andrew Hussie has created

-Wizardology: The Book of The Secrets Of Merlin by Dugald Steer
-Star Trek The Next Generation Edits
-Two Cannibals Are Eating A Clown And One of Them Turns To The Other and Says, Doesn’t This Taste A Bit Funny: The Graphic Novel
-And It Don’t Stop From Keep Happening
-Wizardy Herbert
-Barty Anderson, Bigfoot Hunter (starring Byron Hussie)
-David Brinner, Ghost Psychologist
-Sweet Bro and Jeff……..
-the MicroSoft Pain Adventures
–Jail Break (Steven Universe Episode 52, Season 1b Finale)
–Woops, I Dropped My Monster Codpiece That I Use For My Magnum Dong
–Hardboiled Detective Story
–cool and new webcomic
–Dinosaur Comics (hidden mspa)
-nothing
-(MSPA Kickstarter-backed Video Game) Half Life 3 (still in progress)
-Undertale
-the entire city of Boston
-this post
-Namco High

Being a creep in cool alley ways in the pouring rain.

{please don’t remove my words}

Top 10 Must Read Ichihime Fanfics

Multi-chapter edition! These are in particular the fanfics I believe are a must, perhaps even a requirement, for any true Ichihime fan to read! Fics are mostly rated T - M, with varying language and violence, as well as sexual content.

All fanfics are complete, apart from one.

Fanfictions listed here are found on FF.net, and are in no particular order.


La Belle et la Bete by Enelya87 - 19th century France. An AU Ichihime story based on Beauty and the Beast. “He lifted his hand and dragged a single claw down her cheek and throat, careful not to break the delicate skin.” Language and Lemons.
This is one of the first Ichihime fanfics I ever found, and I remember staying up a full day for the first time in my life when I first read this. Written back in 2009, with 15 chapters and a total of 131,138 words, its a very capturing read!

Office Romance by Enelya87 - They are separated until Isshin pulls a fast one on Ichigo and brings the two together again. Except for one, slight obstacle.
Because we all need a sexy little fic involving Ichigo trying to keep his cool with Orihime strutting around in a pencil skirt. Jealousy, lace panties, and a not-so-tough “rival” for Orihime’s heart. Written in 2009, 5 chapters, 20,061 words.

Yakusoku Shitara byle.etoile - [If You Promise] Protect me if you want. Stay by my side if you wish. My only request is that you don’t cry for me when I’m gone. Instead, smile in memory of me. IchiHime Royal Realm fanfic.
 I have read this so many times in the past year alone, but never get tired of it. It flips between Orihime and Ichigo’s P.o.v. and is based around the idea “what if Orihime was the key”. le.etoile and Ichihime? Duh! Written in 2009, with 11 chapters and 51,212 words, you can almost taste their yearning for each other.

hardboiled strawberries, smiling halcyon by alice hattercandy“Twice, you almost lost her. Her brother. Aizen. Who do you need next to finally gather your balls— if you have any— and tell what you need to say to her? Don’t wait for the third time. Because bad things come in three.” Days later, it happened.
Do you wanna cry? This is one of those fics you will read over and over, forgetting the ending not because it is forgettable - it is the most memorable - but because it will pull you in just as hard as when you first read it. (Or, it might be because of the tearful trauma.) Alice Hattercandy pretty much wrote the book for Ichihime fanfiction in my opinion. Written in 2009, 24 chapters, 104,971 words.

that beautiful girl, she’s a beautiful girl by alice hattercandy- CRACK. But because he was Ichigo and she was Orihime, nothing seemed to get right in their love story.
I think about this fic literally every day(I whisper the title under my breath way too much) The angsty Ichigo is my favorite Ichigo aside from the protective one, and boy does Alice capture them both! Its cute, and Ichigo is clueless even when he knows. Written in 2010, 3 chapters, 6,472 words.

Long Way Down - by le.etoile- Two entirely different people somehow intertwined by similar pasts. With one boy disabled and the girl with a secret, how will these two not-so-strangers learn to trust and fight against an unknown force together?
An AU, where in Ichigo is disabled and is still more hot/sweet than my delicate heart can handle. I have never found another fic like it. Orihime is so sweet I could cry! Drama? Check! Written in 2010, 17 chapters, 52,375 words.

Tainting the Roses Red by Child of the Ashes - Ichigo knew he could be thick headed. He almost always learned things the hard way, but about this, he couldn’t be making mistakes. His hollow was playing a dangerous game, one that somehow involved Inoue.
You might scream. Why is entirely up to you. In which Hichigo starts to surface more frequently as his relationship grows stronger with Orihime, and new faces stir up trouble. Written in 2010, 25 chapters, 107,347 words.

The Pain of Remembrance by halfdemonfan- It was amazing how one memory could change a person’s perspective. Canon to volume 404.
(Or, episode 300) Featuring a somewhat different end to the Aizen fight. We get to see the soft progression of our favorite couples relationship with a twist of Ichigo angst. Written in 2011, 28 chapters, 154,461 words.

The Most Dangerous Things by Child of the Ashes - In which Orihime runs and Ichigo chases.
My smutty love! Child of the Ashes is another notable writer for the Ichihime community. In this, we experience a sex savvy Ichigo frustrated with the sex curious Orihime. Written in 2011, 9 chapters, 31,128 words.

Bakery Department 12 by CoffeeBooks - ABCookies meets it’s end and Orihime finds herself a new position. It’s still a bakery but different from what she’s used to. Will she be able to handle working with the new employee?
Its cute, its light, and Ichigo is only subtle enough for Orihime to not get. Go figure right? Pining Ichigo is the best. Written in 2012, 12 chapters, 22,245 words.

.

Hidden Screams - Star Slightly To The Right - “Kurosaki-san, right? I know you do not know me, but I was wondering if you could help me with something.”
AU. I mentioned this wasn’t in any order, but I suppose I lied. Because this is incomplete, it will be the 11th in this top 10.
This is my all time favorite fic, even if incomplete. Ichigo is so just… bad ass, and that sort of sexy-rough my heart cannot handle it maturely. And Orihime, precious Princess she is, good lord! There are a thousand things I could say for this story, but I’d have to make a separate post for it entirely. You MUST read this one! Written in 2012, currently 20 chapters, 101,428 words, last updated November 10th 2016.