happy to graduate

Goodbye was always the hardest part, and it is already tearing me apart even though it hasn’t happened yet. The ache in my chest is already there, the tears already spilling down my cheeks and onto the page. 
I already miss the man in the office; the man who isn’t mine but at the same time is; the man whose hand holds my heart without knowing it; the man who has held me together for the last three years. 
It’s the same man who probably won’t remember me in a year, who probably doesn’t think about me unless he sees me, the man who won’t be impacted by my leaving at all. 
I’m okay with that though; I would never wish this type of pain on any other person, especially not the person whose happiness is all I want.
—  c.t.//excerpt from a book I won’t write 
The Marching Instruments as Awkward Senior Portraits

piccolo:  the shell-shocked (couldn’t hear the photographer count down over ringing in their ears)

flutes:  the i’m-trying-too-hard

clarinets:  the pikachu

bass clarinets:  the “maybe now you’ll remember i exist, fuckers”

any of the saxophones: the sex god

trumpets:  the “hot shit”

mellophones:  the cat photo

trombones:  the i-forgot-about-senior-portraits-until-the-day-they-were-due-to-the-yearbook-so-i-had-my-friend-take-this-outside-five-minutes-ago

euphoniums/baritones/tubas:  the what-the-fuck

pit percussion:  the my-instrument-is-my-child pose

drum line:  the casually-holding-a -deadly-weapon

color guard:  the dance costume

drum major: the ruler of all things music

i never really make posts about ichigo which is a shame because i actually really like him as a character (negative character development/ending aside). when i started reading bleach i found it so refreshing that he didn’t exactly know what he wanted to do. in series like naruto/one piece the MC knows what he wants to become from the beginning of the series, while ichigo’s desire to become a shinigami only gets stronger as the manga progresses. and even though he did have some ridiculous power ups, his inner struggles (the rain, despair, his inner world) were so interesting to read about. i wish kubo would’ve focused more on that aspect of ichigo rather than introducing 50 villians all at once. imo ichigo was a good main character but unfortunately he had a shitty writer that couldn’t properly use his full potential…

Happy New Year! This blog reached more than 1000 followers recently and I want to thank all of you for your support this past year. These three bears in costumes were some of my designs from 2016, along with my white Totoro pattern, strawberry owls, and updated bunny design. I plan to continue developing these patterns and sharing more designs in 2017!

To see 2016′s recap picture, see this post here: https://amiandyou.tumblr.com/post/136404124507/happy-new-year-these-bears-were-some-of-my

Picture this: Stiles and Derek reconnect at John and Melissa’s wedding after not seeing each other for nearly six years.

Derek has been back in Beacon Hills for a few months, he’s working as a contracted consultant with the Sheriff’s Department and rebuilding the old Hale house, but making it a place where the ghosts won’t haunt him anymore.  He’s been seeing a therapist and dealing with his PTSD and his other problems. He’s happy, or at least he’s mostly happy.

Stiles just graduated from Columbia, Summa Cum Laude bitches, and is moving back to Beacon Hills where he’ll be basing his new bookstore and supernatural consulting agency that he started in New York City. 

Stiles moved back just a week before the wedding and things were so busy helping his dad and Melissa get everything together that he hasn’t even really seen Lydia and Scott, let alone Derek. 

The wedding itself is lovely.  It’s small and perfect for John and Melissa.  Stiles and Scott stand up with their parents and mostly Stiles tries to pay attention to the service, but he may have gotten distracted by a certain someone in the crowd. 

He may have spotted Derek in the third row and lost his breathe for a second because Derek aged well.  He’s just shy of 30 with flecks of grey in his full beard, his hair a little longer then Stiles had seen it and he looks amazing. 

Derek spotted Stiles too and he almost missed the vows and kiss because Stiles’ grew up well.  He had looked good when he was 17, but Derek had felt a little creepy eyeing a 17 year old so he didn’t make a move, but now, now Stiles is 23 and a little taller then Derek remembered, and his hair is shorter but no less disheveled, he even had stubble. 

After the service, once the reception started, Stiles found himself hiding in a coat closet and face to face with Derek Hale for the first time in almost 6 years.

“Did Scott’s great aunt Maria get to you too?” Stiles asks as he looks over the stricken look on Derek’s face and the smudge of gaudy pink lipstick on his cheek.

“Does she do that to everyone?” 

“Oh yeah, my ass still has bruises from last Christmas.  She’s a handsy old lady.”

Next thing they both know they’re sitting on the floor in the coat closet, Stiles snuck out and got them snacks and a bottle of champaign.  Derek forgot how funny Stiles is, how his laugh can fill the cracks in his heart, 

And Stiles, well he’s seeing a new side of Derek Hale.  He’s seeing the lighter side that he always knew existed, that he saw brief glimpses of, the side he had always been drawn to. 

By the time Scott finds them almost two hours later, they’re both a little buzzed and grinning like idiots. 

They end up slow dancing to the last three songs of the night, Stiles’ head on Derek’s shoulder.  Derek might have even kissed Stiles on the temple at some point.  It’s sickeningly sweet and Scott had to leave the room because all the emotions and smells were driving him crazy.  He didn’t ever need to smell that amount of arousal coming off of his best friend and his returned pack member.

Lydia gets some really great pictures of them dancing and even manages to snag one of the temple kiss. When she goes to drop them off at Stiles’ apartment a few weeks later there’s a rather conspicuous black Camaro parked next to the beat up old Jeep. 

She leaves the pictures in the his mailbox and gets out of there as fast as possible because the window to Stiles third floor apartment is open and she never needed to hear Derek Hale make those kind of noises. 

It’s weird how you can be so happy to graduate, to move on, to be free from it all yet that the moment you visit old teachers or listen to songs you grew up with, the butterflies stop and sink.
—  c.t.//I’m scared to graduate and I have a year left//