happy sunday lol

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Pairing: Ivar x Reader
Summary: Modern Au. Reader needs some self defense and meets Ivar the trainer.

Length: Long

Warnings: NSFW, Swearing, ex-boyfriend situation, explicit, slight choking, detailed smut
Tagging the moonbeam crew: @synnersaint @inthenameofodin @squirrelacorngliterfarts @captainpoopweinersoldier @underthenorthstar @mizzvengenz6661 @whenimaunicorn @lordavanti @ivartheboneme @pagan-raider @rockyrascal @arkrimwitchout @heathen-army @cherrytrinkets @littlewolfieposts @lumpyqueen97 @wastelandsheep @ubberagnarssons @shondlenoodle @sylvia-wolfe-postlimit-blog @bluearchersstuff @ryderwinchester @ceridwenofwales @fandomers @holy-minseok @ivarsvalkyrie @lyra-stark99 @blonde-valkryie @alienskind @lollyfuckindagger @anniemar @brightlycoloredteacups @agonybcrn @vile-villian666 @loveabove @itharley @mrsmargera @skywalkingdixon @forvalhallaandodin @stitchattacks @rls905 @kelsh13 @tiyetiye @lttlcuddles  @princess-sweatpants @redheadedtrollop @dani-si @bloodyivar @nothingbuthappydays @dangerousvikings @buckyslocalfarmer @lupy22 @siren-kitten-his @kitkat1690 @ivartheheathen @burningsunshin3 @colexxcole @kathieycarrerarosshley @rachiieee @obsessive-submisive @bitchccraft @sconniebelle @skadithegoddess @bloodyivar @dangerousvikings


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Zero escape without context starters
  • Because these are serious games about betrayal and murder
  • "It's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway, to be honest..."
  • "Look, ___! It's a snowman secret meeting!"
  • "I would'a thought a guy your size would have bigger balls than that"
  • "Have you got a thing for feet, ___? You're actin' kinda shady..."
  • "___, are you flexible like an octopus or something?"
  • "What do you mean, "What the hell is a funyarinpa"? You mean... you don't know?"
  • "Apologize! Say you're sorry to the funyarinpa!"
  • "The rust on here looks like Elvis's face!"
  • "A bottle with people liquid in it."
  • "Playin' with mannequins, huh? Didn't know you were into that kinda thing, ___."
  • "Hey man, I just bought these shoes. If you think I'm getting some creepy dude's blood all over 'em, you got another think comin'."
  • "How about we put it on your face then light it on fire?"
  • "I'm not an exhibitionist! I'm wearing clothes!"
  • "It stands for Adult Erotic Doctor."
  • "Yo yo yo, where my boys at?"
  • "Remove these shorts of obfuscation and let us gaze upon it-this so-called "hose"!"
  • "You can take your LAME-ARY GAME and SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!"
  • "Sooner or later, everybody puts up with ___!"
  • "It's a dirty magazine... Just look at those rings on Saturn. Don't they excite you?"
  • "Had I gotten wasted and had a one night stand with the mistress of a prominent politician? Well, yes... But it was just the one time..."
  • "Gotta grab it jellyfast!"
  • "Oh my God! There's dihydrogen monoxide coming out of that faucet!"
  • "I have to get back to my... ehe... grandpa videos?"
  • "Cool, but... Can you, like... kind of slide it down into your cleavage and then take a bite...?"
  • "You know what they say; Swimsuits never quit."
  • "___-chan is hella moe! ___-chan is hella moe!"
  • "If you're a C cup, I'm packing twelve inches!"
  • "If only there was a cat in here. Neow that would purrfectly calm my nerves... Ah, if you can't tail, I kind of have a litter tic. Whenever I talk about cats, I..."
  • "Nipple sizes differ."
  • "Call HR, this is sexual harassment."
  • "FUCK YOU YOU GODDAMNED OLD MAN!"
  • "THE FUCK...?!"
  • "If you think complimenting everything a woman wears is okay, you're very wrong, sir."
  • "I know! Let's cut ___'s arm off!"
  • I gotta be the world's happiest kid!"
  • "I really, truly love ice cream."
  • "A, because I think you're adorable. B, because you are so beautiful! C, because you're very cute! D, because you're my darling! E, because you make me excited...! F, because you're like a feather in my arms..."
  • "Bwoop bwoop."

anonymous asked:

Soulmate au where the law, like, heavily pressures you to marry your soulmate, and they meet when one of them is coming home from a rally wearing an anti-soulmate laws shirt? Soulmate-recognizing method up to you. <3

a/n: thanks for the prompt! you didn’t specify a couple so I went with my go-to, which is bellarke, but if you had another pairing in mind just send me a new one :) the soulmate-recognizing method is ‘the first words your soulmate says to you are tattooed on your body and vise versa’; thanks to @kay-emm-gee for looking this over for me ♥

send me soulmate sunday/magic monday prompts! 


#FREEDOMFORLOVE | ao3 

As a general rule, Bellamy despised crowds. They were loud, stifling and he hated being surrounded by sweaty bodies with no immediate exit. It irked him and made his skin itch, his senses sharpened nearly to the point of being raw, like a screeching sound that he could hear but couldn’t turn off no matter what.

And the rally – despite it being over – well, it was making everything ten times worse.

If it was up to Bellamy, he wouldn’t even be here; it was just that he had pulled a double shift following an all-nighter, and at this point all he wanted was to slip into his bed, close his eyes and blissfully welcome the sleep. But Octavia has insisted on at least witnessing the final march and Bellamy didn’t have it in him to refuse her, not when they both supported the clause vehemently, having personally suffered from the twisted up illusion Soulmate Act IV imposed upon the citizens of Arkadia.

Sometimes staying with your soulmate was way worse than living without them, but divorcing your soulmate, let alone leaving them, was seen as a sin worse than murder, and many people suffered, trapped in relationships they didn’t truly want.

And with the increase of domestic violence and murder recently, following the latest update on the Soulmate Act, Bellamy was happy to see the people come together and stand against the government and the Act.

He sighed heavily and let Octavia tug him closer to the moving crowd, falling into step and smiling tiredly at his sister when she waved her little flag in support, grinning widely up at him. He focused on her and ignored the crowd, mentally calculating the time until he was back home.

“Cheer up, big brother. We’re making history.” Octavia bumped his shoulder with hers and he mussed her hair in retaliation.

“Yeah, yeah, and our grandkids will praise our bravery and wit.”

She rolled her eyes and was about to answer back when she was interrupted by another girl.

“With that frown on your face it definitely won’t be your looks that they’ll be swooning over.”

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