*I wrote this with the sun and mars signs in mind*
Aries: It was a cool summer night. “You’re crazy.” I said as you pulled me towards an abandoned building. “Don’t be scared, I just wanna check it out.” We wandered through the decaying concrete, graffiti on every wall possible. I was so scared but I was trying hard not to lose my cool. After all you were absolutely loving this. There was a loud creak and I jumped, grabbing your arm. “Babe calm down, look at me.” You said soothingly, rubbing my shoulders. We made out there in the middle of the building; in the middle of the night. Your kisses enthralling, and for a moment I forgot about everything else. The creak came again but louder, “Okay, fuck this.” You laughed, grabbing my hand and we ran as fast as we could out of there and into the summer air.
Taurus: It was pitch black, our kisses growing more urgent as you fumbled around trying to undo my buttons. “I can’t see anything.” you chuckled. I sparked my lighter and you looked around for a candle, finding one and lighting it with my flame; never taking your eyes off me. You undid my pants quickly with a smirk on your face and threw them dramatically across the room. Your lips finding mine again, making up for the loss of contact. “You are so fucking hot” you whispered, running your hands down my body, a trace of goosebumps forming on my skin. You pushed in slowly, moaning as you felt my heat. You buried your face in my hair I lost all focus. I just held on for dear life as the candlelight flickered erratically on the ceiling.
Gemini: Your bedroom was covered with so many posters I couldn’t see what colour it was painted. You had not one, but two lava lamps, one purple and one orange. We were laying on your floor, listening to Frank Ocean on vinyl, “Sometimes I think about faking my own death, and leaving the parts I don’t like about myself behind.” you said somberly, drawing lazy circles on my stomach with your finger. “Where would you go?” I asked. You propped your head up, your adorable face flushed purple in the light from the lamp. “Anywhere but here,” you said pulling me even closer, “only as long as I could take you with me though.” I ran my finger across your bottom lip and you bit it, we giggled quietly, then sighed. You kissed me so deeply, like an ocean tide that ebbs and flows. We made love, slow love right there on your bedroom floor. Every now and then, when things are quiet, parts of that night come back in flashes when I close my eyes.
Cancer: Snow had been coming down like crazy all day and everybody was staying inside. We had made the heroic journey to the store to get the bare necessities. Popcorn, paprika Pringles and those fruity toffees. Now we were cuddled in an abundance of duvets and pillows watching Spirited Away. “Are you cold?” you asked softly. “No I’m actually really warm.” I said adjusting the pillows behind me. Your eyes shot around the room, you bit your lip as your gaze landed on me. “What?” I asked when I noticed you staring. You grinned, “I’m kinda cold.” I couldn’t help but laugh as I lifted my blanket and pulled you into my cocoon. Your hand slipped under my shirt as you got comfortable. “Oh my god, your hand is freezing.” I shrieked. “Warm me up then.” you teased as you kissed me gently.
Leo: “You are such a goddamn hypocrite, why are you being so possessive?” I yelled at you. “Because I fucking love you!” you screamed even louder. My eyes shot wide as the words left your mouth. I felt like I was about to faint. Like everything I’d known for the past two months had been wrong. I put my hand on my forehead and slowly sat down on the sofa. “Since when?” I asked warily. You sat down next to me, leaving a little space between us, not wanting to scare me away. “Since the day I met you.” you said more gently. I shook my head in confusion. All these months I’d been crushing on you, telling myself I was a fool for thinking you could ever feel the same. “Look, I should go.” you said standing up, I grabbed your arm quickly and pulled you to me. I kissed you with my eyes open, I didn’t believe it but my eyes couldn’t lie. You picked me up and put me in your lap. “We can’t do this.” I whispered into your neck. You grabbed me even tighter, not ready to let me go. “Tell me to stop,” you breathed kissing down my collarbone, your finger toying with the band of my panties, “just tell me to stop.” Your eyes searched mine for an answer. Your finger inching further, grazing down the lace in front. I moaned into your mouth, giving you the answer you needed. The one we both needed.
Virgo: My phone buzzed next to my laptop. It was almost midnight and my chemistry notes were making less sense than ever. “Hi baby.” I half sighed as I answered. “Where are you?” you asked. “On my bed, what’s up?” I could hear your breathing through the phone, “Nothing, just thinkin’ about you. ‘Bout us.” you said cheekily. I closed my eyes as that familiar lightness hit my stomach. “Oh really, what are we doing?” I teased. You half groaned on the other line, “Thinking about your skin, running my tongue up your spine, and swirling it around your-” Now I was the one who moaned. “Can you come pick me up?” I panted. You laughed, “Thought you’d never ask.”
Libra: It was my first birthday in the new city and I was feeling more homesick than ever. You knocked on my door and told me to get dressed while you poured two shots of tequila. You took me on an adventure, stumbling through a regal museum slightly tipsy. I was laughing at this modern piece, you asked why I didn’t get it, I said the shape was a bit funky. From behind you wrapped your arms around my waist, pressing yourself up against me, “I think it’s a quite stimulating.” you whispered with a sly grin, and my entire body shivered. Then you took me to dinner, your eyes staring into mine the whole time and I could hear my heart beating in my ears. It was like moving between worlds, reality changing from hour to hour. I don’t even remember what we talked about, only what I was feeling. We couldn’t even last until desert, our minds running away from us. As soon as I opened the door to my place your lips crashed onto mine, and for the first time that night I felt like I could breathe.
Scorpio: “Do you wanna wrestle?” I asked you with a wicked grin on my face. “I’m not gonna wrestle you.” You said not taking your eyes of the TV. I jumped on you and the Xbox controller went flying. “You asked for it.” You growled as you started fighting me back. I knew I had no chance, I just wanted to get you all fired up. Before I knew it I was on my back, hands pinned down above my head and your strong thighs straddling my torso. “Who’s the winner?” you demanded. “You’re the winner daddy.” I purred, reaching up and biting your lip. Your expression shifted, your eyes going from that watery blue to devilish dark in a split second, and I knew I was in for a ride.
Sagittarius: It was 3 a.m. I knew I had school in the morning but at this point I didn’t care. Cruising around the city in your parents BMW, the bass in the sound system making our blood vibrate. Like it hadn’t been already. We didn’t say anything, we couldn’t. We couldn’t afford to lose control. Then L$D by A$AP Rocky came on. My hands were shaking in my lap, your knuckles white from squeezing the steering wheel so hard. The engine purred as you drove faster, now with a purpose, pulling into the beach parking lot. The car came to an abrupt stop and I couldn’t take this any longer. You moved your seat back as I jumped over the console. You kissed me like you were drowning and I was air. All that tension finally snapping like firecrackers as the music pumped through our bodies. Your strong arms lifted me up and pushed my dress up my thighs, the windows fogging up. I could feel your biceps trembling under the palm of my hand, and thought how could something that felt so right be so wrong?
Capricorn: The whole day had had a weird, electrifying feel to it. Now I knew why. We were standing out there on the balcony, face to face in the middle of the crowd. “Kiss me.” you said nonchalantly. “You kiss me.” I incited. You took a long drag of the joint, gently pressing your lips to mine as you blew the smoke into my mouth. I just stared back at you, blowing the smoke out again calmly, your fingers still caressing the back of my neck. You almost smiled but stopped it midway by biting your lip. I grabbed your shirt and pulled you to me. I kissed you like it was the last time. You pulled back slightly to catch your breath, “Wanna get out of here?”
Aquarius: The night I first met you. I didn’t wanna go out but my friends convinced me. The bar was so packed but somehow I got to the front of the stage. There you were, and that cherry red guitar, in your own world. I remember I couldn’t take my eyes of your fingers when you played. I didn’t even notice you were looking at me until the song was over. You laughed and playfully tugged on your shirt. I didn’t get why but then I noticed we were both wearing the same Led Zeppelin shirt. When the show was over you found me so quickly I knew you had been watching me. “I feel like this was meant to be.” you said leaning up against the bar. I took you in, your knuckles had little cuts on them and your black jeans were splattered with green paint. “I’m not really in the mood to make friends tonight.” I said, taking a sip of my beer. You ran your hand teasingly through that dirty blonde DiCaprio hair, “How ‘bout we just stay strangers then?” I knew I’d already lost this fight. The next thing I remember is literally falling into your foyer, your lips on my neck as I moaned in your ear. You held me so tight, pulling my shirt up ever so slightly just to put your skin on mine. I pushed you down, taking my shirt all they way off while I straddled your hips, and you looked at me like I had just discovered fire. When it was all over you grabbed my face with both your hands, “What’s your name?” you breathed. I smirked as I put my clothes back on, “I thought we were gonna stay strangers.” I was halfway home when I realized that the shirt I was wearing wasn’t mine, it was yours.
Pisces: The record had finished all the way through. That needle scratch sound from the record player filled the silence in the room. I was in your arms, tangled in bedsheets and your sticky bodyparts. You grazing my back lightly with your fingers. “I need to pee.” I said trying untangle myself limb by limb. Your arms tightened around me, “No, you can’t go.” you pouted. I giggled and wiggled around in your embrace. “I have to pee, I’ll be quick.” You pressed your forehead against mine. “Promise?” you said softly. I pecked your lips three times. “I promise.”
I wouldn’t be sure of that (Connor Murphy x reader smut!)
I am back and with some good old smut! Thank you again for the response on my
first post, it means so much to me!!! Also I got some amazing requests that I
will start working on! Keep sending them in! Also there are some random parts about horses and cults, so just be warned hahaha.
Warnings: smut!!! And some swearing. Also I forgot to write in protection :P,
but if you don’t have protection no horizontal hula!
Sixth period was the definition of boring. The AP US History class was so dull that you had turned to contemplating how many horses it would take to make a horse cult. What was a horse cult? You had no idea, but you were dedicated to finding out during the hell which was called AP History. The only thing you had to look forward to was ‘Spa Day’, or ‘Spa Afternoon,’ with your friends. The monthly tradition was created after your friend Zoe had an unfortunate accident plucking her eyebrows. Let’s just say nobody looks good without eyebrows. After that fateful day you, Zoe, and newfound friend Alana vowed that each month you would all spend time “treating yourselves.” This wonderful tradition switched between the three girl’s houses, and no matter where you were you always managed to laugh the night away, create weird face masks, and leave embarrassing texts to people you were too scared to talk to. This current month signaled that the sleepover would occur at the Murphy’s house, and although her parents were nice it meant running the risk of bumping into Connor. You didn’t have preconceived notions that other people had regarding Connor, but that was just problem. He fascinated you beyond anyone or anything, even more than horse cults. The lanky boy that kept his door closed at all times made you want to be brave, or at least brave enough to talk to him more in depth than you usually had.
You had known Zoe for around a year after changing high schools, and you had become instant friends. Alana had started helping you with your Spanish homework and soon enough all three of you would spend your lunches together filling out quizzes in teen magazines, and confiding in each other. Throughout your year long friendship, you had surprisingly spoken to Connor many times. When the school hallways became too overwhelming you would often wander into the school’s library and sit next to Connor. At first, he was hesitant to talk to you, fearing you were just another mean girl at school, but after some time it seemed as if he actually liked your presence, and that talking to you wasn’t that bad. This small friendship created between the two of you always seemed to sway on the line of flirtation, but no matter how many times you hinted to him that you liked him it always went right over his head. To say that it was frustrating would be the understatement of the year, and you couldn’t just bring it up with Zoe. Sure she was probably your best friend, but why bring anything up if all Connor saw you as was some friend.
“Connor’s going to have to drive us back home today,” Zoe said as you all stood by Alana’s locker while she put away a book. “Wait, why?” you asked while fidgeting with the strap on your backpack. “My mom’s with my aunt today so Connor drove me to school. Don’t worry though he promised me not to be 100% embarrassing,” she answered while reapplying her lip gloss. The three of you started walking towards the front doors of the school which seemed absurdly large. “It doesn’t matter how we get there, besides I bet he wouldn’t mind if we started talking in the car, right Zoe?” piped in Alana. “If that’s what you’re worried about y/n,” Zoe spoke as she slung her arm around you, “it won’t stop us from gossiping. Connor’s used to tuning me out so you can still spill all your secrets.” Alana and Zoe laughed, while your nervous laughter blended in. Together you walked to the school parking lot and looked for the familiar silver minivan that you were used to Zoe’s mom driving. Instead of Zoe’s mom you were used to, you saw Connor leaning against the minivan the family lovingly called “The Beast.” The three of you giggled at the unusual sight, but while Alana and Zoe might have been giggling about how funny it was, you were because of how good Connor looked. He wore his usual black shirt and jeans, but you could see bright yellow socks peeking out from under his jeans. “Uhmm y/n?” Zoe asked laughing. “Oh! Sorry I just kind of zoned for a minute,” Zoe looked at you with a slight smirk but didn’t say anything else as you all got in the car. You sat in the front seat, but only because you got motion sick and nobody wanted you to puke all over the car…again. As soon as Connor started the car Alana started talking a million miles a minute about somebody in here math class who she seemingly liked. You chimed in a few times, but mostly listened and tried to look at Connor without seeming like a stalker. The conversation then shifted to you, forcing you to be pulled back to reality. “What about Shawn? He’s cute, and totally into you!” Alana said shaking her head. “Shawn? I guess he’s cute, but I don’t like him like that at all,” you replied glancing over at Connor who was gripping the steering wheel so hard his knuckles had turned white, or at least whiter. His eyes were intense and he was staring at the road as if he had a personal vendetta against it. “Will you all just shut the fuck up?!” Connor yelled. The car went silent as Alana and Zoe looked at each other in surprise. You on the other hand just stared at Connor. “Are you okay?” you asked quietly. He didn’t respond and instead turned the music in the car up. You quickly glanced in the back seat where Zoe shrugged at you, while Alana tried not to laugh. “Sorry,” she said between giggles, “I laugh in stressful situations.” And with that, the rest of the car ride was filled with Alana laughing on and off and some Bruce Springsteen.
After what felt like hours you arrived at the Murphy house. Zoe, Alana, and you all jumped out of the car and ran upstairs to Zoe’s room where you immediately started painting each other’s nails and failed at Pinterest hacks. Eventually, the sun went down and you all changed into pajamas. By 10’oclock Alana had crashed in her sleeping bag and was snoring what would be an obnoxious amount if you didn’t love her so much. Zoe on the other hand had a habit of saying she wouldn’t fall asleep early, but once again by 10:30 pm she was sound asleep on her bed. Although this might be annoying to others you didn’t really mind since they seemed like they needed sleep, and you never really fell asleep until much later in the night. Tonight seemed like one of those nights where falling asleep seemed impossible, so you decided to wash your face again, hoping that maybe the hot water on your face would make you sleepy. On the way to the bathroom, in what was a very dark hall, you started thinking about horse cults again , and if that could actually be a thing. Not even realizing where you were walking you opened the door at the end of the hallway, but the bathroom wasn’t there. Instead, you open the door to find a dimly lit room with Connor sitting at the end of his bed reading. “What are you doing y/n?” Connor asked looking up at you with confusion written all over his face. “This isn’t the bathroom,” you said trying to laugh it off, “I’m sorry about that. I guess the dark really turned me around.” You smiled at Connor before realizing you were awkwardly standing in his doorway in very short pajama shorts and a tank top with no bra on. “I guess I’ll be leaving now. I don’t want to bother you or anyth-,” “You can stay if you want, but I’m guessing that would annoy Zoe so…” “She’s asleep,” you said quickly, “I mean her and Alana already fell asleep and I have trouble sleeping, so thanks.” You silently cursed at yourself for seeming so desperate, but Connor didn’t seem to mind so you made your way into his room. Connor scooted over on his bed to make space for you. As you sat down you took in what was happening. You were in Connor’s room. Connor. The boy who you’ve silently liked for months, and now you were sitting on his bed. “So,” Connor said as he pulled his hair up into a bun, “you don’t like that Shawn guy?” “What? My gosh no. Why?” you asked aloud. “I guess I was just wondering since he likes you apparently and Alana seems to think you two would be good together or some shit like that.” Now it was Connor’s turn to silently curse at himself. “Well he’s okay, but I’m kind of into someone else, but that’s a little hopeless,” you answered trying not to look Connor in the eyes. “Hopeless?” Connor said as he slowly scooted closer to you. “He doesn’t like me like that,” you answered, actually looking at Connor this time. Your eyes flickered from his lips back to his eyes, and you were quickly aware that you were so close you could kiss him. “I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Connor answered. In a single swoop he moved his mouth to yours and the heat that radiated off of him connected you together. With your lips connected you felt as if the two of you turned into one. All the anxiety of not knowing if you felt the same way slipped away as the rush of your soft lips against his own hit him. The intensity of kissing each other was more than both of you had thought possible, and the way you felt against him was something so incredible that Connor thought no words in the English language could explain it. Maybe it was the passion of the kiss, or maybe it was how intoxicating Connor was, but you wanted more. No, you needed more. With the thrill of Connor’s lips on your own you started to slowly, almost painfully drag Connor’s shirt off. Connor wasn’t as patient as you were and quickly pulled his shirt off lacking any form of grace. You lightly laughed in response but were quickly brought back by the sight of Connor in front of you. He was all you had ever wanted and there he was, with lanky arms, milky white skin, small tufts of chest hair, and he was absolutely stunning. “Can I take your shirt off?” Connor asked with a slight quiver in his voice. You nodded in response as his cold fingers brushed against your sides as he pulled your shirt over your head. Connor took a moment to admire you and every line on your body. You wrapped your arms back around Connor’s neck as he wrapped his around your waist, bringing his hands up to your breasts. His hands were cold, but soft and gentle. You pushed your body against his this time, wanted to be closer to him. A low groan tumbled out of his mouth as you moved to straddle him. Your hands tugged at the hair in his bun, and he bucked forward bringing moans from both of your mouths this time. You quickly pulled away and gently tugged at his pajama pants. In a fluid motion, he flipped you so you were on your back and his arms on either side of you, seemingly protecting you from the outside world. “Are you sure you want to?” Connor asked before going back to your lips. “100% sure,” you replied smiling up at him. “I’ve never really you know…uhmm…I don’t have experience,” he said trying to look you in the eyes. “I don’t care, and we don’t have to do anything,” you said as you pushed a loose strand of hair behind his ears. “I fucking want to, I just wanted you to know,” and with that he brought his lips back to yours. It felt as if all the oxygen was brought back to your body. Suddenly it felt as if there were too many clothes on. You started pulling down his pajama pants and Connor helped as swiftly pull them off and kick them to the floor. With his length free he tugged on your pants. You desperately kicked them off and Connor laughed. Expecting Connor to bring his lips back to yours you closed your eyes. Instead, you felt him slowly kiss down your stomach. Your breath hitched as he got closer and closer to where you felt your heat radiating. With his eyes looking at you he made his way to your core. You gasped and felt yourself grab at the sheets. “I t-t-thought you said you had n-no experience,” you breathed out. “There’s a thing called the internet.” “Thank you internet,” you laughed, “as much fun as this is, I want you…now.” With that permission he brought himself back to you, hovering as you stroked his shaft. “I’d stop that now if I were you, if you ‘want me’,” he said with a shaky voice. You slightly laughed and brought your lips to his once more. The feeling of him on top of you made you feel safe and at home, nothing nerve racking about it, instead it felt right. Connor positioned himself and slowly entered you. Moans slipped from your mouth and you could feel Connor shudder. Even in the moment of so much intimacy you couldn’t help but look at Connor. His eyes squeezed shut, hair tumbling out of the bun, the bucking of his hips that made you believe that there is heaven on earth. With each movement of Connor’s hips against you more and more pleasure surrounded you, and the noises coming from Connor’s mouth were enough to bring you to the edge. With the final thrusts Connor gave, you felt as if your body were on a high, and you knew Connor’s was too with his climax. “My gosh,” he panted, “I think now would be an okay time to say that I like you a lot, shit maybe even love you.” You laughed at Connor’s words, while he dramatically flopped down on the bed next to you. “I like you a lot too. Hell I know I love you,” you spoke as you moved your head onto Connor’s chest. “Good because I was trying to seem cool. I know I love you too.” And with that Connor put his arms around your bare body. “I’m happy we’re on the same page.” You sat up and Connor tried to grab you in his arms. “I’m only putting my pajamas back on so we don’t scar Zoe,” you said trying to find your clothes in the dim light. “Well, I found my shorts.” “Just take my shirt and throw me my pants.” You made your way back to Connor’s bed, half dressed. You got back in his bed and he enveloped you in his arms. “So I guess we’ll have to tell Zoe,” you said with a nervous tinge in your voice. “I don’t think she’ll mind, she’ll just be happy to see you more.” With that you nuzzled your head on his bare chest. “Can I ask you something Connor?” “Anything, I mean you’ve seen me naked, so anything.” “If horses had cults what do you think they would do?” “What the fuck?”
okay listen since the beginning of 2017 i’ve been sensing something really different about dnp and it’s been strangely just .. open. they seem more open to their audience and are allowing us to see more of their lives and it’s adorable ok. shameless flirting left and right i don’t think i’ve ever third wheeled this hard . they’re so much more touchy on camera and have included many things and aspects in their videos that most likely would’ve been cut a few years ago and it’s so endearing that they’d trust us and just continue doing what their doing and having no shame in showing the public how much love and adoration and respect they have for each other. most internet friendships don’t last very long but look at dnp over here defying the odds. very soon it’ll be 10 YEARS of dan and phil together and creating content with each other. you’re gonna come here and tell me that it’ll be 10 years of them being together almost all the time and they’re not in love? i hear all this talk about how they’re best friends so it should be okay blah blah i understand HOWEVER how many best guy friends do you see acting as loving as dan and phil?
tl;dr / dnp are in love and it’s making me emotional
Every Wednesday, Simon and Penny would study together in the library. Every time, after the first hour of studying, Simon would have to take a short break which meant he would go buy coffee for the both of them.
Even though Penny had offered to get them both coffee every once in a while, it was always Simon who would wander into the coffee shop to get it. Penny didn’t even ask anymore. It didn’t matter much for her wether she or Simon got the coffee. So when she started asking again, Simon was at least a bit confused. Though, the question was a bit different this time.
“Can I come along today?” Penny asked as Simon started to gather his things for a trip to the coffee shop.
Simon looked up at her, confused. “Uh, why?”
“Well, because there seems to be a hidden treasure or something in that coffee shop. You’re obsessed with going there. I’ve seen you glancing at the clock to see if it was already an appropriate time to go. I’m just curious about what’s so special about that coffee shop,” She said with a lovely grin on her face.
Simon felt the heath rise to his cheeks. “Right… Uh, of course you can come along.”
As soon and Penny and Simon walked into the coffee shop, Penny felt Simon go tense beside her.
“Simon?” She spoke out in concern, looking at him to see if he was alright. He looked nervous; self-conscious almost. He had his eyes fixed on somewhere that was further back into the coffee shop. Penny followed his gaze to find the barista, who had just looked up, staring back with an incredible grin on his face.
Penny and Simon were nearing the barista and Penny tried to figure it all out. These two knew each other. Of course they did, Simon came here every Wednesday, she thought. Though, this was more. She looked back at Simon and saw his cheeks had reddened. He wasn’t looking at the barista anymore, his eyes were now focused on the ground as they walked to the counter where they would order their coffee. Penny noticed how the corners of Simon’s mouth wobbled up a bit into a small, private smile. When Penny looked at the barista again she saw that he wasn’t looking at Simon anymore either; he was looking down at the counter, grinning to himself.
And then she realized. Oh, Simon, she thought, a smile appearing on her face.
“So this is the mysterious person you always buy your second coffee for?” the barista, who’s name tag said Baz, asked.
“Yeah… This is Penny,” Simon answered.
Baz gave Penny a curious look. “I’m his best friend,” Penny said without any good reason behind it. She just felt like it was something that needed to be clarified. Penny knew it had been the right thing to say when Baz’s eyes lightened up at that information.
“You chose the right best friend when he is willing to buy you a coffee every single week.”
Penny grinned, “Well, I have offered him multiple times to buy the coffee for once, but he never lets me. He always wants to go here himself.”
“Oh?” Baz said, turning his glance to Simon who’s cheeks were bright red. Simon just shrugged.
“Well,” Baz said, “I’m assuming the usual?” He asked, taking in their order. Both Penny and Simon nodded.
“Except,” Penny said, “we’re drinking them here. It’s nice here.”
“But–” Simon said, but Penny shushed him.
“Okay,” Baz said, “you can sit down at one of the tables whilst I’ll get you your coffee.”
Penny looked around the coffee shop as she and Simon sat down at one of the smaller tables. The coffee shop was pretty much empty at this hour. There were a few people scattered around the coffee shop who were working on laptops and there was a couple of two females sitting somewhere near the back who were in deep conversation together.
Penny got distracted by Simon’s fingers tapping nervously on the table. He was watching Baz making their drinks with a fine concentration.
“You like him,” Penny said.
Simon didn’t take his eyes off Baz, he just shrugged and blushed as reaction on Penny’s statement.
“I think he likes you back.”
“Yeah?” Simon asked, his fingers tapping faster now.
“Yes,” Penny said, Baz was now walking towards them with their drinks. Simon quickly looked at Penny.
Baz set down their coffee and a scone.
“Uh, I didn’t order a scone?” Simon said carefully.
“You didn’t, but I saw you eyeing them like you wanted one desperately,” Baz said with a smirk on his face.
Simon looked at Baz with a wide-eyed gaze, then at the scone, then back at Baz. “But–” he began.
“It’s alright, you don’t have to pay for it, I did. Just enjoy your scone,” Baz cut Simon off, looking a bit flustered now too. Penny found herself grinning at the boys. God help them, she thought.
“Uh, thank you… So much,” Simon said with his cheeks bright red.
Baz just nodded, not meeting either of their gazes and off he went, back to his place behind the counter.
“Might I repeat, I think he likes you back,” Penny said delighted. Simon only blushed.
The both of them sat in peace as they sipped their hot drinks and as Simon ate his scone. (More so devoured.) By the time Simon and Penny left the coffee shop, Simon was too flustered to even look at Baz, so Penny said ‘Goodbye’ from the both of them. Though, Baz was not looking at her when he said his goodbye, he was looking at Simon’s hand which was shoving the napkin he got with his scone into his coat pocket.
08:09 PM Simon said ›› Hello, you wrote down your number on the napkin. It is OK that I saved it, right?
08:12 PM Baz said ›› yes, that was the whole idea. hello ;)
08:12 PM Simon said ›› Haha good. Thank you for the scone today, you honestly didn’t have to do that.
18:12 PM Baz said ›› i didn’t have to, but i wanted to.
18:12 PM Simon said ›› I feel like I need to pay you back for it.
18:13 PM Baz said ›› you really don’t have to, though if it makes you feel better we can meet sometime after one of my shifts and you can buy me something.
Y/N: Sorry this one’s kinda short, I just did a little drabble (but it’s longer than a series chapter) let me know if you want a part two maybe and I’ll whip something up ok love you guys!!! And btw some of these requests I’ve been getting lately are super amazing I love em I love you xoxo
Anonymous said: Hi! Can I request a josh dun x reader where they’re at the Grammys and Josh goes with her and he is very happy to show her girlfriend to the world? Please 😁
Staring at yourself in the mirror, you examined your dress, your makeup, your hair, everything about you. You had to look perfect. There would be millions of people watching you, eyes fixed on you, giving you the title of the girlfriend belonging to the one and only Joshua William Dun of Twenty One Pilots. And completely honest, you were not ready at all. Josh was handsome and hot and talented and famous and you were, well, you. Your smile faded away as you looked at yourself in the mirror, trying to take a deep breath and search for that lost self-confidence, closing your eyes and beginning to tell yourself you looked just fine when you felt two arms wrap around you, pressing a soft kiss to the back of your neck before resting on your shoulder and whispering in your ear. “You look absolutely gorgeous, y/n,” Josh murmured quietly before placing a quick kiss on your cheek. “Damn I don’t think I’m going to let you leave the house looking like that.”
“Whatever,” you giggled, turning around and looking up at him, both of you sharing a rather passionate kiss. When you pulled away, you stared into your eyes. “Really? I look okay?”
“Okay?” he raised his eyebrows. “You look absolutely stunning.”
“You sure?” you insisted.
“I swear,” he chuckled. “Gosh, I have to give it to Jenna, you do look really amazing in yellow.” It had been Tyler’s idea for the two of you to wear bright yellow dresses to match Josh’s new hair. While you seemed a little skeptical at first, Jenna insisted, saying it complimented your eyes, and even dragged you out to a shop for the day to go searching for the perfect one for you.
“The dress looks like Belle’s from Beauty and the Beast,” you nodded, twirling around in it once, the fabric flowing around your legs and Josh’s smile grew even wider.
“Exactly,” he grinned. “You’re a princess.”
“More like the beast,” you teased.
“Oh shut up,” he rolled his eyes, pulling you into a huge hug. “I’m not lying when I say you look like the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”
“You’re too kind,” you smirked. “Now come on. Let’s hurry over there and kick butt! I bet you’re going to win more than one!”
“We’re lucky if we win one,” he laughed. “But I agree, we should head over.”
When you were both driving to the venue, you could feel something was off. Josh kept biting his lower lip, knuckles turning white because he was clenching the steering wheel too hard, or constantly darting his eyes around nervously. “You okay, babe?” you raised an eyebrow, placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Huh?” he whipped his head around to look at you when he reached a stop light. “I’m okay.”
“You look nervous as hell,” you softened your eyes.
“I am,” he admitted. “I’m scared to death.”
“Don’t worry,” you soothed. “You look amazing, your music sounds amazing, and you guys are amazing. I know you’ll win.”
“Yeah, but everyone will be staring at me,” he mumbled. “A million eyes all watching me if I go up on that stage. Even if I don’t. I have this bright yellow hair and these gages and-”
“And they’re all tiny reasons that add up to why I love you,” you reminded.
“I feel like I’m going to look like a fool,” Josh whispered. “I mean, I already do in this tuxedo and bowtie.”
“Don’t say that,” you argued. “You look like Prince Charming. Perfect for a princess like me, right?”
“Right,” he smiled. “I just don’t want to mess up.”
“Sometimes I wish I could just punch your anxiety in the face,” you frowned.
“Yeah,” he sighed. “Me too.”
“Look sweetie, you’re going to do absolutely amazing,” you reassured. “And besides, I’ll be right there beside you. Got it?”
“Definitely,” he nodded, turning into a parking spot. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. Gosh, I can’t even believe we got this far.”
“I’m so proud of you guys,” you beamed.
“We’re just two guys from Columbus, Ohio. We were literally just playing in front of handfuls of people in a basement and now we’re selling out Madison Square Garden, being televised nationally, and now we have a chance at winning a Grammy. That’s absolutely insane,” he sighed, parking the car and staring at you. “I don’t even know how it happened.”
“I’m so happy for you,” you kissed him on the lips. “Ready to add another accomplishment to that long list?”
“You bet,” he agreed.
When you arrived, there was already plenty of people there. Luckily, you hadn’t spotted anyone else wearing such a bold shade of yellow, and it made you excited and happy. It wasn’t long before a teenage boy was running up to Josh, huge smile plastered on his face. “Hey, uh, I was wondering if maybe I could get an autograph, please?” he wondered, grinning up at Josh. “I’ve been listening to your music for years. I’m a huge fan.”
“Absolutely,” Josh nodded, receiving the marker and piece of paper he handed him.
“So who’s this lucky lady?” the boy asked.
“Oh, y/n?” Josh laughed, tugging you right at his side and wrapping an arm around your waist. “This is my lovely girlfriend.”
“Sweet,” the boy grinned. “She’s very pretty.”
“Isn’t she?” Josh beamed. “You know, before we came here she was being all flustered acting like she didn’t look good in this dress. Can you believe that?”
“Josh,” you turned red, stifling a chuckle.
“You guys are the perfect couple,” the boy laughed. “Thanks so much for the autograph, Josh.”
“No problem,” he reassured. He ran away happily and you slapped Josh on the arm.
“Why’d you say that?” you joked.
“What? Say that you’re beautiful?” he raised an eyebrow. “Because you are.”
“Flirt,” you smirked. “Come on, let’s go look for Jenna and Tyler.”
“Wait! Joshua Dun!” an interviewer raced up to the two of you, microphone in hand, a camera crew following close behind. “My name is Stacey. I’m a reporter here tonight, I was wondering if you would be open to sharing about the lovely lady you brought with you tonight possibly? She isn’t a familiar face, but she definitely will be remembered after tonight. That’s a lovely dress dear.”
“Thanks,” you blushed.
“This is y/n, she’s my girlfriend,” Josh presented you and thrust out his hands, waving them up and down as if he was selling a product or showing a prize on a gameshow. “She’s the only award I need tonight.”
“How sweet,” Stacey gushed. She shook Josh and your hand and then grinned back at the camera. “Look at these two love birds.”
“Love birds indeed,” he chuckled, giving you a kiss on the cheek. “But I think it’s time for us to fly away now.”
“Oh yes, you two run along. I think Tyler and Jenna are over by the red carpet,” she informed. “Good luck tonight!”
“Thanks so much,” Josh responded, linking his arm with yours and plastering on a smile. “Come on my little chickadee, we’ve got a lot more stuff to do before we win that Grammy.”
“Chickadee?” you giggled. “You’re awfully cheerful now.”
“I’ve got good vibes,” he shrugged. “Oh look! There’s Tyler and Jenna!”
“Where?” your eyes instantly darted around in search of the matching bright yellow, and when you saw her, your face lit up. “Goddammit she looks like a Queen.”
“You look better,” he whispered in your ear with a sly smile as you approached them both. You were about to protest but Josh was already unlinking his arm from yours, engulfing Tyler in a huge hug, and Jenna approached you with a huge grin.
“Oh my goodness gracious, y/n!” Jenna exclaimed. “You look like you just stepped out of a fairy tale, sweetheart.”
“Me?” you laughed. “Look at you!”
“She looks smoking,” you could hear Tyler whisper to Josh. “I could barely breathe when she walked out of the bedroom.”
“I know, same here,” Josh agreed in a low murmur. “She didn’t even notice me staring at her from the doorway. Dude, I was floored.”
“I don’t know but I think we should start doing more of these Grammy things if they’re going to look as hot as this,” Tyler teased.
“Hey!” Jenna snapped, giving him a playful tug on the ear. “You boys should work on your whispering skills. We can hear everything.”
“Then that just means you’ll know how much we think you look so freaking sexy tonight,” Tyler smirked, grabbing her by the hips and pulling her closer. “Right, babe?”
“Sure,” she rolled her eyes, planting her lips on his for a kiss. A couple flashes went off and Josh chuckled.
“Come on guys,” he laughed. “Let’s keep the PDA to a minimum.”
“Shut up,” Tyler narrowed his eyes when he pulled away from the kiss, squeezing Jenna’s hand before letting go. “I bet you guys are going to be all over each other by the time we sit down.”
“It’s the Grammys,” Josh argued. “We have to be well behaved.”
“Well behaved,” Tyler scoffed. “Like that’s something we know how to do.”
“You’re being so silly,” Jenna sighed.
“Just wait until we take our pants off,” Tyler winked. “Then it will get real.”
“What?” you and Jenna both exclaimed at the same time.
“Nothing,” Tyler reassured. “Just a joke.”
“It better be,” Jenna warned.
“Sure…” Josh smirked, leaving both of you curious of what the hell that meant.
Requested by @qtgucci :
Hi! Could you do BTS getting jealous of a guy that is flirting with the reader? Thank you!!”
Keep on requesting babes!
Jin would pout slightly before lust glimmered in his eyes. He would tease you the rest of the night, wanting to teach his babygirl a lesson. His fingertips lightly ghosting over your thighs while the two of you sat at the table.
“Babygirl needs to be taught a lesson? Wearing this revealing dress to seduce all the men?”
“Hmm is this what you wanted? You naughty girl.”
Yoongi would look very unimpressed. He would glare at the guy, but decided not to confront him. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to control himself if he started. He would not be pleased and would give you the cold shoulder. However, once home he would attack you with kisses.
“Do I really not give you enough attention babygirl? Does daddy have to pay more attention?”
“I’m sorry babygirl… Just don’t flirt with other guys.”
Opposed to Hoseok’s usual happy self was swapped for dominant side. He would grip your hand tightly before hauling you away from the flirter. He would lead you to the bathroom, where he would lift you and rest you against the wall; ravaging your neck and collarbone with kisses.
“Moan a little louder baby, so he can hear you and know you’re mine.”
“He wouldn’t be able to make you moan this loud hm?”
Namjoon would be much like Hoseok however, he would wait until you got home. He would grip the steering wheel so hard on the way back that his knuckles turned white. Namjoon would strike down any conversation you tried to start on the way home.He would practically tear your dress off, despite your whining that it was expensive.
“Baby you should have thought of this before you wore this.”
“Mmm I can’t hear your moans. Come on, a little louder.”
Jimin would be slightly offended, that you allowed a guy to hit on you. He would be much like Yoongi, his worries starting to catch up to him. As soon as you got home, he would start to question you on if you felt neglected. The night ended with you two making love (Jimin insisting on you letting him love on your body).
“Babygirl I’m sorry… Can I make it up to you my love?”
“Please let me make it up to you, come on babyyy.”
Taeyung was… needless to say, pissed. He would confront the guy straight away, wrapping an arm around you. He would calmly explain that you were his girlfriend and pretty much told him to back the fuck off. You kind of thought his jealousy was kinda cute and you would reward him later… If you know what I mean ;)
“Baby did I take it too far earlier? I didn’t mean to, he was just. just-”
“Oh babygirl- you don’t have to do all this… But don’t stop please.”
Jungkook would glare at the guy the rest of the night. When he saw the flirter looking he grabbed your face and started kissing you passionatley. You lost your breath and then grab his face and kiss him again. He would giggle cutely, his badboy exterior vanished, and kissed your forehead and pulled you closer.
“Mmm noona, don’t let others flirt with you. I don’t like itttt.”
“Hmmm…maybe we could head back… You are much more interesting than this party.”
A/N: This is for the One Prompt For All Dean Challenge, hosted by the lovely Beka @impala-dreamer This challenge was great, and I’ve been so excited to post this. The prompt is the very first line of the fic. I hope you all like it - and I’d love to hear what you thought, so if you care to drop me a line… I’m curious. :-)
Pairing: Dean x reader
Warnings: Angst, fluff, language, implied smut, unexpected pregnancy, talk of abortion, vomiting, implied canon-typical violence, and I hope I didn’t forget anything.
Word count: ~2700
didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to kill me.”
the toilet, refusing to see the breakfast you had just thrown up.
trying to kill you Y/N?”
Your kid is, you thought as you rested your head back
against the tub and wiped your mouth on the nearest towel.
did you say?”
your head around, meeting Dean’s eyes in the mirror as you frantically tried to
think if you really said it out loud. But his eyes were more amused than
alarmed, so you mustn’t have. What a
Pairing: Jungkook | Reader Genre: ANGST, Fluff and soft Smut Word Count: 19k
He came to
you like the air comes into the train station after the fast arriving of the
fast and unexpected, making you hoist your head to look at the long vehicle and
the people inside. It is so fast you can’t even distinguish the different
train comes to a stop, the wind that it creates plays with your hair, leaving
Jeon Jungkook came into your life.
“I’m so done with this shit,” Paula complained as you climbed down the
escalator. “I don’t have enough time for anything.”
as you adjusted your backpack.
Rachel were one of your best friends at University. The three of you had a lot
in common and you always found something to gossip or laugh about. Since you
met them the first day of uni, two years ago, you knew you were going to love
them. And you did.
suck,” Rae complained, sighing and turning left to go to the platform
where you had to take the train. “They think we don’t have anything to do
besides their own subject.”
they tend to forget about the fact that we have another four fucking
subjects,” you laughed, making Paula and Rae laugh too.
remember feeling happy that afternoon, despite the huge amount of studying you
had to do when you would arrive home. Maybe it was because you had started your
practices at the hospital as a nurse that week, or maybe it was because of the
incredible view you had of the majestic business towers of the centre of Seoul
from the train station. Maybe you were happy because you were with your two
friends laughing and venting about the teachers. Maybe you were just happy.
train made its entrance into the station you remember hearing a loud noise,
basically because it made you jump in your feet.
the fuck?” your murmured, bringing a hand over your chest, where your
heart was beating rapidly.
around to search for the origin of the noise as the wild wind the train created
played with your hair, making it fly all over the place.
managed to put back your rebel strands of hair into place, your eyes landed on
the source of the noise. The loud sound had been made by the hard wheels of a
skate making contact with the ground. Your eyes slowly travelled from the wheels
of the skate up to the boy who was on top of it. His eyes were fixed on his
mobile phone, engrossed in the music that was playing through his headphones.
left breathless as the boy with dark brown hair passed by your side, creating a
new wave of wind that made your hair fly again.
Paula asked, waving a hand in front of you.
and tore your eyes away from the boy, who had stopped a few metres away and had
planted a feet on the skate so it would flip upwards and magically land into
what?” you asked, bating your eyes innocently, waiting for the people to
get off the train so you could get in. Your cheeks turned red as you saw your
two friends looking at you. “What?”
thought I was the indiscreet one,” Rae laughed.
even more when you realised that you hadn’t torn your eyes away from the skater
boy for nearly an entire minute, your eyes cautiously following his every move.
heard a loud noise and I got scared, okay?” you tried to cover yourself
c'mon Y/N. Don’t lie to us, you were eating the boy with your eyes.” Paula
laughed as you stepped into the wagon.
punched her arm. “Like you didn’t get scared because of the noise.”
did, but I didn’t checked the boy as if my life depended on it.” Paula
said, laughing again at you. You took a seat, reminding yourself to be more
discreet the next time.
promise I didn’t do it on purpose, I wasn’t even aware that I was looking at
the boy like that,” you finally said, knowing that your two friends
wouldn’t stop teasing you until you recognised it.
don’t blame you, the boy was hot,” Rae said, shrugging.
of the devil…” Paula said, wiggling her brows, indicating you to look
you did, you blushed again, your eyes meeting the boy’s for the first time as
he took a seat a couple of seats away.
second time that day, you were left breathless as you felt yourself falling
into the depth of his black eyes.
looking at him like that again,”
shit,” you said, tearing your gaze away, even though you knew the boy had
caught you red handed. Well, he was
repeated almost every Thursday since then.
You’d be in
the station, waiting with Rae and Paula for the train to arrive when you would
hear a loud noise. But you wouldn’t get scared anymore, since you already knew
where the noise was coming from - from the hard wheels of the boy’s skate
colliding with the ground. You’d look at him and he would pass looking at his
phone, sometimes with a small smile drawn on his lips, letting you know you had
been caught red handed - again. Paula and Rae would tease you as you stepped
into the train and would tease you even more when the boy took his usual seat a
couple of seats away from yours, always facing you.
step off the train at the same stop you did, and then he would take the same
bus you took. He only lived a couple of blocks away, but you had never seen
him, and you never saw him apart from Thursday’s afternoons.
Thursday afternoon you were exhausted. You had had a really tough day at the
hospital. As an intern you simply had to draw blood or place IVs, but it wasn’t
that easy, especially with the older ones. Just before your turn ended that day, an old
woman who had fallen from a chair had arrived to the emergency floor, you were
the only intern who was available in that moment, so you told Rae and Paula to
go home and not wait for you. When you were going to place the IV into the
woman’s arm, she started moving and tossing around, telling you that she didn’t
want an intern to place her IV. As she was moving, the needle poked her arm and
blood started coming out like crazy. The woman started crying, you started
crying, the nurse started shouting… It was a complete chaos. Finally, she
placed the woman’s IV and sent you home with a scolding face.
being disappointed… You were scared. Scared that maybe being a nurse wasn’t
your thing. But you had drawn blood before, and you had placed more than five IVs,
why did an accident have to determinate how good or bad as a nurse you were?
You were so
stuck into your own world, you even forgot what day it was. So when you heard the
loud sound of the train entering the station mixed with the sound of hard
wheels colliding with hard pavement, you didn’t even flinch.
you kept reading your book and walked closer to the train.
you heard a voice say from behind you, but you kept reading and waiting for the
doors to open.
“My parents danced together, her head on his
chest. Both had their eyes closed. They seemed so perfectly content. If you can
find someone like that, someone who you can hold and close your eyes to the
world with, then you’re lucky. Even if it only lasts for a minute or a day. The
image of them gently swaying to the music is how I picture love in my mind even
after all these years.” You smiled whilere reading one of your favourite parts from The Name of
The Wind by Patrick Rothfuss.
sorry,” the voice said again, this time closer to you, so you lifted your
gaze up from the book and found a couple of dark, doe eyes. “I think you
before you could do anything.
had it, the skater boy close to you, looking at you, speaking to you, waiting
for you to answer him. You snapped when the boy started laughing while he shook
something in front of your face.
I think it’s yours,” he said, the bunny-like smile never leaving his
blushed, realizing that once again you were staring at him, your feet glued to
the floor and your mouth hanging open. You cleared your throat before quickly
composing yourself and looking at the small object the boy was shaking.
you said, softly picking the item from his hands, careful not to touch him if
you didn’t want to die there and then. It was your bookmark. “Oh, yes,
at him, not even daring to look him after what had happened. You stepped into
the train, taking your usual seat by the window, not wanting to look back and
find the boy laughing at you. How could you be so stupid. You had stared at him
like you were some silly teenager staring at her crush.
palmed yourself thinking that the boy would sit on his usual seat instead of
sitting right in front of you. If you thought your cheeks couldn’t get any
redder or hotter, you were wrong.
you looked at the boy as he looked back at you, his smile still drawn in his
you like The Name of The Wind?” he asked.
was spinning , your brain screaming, and you… You just couldn’t believe what
was happening. You turned your head to see if he was talking to somebody else,
but when the train started again you saw nobody was behind you because behind
you was the end of the wagon. Great, Y/N,
just fucking great. You’re embarrassing yourself in front of the boy you have
been crushing on for the past two months.
I… I just…” you stuttered, looking even more ridiculous as your eyes
landed on the boy’s again. You had always been a shy and quiet girl around
people you didn’t know, and even more around boys. An even more around boys you
liked! Can you even like a stranger? “I
like The Name of The Wind, yes.”
that taking a deep breath and trying to calm yourself down would be the best
option. The soft smile the boy dedicated you afterward was so sweet you felt a
little bit more relaxed around him.
have a good taste then,” he said. His voice was as soft as his smile. As
soft as the curve of his nose. As soft as his dark, doe eyes.
I guess…” you murmured. You bite your lower lip, trying not to say
something that would embarrass yourself even more. Maybe the boy was just being
polite towards you and didn’t want to start a conversation.
you read the second one?” he asked, surprising you.
Yeah, I’m just rereading it because I feel like I forget important things about
it,” you said, still a bit surprised that the boy still wanted to talk to
was just bored because his phone had run out of charge and he couldn’t listen
to music so he was talking to you instead. Maybe he was just playing with you
because he knew how you looked at him. Maybe he was pranking you. Maybe Rae and Paula have paid him so he
would finally speak to me. Maybe you’re just being paranoid Y/N.
now that you say it, I have forgotten a lot of things about it too. I should
reread it too,” he simply said. He didn’t seem like one of those boys to
play with girls… But then again, he was just a stranger to you.
you have read it too?” you asked.
and the second one too. I’m just waiting for the author to finish the third
one,” he shrugged and set the skate between his legs.
why I am rereading it. I want to remember everything when the third one comes
out,” you didn’t expect him to like that kind of books, but then again, he
was just a stranger to you.
he said, accommodating himself on his seat, making your knees brush against each other.
You readjusted yourself too so your knees wouldn’t touch, which he noticed. He
smiled again. “He has been ‘writing’ it for six years now, I don’t think
I’ll get to read it,” he said, making quotation marks with his fingers as
he said “writing”.
a bit.“Maybe when he finally publish it we won’t be able to read it
because books won’t exist anymore, because we’ll be in year 2060 and we’ll have
microchips that will insert the words in our heads instead of books,” as
soon as the words left your lips, you face palmed yourself again. This time
mentally, of course. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, it wa-”
God!” he interrupted you, making you blush when he started laughing.
“I’m so happy I’m not the only one that thinks like that!”
you asked, frowning. Were you hearing alright? Were you dreaming? He had to be
a weirdo, because had he been a normal boy, he would have already run away.
Even if the train was still in motion.
thought I was the only one who thought that in less than fifty years there
won’t be any trees left and we will have to use microchips instead of
books,” he simply said, as if it wasn’t weird at all.
pulling my leg, right?” you breathed, making the boy go serious.
why? Are you?” he asked.
not at all,” you blinked a few times, hoping you hadn’t offended him.
“I have a lot of weird theories about the future.”
because I have a lot of weird theories about the future too,” the boy
smiled again and you relaxed.
neither of you knew what to say and you stared at the window, not knowing if the conversation had came to its end or not. You didn’t even have time to open your mouth again.
Jungkook, by the way,” he said, quickly offering you his hand.
what else to do, you awkwardly shook his hand. “Y/N.”
to meet you Y/N,” he smiled. “I see you every Thursday here.”
how your friendship with Jungkook started, over a fallen bookmark and The Name
of The Wind. Just as fast as a train enters into its station.
did what?!” Paula exclaimed, clapping her hands while laughing. You looked
at Rae, she hadn’t said anything because her mouth was hanging open.
you softly pushed Rae’s chin so her mouth wouldn’t be open anymore.
your tits, he just gave me my bookmark,” you said, hoping he wouldn’t be
in that same wagon. But it was Friday, and you never saw him unless it was
He gave you your bookmark and after you embarrassed yourself in front of him,
he still sat in front of you and spoke to you for the rest of the way
home,” Paula said, still shocked about what you had told them.
skater boy talked to you?!” Rae said, leaving her trance behind.
shocked too, okay?” you said, shaking your head and caressing the hard
cover of the book you were holding in your hands: The Name of The Wind.
can’t believe you, he’s so hot,” Paula exclaimed, making you shush her. If
they kept speaking in that loud tone, even Jungkook would hear your
conversation - and he wasn’t even in that train.
I know I’m not the most beautiful girl in the planet, but…” you began to
say, a bit offended by your friends words.
you knew how the World span, how it worked. Boys like him didn’t like girls
like you. You didn’t stand out in the middle of a crowd, while he stood out
everywhere he went. You were in the ordinary side, while he was in the
extraordinary. You were one more straw in the middle of the hay loft, while
Jungkook was the needle. So hard to find, but once you did, you could only see
him in between thousands straws.
that’s not what we’re saying, don’t be stupid,” Rae said as she nudged
Paula on her side. “It just seems taken out of a fanfic or some romantic
as fuck novel.”
wished a boy as hot as…” Paula said, trying to remember the boy’s name.
you smiled, liking how easily his name rolled out off your tongue.
I wished a boy as hot as Jungkook would talk to me,” she said.
started to talk about how lucky you were and how hot Jungkook was, with his
skate and his long bangs nearly covering his eyes and giving him a mysterious
look. How could your stomach churn every
time they mentioned him? You had only spoken to him once, why where you willing
to speak with him a second time?
girls, don’t get my hopes high,” you said as your stop finally came.
“I have only spoken with him once, and we didn’t even exchange our phone
numbers. Maybe he was just being polite with me and really thought I was
you that you were being negative and that getting your hopes high wasn’t a bad
thing at all. You doubted that last part as you stepped out of the train on
your own. Of course getting your hopes high was a bad thing. You had heard
before that hope is one of the most dangerous weapons the human being possesses,
it can destroy cities, countries, it can destroy people.
next Thursday came you felt anxious waiting for the train. Paula and Rae were
chatting animatedly, as always. You’d usually join them, but that day you were
so nervous that you couldn’t do anything
but look towards the stairs from where you knew the loud noise of hard wheels
making contact with the ground would come.
You felt a
bit stupid as the train entered into the station and the skater boy was nowhere
to be seen. You had even applied mascara that day in case you saw Jungkook and
he spoke to you again. You had put on your favourite boyfriend jeans and your
baby blue shirt. You had even painted your lips in a burgundy colour! You
didn’t look like you were trying to impress anyone, but you looked more
feminine than you usually did an you felt dumb for trying to look pretty for a boy you didn’t even know.
looking at the stairs,” Rae whispered. “He’ll appear, he has a
pending conversation with you.”
your head as you walked towards the wagon’s door, tearing your gaze away from
doesn’t have any pending conversation with anyone,” you huffed, stepping
into the train followed by your friends. What if he was avoiding you because he
really thought you were weird?
c'mon Y/N,” Paula protested, sitting in your usual seats. “The boy
spoke to you, he approached to you. There are two options. One: he really likes you and just wants to
get to know you; or two: the boy liked you but you scared him with your stupid
conversation about conspiracy theories.”
you whined, cheering up a bit. “My conspiracy theories are actually
interesting to hear, but you never listen when I tell you about them.”
the doors started closing and your heart speed increased as you heard the
familiar sound. When you turned your head you saw a boy running towards the
wagon’s doors and stepping inside at the last minute.
his breath and pushed softly his dark bangs aside.
lifted his gaze, his eyes found yours and you immediately blushed, but instead
of just looking towards you and then going to his usual seat as he always did,
he smiled towards you and started approaching you.
me you are seeing it too, Paula,” Rae whispered.
I’m seeing it,” Paula said too, both of them observing every single
movement the boy made.
You didn’t know
who was more breathless; Jungkook, from running towards the train, or you,
because that same boy was now seating just next to you and his dark, warm eyes
were burning into yours.
he timidly said, smiling at you. His bunny-like smile made him appear so
innocent, almost like a little kid.
you said, almost sounding bored. Oh, you wanted to face palm yourself again.
“I thought you weren’t going to make it,” you joked, trying to change
the awkward atmosphere a bit, just making it even more uncomfortable as you
heard Paula and Rae’s sighs.
I’m not good with boys, okay?! was what you were whiling to shout.
he laughed, as he laughed every time you said something a bit dumb. “I
thought so too.”
and then looked at your friends, who were looking at the boy with curious eyes.
Jungkook,” he said, introducing himself and leaving the three of you
friends said hi to him and introduced themselves too. The rest of the route was spent talking with Rae, Paula and
Jungkook. About university, about anything and everything at the same time. But
finally, yours and Jungkook’s stop came. You waved goodbye to your friends and
prayed so Jungkook hadn’t seen your friends winking towards you and wiggling
forgot,” he said, opening his backpack and took something out of it.
“I started reading it too.”
you a damaged-looking copy of The Name of The Wind. Its cover was hard, just
like yours, but it was filled with small scratches and cuts. You thought about
his beautiful hands caressing the cover, his curious eyes wandering around the
book’s pages, soaking every little word in.
seems like you take good care of it,” you joked, glancing through the
different pages and seeing that there were some small drawings and notes in
some of them. “You mark your favourite parts?”
I try to mark the most important parts so, whenever I feel like I forget
something important, I can easily find it,” he said as he observed your
hands delicately caressing the pages.
wish I was like that too, but I’m too lazy to always carry a pen with me every
time I read something,” you gave him back his book. “I’m glad I made
you reread it again.”
drew a small smile on his lips as he put the book into his backpack again. He
didn’t even need to show you his white teeth or his bunny smile, all he needed
to do was look at you with those black eyes.
asked you what was the thing that had attracted your attention the most about
Jeon Jungkook, your answer would always be the same: his eyes, adding later how
much life they held and how he could speak through them.
and his bright personality slipped through your bones and into your soul as
fast as the cold slipped through the warm days and cool nights, leading to freezing
days and even colder nights.
At first it
was just his “mysterious boy” look, then it was his eyes, his
personality, his strange laugh, the small crinkles that appeared next to his
eyes every time he laughed so hard he had to grab his stomach so it wouldn’t
hurt anymore. His bunny smile, the small mole he had under his lower lip, his beautiful
hands and how they got red from the cold wind. The small puffs of white air
that slipped through his lips every time he spoke as you waited for the train
everything, from the way he appeared on his skate into the station, to the way
he cracked up every time he scared you, making you jump when he suddenly
appeared next to you.
way he made you laugh with every single dumb thing he said or did, to the silly
way in which he waved towards you each time you said goodbye to each other
every single Thursday.
Rae told you that they had to stay a bit longer at the hospital, but you knew
they just waited until you were gone so they could take the train after yours
and you could be alone with Jungkook. The next day, they would bombard you with
your best friend, someone you could trust and tell everything. He knew when
something was wrong just by looking at you and he wouldn’t stop asking until
you told him what was wrong, whether it was something about university, about
the hospital or about your family. You could tell him about it, and in return
you’d get that beautiful bunny smile and the best funny story you had ever
heard. He always knew how to cheer you up. He trusted you too, in fact, he
trusted you like he had never trusted nobody.
Just his way
of showing you was different from yours.
speak too much about him, you just knew the basics. He had an older brother and
lived with his parents. Every single Thursday he met with his group of friends
at the basketball court that was in the sports centre near the hospital. He
loved reading good books, drinking crappy coffee, listening to good sad music
and he loved his skate.
when you spent your route laughing and talking about stupid things, making
everyone around you look at you, that young couple in the back that were always
making noise and being loud.
when you spent all your route speaking, opening yourselves towards each other.
Speaking about life and more important things like time, dreams, imagination,
happiness, about the future and what you hoped of it… Even thought Jungkook
always said that he lived in the present, and he never thought about the
future, you could see the spark of young dreams every time you spoke about that
routes you loved the most where the ones where you and Jungkook would just sit
next to each other in silence, your eyes, mind and soul immerse in some book
one of you had recommended the other. The one who had recommended it; rereading
it, while the other read it for the first time. You would read it, taking notes
in the pages you had loved the most and the next Thursday you’d share them with
each other, explaining the meaning you had found behind the author’s
Autumn was long gone, and Christmas lights were hung all over the city. You
could hear Christmas carols everywhere and see Christmas trees decorating the
cold Seoul’s streets. Suddenly snow started falling replacing the forgotten
orange, Autumn leaves.
Suddenly Winter came and the holidays came with it. You were having Christmas
dinner with your family and going to Rae’s party on New Year’s Eve. Suddenly
you found yourself wishing a happy New Year through text message to the boy
that had occupied your mind and your every thought since you first saw him.
Suddenly, Winter was gone too, and suddenly, you were in love with Jeon
you!” you said while laughing.
had been sneezing since the moment he greeted you in the station that Spring
Thursday. You had been laughing at him, founding cute how he sniffed after each
sneeze and how his eyes seemed smaller.
not funny, okay?” he said, blowing his nose with a tissue.
“It’s not funny, okay?” you mimicked
him, with a loud, obnoxious tone. “You sounded like the little kid from that
meme. You know, the boy who was-”
know what meme it is,” he interrupted you, blowing his nose again.
couldn’t help but laugh again as you searched for the meme on your phone, just
to show it to him and tease him a bit. He whined, but ignored you as he stepped
into the train, that had already arrived to the station.
stepping into the train, you looked back and took a deep breath, loving how
Spring smelled in Seoul. Sitting next to Jungkook, you took your denim jacket
Spring is beautiful, don’t you think?” you asked, admiring the tall green
trees from behind the train’s window.
Spring is beautiful when you aren’t allergic to everything it creates,” he
the bright pink petals of the cherry trees, your love towards Jungkook had
blossomed too, growing stronger and stronger as days went by. Without realising
it, your love had surrounded you like the cherry blossoms, as beautiful and
breathtaking as them. But you knew cherry blossoms only lasted for a couple of
weeks before they fell down the cherry tree and it was left naked again,
waiting for Spring to arrive again and hit it with its beauty.
dying to get it out of your chest and tell him as Rae and Paula had encouraged
you to do since you told them what you felt for the doe-eyed boy. But you
didn’t have the courage to do so. You tried searching for some answers in the
boy’s eyes, hoping you’d find them like you always did when you looked into his
eyes. Every time you searched for love in those black eyes, you only saw care,
but never love.
Maybe you didn’t know what love looked like.
Maybe you were hoping to see fireworks, flares, anything… Maybe it wasn’t in
his eyes where you had to search for love.
you heard him call your name. He was looking at you with a cocky smile in his
face, just like every time he caught you immerse un your own world.
sorry I didn’t hear you,” you said, your cheeks reddening a bit.
know,” he laughed. “I was about to ask you something, but maybe you
want to keep thinking about what you where thinking.”
because I was thinking about how stupid you are,” you mockingly said.
“But I always have time to think about that, so ask me whatever you were
going to ask me.”
tried hiding his smile as he shook his head. “Well…” suddenly, he
seemed nervous. “My friends and I are going to some club this Saturday
and… Er… They asked me if you wanted to come.”
look at you in the eye as he said so, but you didn’t care, because all you
could think of in that moment was that he was - somehow - asking you to go out
with him. You had only met at the train and you spoke through texts, but you
had never met away from that train station.
you don’t want to come or you have made plans already…” he began to say,
seeing that you hadn’t said a word.
you said, snapping from your trance. Jungkook looked at you frowning and you
smiled. “No as in ‘no, I don’t have made any plans for Saturday
relaxed a bit and his playful smirk returned to his beautiful face. “Not
that you have many plans every Saturday night anyway.”
shut up Jeon,” you whined, hitting him hard in the arm.
don’t know what to wear!” you almost cried as Rae and Paula finished their
go partying that often, that’s why your closet was full of trousers and
oversized jumpers, but not a single dress could be seen in it.
wear a dress and some high heels,” Paula whispered, not paying you much
you for being such a good listener Paula,” you said in a harsh tone.
“I have said that I don’t have any dresses or high heels nearly fifty
relax, you are going to age faster if you don’t calm down,” she said,
still concentrated on her winged eyeliner.
shut up. She’s nervous because she’s going out for the first time with the boy
she likes,” Rae said, approaching you. “Well, the boy she is in love
sighed and sat on the edge of your bed. “If I would have known this I
wouldn’t have asked Jungkook if you two could come.”
listen,” Paula said, finishing her eyeliner. “You’re going to look
beautiful tonight and Jungkook will see what he’s missing.”
speaking as if he had rejected me,” you laughed a bit. “He’s not
missing anything because he doesn’t feel the same.”
won’t never know it if you don’t tell him about your feelings,” Rae
encouraged you. You just stood up from the bed and searched for something to
wear in your closet. You had had that same conversation with your friends
won’t tell him about my feelings, okay? And you won’t either,” you said,
throwing a simple black skater skirt into the bed. “The last thing I want
to lose is his friendship.”
told his friends about you, Y/N!” Paula said. “Wake up, that’s a
signal. He likes you.”
your eyes. You paired the black skirt with a white blouse. “He told his
friends about me because we are
friends. And shut up, you’re always getting my hopes high for nothing.”
dressing yourself quickly, putting a black lace bralette and black matching
panties. You didn’t have much time since you would meet with Jungkook and his
friends at the club at ten and it was already nine.
always say that, but when you first said it Jungkook appeared in the train out
of nowhere and sat beside you,” Paula said, putting on her red stilettos.
the last time you said it, he asked you for your number, so don’t be
pessimistic and just enjoy the night,” Rae said.
knowing they were right. Even if Jungkook didn’t feel the same towards you, you
could still have a fun night out with your best friends and the boy you liked.
was packed when you arrived. Fashionably late, of course. Jungkook had texted
you, letting you know that they were upstairs getting some drinks.
was too loud to hear anything that your friends said as you climbed up the
stairs. When you finally arrived to the bar in which Jungkook had told you that
he was waiting for you with his friends, you saw a group of boys. They were at
least seven, each one of them more handsome than the other. Despite the dim
lights and the dark atmosphere, your recognised him immediately.
approached, taking short, shy steps. Jungkook was with his back facing towards
you, so he didn’t see you approaching them until one of the other boys nudged
his back. Jungkook’s eyes made contact with you, shining under the multi
was drawn on his lips as soon as he saw you, pushing some of his friends so he
could greet you and start introducing you to his friends. They were six other
boys and Jungkook was the youngest of them all. They greeted you with wide
smiles and soft nods of their heads.
even more beautiful than you told us, Jungkookie,” the eldest boy named
blushed, but blushed even more when you saw how flustered Jungkook was. You
didn’t knew if it was because Jin had just called him Jungkookie in front of
you or if it was because Jin had admitted that he had told them you were
beautiful. You just smiled as Jungkook punched Jin in the arm.
the awkward moment, you introduced your friends to the boys, Rae immediately
setting her sights on a quiet boy named Yoongi.
nearly didn’t recognise you,” you told Jungkook, leaning over Jungkook so
he could hear you.
his head to face you, making you gasp at the proximity of your faces. He was
smirking as he looked into your eyes, probably knowing the effect he had on
you. “Yeah? Why?” he said in a playful tone. Even though he was
always comfortable around you and he had never been shy towards you, you saw a
different side of him that night. He was more cocky, more playful with you. You
just blamed the alcohol.
so used to seeing you in those oversized hoodies and sweatpants that I thought
this guy in a white shirt and black trousers wasn’t the Jeon Jungkook I
know,” you said, feeling a bit uncomfortable under his intense gaze.
what Jeon Jungkook you like the most?” he asked, making you blush once
one in oversized hoodies and sweatpants, to be honest,” you said, and when
you saw his eyes widening you explained yourself. “Not that you don’t
look… Interesting in that shirt and
those tight trousers.”
hum?” he hummed, taking a sip from his glass, filled with a dark liquid
you supposed was alcohol. “You are really interesting too in that
skirt,” he said, and as soon as the words left his lips, his eyes widened
again and he took a sip from his glass once more, this time longer. You blushed
and cleared your throat.
I’m going to grab a drink,” you said.
I’ll go with you,” he followed you towards the counter where the barmen
where serving the drinks.
inside of your comfort zone: the train and at first it was a bit difficult for
you both to start a conversation. But as always, you ended up talking and
laughing about everything and anything at the same time.
joined you and all of you ended up taking shots of tequila and screaming so
loud you couldn’t even hear the music anymore. There was a boy that shouted
over the rest, Taehyung. He wasn’t drunk, he was completely wasted, inviting
everyone to do shots and trying to flirt even with Jimin, who always answered
him with “No, Tae, you know my girlfriend and she would kill you.”
night carried on, you were left alone with Jungkook once again. Namjoon
disappeared with Jimin because they were really tired. Jin was with Hoseok
trying to tell random girls bad jokes and make them laugh. Yoongi and Rae where
nowhere to be seen, and Tae and Paula were wasted, dancing on the dance floor.
go to the dance floor?” Jungkook said, slowly since he had to think twice
what he was going to say.
you said, leaving your empty glass on the bar. “But we won’t be dancing
with Paula and Tae, right? I don’t want to be kicked out.”
laughed, but you didn’t hear the beautiful sound of it since the music was
blasting through the speakers. There were so many people, the place was so
packed, that you thought you would lose Jungkook in the crowd. He was following
you, so you stopped a bit to look at him and see if he was still behind you. He
knocked the air out of your lungs when his hand grabbed yours and he lead you
towards the dance floor.
the first time he had grabbed your hand, but it was the first time he intertwined
his fingers with you, the first time you could completely feel his skin against
were in the middle of the dance floor, Jungkook stopped and let go of your
hand. He turned so you were facing each other. You were awkwardly looking at each
other, both with silly smiles on your faces. You smiled widely when you thought
about what someone would think if they looked at you both in that moment.
They’d probably see a boy and a girl whose life had just started, young and
beautiful, falling in love under the lights of the pub. Oh, they’d be so wrong.
he shouted so you could hear his voice above the music.
“Nothing,” you looked at your feet. Jungkook was lazily moving them
to the rhythm.
me,” he pushed you, taking a step towards you, so close to you that your
chest were touching. You were nearly trembling when you lifted your head and
found his eyes, burning into yours with so much force you thought your heart
would burst into flames.
you what?” you teased.
me why you were looking at me with that smile on your face,” he leaned his
face mere inches from yours. He lowered his head a bit so his eyes were right
in front of yours. You bit your lower lip.
started moving along the music. It was as loud as it had been for the rest of
the night, but it had faded into the background as Jungkook smiled and started
dancing too. At first it was just the two of you dancing and joking around,
laughing and touching every once in a while, but with every passing song, your
bodies started getting closer. And suddenly Jungkook’s hands where on your
waist and your hands were seductively playing with your hair.
You saw him
biting his lower lip as he looked down at you, dancing for him, just for his
eyes. You had never felt so sure of yourself or so sexy as you did then, in
that moment, under the burning gaze of the boy you loved. Maybe he wasn’t in
love with you, maybe he didn’t even like you as something more than a simple
friend, but in that moment he wanted you and you could see it in his burning
you felt, the desire in Jungkook’s eyes and the tequila shoots you had behind,
made you feel confident and you moved closer to Jungkook until you could feel
his stomach against yours. You could barely hear anything that wasn’t your
erratic breaths or your heart beat, but you swore you heard a low grunt
escaping from Jungkook’s lips.
were holding you in place, so your bodies would move at the same pace. Your
arms circled his neck until your fingers were playing with his hair.
are we doing?” was all that Jungkook could whisper into your ear as you
danced against him.
dancing,” you said, as innocently as you could.
lying if someone asked you if you desired Jungkook or not and you answered no.
Of course you yearned for him, for his body, for his hands, for his eyes, for
his voice, his soul, heart and everything he could offer to you. And even
though you knew none of that things belonged to you, in that moment you wanted
to believe that yes, Jeon Jungkook was yours and only yours.
temperature escalated, Jungkook pressed you more and more against his body, so
much you could already feel the growing bulge in his pants. You bit your lip.
Were you really getting Jungkook horny?
your answer when he moved his hands a bit lower and, with a bit of force, spun
you so his chest was pressed against your back. His arms circled your waist and
his hands landed on the waistband of your skirt. You couldn’t believe what was
going on as Jungkook’s lips started grazing the skin of your neck. In that
moment you were biting your lip with so much force, you thought it would start
bleeding. You were feeling on cloud nine, closing your eyes and letting
Jungkook’s body lead yours. You intertwined your hands with Jungkook’s, the
touch so intimate you almost believed that what was happening was real.
you knew it wasn’t real. It was a product of two young people, wild hormones
and alcohol, mixed with the loud music and the atmosphere that surrounded you
his name escaped from your lips in a strangled moan when the boy sunk his teeth
in your neck, licking the spot afterwards.
into your ear and whispered something, but you didn’t understood it. You turned
around to face him and ask him what he had said.
me,” he breathed, loud enough for you to hear.
even give you time as he leaned in and his lips touched yours, softly at first,
roughly and passionately as a couple of seconds passed. You followed his lips,
still shocked about what was going on. You closed your eyes and focused every
sense of your on Jungkook and his lips. They felt softer than a marshmallow,
the bottom lip being a little more plump that the upper one. He tasted like
tequila and fireworks - fireworks that were exploding at the same time in the
pitch of your stomach.
escalated quickly and soon, Jungkook’s tongue traced your bottom lip, making
you open your mouth a bit so his tongue could play with yours. Meanwhile, his
hands kept you pressed against him as he grabbed you by the waist.
two, three… Maybe seven songs passed and you were still kissing, pouring
yourselves into the kiss, without any care about what was going on around you.
felt breathless for the hundredth time, you pulled away as Jungkook’s teeth
bite your bottom lip. You opened your eyes to fin Jungkook’s eyes already on
you. His lips were plum and red, and his eyes wilder than you had ever seen
him. Oh God, he was so beautiful and so young, and you were so in love with
live ten minutes away from here,” is all you could say in that moment.
“Just a few blocks away.”
looked intensely into your eyes. “Are you sure you want this?”
your lip while looking at him. He sure wanted that, you could see and feel it. But… Did you want it? Of
course you wanted it, but you didn’t know if you’d feel the same the next
morning. You already were too head over heels in love with Jungkook, but maybe
if you took that next step there would be no turning back. All of your thoughts
were summarized in one soft nod of your head.
all Jungkook needed to grab your hand and drag you out of the club. As soon as
you were outside, he kissed you fiercely again.
ran towards you house, the ten minutes walk being the longest in your life. As
soon as the door of you small shared apartment was open, Jungkook nearly pushed
you inside, his mouth being all over yours once again. Your roommate was
visiting her parents that weekend, so you were lucky you had the house all to
when Jungkook led you towards the wrong room, nearly tripping when you told him
it was your roommate’s room.
kisses, bites, moans, laughs and silly jokes you finally finished undressing
one another. Jungkook climbed over you, your back pressed against your soft
white sheets. You looked at him, looking like a prince to you, hovering above
you under the moonlight that slipped through the window. His obsidian hair
falling into his eyes, casting shadows all over his face, making his lips look
plumper, his eyes darker and his jawline sharper.
was art, a piece of the finest carved marble. There was no flaw in his body or
his face. You could look at him all day and you would still not get tired of
it. You could have spent hours observing every little mole that adorned his
body like constellations adorn the sky. From the mole he had under his bottom
lip, to the one he had on his neck, and ending in the round mole just next to
his belly button.
nothings into your ears, planting passionate kisses all over your body, leaving
his mark in your neck, caressing every curve of your body with his fingertips
as if he wanted to always remember it - as if he was afraid he would forget
about the curve of your hips, your legs, your breasts, your collarbones, your
cheekbones or your lips - he made love to you that night.
His way of
pushing softly into you at first and roughly afterwards drove you crazy. He
spoke with his body that night. With his face, his hands, his fingertips. With
every touch, he told you a million things he couldn’t voice out - a million
things he wouldn’t voice out. With
every whisper, he let you know how much he was enjoying fucking you. With every
moan he let you know how good you made him feel. With every push of his body
into you, he let you know how much he had been fantasizing about your body
pressed against him.
that making love to you would be a turning point in your relationship, that he
had not only let you see him naked, but he had let you see him completely naked. Body and soul. You
were different, he felt it in the way he reacted towards you. Maybe you’d be
the only constant in his life. Maybe you’d be the one that stays in his mind
You woke up
to the sun high up in the sky, hitting your naked skin. You woke up to the
sound of soft snores beside you.
a couple of times, lazily batting your eyelashes so your eyes could adjust to
the light that filled your room that Spring morning. Turning around you found
Jungkook, asleep by your side, his arm hanging lazily over your waist.
sweating, hair sticking to his forehead. With a soft smile drawn on your lips
and careful not to wake him up, you moved away the dark strands of hair. But
you failed in your attempt of not waking him up as he stirred and growled.
travelled then to his forehead, the side of his nose, until you finally placed
it over his cheek.
anxiety took over you as Jungkook started opening his eyes, slowly at first and
then all at once. What if he regretted last night? What if he just wanted to be
your friend? What if he was just drunk?
at you when he finally opened his eyes, observing every inch of your face.
Slowly, he traced his eyes over your lips, your chin, your nose and they
finally landed in your eyes. You remained silent, your hand placed over his
cheek, not knowing what to do.
in the boy that was lying in your bed, naked next to you, snapped as he frowned
and quickly got away from you. Your hand fell lifelessly onto the bed, just as
fast as your heart feel and shattered too.
What am I doing here?” he asked, with a raspy voice, standing up from your
bed, blushing when he saw he was naked. “What the fuck?”
your tears away a couple of times before you felt too naked under Jungkook’s
gaze and you covered your body with your sheets. You sat yourself up in bed.
Without looking at you twice, Jungkook had started dressing himself.
Jungkook… I… We…” you stuttered.
he sounded confused. He put on his shirt and brushed his hair with his fingers.
“Why do you even know my name? I mean… I’m sure I’ve never seen you
You saw it
in his eyes. It was there. Emptiness. Nothing. You saw nothing in his eyes as
he looked at you.
you blinked a couple of times, confused, angry, humiliated, heartbroken… All
at once. “How dare you say that you have never seen me before?”
picked up his phone and his wallet before stuffing them into the pockets of his
jeans. He really looked confused.
I don’t know how I ended up here but-” he said, sounding angry too. Why
was he even angry. You had been the rejected one there. “But I’m sure it
was fun and well… Thank you.”
you?!” you nearly shouted. “What the fuck Jungkook? You’re kidding
me, right? You’re fucking thanking me as if I was a whore!”
that was in front of you wasn’t Jungkook. He looked like Jungkook, but he
definitely wasn’t him. Those empty eyes, looking at them just made you sick.
I gotta go,” was what he said before looking at you one last time and
grabbing the doorknob to open your bedroom door.
you screamed, wanting to go after him, but your body felt somehow stuck to the
mattress of your bed.
later you felt the front door close and your tears run down your cheeks. You
had hoped Jungkook would stay, you had hoped that maybe he would whisper a
“good morning” to you and then make love to you again as he did the
night before. You hoped you two would stay in your bed forever, letting the
sunrays warm your skin. You hoped.
never someone that regretted what they had done. If you did something, then
you’d take the consequences that came with it.
regretted sleeping with Jungkook.
regretted it all, from the moment he stepped off of your apartment pretending
he didn’t even knew you to the moment you texted him, saying that you could act
as if nothing had happened, and the text was never delivered - meaning that he
had blocked your number.
reaching out to him, looking for him at the train station, even at the sports
centre. He was nowhere to be seen. You missed the noise of his skate colliding
with the floor, you missed the way he always went pass you as if he hadn’t seen
you. You missed your conversations, his laugh, his eyes. You thought about look
for him at his house, but you realised you barely knew anything about him,
other than he loved reading, skating and making you laugh.
you were sad, you blamed yourself for what had happened. If you had been able
to contain yourself, it would have only been two drunk friends kissing at a
pub. Maybe Jungkook would still speak to you then. It didn’t feel the same
stepping into the train on your own, looking at the cherry blossoms or simply
stepping off the bus.
sadness turned into anger as Spring slowly turned into Summer. You started
blaming Jungkook instead of yourself. If he hadn’t wanted to sleep with you, he
could have stopped you. Or he simply could have contained himself and not have
dragged you out of the club and towards your house. And he even pretended he
didn’t know you and that he didn’t remember anything! What a fucking coward.
turned into nothing as your final exams came and you needed all of your brain
focused on one thing: studying. You buried yourself in books and notes, the
uni’s library becoming your second home. Reading and writing also helped you
with the J thing. You had became so pathetic you couldn’t even say his entire
at the hospital helped you with that too, but each time you had to take the
train and go to the station, you panicked, thinking that maybe he would be
there, with his skate or his book. With his oversized hoodie or his brown
beanie. But he would never be there.
ended and you only had a week left at the hospital before summer holidays
are you going?” Rae asked you, absentmindedly playing with his hair.
I think I might visit my family,” you said. Since your family lived in
another country and you had moved to Seoul with your parents when you were
little, you barely saw them. You and your parents usually visited them every
summer. “And you?”
you had finished practice at the hospital earlier, so the train station was
almost empty, except for the three of you and some more people.
friends had been trying to distract you every time they accompanied you to the
train station, since they didn’t want you to look around searching for
Jungkook. You spoke about ordinary things, too ordinary and boring.
train came into the station, you lifted your eyes up from the floor. What you
saw, almost made you fall to the ground.
wide, black eyes were staring at you from a couple of metres away. He looked as
surprised as you to see you there. A sudden wave of anger shook your body and
you had to contain yourself not run towards him and slap him in the face with
all the force you had.
your gaze away from his as if his eyes burned you. But it was true, they burned
you. Paula and Rae had seen him too, so they followed you into the train
without saying a word.
conversation about what you’d be doing that summer continued, your friends
trying to distract you somehow, but your mind was somewhere else. You were sure
you were red from anger. Not only did he dare to look at you with puppy eyes,
as if he was the one hurting there, as if he hadn’t been avoiding you for two
months. He dared to sit on his usual seat, just a couple of metres away from
you, in the same wagon you were.
looking out of the window, with that impassible face, avoiding to look towards
you. But you couldn’t avoid him, no when you suddenly remembered how his lips
felt against yours, how his hands traced every curve of your body, how his eyes
looked at you that night as if you were a piece of art. No when all you could
think about was he sleeping next to you, pulling you closer to him.
Paula said as you stood up from your seat, leaving your bag there. “Y/N,
where are you going?” she whispered, already knowing where you were
You sat in
front of Jungkook, making him look at you.
you said, putting on a fake smile. “Do you remember who I am or are you
going to pretend that you don’t know me once again?”
For a brief
moment, your swore you saw hurt in his eyes, even regret, but his impassible
facade was still there. You were being cruel, but he had been cruel too for the
past two months.
and readjusted himself in his seat. You frowned as you didn’t see his skate
with him. He always carried his skate with him. “I don’t know what you’re
weren’t for the anger you had felt in that moment, that blinded you completely,
maybe you would have seen the tired look in his eyes, covered behind the cold
facade he was putting on. Maybe you’d have seen that he had lost weight, that
he had bags under his eyes, that his hair was longer than usual and maybe you’d
have found the reason why he hadn’t brought his skate with him. If you hadn’t
been seeing red in that moment, you’d have seen him fidgeting with the hem of
his hoodie. You would have even found strange that he was wearing a hoodie in
I didn’t expect such an elaborate answer from you,” you said, anger
filling every single word.
and just looked away from you, towards the window. The once cherry trees
covered in pink cherry blossoms were naked then, just normal green leaves
making it look like an ordinary tree.
don’t know, Y/N. What the fuck do you want me to say?” he spat, finally
looking at you. “Do you want me to tell you the truth and hurt you, or do
you want me to keep avoiding you and save you the heartbreak?”
you hadn’t been that angry and selfish, you would have found the double meaning
behind his words.
you laughed sarcastically. “You? Saving me the heartbreak?” you
looked at him, throwing daggers towards him with your eyes. “You can’t
save the heartbreak to someone who is already heartbroken, so go ahead.”
and took a deep breath before speaking again. “What happened that
night…” he made a pause for a brief moment. “We had fun, that’s
all?” you repeated. “Oh, that’s all, yes,” you laughed
sarcastically again. “That’s all you have to say to me after two months?
That we had fun and that’s all?”
what do you want me to say?” he said, raising his voice a bit. You both
were trying to speak in a normal tone so the rest of the wagon wouldn’t hear
your conversation. “You wanted the truth? That’s the truth. I slept with
you, I can’t get anything else from you.”
the last words you were expecting to hear. You thought your heart was already
broken, that’s why you didn’t expect to feel such a pain in your chest as the
boy you loved told you what you knew but you never wanted to see. You were
nothing for him.
your mouth, trying to say something, but you couldn’t. Don’t, Y/N. You breathed as you closed your eyes, and when you
opened them again to found those black eyes looking directly at you, you
gathered the courage to speak. “You just wanted to fuck me?”
looked at you, as if wanting to tell you something else. But he didn’t.
“I’m not the guy you thought I was.”
definitely aren’t,” you said, standing up from your seat.
shouldn’t have trusted me, you don’t know anything about me other than random
insignificant things,” he said, looking away from you.
right…” you whispered, your eyes glued to your hands as you kept playing
with your t-shirt. You gulped. You didn’t want it to end like that, but you
didn’t want anything from him either, so you just walked away.
your seat next to Paula and Rae, who had been eyeing you the entire time. You
told them you didn’t want to talk about it and when the train stopped in the
next station, Jungkook gathered his things and stepped off the train without
looking back again. You felt a pang of hurt in your chest and you had to
swallow your own tears. You’d get over him.
holidays began, days were longer and nights shorter. Stars shone brighter
than ever that warm summer. But not for
you, since you spent nearly every night thinking about him, your heart
shattered into pieces all over the place.
supposed to be travelling with your parents to visit your family, but since
being in Seoul reminded you of him, you
flew home a month earlier than your parents.
your grandparents, helping them around and playing with your little cousins
helped you a bit. Until one day, one of your cousins - the one that had
eighteen years old - told you he had started reading The Name of The Wind, and
Jungkook came crashing into your mind again. When would it stop?
started reminding you of him at home too, and forgetting him was starting to
feel like an impossible mission. So instead of trying to forget him, you simply
pushed the memory of him to the back of your head.
By the end
of summer, Jungkook was something you had locked in a hidden place you didn’t
even know it existed, or you just simply ignored it.
uni again and seeing your friends again made you incredibly happy.
Just as a
new season started, your routine did too. You couldn’t wait for cherry trees to
blossom again, but you loved the colours of Seoul’s autumn too. After
starting your internship at the hospital again, Seoul became your home once more.
You were always doing something, always listening to music, reading or going
out with your friends, filling those empty gaps that could give you time to
didn’t really know you, would say that you had changed, that you had become a
more mature and serious person. In a way, you did, you changed. But you were
still the same. Still the same stupid, naive girl who fell in love with a boy
she met at the train station on a Thursday evening. The same girl who fell in
love over a fallen bookmark and an unfinished book saga. That same girl that
got her heart broken and fixed piece by piece over time.
and after that, you have to visit Mr. Choi and check his glucose,” the
nurse told you, writing something in a paper.
being a hectic day at the hospital. Two car accidents, one of them a bus filled
with teenagers. As one of the intern nurses you were left out of the action and
you just had to check the hospitalized patients.
you gathered your things and did your tasks, chatting with the people that you
already knew because they had been hospitalized before summer began.
As you were
heading to Mr. Choi’s room you stayed paralysed in the middle of the corridor.
that escaped from the door right in front of you slipped into your bones,
suddenly breaking the wall you had built in a remote part of yourself, hiding
behind it the name of the boy your heart still yearned for. You felt like you
were going to collapse on the floor right then and there.
even thinking, your hand grabbed the doorknob of the white door. The nurse
would kill you for not following your schedule, but you had to know if he was
there. You suddenly needed to see him, despite the hurtful words he directed
towards you the last time you saw him. Your heart still ached at the sound, so
pure and vibrant it made your heart beat faster.
you’d see him sitting on the visitor’s chairs, but what you saw left you
completely breathless. It was funny because, every single time you saw him, he
somehow made you feel breathless.
recognised the person that was sitting on the visitor’s chair, but it wasn’t
Jungkook. Jimin stared at you, wide eyes and open mouth, his laugh dying and
evaporating in the air. Then, with jaw clenched and tear-filled eyes, you
looked at the boy that was lying back in the hospital bed. Jungkook looked as breathless
as you did, but for obvious different reasons.
moment, you saw what you hadn’t seen that Thursday’s afternoon, in the wagon of
the train, just before summer began. You saw it all. You saw his tired eyes,
his dark, dishevelled hair. His pale skin, the bags under his eyes that
contrasted with the soft skin of his beautiful face. You saw he had lost
weight, his wide shoulders seeming smaller and hunched.
You felt a
wave of feelings of all kind hit your body, the force of the impact making hot
tears roll down your cheeks.
frowned, your hand still over the doorknob. You didn’t know what to do, what to
say or simply… What to feel. So you just stepped back and closed the door
again as if you had never stepped into that room.
you heard Jungkook calling out for you from the other side of the closed door.
dried your tears with the back of your hand, you started running down the
corridor, ignoring everyone that was looking at you with confused eyes, and ignoring
Jimin, who was running towards you, calling out your name.
Mr. Choi’s room, you closed the door behind you and took a deep breath. You
felt safe there, away from Jimin and Jungkook.
wrong, honey?” the old man asked you with a sweet voice. He was one of
those people that had been hospitalized before summer started, so you already
knew the man and you really cared about him.
breathing normally again as you told him that nothing was wrong, just that you
had a lot of things to do that morning and you couldn’t risk being late. You
checked Mr. Choi’s glucose and chatted a bit with him. His wife would be
visiting him soon, so you said goodbye to him and promised that you’d say
goodbye again that afternoon before going home.
a voice called out your name again as you stepped out of Mr. Choi’s room. Jimin
had been waiting for you outside, his back resting against the opposite wall.
him as you kept walking along the corridor.
Y/N, wait,” he pleaded. You stopped so abruptly he almost bumped against
your back. Your head was still spinning and you were mad at Jungkook, not
Jimin, so you would at least hear what he wanted to tell you.
you said, turning around so you could face him.
only seen him one night, but you were sure that night he didn’t look half as
tired and devastated as he did then, in the middle of that corridor.
Hey,” he softly smiled. “How have you been?”
frowned. “I’ve been doing fine,” was all you answered, narrowing your
eyes towards Jimin. His hair was no longer a pink shade. You nearly smiled as
you remembered how his pink hair had reminded you of the cherry blossoms the
night you met him. You nearly smiled as you remembered how his, now chestnut
hair, reminded you of the brown, dead leaves that fell from the trees in
happy to hear that,” he said. He was looking at your eyes, looking calm
and relaxed, but he was nervous, you could see it in the way he was playing
with his grey jumper. “Please, you need to speak with Jungkook.”
You spoke with Jungkook four months ago, and he already told you everything you needed to
hear. “Sorry, I have things to do. Bye, Jimin, it was nice seeing you.”
around, but a hand kept you from walking away. That same hand forced you to
turn around again, softly. “Please, you’re the only one that can make him
change his mind.”
Change his mind about what?” you frowned. You hadn’t even given yourself
time to think about everything. About why was Jungkook at the hospital.
to him, please,” Jimin pleaded you a last time.
into his eyes for some more before nodding with your head. You were just going
to talk to him, then you’d follow the rest of your schedule.
Jimin said, suddenly embracing you in a tight hug. “Talk to him, talk to
Jungkook,” he broke the hug with what you thought were tears in his eyes. He
disappeared from the corridor and you were left alone.
walking towards Jungkook’s room. You stayed there, in front of his door for almost
five minutes, just thinking. What would you feel when you saw him from up close
once again? Why Jimin wanted you to talk to him? What was he going to tell you?
Why was he at the hospital? And… What ‘you’re then only one that can make him
change his mind’ meant?
on the door before opening and finding Jungkook’s eyes again. You doubted for a
moment, not daring to step into the room.
in, please,” Jungkook said, his voice softer than you ever remembered it.
and closed the door behind your back. You kept your back pressed against the
shiny material of the door. Your eyes examined Jungkook, and his eyes took
their time to examine you too.
here I am,” you said, hoping he would tell you already what was going on.
Why he suddenly wanted to talk to you.
he looked around him, his facial expression changed as his eyes landed on the
different devices that were connected to his body. His eyes closed for a moment
but when he opened them again, they found you immediately. “How are
and crossed your arms over your chest. “I’m fine,” you said, in a
monotone voice. You didn’t want to sound rude, but after all those months
waiting for something to happen…
you still an intern?” he asked.
you answered. He asked you a couple more questions about your life, you giving
him the same answers: yes or no. “Jungkook, I’m not here so you can ask me questions.”
he murmured. “I just wanted to speak with you for a bit. To know how you
have been doing.”
you told me that after fucking me you couldn’t get anything else from me, so I
don’t get why you want to know about me all of a sudden,” you said as
Jungkook flinched at your harsh words.
say that, please,” he pleaded, closing his eyes again.
just telling you what you told me,” you shrugged, your eyes never leaving
didn’t mean it, I was just trying to distance you from me,” he sighed.
you were trying to distance me from you because you had already gotten
everything you wanted from me, right?” you said, sounding cruel, pouring
everything that had been eating you up from the past months in your harsh
say that!” Jungkook raised his voice. “I didn’t mean it!”
why did you say that, then?” you raised your voice too. “You knew I
was in love with you. Why did you do that to me then, Jungkook?” you
paused yourself so you could catch your breath. You waited for Jungkook to say
something, but he just stayed there. “Why are you here?”
eyes looked at the window instead of you. He had been delaying that moment,
thas question, since you entered in the room. In that moment, you knew. But you
waited for him to answer anyway.
he began to say, his eyes fixed in something else. Maybe the blue sky, so clear
you couldn’t see a single cloud in it. Maybe the sun, shinning bright above
you, its rays entering into the room. “I’m ill. I’ve always been ill but
lately it has gotten worse.”
It all was
a paradox, a cruel and beautiful paradox. The sun was shining, the weather was
clearer than ever, but it all somehow stopped at the other side of the window
that separated the small hospital room from the outside. Yes, the rays of sun
entered into the room, but the energy and happiness that came with them didn’t.
How can you feel energetic and happy when the boy you’re helplessly in love
with tells you he’s ill? The world outside of that room carried on, but your
world stopped in that moment, in that hospital room.
It was one
of the most beautiful autumn days you had ever seen, and yet it became one of
the saddest days of your life.
you knew that Jungkook wasn’t okay since the moment you stepped into that room,
but your silly and naive mind still hoped that he was there because he broke
his leg skating or because he just had an appendicitis.
left breathless. He, somehow, always left you breathless.
How ill?” you stupidly asked.
swallowed harshly, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “I’m just ill,
that’s all you need to know for now,” he looked at you again, his eyes
finally leaving that outside world and stepping into your own world. When his
eyes widened, you realised you were crying. He wasn’t just ill. “Don’t
cry, please. Come over here Y/N.”
your head no, but you still approached him until you were at the feet of his
always been ill?” you asked, sniffling as you tried to calm yourself. He
nodded. “You knew this when we met?” you asked. He nodded. “Why
didn’t you tell me?!”
flinched a bit when you raised your voice. “I just… I just saw how happy
and bright you were and I didn’t want to change that.”
frowned, you waved your hands all over the place as you spoke. “And do you
think I was going to be bright and happy when I found out by myself?!”
“Okay, no, I didn’t think about that…”
your head again and then rested it in between your hands, trying to assimilate
everything. “I just need to set it all in…” you sighed.
you felt a hand against your shoulder, hesitant. Your head snapped up, and you
gasped when you saw how close Jungkook was from you. A device started beeping
as it had detached from Jungkook’s body.
no, no, lay down, please,” you urged him, gently grabbing his cold hand
and placing it next to him, over the bed. You connected the device again to
Jungkook’s body, avoiding eye contact with him.
don’t want you to cry,” he whispered, sounding out of breath for the mere
effort he had done of sitting himself up.
don’t want you to get even worse. I won’t cry, I swear, but don’t move,
please,” your voice was softer than before. Even after you connected the
device to Jungkook’s body, your hand was still caressing the skin of his
collarbone. He noticed and tensed up a bit, which you misunderstood and took a
step back, separating your skin from his. “Tell me everything, I want to
he repeated, as if making sure you wanted that.
remaining by his side, but not touching him.
have an odd brain disease. It’s like Alzheimer, but different at the same time.
My neural connections die a hundred times faster than yours, or even than the
neural connections of a person with Alzheimer,” he couldn’t look at you in
the eye. “My brain forgot about everything every week. Every Thursday I
was like a blank piece of paper… Until my parents found out about an
experimental treatment that helped neural connections reestablish themselves
for a limited time. It worked for me, so every Thursday I had to go to the
hospital to take that treatment… It was like chemo, but worst. It made me
want to throw up, it made me forget
about everything and then remember everything the next second, and the feeling
was so strong it left me breathless and weak.”
why I saw you every single Thursday at the station,” you murmured.
“You came from the hospital, not from the sports centre.”
“I’ve been coming to this hospital to take my treatment since I was five.
My parents and I moved to our neighbourhood so we could be relatively close to
the hospital and so I could ‘have a normal live’” he smiled. You saw the
sadness in his smile. The raw emotions of a boy that had been deprived of his
childhood. You imagined a little Jungkook, sat in a room like this on his own,
everything too white and boring for the happy and energetic boy with the bunny
smile. “I come here every Thursday to remember what happened that week,
and the week before. I come here so my brain can act like the brain of a normal
person would, at least for one week more.”
never heard about this,” you frowned, trying to settle all the
because just a handful of doctors and nurses know about it. It still is an
experimental treatment after all,” he smiled again, and you hated him for
it. Why was he trying to comfort you while he was the one who needed comfort?
“I’ve known the perks and the risks of this all my life… Or at least I
thought I knew all of them until last year. My body doesn’t react to the
treatment as it did anymore. Each time, the doctors increased the dose, I felt
worst and it worked less.”
absentmindedly approached your hands towards his. You intertwined your fingers,
letting your warm skin heat up his cold one.
then I entered one Thursday into the station, it was an ordinary Thursday, just
like the rest. But that Thursday I found a bookmark lying on the floor and it
turns out that it belonged to the girl that always got scared each time I threw
my skate onto the floor. And you know what? Each Thursday, I threw it even
harder to the floor so that girl would look at me and then she’d get all
flustered when I would caught her looking at me,” he said, his voice soft
as he told you the story.
sniffled again. “Let me guess… That girl was wearing a grey jumper and
I don’t know, I forget things, remember?” he said before laughing loudly
at his bad joke, you smiled softly, wondering how he could still smile when he
was going through one of the darkest moments of his life.
shouldn’t joke about this,” you sounded serious, and you were.
I just… I accepted what I have a long time ago. I sometimes forget that
people around me can be hurt by my jokes about it. Sorry,” he looked at
you in the eyes and wondered how your eyes could still bright up his world,
even if they were covered in tears, red and puffy.
Your eyes were what caught his attention first, they way he could read you like
an open book through them. Even in the beginning of your relationship, he could
see your soul through them, so pure and so untouched, that he immediately was
bewitched by it.
didn’t seem to have any intentions of speaking, he continued with it.
first you were that girl I spoke with in the train, that girl that somehow made
me enjoy Thursdays a bit. And by winter, you were the girl that made me wish that
it’d be Thursday as soon as possible every single week,” he smiled and
looked at your intertwined fingers. “I would always replay your face and
our conversations in my mind so I wouldn’t forget about you, I would even write
it all down in a piece of paper, but at the end of the week, you’d be a mere
few paragraphs written in my notebook. Like the rest of my life,” he
swallowed, his eyes never leaving your fingers. A shiver run down your spine
when his fingers started caressing yours.
You knew how I felt towards you?” you asked.
He took a
deep breath. “I could see it in your eyes every single Thursday.”
that night…” you began to say, referring to that awful night. If you
could go back in time…
your previous words, Jungkook sat himself up in the bed.
I told yo-” you scolded him, trying to move away your hands from his. He
didn’t let you. He had let you go once, he wouldn´t make the same mistake twice.
night,” he interrupted you. “That night I felt everything I
were drunk, I was drunk… You told me it had been fun but nothing else, at
least for you,” you whispered, your face inches from his.
wasn’t drunk, I cannot drink while I’m taking the treatment. And you say you’re
a nurse?” he smiled. It was one of his sweet smiles.
But I saw you take the tequila shots a… And you were drinking and you… You
looked like you were drunk,” you babbled, trying to remember that night.
drinking coke, yeah. And I didn’t take the shots, but you were so occupied
taking yours that you didn’t even notice,” he said. You looked so cute,
looking at your intertwined fingers, your cheeks a beautiful shade that
reminded him of the cherry blossoms you loved so much.
Everything that happened…” you mumbled again, unable to look at him in
that happened was because I wanted it to happen and I wanted it to happen with
you,” he said, putting his finger under your chin and making you look at
him. He smiled, at the sight of your beautiful eyes covered in tears once more.
“I wanted to make love to you and so I did, and it was one of the most
beautiful nights of my life, and I don’t regret any part of it.”
why did you tell me that all you wanted to do was to fuck me?” you
narrowed your eyes.
the next morning when I woke up next to you and I didn’t recognise you, I
panicked. When I got home and I read about you in my notebook I understood that
I had to distance myself from you if I didn’t want to hurt you,” he
winced, as if there mere fact of remember taking that decision hurt him. In
fact, it did.
you did. What you told me in the train… It just made me feel like I was
useless,” you said, making Jungkook wince again.
know, and I won’t ever have enough words to tell you how sorry I am about that,
but I achieved what I wanted. You distanced yourself
from me, because I wasn’t strong enough to distance myself from you,” he gulped, looking at you in the eye, hoping
that maybe someday you would be able to forgive him. Even if he was no longer
by your side. “I love you, Y/N. I love you every single day of the week,
but as it comes to an end, it’s more and more difficult for me to remember who
I am in love with. Even though I love you with all my heart, my mind keeps
forgetting about you.”
closed your eyes, tears rolled down your cheeks, ending in Jungkook’s fingers,
which were softly caressing your skin.
love you too,” you said. “I was so afraid you wouldn’t feel the same,
that when you runned away from me the morning after sleeping together I thought
I had fucked up everything.”
could I not feel the same when you love The Name of The Wind and Iron
Man?” he joked, trying to make you laugh. And you did, you laughed a bit
because he was like that, he could make you smile in the saddest moment of your
life. He could appear in your life like the bright light of a lighthouse could
appear in the middle of the sea to brighten up the sailor’s path. He could
appear into your life, like s train stepped into the station, the air that it
created as the machine stopped, playing with your hair; leaving you breathless.
As you were
laughing, he placed both of his hands on both sides of your cheeks and he
sweetly pressed his lips against yours. You hummed a bit, missing the feeling
of his sweet mouth covering yours.
now, Jungkook?” you said, suddenly remembering Jimin’s words and softly
moving away from him. “Why did Jimin tell me that I was the only one that
could make you change your mind?”
his head, as if telling you to forget about it. He hoped you would forget about
it as he kissed you again, this time eagerly than before. He tasted sweetly,
but you found a new taste in his kiss. It tasted like goodbye.
your lips away from his again. “You’re not taking the treatment anymore,
somehow popped into your mind and as you looked into his dark eyes, you found
the answer to your question. You always found your answers in his eyes. The
answer was “yes”.
You moved away
from him even more, as he stood there, silent, looking at you his a sorrowful
expression all over his beautiful features.
will happen if you don’t take the treatment anymore?” you said, your voice
was barely a whisper.
just… My brain will not only forget about people and things that happen in my
everyday life,” he said, his voice was barely a whisper too.
do you mean?” you asked.
brain will forget to breathe, will forget to make my heart beat inside my
ribcage,” he said, his voice somehow becoming serious, as if he was sure
about what he was saying.
wave of need and fear spread through your body, you approached him and kissed
him passionately, pouring your heart into the kiss, hoping you’d make him
change his mind as Jimin told you.
can’t leave the treatment. You have to keep living, for yourself, for me
Kookster,” you breathed.
his lips still touching yours has his hands covered yours, which were caressing
his cheeks, your index finger tracing the soft scar he had on one of his
hadn’t called me Kookster in a while,” he said, smiling at the soft
nickname that one day escaped from your beautiful lips. He smiled at he
remembered how you had flushed after saying the nickname. He smiled as he remembered
how rosy your cheeks got when you told him how you had been thinking about a
nickname for him because Jungkook was just too long.
being serious, Jungkook,” you said, your tone changing. “If you don’t
take the treatment you’ll die. We’re not joking here, we’re talking about your
disappeared from his lips as he understood you were being serious.
Nevertheless, you never stopped caressing his cheeks and it comforted him. He
wanted you all for himself until the end of his days. He wanted to be selfish,
kiss you again and ask you to stay by his side during the journey he was about
to take until his last stop. He wanted to have you by his side when everything
turned black. But he wanted even more to see you smile. He wanted to see that
beautiful, pure smile. He wanted you to be happy, living a long and
satisfactory life. He wanted you to become a great nurse.
going to take the last doses of his treatment, a stronger one that would keep
him alive some more time. How much more? No one knew. Maybe it could be six
months, six weeks. Or maybe it could be less than two weeks. No one knew. He
wanted to travel. Maybe go to Greece, find Hercules and the tales he loved when
he was a kid.
can’t stand it anymore, Y/N,” he breathed, moving away from your touch,
making your hands fall onto the bed. “Everyone thinks that they know what
I’m going through, but no one knows… No one knows what it is to wake up in a
strange bed every week, a bed that has always been mine. No one understands what
it is like to speak with two people that tell you that you’re their son. It is
awful, awful not to remember anything, to see the pain in the eyes of those who
love you. It’s awful to then come here, take the treatment and remember all at
once. It hits you with so much force you want to throw up, Y/N,” he
grabbed your hands in between his. “I’m tired of hurting people and tired
of hurting myself. I don’t wanna live another day scared that I would forget
something and never again get it back.”
your salt tears as they slipped into your mouth.
cry. I’m sure about this, it’s what I’ve always wanted. If I can’t live a
normal life, those around me will be finally able to do so,” he smiled,
and his smile wasn’t sad or melancholic, it was pure and radiant, as it had
always been. “Did you know that seeing someone reading a book you love is seeing
a book recommending a person?”
sniffled, leaning towards Jungkook’s touch as he caressed your cheeks, whipping
away the tears. You nodded a bit as you had heard that phrase before.
that day at the station, The Name of The Wind recommended you to me,” he
whispered, his face getting closer to you. “It was the best recommendation
anyone has done to me in my entire life. I don’t regret a thing. I don’t regret
making you laugh and laughing at your stupid jokes and conspiracy theories. I
don’t regret falling in love with you.”
neither do I,” you began to say. “And that’s why you should think
twice about not taking the treatment anymore,” he was just about to
interrupt you when you noticed, and continued speaking. “I don’t know what
you are going through right now, I’ve never experienced anything like that.
What I know is that we deserve to be together.”
Oh, how he wished you had time to be together. “I know, I know…”
his thumb traced circles over the soaked skin of your cheek.“But the thing
is that the treatment isn’t working for me anymore. If I keep taking it, maybe
I’ll live another year, maybe even two. But there will be one, or two, more
awful years living in this body that can’t keep up with me.”
swallowed. You knew he was right, but you were selfish. You were human after
all, and for the human being, death was something to be scared of, not
something you were willing to embrace, like Jungkook did.
know I’ll remember you until the last of my days,” he said, lifting your
head up. “I’ll remember who I love and that’s more than I ever dreamt off.
Not even in my sweetest dreams had I ever dreamt about meeting a girl like
he forget about you when you were
everything he was made of? Every fibre of his body carried your name written on
it. Every fibre had your smell, your laugh, your bad and good jokes, your
tears, your words, your gazes, your little sniffles. You had given him
something he wanted to remember more than anything.
is my goodbye, Y/N,” he whispered, his touch felt like daggers as his
words stabbed your heart. “I don’t want you to see me at my lowest. I want
you to remember the Jungkook that gave you your bookmark back. Look at me.
Where are my oversized hoodies? And my muscled thighs that you loved so
much?” he softly laughed as he joked.
felt like daggers, straight to your already broken heart.
your head, stepping away from Jungkook. His hands were the ones that fell onto
the bed then.
You can’t just leave me like this,” you murmured, taking small steps back.
Everything about him was breaking you. It wasn’t because of his goodbye, or
because of his illness. It was because he looked happy, happier than you had
ever seen him in fact. He wanted that. He didn’t want to add another comma to
his story. He wanted to add a full stop. He wanted not to forget or remember
anymore. “I… I can’t, I can’t say you goodbye when my heart’s not ready
for letting you go.”
swallowed. He could see the hurt in your eyes and he hated himself for being
the cause of it. But he knew he would the hurt in your eyes would be nothing
compared to the hurt he saw that morning when he woke up next to you. When he
didn’t know who you were. He hated himself as he remembered how he had thought you were just another pretty face. How
he had looked into your eyes and had felt nothing,
just a strange familiarity. Now, when he looked into your eyes he could see the
entire world, his world.
cherry blossoms in your eyes, remembering how the light up each time you
admired them from the train. Jungkook felt a pang of pain in his chest, knowing
he wouldn’t see another cherry tree blossom again. Knowing he wouldn’t see the
pink colour of the beautiful flowers reflected in your eyes. Knowing he
wouldn’t spend another spring day by your side.
can’t let you go, Jungkook. Sorry,” was all you said before looking one
last time to the boy’s eyes before sprinting out of the room and into the
changing room. You cried, thinking about the unfairness of life. Life was
greedy, she wanted the purest souls just for herself.
you dreamt about unknown train stations and new destinations, places to visit
and fall in love with. About a Thursday afternoon, fallen bookmarks and doe eyes.
You dreamt about two young people, rosy cheeks and silly smiles on their faces.
They reminded you of someone, but you never saw their faces clearly. Anyway,
their faces weren’t what you looked into that night, as you looked into their
were in love.
fallen bookmark on a Thursday afternoon.
never been good at sports, let alone running. But as you ran through the
corridors of the hospital, without your ordinary clothes still on, you even
enjoyed the feeling. You enjoyed the way you created a soft wave of air as you
passed by someone, the air playing with their
hair, leaving them breathless as they turned around to look at the
stupid girl that was running through the hospital’s corridors on a Thursday
didn’t care. Maybe it was what people liked about running: it made you feel
you had had the night before was still replaying in your mind, over and over
again. Vivid images of the young lovers pushing you towards the familiar room
of the hospital.
you nearly cried when you stepped into the plain white room. You were
breathless from all the running, knowing that day he was returning home. He was
leaving to hospital to never come back again.
looked at you wide-eyed, his mouth forming a small “o”.
towards him, not even bothering to close the door behind your back. You placed
both of your hands on both sides of his face and you leaned in, so you could
touch his lips with yours.
was confused. When you stepped out of his room the previous day he knew there
was a chance that he would never see you again, since he was planning on flying
to Greece the next day.
tears in your eyes when you pulled away from him, your noses still touching.
year ago, a boy in a skate and an oversized t-shirt handed me this,” you
whispered, pulling out the damaged bookmark from your backpack. You handed the
rectangular piece of paper to Jungkook, who was still in shock. “And I
immediately fell in love with him. Over a fallen bookmark on a Thursday
couldn’t hold the tears back anymore as he hugged you and held the bookmark in
between his fingers. When you broke the hug, Jungkook took a moment to observe
the bookmark. That Thursday, a year ago, he was so dazed because of you that he
didn’t take a moment to look at the piece of paper.
plain black, your favourite colour. But when he twirled it, he found some small
white letters on it.
someone reading a book you love is seeing a book recommending a person,”
wasn’t aware that it was written on my bookmark until I heard you say it
yesterday,” you smiled. “Jungkook, you were recommended to me, and I
always read those books other people recommend to me. I’m trying to do the same
he began to say.
I acted like a selfish little girl. A coward, selfish little girl,” you
sighed, interrupting Jungkook and
intertwining your hands with his as you had done the previous day.
“I’ve never been a coward, I’m not going to act like one now.”
What are you talking about?” the boy looked at you with a frown in his
face. You touched the scar on his left cheek, the tip of your finger making
goose bumps appear all over his body.
if you decide not to take the treatment anymore, I’ll be by your side. Every
single day, and when you don’t remember me, I’ll introduce myself again to you,
like I did that Thursday afternoon a year ago,” you said. Your voice was
like a soothing balm to him.
told you yesterday that I wanted you to remember the boy from a year ago,
not… This one,” he said, the
derogatory tone in his voice making you shiver.
boy is the same boy I met a year ago. Nothing has changed, just your physical
appearance,” you whispered, your hands still caressing his. “Do you
really think I’m that frivolous?”
his head. Clearly, you weren’t understanding what he was trying to say.
“When I told you in the train that I wanted to save you the heartbreak, I
meant it. I pushed you away from me because I don’t wanna hurt you-” you
opened your mouth as if going to interrupt him, but he shushed you. “I’m
gonna die, Y/N. I don’t know if it’ll be in two months, six or just one week. It
is going to be a tough journey and I don’t wanna drag anyone down with
interrupted him because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut anymore. “I know
what I’m signing up for Jungkook, and I don’t care.”
think you don’t care because that morning when I looked at you and I didn’t
recognise you, you thought I had been drunk the night before, or that I was
just lying to you to avoid you. But you don’t know what is like to love someone
that loves you back, but sometimes forget about it. You don’t know what is like
to look at me in the eyes and see a stranger there. It destroyed my parents, I
don’t want it to destroy you too,” he said. But you had thought about it,
about it all.
think you’re underestimating me, Jeon Jungkook,” you said. Of course you
knew you’d hurt, that there would be more bad days than good ones. That you
wouldn’t be the same at the end of it all. But you knew too, that you loved
Jungkook with all your heart, and you wanted to spend his last days with him,
no matter if they were twenty, six months or an entire year.
“You just deserve someone who can love
you until the end of your days, someone that can be there with you every single
morning, waking un by your side and remembering your face…” his voice
cracked at the end.
don’t say that,” you said, raspy voice and furious tears running down your
cheeks. Jungkook tried approaching you to wipe away your tears, but you took a
step away. “I’ll love you until the end of my days and even if you don’t remember me, you will still love me
deep inside you.”
The boy you
had fallen in love with, nearly a year ago shook his head. “You know
that’s not how this works. If I keep doing this, if we keep doing this, I’ll bury you down with me,” he took a
deep breath. “Maybe I won’t love you until the end of your days, but I’ll
love you until the end of mine, but that’s not enough for you.”
at him in the eye, making all his walls fall down. “That’s more than
enough for me.”
It was a
sweet autumn, the sweetest you have ever lived, in fact.
to love the orange and brown colours that decorated the nearly naked threes of
Seoul as you learned to love by Jungkook’s side. Being by his side was like a
constant lesson. You learned from him and in exchange, he learned from you.
From your lively eyes and your bright smile. He learned from the girl he loved
that time was precious, even if you had a little left. That you could make the
most out of anything if you really wanted to. And so he did.
He made the
most out of the little time he had left.
A week after
Jungkook was discharged from the hospital, you finally convinced him to let you
fly with him to Greece. You’d have to skip university and the internship, but you
didn’t care. The long journey by plane from Seoul to Greece reminded you of
those Thursday afternoons you shared with him in the train on your way home. You
spoke, laughed, read… You were that young couple everyone observed in the
train, with yearning eyes from past memories.
that Jungkook loved the ancient mythology, its myths and characters. He told
you the tales of Aquiles, of Hercules, Troy and its wooden horse. You loved how
his entire face lit up whenever he spoke about something he loved, with so
much passion, pouring his heart in everything he loved. But the thing you loved the most about it all, was how his entire face lit up whenever he looked at you,
or smiled at you, or just whenever he said your name.
Every day, when
you would arrive to the hotel after an exhausting day, he would sit on the bed,
writing what had happened that day on his notebook.
He had his
bad and his good days. You would love to say that there were more good days
than bad ones, but you’d be lying to yourself.
went by, Jungkook started to feel how something slipped away from him, little
by little. That something slipped through his fingers and he couldn’t do
anything to stop it. Whenever you kissed him, he would come back to you.
Whenever you made love to him, he would come back to you. Whenever you traced
your fingers over his skin, slightly stopping at his little moles that you
called stars, he would come back to you.
him make the most out of the little time he had left.
everything was ideal and rosy. There were days when you would wake up to a
crying Jungkook in the bathroom, covered in sweat and scared. Scared because he
didn’t know where he was, why he was in Greece or who was that girl that was
comforting him with such love in her beautiful eyes. You would try to cover the
pain each time Jungkook looked at you with those oblivious eyes, knowing that
he just needed time to come back to you. As he would read his notebook in the
bathtub, you would cry in the balcony of your hotel room, trying to hide your
tears from Jungkook.
days when you were just walking around the ancient city, or having dinner at
some cozy restaurant, and he would suddenly look at you with a frown on his
face. He would start crying and shouting like a little lost boy, calling for
his parents, his friends. He would yell towards you. “Who are you?”
“Why am I here?”. After you would give him his medicine, he would
calm down and he would let you take him to the hotel, where he would break down,
apologizing to you as everything he had done came back to his mind again.
more than the oblivious eyes, the screams or the tears. The way Jungkook hurt
each time he came back to you, crashed you down into pieces, pieces he would
later put back into place as he kissed you, made love to you and reminded you
how much he loved you as he pushed into you.
By the time
you returned to Seoul, it was already winter.
nevertheless, wasn’t as sweet as autumn was.
was worst each day. Not only physically, but mentally. He kept coming back to
you after each episode of amnesia, but you started realising he wasn’t fully
coming back to you. A part of him stayed behind each time.
being colder and distant towards you, without even realising it. He could feel
it too, that missing part of him that had stayed behind since the last episode
of amnesia. All the hurt, all the tears, the cries, the shouting, disappeared
as he began to feel nothing.
bitter and cold, just like the wind and the snow that covered Seoul.
memories with Jungkook started lessening and now you can only remember one.
just stepped out of the hospital after a tough day of internship when you
noticed the tall and lean figure waiting for you outside.
you said, your voice trembling a bit.
you saw him every day, you never knew which Jungkook you would be facing. That
night, the smile he directed towards you let you know he was him, your Jungkook. You ran towards him
and he kissed you with force. Something in him knew that night would be his
last night with you, not physically, but mentally. Something in you, knew that
on blindfolding you with his scarf and you gave in, smiling as he led you with
his hands placed on your hips. He didn’t stop talking to you, so you couldn’t
guess where he was leading you. But when he came to a stop and his hands left
your hips, you immediately recognised where you were. The noise, the wind, the
suddenly heard it, the loud impact of hard wheels making contact with the
ground. You smiled as a soft wave of air played with your hair.
passed by your side, on his skate, he observed you as much as he could, knowing
that it would probably be his last chance to do so. He felt like he was falling
in love with you all over again.
can take it off,” he said, making you jump a bit as you didn’t expect him
to be so close to you.
took his scarf off, you saw Jungkook holding a notebook in his hands.
sorry. I think you dropped this,” he said, repeating the exact same words
he said to you the first time.
and blinked a few times, stopping the tears to fall down your face. “I
think that’s not mine, sorry.”
now it is,” he said, smiling at you, with that bunny smile you hadn’t seen
in a while.
With a wide
smile, you grabbed the notebook, but before you could open it, he put his hands
over you to stop you from doing so.
it for later, we have a train to take,” he said, as the train entered the
station. As it came to a stop, the air it created, played with yours and
Jungkook’s hairs. You understood what he meant with “later”.
He took you
to a restaurant you both loved in your neighbourhood. You chatted, both of you
forgetting about everything: about winter, about time, about his
disease… You were looking at each
other, both with silly smiles on your faces. You smiled widely when you thought
about what someone would think if they looked at you both in that moment.
They’d probably see a boy and a girl whose life had just started, young and
beautiful, falling in love under the dim lights of the Italian restaurant. And
oh, they’d be right, for you were so in love with each other.
as Jungkook made love to you for the last time, you both took you sweet time
caressing each other’s skin. Love words were exchanged between the young
lovers, their ephemeral love story coming to an end. You looked at his dark,
loving eyes for the last time. He kissed your rosy lips for the last time,
taking his time to caress every inch of your body, to listen to your moans and
your voice whispering his name, wanting to remember you with everything he had.
never came back to you after that night. His eyes never recognised you anymore,
even though you knew his heart did. Each day, when you visited him, you
introduced yourself as his friend. He would be nice to you, but that would be
all. He was weaker, thinner and paler as days went by.
left you and the rest of the world on a Thursday afternoon, cherry trees had
bloomed again and pink cherry blossoms decorated Seoul’s streets. As you walked
towards his funeral with Paula and Rae, you smiled. He had an unique way of
doing things, even leaving the world, making sure everyone remembered him like
he hadn’t been able to do. He lived in everyone’s minds and hearts. Making sure you
remembered him and that he lived forever in your mind and heart. And how could
he not? He was the love of your live, and he would always be.
you opened his notebook, finding your bookmark on the first page.
“To Y/N, who I hope always remembers
cry, nor did you feel sad. You fondly smiled as you read Jungkook’s memories.
He came to
you like the air comes into the train station after the fast arriving of the
fast and unexpected, making you hoist your head to look at the long vehicle and
the people inside. It is so fast you can’t even distinguish the different
train comes to a stop, the wind that it creates plays with your hair, leaving