happy late birthday bb

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“Damn is he loveable.” -Jensen Ackles 

QUERENCIA // 01

(n) a place where from where one’s strength is drawn, where one is their most authentic self


A/N: Hello. It has been a while. I have one answer:  School  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.   But I truly sorry that I couldn’t post this earlier. This is a birthday present for @donttellme-byebye​ / @xtaetae​. Whose birthday was in April. Today is 18th June. Heh. 

Really though, this fic is my baby, I’ll protect it until my last breath. I’ve never written something this big, and I’m proud of myself (even if it did take me this long) So I hope you guys like it. HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY BB~

Words: 8.6K (!!!)

Pairing: Kim Taehyung/ V X Reader ; Park Jimin X Reader (yay! love traingle)

Warnings: Self-deprication (?) Abandonment, Dark thoughts (( I really want this to be effective but I really don’t know what I can add ))


You blink up at the bleak ceiling, what can you see of it; the moon is your only lamp. The only sound you can hear is that of the ticking clock. Tick tock, tick tock, tick.

Also of the party downstairs. The party downstairs. An engagement party, a dance party, a bachelor party, a get-drunk party, a birthday party.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

Whether or not there’s a cause, there still a celebration.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

That might even be better than having a cause. Simple. Enjoying the booze, enjoying the music, enjoying the feel of someone beside you, the feel of a random smile thrown your way just…because.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

You consider calling him. You can, you certainly can. The phone is right there, his number being the only one other than your grandfather’s and the takeout guy’s. It would take exactly three taps on the screen. What would small talk would you have to endure? What would you say after?

Hi, I’m okay(ish) How are you? Of course, all must be merry with you. The weather is perfectly alright. Classes are going well; the business is going well. I would love to meet up with you both (and your dog hopefully) but I don’t think I can make it. I have a big project and the shop…. Yeah, maybe another time. When Pa is feeling better. Yeah, it’s been nice. Oh, must be date night, haha. I-uh, would love to talk more, but I think Pa’s calling. Yeah, have a nice time with her. Bye. (friend)

Or maybe the excess medication flowing through your bloodstream will loosen your tongue.

Hi, I’m feeling utterly miserable and the only thing that has even a sliver of a chance to make me feel normal again is your voice. The weather is as wretched as I am, and the classes would be immeasurably better if we could get high off suppressed giggles together instead of taking notes. But, no. It is not my pleasure and intention to meet you and my flawless (former) friend. I’d rather it be you. And me. (And your cute dog). At the shop. Snipping stems, and humming Symphony No. 7. Are you going to the fair for a date? I wonder if you remember how much I love cotton candy. Don’t buy her any, please. I want to talk more. Till my heart can’t beat and my arms can’t greet, I will still want to talk. But this feeling, I don’t know what, is slaughtering my soul more than when you left and I can’t talk. Irony at its best, dear fawn. So, I take my bow now with grace (or so I hope) and I will proceed to fall asleep with all the thoughts in the world or no thoughts at all. Bye (impossible lover).

Or maybe you will do what you have always done this time of year. Bake a cake for your grandfather– and to share with the watchman – wash down a sleeping pill with a swig of fancy wine and fall asleep with the hope for a dreamless night.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick -

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