happy xmas to me

Iron Bars // Warren Worthington

Guess who’s back, back again, Els is back, tell a friend

anyway I thought you might like this one and I was feeling really emo over Warren today so this happened lol:))

-Els x

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Iron bars. Twelve of them. Perfectly aligned, reaching from the floor to the ceiling and covering the small perimeter of the cell. The metal was cold against Warren’s pale fingers as he gripped the bars tight as if his life depended on it, he had memorised every detail in the confined space he was forced into only hours ago. A plain white ceiling and a plain white floor, covered in dust and a large brown stain in the corner of the room that he had yet to discover what it was, but he was pretty sure it was blood. There wasn’t even a stool for Warren to rest his fatigued limbs. He wasn’t supposed to be there.

The deafening echoes of his cellmates yelling, screaming and fighting had now become white noise to him and the smell of sweat that clouded his senses every so often almost made him gag. Warren couldn’t imagine what he must look like now, his hair was a tangled, curly blonde mess on his head, with pieces if broken glass still digging into his scalp and his arms littered with fresh scrapes and angry red bruises. His wings that were once white were now crippled, with dried blood that was not long ago seeping from the skin on his back. He was sure he would never fly again. Not that they’d let him anyway, as far as he knew, Warren would be looking these iron bars for the next few years.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Warren had gotten into one of his moods, as you liked to call them. They usually occurred when you two would have a fight or late at night after a bad nightmare when he would reminisce his past, the iron cage in Berlin that he believed somehow looked the same as the cell he was locked in now had forever haunted his dreams and kept him awake at night. Some days were worse than others, but this time, he knew he had taken it too far.

It was a small fight that he had blown out of proportion, his insecurities getting in the way as they always had when it came to you. A small remark that Peter had made about your relationship suddenly had him questioning why on earth you were with someone as wrecked as him. He was the one with wings, but you were the Angel.

He had left you, just like that, and he did what he always did when he was angry or upset. He drank. It was a crowded bar, the memories of what happened were still vague when he tried to recall them. Warren didn’t even remember the face of the man that he had gotten into a fight outside the bar with or even why he had thrown the first punch, but he knew that the man had come off much worse than he did.

He hated himself for this, he hated himself for being this fucked up and insecure. Warren always tried to believe it was because of his past and the horrific images that would flash through his head very time he closed his eyes but now he was wondering if it really was his fault. You had always told him to open up, that maybe if he told someone about his past that it would help, you had even suggested a therapist, but being the asshole that he is, he always declined and shrugged it off before continuing to suck you into the shitshow that he called his life. It was always his fault.

Warren knew he had to get out of there. He knew that he had to find you and apologise for everything. He couldn’t imagine how you must be feeling now. He wondered if you knew where he was, he could practically see the look on your face when Charles would tell you, that they had found him. That he was in a bad state and was thrown in a cell without a choice. Warren imagined your face changing from hope to disappointment. He couldn’t even begin to count how many times he had disappointed you.

Suddenly, Warren was awoken from his trance when he heard loud footsteps coming from down the hall. His initial thought was to grab whoever it was that was about to pass him and strangle them until they let him out. But that was then he heard it.

The soft angelic voice that had soothed Warren since the moment he first heard it, he only had to hear a few words to recognise the voice immediately. Once the figure came into full view he straightened himself out, removing his hands from the bar and dropping them by his sides in shock.

You always seemed to look flawless, even with your tired eyes and stressed expression that was most likely caused by the man stood behind bars in front of you. Your hair was a mess, still in the same messy ponytail since he last saw you, the image of tears streaming down you face as he left you at the mansion’s front door still fresh in his mind. You studied each other’s faces for a moment, taking in both of your dishevelled features once again as if you were old friends before Warren broke the ear-piercing silence.

‘Y/n…’

‘I know.’ You said softly, ‘Charles is outside, he’s gonna get you out of here, okay?’ You stepped closer and put your shaking hand on the railings of the bar, flinching slightly when he placed his bruised ones on top of yours and leaned his forehead against it, sighing quietly.

‘I probably should have listened to you when you said about the therapist,’ Warren whispered with a soft laugh.

‘Yeah, probably,’ You smiled ‘I’m just glad you’re okay. I really thought I lost you this time, Warren,’ You sighed and looked down, the pieces of hair that had fallen out of your ponytail covering your face, making Warren’s heart sink even more.

‘Baby, I’m- ‘

‘I know,’ You said reassuringly ‘But not now. Let’s go home first, I need a hot bath and some pizza,’ you smiled, and so did he.

‘Okay. Let’s go home.’

His smile x.

I am running this blog for pretty long time. It’s all year round Christmas blog and in the past few years we became a family! We all love Christmas and now you have the chance to make my Christmas special. We have 12 days till Christmas. 12 days to reach 100 000. Wouldn’t be amazing? Please, follow, reblog, share with your friends! I promise I will keep posting and helping you as much as I can all year round! I believe we have the power to do this! I love every single one of you! Happy holidays! You mean a lot to me!

xoxo

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If I decide to train as a midwife, I have to live in hospital approved accommodation.

anonymous asked:

Okay. This might sound stupid but I seriously don't understand why Cas leaves Dean. As in the infamous crypt scene where Dean confessed his feelings. And then again where he leaves to hunt Lucifer directly after he tells Mary he thinks he doesn't belong. Also when Dean is talking to Cas about his mother living in the bunker and how awkward it is and Cas just says something and hangs up on him. I mean why!? Why!? Doesnt Cas love Dean?!! 😭😭😭😫😫😫😑

Hey! Apologies for getting to this so late - Christmas has turned into the freaking apocalypse around here (but, then again, that’s sort of our Christmas family tradition, so I feel both resentful and weirdly reassured and thank God for raw cookie dough).

So, first things first - Cas does love Dean. Cas loves Dean very much. In fact, Cas loves Dean so much he can’t focus on anything else, which means he can’t function, which means he’s useless and broken, because angels are not people - as far as we know, they were never supposed to have free will and were created to obey orders and carry out missions, so if they aren’t capable of doing that - then what? If your laptop stopped working and started doing its own random thing instead (and, I don’t know, set fire to the whole house just to save one beetle trapped against a window), you wouldn’t keep it around, right? You’d bring it back to the factory and have it reset.

(Or, as it happened in this amazing fic, you’d fall in love with it and then hate yourself, because, yeah, that’s not normal until it is.)

So, no - if Cas walks away, it’s not because he doesn’t love Dean. 

Mostly, Cas walks away because he doesn’t feel like he deserves to be there (and Dean’s understated signals are not strong enough for him to pick up). In his mind, he hardly deserves to exist, let alone to live a life of diner food and Star Wars marathons with the Winchesters in the Bunker. I mean, Cas failed as an angel - apparently, he fucked up every single mission he was ever given, had to be tortured into obedience way too many times to count, and yet he kept fucking up and now his brothers hate him and even God himself didn’t bother to acknowledge him in any way. And Cas also failed as a human, so much so even Dean sent him away. He failed as a hunter, he failed as a guardian angel, he failed as a surrogate father (look at Claire and how her family was torn apart and destroyed). And, well, he failed as a friend, because he couldn’t protect and keep safe those people he loves most in the world.

(This is not the way I see it, obviously, but from what we know, it’s definitely how Cas feels.)

And, well - some of it is all Cas - we know that ‘too much heart’ was always his problem, after all - but lately, every single ‘wrong’ choice Cas has made, he made because of Dean, from rebelling against Heaven to hurting Sam to letting loose an ancient and terrifying force whose only purpose was to swallow the world whole. Because Cas is learning feelings from Dean, so it doesn’t matter if the actual responsibilities are much harder to pin down - Cas will think it’s his fault, because without him Sam would never have managed to save his brother and the correct course of action in that situation was Death’s, not Cas’: Dean sent to space somehow, or to some alternate dimension of primordial forests and loneliness, and Sam - Cas could have erased Dean form Sam’s mind, just like he erased him from Lisa’s and Ben’s.

(As for his own mind - yeah.)

But, of course, Cas couldn’t do it. And those people who died? On him. Lucifer out of the Cage? On him. And you could argue many of Cas’ ‘mistakes’ are now old history, but in my opinion - we are human - we are designed to forget and overcome and heal - our pain blurs, bad memories fade, mistakes are excused and buried. But Cas - Cas is a machine, and all the things he’s done, all the choices he’s made, every single angel he killed, every person who died on his watch, every single flower which withered and wilted and got extinct - also that one Tongtianlong limosus who stumbled and fell and drowned in a bog, his wings flailing uselessly, his mind a black music of urgency and panic - all those creatures Cas had to kill or couldn’t save - they’re all right there, and Cas can’t let go, and he doesn’t know how to get over it -

(“We were supposed to be their shepherds.”)

- and it plain hurts. And Dean is not helping, because every damn step of the way, Dean wordlessly confirms that yeah, this is completely normal, man, and welcome to the fucking club (feeling guilty about everything, giving up on the stuff you want, because you were never supposed to get it; always putting others first).

So, to answer your questions more specifically -

Keep reading

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Double Combo wishing you a Happy New Year

X-Men Remix Reveals!!!

In the main collection, It’s Not a Wake-Up Call (the Facetime Remix), the super hot and :DDDDD remix of my Erik/Moira fic First the Ring (And Then You Wake Up), was written by nextraordinaire!

In the Madness collection, Unexpected (Visitors, Remix Of), the gut-wrenching remix of my zombie apocalypse AU Visitors, was written by Fullmetalcarer!

I received a last minute remix in the Madness collection late last night, in addition to the above two which I recced here earlier last week: Kiss by the Window [Remix of Replay (Timeline Series)] by Thacmis, an art + drabble remix of my fic Replay. It is incredibly beautiful and I should probably just keep it open in a tab so I stop adding to the hit count every time I go to look at it again. It’s just perfect, I love it so so so much. <3333

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Now for the things I wrote! I had two in the main collection:

To Breathe Again (Impossibilities Remix), a remix of ikeracity’s fic To Breathe Again. This was my assignment. The original fic is a post-XMFC fic about Erik going home to Charles, written in the second person. It’s a beautiful fic, and I had no intention whatsoever of trying to remix it when I got my assignment. But my other attempt at writing a remix wasn’t working, and I was flipping through the rest of their fics, and then was like “but what if it was a post-X3/pre-DoFP fic instead?” Second person POV is pretty much something you either love or hate; I’ve always adored it, and had been wanting to try my hand at it for years, and so this was incredibly fun to write. I was pretty nervous when I started it, but I think the end result is the best thing I’ve written in a while.

A Minor Mystery (Alone No More Remix), a remix of afrocurl’s A Minor Mystery. This was my pinch hit. The original is a fic where Erik stays and becomes pregnant with Charles’ telepathic fetus (probably the obvious choice for me to remix, since a. I love mpregnant Erik soooo much, and b. years ago, I wrote a nearly 50k fic that involved a very similar conceit); I decided it would be fun to set it after DoFP, when a newly-freed Erik is on the run.

I also had two in the Madness collection:

Magda (Fear and Love Remix) is a remix of professor’s awesome Erik/Magda, Moira/Magda, Charles/Erik ficlet Magda, in which Magda is a part of XMFC and fixes all the things. I have always adored that ficlet and have wanted to get my feelings all over it ever since discovering that remixes were a thing. In fact, I’ve been trying to remix it in one way or the other for 3-4 years now. It’s been a few different things, and now that it’s posted it’s one of the ones I’m so nervous about that I won’t be able to look at it objectively to discover if I actually think the end result hangs together for probably another six months…but even if it doesn’t I adore it because it really is just all my FEELINGS about things. XD

No Pushing (Times Six Remix) is a remix of Gerec’s Charles/Logan ficlet with baby Laura coming to live with Charles/Logan in a much happier timeline than what we got in Logan. I knew I wanted to remix Gerec, since she correctly guessed both of my fics in the main collection. I also knew I wanted to remix one of her Charles/Logan things if at all possible, since lord knows I love it when people write for my fave rarepair. I chose this ficlet because I thought it would be fun to write a Serious Story about how terrible it would be if toddlers had mutations + about Logan’s complicated feelings about being a clone dad and not wanting Laura to be like him (because @cygnaut is often explaining comics! Logan and Laura to me, so they are on my mind a lot). Spoiler: It did not end up being a Serious Story. It wanted to be majority lighthearted fluff from the moment I started writing it, and, since I figured Gerec would be fine with that + apparently STILL have a lot of feelings about how Charles, Logan and Laura deserve to be happy, I decided to go where it took me.