I THOUGHT I WAS INSANE FOR THEORIZING THAT THE SERPENTINE MIGHT HAVE COMMITTED CANNIBALISM TO SURVIVE
IT’S CANON NOW
(Just going to update this to the original post as well. The reason it’s asking If Pythor was white or purple first is because this is from a Wu Cru test where you’re supposed to remember what came before the other. Also reminder that this stuff is meant for kids.)
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY KIDS HERE HAVE A CHEESY FIC I LOVE Y’ALL
Tony stepped into his workshop and froze. There were dozens of flower arrangements scattered around the place. Even Dum-E had a single red rose clasped in his claw.
“JARVIS… what the fuck?” Tony asked.
“It’s Valentine’s Day, sir,” his AI responded.
Tony thought he heard a touch of humor in his response.
“Is it?” Tony asked.
He walked over to the nearest arrangement and gently touched a petal. The flowers were very nice.
“Who did this?” he asked.
“I believe there is a card on the one on your main workbench, sir,”
Tony crossed the room and found that there was indeed a card nestled into the flowers. He plucked it out and opened it up.
Be mine because you’re fine.
Tony sat down and let out a long suffering sigh. A smile that he would deny until the end of his days crept along his face. Cheesy pickup lines were the best pickup lines.
“J, who did this?” he asked.
“I have been sworn to secrecy,” JARVIS replied.
“What? My own AI conspiring against me? The betrayal,”
Tony slumped back dramatically, his arm falling over his eyes. One of the bots beeped curiously.
“I believe, sir, that there are a few more cards,” JARVIS said, not sounding at all like he cared about betraying Tony.
“There’s a shit ton of college campuses just waiting for you J,”
“So you’ve said,”
Tony swatted his hand in the general direction of JARVIS’s nearest speaker and started to hunt around his workshop for the rest of the cards.
In total there were seven more cards. Each of them had a ridiculous pick up line. Tony was torn between laughing at the ridiculousness of them, and groaning at how god awful they were.
Roses are #ff0000, violets are #0000ff. All my base are belong to you.
You know what’s on the Valentine’s Day menu? Me-n-u
Did you put snickers in your valentines? Because you satisfy me
Do you like cats? Because I’d like you to take meowt for Valentine’s Day
Happy Valentine’s Dayyyyyyyum
You’re so sweet you’d put Hershey’s out of business
I’d melt in your mouth, not your hand
Tony wondered who could possibly have it out for him this bad to send him such wonderful/terrible pickup lines.
“I’m getting some coffee,”
Tony pushed away from the small stack of cards and headed up to the kitchen to make himself some coffee. There weren’t too many people in the Tower who would take the time to write out such thoughtful words.
Tony took a sip of his coffee and sighed contently.
“So Tony,” Bucky started casually as he walked into the kitchen.
“Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?”
Tony almost spat his coffee out at the line.
“We’ve met already Bucky, it doesn’t work like - wait a shit…”
There was shit eating grin on Bucky’s face.
“How many more of these am I going to have to suffer through James?” Tony asked trying, and failing, to sound upset.
Bucky laughed and walked over to Tony, he stopped just short of the engineer.