They don’t understand how it feels to be walking down a crowded street with tears dropping all over your cheeks, they don’t understand the way it makes your heart feel to watch something that was once so fucking beautiful just disintegrate, without being able to put it back together. Even if I never get over this fully, even if I never love the same way again, I recognise how lucky I was to be able to feel that much for another human being. As hard as this is to admit, I loved you deeply and honestly with not a bit of selfishness in my bones. Almost a year later all I want to see is you happy, and it breaks my heart that you’re not. I hope that one day you learn that cheap thrills won’t be able to listen to your fears and nightmares, but hopes and dreams, and they certainly won’t be there by your side to help you pursue them. Even if I never see you again; I hope you realise the mess you have made, I hope something good comes out of this, I hope you realise how badly you broke me, and I hope you never hurt another person the way you have hurt me. I never, ever want someone to stay awake until 4am begging some form of God to bring you back, or to fall asleep shaking at night because they can’t get you out of their veins, I never want you to make someone feel like that again. And I also hope that nobody ever makes you feel that way. I know that you’re going to make someone happy some day, I know that they’re going to tear up with the happiness of you being in their life, and they will fall in love with you on Monday mornings; I know this because I used to be her. Everything with you was beautiful. Experiencing life with you was beautiful. You were beautiful. You showed me and helped me to grow into the person I am today, and a part of you will always be inside of me, even when I’m 60 years old, you’ll be my first-lived fairytale and nightmare I will be telling my grandkids about with goosebumps all over my pale skin. Thank you for that. Thank you for teaching me how to open my heart up to that kind of love that I never experienced before, for trusting me and allowing me to trust you, thank you for letting me cry. You have taught me more than I could have ever imagined learning. Thank you for loving me, and thank you for stopping.