I know that I truly love her because she hurt me on a whole another level and I still love her. I have a right to be mad at her, but I’m not. I “should be” speaking poorly of her, but I’m not, I only speak positively about her. I could have flipped out on her, but I didn’t, I don’t want to, I see no need to. I could be the most bitter thing towards her, but I’m not, I don’t want to be, I let her go knowing that I love her and I always will, she will always have someone to turn to. I could have left her before she got the chance to leave me, but I didn’t, I gave her the decision, because if it was up to me we would be in each other’s lives forever. I want her to be free, I want her to be happy, I want her to know that she matters, I want her to know she is so dearly loved, I want her to know she is so incredibly unique and special, I want her to know I will always love her, I want her to know that my arms will always be wide open for her, I want her to know that I have yet to find anything that compares to her, I want her to know that she is so valued, I want her to know that there will always be a spark of love in my heart for her, I want her to know that I love all of her, even though I don’t know every single detail of her life, I see who she is because of it, she is strong and beautiful and so gentile and she has been hurt, I can see those parts of her and I love her. I don’t only love her because she is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, I loved her because she was raw, she had such spark about certain things, she understood, she listened, she was patient, she had a way with words, she could make me melt in a single sentence, she worked so hard, she made me feel like I mattered to someone, to at least her and that is all I needed in life, she gave purpose to life, she saw the beauty of things and the sad side of things, her mind took a while to learn, but once I got a drift of how it worked I fell in love, she has so much genuine love for her pets, she was true, she was the definition of cuteness, she was such a goofball, she had sass, she changed me, she made me happy, she made me smile, she made me cry, she made me sad. She was the only person I let my walls down for. I gave her my heart and forever I think she will have it, maybe one day it won’t be all of it, but she will always have the majority of it. I wanted to know all of her. I wanted to know her full story of life. I wanted to know why she is the person she is, I wanted to understand her in a way that no one had before, I wanted to be the one for her, I wanted to know all major events of her life, all the little ones too, I wanted to know the little things that she loved, the tiny facts that no one pays attention to, I wanted to truly know her, I wanted to feel her pain and joy, I wanted to know her favorite memories and her least favorite, I wanted to know her favorite thing about herself, I wanted to know her least favorite thing about herself. I wanted her to know I would love her no matter what. I wanted to spoil her, I wanted to take her on dates, I wanted to love her in her best and worst moments, I wanted to take her places, I wanted to finish that game of 20 questions, I wanted to love her through every mood and phase, I wanted to take her to the movies and leave not even knowing what the movie was about, I wanted to hold her hand, I wanted to give her my jacket when she got cold, I wanted to hug her, I wanted to kiss her forehead just because I could, I wanted to stare into her beautiful eyes and just think “wow”, I wanted to take her out to dinner, I wanted to stargaze with her by my side, I wanted to give her a massage after a long day at work, I wanted to dance in the rain with her, I wanted to hold her at night when she got frightened because of a nightmare, I wanted to fall asleep next to her, I wanted to wake up next to her, I wanted to see her do something she loved and watch how she would light up, I wanted to go on deep conversation walks, I wanted to be with her, I just wanted to be in her presence, I wanted to do that cute little run hug thing and then fall on our butts because it’s not a movie, I wanted to show her everything, I wanted to take her to New York City and Paris, I wanted to love her forever, I wanted to wake up every day just feeling so happy because I got to be with my love, I wanted to take her to that place she dreamed about, where we could love each other endlessly, where we could be ourselves without worries, where we would shiver from closeness, where nothing would stand in our way, where it would be every thing that she dreamed of and so much more, I want to take her there and be with her. I wanted to fall asleep listening to her voice, I wanted to show up at her work and order breakfast, only paying in change, because I know it annoys the crap out of her, I wanted to look at her, I mean just look at her, take in her beauty, I wanted to know every scar on her body and where it came from, I wanted to give her some of my own clothes, so that she would think of me every time she wore them, I wanted to buy her everything that her little heart desired, I wanted to give my little girl a kiss whenever she was down, I wanted to be a brat whenever she would try to kiss me and turn my head so that she would end up kissing my cheek, then she would get upset and she would make me kiss her, I wanted to tell her all of my useless knowledge, I wanted to tell her all of my stupid thoughts and ideas, I wanted to horribly sing love songs to her, I wanted her to meet my puppy, I wanted to meet her little bunny, I wanted to do all stupid cheesy sappy stuff with her, I wanted to teach her how to play soccer, I wanted to watch the sunset with her, I wanted to wake up early and see the sunrise with her, I wanted to enjoy her favorite month (October) together, I wanted to tackle her into a pile of leaves and then run away from her chasing me trying to tackle me, I wanted to carve a pumpkin with her, I wanted to just sit with her watching the leaves fall, enjoying the silence that we rarely ever have, I wanted to wake up extra early to make her breakfast, I wanted to get all bundled up with her go to the beach and watch the way the waves crash onto the shore, and see how the fall waves differ from the summer time waves, I wanted to catch lightning bugs with her and then let them go because we want them to be free, I wanted to take her to Starbucks and get the cliche seasonal drinks, I wanted to go through a flipping corn maze holding her hand, and I wanted to get lost doing so because we were being such morons, I wanted to watch her kick ass on the court, I wanted to kiss her in the moonlight on a night time fall walk, because I can’t resist kissing my little cutie, I wanted to be with her while the seasons changed and we had to deal with the terrible winters that we get up here, I wanted to play in the snow with her, because we truly are children at heart, I wanted to tackle her into pile of snow and again have to run away from her chasing me, I wanted to catch snow flakes on our tongues, I wanted to have snowball fights with her, I wanted to go ice skating for my first time with her, and you know of course fall on my ass and have her laugh at me, I wanted to go around looking at Christmas lights with her, and a cup of hot chocolate of course, then I wanted to kiss her when the ball drops and we start a New Year, after that I wanted to give her the absolute best birthday and birthday present ever, whatever that would have been, I would have made it happen. I wanted her to be my cheesy valentine I wanted to buy her a teddy bear and all of that stuff, I wanted to take her out on a ton of dates, whether that be dinner, a movie, stargazing, napping, breakfast, watching the sunset, dancing at 4 in the morning, watching the sun rise, cuddling, going to a carnival, or anything really. I wanted to get to know her in a way that I have never known anyone else before, I wanted to know all about her, I wanted to know all of her thoughts, I wanted to know all of her ideas, I wanted to bring her flowers, I wanted to give her everything, I wanted to be there when she gets sick so that I could give her soup and medicine and make sure that she rests and gets better, I wanted to be there when she gets a tummy ache and just needs to relax, I wanted to do all of this and soooooo much more. She will always be my 11:11 wish, my birthday wish, and my wish upon a star. I truly do think that I love her, I can’t say for sure because love never really was my forte. I believe that I am, because if I’m not in love with her, then what the hell does actually falling in love feel like?!?! Like that must be some crazy shit! I mean this is some crazy shit that I’m feeling to begin with soo….
Thank you for reading my “rant”. If anyone is hurting, I’ve heard that it gets better eventually. I feel your pain, we are all hurting together. Try listening to some Halsey she understands pain. Huge thank you to you guys too! Thank you for letting me air out my thoughts, feelings, and pain, it has helped me so much!
If you see two girls dancing perfectly in synch to your favorite classic tunes, there’s a high chance it’s sisters and bloggers, Julie
and Emily. As we walked up to the busy front gates before the
park’s official opening, we wondered just how we would find the two dancing
darlings in a sea of people. But to no surprise, we spotted them in their
matching Vans Lifeguard Hats & Sk8-Hi’s in a matter of seconds— after
all, Vans Girls always standout from the crowd. Their laid-back California
style and carefree attitudes may have already drawn you in, but their epic tips, tricks, and rare finds will keep you glued to their Insta stories and coming
back for more! We sat
down with Julie and Emily to get a glimpse into their mega fun
careers and to talk building a business as sisters, and having the happiest
place on earth as their office.
Find out how they turned their passion into a career after the jump…
Hii! I know it’s been forever since I wrote something and I’m very sorry. There’s been so much on my mind lately and so many things that made me feel overwhelmed and I just needed to sort it out. This is kind of very loosely based on ‘Love me or leave me’ by Little Mix because someone requested it. I hope you like it. I plan on writing a second part.xxx
“Well, maybe I don’t fucking care anymore!”
It seemed like his booming voice made the whole house vibrate. It seemed like it cut right through Y/N. His words felt like he took a knife and rammed it into her heart and to top it all off he twisted it slowly so the pain had time to spread.
These last weeks felt like nothing but pain for her. He was never home and even when he was he somehow wasn’t. She let him in and he pushed her away. He pushed her so far away she couldn’t feel him anymore.
“Why are you still here then!?”
She had had enough. If he didn’t care anymore he could walk out the door and never come back.
Harry scoffed, turned around and walked up the stairs. When he slammed the bedroom door shut Y/N could feel the last bit of connection between them slipping away completely.
It’s never been this harsh. They slammed doors and yelled hurtful things before but it’s never been like this. Somehow this felt final.
She didn’t know how it happened, how everything between them began to crumble. But it did.
She didn’t feel his loving touch in at least three months. She didn’t hear his loving words in at least three months.
They fought almost every day and when they didn’t fight they didn’t talk to each other at all. Mornings were spent alone and cold, both waking up at their own times without a good morning kiss or a cuddle or anything at all. Nights were even worse. They went to sleep in the same bed but facing away from each other. They never solved their problems before bed. They broke their rule every single night and went to bed angry.
And even though right now Y/N might think it would be better if their paths would part she also knew she wouldn’t recover from it. Harry was the love of her life. She knew she could never be happy without him.
And so she broke down. Ugly sobs and fat tears. The whole weight of the last few months finally got too much and she couldn’t take it anymore. She was sure she’s never cried this much in her entire life. She was sure she never felt so hurt but numb at the same time before.
She didn’t know what the hell went wrong. What she did to push him away. What she did that made him stop loving her. He doesn’t love you anymore.
Those were the words that constantly replayed in her head, after every fight. He hates me.
She couldn’t find another explanation. That was the only reason she could think of as to why he wasn’t interested in fixing things between them.
When she met him she was sure he was the most wonderful person she’s ever met. He looked at her as if she was the most important thing on earth. He cooked the most delicious dinner for her. He held doors for her. He made her laugh and feel appreciated.
When she really got to know him she was knocked off her feet. He was the most gentle and loving man she could have ever imagined. He was there for her. He was the place she ran to when the world overwhelmed her. He was her happy place. Her home.
When things got a bit rough they stuck together. They were a team. They faced everything together and fought through it.
Y/N was the happiest girl ever. She thought she found her forever. Her happily ever after.
Until the perfect relationship began to change into great, then good, then normal and then…
Into whatever they had now.
She couldn’t take it anymore. And the worst thing was that there was no way out of this hell. They can’t go back to where they’ve once been. And parting ways? No fucking way could she survive without him.
It was three hours and twenty tissues later when Harry finally exited the bedroom and came down the stairs. Y/N was standing in front of the big living room window which had a view over what seemed like half of London. Her back was turned to Harry, her hair messy and her frame slightly shaking.
She knew that whatever would come now would change everything. She knew that they reached a point were something had to happen. Anything.
Harry took a deep breath and took the last few step towards her. Y/N closed her eyes when she felt his warmth. She hadn’t felt it in so long.
When he reached his hand out thread his fingers through hers she flinched. Harry could feel his heart breaking at her reaction to his touch. He closed the gap between them and pressed his chest flush against her back. That’s when Y/N started to cry again. Her whole body shook with the force of her tears and the whimpers and sobs seemed to get louder with every passing second.
“Shhh.” Harry tried to calm her and finally wrapped his arms around her from behind.
He nuzzled his face into her neck where she always smelled so good and that’s when he realized how long he hasn’t done that.
Y/N moved her arms so she could intertwine both her hands with his. She didn’t remember the last time she held his hand. She used to love his hands so much, always playing with his fingers and kissing his knuckles.
Harry kept pressing tiny kisses to her shoulder and squeezed her tighter to him every time a whimper left her lips.
They stood like that for at least ten minutes before Y/N turned around in his arms and hugged him again. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, his hands stroking softly over her back while her hands were fisting his shirt. She couldn’t get close enough. She needed him closer. Her hands wandered down underneath his shirt to touch his skin. Harry shuddered when her cold hands touched his skin but he knew she needed this. She hasn’t felt his skin in forever. It almost felt foreign.
When they finally pulled away from each other both of them were scared to let go. This couldn’t be it. They needed each other.
“We have to talk, Harry.” she whispered and pressed her forehead against his.
“I know, my love.” My love.
Was she still his love?
She thought he hated her.
They sat down at the kitchen table across from each other. Both of them couldn’t be fast enough to reach out for each other again and when their hands bumped against each other they both laughed softly. For the first time in months.
None of them wanted to be the first to say anything. Until Harry finally couldn’t take the silence anymore.
“I didn’t mean anything that I said earlier. Or… in the last few weeks. God, what is happening with us?”
“I don’t know, Harry. But it can’t keep going like this. I can’t take it anymore.”
“Me neither, love. I know I didn’t show how much it was affecting me but I want you to know that I feel just as broken as you do.” Broken.
Is that what they’ve become?
“I… I thought you hated me. During all these times you pulled away or turned your back towards me, I thought you hated me.”
Harry’s free hand reached out to hers so he could clasp her hand in both of his.
“I never ever hated you. Not for a second. And I never will.”
Y/N felt like a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders and she felt like she could breath again.
“I love you so much, darling.” Harry whimpered.
Her head snapped up so she could look at him and when she saw tears running down his cheek she reached over the table to wipe them away.
“I love you too, Harry. So much.”
Harry removed her hand from his face and pressed gentle kiss to ever knuckle.
“What are we going to do, love? I want to fix this. I want to go back to being the happiest couple ever. I want to go back to being happy with each other.”
“Me too, Harry. God, I’d do everything to get back to what we once had.”
They stared into each other’s eyes until Y/N cleared her throat and diverted her eyes to the table.
“I-I think we need a break.”
Harry’s whole world stopped in that moment. His mouth fell open and his brows furrowed. He pulled his hands from hers and a breathless ‘no’ left his lips.
“No.” He repeated after a moment.
“Harry, listen. I-”
“No!” he shouted.
Y/N flinched and her ears began to ring like every time he raised his voice at her. Her eyes closed and tears began to dribble down her cheeks.
“Do you think I’m stupid? I know exactly what’s going to happen when we do that. You’re going to realize just how unhappy I make you and that you are so sick and tired of me and you’ll never come back. Or you’ll find someone else who makes you laugh more than I ever did. God, I’m going to be gone for two weeks for promo. Is that not enough distance and space for you?!“
“Harry, I need time okay? I need time to take care of myself. I need time for sorting things out. I need time so that this all can work again and if you’re honest, you need it too.”
He laughed humorlessly and crossed his arms over his chest.
“You will have that time when I’m gone.”
“I-I don’t think two weeks are going to be enough.”
His eyes caught hers and she swore she’s never seen him look at her like that. So sad but angry at the same time.
“Two weeks are nothing, Harry.”
“There’s been times when you couldn’t go a single day without me. There’s been times where two weeks without each other seemed like the end of the world.”
She closed her eyes and tried to control the tears which constantly blurred her sight.
“I don’t think we can sort anything out in two weeks.”
“I don’t think we can sort anything out when we’re away from each other.”
He closed his eyes briefly and sighed.
“No fucking way!”
This time it was Y/N’s turn to sigh.
“One month. And not a single day longer.”
She caught his eyes for a moment before she nodded.
They sat in silence for several minutes, both didn’t know what to say.
“I-I thought I’d stay in a hotel for the two weeks before you’re gone and then I’ll come back.”
“No. Please, I-… I want to know you’re safe. You’ll stay here and I’ll stay with Gemma.”
“If that’s okay with you.”
“No, it’s actually not.”
She looked at him with the saddest eyes he ever saw and he shook his head and and sighed.
“I’m gonna go pack some stuff and then you won’t have to deal with me anymore.”
“Harry, I did not suggest a break because I want to get away from you as quickly as possible. I want to fix this. And I feel like some distance is the only way to sort things out. Or at least make the first step.”
He didn’t say anything but just left the kitchen and went upstairs to pack a few things. For some reason Y/N couldn’t help but feel guilty. Of course she knew he wouldn’t be happy with taking a break, she wasn’t either. But she hoped he could at least understand where she came from.
When he came down the stairs half an hour later with two big duffle bags Y/N almost felt like crying again. She watched him, how he placed them beside the front door, wiped his tears away, took a deep breath and turned around to make his way to the kitchen so he could say goodbye but she was already standing in the foyer. They stared at each other for a few moments before Harry cleared his throat and removed a greasy strand of hair from his face.
“I’ll go now, I guess.”
“Yeah.” Y/N nodded and sniffled.
He looked at her for another few seconds before he let out a frustrated sigh.
“Can I at least get a hug?”
He saw the surprise on her face but she nodded anyway and took the last few steps towards him. She slung her arms tightly around his neck and pressed her body tightly to his and Harry wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed her to his chest. He pressed kisses to her shoulder and neck and stroked over her back in gentle patterns.
When they pulled away a bit Y/N reached up to cup his cheeks and stroke over his skin.
“I love you. Nothing changed about that and nothing is going to change. I don’t want you to worry about me breaking up with you. I couldn’t imagine life without you.”
Harry pressed his forehead to hers and pulled her body even closer.
“Will you say goodbye when I’ll leave for New York? Don’t think I could leave without seeing you before.”
“I’ll think about it, okay?”
Harry sighed but nodded.
“C-Can I kiss you?” he asked her in a whisper.
She leaned in and connected her lips to his as an answer, his bottom lip slipping between hers. She kissed him four times before she pulled away a bit to look up at him again.
“I love you. You know that, right?”
She nodded and smiled softly at him.
“I love you, too.”
Harry gazed into her eyes for another few seconds before he pressed a few gentle kisses against her lips again. He pulled away from her then and took his duffle bags.
“I’ll let you know when I’ll leave for New York. You can call me or come over anytime you need, okay?”
“Okay. You can come over or call as well. Even if it’s the middle of the night.”
He nodded and opened the door.
“Take care, yeah?”
“You too, love.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
And just like that he left.
Seriously. This show doesn’t get nearly as much love as it deserves. So I'ma do a full-fledged review right now. Y’all sit yo asses down and listen.
Ruby Gloom is a canadian kids’ cartoon about a young girl and her group of friends. It’s quite a unique show in many different ways. For one, it’s not your typical diabetes inducing show for toddlers. It’s actually in a very..well, gloomy setting. Nightime is dark as you would expect, and during the day its perpetually cloudy and overcast. Heck, in the one episode it was actually sunny, the characters were doing everything they could to bring the clouds back! The main characters all live together in a mansion on top of a large hill, where most of the episodes occur.
Now. The Characters:
The eponymous Ruby Gloom. A young girl(Some fans have speculated she’s a living doll) who, according to the show’s tagline, is ‘the happiest girl in the world.’ However, shes not the typical happy-all-the-time, overly hyperactive and somewhat annoying character. She’s an optimist, through and through, and tries to see the bright side of everything. She’s also a pretty calm person. She doesn’t jump around and yell about how great everything is, but she’s happy. She also has a pet cat named Doom Kitty, who has quite the personality of her own.
Skull-Boy is the brains of the group. He’s just a teensy bit awkward and is trying to find out who he is, or more, who his family is. He’s a jack-of-all-trades, probably because pretty much every episode he tries a new profession stating that “I must be related to a long line of ______!” Ruby also has a crush on him.
Iris is the wild child. She loves taking risks and going to extremes to have fun and is cheerful and hyperactive. Sometimes she can be unintentionally insensitive and a bit too wild, but she’s never purposely mean. She has a giant flying worm named Squig.
Misery is pretty much the opposite of Ruby. She’s a fan favorite and most fans have come to the conclusion that she is a banshee. She is a disaster magnet and has the worst luck, and constantly gets struck by lightning. Despite always having bad luck and a generally gloomy demeanor, she’s not depressed. She has a place to live and friends that love her, and is generally happy with what she has.
Frank and Len are brothers who love to create music. Frank is usually smarter one who often gets annoyed by his brother’s stupidity and antics, but sometimes can be just as dumb as his brother, depending on the writer. Len is the dimmer of the two and doesn’t always get things. They are actually incredibly talented musicians.
Poe is a very posh crow. He loves to hear himself talk and can be a bit arrogant at times, but he’s still a good person and a good friend.
Boo-Boo is a mischievous little ghost that loves to pull pranks. He tries to be scary, but instead everyone finds him cute. He also can be stubborn at times.
Lastly, my personal favorite, is Scaredy Bat. Scaredy Bat is a shy little guy with an indian accent who’s afraid of everything. He gets nervous very easily and is also quite paranoid. Despite his timid personality, he’s the extremely talented drummer of Frank and Len’s band and forgets his fear behind the kit. He is also the only one that Boo-Boo can scare.
Woah, that got longer than expected, but I got the point across. ‘You can find most episodes on YouTube. Seriously, give it a shot.