happy birthday to you oh no

Leading Suspects - Chapter 5

Today is @peetabreadgirl‘s birthday, which means..two chapters today! One through four are up on AO3 and FF.net. Chapter 5 below the cut. Chapter 6 posting later today. Happy birthday, Beyotch. You know I have to make it hurt a little before I fix it, right? Enjoy!

Originally posted by mister-pulido


“Go back to his rippling pectorals,” Johanna says and I toss aside my towel in frustration.

“Have you hear a word that I’ve said? I’m having a crisis here!”

“Calm down, drama queen. Of course I heard you. I’m just choosing to focus on Thor’s hotness right now.”

“Ugh, Jo! My childhood friend has been abused by her husband almost since the day they were married and you want me to talk about Peeta the Ass.”

“Oh his ass! You haven’t talked about his ass yet. Tell me about it’s tone and proportions and flexing power. I need to know these things. And you do too by the sound of it. Did you know your voice gets all breathy when you say his name, like a god damned sex operator or something.”

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Break Up

Characters- Sehun & reader *in readers pov*

Type- angst?

Word Count- 1,126

Requested by- my girl @whitefoxgirl HAPPY BIRTHDAY I HOPE YOU HAD A WONDERFUL DAY

A/n- I haven’t written or rb’d anything exo in a long ass time. I miss my og bbys. 

Originally posted by yixseok

For a while now, and I mean quite a few months, my relationship with Sehun had been going south. With his insane amount of work and travel combined with my also insane amount of work, it wasn’t going in a healthy direction. Everytime he was in seoul and had time to spare-like normal people in a relationship- we spent it together. And every time, like we were on a timer, we would end up in an ugly fight about something or other. I often find myself happier when we’re texting and on the phone, but not when we’re actually together which is a tell tale sign I’m in a toxic relationship. I had to break it off, for both our sakes- or at least that’s what I told myself.

“Sehun?” I whispered into the phone, trying to convince myself that I was doing the right thing.

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Best Day of the Year (Jacob Frye x Reader SMUT)

Fandom: Assassin’s Creed Syndicate

Pairing: Jacob Frye x Reader

Genre: Fluff/SMUT

Warnings: NSFW

Word Count: 3,140

Synopsis: Jacob spends the day with reader on her birthday. Happy birthday @btrombley13!!! So sorry this is late

You were interrupted in your deep sleep by a gentle tickling feeling on your face. You could see the light pouring into the room behind your eyelids, but you still didn’t want to get up. It was early, too early. Whining softly, you instinctively tried to move away only to be pulled back against something warm. You tried to curl up back into the blankets but you felt another tickle against your shoulder, only this time it was followed by a familiar chuckle.

“(Y/N)…wake up, darling…” a familiar voice whispered oh so sweetly before peppering your face with a barrage of slow kisses. His stubble brushed against your skin in a way that made you smile widely even in your half asleep state.

You smiled when you became coherent enough to know who they belonged to, but you still didn’t feel like getting up. Instead, you rolled over and snuggled yourself into his chest in order to hide your face from his attack of kisses.

He let out a laugh and began gently caressing your shoulder, absentmindedly drawing small circles into your skin. He wasn’t a morning person by any means. Usually it was you that was fighting to get him to get up in the morning. What the hell was he doing this for?

“Jacob…ish too erwee…”

He only snickered before laying back and adjusting you so that you were lying on top of his chest. You groaned at the shift and whined again at the change in position and temperature. It wasn’t as warm when you were lying like this.

“No…Keep me warm…”

You tried to reach over to grab his arm and drape it over you, but it was out of reach. He laughed some more at your desperate attempts to go back to sleep. It wasn’t fair, it seemed like he could fall asleep whenever and wherever he wanted and wake up refreshed no matter how long he slept for. You on the other hand, needed a routine of at least six hours of sleep per night or else you turned into a zombie.

“(Y/N)…do you know what day it is?”

You felt him kiss the top of your head and you nuzzled deeper into his chest. You weren’t ready to give up on sleep that easily. Maybe you could get him to give in. If not, at least you got some cuddles out of it.

“I know it’s too early in the day…” you muttered before closing your eyes again and trying to focus on his heartbeat.

Finally, he wrapped his arms around you and you snuggled into the warmth of his body. As annoying as he could be sometimes, these were your favorite moments with him. Just laying in each other’s arms and enjoying each other’s company. As much as you wanted to sleep, there was no other place you liked to sleep more than in bed with him and his arms wrapped tightly around you.

“It’s your birthday…” he whispered in a sing-song voice before pressing another kiss to the top of your head.

You opened your eyes slightly when you heard what he said. That’s right, it was your birthday. But you quickly shook your head and closed your eyes as you rested against him once more. You had never made too much of a big deal over your birthday and didn’t really see the point in celebrating them. It was only the mark of one more year that you were closer to death. Still, you could use this situation to your advantage.

“So it is. Is it too much to ask for to start off my birthday cuddling with my favorite man in the world for a little while longer?”

He sighed before letting out another amused chuckle. You were pretty sure that he knew what you were playing at. He knew you too well and was very knowledgeable of all of your tricks. But it’s not like you were lying.

“Alright, love. Just for a little while, then we need to get up. I have the whole day planned out for us. You’re going to love it.”

By now, you were pretty much awake and turned your head to look up at him and flash him a concerned look.

“You? Having a plan? I’m already worried.”

He pouted before rolling his eyes at you and playfully poking your cheek.

“Contrary to popular belief, (Y/N), I am very capable of planning things out. I just choose not to most of the time. But for you…” He paused so that he could lean down and press a lingering kiss to your lips.

“…I make an exception.”

You smiled into the kiss and look up at him with loving eyes. He was such a goofball, but when he wanted he could be so romantic.

“I’m honored.”

The two of you stayed in bed for another half hour before Mr. Plan finally convinced you to get up. By convince, you meant he manually carried you out of bed. After getting dressed, you went downstairs to begin preparing breakfast only for him to interrupt you and hold the car keys in his hand cheekily.

“I’m taking you out for breakfast.”

The place he took you was a small diner that you had never been to before. It wasn’t fancy by any means, but once the omelet hit your tongue, you were in love. You were absolutely convinced that this was the best breakfast place in the world. When you asked him how he found out about it, he only shrugged and cheekily said that he wouldn’t reveal his secrets.

After the two of you finished eating you expected him to drive the two of you home, only for him to take you to an arcade and pay for an all day pass for laser tag. You had to admit, when he said that he had plans for the day, you genuinely were a little concerned. But this was turning out to be the best day that you had had in a very long time; although, you could do with him not whooping your ass in laser tag. You made a note to yourself: Don’t play laser tag with an assassin and expect to win. After hours of chasing each other around the darkened room, you were exhausted. Knowing Jacob, he could probably have kept going for days at a time, but he knew you were at your limit. As you were way too sweaty and gross to go out to eat and you were already starving from your day of running around, the two of you decided just to eat the pizza that was sold at the arcade. You had to admit, it wasn’t that bad. As you sat across from him, you stared at him and wondered how you ended up with the best boyfriend in the world. Unfortunately, he caught you staring and flashed you a knowing smirk.

“What is it? Still worried about my planning skills?”

You laughed before leaning over the table to press a kiss to his lips and wiping off a piece of pepperoni that was lingering on the corner of his mouth.

“No, actually I was thinking about how lucky I am to have someone like you. This has been the best day ever.”

He smiled widely before leaning over the table to kiss you back.

“Well, keep thinking about it. This day isn’t over yet.” He gave a false warning tone before his face lit up in his signature smirk that you loved so much.

“There’s more?”

Oh god, you couldn’t even begin to imagine what he had planned next. Especially since you didn’t really have much of the energy to do anything else that day. But you were certain that he knew that.

After paying for the pizza, the two of you left the arcade and he proceeded to drive the two of you home. Once you got out of the car, he quickly ran around to your side and took your hand. You eyed him curiously but allowed him to lead you inside. What could he be possibly planning now?

Once the two of you got into the kitchen, he let go of your hand and looked at you with a huge smile on his face that almost made you worried.

“Close your eyes.” He whispered as he began backing up towards the counter.

You smile at him and eyed him intently for a moment as you tried to figure out what it was that he was up to before doing what he said and closing your eyes. You heard some rustling in the background and a crash of a pan on the floor, but Jacob quickly assured you it was fine and you resisted the temptation to open your eyes. After a moment, you heard the sound of a plate being placed on the table and footsteps walking over to you.

“Alright, open your eyes.”

You opened your eyes and smiled widely when you saw the sight in front of you. There on the counter was a chocolate bowl cake that was filled to the brim with chocolate covered strawberries. You stared at it in awe before looking up to him in disbelief. There was no possible way that he made that himself. At least not without leaving the kitchen in ruins. You were also shocked that he would go with chocolate and strawberries instead of a traditional cake. But then you remembered how at every party he would tease you for constantly picking at the chocolate covered strawberries, if there was any there. Either way, this was so much better than a regular cake.

“Evie or a caterer?” you asked with a loving smile as you walked up to him. Once you got to him, you threw your arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. This was by far the best birthday you had ever had.

“Evie.” He said simply before pulling you against him.

He wrapped his arms tightly around your waist and kissed you back just as passionately, and you melted into the kiss like butter. His kisses always blew you away; it was one of the many things that made you feel so lucky to be the lover of such an amazing man. After a while, he pulled away and took your hand so that he could lead your back to the table.

“Go on, have one.”

You pouted at him playfully for pulling away when you were enjoying yourself but looked down at the chocolate covered strawberries, your mouth immediately beginning to water. Slowly, you picked up one of them and looked at Jacob as you teasingly placed the tip of the strawberry in your mouth and wrapped your lips around it. Your eyes gazed his reaction as you sensually sucked the chocolate off of the piece of fruit.

He licked his lips as his eyes focused on you and your mouth, no doubt imagining other more pleasurable things you could do with it. You didn’t forget that he woke you up this morning when you planned to sleep in, even though the day turned out to be absolutely perfect. This was the perfect opportunity to tease him and get a little revenge. Once you finished removing all the chocolate from the strawberry with your mouth, you bit into it and threw the leafy part into the trash.

“Delicious.” You teased as before licking your lips to get the excess juice off.

Before you knew what was happening, you felt his arm around your waist and your body being roughly pulled against his. You placed your hands on his shoulders to stable yourself, only to feel his lips on the corner of your mouth. You smirked and tried to turn your head so that you could kiss him properly, but he shook his head and gently held your face in place as he began tracing the outline of your lips with his tongue.


You whined into his mouth as you tried to pull him closer but he stood his ground. When he pulled back, he was staring at you with ravenous eyes that immediately sent pleasant shivers down your spine. You knew that look well, and you knew very well what it meant. Before you could comment on it, you felt your knees being scooped out from under you and your body being cradled his warm chest. Your arms automatically went around his neck and you looked at him curiously as you watched him carry you over to the living room before sitting down on the couch and propping you in his lap.

You smiled widely before reaching your hands up so that you could stroke his hair. His smirk melted into a satisfied smile before he pulled you in for a passionate, but gentle kiss. You tangled your fingers deeper into his hair as you kissed him back fervently. He hadn’t even really done anything yet except kiss you but you were already ready to push him against this couch and take him apart.

“Jacob…” you breathed as your lips danced with his own.

He took the opportunity of you whispering his name to shove his tongue into your mouth and pull you closer. If his kiss from earlier didn’t blow you away, this one certainly did. The two of you had been together for so long, yet every time the two of you were together like this; it was as if it was the first time.

Suddenly, you felt him lowering you down on the couch and you looked at him curiously before resuming kissing him. He only playfully nipped your lips before moving his body so that he was looming over you. His hands began roaming up your sides before his mouth moved to start roughly kissing your neck. There was no gentle teasing, no warning, just his mouth diving in to devour your sensitive flesh. Your hands went up to grip his hair tightly and he groaned in response.

That wasn’t enough; you wanted him to completely lose control. You weren’t in the mood for teasing today. You just wanted him to tear you apart. The gentle lovemaking could come later, but for now you just wanted him. And you wanted him now.

You quickly pushed him off of you so that you could pull off your shirt and bra in one movement, keeping your eyes locked on him. The actions seemed to surprise him but as soon as the garment hit the floor, he was back on you and kissing your collarbone hungrily. His hands roamed you sides and traveled down to your belly as his mouth moved down to your now exposed breasts. Taking your nipple in his mouth, his tongue swirled over the sensitive piece of flesh in a way that sent jolts of pleasure straight down your body. You gripped his hair even tighter and let out a few agonizing whimpers at his torture.

His hair felt so soft in your hands, you never got tired of feeling his dark locks in your fingers. However, you were getting impatient.

“Jacob…please don’t tease me…”

You heard him snicker before he pulled away from your breast and placed a chaste kiss on your lips.

“Well, normally…I would make you work for it. But since it’s your birthday…I suppose I can make an exception.”

You saw his hand reach down and expertly unbutton your pants singlehandedly before pulling them down your legs and off of your feet. Feeling a little jealous that you were the only one that was undressed, you reached for the hem of his t shirt and began pulling it up over his head. He leaned forward so that it would be easier for you before throwing his shirt over with the rest of your discarded clothes. Even after all this time, you couldn’t help but ogle him. He was so handsome, and boy did he know it.

“See something you like?” he asked before pulling leaning over and kissing you again with a little more force.

You smirked into the kiss and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, relishing in the feeling of his skin under your touch.

“Very much so…” you whispered seductively before reaching down to hastily unbuckle his pants. This only made him snicker more as he helped you pull them down before he sat back down on the couch. His member standing proudly at attention. Without any other warning, you pulled your panties off and moved to straddle his lap.

Your sudden action caused him to raise an eyebrow, but all the same he smirked widely and placed his hands on your hips.

“Birthday girl’s a little frisky, is she?”

You grabbed his shoulders and pulled him in for a rough and relentless kiss before reaching down and easing his cock into your dripping core. Both of you groaned simultaneously and you took a moment to prepare himself before moving your hips up and down on his length.

His hands gripped your sides tightly as his hips joined in movement with yours and thrust upwards into your entrance. God, you had wanted this all day. You kept your hands tightly on his shoulders to steady yourself and your eyes locked on his as you rode him. Those beautiful hazel eyes, you couldn’t get enough of them.

You angled yourself when his cock brushed up against that sweet spot inside of you. You threw your head back and almost screamed when you felt his hand cupping your pussy and palming your clit. How did he always know exactly what you wanted? At any rate, you certainly wouldn’t last long like this.

He seemed to be able to tell that you were getting close to the edge, for he sped up his pace and tightened his grip on your waist.


You almost lost it right then and there. You could feel the pressure building inside you that threatened to snap at any given moment. Then he did something you didn’t expect.

His eyes went dark for a minute before he reached up and roughly grabbed the back of your hair and pulled you down in to a bruising kiss that left you breathless.

That was it for you. You one loud groan into his mouth, you clenched around his cock and spent yourself. He didn’t release you from the kiss; instead he thrust hard a few more times before groaning into your mouth and releasing his seed inside you.

The two of you broke apart and just held each other for a few minutes before you eased yourself off of him and instead moved to snuggle into his side.

“That was…the best birthday ever…”

All you heard was a snicker and his lips pressing a kiss to your hair.

“I should make plans more often.”

Call Me Daddy

Summary: Phil asks Dan what his kink is, but Dan doesn’t feel so inclined to tell him.

Word Count: 3.1k

Genre: smut (specifically: daddy kink smut oh man)

happy birthday @mangothatismelancholy !! i know im a few hours early but i won’t have much time to post it tomorrow morning ahaha. i hope you like this and i hope i remembered correctly that daddy kink was your favorite (?). also i hope you have a great birthday dude!!! 

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  • Victor: happy birthday, lyubov moya!
  • Yuuri: oh, you found out?
  • Victor: Phichit texted me last night because he had the feeling you'd conveniently forget to mention it...
  • Yuuri: I didn't want you to think you had to do anything special, you already do so much for me...
  • Victor: well, since I didn't have time to go shopping, I made you a present instead.
  • Yuuri: ... what are these?
  • Victor: favors! Whenever you want me to kiss you or something, you just give me the slip that says-
  • Yuuri: *grabs Victor by the collar* you think I need an "I owe you"? If I want a kiss, I'll take it.
  • Victor: ... please do.

“This gift that you gave me for my birthday. You never got to tell me why you gave it to me or what it means… but I think I know. I think that you appreciate that there are extraordinary men and women and… extraordinary moments when history leaps forward on the backs of these individuals. That what can be imagined can be achieved… that you must dare to dream… but that there’s no substitute for perseverance and hard work… and teamwork… because no one gets there alone. And that, while we commemorate the greatness of these events and the individuals who achieve them, we cannot forget the sacrifice of those who make these achievements and leaps possible.”

“I just thought it was a pretty cool key chain.”

*Irene’s text alert*

MARY: That noise, that’s a text alert noise.

JOHN: What was that?

SHERLOCK: Hm? What was what?

MARY: That’s the text alert of Irene Adler; she’s the scary mad one, right?

JOHN: That noise.

SHERLOCK: What noise?

MARY: She’s dead. Ooh, I bet she isn’t dead, I bet he saved her! Oh my God! Oh, the posh boy loves the dominatrix! He’s never knowingly under-cliche, is he?


JOHN: I’m going to make a deduction.

SHERLOCK: Oh, okay, that’s good.

JOHN: And if my deduction is right, you’re going to be honest and tell me, okay?

SHERLOCK: Okay. Though I should mention that it is possible for any given text alert to become randomly attached to-

JOHN: Happy birthday.

SHERLOCK: Thank you, John. That’s really kind of you.

JOHN: Never knew when your birthday was.

SHERLOCK: Now you do.

JOHN: Seriously? We’re not going to talk about this?

SHERLOCK: Talk about what?

JOHN: I mean, how does it work?

SHERLOCK: How does what work?

JOHN: You and ‘the woman’. Do you go to a discreet Harvester sometimes? Is there nights of passion in High Wycombe?

SHERLOCK: Oh for God’s sakes! I don’t text her back.

JOHN: Why not? You bloody moron! She’s out there, she likes you, and she’s alive! Do you have the first idea how lucky you are?! Yes, she’s a lunatic, she’s a criminal, she’s insanely dangerous. Trust you to fall for a sociopath!

MARY: Oh, married an assassin!

JOHN: But she’s… you know…


JOHN: Just text her back!


JOHN: Because High Wycombe is better than you are currently equipped to understand!

SHERLOCK: I once caught a triple poisoner in High Wycombe.

JOHN: That’s only the beginning, mate.

SHERLOCK: As I think I have explained to you many times before: romantic entanglement, while fulfilling for other people-

JOHN: Would complete you as a human being.

SHERLOCK: That doesn’t even mean anything.

JOHN: Just text her. Phone her. Do something while there’s still a chance because that chance doesn’t last forever. Trust me, Sherlock, it’s gone before you know it. Before you know it.

JOHN: She was wrong about me.

SHERLOCK: Mary? How so?

JOHN: She thought that if you put yourself in harm’s way I might… rescue you, or something. But I didn’t. Not ’til she told me to. And that’s how this works. That’s what you’re missing. She taught me to be the man she already thought I was: get yourself a piece of that.

SHERLOCK: Forgive me, but you are doing yourself a disservice. I have known many people in this world but made few friends, and I can safely say-

JOHN: I cheated on her.

JOHN: No clever comeback? I cheated on you, Mary. There was a woman on the bus and I had a plastic daisy in my hair, I’d been playing with Rosie, and this girl just smiled at me. That’s all it was, it was a smile. We texted constantly. Wanna know when? Every time you left the room, that’s when. When you were feeding our daughter. When you were stopping her from crying. That’s when. That’s all it was. Just texting. But I wanted more. And do you know something? I still do. I’m not the man you thought I was, I’m not that guy, I never could be. But that’s the point. That’s the whole point. Who you thought I was is the man who I want to be.

MARY: Well, then. John Watson. Get the hell on with it.

*He begins to cry. Sherlock rises and hugs him gently.*

SHERLOCK: It’s okay.

JOHN: It’s not okay.

SHERLOCK: No. But it is what it is.

November 11, 2016 - Happy Birthday, Wally!

In which Wally reacts to his 22nd birthday exactly the same way I did.

(Also my 22nd birthday was just 6 days ago… we’re so close in age! Just another reason to love him.)

And because I know people are gonna call me out for being unrealistic, here’s an actual picture of how his 22nd birthday goes down, you sadists:

you know what also breaks my heart? how the general public in the mcu does have this awareness that tony is mentally/emotionally unstable (we know that from the media reports) but not only is that demonized, it’s also – and arguably more prominently – sold as entertainment

the public/media straight-up fetishizes tony’s trauma, honestly, you get entertainment TV reporting on a stark-funded gala like “oh but tony stark is not coming, sources hold that he’s got PTSD and has been bed-ridden for weeks! [switches to picture of tony looking disheveled during his last press conference].” in iron man 2, the whole shtick is that tony’s too unstable and self-destructive to be iron man but oh yeah everyone goes to his birthday party and cheers as he drunkenly dons armor and destroys his own home. they run closer and try to snap pictures of his assassination attempt – and mind you, the fact that pepper and happy are the single two people that are WORRIED that tony just randomly took the wheel of a formula 1 car during a professional grand-prix just fucking BLOWS MY MIND like that is damn well near-suicidal reckless self-endangerment for absolutely no fucking apparent reason other than “you know what? i wanna do it” and people watch that like it is the most fascinating spectacle ever

tony’s in the hospital visiting his comatose friend and the SECOND he steps out there are reporters all over him and RANDOM CIVILIANS with their SMART PHONES specifically pushing him for a reaction like “when are you gonna catch this guy! [shrug] just sayin’” – and this whole scene still stands as one of the best bits from IM3, possibly the whole mcu re: the treatment of tony by the media, because that’s the one time tony’s awareness of the abuse and resentment toward it reeeeeeally shows – he’s like “oh is that what you wanted” after delivering his statement and then he CATCHES THE GUY’S PHONE AND THROWS IT AGAINST THE WALL, “BILL ME” holy shit

anyway like?? it’s so messed up?? and it’s a 616 tony thing too, especially re: the media ~darling topic of The Alcoholism. tony has to deal with his trauma in front of a merciless and fetishistic audience and that’s just…. yikes :(

Welcome to the Grand Prix Final of fic recs: I wanted to be able to include more fics on this list so I did not do long summaries and instead arranged them as to when they were written as certain things (like banquet in ep 10) have a significant effect on our views of the characters. All fics are complete not WIP. Happy reading! (other fic recs: here)

Post-Episode 12

Post-Episode 10

Post-Episode 7

Pre-Episode 7