Tyler Dillot was 27 years old, not good looking, and very
much “out of shape.” The last time he had been “in shape” was back in high
school at Regis Prep when he had been on the track team. Back then he had gone
by Ty, the Dill Man, or Dildo (only by his closest companions). Then college
had come and gone, as had his physique and his innocence, and then he became “out
of shape.” In fact there was no shape to him. He wasn’t a rhombus or a
quadrilateral or even a parallelogram. He was a torso and limbs. But he was
determined to make a change.
It was a Calvin Klein advertisement that prompted the sudden
urge for physical enlightenment. The billboard was on the corner of East
Houston and Lafayette and depicted a half naked woman and half naked man embracing
while only wearing Calvin Klein underwear. The half naked woman was beautiful and Tyler
had seen her before on some Instagram feed on one of his late night rabbit
holes, but the man on the billboard was otherworldly. The man’s body was
rippling with muscle, and Tyler very quickly became aware of how sweaty he was
under his thin t-shirt, even though it was only 65 degrees out and breezy and
not even mid April and all he had done that Saturday morning was wake up at
11:20, eat a bagel, drink an almond latte with an extra shot of espresso, check
Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook, then Instagram again. He could feel a pimple
forming on the back of his neck.
“I am going to join a gym,” he announced to the world.
“Shut up,” said a stranger passing by.
Later that day he had joined Equinox ($200 initiation fee,
$250 per month), bought a new pair of Nike Free Run Trainers ($130), three pair
of Nike Flex Running shorts ($45 per pair), and three Under Armour t-shirts
He had wanted to get Nike shirts as well, for he hated
mixing brands almost as much as he hated wearing brands, but the Nike tops were
all too tight on his chest and made his nipples feel exposed. Being self
conscious about ones nipples is one of the worst things in the world, aside
from global hunger and YouTube personalities who play the ukulele, so he went
with the Under Armour shirts which were more forgiving on both his physique and
He would have to phone home and let his father know about
the additional charges to the card, but he was still skiing in Aspen and
wouldn’t be home for another week. The charges wouldn’t be an issue, he just
wanted his father to know so he could be proud of his son for the effort. His
father was rich and the rich are always happy when their children spend money.
If they don’t have any children, they spend their money on Porsches or plastic
surgery, both of which have a near 100% success rate.
Tyler had planned on getting into the gym early the next
morning but had drank too much that evening at Erik Brennan’s 32nd
birthday party. Erik was from an improv class Tyler had taken when he first
moved to the city, and had recently made a video where he interviewed people on
the street and asked them what their favorite sexual positions were. Then Erik
explained to them if they were subconsciously sexist or not. The video had gone
viral and been featured in both Vox and Bustle that morning and subsequently
retweeted by Ellen. It was important work and Tyler had shared it on his own
Facebook page with the caption “funny + thought provoking work = Erik Brennan.”
The party was at a Mexican bar in the East Village, and
Tyler had a few beers, said hi to Erik, had two shots of tequila, sang Erik
happy birthday, had a Sangria, said bye to Erik, then ate 2 slices of pizza
(one sausage, one sausage and pepperoni), and left at 2 AM. When he got back he
ate a spoon of peanut butter straight from the jar (for protein) and fallen asleep.
He woke at 11 AM, checked Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, than
Instagram again, where he liked one of Erik’s photos from the party, taken
after he left. “Good friends, good timesss” he commented. Then he got dressed
and went to the gym, stopping only to purchase a green drink ($7), a Smart
Water ($4), and a protein bar ($3).
Equinox was packed, like church on a Sunday morning, only
with more self-righteousness and sweat and judgment, and Tyler felt as if
everyone was staring at his nipples. He had planned on pairing with a physical
trainer but none were available when he arrived at noon, so he sojourned into
the unknown, alone.
The treadmills were all full, as were the ellipticals, and
he briefly entertained the idea of trying out the rowing machine, before
realizing he had never rowed a boat in real life, why would he start on a lie.
So he made his way to the floor of free weights and barbells.
Tyler did a few reps on each arm of the twenty-pound
dumbbell then moved over to one of the benches where a muscular man with a tan
was just finishing up a set with a large amount of weight. He was grunting and
panting as if mid-coitus, and when he finished he let out a moan of pleasure
Tyler had never released in all of his life.
“Are you finished with the bench?” Tyler asked.
The tan man took one of his headphones out.
“What?” he replied.
“Are you finished with the bench?” Tyler repeated himself, a
little louder this time.
“No need to yell bro, all yours,” the man with the tan said
as he walked away. Tyler watched him make his way over to the water fountain
and noticed a tattoo on the back of his bulging neck. “For Strength &
Honor” it read in a cursive font worthy of an encyclical.
Tyler smirked and made a joke in his head about how any neck
tattoo should really just say “unemployable,” then thought about tweeting it
and ending up typing it out and saving it in his drafts to tweet out later that
day when he was likely to get better circulation.
He sat on the bench and checked the weight on either side of
the bar. It was 150 pounds, forty pounds less than what he weighed. He knew he
wouldn’t be able to do any reps of it, but he was curious as to see how heavy
150 pounds really was.
“For strength and honor,” he whispered to himself,
He lay back, ducking his head to fit under the bar. He
reached up and gripped the steel, still wet with sweat from the tan man’s
hands. He exhaled then pushed up slightly. The bar didn’t budge. Then he pushed
slightly harder and felt it move a bit. Finally, with a grunt like a small
boar, he pushed up with all his might. He felt it lift up a little then raise
into the air just an inch.
The bar was already wet from the tan man’s hands, and
Tyler’s soft palms were oily and sweaty and added to the steel’s slippery
state, and so as slippery things often do, the bar slipped.
It fell from his grasp and rolled just over the edge of the
cross beams meant to hold the bar secure. 150 pounds came crashing down onto
Tyler’s throat and crushed his windpipe, severing his intake of air. He
screamed but nothing came out and the tan man with the tattoo couldn’t hear him
due to his headphones being noise-cancelling.
By the time he noticed it was no
use. Tyler was finally in shape.
prompt: charles and erik celebrating a birthday together.
:D BIRTHDAYS YOU SAY??????
“Happy birthday to me,” Erik muttered, sitting down at the kitchen table with a bottle of beer and a cupcake. The cupcake was from the supermarket and the beer was cheap and subpar, but it was how he’d always celebrated his birthday; a sweet and some alcohol. No need for anything fancier than that.
Just as he popped the cap off the beer, Charles shuffled into the room, yawning.
“Oh, hello, Erik,” he mumbled, heading for the sink, “I thought you went to bed alr–what’s that?”
“It’s my birthday,” popped out of Erik’s mouth before he could stop it.
Charles stared at him. Erik glared back, daring him to say anything. After a long moment, Charles turned away from the sink.
“You can’t have just a cupcake on your birthday,” Charles scolded, and he actually seemed offended. “What kind of cake do you like? I know we have ingredients around here.”
Erik blinked, while Charles began to bustle around the kitchen, quietly gathering ingredients and utensils. “That–that really isn’t necessary–” he stammered, watching Charles take down a book of recipes.
“Nonsense, I insist,” Charles replied firmly. “We’ll save some for breakfast, but you do not get to celebrate with just a cupcake and beer in my house. Break out the chocolate liqueur, it’ll be excellent on the ice cream Raven bought.”
Erik stood and obeyed.
Charles did most of the putting things together, while Erik poured liqueur over Moose Tracks ice cream for them both. While the cake baked, they ate the ice cream. It was delicious.
The cake came out excellent, as well, and Charles insisted on pouring some liqueur into the homemade frosting he was stirring together.
It didn’t look very pretty, but then, Erik had never been one for pretty things. It was decent, acceptable. And it was very tasty.
“Happy birthday to you,” Charles began to sing softly as he rummaged in a drawer and pulled out a pack of number-candles, “Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Eriiiik…” He stuck the right candles in and lit them with a match. “Happy birthday to yooouuuu.”
Erik stared at him blankly. “I don’t have any wishes,” he said.
Charles smiled. “Think of something small that you really, really want,” he suggested. “Like another beer.”
Erik’s mouth twitched, and he sighed, leaned down, and stared at the candles, thinking. He knew birthday wishes were supposed to be secret, but he also knew that he didn’t want anything that would stay secret for long.
He suddenly thought of something. He blew out the candles before he could rethink it, and, in this kitchen in this mansion in New York, at the stroke of three in the morning, he felt like maybe it really was a binding wish.
Then he shrugged and straightened. “Time to eat it.”
“Ah! One more birthday tradition before we do.” Charles turned Erik to face him, cupped Erik’s face in his hands, and kissed his forehead lightly. “There. That’s my family’s tradition.” He beamed as Erik stared at him. “It’s for luck,” he explained.
“Oh.” Erik looked down so he wouldn’t blurt his wish. “Cake now, yes?”
As a special birthday gift for @angelsdoexist, I’ve written up this fic for you. Happy birthday sweetie; may you have a wonderful and blessed birthday and many many more to come :D
Let it be offically be put on the record that this day was the worst day of my life.
I know that everyone at one point has said that and I for one would be no exception. As soon as I opened the front door, I wearily shuffled my way inside and, in a I-dont’-care-if-I’m-being-dramatic fashion, I fell backwards onto the couch and let out a heavy groan. The moment my body hit those familiar cushions, I closed my eyes and gave my body a chance to relax.
I must have fallen asleep for a few minutes because I was awoken by the soft squeaking of the front door reopening, the very light foot steps walking along the shining floor and making their way towards me.
Only then did I hear an all-too-familiar voice speak sweetly to me.
“It seems my princess has fallen into a deep sleep! Perhaps she will awaken with the power of true love’s first kiss.”
My mouth formed a smirk as I opened one eye and fixate my gaze upon Erik, the man and incubus that I had fallen head over heels for.
“Since I’m already awake, how about you just kiss me anyway?” I respond albeit somewhat tiredly.
Erik’s violet eyes danced with adoration as he knelt down before me, took my left hand into his and placed a feather light kiss upon it, his gaze completely fixated upon me. That, in turn, made my cheeks flush deeply.
Actually, if I were to be honest with myself, everything he does makes me blush and just feel…well, spoiled. But that’s just the way he is and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
The incubus let out a gentle chuckle as he placed a feather light kiss upon both of my flushed cheeks before finally positioning his face so that it hovered mere inches above mine.
“Whatever my adoring princess wishes,” he whispered in a sultry tone right before closing his eyes and pressing his petal soft lips against mine; it was delicate but loving. I sighed contentedly as I returned the kisses with the same fervor as I placed my right hand upon his cheek. After a few more light pecks, Erik pulled back sightly and pressed a kiss upon my forehead before standing up and, after scooping me up in his arms, sat upon the sofa while holding me in his lap. He placed a playful kiss upon the top of my head before speaking.
“I would ask you how your day was,” he said with a frown, “but everything about your body language says it was just dreadful.”
“Unfortunately yes,” I agreed, nodding. “It seemed that everything that could go wrong just did.”
“Then tell me about it,” he responded kindly. “You know I’m always here to listen.”
With those words, my ranting mode was activated; I told him about how it all started with running late for work because of my stupid alarm not working and nearly having hot coffee spilt onto me to tripping and becoming best friends with the pavement - no less than four times. Erik remained quiet but attentive, distracting me every now and then by peppering my cheeks and neck with feather-light kisses. Despite this welcoming distraction, I managed to complete the ‘wonderful’ story of my day.
“My sweet princess, I’m so sorry that your day turned out like that,” he answered with sincere sympathy. “But I know that tomorrow will be so much better.”
I slightly turned my head and looked at him, confused.
He chuckled before putting his lips close to my ear and softly hummed the first line of Happy Birthday to You.
My eyes widened in genuine surprise as I remembered that it was indeed my birthday tomorrow.
“How could I be so stupid as to forget something like that?” I muttered as I turned my gaze downward and stare almost intensely at the lines of the floor. It didn’t last too long because I had suddenly been lifted off of the couch, Erik holding me closely and gently to his body and began to walk upstairs towards our bedroom.
“You are not stupid, princess,” Erik said in a tone that was gentle but disapproving in what I had just said. “You simply had a rough day. That doesn’t make you stupid at all so please don’t talk about yourself in that manner.”
I nodded as I snuggled myself up against him.
“I know. I’m not trying to put myself down but I was just surprised that I forgot. That’s all. I do wonder though..” I trailed off, trying to find a way to ask as, once he opened the door with one of his tendrils, he gently sat me upon the bed.
“Yes?” he inquired.
“What about you and your brothers? How do you celebrate your birthdays?” I asked. I couldn’t help that all this talk about birthdays had made me curious. Erik gave me a soft smile but his eyes reflected something different.. sadness, perhaps?
“Princess.. Demons don’t celebrate birthdays,” he responded. “Sure we are born during certain seasons of the year in the demon world, but other than that it’s nothing like it is in the human world. In fact, we don’t have birthdays at all.”
All of a sudden, an idea popped into my head.
“Then let’s change that,” I responded, determened now.
“What do you mean?” Erik answered, curious as he now sat down next to me.
“You can share the same birthday as me!” I exictedly said.
The incubi’s purple eyes widened as I heard a soft gasp. His face began to turn a light shade of crimson before he finally said anything.
“W-Wait a second,” he stammered, still not quite sure how to take it. “I mean, I’m very touched but.. I - What I’m trying to say is that it’s your birthday, princess. I couldn’t possibly take that away from you.”
With a sincere smile, I tenderly took his face into my hands and peppered his face with loving kisses before telling him what was on my heart.
“Erik, you are taking absolutely nothing away from me. I want to do this for you. Besides, every day that I have with you.. Every moment that you’re by my side is reason to celebrate.”
“My beautiful princess.. You spoil me,” he answered, his voice full of raw joy as he once again looked lovingly into my eyes.
I gladly wrapped my arms around his neck, giggling softly as he responded in kind by wrapping his strong arms around my waist.
“Happy birthday Erik,” I answered, my smile never wavering as I gave him his first present: a passionate birthday kiss.
Needless to say, he was more than eager to return the favor.