happy snape

Shit Slytherins Say: #100
  • Slytherin: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"
  • Gryffindor: "Seriously?"
  • Slytherin: "To Get to the ugly witches house."
  • Gryffindor: "I don't get it."
  • Slytherin: "Knock knock."
  • Gryffindor: "Who's there?"
  • Slytherin: "The chicken"

anonymous asked:

Have you any happy Snape headcons? Pretty please?


  1. -   Severus didn’t have a familiar as a student, but when Severus found one of the post owls on the ground by the lake with a broken wing, his instant reaction was to scoop him into his robes, and run full pelt to Hagrid’s hut.
    -   Isocrates, the owl, then adopted Severus as his owner.
    -   Severus nicknamed the owl Socks, and visited him every day during his recuperation.
    -   Socks was in mourning when Severus left Hogwarts – but was overjoyed when Severus returned as a teacher.  When the new Potions Master was miserable in the run up to Christmas during his first year of teaching, Socks took to sitting in his classroom instead of roosting in the tower. 


  2. -   After realising that Severus didn’t receive any birthday or Christmas presents in his first year, Lucius Malfoy ensured that he was sent an array of gifts every year for both events.
    -   Similarly, Severus’ 17th birthday watch came from Lucius Malfoy.
    -   Severus used to joke that it was more expensive than the rest of his belongings put together.
    -   He wasn’t actually joking.


  3. -   Severus can sing.  He doesn’t – not often – but he can. 
    -   He made an exception for Narcissa’s thirtieth birthday, and ever since, it’s become a tradition that he’ll serenade her and Lucius whilst they dance. 
    -   …he’s spent the past 9 years trying to wriggle out of the arrangement.


  4. -   He has six tattoos.  Two are Muggle, four are magical.
    -   He does not count the Dark Mark as amongst their number.


  5. -   He’s been published in 3 different journals, with thirty seven articles to his name.
    -   He wants to make it forty publications before he turns the big four oh.
    -   He’s got sixty three patents at the Ministry.
    -   All of his work is posted under the same pseudonym.
    -  When he goes to Potions conferences, others comment on how he has never published or patented any work.
    -  Severus takes great pride in knowing that when he dies, the pseudonym will dissolve and reveal his true name.
    -  It took nine months to create that spell, which delayed his first publication by half a year.
    -  It was worth it.
    -  And the spell became his second patent.


  6. -   He holds the record for the highest ever exam results at both OWL and NEWT level for Potions.
    -   Each year he holds his breath when the results are out.  He’s not sure if he’ll be pleased or miserable when his record is finally broken by one of his students.


  7. -  He has a Potions Mastery.
    -  It’s one of his proudest achievements.
    -  His certificate is framed, and hangs in his office, opposite his desk.
    -  Having it means that he can brew under licence, which enables him to brew for the Hospital Wing.
    -  Before Voldemort returned, he would brew for St Mungo’s in his spare time.


  8. -   His greatest ambition was to fly unaided.
    -   He managed it.


  9. -   On Halloween, Minerva transforms into her animagus form and sits in his lap all evening, purring, and fussing, and forcing him to pet her.
    -   He pretends he doesn’t know it’s her. 
    -   The next day, she pretends that it never happened.


  10. -   Flitwick took him to Ollivander’s to buy a new wand when he was 24.  The Charms teacher had been right; he’d fundamentally changed, and he needed a new wand. 
    -   He asked Ollivander to charm the new wand’s appearance so nobody would realise.


  11. -   The first time Slytherin won the House Cup under his watch, the dungeons partied for a full 24 hours, with Severus celebrating as if he was one of the students.
    -   After his victory in 91, he made the mistake of going ‘double or quits’ in 92. 
    -   92 was the year Gryffindor finally won the House Cup.
    -   He sulked for the entire summer.
    -   Severus and Minerva constantly gamble against each other. 
    -   On one memorable occasion, Severus had to wear tartan briefs for a full month, and Minerva delighted in asking him to prove he was adhering to the bet.
    -   After that, he refused to gamble anything other than money.
    -   He’s not a big fan of wizarding chess, mostly because both Minerva and Dumbledore wipe the floor with him.
    -   He is, however, a card shark.  With his Legilimency and Occlumency skills, nobody at Hogwarts can defeat him. 


  12. -   He can hold his drink, but always gets caught out by the potency of the punch at Christmas parties.
    -   He’s slept with four members of staff. 
    -   There is a direct correlation between the last two points.
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Snape Appreciation Month day 26: Favourite AU

The “Snape Lives au”, OBVIOUSLY.
I liked the idea of Harry’s “you-have-your-mother’s-eyes” eyes being the last thing Snape saw after Nagini’s attack and also the first thing he saw after regaining consciousness in this Au (in which they somehow manage to save him).
And of course, the first words he would utter would be full of snark.
If Snape is being his usual snarky self, he’s surely feeling ok enough (that’s why Harry laughs).

(let me bask in my aus, ‘mkay? I know how the actual story goes)

DO.NOT.REPOST AND DO NOT DELETE THE DESCRIPTION.

No Voldemort AU: Severus finishes school with 7 NEWTs. He joins apothecaries to gain experience and money. Years later, having done countless of experiments and improved dozens of potions, he convinces Lucius to partner up with him. A few months later, Prince Apothecary opens in Diagon Alley and due to excellent brewing, demand is high. Soon the staff doubles but it’s not enough so they open a branch in Hogsmeade. Months later, Severus beats out other Potioneers and wins a contract to supply St. Mungo’s. Within a few years, the number of branches grows. Instead of putting competition out of business, they absorb them and keeps them employed. The rate of growth is so high there is international demand. 

Severus’ recipes win him awards and distinction. He publishes text books in many different languages. At the age of 90, Severus retires with a comfortable sum after giving away almost all his wealth to charity. His home has a farm filled with rescued animals. He adopts and fosters animals and gives free boarding to anyone who needs it. All is well.

Shit Slytherins Say on Valentine's Day: #8
  • Ravenclaw: "How much do you love me?"
  • Slytherin: "Well, look at the stars and count them. That's how much I love you."
  • Ravenclaw: "But it's morning."
  • Slytherin: "Exactly."

we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date we’re getting Lance’s birthday date WE’RE GETTING LANCES BIRTHDAY DATE

“Happy birthday professor! -Luna L.”

Snape, fighting to keep an intimidating poker face right after Luna hands him his gift in the corridor and then immediately slips away.

Last minute submission for @happy-snape-week

HAPPY SLYTHERIN PRIDE DAY

much love to all of my fellow snakes 🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚🐍💚

- severus decided to go to therapy on his own. he told no one and chose a therapist in a different city

- the first time he met the therapist he was so apprehensive he almost left. the woman was taller than he was and she had a stern look. she never smiled but shook his hand firmly. her office had very few items besides the stuffed chairs

- she asked him questions and he answered watching her closely but she was completely neutral save for a few micro expressions. then she asked him why he came. severus had an answer ready but it took him a few minutes to get it out. he was in a cult, then he became an informant for 20 years. the leader of the cult nearly killed him.

- there was no judgement in her face save for the slight widening of her eyes. how was he supposed to know what to say if she hid her reactions well? she asked about what he wanted to get out his therapy.

- severus told her he wanted to move on. they spoke on what was holding him back. it was the trauma, lily, his high school, harry and dumbledore

- the following week, despite deciding to look for another therapist, he went back. she taught him breathing techniques to lessen the impact of his panic attacks and he bought elastic bands on the way home. it took him a few weeks but he snapped his wrist every time a train of self hating thoughts hit him

- a month in, they started talking medication. she talked him through the different types, the effects and side effects. severus charmed his medicine bottles to vibrate when it’s time for a pill

- they decided that because he never really got say what he wanted, they would try letter writing. severus would write a letter to someone and burn it. in the beginning his letters were timid and he never really talked about much. it felt really good to destroy the letters. 62 letters later, he was feeling bold enough to write more, write harshly, let the anger and disgust he held back in their memory or presence spill out. throughout it all, severus would look over his shoulder, convinced he was being watched

- half a year later, one of potter’s owls found him. severus was almost convinced he could send back a reply. the note was harmless enough but after half a day of putting it off, he sent the owl back and warded his apartment better

- six months in, severus had asked the therapist if there was something wrong with him. every forward step was met with one set back after another. the therapist told him that recovery was never straightforward, that he had gone through a lot in his life, that it will take time to become better. she advised him to note all the improvements, no matter how small

- severus opened his notebook and wrote down that it was two weeks since he occluded. it was five days since he was sick with anxiety. he did his breathing exercises. he walked in front of leaky cauldron without hiding behind his face. a man at a cafe smiled at him and he nodded back. he was sleeping five hours a night now. lily hasn’t been in his dreams in a month. dumbledore hasn’t been in his nightmares in a week. his book had three new chapters. the flat was clean. he found himself lingering in the animal shelter more often these days

- the next session, severus asked if it was ok to get a pet.the therapist talked him through the best animals for his case. a month later he went home with a siamese cat

- the first time he invited someone over, they had tea, watched a football game and drank wine over a conversation about a play severus wanted to see. the next morning, severus found them gently petting his cat

@happy-snape-week 

anonymous asked:

Do you think that, deep down, Severus wanted to be happy ? :)

…this is such a nice question, and I fear I’ve only got a miserable answer.

I think when Snape was a kid, he did want to be happy.  

I am certain he didn’t know how to achieve it, and that’s why he was drawn to power instead.  I think he thought power would mean he would be respected, and then he could make sure that nobody stopped him from achieving what he wanted…and then he could be happy.

Personally, I read him as a kid without power, both at school and at home, and I think he was easy pickings for the Death Eaters to recruit.  I am really unsure about what was going on in Snape’s head when he defected - I can’t decide whether he was already disillusioned with the Death Eaters and Lily being threatened was the last straw, or whether he was just so appalled by Lily being threatened, he threw in the towel.

…but as soon as he defects, I think Snape stops wanting anything for himself, really.  As soon as he puts Lily’s life before his own, that’s the end of Snape and his aspirations.

His role of spy, which he knew he would have to return to, meant that he couldn’t change career.  He couldn’t marry, or have any meaningful long term relationship, or have children.  He was stuck in limbo, playing a part.

Once Voldemort returned, he then spent his time between two masters, doing whatever he was told and doing his best to survive.

So the sad answer is, I don’t think Snape really dared think about being happy; I don’t think he aspired to anything, because he knew that until he’d repented…until his mission was complete, his life wasn’t his own.

There is, of course, the awful irony that all of the things Snape achieves are all things that I feel both he and Lily (as kids) would’ve admired.  He becomes a young Slytherin Housemaster, a successful teacher, and ultimately Headmaster.

If someone had given him those options at 13, I think he’d have happily taken them, and not aspired to be a Death Eater…yet, even more ironically, he wouldn’t have achieved any of it if he hadn’t been a Death Eater in the first place.  

And that, to me, is Snape’s deepest tragedy.

(Oh well, that was depressing.  Eeeesh.  Sorry, mate.)

Snape's story isn't tragic because of his unrequited love for Lily

It’s tragic because he lost the only friend he ever knew.

It’s tragic because he died with everyone believing he was a traitor who murdered Dumbledore in cold blood.

It’s tragic because he was a victim of neglect and bullying which had a huge impact on his view of the world.

It’s tragic because he was never able to properly cope with his traumatic experiences.

It’s tragic because if Snape had been raised in a positive environment, he most likely wouldn’t have made so many mistakes and might’ve even been happy.