happiness in my eyes

renza15  asked:


*answers this probably a year later*

Okay, maybe not that long…but this has been in my inbox for soooo long… but I finally decided to write it and MAN! I’ve missed writing Gutair…I feel like I’ve learned a little more about Gudrun since I last wrote her? But it’s also been so long since I’ve written her or Bay that it was a challenge to write them again…but it was fun too! I hope you like it!!!

“I never meant to hurt you.”

The words rang around in Gudrun’s head. Words that she had wanted to hear for so long, but words that she couldn’t believe, couldn’t let herself believe. Bhatair had her so much, he had torn apart her life. And now he was back. He was here in her life again. It was something she had dreamed about, had imagined so many times. It had helped keep her sane in some horrible way. But now he was here, actually here. And the pain in her chest - pain she had lived with for years - weighed her down. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, but he had.


His voice filled her ears again. A voice she had never thought she would hear again. Against her better judgement, she glanced up at him. He was so different than when she had last seen him. His hair was white, there was a weight in his step, scars that bordered on unnatural. But it was undeniably him.

“It still hurt.” Gudrun could barely hear her own voice, but he must have heard it because his gaze dropped to the ground.

“I know…” Bhatair’s voice trailed off, then he stepped forward.

Gudrun’s first instinct was to step back, her mind telling her not to trust him again. But her heart – even broken and bruised – still cared about him. So her feet stayed put.

His hand gently wrapped around hers. “I know I don’t deserve a second chance, but if you could give me one…I promise I won’t mess it up again.” His other hand reached up and brushed a strand of hair out of her face, only to rest on her jaw. “Please, Gudrun.”

Closing her eyes, Gudrun savored his touch. For a moment, she was a teenager again - eager, full of love and hope. She knew she might regret this. He could break her again. But she knew she if she didn’t then she would always wonder what might’ve happened.


Then his arms wrapped around her and she found herself burying her head in his chest, letting her pain be soothed by his presence. Regret may come, but for now, he was here, and that was enough.

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.