happy shark week

Has shark week jumped the shark?

Or is it getting too dark to truly understand anything.

I saw Jaws when I was five years old and it was spectacularly terrifying. A real monster hid in the deep and it wanted to eat us. The whole thing was only made more hypnotic and sexy by the fact that Jaws was a mechanical shark. An elaborate robot built to make money.

Fondle our fear with its teeth and we’d give it five bucks.

And because we’re nostalgic and sentimental beasts

They’d resell us our memory on TV or in 3D.

We almost felt alive,

splashing around under them stage lights

in all that blood and money.

((Okay, I am on my way to my volunteer thing, but @eyeballcommander submitted this to me, and I can’t wait until later to share it. Snarky(er) teenage Peepers forced to be in a children’s ballet class because he’s so short, and E.A. happening to be in said class is one of my favorite ideas right now.))

OK SO I'M GOING TO EXPLAIN PERIODS TO FOR THOSE WHO DON'T GET ANY

Before:

Some might feel the horrendous symptoms of PMS but otherwise everything is OK.

Then, LOCK AND LOAD.


I’M GOING TO BLEED ON EVERYTHING YOU LOVE, DON’T TOUCH ME.

NOW I’M HORNY. FUCK ME.

FUCK MY EVERYTHING HURTS HOLY SHIT IS THAT ICE-CREAM?


—————

And that’s how a period works, thanks for reading! :D

Full SHARK WEEK 2014 schedule

Sunday:

8 p.m. EDT – “Air Jaws: Fins of Fury”

9 p.m. EDT – “Shark of Darkness: Wrath of Submarine”

11 p.m. EDT – “Shark After Dark”

Monday:

9 p.m. EDT – “Jaws Strikes Back”

10 p.m. EDT – “Monster Hammerhead”

11 p.m. EDT – “Shark After Dark”

Tuesday:

9 p.m. EDT – “Alien Sharks: Return to the Abyss”

10 p.m. EDT – “Lair of the Mega Sharks”

11 p.m. EDT – “Shark After Dark”

Wednesday:

9 p.m. EDT – “Zombie Sharks”

10 p.m. EDT – “Spawn of Jaws: The Birth”

11 p.m. EDT – “Shark After Dark”

Thursday:

9 p.m. EDT – “I Escaped Jaws 2”

10 p.m. EDT – “Sharkageddon”

11 p.m. EDT – “Shark After Dark”

Friday, Aug. 15:

8 p.m. EDT – “Megalodon: The Extended Cut”

10 p.m. EDT – “Megalodon: The New Evidence”

Saturday, Aug. 16:

9 p.m. EDT – “Great White Matrix”