Fair warning, I’m slightly drunk while writing this. It’s
Carrie Fisher’s birthday. She would have been 61. I love and miss you Space
Mom. I went to Concord Mills today to get Christmas presents for my friends.
While at the Books-A-Million, I found Carrie’s book, “Postcards from the Edge,”
and even Debbie Reynold’s book, “Make ‘Em Laugh.” I’m so happy! I’ve been
looking for “Postcards from the Edge,” for months and I finally found it, and
on Carrie’s birthday no less! I feel like she’s watching over me.
I have one of
her other books, “The Princess Diarist,” that I bought just a few days after
she passed away. I had decided to wait until her birthday to read it. That’s
how I found myself in the bathtub with the book, a large stuffed-crust cheese
pizza, and 1\4 a bottle of vodka tonight. It’s been a good time.
I miss her so
much and it hurts every day that she’s gone but I know that she’s still here
with us. Here in our hearts and minds. She’s still here in her books and movies
and interviews. She’s here with us forever. She is with us in every middle
finger. In every weird hairdo. In every white dress. She’s in every French bulldog
and every can of Coca-Cola. She’s in every sparkle. In every star and galaxy. She’s
in Alderaan, and always remember: Alderaan is out there somewhere.
Chanyeol: Lay Hyung~~~~~ Though we weren’t able to be together much this year, but you know i still love you right?? Love you ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ Happy birthday!!!! ♥️♥️♥️
Lay: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ You are going to upload this on instagram again aren’t you ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ I really love you. It’s a pity that i didn’t manage to see you because you were too busy, kkaebiru~ (t/n: fans are speculating that ‘kkaebiru’ is evolved from ‘kkaebsong’ and ‘kkaebi’)
171008 real__pcy: 사랑하는 레이형!! 오늘 해외에서 돌아와서 정신이 없어서 까먹어버렸지만..생일 축하해요!! 올해는 정말 얼굴보기 힘들었지만 그래도 많이많이 생각하는거 알지??? 중국에서도 건강하고 얼른 자주 봐요♥️
Beloved Lay Hyung!! I just got back from overseas today and was absentminded so i forgot about this but still… Happy Birthday!! It was hard for us to meet face to face this year, but you know that i think about you a lot right??? Take care of your health in China and let’s meet frequently soon ♥️
#HAPPYCHENDAY | 2017 → From collaborating with seniors in the industry, to having his hair bleached for the first time ever (and slaying us all). Kim Jongdae, you have never failed to surprise us and you didn’t disappoint when you said that you’ll show us better performances and an improved image of yourself. You deserve nothing but the best, because you gave us your best. Thank you and Happy 26th Birthday, you are so loved ♡
Remember the last time we saw each other? In your little blue car…. We poured our hearts out to one another. We cried on each other’s shoulders. I confessed my love to you. You confessed your love to me. But you didn’t confess that this night was going to be your last.
You stopped by to pick up your (very) late Christmas present. You knew how bad I had been, and asked what was wrong. We walked to your little blue car, put the windows down on that cold chilly moonlit night, and talked. I told you everything that was happening to me: My ex-boyfriend and his new guy. A friend that I thought I could trust. And a lover that broke my heart. I also told you I was in a very dark place. Do you remember what I said to you? I’m too ashamed to confess what I did to myself. Please don’t make me say it. I don’t want to see you cry again. Your beautiful emerald looking eyes don’t deserve to have tears in them. They need to keep sparkling and smiling.
After we cried together, I confessed my love to you. I didn’t expect you to say anything. I didn’t expect you to feel the same way. I just wanted you to listen. I remember looking into those dazzling green eyes, holding your hand, and telling you: “I know this sounds cheesy. And I know that it may not seem true. But this is the truth. I promise. I love you. I love you so much. And I want to let you know that I will always love you. No matter what. I don’t care if you’re with someone new. I don’t care if I’m with someone new. I don’t even care if I haven’t talked to you in months, or even years. I will always love you.” You didn’t say anything. You just nodded as tears fell down your cheek from your watery green eyes.
Then, I asked you what you wanted from me. You said: “I honestly don’t know. I don’t know what I want. I never know what the right choice is. I never know what the right thing to do is. I always hurt you. I don’t want to keep hurting you. We had a lot of fun. And that’s all I wanted at first. And that’s what happened. I liked you. I really did. A lot. Then things changed. I wanted to hang out with you every day and be with you every day. And we did that. I wanted to be closer to you. And we did that too. Then stuff happened, and I got scared. I don’t know. I was scared to be happy. I didn’t want to be in a relationship. I wasn’t prepared at all for how I felt about you. I didn’t know how to take it to the next level. I didn’t know how to be your boyfriend.”
These words still bring tears to my eyes. It’s as if we are star-crossed lovers; forever living different paths in our lives that don’t have any connection in the end, denying us of any chance of living a life together. But how can that be when we are existing at the same time? You’re alive. I’m alive. And I have never felt more alive with anyone else than when I’m with you. Just the way you look at me with those alluring eyes is what convinces me that you are in love with me too. So why aren’t we together? Why are you with someone else? Why are you with her? Is it because she can give you a family? Is it because you want to believe she’s the one for you? Not just you though, for your whole family. She’s someone they will accept. Nobody would accept me into your family. I think we both know that for sure.
Two hundred and twenty-one days have passed since that night happened. I’ve gone through many stages of: Hating you. Worrying about you. Wondering if you’re dead. Wondering if you’re alive. Pretending you’re dead. Wishing for your presence. All while still loving you. It’s torture.
I don’t know if I should give up. Or if I should keep waiting for you. Because a part of me feels that I will never find anybody like you.
Nobody’s going to look at me the way you did. Nobody’s going to touch me the way you did. Nobody’s going to care about me the way you did. And nobody’s going to understand me the way you do.
Every time I talk to someone new, I compare them to you. I know that’s wrong, but it’s true and I can’t help it. That’s when I start to believe that they’re not good enough for me. Because I need to find somebody that’s so good that they make me forget about you… I know that’s not fair and I think that’s what keeps me from letting people in. I put this steel cage around my heart when you left me, and you’re the only one with the key to open it. I just wish you would talk to me. I wish you would tell me to move on, but your silence speaks louder than words. It drives me crazy; leads me to believe that I did something wrong, but I didn’t. Maybe it’s your way of keeping me in the sidelines when things get bad with you and her. I don’t see how that’s fair, but I love you so much that I don’t care. I’ll take any excuse you give me to come back, so long as I get to see your face again.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry for getting close to you. I’m sorry for burdening you with my problems. I’m sorry for loving you. I’m sorry for all of this. Maybe things would’ve been simpler if we just didn’t meet. But as people say, “Two souls don’t just meet by simple coincidence.” I start to wonder why you came into my life. Or was it I that came into yours? I wonder if you’ll ever come back to me, even as a friend. I miss you. I miss you so dearly. Please stay alive while I exist. Whether it’s a year or ten, I will wait for you. Because I love you, and I want to believe that we are meant to be together. I want to wake up every morning to those lovely green eyes of yours.
I forgive you. I forgive you for pretending that I don’t exist. I forgive you for leaving me with no explanation. I forgive you for choosing her over me. I forgive you for falling for me. I get it now. We are just simply not meant to be. But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with that.
You know me… You know I always have so much to say to you. You know I could write books about my love for you. But I have one more important thing to say….
Love always and forever, The boy with the brown eyes
Thank you for all your wonderful gifts! Yoosung felt like a celebrity and hasn’t stopped beaming since! You all are amazing! If we didnt reblog your gift, please accept our apologies! We might have missed it! >< We hope we got everyone! With this we’ll close our birthday operation!
On a side note, we’ve gotten a new part time admin! She’s helping us out when Sloth- I mean Devlyn and I are busy! She doesn’t talk much, and when she does she makes fish sounds. So…we’ve dubbed her Admin Phish.
She sent a message with the above: Blurp blurp blurp! Bruu-lurp bruu-bruu-lurp! Blurp bruu bruu~~ <3
Yoosung is so happy, his happiness can last him a lifetime now
“you are my sunshine, my only sunshine you make me happy, when skies are grey you’ll never know dear, how much i love you” happy birthday to our smiling ball of sunshine na jaemin !! we love and miss seeing your bright smile and adorable charms, thank you for brightening up our lives !! we love you so much, happy birthday nana ♡